The Narcissistic Truths No. 11
15 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths No. 11”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.
salad….too
HG
Been married to a mid-range for 35 years. Believe it or not figured this out about a month ago! I was the love of his life (???) We started going out when I was 15 (he 16) married some years later and have been married ever since. We mostly experience the Golden period. Have 3 amazing intellectual kids. Fun family dynamic. But…he has been triangulating me for 40 years off and on with his first girlfriend (first sexual exp.) she claims she has never gotten over him. Her marriage went bad (of course) he still hoovers. Which kills me because she always was the Bain of my existence since adolescence. I have always been kept our marriage fun, exciting (I am still pretty attractive) and been the kind of life partner that most men only dream of. Kind, loving blah, blah, blah. He has had some recent life setbacks – major fuel killing stuff and I am in the midst of a devaluation. (No surprise) recently told me he “can’t do this anymore” ha!! (Sound familiar) I called him on his recent shady behavior.
Now here’s where you come in. He’ll never discard me. But I am really sick of his threats and Bullshite. Silent treatments don’t bother me. I take them as time to myself actually starting to enjoy them. Too far in to leave. Although getting another man would be simple. How do I get rid of the thorn in my side (old fuel – old tired ass girlfriend) will I ever? Should I engage in similar behavior even though it’s against my nature. I am completely sick of this. Please give me some of your insight.
I know the true pure intimate love that I seek is out of the question with him. So how do I protect myself?
Thank you
Kat
Hello Kat, it seems that the issue is not so much him as her. You have repeated Respite Periods when the golden period re-appears and he doles out silent treatments which you can deal with. You have decided you do not want to leave.
It seems that she contacts him or is it him contacting her or a bit of both?
When you say should you engage in similar behaviour, do you mean triangulate him? If you do that, he will regard it as a criticism. It will ignite his fury and he most likely will dole out a silent treatment which you can cope with but he will not alter his ways in terms of the triangulation. Accordingly, you need to look at getting rid of her, hence why I asked whether she is the one who keeps contacting him or vice versa. Do you know what level of interaction the two have? Are all his threats around leaving you to be with her or just leaving you? Perhaps you could add some more detail for me?
In the beginning with the last one I told him that he was the laziest and least creative liar I had met. The stories were way more fun after that. I laughed a lot. Hey HG, what happens if you receive a criticism with a large dose of negative fuel simultaneously? Do they cancel each other out?
it is fuel and not criticism
Thank you H 😊
ABB that picture reminded me of the peanuts cartoon.
Could you please give an example on this one?
Long Involved Explanations – i.e. lies
One of the first things my narc told me when we met was “I will never lie to you.” I thought that was odd. Who says that?
Us. It is done to appeal to your empathic trait of honesty.
Hey, a very long time ago I brought up a JN story where he seemed very apprehensive coming over following one of his first silent treatments with me and then reappearing. I was just so excited to hear from him and invited him over. He walked through my whole house checking closets and behind doors to make sure I didn’t have my brother or another friend over to “jump” him because he thought I was still mad at him. I was floored that he even could think that of me. He told me that another girl whom he had a “bad ending” with, had lured him over her place and her brother jumped him to beat him up (or at least threaten him). Months later during a heated exchange I threw in his face no wonder he had people jumping out of closets to beat him up. Then he said I was so gullible for even believing that because it had been a joke. To this day I still can’t quite put my finger on if it was a ruse for attention or not. His body was so tense until he did his walk thru and it seemed legit at the time.
Anyways, you said you had a similar story with a girlfriend to share when you fabricated some story possibly similar to this one.
This is your friendly reminder you still have to dish about that. lol I haven’t forgotten.
neither have I, I have a note to do so.
I thought this was you….
https://abb625.files.wordpress.com/2016/11/wp-1478151198724.jpg
LMFAO!!