How To Make Him Hoover

 

how-to-make-him-hoover

 

In the majority of cases, once you have you have realised what we are, you need to get away and stay away from us. If you have been discarded, the emphasis is on staying away from us. If you have to have some kind of interaction with us (because of children or work) then the aim is one of minimal interaction and the reduction of the provision of fuel as far as possible. I have warned you about the types of hoover we deploy, when they happen and how they happen so that you are able to look to your defences and ensure they cannot be breached. I have identified the forms of hoovers so you know them when they happen and also how to either put yourself beyond the reach of them or how to best repel them. Nevertheless, there are occasions when you want a hoover to happen. To be blunt, the reason for wanting to run the risk of being exposed to our machinations once again and possibly be drawn back into our false reality is often not a sound one. Yet, in the same way when somebody is told not to open a box or go through a door, they cannot help but do it, there will be those who will want to pre-empt a hoover from our kind. If that is the case, then on your head be it, but here are ten ways to bring about a hoover.

  1. Turn Up

The simplest way to ensure we hoover you is to present yourself on a plate before us. We are unlikely to turn down such an opportunity to gather fuel from you when you make it so easy. Of course, you may find that we seek negative fuel from you because we are infatuated with your replacement and therefore we want to punish you for letting us down and we remain dedicated to your replacement. Assuming you are able to find us (which should not prove especially difficult since even when we discard you, we usually do not go to huge lengths to make us impossible to contact) by turning up and seeing us we will hoover you. There is a risk if you turn up at one of our “fortresses” (home or work for instance) we may not admit you, preferring to garner Thought Fuel from your upset at being denied entry, therefore for best results approach us in public places such as a restaurant or a bar.

  1. Provide your contact details

You can do this as part of an apparent round robin which has been sent to all of your contacts.

“Here is my new number. Thanks. A Victim.”

The receipt of this, be it e-mail address, Skype handle or telephone number is a green light to us. You are opening the gate and we will use this information to hoover you.

  1. Message Us for Help

We once rode into your life as a white knight to save you from misery, loneliness and a score of different serpents which sought to hurt you. We don’t offer true support but we do enjoy being in attendance when help is required in order for us to drink in your fuel from your upset and neediness and to appear as the all-conquering hero. If you send a message requesting our help, you are playing to our sense of omnipotence and we will find it hard to resist responding by way of a hoover. The message must be specific about the type of help that is required and be something that we could help you with, if we chose to. Something straight forward which can be done in a flourish (after all we do not like to expend energy and certainly not on actually helping somebody with something arduous). We appear not because we want to help you, but because we want the fuel that will flow from us showing how omnipotent we are, for example by lending you money, tuning your television for you or explaining a letter from the authorities. Play the damsel in distress and we will appear.

  1. Proclaim Your Misery

As the idiom states, “misery loves company” accordingly if you announce that you are unhappy, upset, lonely and miserable and even better if you link it to the fact that you miss us, cannot be without us and similar declarations, we will appear to hoover you.  This is different from the third entry. That is requesting help with something specific, something practical. This relates to your emotional state. There are two reasons why this works. First and foremost, you are providing fuel by being upset about missing us. We want that. Secondly, we regard the world as a hateful place and thus our negative outlook to that means that we want to see other people upset as well. Thus we will flock to you in such a state. Be warned however that there is a significant risk that we will perpetuate your misery in order to draw this fuel further from you.

  1. Post a Picture

Post a picture where we are likely to see it of you and an apparent new love interest. We will not like this. We will feel criticised and with the ignition of fury we will want to lash out at you. You are not allowed to be happy without our permission and approval. We must be the source of what you feel, not somebody else. When we see this picture we see fuel being wasted and we want it for ourselves, thus we will come hoovering. We also delight in the omnipotence felt by running someone else’s relationship.

  1. Involve a Friend

Send a friend to let us know how much you miss us, how our days are empty without you, how we never stop mentioning you. That alerts us to the fact that there is a tanker of fuel waiting to be sucked dry and this will certainly pique our interest to come and hoover you at the mention of this green light.

  1. Spread a Rumour

Use your supporters to spread a rumour about us. Make it detrimental without straying into the realms of defamation otherwise you won’t be hoovered and instead you will receive a letter from a lawyer instead. Suggest that you got rid of us first even though we discarded you and you did so because our performance in bed was below bar, or that we never changed our underwear, or that we said our mother’s name a lot in our sleep. It is sufficiently petty that it will irk us and we will come looking for you in order to set you straight and to draw some fuel from you by way of recompense for your criticism.

  1. Anniversary Pop-Up

We imagine that you remember that it was so long since we first met you, first kissed you, first took you away for the weekend and so on. Often you do because that is the extent to which we infect you so that you reminisce a lot. If you remind us of a forthcoming anniversary and thus by implication that it remains special to you, there is a good chance that we will use that anniversary to hoover you because we will regard you as more susceptible on that special date and likely to provide more fuel through your heightened emotional state.

  1. The Bootie Call/Text

 

If you get in touch with a suggestive call or text, then this will attract a hoover from us. Nothing says “game on” than sexual content in a message. The Somatic of our kind see a chance to rekindle those passionate couplings. The Cerebral will relish the chance to exhibit his seduction techniques even if there is no actual consummation. The Elite will see both as entirely appetising. Even the Victim will respond since it is easy to do so and if framed in a way that appeals to his submissive sexual outlook. Dangle such a text in front of us and the hoover will follow.

  1. Unleash a Rant

You know by now that fuel, whether positive or negative is what we need. If you want to provoke a hoover, show off some of that emotion through a rant in a voicemail message to us, a vitriolic e-mail, a series of hate-filled messages or just a hysterical monologue on your Facebook page. We will be attracted by this outpouring of emotion and want more of it, so we will come hoover in hand to draw more of the same.

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31 thoughts on “How To Make Him Hoover”

  1. I dont know anymore HG. Mine had hoovered for almost a month of our 10 wks no contact. I finally caved weeks later and responded. He ignored me there after. I called and he didn’t answer. He never asked anything about me and I had to ask the follow up questions. I told him I was happy now ( of course I am not) and then I blocked him after giving him the entire day to respond. What happened? Was he trying to regain the control? He clearly has enough supply to ignore me. Although the day before was the most consistent hoovering yet. Shouid I try again to contact?

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    1. Yes he wants you to know that he is the one in control, hence he got you to respond to his hoover and then he brought the portcullis down and pulled up the drawbridge. He asserts control, he draws fuel from knowing how you will feel after he did this and he is counting on you now trying to contact him to pierce the silent treatment which will edify his control and give him further fuel. Do not contact him. Use this as an opportunity to assert no contact again.

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  2. Why do i have a feeling that it’s you in the picture HG? And that ur secretly laughing at all of us knowing that u have fooled us? Those eyes! Your victms don’t stand a chance!

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  3. NO, NO, NO
    No more dancing.
    I was at the very beginning trying to hold on to her and the hope that we could still be friends somehow but then someone very important showed me the light. I was delusional then and needed help and the harsh reality.
    I admit that there still is that mixture that you created that lives in me. I still am tempted to have my daughter report to me what’s on her Facebook. A small temptation is still there and it is only one call or text away.
    Everyday that I spend NC with her the stronger I get. I break away from the chains and I don’t want any back on me.

    I have spent every day on this blog learning from you and taking your advice. I have come a long way and I’m not going back. I need to focus on me and not her. ( you taught me about wrong focus ). I need to continue to stay here and to keep reading. I am safe here and I move in the right direction.
    Thanks for all the good advice

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  4. If this was HG, do you think he would be on here? I would hope not.
    I am sure he is handsome enough. ​
    The picture resembles Matt Bomer. I think it could be him. He is American.
    My 1st husband looked like Pierce Brosnan with brown eyes. I got pics if you want to see. I wanted pretty babies and pretty babies I got.

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  5. Matt Bomer is a Narc?

    The Hoover can help if you know already that you want to move on. Ignoring never work. Fight face-to-face leave another taste in the mouth.

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  6. #9 made me remember something. Awhile back, when I hadn’t heard from him for a few days – I sent him a text saying “I dreamed about you last night… ;-)” His response? “That’s nice.” Than an even longer silent treatment. Why do you think he did that HG? That always confused me.
    :/

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    1. To make you know your place by belittling you. He draws fuel from knowing how you will feel at such a put-down of your pleasant message to him and he draws satisfaction to know that he permeates your dreams, exactly what he wants.

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  7. How to make him hoover smoover…

    How about you can avoid all of this, go no contact, change your routine and he will STILL seek you out.

    A calm falls over you… it is finally quiet. You feel relaxed and you can go about your new life… then **BAM**, he’s found your new routine, your new number and NOW after 8 years he decides he wants to send you BEAUTIFUL flowers on your anniversary… wait, it isn’t even your anniversary!

    HA HA, I am going to go crazy before he moves on!

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    1. DC, get yourself a new and shinier Narc. Let him be the super duper model: Greater Elite. Then have your new and old narc fight it out. New narc will be love bombing you, and will do anything you ask. Old narc is hoovering and will do anything you ask.
      You can sit back with a glass of wine, and watch the show.

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  8. Timely. Went to his daughters soccer game, sat with his ex (mom) on left, N on right…. afterwards kids went home with N, I went out with ex and her BF to see a band….Surreal.
    Two days later N asked if he could get together with girls for his daughter’s bday, we settled on a cookout at my beach house this weekend. Today got text saying he was ‘ remembering the old days at the river and got turned on’… next text was saying he was in town near my restaurant meeting a “friend ” for dinner, wanted to have a drink after. I declined. Waiting now for the punishment for snubbing him- betcha he cancels this weekend at the river….
    Thanks HG, I’ve got this……

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  9. Ha. Someone gave him my number bc they thought we were still friends.. Now I know either they were lied to or they wanted me to suffer. Boo. I don’t want a hoover. In the one a few years ago he did the benign one through a text which turned malign. Then in a moment of weakness, I texted him and now he thinks he has free reign. Nope. He is very intelligent but not worth the aggravation and I won’t take leave of my senses again….running shoes have velcro so I don’t trip on the laces.

    I think the guy in the pic oozes creepiness.

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  10. When i went no contact, i would wait for the daily hoover texts to come in. It was what kept me going, otherwise i was suicidal. When he got no response from me, i hoped he would re-attempt the hoover, just to get a glimpse of how he is.
    Surely enough, after 3 weeks he tried again. Now, we are just friends, to avoid complications. I confronted him about having narcissism and he has finally accepted it. I also had him take the narcissistic personality inventory on which he scored highly. Right now he is collapsed and feels like his brain is shutting down, performing poorly at work etc.
    I feel so sad for him. Narcissism isn’t his fault. He was abused in childhood.

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  11. Hello HG..we r coworkers..the silent treatment started 3 months ago. He started hoovering through friends or just appear in front of me @ the begining of silent treatment,to make me apologize. and when I did apologize for many times he did not forgive me.When I stopped apologizing and made no contact he appeared again and hoovered directly and through sending msg by collegues for a whole week, but I used the grey rock method, so he stopped hoovering now for 2 weeks. what can I do to get him back to hoover and accept to be back this time..pls help

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    1. Hello Joly, I would need more information about the whole dynamic to enable me to provide you with the appropriate insight and observation to assist you and therefore this is something which should be addressed through a private consultation.

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  12. Hello HG..we r coworkers..the silent treatment started 3 months ago. He said I humilated him. He started hoovering through friends or just appear in front of me @ the begining of silent treatment,to make me apologize. and when I did apologize for many times he did not forgive me.When I stopped apologizing and made no contact he appeared again and hoovered directly and through collegues for a whole week, but I used the grey rock method, so he stopped hoovering now for 2 weeks. what can I do to get him back to hoover and I will accept to be back this time..pls help

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