The March of the Lovefrauds

the-march-of-the-lovefrauds

You died the moment you met me.

My kind are engaged in wholesale slaughter. A daily massacre. Nobody is stopping us either.

These massacres are not literal deaths. No, they way I leave you I believe that you may actually prefer to be dead in order to end the pain. The unrelenting pain and misery that I will inflict on you. What I kill is your confidence, your self-esteem and your sense of worth. I annihilate your finances, obliterate your friendships, shred your sanity and drive an icy cold dagger through your very being. You see, people like you pride yourselves on being honest, decent and understanding. That’s what makes you so attractive to me. That’s what makes the killing all the more complete.

You may think that I am an awful human being and that I revel in the consequences of my behaviour. For some of my kind that is right and for others it is not. Some of my kind have no awareness of what they and believe that what they do just has to be done. Others of my kind know exactly what we do. I am not concerned about how you feel. I have no interest in your reaction to what I do. All I am focussed on is what your emotional reaction does for me.

People are stupid. They need everything to be labelled, to be categorised and pigeonholed. They need great big flashing neon signs telling them what people are as they are too idiotic or lazy to try and work it out for themselves. See the man in a dirty raincoat with unkempt hair that hangs around the children’s playground? He is a child molester. Look over there at the man with a striped shirt and a bag with the word ‘Swag’ on it. He is a burglar. What about the lady in dirty, piss-stained clothes, mumbling to herself and trying to feed the pigeons stones? Oh she is a madwoman. That is what people expect to see. Ask anybody to draw a picture of a murderer and ninety-nine times out of a hundred, they will draw a crazed looking man, dressed in black, carrying a knife or a gun. They won’t sketch their spouse or their relative. Ask a person where they will most find a rapist and they will answer that he will be lurking behind a bush near the subway ready to leap out on some stranger. What they won’t do is point at their boyfriend sat next to them watching television.

And that is where the problem lies. You expect to be able to recognise those that will cause you harm in such an obvious manner. It isn’t like that. There is a reason that those dangerous people are able to hurt in the way that they do. It is because they are all around you. They are sat next to you in your car. They stand with you at the water cooler or in the lift. They talk to you at the school gates or serve you your daily coffee. They permeate society. That is what makes them so effective. The ability to blend in and hide in plain sight. How many times have you heard the neighbour interviewed about the horrific murder of a family by the father, say,

“He always seemed so friendly and happy.”

Or.

“He kept himself to himself.”

Or.

“He was a quiet man. I never thought he had it in him.”

Or my favourite.

“You don’t expect these things to happen here do you? You always think it couldn’t happen here.”

These people appear as innocuous as they are so ordinary and fit with their surroundings. They have masked what lurks beneath. These people, the drug dealers, the killers and the abusers were ordinary. They were themselves and they made no attempt to hide or be different.

This is what makes me so dangerous. I make a conscious attempt to blend in with those around me. I am a shape shifter. I take on the characteristics of my victims, mirroring what they love and enjoy. I become what you want me to be. You have always wanted to meet the successful business owner. I am he. How about the well-read bookish fellow who enjoys the theatre and some amateur dramatics? I can be him as well. You just love people who have travelled extensively? Let me tell you all about my yearlong world tour. Rock nut? Done. Singer? Do re me fah so lah ti do. Family man? No problem. I will morph and twist into these ideal people and in so doing I will slide my tendrils around you with insidious ease and pull you into the full horror of my world.

You are not able to see me coming. I hide behind a thousand masks. The bad people I have described above make no real effort to inveigle their way into your world. They are already there. They are part of your day-to-day life and you are unlucky that you just happened to be near them when they struck. I am completely different. I have come after you. I have marked you out as my prey and circled you, preparing to strike. I engage in subterfuge to further my aims and to enable me to glide in and out of people’s lives with slippery ease. I suddenly appear. Oh, there may be some existing connection admittedly, but that is all part of the preparation. When I actually enter your life I do so in a blaze of deliciously disorientating glory that has you rooted to the spot and gagging for more, such is the addictive nature of my behaviour.

All my work is done before I engage you. That is why your execution takes place the moment we meet. All else that follows is merely your elongated death throes and believe me, do I like to drag them out for the maximum of effect. I even pretend to try and resuscitate you from time to time. That’s just a ruse to enable me to suck more of the life from you. You may regard that as twisted. I don’t care. So long as I am able to feed, that is all that I care about. I must feed. Each and every moment to try and satiate this insatiable hunger that rages inside me. I think that the hunger can be sated but somehow, it never seems to be the case.

Thus my killing goes on and on and on. Victim after victim piling up and the beauty of it all is that I merely slip on another mask and melt away to find another unfortunate. I walk away leaving chaos and destruction in my wake but I never look over my shoulder.

Should you fear me? Absolutely. Sadly, for you, you don’t know what to look for because I do not come into your life bearing a warning. Once I have emotionally slain you, only then might you recognise the danger a second time but of course, by that point the damage is done. Amazingly, some of you come back for more. Incredible isn’t it? Sometimes it is with me or sometimes with another of my kind. The effect is the same however. Another excruciating death.

The beauty of all of this is that nobody can touch me. Those who might try to bring the sanction of criminal penalties against me usually fail. They either won’t do it because they still love me or that somehow they think they can save me and they would rather do that. There are others who are so broken they blame themselves and not me. Others again are so utterly destroyed they do not have the strength to take action. The very few that do not fall at these hurdles soon realise that my innate charm, my myriad of lies and irresistible powers of persuasion mean that actually getting the criminal law to apply to me is nigh on impossible. It is only right. The rules are not meant for me.

All of this means that next to nobody recognises my kind when we first choose you. Why would you? We bear no mark or label. We do not appear as some stereotype. We do not look like abusers but then what do abusers look like? They look like me. Him. Her. That man sat across from you on the train in his suit reading a quality broadsheet. The headmistress who crochets around the clock and is a committed Christian. The abuser looks like the construction worker downing his gallon of beer before weaving his way home. He looks like the quiet neighbour. The shy teenager. The earnest music teacher. The gregarious uncle. Him. Her. Them. You do not see us coming. You had no chance. Society repeatedly fails to identify what we are and how we operate. It downplays what we do with a host of euphemisms and woolly descriptions because people cannot accept that somebody who is so pleasant to them can then be so horrible too. Yet, that is precisely how we operate. Would you trust someone who punched you in the face when they first me you? Of course not. You’d trust him after three years of marriage before the first blow landed though wouldn’t you? You would not trust the fraudster if he stole ten thousand pounds on his first day at work, but after five years of solid and loyal service you would not think twice that he was forging signatures and diverting funds to his personal bank account. Society and people are too ready to apply labels which diminish the impact of what we do and what we are. You can attest to the horrendous damage that we do, you know better than anybody else of the impact that we have and yet you have to listen to people talking about how he is “misunderstood”, “under pressure”, “not normally like that”, “must have been provoked”. These well-intentioned people cause considerable damage as the ignorant apologists for the carnage we unleash.

Now you know what we are, you can identify us with ease. You can now think back to all the people you have interacted with and now you see us as if we have been daubed in bright red paint. Your colleague at work. The “difficult” customer. Your mother. Your brother. That friend who upset you one week and then fawned over you the next. The lovers. The celebrities. The politicians. More and more of us are identified by you and yet still we are able to do what we want and move on to the next unsuspecting victim. Society does not identify us. Society does not understand what we are. Society is utterly ineffective in tackling us. Our numbers are growing and our devastating impact on the lives of all those we entangle (and it is never just the one person is it) grows but what is being done? Do the politicians know us (save when they look in the mirror)? Do the police officers understand what we are? The nurses? The social workers? The judges? The court appointed psychiatrist? The jury? The neighbours? The teachers? The local government officials? All those who might be able to do something to address what we are rarely know what we are leading to greater frustration for you and the continued advancement of our agendas.

Nobody is stopping us.

What are you going to do about it?

 

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53 thoughts on “The March of the Lovefrauds”

  1. HG, that was absolutely amazing. I bow to you. This was so damn accurate. I would have never guessed with mine. I had no interest in him when I first met him. But the more he talked to me the more I felt I could talk to this man forever. He was Christian and went to church. I wanted a man of religion. He loved his children. I wanted a family man. I thought to myself a god loving family man has got to be wonderful. Lmao. I would still not know what he was till I came across your articles on .y Facebook. I owe you more than you know.

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  2. Thank you HG for all the lovely distractions today. Slightly addictive your blog is.
    Now when shall I pencil in some sleep, oh here tomorrow at 2 am. No wait another post, must read. Ooooohhhh now that makes sense as to why he was acting that way he was, all I said was ….all I did was….
    Damn this HG guy is so amazing, so acurate. I do wonder has he spied and read my diary, no maybe he is actually someone I know. No one could be this accurate with out being here.
    Oh thank god, that voice, that accent. Its not him.
    Yup close enough to my thoughts durning the first month and 6 books.
    Reminiscing tonight.
    As always thou HG, I still am captivated, you are truely amazing.

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  3. Thank you for finally saying it.

    What will I do? Have a confrontational comment at the ready, gather evidence, educate others, and give myself permission not to care about them anymore.

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  4. I’m going to keep hope that one day you will understand that doing good over abuse and love over abuse and manipulation feels better than power and control . I wish you could be me for one day and maybe you would have a different outlook .

    Out of all of your past “appliances ” IP ones who was your favorite and why ?

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    1. Your hope is representative of your empathic nature Starr. You would appear a shining scarlet on the old Narcdar, of that I have little doubt.

      I have several favourites for different reasons. Karen, Caroline and Hannah are three which immediately spring to mind, although there are others. As to why, you shall see in the Asylum of the Grotesque.

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  5. THANK YOU! For saying what I was still dabbling with how to word. People are stumbling about blind to the inherent dangers of labels. I live in a community where a famous serial killer resided. When he was arrested my worlkplace was abuzz and a co-worker said to me: can you believe it? They lived in a nice house and they always dressed so well! I stared in disbelief and responded: I would not be shocked to find he worked HERE. How do you think murderers dress? As for the judges, social workers, and law enforcement? They are there also. One of my narcs is high up in law enforcement and does many charitable community events. Another is high up in Government. They generally do acheive due to their nature and yet most believe them to be just normal successful people. Open your eyes wide, stop labelling and assuming, and most important start thinking with your head and not your heart. . HG is giving you a gift in this post on how to protect yourself.

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  6. Nobody is stopping us- What are you going to do about it? In short your kind have taught us not to show our hand HG but then you know that sometimes words have two meanings.

    Good piece and spot on in fact don’t worry about the man in the grubby coat at the playground as he is out there showing himself unlike the family man at the computer with the double life who is plotting how he can use the latest craze’, that flushes the children out into the streets looking for pokemons!

    Be aware of the presences around us at all times. Use what we were given and increase the vision (that is not eyesight) that our kind we given for this very reason.

    The question is not how your kind ensnare us, the reality is that your kind once isolated are prone to paranoia and rightfully so. See, you are human too.

    Thank you once again.

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  7. HG you describe your dynamics and patterns so well. I am impressed. My question is this- have you ever loved a primary source who left you? When you are pretending is there any feeling at all?

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  8. Hello HG!
    You have certainly contributed to making people aware of your kind. You have given us the knowledge and all of the red flags that we need to identify one of your kind out in the world.
    Since my encounter with your kind and determining what she is I have educated so many people about narcissism. I can say that not one of them had heard of a narcissist, just like me. Even in my therapy session I watch as my therapist makes notes because she is also learning. She asks lots of questions about you and this blog.
    Sixteen years ago I had a hard time finding help with autism and it wasn’t in the media very much. I didn’t know anything about it. Now there are world wide organizations, support groups, various therapies and teachings. Who knows what the world will know about narcissism sister years from now. My life is forever changed from both. I would love to educate people and assist in their healing.

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    1. Wise observations SW and it comes as no surprise to find that not one of them had heard of a narcissist. Many therapists have much to learn about us as well, although yours is clearly willing to do so. It is as I would expect for an empathic individual such as yourself to share your knowledge in this manner and long may you continue to do so.

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      1. Great question HG. Trouble is we generally can’t stop it because we don’t recognise it until it is too late. Twenty or so years ago as a rookie teacher I taught a couple of very difficult students who made my life hell. I vividly recall desperately searching on the internet for information on pathological liars and defiance disorders. I drew a blank. Now that I look back on it I realize that they were both narcissists.
        Fortunately things have changed. Now days thanks to the numerous blogs and articles on the internet, awareness and understanding of narcissism is spreading rapidly. I fortuitously stumbled upon your website which gives us a narc perspective straight from the horses mouth.
        The recent election news coverage in USA also raised awareness as it contained constant references to narcissists and sociopaths.
        Years ago in education we really floundered with diagnosing and producing effective strategies for dealing with difficult students with narcissistic traits. Now days many school counsellors, chaplains, teachers and psychologists are better equipped and trained to identify narcissism along with a myriad of other behavioural disorders. It always amazes me that some students can be so manipulative, nasty, defiant and deceitful at such a young age. We teachers are always on edge with these narc students as we can never quite trust them. Honestly I could write a book about the narcs I have taught over the years. The old saying ‘The apples don’t fall far from the tree’ is all too evident at parent teacher interviews. With a narc student we can pretty much pick straight away which parent is also a narcissist.
        I can see a time in the not too distant future when all law enforcement officers, psychologists, clergy, lawyers, social welfare officers, CEO’s, doctors, teachers etc. complete units of study in their course on identifying and managing the narcissists or sociopaths. Meanwhile I am and will continue do my bit in my little corner of the world and educate everyone willing to listen.
        HG I would be very interested on your words of wisdom on this issue. If a Narc student is being defiant, refuses to do the assigned work and thinks the rules apply to everyone else and not him/her. What would you advise on the best way to manage the situation?

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  9. The song “Heathens” comes to mind yet again. The words say that one doesn’t know of the psychopath sitting next to “you”. So true. Who hangs a sign around their neck saying they are a narcisstic sociopath or a psychopath? No one.

    Appearances are deceiving.

    People who haven’t been involved with your kind don’t listen when I bring it up. People who have…they shudder with empathy. I haven’t brought it up to one who is your kind. I call her Sharc. If she pushes me far enough, I will.

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      1. Lol, this article ao much reminds me of her at this time. Slippery smooth. The infuriating part is that she is common denominator in everyone’s sht and gets away with stirring it in the toilet. Someone should push her in and flush. It makes protective Jaded want to come out and play when Sharc comes swimming around.

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      2. HG. What is one of my resolve? What is my resolve? I’d rather not have anything to do with her. I’m not about to start anything on purpose, but if backed into a corner, I bite (or leave that up to J) I couldn’t win if I tried, plus, and more importantly it isn’t my way…or even J’s. Whatever. Hopefully it never comes to that.

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    1. Hi Jaded!
      I have had the same experience. I have only one friend that will continue to listen to me about narcissists and the rest want me to stop talking about it. That’s why I like to talk here.

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      1. Hi Snow White. I’m indebted to “something” because I found this site when I did. I didn’t realize how much anger I had which was made worse by the fact that N2 hoovered me very shortly after finding here. I’ve learned a ton and am still learning. I’m still confused with a lot of it. Sharing is caring. If people don’t want to listen, their loss, but hopefully one of the people you’ve educated will say, “Ah yes, this is the kind Snow White was talking about.” Opening just one person’s eyes is worth it.

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  10. This is why you are the man, HG.

    Adored this post. Brutal, unfiltered honesty.

    You cannot stop what you cannot see coming.

    Bloody brilliant.

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      1. I have already started – it shall be constructed out of platinum and black diamonds.

        Apt, n`est-ce pas?

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      2. Oh Love.

        Your “shrine” is shrouded in the shadow cast by my massive monument.

        It is not about who was first. It is about quality, quantity, size, and craftsmanship.

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  11. HG, I’m very new to all of this, but believe my husband, soon to be ex-husband, is a Narc.

    Is it possible for a narc to not even be aware of gaslighting, triangulation, etc., due to being raised by a master manipulator and narc?

    10 years of his insidious breakdown of my confidence and worth, 10 years of recently discovered lies. I’ve always relied on my intuition, and he single-handedly deconstructed that as well. I find myself questioning, quite frequently, was he ever genuinely happy? Our wedding day? The birth of our daughter? Or were these merely celebrations that I would legally be his supply now, and the birth of our daughter would also be a biological supply?

    I applaud you for your rawness and honesty, HG.

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    1. Hello Gobsmacked and welcome to the blog. Yes, most narcissists (being of the Lesser or Mid-Range variety) have no insight as to what they are and invariably that is a product of what has happened to them during the formative years,

      He was merely content with the provision of fuel on your wedding day, the birth of your daughter and so forth because that is all that you are to him; appliances to feed him fuel. You will see through my books and work on the blog that this is very much the case and the article concerning wedding vows should be an eye-opener for you which you can find here
      https://narcsite.com/2016/10/02/to-have-and-to-hold/

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  12. I STILL BELIEVE that putting love into Your kind will eventually help…maybe not in every case..maybe not in 100% but I can certainly seeing BIG MASSIVE changes and not ONLY a WILL but A huge EFFORT my narcissistic is doing. huuuge progress. I can see the battle in his eyes when it comes to understanding me and that life can be beautiful and he doesn’t need to be full of anger and battle and that having a positive fuel might not be brilliant but at least his soul recovers and sees hope just like me. I am serving Hom cognitive behaviour therapy one might say and the progress is huuge. ALL THANKS TO YOU dear G.!

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    1. Seduced, you brilliant woman you! You may have just made a break through in NPD therapy: “putting love into you”.
      Yes! By injecting Oxytocin (the love hormone) intravenously into a narc, they may begin to feel love.

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  13. Hello H.G.
    You are always clear, precise and raw. You show the reality through the point of view of a real narcissist, the reality that we have never understood.
    Charming, chamaleontic, energetic vampire. An healthy relationship provides fuel to both while a relationship with a narcissist of this kind sucks the energy to the victim leaving her/him drained. He/she is well adapter in the society and it is hard to recognize easily an energetic vampire. The prey can’t believe that the person that have in front of her/him are just a mirror of her/his desires and a fuel hunter. She/he want believes that he is the great man that seems so ignore any signal of danger. However he/she have not a real interest about the prey, that is just an object useful to have his/her fuel. Nothing more. He/she could do everything for fuel but always with maniacal attention to making his/her actions not punishable and give to the other the responsabity and guilty for what happened.
    I really don’t know if there is a moment in the life of a narcissist in which he is really sad for the suffering he causes. Do you have never feel sadness or guily in some point of your life toward one of your prey?

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  14. I am also wondering about hoovering through facebook monitoring. In the past fortnight I have seen 4 narcs from my past, I’m talking haven’t seen them in years.

    I blocked them a long time ago after realising and never said anything. In all our short conversations, they pointedly said “well we always have facebook to keep in touch,” and then watched my reaction. One of them, who I was never close to at work, said “Facebook is the only way I know you’re alright.”

    Why so much effort tracking people you haven’t seen in years and won’t see?

    From my experience living with one, she would choose people with traits she didn’t have and obsess over them… making them a part of her life and conversation meant she acquired their traits.

    Is this why narcs stalk when they are not even good friends of someone? What other reasons might there be for the compulsion?

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  15. You are right Jaded!!! It only takes one person to make a difference and you and I might do that for someone thanks to what we are learning.
    Enjoy your weekend ❤️🍎❤️

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  16. I don’t know if you could please let me know what you get from this: this guy discarded me only 10 days after flying to him (another country). It was in a disgusting way, by whatsapp message. I had seen more of his true colours in that trip and told him I would never fly again to meet a beater (he had threatened me to beat me the next time I don’t understand something like him getting annoyed because I touched his forehead with paper tissues. I also told him I won’t fly to people who rape. His message was “or gagging, or fisting, or threesome or bondage”. After that I was blocked forever and he never talked to me again. In the meanwhile, while involved with me and so many other women he had what he calls a girlfriend who lives in another continent and they meet twice or three times a year.

    He always talked about how he hates make-up and jewellery and told me that if his gf arrived with this he would be single, that he wanted a pure woman, someone who didn’t need make-up to feel beautiful.

    Ok, I read how this gf posted on a FB group asking for opinions because she said that he had told her she had to choose between make-up and him. Apparently, she chose make-up and he still stayed. One day he hung up on her on Skype because she was wearing make-up. She was more inclined to think this was a personal trait and not a cultural difference, however she said they had many fights because of this issue. In February 2015 she was talking about them getting married and at this stage they had only met a total of 3 weeks in person. Now, November 2016 still they are not married, each in their own country but together.

    What does this sound like?

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    1. Hello Bluesea,

      This sounds like the typical behaviour of Lesser Narcissist and from one you should be relieved to have some geographical distance between. His behaviours are indicative of a desire to exert control for the most banal and trivial of reasons (e.g. make-up), an exhibition of our contradictory nature (which we are entitled to exhibit) for instance him saying choose between him and make-up, she chose make-up and he stayed but days later he hung up on Skype because she was wearing make-up. His responses are the manifestations of the ignition of his fury which result from him perceiving that he has been criticised.

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      1. Hello HG Tudor,

        What is a Lesser Narcissist? On my first trip to visit him when I was leaving I was with him at the airport. I thought he would wait with me until my flight was announced which is what I did when he flew to visit me. After only 10 minutes with me there he told me I was clinging onto him, that he hates airports. He looked at my face intensely and told me it was over and that we would never talk again. I couldn’t comprehend a single thing. Then he walked out on me and never looked back. I was in tears surrounded by people looking at me. When I arrived home he asked me if I had arrived safely and then we spent 2 hours on whatsapp sending messages. He made it really difficult for me, telling me that we would never talk again, that he had to pay 3.50 Euros for parking for the 10 minutes he was inside the airport with me. He said I was very ignorant and that for that he hoped I was sorry. He even sent me an audio on whatsapp he had recorded telling me how he had to peel me off at the airport because I was showing no signs to let him off. I still couldn’t understand. I told him that I thought everything would be like when he came over to me and I waited with him till he had to cross the gate. He told me that people only get to appreciate things when they are gone meaning that now I was losing him I was appreciating him. After 2 hours he said we would talk but that if anything went wrong again or there was any back talk it would be over forever. I was even apologizing to him for I don’t know what because I did nothing wrong.

        When I travelled to him he told me that I had to take only hand luggage and that if I took checked in luggage he wouldn’t pick me up. When I arrived at 11 PM he made me wash my hair because he said there is bacteria on airplanes (I had only flown for 90 minutes). While I was talking to him on Skype one day my mobile phone beeped and he told me that if it beeped again he would hang up. Another time, my mum came into my room and he hung up on me telling me to attend my neighbour and another time I was going to grab something to show him on cam and he told me that if I got up he would hang up. In addition, he would give me time limits to talk saying once that I had 4 minutes and that I needed to structure my talk. He said that I was bad at managing my time and that if I didn’t know how to use 4 minutes next time he wouldn’t give me 3. Another time he counted down 3, 2,1 and he hung up too.

        He has been with this gf who lives in another continent for 2 years but they see each other twice/3 times a year. After seeing each other for only 3 weeks she was talking about how they were going to get married and that was in Feb 2015 but they haven’t yet. He would tell me his gf is stupid and simple minded and always talked about how his relationships don’t last. What I mentioned on my previous post is that he asked her to choose between make-up and him. I don’t know if the hanging up on her because she was wearing make-up was after him asking her to choose or before though. She was saying how when he met her she used to wear make-up and jewellery but that once they talked about getting married he became very radical about this asking her to choose between make-up and him. But if he met her full of make-up and jewellery how come he only starts complaining and giving ultimatums when they talk about getting married??

        I really don’t know what this guy sounds like.

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  17. I don’t know if you could please let me know what you get from this: this guy discarded me only 10 days after flying to him (another country). It was in a disgusting way, by whatsapp message. I had seen more of his true colours in that trip and told him I would never fly again to meet a beater (he had threatened me to beat me the next time I don’t understand something like him getting annoyed because I touched his forehead with paper tissues. I also told him I won’t fly to people who rape. His message was “or gagging, or fisting, or threesome or bondage”. After that I was blocked forever and he never talked to me again. In the meanwhile, while involved with me and so many other women he had what he calls a girlfriend who lives in another continent and they meet twice or three times a year.

    He always talked about how he hates make-up and jewellery and told me that if his gf arrived with this he would be single, that he wanted a pure woman, someone who didn’t need make-up to feel beautiful.
    Ok, I read how this gf posted on a FB group asking for opinions because she said that he had told her she had to choose between make-up and him. Apparently, she chose make-up and he still stayed. One day he hung up on her on Skype because she was wearing make-up. She was more inclined to think this was a personal trait and not a cultural difference, however she said they had many fights because of this issue. In February 2015 she was talking about them getting married and at this stage they had only met a total of 3 weeks in person. Now, November 2016 still they are not married, each in their own country but together.

    What does this sound like?

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  18. Hello HG Tudor,

    What is a Lesser Narcissist? In my first trip to visit him when I was leaving I was with him at the airport. I thought he would wait with me until my flight was announced which is what I did when he flew to visit me. After only 10 minutes with me there he told me I was clinging onto him, that he hates airports. He looked at my face intensely and told me it was over and that we would never talk again. I couldn’t comprehend a single thing. Then he walked out on me and never looked back. I was in tears surrounded by people looking at me. When I arrived home he asked me if I had arrived safely and then we spent 2 hours on whatsapp sending messages. He made it really difficult for me, telling me that we would never talk again, that he had to pay 3.50 Euros for parking for the 10 minutes he was inside the airport with me. He said I was very ignorant and that for that he hoped I was sorry. He even sent me an audio on whatsapp he had recorded telling me how he had to peel me off at the airport because I was showing no signs to let him off. I still couldn’t understand. I told him that I thought everything would be like when he came over to me and I waited with him till he had to cross the gate. He told me that people only get to appreciate things when they are gone meaning that now I was losing him I was appreciating him. After 2 hours he said we would talk but that if anything went wrong again or there was any back talk it would be over forever. I was even apologizing to him for I don’t know what because I did nothing wrong.

    When I travelled to him he told me that I had to take only hand luggage and that if I took checked in luggage he wouldn’t pick me up. When I arrived at 11 PM he made me wash my hair because he said there is bacteria on airplanes (I had only flown for 90 minutes). While I was talking to him on Skype one day my mobile phone beeped and he told me that if it beeped again he would hang up. Another time, my mum came into my room and he hung up on me telling me to attend my neighbour and another time I was going to grab something to show him on cam and he told me that if I got up he would hang up. In addition, he would give me time limits to talk saying once that I had 4 minutes and that I needed to structure my talk. He said that I was bad at managing my time and that if I didn’t know how to use 4 minutes next time he wouldn’t give me 3. Another time he counted down 3, 2,1 and he hung up too.

    He has been with this gf who lives in another continent for 2 years but they see each other twice/3 times a year. After seeing each other for only 3 weeks she was talking about how they were going to get married and that was in Feb 2015 but they haven’t yet. He would tell me his gf is stupid and simple minded and always talked about how his relationships don’t last. What I mentioned on my previous post is that he asked her to choose between make-up and him. I don’t know if the hanging up on her because she was wearing make-up was after him asking her to choose or before though. She was saying how when he met her she used to wear make-up and jewellery but that once they talked about getting married he became very radical about this asking her to choose between make-up and him. But if he met her full of make-up and jewellery how come he only starts complaining and giving ultimatums when they talk about getting married??

    I really don’t know what this guy sounds like.

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  19. What are YOU going to do about it? You admit that this behaviour, to your nearest and dearest, is abusive.

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      1. You describe yourself as..”effective”. Not a bad thing. But what about… fascinated, indulgent, excited, relaxed….? To name but a few.

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      2. I can be fascinated yes. I am indulgent. I am not so much excited, more a keen anticipation I do not get butterflies that people have spoken of or feel like I cannot sit still.
        Relaxed? I may appear it but the only time I am relaxed is when I am asleep. The mind is always working.

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      3. Hi HG,
        What would a sociopath matrinarc do if I asked her to leave my childhood photographs out in a box for police to collect?

        I’ve always been confused by her swinging loyalty and sudden bouts of terror or generosity. Perhaps you know how her mind may work.

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      4. She would contact you and attack you for being so hurtful. She would smear you for being a heartless and unpleasant child after all she has done for you and probably burn half of the photos to provoke you.

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