Twenty Questions with HG Tudor

One of my readers, Jamie, asked me twenty questions about the narcissistic dynamic and about me and I provided the answers in my usual candid style which you can listen to as per the link below.

 

153 thoughts on “Twenty Questions with HG Tudor

  1. Lou says:

    1jaded1, you obviously mean that.
    It is Emotion Detective, HG Tudorโ€™s current IPPS (all the way from Detroit),
    HG calls her ED OT.
    Honestly, I did not follow all the interactions she had with HG and others in this blog, but the comments she posted that I read did give me the impression she was totally screwy.
    And I guess I am now HG Tudorโ€™s Lou Tenant No 666.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Hi Lou, No 666. I’m from Detroit. I am native. I am not Emotional Detective. HG enlightens me. I want to say that I would take feet and run. In truth I would probably stand transfixed. That day will likely not come.

  2. Lou says:

    Hi 1jaded1. Do you mean, who is ED OT No 1?

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Yep. You don’t have ro say. Just curious.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Hi Lou. Who?

  4. Tappan Zee says:

    On that note. Is the word idiot in the narc playbook? I heard it a lot. Imbecile too. I hear neither in the “real” world. Now that I am out and back in it.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Naturally.

  5. Lou says:

    Oh oh, another Lou aboard. May be time for me to change names. I know, ED OT is already taken. I do qualify for it though ๐Ÿ˜’

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are not an ED OT.

      1. Not up to date on the lingo I guess… what’s OT?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Say it out loud SW and it sounds like a certain word.

          1. Lisa says:

            Lol okay got it ๐Ÿ˜†

      2. Ok, I’m sitting here by myself saying OT out loud…and I’m still not getting it… ugh.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Say ‘E’ then ‘D’ then pronounce OT as in the sound of the o and the t in the word ‘dot’. Sounds like a French person using an English insult!

          1. Oh! Got it ๐Ÿ˜‰ finally…

      3. Blue Lou says:

        I am human ergo I am an ED OT…. LOL

        Ok, I should not be so hard on humanity or myself. So how about Hairy Little ED OT as a new name for me. It is cute.

        Orโ€ฆ HG Tudor’s No 2 ED OT. We know who No 1 is… Although, she comes across more as a lunatic.

        Maybe my new name should be Not So Lou-natic. ๐Ÿ˜‰

        OK, Iโ€™d better go back to work.

  6. Lou says:

    How come I can’t open this video?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I suspect the video has been removed.

  7. superxena says:

    @mymasterstoy
    Hello mymasterstoy!
    Extremely interesting your comment…Could you expand what you mean by: ….”And that more than you get out of a neurotypical” when you describe the chemistry in the interaction empath-narcissist?

  8. Anonymous says:

    Why does it say this video is unavailable? And what is it with all the hearts in the comment section? Fuel fuel fuel fool.

    1. Anonymous says:

      Oh I see Ballerina asked about the video as well. I should look before I ask.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      I suspect it is because the person whose video it is has removed it or changed the link or such like. I was interviewed but it was not my video.

      1. Anonymous says:

        I tried to find it and I find most things if they are still around, didn’t manage to find the video. Unless she changed her name as well, I don’t think it’s still around.

  9. ballerina9 says:

    Hi HG,
    “The video is not available anymore”
    You must have moved it to a different file as the link doesn’t work any longer.
    Did a quick search on your YouTube channel, to no avail.
    Let me know when it’s back up.
    Tx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I will have a look Ballerina9. It was not my video so it might be that someone else has taken it down.

      1. ballerina9 says:

        It wasn’t “YOUR” video?! But everything is yours!
        How “un-narc” of you!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, but note I am blaming someone else because of course it is never my fault.

          1. ballerina9 says:

            Arghhh! How could I miss that!
            That’s why I still have my “Understanding the Narc” training wheels on!

  10. Eve says:

    I have been listening and reading to all your work HG, including several stories on line from counselors and survivors. What mostly turns me off, is how much the narc is “demonized”. The only reason they have any effect is by contrast from the empath victim – so I see most of the youtube information more bate for the narc. Your delivery is extremely articulate and scientific. I have only ONE question that nobody seems to address in my research: since, especially in your case. some narcs learn to be this way, can a narc ever change? Ever experience love and empathy? Spiritual surrender? I’m curious because all the information seems to point towards NO – this is how they are forever, which would indicate they are simply wired this way from birth, reminds me of what a pure reptilian would be (specifically Annunaki).
    Really enjoying your information!!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi Eve. I do not mind being demonised because it amounts to fuel. I am pleased to state that the vast majority of people here understand the intention of this blog and embrace it as a means of understanding. Of course they are perfectly entitled to express their disgust and horror at some of my behaviours, I expect nothing less from decent empathic people, but my readers also understand why I do this and that the delivery of the brutal truth in my unique style assists in driving the message home.
      It always amuses me when once in a while somebody comes here and tries to lecture the readers that they are just giving me fuel and then this person attacks me. The irony is that I gain little fuel (the readers are remote strangers conveying fuel through an electronic media so low down on the Fuel Index) but those that attack me are giving negative fuel which is ranked higher than positive fuel, so their attack against the readers and me is pointless if they think it troubles us.

      Can a narc change? I do not believe so, but I keep an open mind on the subject. Certainly the Lessers and Mid-Rangers cannot, because they do not know what they are. My kind, the Greaters potentially could, I can see that, but of course we would want to have to change and there is the major hurdle.
      Could you explain to me what you mean by spiritual surrender?
      I am pleased you are enjoying my information.

      1. Eve says:

        Ah yes, of course! You are stirring up my deep lifelong amusement and attraction to narcs. I honestly don’t think I can live without them. The wit and range of intelligence sparks me. By spiritual surrender I mean giving up your will to a higher energy, aka God (NOT religion). Also experienced in many forms of meditation like TM. I’m guessing no, but I am fascinated by one thing- I am fueled by the surrender to higher frequencies ie: meditation, manifesting through chanting, through my music, etc – but I am also deeply drawn to the magical realms of the narc. I suppose friendships are the most I could have, based on your summary, right? Thank you.

      2. mymasterstoy says:

        I’ve notice that a lot of your readers seem to have a noticeable attraction to you. Making me realize that I’m not the only one that ,even though I’ve figured it out, I love the chemistry between Narc and Empath. Even if the love isn’t real. The interaction is. And that more than you get out of a neurotypical most of the time

      3. ava101 says:

        What do you mean by magical realms, Eve?
        No, you cannot be friends.

  11. LizNewton says:

    I’m not being bitter or lashing out in pain here, I’m truly not, but honesty, the sex with MY ex narc was absolutely rubbish. It was like being with an adolescent or a low-budget porn star. It was uninspired, disconnected, like being with a jack hammer, there was never any foreplay, he would finish and that would be my hard luck if I hadn’t. Often I would be left feeling very sore and used. I’m not a slut but had an adequate number of sexual partners before hooking up with him so I had experience to bench mark it against. He really thought he was a god in the scratcher but honestly from my perspective he wasn’t. It was like shagging a robot.

    I’ve given this a lot of thought and cast my mind back to the start when the big seduction happened and I felt like it back then too. Perhaps it was because I was so obviously easy to hook with other things, that he didn’t feel the need to bother. It was one of my red flags actually – “oh dear, this is disappointing, he’s clueless.” I do remember telling him (after I found out about the affair that ended us) that the woman in question must have been incredibly inexperienced if she thought sex with him was the best thing ever because I thought it was shite. Up until then I’d lied about it, to preserve his fragile ego.

    Perhaps he was so busy getting it everywhere else – even at the start, that he really couldn’t be arsed to perform for me. Who knows?

    1. Eve says:

      Hahaha!! A jackhammer with circus music playing. I totally get it. I have been serving myself up like an obedient victim to narcs my entire life – like a hamster on a wheel. Finally, I’m aware, and thawing out is very painful. But at least I have a chance at real love. Meanwhile, I still don’t quite know how to deal with the little asshole gas-lighters!

  12. Lou says:

    Thanks HG. Yes, I understand; why change when the construct works so well for you and your kind?
    I am a codependent raised by a greater narcissist. Even before learning about narcissism, I had this image of my mother going through life like a big panzer, smashing things on her way with ease and always looking through a narrow opening. I saw how that panzer protected her and allowed her to move along with a steady pace. I hated the panzer and would throw stones at it regularly but I knew it was an effective vessel for her and that she would never leave it.
    I have another image of you though that I would like to share with you as you seem to have a good sense of humor. I see you more like Darth Vader, with a much sexier voice, at the moment he carries the emperor to throw him into… whatever it is he throws him into. Yes, I have the impression that through your books and posts, you are throwing the emperor into the abyss (there). And the good news is that it is not killing you, although you still need your mask and armor to breath and survive. I guess you write out of self interest, for your own pleasure, therapy and “glory”. I do not know. But when I read you, I cannot help thinking and feeling that your writing has a side that could almost be compared to an act of love to my kind. But maybe that is just my codependent mind.
    Anyway, thanks again for your books.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lou, thank you for your post. The Panzer image is a good one. Your Darth Vader comparison is an interesting one viz a viz his treatment of the Emperor. I understand why you think that of my writing, it is not born out of that but if you wish to regard it as that, feel free to do so. I suppose it must be the case that I have to get in touch with my Anakin Skywalker now! Thanks again.

  13. Lou says:

    Hello HG. I would like to know if your therapy with the good doctors, together with your writing, have reduced your need for fuel. In other words, are you getting better? You said in the interview Kim was in the devaluation phase. Tthat means you are still in old patterns. Do you think one day you will be able to live without your need for fuel? Do you want to reach that point? Do you think it is possible to recover from narcissism?
    Thanks for all your books and texts.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lou, thank you for your question. It has not reduced my need for fuel but the idea of self-fuelling is something that is being worked on. I do not (at this stage) see a time when I will live without the need for fuel, but the good doctors believe I can achieve that. Do I want to reach that point? Firstly, I see no reason to derail this train which is forging ahead with ease. Secondly, if I no longer pursued fuel something else of considerable substance would have to replace it because it is all I have ever known and I wonder if that is possible and what risk it might pose to me.
      I do not think one can recover from narcissism, but there may be ways of controlling its manifestation. Thank you for reading Lou.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        What do you think are the risks so far?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Loss of control, loss of power, the loss of the construct, the release of the creature and all of the awful consequences which arise from the loss of fuel should this supposed transition fail.

      2. Pelly says:

        “Secondly, if I no longer pursued fuel something else of considerable substance would have to replace it because it is all I have ever known and I wonder if that is possible and what risk it might pose to me.”
        Hi HG,

        ๐Ÿ‘for the great work on the topic and ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ‘ to the good Drs for encouraging you to venture out this publicly with the intel.

        I’m interested in your comments above because as a Christian, I see them as the crux of the condition you carry. The inability to trust in an outside source of power/life/Saviour, to relinquish control of your life to an authority figure. Christianity uses unsophisticated language/words as – humility, love, joy, peace, contentment…parables galore.

        I wonder if you would be open to reading the Gospels on the person of Jesus Christ and examining his claims for yourself, what he said about himself….after all, on the face of it, he made the most outrageously narcissistic claims that indeed he was the Son of God and Son of man.
        Kind regards

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Pelly, thank you for your kind comments. I do not have the time to read the Gosepls, but I would be interested to read your summary of how you believe that they would assist me in some way.

  14. Bonnie says:

    H.G. thank you very much for your response and your candid honesty. When I referred to the building up: yes.I was thinking along the lines of when did you build up this extra defense of protection. As in, is it possible that fear of rejection is aiding in your emotions. Usually, that’s the main culprit. And usually as a child. I will continue reading. I’m not sure your age but hopefully this is something you can continue to learn more about yourself. I feel for you. Without some of these emotions, your life is void of some of the best things. Keep in touch and take care.

  15. IveLostMyself says:

    Ok, H.G., I “treated” myself and listened to it. Good interview overall, I was a little disappointed in some of the questions. For instance jail and where one would get more “fuel”.
    What captivates my mind is where is the one that got away, if any. When was the last time you felt loved or felt capable of loving something or someone. Where along did you build it up for no more rejection? There is more here than meets eye. You are searching for an endless supply of fuel you say… You seem to be looking, and I don’t think you know exactly what it is you are searching for. Do you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not so much as feel loved but see the love that is being shown to me and I feel it as fuel. I know that love is being evidenced towards me, but I “feel” it in a different way. When did I feel capable of loving someone? I don’t really remember that well anymore.
      Do you mean where did I build it up for no more rejection in terms of rejection of me? That process began when I was a child.
      I know I am searching for that endless supply of positive fuel and I know who I can get it from, but whether that is achievable remains to be seen. Mind you, you are not the first person to say your last two sentences to me ILM.

      1. Sail Away says:

        No woman can give you an endless supply of fuel. Trust me, if that were true, some of us who are beautiful, passionate, empathy would have done so and been that with the men who eventually discarded us.

        How is it you really think that’s possible?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes they can give us an endless supply of fuel SA, I have seen it done. The problem there is the potency of that fuel.

          1. Sail Away says:

            Wow.

            I didn’t realize that was possible.

            If I still love him should I strive for that?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No because either your potency, frequency and/or quantity will not be good enough and you will suffer the consequence that follow.

          3. MLA - Clarece says:

            But that you also crave the negative fuel that makes you feel more powerful. Potent positive fuel doesn’t seem to do it.

      2. NarcAngel says:

        I keep coming back to your line:
        I know that love is being evidenced towards me, but I “feel” it in a different way.

        Its very close to something for me but I cant seem to work it out yet. I have always had difficulty with the concept of “love”. People talk of it and demonstrate it in myriad of ways, usually no two the same, and yet there is this collective idea that we know what it is and whether people have it in their life or not. I dont believe I have ever had it. I have felt infatuation, warmed, admired, been deferred to, etc, but I have never felt this all encompassing thing people point to under the umbrella of “love”. In each stage of my life I thought it was something that would come to me or arrive after some milestone and I would be able to identify it then. That is not to say that I sit around moping or pining (far from it) for what others claim to have. Maybe its just another form of “love” to be able to value yourself enough to find another way to express yourself when the collective definition of it fails some of us. Even, yes even if one has to create a false self to navigate where we feel we cannot.

        Yes, indeed I think I have felt love “being evidenced towards me”. I have been shown what others believe to be love but I have neither felt it or given it. That sentence has resonated with me and I thank you for it.

  16. NarcAngel says:

    Excellent interview both sides. I look forward to more with Jamie. I was there for the information of course but just as an aside, I found this post far sexier than your Hush post. Same voice-its the intelligence,candour, and humour that attract me. You never disappoint in that regard.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you NA, I appreciate that.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        Forgot to ask-can you direct me to more information about this isolation project that has been referred to? In addition to your blog posts I have so far read Decipher, Fuel, Sitting target, and Sex and the Narcissist. Thank you for directing me to the kindle app. It is proving to be most lucrative for Amazon.ca and for you as well haha but I dont regret a dime that I have spent or the ones I have not yet spent ( BUT WILL ).

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello NA, there is no further information on the isolation project as it is very much in the discussion stage. Thank you for reading my works and I hope you continue to do so as there is much to learn and to read.

      2. Sail Away says:

        Seriously right? That voice like velvet strips of dark chocolate velvet. And that genuine-sounding, magnetic, deep laugh.

        With every post he proves yet again we are who we are, drawn to his charisma, and he is who he is, easily able to seduce (5 rules notwithstanding).

  17. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. If you have any interest in living forever, you could visit the Cryonics Institute in Clinton Township, Michigan. Just let me know if you decide to come in and I will make sure I don’t come in during that time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      But you said we would have a pod together 1jaded!

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Did not! It does give new meaning to the phrase “Together Forever”…if we shared a pod…which we won’t.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Did so. I made up the evidence in my mind a week ago.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        You’d be begging your way out within less than a week. And plus, we need to meet on Halloween 2017 on neutral ground…of course we won’t.

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        If we can’t spend a day together, it is unlikely we can spend a death together…

  18. OakorWillow? says:

    My N would never commit suicide. I’ve suggested it to him but he refuses. Says he wants to live forever. If he does happen to die he would like to be waked/mourned for 40 days (at least). It surprises me that other narcs threaten/attempt suicide. Is this normal N behavior?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi OakorWillow, it is now standard behaviour, for example, I have never done it. It is a Hoover Power Play that some of our type utilise in order to draw somebody back to them and is rarely ever done with any intention of ever carrying out. We consider ourselves to be too important and too valuable to the world to want to die.

  19. IveLostMyself says:

    I haven’t listened to it yet. And from the posts, I’m scared he has an almost hypnotic voice. Maybe I’m healed?!?! Lol

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Go on, treat yourself and have a listen, what could possibly go wrong?

      1. IveLostMyself says:

        Haha yep. I can hear the cockiness just oozing. Treat myself eh?

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          It’s like trick or treat every day of the year!

  20. 1jaded1 says:

    Such an enlightening interview, HG. It was excellent in its entirety. The following stuck out.

    A couple of things hit the mark with respect to N2. He hated the nonreaction to ST and gave me comeuppance regarding the delayed response to his text with, “I don’t even know why I bother to text you.”

    Run, Kim…escape! You are being devalued…next step is discard…run! HG, do you have new primary sources in line? No, this is not an offer. With you being a Somatic, I would hardly fit your criteria.

    Your answer to the last question is intriguing. I look forward to monitoring that situation.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you 1jaded and I am pleased you listened. Just a point of correction I am an elite, not a somatic.

      1. Love says:

        He’s got the brains and the looks ๐Ÿ˜

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        Thank you for pointing out that I left out elite. It wasn’t intentional. You are elite. In the interview I heard somatic elite. Nonetheless, you would still pass me on by…

      3. Love says:

        1jaded1, don’t underestimate yourself. Confidence is the most beautiful feature on any person. Work it girl!

  21. MLA - Clarece says:

    Outstanding interview! I loved Jamie’s questions and her timing. Looking forward to another one if you both do a Part II in a few weeks.
    On a side note, it did not surprise me about Kim now in the devalue phase. You have said she never knew about this side of you, with your books, blog, therapy, etc. Many of us are watching you grow and evolve here and that is keeping such an important and monumental part of your life secret. I think you would relish the chance to experience an IP who can view the whole package, the man behind HG Tudor along with HG Tudor. Keeping someone at arm’s length and a wall around this side of you can never let a relationship get off the ground to have a chance. Just my 2 cents.

  22. I have read with interest the comments and The Get Bent one has all the laughter endorphins going! A sheltered life HG, really I would have never guessed, lol! Now back to business: Suicide from narcissists- It happens.
    Moved on in my life and had been standing against that many hoovers, stalking, roof hopping, roof living, break in’s per day, night, weeks to months and police were sick of scraping their teste’s hurdling my back picket fence to catch Mr N fast on his feet, and standing in dog poop from my Duke boy in trying to catch Mr N for continually breaching the orders.
    Police answering service was in place to record every attempt that went straight to their tape recorder so captured every threat etc.
    Telstra changed the line to new private numbers sometimes three times per day with new issued homeline number. One day a call came in and this time there was more desperation in his voice and we were fed up so kept him on the line.

    He was killing himself and I did not think there was any way that such a selfish, gnat would do such a thing as he preferred the stalking and whatever else he got off on creeping around having the whole neighbourhood on watch. His voice was resolved in a strange way, different and accepting of the demise of his actions. He had conceded defeat (that was bizarre). He wished me well and asked that I have a happy life and that he hopes I find the man who will appreciate everything about me that he did but could not show. I just listened and asked him where he was and I could hear the horns of cars going off, as his voice became more slurry. He was on his mobile phone heading down a mountain road, he replied. Naturally I asked which road, where- too late, I heard a horrendous crash to think he actually put me through that knowing that I could hear it and feel it (Angry Face) that he would risk other road users! I stayed on the line, there were noises, no voice coming from him, I do not know where his phone ended up but I could hear everything. I honestly heard no voices, no people that came but an ambulance came through the distance and I knew, I just knew it was not a joke and it was not going to pass him.

    Sirens, as vivid in my memory as if it were happening now- the phone had a voice on the other end (can you imagine that he had set it up so that when they recovered him it must have been in a place that was easy to access, or they perhaps looked for contacts and found that it was still in call. An ambo spoke to me, it was not looking good. He gave me some details: He had smashed coming down a gully into a tree. He was unconscious and bleeding from his head and that was that, I was given numbers to follow up for the hospital he would be transported to.

    I feel nauseous speaking about this- tummy flips but they do it, they actually will go to depths that others would not. Not only do they do it, they drag you through it and that is the horror of it. The police turning up in bulletproof vests when he had a hostage, small child to force my subservience again cost him dearly. He never learned, boundaries!

    His skull was fractured and a metal plate in his head to remind him of himself. There were other minor injuries, he was lucky he survived. Did he learn after that? NO NO & NO.

    A shrine was found through a false wall he built with wife no 2 and I won’t go there but he is a disturbed, very deranged person and HG is correct they come back after years and try and try again for fuel however I won the battle. Wife no 2 remarried. He shall resurface someday, no doubt.

  23. Indy says:

    So lovely to hear your normal pace talking voice as well. Great questions and very informative.

    My recent ex threatened suicide (not during break up) and my ex husband faked a suicide attempt when I asked for a divorce. I left for the day and returned to him on the bed, barely conscious with empty pill bottles everywhere. I thought it was a real attempt, called ambulance, had his stomach pumped at the ER. The ER staff told me it was a fake attempt, nothing in the stomach was found in the form of pills, not even residue. They told me I had two choices, either watch him for 72 hours or have him committed. I, the dutiful wife at the time………had his ass committed. I was pissed! And I left him without batting an eye.

    When my recent ex made a suicide plea, I said to him that if he was serious I would call an ambulance and have him committed for 72 hours. I don’t play with suicide. If they are serious, they get the help they need. If they are not, well….its not fun to be watched for 72 hours in the hospital. Behavior extinguished.

    1. Becky says:

      My ex knew the suicide thing wouldn’t work with me, so instead he told our adult daughter that he was suicidal. She called me crying and, of course, blamed me. I simply said that maybe he should get some counseling. I also said that maybe he would feel better about himself if he wasn’t trying to throw an 80 year old man with Dimentia ( my dad) out of his house. That 80 year old man and his wife (my mom) had helped buy the house by paying the entire down payment, plus they put their entire life savings into fixing it up. They were told that they could live in it for the rest of their lives. When my ex got engaged, he decided he wanted to sell it. If I was that much of a jerk I would feel suicidal! The sad thing is that with narcs it’s just part of the game.

    2. Not So Sad says:

      I like your style Indie !!

    3. The Punisher says:

      Hi Indy! You’re awesome!

    4. 1jaded1 says:

      Definitely Indy. A call to 911 is in order.

      1. Indy says:

        Thank you NNS, TP, and 1Jaded1. Yah, I survived serious depression with suicidal ideation and made it through with hard work. I work with those that have a high risk of suicide and I take it seriously. one can never know when they will go through the threat or not.

    5. strongerwendy says:

      I’m reading older posts and came across this one. Not sure if comments on old posts get buried or not.

      My first narc was my first relationship. It started when I was 13 (he was 15). I really had no idea what a normal relationship was (and thanks to this initial one I still don’t think I do).

      He was overwhelmingly nice at first but then was a bully, controlling, he beat up anyone he suspected of looking at me. He made one boy who talked to me eat tree bark. He watched my face while walking down the hallways at school to make sure I wasn’t looking at any other boys. He pushed all my boundaries slowly, one by one, and I did more sexually much earlier than I would have liked.

      Apparently, I was/am pretty – I hate even writing that. He told me “I love you but, you are not really that pretty you know, so don’t think anyone else will ever think so.” I believed him as I was so young and did not yet have a strong sense of self – and to this day can’t really believe I’m attractive/good enough no matter how much I hear it. I wasn’t aware of this whole cause and effect until recently.

      So fate intervened and I had to move away to a different city when I was 16 because my mother was remarrying. This was a stroke of luck for me because I don’t know how I would have escaped him otherwise. He hadn’t hit me yet, but was starting to punch the wall next to my head, etc.

      He wasn’t done, however. I finished highschool in the new city (while there meeting the second narc of significance, but that’s is own horror story). I went on to college. Freshman year my first narc discovered where I was attending. I hadn’t seen him in two years. One of his friends was also attending. He easily found out where my dorm was and just showed up. I was shocked and scared. He followed me around, kept trying to hug me and physically lift me up. Saying “look at my pretty wendy” to the people standing near us outside the dorms (yes, it was weird). I got away from him and he left. My sophomore year he came back and found me again. I had him removed from the dorm I was living in. I hid out in other dorms that my friends lived in so he couldn’t find me. Eventually, he left.

      A week later, his friend called me to tell me my first narc had killed himself by shooting himself in the head.

      I felt nothing.

  24. E. B. says:

    Great interview! I like your accurate, articulate speech and the way you explain how your kind think and behave. What I most appreciate is your honesty, HG.

    You have written in your book Manipulated about the narcissist making the victim being obsessed with him but not the other way round.
    In your interview you have given important information when you talked about the two types of obsession:
    a) the malicious obsession and b) the fuel obsession.

    The main narcissist who is maliciously ***obsessed*** with me is definitely a Greater. She has never got any kind of negative fuel from me and has got very little to almost no positive fuel in over a decade. I feel that she really hates me. She has been trying to destroy my life until today. There must be a reason than just some jealousy or envy, something bigger to trigger her fury. People in small towns/villages are used to talk behind other peopleโ€™s backs and to make things up.

    Do you think it is possible that someone has told her something I must have supposedly done to her (a big lie), which had serious consequences for her (like some kind of loss) and because of this she is “malicious obsessed” with me?

    I come from a city with over one million people and due to being ostracized by her and her coterie/lieutenants (they refer to me as The Woman and I am supposed to be crazy) I was never able to get to know anyone here where I am living.

    You are providing us with vital information nowhere else to be found and I really appreciate it.
    I am looking forward to your next interview.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello EB, thank you for your kind comments. As you know, fuel is the primary motivator for what we do. The fact that she continues to try to ‘hammer’ you despite getting no fuel from you, causes me to wonder if what is actually happening is that she is hammering you and is gaining plenty of fuel form the coterie who worship her for attacking you (even though you are not reacting) and therefore she is using you as a part of a malign facade. She is the hero to her admirers as she continues to attack you as The Woman and therefore it serves her purposes to keep attacking you, even though you are not giving her anything from it. For it to keep happening for such a long period of time can only be effective is she is getting something from it and I suspect it is coming from elsewhere.

      There is a further interview next week by the way.

      1. E. B. says:

        Hello HG, thank you so much for your kind reply and help which I really appreciate. Please accept my apologies for not thanking you before. I hope you did not feel criticized. I had not seen your reply until today.

        Although I do not have any detailed information about what sort of lies are told about me, I feel that people see me as a kind of โ€œthreatโ€ because of the way they behave every time they see me.

        It has gotten worse over the years, especially since The Greater recruited an anti-social family, who live next door too and are baiting me almost daily. You wrote in Escape that people of your kind like to recruit people in position of authority.

        HG, I think you are right. The Greater, her family (an alcoholic husband, one of her children exhibits anti-social behaviour) and her coterie (a police officer whom I suspect has a BPD and her Lesser alcoholic husband who cannot control his behaviour) are probably seen as โ€œHeroesโ€ who are protecting people from The Woman. They may feel powerful that they are able to manipulate such a lot of people (adults and children) including all people who happen to come into contact with me.

        I have read that predators prey on people who are isolated and without a social network to support them. My husband, who was diagnosed with a chronic disease after getting married several years ago, needs care round the clock, uses a wheelchair and is treated as if he did not exist by the people here. So I think I am an easy prey for them. Fighting back against a whole group of people would not be wise and if I did, I would be giving them fuel.

        I have listened to your third interview (Part 2 Out of The Box Radio) and I have found it really helpful, especially when you said that people of your kind want to keep us emotional. Thank you very much for your valuable advice. Reading your work, posts and your replies helps me to understand more and more what I am going through, thus I avoid getting emotional, and I can concentrate and make better decisions.

        I wish you a successful New Year!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello EB, thank you for your kind words, I appreciate you taking the time to convey them to me and I wish you a Happy New Year also.

  25. Not So Sad says:

    Hello Jackie .

    I’ve just read your comment .

    I’m in not siding with HG he can handle himself.
    On a personal note if you’re looking to understand how Narcs work then this is the place to find it . I’m speaking from experience after nearly 15 years with an abuser & over a year searching for the answers

    It’s not because he’s filled my head with whatever I wanted to hear . It’s because everything he posts reflects on my past experiences & hes given me all the answers I need to move on with my life .

    Is it ” Perverse” to look for answers?

    1. Not So Sad, I am glad to see the Not at the beginning! ๐Ÿ™‚ <3

      1. Not So Sad says:

        Aw Thanks dragoncreeper .

        I’m happier than I’ve been in a very long time . ๐Ÿ™‚ xx

    2. Becky says:

      Not So Sad,

      I totally agree. I just found this sight this week. I was married to one for 22 years with 5 kids. It has been so helpful to have my thoughts validated. I always thought deep down that there was something wrong with him, but he managed to convince the kids that I was just crazy. I eventually doubted myself and thought I just wasn’t good enough. What I would really like is to put my ex in a room with HG!๐Ÿ˜† Now, that would be entertained.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        Hi Becky! ๐Ÿ™‚

        Thanks for taking the time to post & I’m sorry to hear you had 22 years in at the hands of a narc..

        I understand you’re self doubt and naturally he painted you as ” Crazy” they all do ! .
        I really hope you find the blog as helpful and as informative as many of us have.
        HG really does know his stuff.

        It’s helped me to move on with my life instead of searching for answers & also understand the complexities of how a narcs think,how it effects us & importantly what we can do to take back control so it never happens again .

        Keep reading & asking questions the support here is amazing ! I can also recommend HGs books . ๐Ÿ™‚

        Nice to talk to you & Welcome .

        NNS xx

  26. Mary says:

    I can’t believe some of the comments on here! Really?! Get bent! Other wise good interview there H G.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Mary, what does ‘get bent’ mean?

      1. Mary says:

        Top Definition

        get bent
        Telling someone to fuck off or go fuck themselves.

        #fuck off #piss off #go to hell #fuck yourself #fuck you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I’d never heard that before. I must have led a sheltered existence! Thank you for clarifying.

      2. Mary says:

        I am Canadian so could be a North American thing ๐Ÿ™‚

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        Haha…you and sheltered existence do not go hand in hand. I use that phrase often and no, I don’t know Mary.

  27. Jacquie says:

    I’m certain this won’t be posted, they’re clearly being screened, but I’m sure you’ll read. These girls are as perverse as you. ;D It’s comical. Why read the stories of people who consciously seek the abuse?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Interesting Jacquie, do you think that they all consciously seek the abuse or do you think it is more to do with a sub-conscious need which they have not realised until it has been too late and they are now trying to address?
      I read them because I read everything posted here and I read them because I find them interesting and it allows me to learn more.

      1. Love says:

        It’s definitely a sub-conscious need. I can confirm it because this is the first time in my adult life I’ve gone narc-free. The withdrawal symptoms are not easy. Mr. Tudor, your bar analogy of empaths/narcs and the red/blue light is so spot on. I have to constantly catch myself when I’m out, because I feel a great pull towards the blue light. Lets not even mention how drawn to you I am.

      2. Yolo says:

        The softer side of HG.โ˜บ Your first loves are also revealed. I missed this last post. Hummโ˜บ

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      Jacquie, how is being abused and wanting to seek answers funny? People want to learn from the best.

    3. 1jaded1 says:

      Jacquie…HG does moderate his comments. I have a number of unanswered in queue. I am a difficult one and I joke about making him angry. He may or may not be angry but bottom line is that it is his blog and his rules, be it 5 or infinite number.

  28. Seduced says:

    apart from the personal questions quora books and Your blog provided all the answers. but what a lovely hour ! music to my ears ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Seduced.

  29. Not So Sad says:

    When you described how a prisoner might react if put into solitary HG made me think about how you will may feel when you go into isolation albeit through choice. .. Are you still planning it ?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is very much in its earliest inception NSS my pre-existing commitments and schedule will not allow for it just yet, I have a rather full diary for some time.

      1. Not So Sad says:

        That’s the price you have to pay for fame HG .. Nearly on two million hits already !
        Well done x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you NSS, yes two million is in site and there is still much more to convey and even more people to convey it to.

          1. Not So Sad says:

            Get the champers on ice HG, you’ll be there before you know it :0 )

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I predict 13th December.

          3. Not So Sad says:

            To think you hit the first million in August & as soon as December for the second .. It shows how popular your blog is ..
            I always said it would be. Glad you listened to my excellent advice … ! ๐Ÿ™‚

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Now now NSS stop stealing my character traits !

      2. In other words, your “Dance card” is full.
        A most generous share. Thank-you to both Hg Tudor and Jamie. Well done. Much respect.

      3. Love says:

        I’m glad the isolation project will not occur anytime soon. I won’t know how to carry on without you. It makes me sad just thinking about it.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Your concern is appreciated Love.

  30. Not So Sad says:

    I’ve just spent the last hour listening to this. Very interesting questions Jamie with some very illuminating answers from HG .. Well worth listening to .

    Thank you both .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you NSS, yes they were good questions.

  31. You know how I see it? An individual living in absolute fear and insecurity of being pulled back to a place that hurt so much that they are constantly wracking their brains to cover all of the bases. Does this make sense: N said: You won’t get under me, you won’t get through me, you won’t get above me, you won’t get behind me and you won’t get beneath me. LOL Guess I did!

  32. Candid answers to the questions that I would have selected to ask and no illusions, exactly as I know it to be. Good stuff HG! I never doubted it, it is what it is. Particularly liked the comment about becoming paralysed so therefore you can identify with the pain or locked in states that erode the self via trauma. You just do all you can to not feel that and why would you not, who wants to feel like crap! On that token, perhaps spare a thought for the fact no one wants to feel like that neither certainly not by the hands of another ๐Ÿ˜€

  33. Is it not risky though HG? Would your double life be at risk if for some reason your voice was identified by those you least wish for it to be revealed to? A gamble, but then you are a gambler ๐Ÿ˜‰

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No it’s not.

    2. Good question PurpleRibbonHealing, I was thinking this as well!

      HG, a lot of us searched for reasons why our lover was behaving in a certain way… it lead us to Narcissism (NPD) and then lead us here. You do not think that this would ever happen with one of your IP’s?
      I hate to say it but I am a master of voice recognition… I need nothing but to talk to someone one or two times, no visuals needed, and I can identify who is on the end.

      PRH is correct, you are taking a gamble, your IP will have something to throw at you and tell anyone willing to listen. You will then be exposed.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No, it would not happen. Even if there is a slight chance one of my former primary sources recognised my voice, they would know better than to do anything that would cause me a problem because it would cause them a tenfold problem. When I release Dark Cupid, it will make more sense to you, but thank you for your observations.

        Does your voice recognition extend to anybody or just those you have taken an interest in?

        1. Anyone. I do not know why but we didn’t have caller ID for years and for some reason I just pick up on voices easily… people call in and I know who they are. The guys love it and even try to disguise their voices, very few have been lucky enough to fool me but they try.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Interesting and a useful skill. Funny how you didn’t recognise my voice though….

          2. Ha, you wish you were that close to me and I know you’ve never called me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

          3. HG Tudor says:

            But you have heard my voice dear DC

          4. Of course, we all have my liege.

      2. Dragoncreeper you are correct in what you say and not to mention that the net is crawling with victims looking for answers. They are on every platform. Social media has them naming their narcissists, that in itself is not being monitored and many go to a lot of effort to make sure that their narcissists have no idea and as you stated due to our hypervigilance or empath gifts, we lock in faces, voices in an instant and our recall is 100%.

        1. I do disagree with naming anyone on the net… I have heard people say that there should be a registry but really that is not right. There is someone for everyone right? BUT you are right about that… I have seen names and even pictures. I am guilty of sharing a picture in the beginning but it was of the eyes and how they go black and empty. I do not think that we can identify a narcissist by eyes though… I am sure my eyes have been completely empty enough times.

          I find it funny that empaths have the gift of voices and faces with such an accurate recall, I would have never tied it to empathy BUT that would be accurate in my case. I’d like to assume it is because I am a great observer upon meeting anyone… I love to watch everything from the eyes, mouth, to the way they talk, body movement, hand gestures, vocal tone and emphasis on words… of course I am always listening to how they articulate as well. Also, if we are going to discuss gifts, do you have the odd gift of understanding foreigners strong accents? I do not know why it is easy for me to understand difficult accents as well. (I am not perfect at it but communication isn’t a problem) ๐Ÿ™‚

          1. When watching a movie last night, I read the credits. I rewatched the Dressmaker and thought what a great job Kate Winslet did with her voice coach to get the aussie accent down pat considering that in the movie she had travelled to Milan etc. From the time I was a small child I have been repetitively asked what my accent is. I have been mostly referred to as English as in the U.K. Occasionally referred to as Kiwi. Do you see my point?

            An actor can master an accent, so can anyone with practice. That may come easy for some and more difficult for others. I can’t say that I don’t have difficulty with some accents, Asian dialects somewhat. I feel that empaths have an added advantage of feeling words and feeling them deeply so they entrench into the empath, imprinted. Medical science has much to learn about such areas. Yes, I see whole books attributed to the Mr X’s as I am sure you do also. There are registries. In due course I am of the belief there will be many more. When an empath is targeted by a narcissist/sociopath/psychopath they feel it ๐Ÿ™‚

  34. Dan says:

    Yes he has a voice that should be sprinkled around like fairy dust. Thrown into every corner and collected back up like bits of gold. In fact, my cock finds a mild arousal as the honey drips from his fangs. Can you focus or not?

  35. Dan says:

    People do worry about being a narc. Would you answer the truthfully if we asked, and what forum to do so? Email?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes I would, the fact is though that if you wonder whether you are, you aren’t likely to be one. It is more likely to be those who claim they aren’t one, that are.

      1. Yolo says:

        Confirmed.

  36. Sail Away says:

    Damn you Narcissists. Always sounding so sexy.

  37. Ptsdafternsrcabuse says:

    That voice! I’m in loveโค๏ธ

  38. Matilda says:

    Fantastic interview, very informative!

    What stood out was how you talked about death, HG – the death of a former ‘appliance’ merely in the context of fuel provision. How far removed you are from any *authentic human experience*…

    Have you ever been given books to read, in addition to your therapy sessions? I would recommend Victor Frankl’s ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ for a start, if you have not read it by now. You might find it a valuable lesson in humanity.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Matilda, I am pleased you found it informative, Jamie picked some excellent questions.

      No I have not been given any books to read for the simple reason that writing was deemed to be of greater benefit to me, but I shall consider your recommendation thank you, it may provide me with some further tools for the kit.

  39. Snow White says:

    Fabulous interview.
    I always learn something new.

    My ex did like to play the victim quite a bit. I was at the gym one day and she told me she had said goodbye to her girlfriend, packed her bag with some pills and she was ending everything that night. I had never been in this situation before and it frightened me. I left, went home, and returned to the gym. I sat in her car for six hours talking and crying. I remember thinking to myself that day why isn’t her girlfriend here and worried. Why isn’t anybody calling her. She even went to the store in the middle of the day to buy me a gift. She had no intentions that day other than to control me and bind me tighter to her. Lots of people warned me that day to stay away but it didn’t matter. I wanted to help her. She sucked me in. She HAD me that day.

    Anyways HG, I wanted to tell you that I will take your advice about contacting someone else if/when she contacts me with a plea of any kind. I can see her doing that and now you have prepared me.

    And sorry to hear about Kim. I thought there was going to be a happy ending this time.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you SW, yes the suicide power play will be used by our kind and of course, you being you, you will respond to it because of your empathic nature and the fear of what might happen if you did not. The advice is suggested allows you to protect yourself whilst avoiding any sense of guilt in the very rare event where the threatened act was carried out. I have never threatened it, I regard it as an exhibition of weakness to threaten it and not carry it out.

      1. I’ve heard the suicide play so many times and I have even called the police in fear that he would do it. Recently, though, he let me know that if he did decide to go through with it he would make me watch him blow his head off so that I will be stuck with the pain forever. I do suspect if he did in fact do this that he isn’t going to make me watch.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Why don’t you fire a warning shot for him? Into his head.

          1. That is hard to comment on, that would destroy me… I couldn’t do that unless I am staring down the barrel of a gun, him or me… No DM reference intended.

      2. Starr says:

        My ex just told me today he had never met anyone who made him want to kill himself until I came along .

  40. Seduced says:

    awww what a nice goodnight โค

  41. Sisha says:

    Is it your real voice? I am just listening and I like it <3

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Yes it is Sisha and thank you.

      1. Lavender says:

        And here I thought you disguised your voice. It’s quite lovely btw.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you Lavender.

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