Goodbye or Au Revoir?

goodbye-or-au-revoir

“Dear Victim,

 

Well, wasn’t that the roller coaster ride? Don’t look so miserable at least you are getting a letter. The last four never got anything at this stage, I just disappeared and the first they knew that I was no longer interested in them was when they saw me parading my new acquisition. Still, they brought it on themselves or at least that is what I keep telling myself because after all, nothing is my fault is it? So, here is your letter. Yes, this is a Dear John letter, a missive designed to tell you that our entanglement is now at an end (for now – more on that later) and that I am now romantically involved with somebody else. Just as an aside, did you know that they originated from letters sent to soldiers by their unfaithful wives. Yes, brave Johnny was out there fighting the good fight whilst his Mrs was shacked up with Johnny-Come-Lately and she decided that rather than wait for Johnny to come home from the front she would choose Johnny Come Lately who was stationed in her home town. Seems our kind did not even suspend operations because of World War Two. Anyway, I digress. Yes, this letter is to tell you that you and I are no more. The simple reason is you are no use to me anymore. I know it seems damned unfair but my needs are all that matter you see. You gave it a good shot; I will give you that I suppose. You lasted longer than the one before, whatever her name was. Something to be proud of isn’t it, there haven’t been many who have held on to me as long as you have. I know in between the tears and the confusion when you read this letter you will be wondering why on earth have I done this after everything that you have done for me. You see, it is exactly that kind of selfish thinking that put a hex on you and me. If you had spent more time thinking about me and my needs, then we wouldn’t be in this position. Well, actually, we probably would because so far no matter what anybody has managed to do, I have always found them to be lacking eventually and had my head turned by somebody else. It always seems to happen and it cannot be my fault can it? I don’t do anything wrong. I mean I chased you, made you feel special and did all the tickling, hair-twirling and sweet nothings, you got a good time, come on you have to admit it. Oh I know things went sour afterwards but I have already written to you about that, do you have to go on about it? There you go again. Me, me, me. Never a thought for how I might feel. Have you any idea what it is like needing to rely on someone else to validate your existence? Oh you do. Well, that makes it worse actually, if you do know, why didn’t you do something about it? Anyway, I don’t have time to go into all that now. I daresay you are wondering why I have chosen someone now rather than try and work things out with you or at the very least agree to an amicable split before looking for a new victim. Well, it is a fair question I suppose. I have had the new person lined up for a while. You just weren’t doing it for me anymore and I had to make sure my needs were met so whilst you waited for me to come home, dinner in the oven, or dealt with the children again on your own as I was away on a “business trip” I was busy choosing her and seducing her. She is a right cracker, going to give me lots of emotional attention, better than you ever did. Oh don’t start with the tears, no actually carry on, that makes me feel better when you cry. I could list all the things that she is and which you are not, but I cannot be bothered to do it now, I am too excited about spending time with my new toy, er I mean partner. Don’t worry though, I will triangulate you with her at some point so you can find out all about why I chose her and we may as well have a little competition where I pit you and her against one another and I sit back and choose a winner. That’s what you get to do when you are as brilliant as me, so we can save the analysis about her for another time.

I’ve left you with a load of debt. Nothing to do with me as everything is in your name, but I suppose it will give you something to concentrate on alongside wondering what has just happened. I am going to take a few household items too, they are mine after all and I need to make sure my new home has everything. I imagine you will muddle through somehow, not that I care of course, but I might pretend to care if you give me the reaction I am after. I daresay you think I am cold-hearted and callous bastard but you have to understand this is your fault and not mine. If you had just tried harder to please me and keep me happy then I would not have had to look elsewhere. You made me have this affair because you are selfish and do not think about me. It is no point digging out that ridiculous list you have kept of everything that you have supposedly done for me, I know for a fact it is made up, but then you are something of a fantasist after all, at least that is what I have been telling all our friends and families, plus the neighbours, oh and your boss and the chap at the corner shop. Well, I am not having you spreading lies about me by saying I have gone off with some young bit of stuff leaving you in a half-empty house, with no income, a load of debt and the kids to look after. That would make me look bad and I have a reputation to maintain. Don’t even think about telling tales. Nobody will believe you. I have made sure of that and I will see the kids when I can be bothered, but when I do decide to bother my backside you had better not start playing silly buggers or I will have you in court and the judge and everyone else will know about your drink and drug problems. It is no good pretending you don’t have them, I know you do, or at least, I will make it seem like you do.

Well, I think that is everything. I have left a few bits and bobs in case I want to come back and torment you by haggling over a toaster and that collection of coloured vinyl records. Don’t think about calling me or hassling me, people already think you are a nut job. So, this is it. As I mentioned, at least I am telling you it is over, so you know. See, I am considerate after all. I would say good bye, but is more like au revoir, but when I say so.

Thanks for nothing

N. Arc x”

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56 thoughts on “Goodbye or Au Revoir?”

  1. This hurt to read . The pain is fresh today and the heartbreak still remains . Major trigger . Just because someone gets comfy and the infatuation has died down a little doesn’t mean they don’t still love you .

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  2. I am wondering if people in your inner circle have an idea of what’s going on even if they do not know the clinical terms. Your relationships are short, and they all end in the same manner. You have amassed ‘crazy exes’ for decades now. Surely, no one can be such an unlucky fellow…

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    1. Well my family clearly know as they forced me into treatment. My inner circle friends are loyalty to me and not all of my exes have been branded as crazy, there are several ways to smear a discarded appliance. What do you mean ‘decades’ by the way, you cheeky scamp!!

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      1. Because you have written about your relationships through University, at least 6-7 girlfriends (alias name dropping) in adult life that averaged 6 months to year 1/2, squeeze in a marriage and divorce that tied up 3 years, plus many more remaining nameless, then a little over 2 years in therapy.
        Not to mention, you are “seasoned” with your political and pop culture references that would be a different perspective than say a 30 year old.
        Ha! Closing in on those decades!

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      2. OMG MLA I couldn’t say it better! 😂I was wondering the same thing recently. … The more He has discarded the more is then to hoover back, isn’t it dear G? but the age…. hmmm the age DOESN’T matter … oh it does not matter in this case at all 😉

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      3. Maybe Mr. Tudor was like Doogie Howser and started university at 12. Also, he may be a fan of the various decades of pop culture. 😉
        Lol I learned English by watching MTV as a young child in the late 80s. So I’m well versed in the 70s and 80s music culture.

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  3. ah, I see…

    I observe, HG, I observe and analyse 🙂 … in my mind, you are Heathcliff, tall, dark hair, blue eyes, early 40ies… angry with the world, and more importantly, with himself…

    BTW, I listened to part 2 of the Out Of The Box interview, and it really moved me that you are starting to open up with regard to your painful past… there is hope for you, after all 🙂

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    1. I agree with Matilda on the segment of Out of The Box where you were able to openly speak about your upbringing with MatriNarc and the affect that had on Little HG.
      You showed vulnerability both in describing your experience and the softening of your tone. And before you cringe, it was so, so brave and a beautiful thing to see you slowly give power back to Little HG in having a voice. Huge, monumental step, and I hope the good doctors have heard it too.

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    2. OK, I missed something. HG, did you share you have blue eyes as everyone has jumped on that detail. I need to medicate my ADHD a little more, I think, as i missed this. I know you shared you were bald with MLA back a few months, though I am skeptical….could be a detail to throw us off your trail. LOL

      Yes, Matilda, I see Healthcliff a bit too. It does seem to fit him….especially that old black and white version, brooding and dark. Early 40’s? Could be, though I am wagering closer to 47. 😛

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      1. If you are 47 Mr. Tudor, I’m extremely turned on. Nothing like the suave sophistication of an older man. You get better and better as I read on.

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      2. I would think, to get to the Greater stage of Narcissism, you would’ve had to experience a great deal of life. Experiences with different Narcs throughout my life, from birth, have made me much more of a Super Empath, than I was in my earlier years. I was very much Co-dependent early on, then I became an Empath, which ultimately led me to being a Super Empath. My Narcs have basically followed suit. Early on in my life, they were Lessers. As I reached my mid thirties, they were more mid-range. I escaped all of them. However, since my late forties, to just 9 months ago (now 52), I was discarded by the Greater. And he knew more about being the perfect, emotionally abusive, Narcissist than any of the rest. With that said, I’m going to say, Mr. HG Tudor is in his mid forties to early 50’s. I’ll shoot for 48 🙂

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      3. Heathcliff sprang to mind for two reasons. Firstly, he is an orphan who never experienced motherly love, and becomes infatuated, possessively so, with Catherine viewing her as his soul mate, his saviour, the only one. Secondly, in his attempt to quell his despair over losing Catherine (she married someone else), he decides to take it out on the innocent. He marries the sister of Catherine’s husband, treating her horribly, in his blind fury never giving himself the chance to be loved as he was too busy hurting all around him. Eventually, they have a child together but the boy is not growing up in his sphere (she escaped prior to giving birth). After the death of his mother, he is sent to Wuthering Heights which is in Heathcliff’s possession by then (if I remember correctly). He loathes his son, probably because the boy is rather poorly most of the time, and Heathcliff cannot endure the thought that they share the same blood. He sees himself as powerful, superior, invincible, and wants no association with anyone who contradicts that image of himself! The boy dies eventually.

        “Nelly, I am Heathcliff” sounds so romantic when you are a young, innocent one reading this story for the first time, doesn’t it? To be one with another, body and soul, beyond the grave, for all eternity. Sounds so noble, doesn’t it? Well, we do know better now, I dare say. Heathcliff actually is a narcissist, a Lesser one because he does not know what he is and he does not hesitate to use physical violence to get his way. And where does all of this get him? NOWHERE. I feel for Heathcliff as I can see his wounds, but I utterly despise him for taking it out on the innocent. But then again, I have always been more of a Rochester kind of girl. Dear Edward is not without his problems (gosh, all the mind games going on), but he does not let someone else pay for the injustices he had to endure, that’s the difference! That is why he is redeemed by love in the end. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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      4. it is an excellent comparison, indeed.
        It has been since high school since I read the book though I recall the film differences and loved the black and white film over the more modern version. It captured the feeling of utter despair, depression, seeking and hunger.

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      5. Even better. I will be the older woman and teach you everything there is to know. You can adore and worship me.

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      6. Indy, the only thing old about you is your soul. Your essence is beautiful.
        I would be 13 years older than Young Mr. Tudor, if he’s 22. And I would be 12 years younger, if he’s 47. Either way, I’m game. We can play daddy or Mrs. Robinson.

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  4. Good evening HG.
    I got a goodbye letter 6 months into our friendship. My ex was getting a promotion and changing locations. Only a half hour away. She tried to make me jealous from the beginning but then she started trying to come up with new people for me to be friends with. It drove me crazy. She said I needed new people and was making a list for me. After a couple weeks of this constant behavior I found a note in my gym locker. She had written me a letter saying goodbye and wishing me well. She had written twenty names of people and numbers for me. I was completely distraught and left crying, walking right past her without saying one word to anyone. I put the note on her windshield.
    I’m sure she loved how upset I was and the scene I caused in the gym. Everyone saw it.
    What do you think this was about HG?
    Was she worried that she was going to lose me as her fuel source when she left? I of course assured her that I would still see her. We were used to seeing each other every day.
    Was she just trying to bind me closer to her? To get me to come see her?
    This led up to her confessing that she was in love with me. I didn’t believe it. I thought she was confusing friendship with love and I tried to explain it to her. She said things were awkward now and wouldn’t be the same.
    Her behavior was erratic til her last day there and then it turned into a silent treatment for a week.
    And then I followed her to her new location and found myself getting in deeper. She was consuming more of my life.
    It was a crazy couple of months and it started with a letter.
    As I’m writing this I see how powerful the letter was.

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    1. Hello SW. Her actions in doing this note and list were as follows:-
      1. A clear attempt to gain fuel which worked as it upset you;
      2. An attempt, in her mind, to show she was being pleasant, fair and caring about you by ensuring you had new networks of friends;
      3. Control and failing to recognise boundaries by organising your social life for you.
      4. Most likely an attempt to embed Lieutenants in your social network so that she could continue to control you and gain information about what you were doing. This would provide her with fuel as she received these reports and it would also allow her to hoover you more effectively (and cause them to happen more often as these reports would act as Hoover Triggers and the Hoover Execution Criteria would be easily met through her knowing fuel was to hand and that there was an easy route by which to contact you.)

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      1. Thanks HG!
        At the time it was crazy, confusing, painful, and a draining ordeal. I never understood it and it was still something I wanted to understand.
        That for explaining that from your perspective. I appreciate all the answers.

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  5. MLA He is ageless and he is the best looking man who has ever walked into you life.

    Did I describe you well enough HG? Because this is who you are to me and I like it.

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    1. I cannot say if HG is the best looking man who has walked into my life as I have not seen him. I can say emphatically that he has a helluva voice!!
      Father Time creeps on all of us. Including the elusive HG.

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      1. Yes it does, but with age comes wisdom. Not for all, but for someone like HG, is comes in spades. Wisdom is beautiful.
        No matter the physical, I do believe he is a beautiful creature. Although I suppose he would prefer handsome.
        Beautiful is one of my favorite words.

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      2. But I think you are beautiful. Can you please let me have this one thing? Remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

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      3. In my shoes, just to see
        What it’s like, to be me
        I’ll be you, let’s trade shoes
        Just to see what it’d be like to
        Feel your pain, you feel mine
        Go inside each other’s minds
        Just to see what we find
        Look at shit through each other’s eyes
        But don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful, oh
        They can all get fucked.
        Just stay true to you
        So don’t let ’em say you ain’t beautiful
        Oh, they can all get fucked.
        Just stay true to you, yeah, so.

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      4. Totally? But there’s always room for improvement…Maybe I should change it to kinda incredible. haha

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      1. Perfect! It’s so rare to find a 47 yr old with jet black evil hair. And, you cut the power too….awwwww….you know I like to be scared! How……sweet…***gets ready to duck with a michevious grin***

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      2. Did you find the different races equally distributed in the empathic types? Any correlation between race and fuel level?

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      3. My experience viz a viz race and level of empathy is purely anecdotal. I did find the handful of Latin women I engaged with to all froth with fuel but the number I have engaged with is fewer than the number of white women I have engaged with.

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      4. Thank you Mr. Tudor. I suspected that would be the case. Certain ethnicities tend to be much more expressive about their emotions. They burn hotter, blowing a gasket much quicker.

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  6. You really do not have a preference, do you HG? Equal Opportunity to have a shot at the Narc.

    I do.
    People of color (black) have a different texture and oil to the skin which gives them a different scent. I am not attracted to this at all.

    Asian descent, most times, have smooth skin and very little hair. This is one of the ethnic groups, mainly Japanese, I am attracted.

    I do not care for Latino men. I do not care for men from the Middle East, but did date one when I was in my early 20’s. He wanted to kill me and tried with his attack dog, had to lock myself in the bathroom. I seem to bring this out in men. 😉

    I do have a preference of eye color and hair color, but I can say I have had them all. I do prefer Caucasian. White boys.
    One thing for sure. I like a well-manicured man. The less body hair, the better.

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