The Narcissistic Truths – No. 42

i-control-through-compartmentalisation

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31 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 42”

  1. OMG. Just last week my boss said to me: I dont know how you are able to do and say all that you do alienating people yet still commanding respect and moving forward seemingly unaffected. Its like you are able to to ……
    She seemed at a loss so I offered: compartmentalise? And she got very animated and said: Yes! Yes! Thats it! You compartmentalise like no one I have ever seen.
    I was puzzled at her surprise and her indication that this was not a normal or desirable trait. But then of course I think shes a lousy boss.

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    1. Hello Creeper,
      The Lesser school of narcissism has no insight and no awareness of what they are.
      The Mid-Range school of narcissism has no insight and no awareness of what they are.
      The Greater school of narcissism has insight and awareness of what they are, but very rarely admit it.

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      1. HG you have taught us well of the various reactions and responses from each of these cadres upon being told by others that they are Narcissists.
        You have even relayed to us your own story of your prior friend / girlfriends comments regarding her own diagnosis of yourself many moons ago.
        Taking into consideration that a greater has not only the further needed insight but the ability to take it all on, how do you believe most other greaters come by this further insight into exactly who and what they are as well. Say for example, If they are never told when younger like yourself, do you believe they can and will always come to that conclusion on their own or how would you describe this awakening for them, for me and the others please… and thank-you.

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      2. The Greater has the awareness of being different and special. What is required is the ‘key moment’ when somebody shows him or her what he or she is. With such intelligence and awareness, the Greater will recognise what is being described and gain further insight into what he or she is. Of course, they will not admit it to the one who has enlightened them (or will do so rarely) as this cedes control and power. I do not think they will come to the recognition themselves, there has to be a catalyst to add to the foundation of intelligence and awareness, to move it to the next level.

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  2. I was recently the target from an ex with all the personalities traits you have highlighted, I had an idea that I was dealing with a very unwell person but reading your blogs and listening to YouTube interviews was a revelation.

    On one interview you mentioned you do one on one consultations, I presume this could be done via FaceTime? Can you please let me know what your fee is for this and also what availability you have, I am based in Ireland and I believe you are in the U.K.?

    Many thanks for the clarity you have provided me with your writing and I look forward to hearing from you in respect to a one on one call.

    Kind regards Emma

    Sent from my iPhone

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  3. HG would this be close to what I call a photographic memory or more like unlimited filing cabinets and you know just what file to pull at just what time. Now that this is written out it sounds more the same.
    Just depending on how one uses this depends on their perspective.

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    1. No it is more about keeping people in certain compartments of my life so I can control them better, now allowing some people to ‘bleed’ into other areas. The dirty little secret is a prime example.

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  4. Thank you HG I understand now. You are a very fascinating man. At times it’s hard to wrap my mind around the fact you are what you claim. Your honesty here and your work thou keeps things in perspective.
    Yet you do make it hard to juggle work and keep up on my addiction to your books and blog.

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  5. Therapists learn this skill too. It’s for our emotional protection. We do this internally, the inner wall that keeps us from getting lost in each painful emotion shared with us. We feel the pain but not lost in it. it also helps us go from session to session and then to our own lives without losing our minds. We don’t forget, it’s just removed from us that allows us to not emotionally crash. Of course we use other tools too, such as self care and talking with clinical supervisors to build a store of empathy. Sometimes to bleed out the intense pains shared. That’s why a good heralds often as their own therapist. Everyone can learn this skill, internally, it’s basically boundaries. Narcicists tend to use and abuse boundaries, cross them and create them. She ch as in this case that HG refers with relationships being kept separate. Like that Seinfeld character played by Jason Alexander. He doesn’t like his worlds to cross paths.

    HG, I think you do this with your emotions too in addition to your relationships . You have compartmentized them, though some rooms you never visit or haven’t since childhood. This skill can be used to protect ourselves….but not always in a healthy manner.

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  6. Does a person with this kind of memory threaten you? Or a challenge?
    From all I have gathered I would see this would be a challenge, to change their memories would re enforce your superiority.
    For a lessor it would be a threat.
    Not sure with a mid.

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    1. Someone with a photographic memory? At first we would consider it a boon to have someone with this but once devaluation occurs it would be used against you and we would of course deny any attempt by you to rely on this memory against us.

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  7. Do you think that this comes about because of the cognitive distortion of black and white thinking? Do you compartmentalize just with people? Do you think daily, for example, this situation goes here and this problem here and this work thing is there? Is it not consciously but automatically for you?

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    1. Interesting point FTW, I have found that it is chiefly applied to people but also with situations also. I think it does manifest from the split thinking and of course caters to our notion of omnipotence and control.

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      1. I did the same. Still have tendencies to do it. Good category or bad category. I was afraid when I broke construct all compartments would break loose and run together. Dr. Explained it like hub of wheel is main hidden creature then spokes off that are compartments, start taking out spokes to get to root cause. When I was in it I described it as paint in different parts of pallet then it seems like they were getting run together and I couldn’t stop them. It made me feel anxious to release the compartments. But I did it. I had to learn that they can be mixed as much or little as you decide. Does that seem an apt description? Do you feel the same?

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  8. HG I dont always get the entire thread at once, can make things interesting in understanding things.
    Yet you mention that there is a moment when you have an ‘ah ha’ into what you are, until this time you have no idea even thou fully aware your special and not like others.
    This made me remember a conversation of his ‘ah ha’ moment yet also of a relative of his telling me about the same time yet they still had no idea only that he changed from that moment.
    Would this be done for a reaction or to see just how long it would take to put things together?
    Is it out of bordom hints are made?

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  9. No why do you give hints?
    Is it out of boredom and want to start the devaluation? Or to see just how long it takes for one to realize what is going on?

    For me I knew he was different he moved and talk to close to what I grew up with, I never had a title to call what he was. This was a comfort for me, I could move freely very much an attraction. I believe this may have been why the relationship was so good for so long, I would ask him if need me to poke that bear, if so he got exactly what he needed in the quantity he needed. We were together everyday, except for two times, at that point we went two months not saying a word to each other. Together it was hot apart it was freezing so to say.
    I do wonder at times if he was being as honest as he felt he could be with me, yet maintaining the control.
    Could you answer that to?

    I am sorry for rambling. My mind is racing and this is the only place for me to turn.

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