This Time It Will Work

this-time-it-will-work

When you first come into my sights, when you appear between those crosshairs and I sense your empathic qualities, your adherence to the traits which make you so attractive to me, I am filled with optimism. I have spoken on many occasions about my need to extract fuel on a daily basis. This ritual necessitates the acquisition of someone who will be my primary source and then a whole host of secondary and tertiary sources who are drawn from friends, family, strangers, colleagues and so forth. It is a ceaseless task but one which I am built for, one I have been designed for and one which I will always apply myself to. I prefer to conserve my energies and that is why I live in hope that this time the person that I have targeted will be the one who will not let me down. On this occasion I have found the person who will be my primary source so that I never have to embark on the devaluation of this person because they have failed in their obligation to provide me with fuel. Many people may regard me as prejudicial person and it is true that I pre-judge people, but only ever do so on the basis of satisfactory evidence. I look for the necessary traits in how you interact with others, the things that you say and what you do. I watch carefully before I make my move. When I see the very things which I cherish and require for the purposes of gathering fuel, I experience an elation. There is excitement and anticipation. Mostly it is because of the fuel which I hope to gather from you, that delicious and golden fuel which super charges me, invigorates me and provides me with the power to sail through life charming and attracting. However, my excitement is not all based on the anticipation of tasting your fuel. No, a significant part of my anticipation is borne out of the fact that you might just be the one. You could be that person who does not let me down. You could be the one who finally provides me with such sweet fuel that I never have to go elsewhere for a primary supply. I cannot give up my supplementary sources as they are a reserve and a contingency for when I am not able to draw my main fuel from you as my primary source. This is not because I have cast you aside or because you have committed that treacherous act of escaping me and instigating no contact. Not at all. The reserve is required because owing to various factors I cannot be by your side every hour of day or in some form of contact with you to this extent. This means that much as I delight in your sweet, sweet fuel, I am forced to obtain it elsewhere and this is from those supplementary sources. It is you however that I still look to for the best fuel. You who I look to in order to provide me with the most fuel and to do so with comforting regularity. I want this fuel from just one primary source. You seem to think that I revel in the abuse that I dole out when I devalue my primary source victim, but I do not. It may look that way, a side effect of the power that courses through me as I drink deep of that negative fuel but in truth I would much rather never have to go down that route. I would prefer that you continue to pump out that positive fuel to such an extent that it always remains satisfactory for me. I want you to be the one that is always there, reliable, dependable and magnificent in the production of your fuel. You would benefit too. There would be no awful abuse as devaluation takes place. There would be no mystifying discard (mystifying to you at least – it makes perfect sense to me) and then I would not even have to go to the trouble of applying various types of hoover in order to bring you back to me. Imagine avoiding all of that and remaining in the glorious golden period of seduction the whole time? I know how much you love that. I have seen it in your eyes, I have seen you speak of it and of course I have seen how hard you have fought at times to recover it. You adore and worship the golden period and you can have that. You can have that all the time. All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? You once did it. You provided it brilliantly but then you let me down by not providing the quality I was used to. You diminished the frequency and became unreliable, thus hurting me and that could not be countenanced. You had to be hurt in return. There was no hope for any other way. Imagine being able to avoid bringing all that horror on yourself as you keep doing what is necessary. You keep giving me my fuel at the prescribed level and in return you get to stay in the golden period forever. This is what I hope for too and you think that I am selfish. Not at all. We both win. You have the golden period and I have the golden fuel. This is what I hope for each time a new target presents itself and I begin my work to consider moving to the seduction of this target. I am filled with hope, I am filled with optimism that this time, just for once, you will keep on doing what I need and you will not let me down. No matter how many times this has happened in the past. No matter how many times I have been betrayed and hurt by the treasonable conduct of those who said, so many times, that they loved me and they always would, I have always continued to believe in the power and capacity that the next target may just be the one. I am not a bad person for believing in that way am I? I just want to find the right one for me. Just like you do.

You want to find the person that you will love for the rest of your life, I want to find the person whose fuel I will love for the rest of my life. Surely you can understand and appreciate that? Surely you must accept that such a notion is noble? Surely you understand why I always think that you might be the one. This time.

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39 thoughts on “This Time It Will Work”

  1. Him: It will work this time my dear. You know the real me and You don’t hate me.
    Her: how can I trust You after what I went through?
    Him: You can’t straight away but even if it will take me years I’ll prove to You that I will have no need to hurt You because I want this to work this one last time…

    THIS COULD work but it won’t ever as written above in Your post 💔😢

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  2. This time it’s going to work. He’s not like the other boys. But I’m still me, so this time it’s going to work becomes WELL HE’S ANOTHER USELESS MAN, THIS IS SO NOT WORKING

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    1. Cara, lol @ another useless man. I’ve had that sentiment in each of my relationships. I too get disappointed even though I’m on the other side of the fence from you.

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  3. I am not sure if I am dealing with a narcissist or not?
    I definitely felt all the stages like the devaluation, hoovering ,gaslighting .. but he would always make excuses like he was too busy to see me . You say that narcissists want to be around you all the time and consume you almost.
    Is it because I want to be around him all the time that he is almost controlling it so I can’t get what I want ?which is ultimately a loving healthy relationship 🙂

    I hope this makes sense because I feel a bit crazy .
    Thanks

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    1. Hello Natalie, the being around you a lot depends on whether you are in the seduction stage and also whether you are being seduced to be a primary source. That is when the love-bombing and repeated presence of the narcissist occurs. When he said he was too busy to see you, that probably took place during the devaluation stage and is done to exert control over you, draw fuel from your reaction and create space for him to seduce your replacement.

      Yes you will feel crazy. You are not.

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  4. For any relationship to work, there has to be a solid foundation of mutual trust and respect, honesty, shared values and goals, and basic rules of conduct both agree upon and are committed to. These basics are paramount, and not negotiable. I repeat that because your kind need to hear it more than once: not negotiable. Not then, not now, not ever. Get over it! 🙂

    It is only natural that we like to know, and feel, that we are valued in a relationship. Empaths also need this constant flow of affection and affirmation albeit in lesser frequency and much smaller doses than narcs. And it does not have to be verbal. That is something that astonishes me: they prefer to hear it, as if they cannot believe it otherwise. Small gestures such as placing a Post-it note in his packed lunch, restocking the fridge with his favourite beverage, or massaging his shoulders after a long day seem to fall short in comparison with direct praise.

    Also, most people can happily go about their day, feeling safe in the knowledge that they are loved by their significant other. She would look at a photograph of him placed on her office desk and a wave of warm, fuzzy feelings would sweep over her. Or she would touch a pendant, a gift from him, and relish the memory, smiling to herself and happy. In former, people used to wear pendants you could open and fill with a photograph or a lock of hair. Or with a few drops of blood, proper Tudor style!

    Fuel comes in different forms, and just because it is not verbal does not mean it is less powerful. To us, these little acts mean just as much as words, if not more. 🙂

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    1. Ultimately, a relationship is a battle ground.
      The rules you describe in the beginning…that’s nice in theory and in Cinderella. Like it, but think it’s a pleasant illusion.

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  5. Good god this post helps me understand what’s going on in their minds. Finally. The psych literature can only help so much with its clinical jargon and outsider perspective. But this first person account of what’s going on inside in their heads about the whole dynamic was like a lightening bolt injection of true understanding for me. Thank you.

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  6. “All I ask of you is to keep providing me with that fuel at the potency and level that is appropriate and demanded. It cannot be too difficult for you can it? ”
    It’s not ” difficult at all HG . It’s IMPOSSIBLE !

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      1. What if you had two IPs that accepted sharing you? Would that help keep the fuel potency up because you could switch between them and triangulate when necessary?

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      2. There would certainly be advantages to that although the fact that they would consent to the other being involved would of course remove some of the sense of power associated with being able to do as I please. Of course the shifting between two different forms of positive fuel would be advantageous and the energy expenditure would be lessened. Now, where do I find these two willing IPs?

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      3. Ok so let’s make them pretend they are consenting, but you can see through it to their jealousy. 😼 I’ve actually done this lol. It was working nicely until she started trying to get rid of me and I had to make sure she went instead. That wasn’t an offer, though. I still want to be the dirty little secret.

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      4. Punisher, we have enough cat fights and hair pulling over Mr. Tudor on this forum… And as far as I know, none of us have even met him in person. 2 women with the same status of primary IP??? That goes against our biology. We need ranks and hierarchy. It doesn’t work in the animal world and it cannot work for us. There can only be 1 queen.

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      5. Haha, no worries Love! I don’t wish to be HG’s IP. I have done this with my ex and it only goes to show the power of the greater. Neither of us actually wanted to, but we were both willing participants. And share we did.

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      6. Wow, that must have been torture Punisher. I read how you got rid of her for conspiring against you. Good for you!! Proves you’re the alpha 😉

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      7. Love, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad for me as it was for her. She was being devalued/discarded and I was being seduced. He had tried to replace her with me prior to this and I declined. I wanted him to stay with her and see me on the side. Triangulating us was how he reeled me in and made primary. He knew she would start shit with me as well as he knew I would step back and let her sabotage herself. I don’t necessarily consider it a win lol.

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    1. stop devaluation. don’t play games on your IP. say clearly that u need more fuel. be honest. ONLY then it can work…what do You think about that dear G.?

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  7. Would it ever be possible for a primary IP fuel source to satisfy the narcissist (with say honest communication of a want that would satisfy the need for fuel – multiple partners, allowance of secrecy, etc), or will they always inevitably fail?

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    1. Hello Discarded, do you mean if you are the primary IP and you tell the narcissist that he or she can have multiple partners, can have their secrets and the IP would not mind? If so, this would be unusual of course because those allowances fly in the face of the traits of an empath – honesty, decency truth, fidelity etc, but let us assume there is an empath willing to along with that and is also willing to articulate that to the narcissist. This would certainly fulfil a lot of the fuel demand – the IP provides positive fuel and the narcissist is able to gather fuel from IP secondary sources etc. The issue that would arise is if the primary source will not respond in a negative manner to the machinations as they ordinarily would during devaluation. The narcissist is no longer interested in the primary source’s positive fuel (it has become jaded), he can freely draw positive fuel from other secondary sources (in the usual way) but if there is no negative fuel being obtained from the primary source this will pose a problem and therefore be likely to lead to discard.

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      1. Hi HG. Thank you for your reply. Yes I mean if the primary IP would allow for these acts. Not that the IP wouldn’t mind, but that there would be a mutual understanding of needs. You say even in those circumstances though, devaluation will still take place. Does this always occur? I guess what I was getting at with the original question is would there ever be a scenario where a primary IP would be able to provide enough positive fuel to satisfy the narcissist, or will they always eventually require negative fuel from the primary source? Also, once discard has taken place, will the discarded person only ever be a source for hoover fuel for narcissist, or is there a scenario where they may be seen by the narc as worthy of a second try at becoming the primary IP? I’m curious as during devaluation my narc told me until he was married I would always have the chance to prove myself. Of course, at the time not knowing what he was, and with him never telling me what he wanted or needed from me, I made egregious errors, mostly asking questions, trying to understand, trying to give him what he wanted. Now I know.

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  8. Hello HG!
    I was in the abouve scenario and although she was going to be content and maybe challenged at first, I don’t believe it would have been too long before new games began. She was going to try and make each other jealous of the other. That would have made her feel very powerful because we liked each other and aren’t jealous people. And in a short amount of time there would have been another secondary source brought in for triangulation. You made me see that she is always going to look for someone else.
    The bar for you is set so high HG. Do you go over what has to be present for your new IP’s with the doctors? Do they think you can come down a few notches in your ultimate fuel goal?
    I missed you and the blog while I was shopping.

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    1. Yes I do discuss the traits that the new IPPS needs in order to satisfy my need for fuel. They think that management of my demands, coupled with looking at self-fuelling, a steady transition, is a route forward but before that is done, it is necessary to address why the fuel is needed in the first place.
      Did you buy me anything good when you went shopping?

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      1. Of course I did. A shiny new appliance is in the mail. It does everything that you could imagine and I’m hoping it’s the one you have always been looking for and won’t let you down.

        I can imagine looking into your need for fuel is going to be ongoing for awhile. Do the doctors know about everything that you are writing about in The Creature?
        Does the self fueling start with your morning routine?

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      2. Why thank you SW.

        They do not know about everything I am writing in that regard but a significant proportion of the material has arisen from my discussions with them.
        The self-fuelling is being discussed as a concept first as opposed to when it would be applied.

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