My kind regard you as objects. We consider you as appliances which are there to serve one function; to obey us. The world must revolve around me. I am the centre of the universe. I must have this as a constant. By ensuring that the world revolves around me, I receive the fuel which enables me to exist. I am able to exert the control which ensures the fuel flows. I receive the traits and additional benefits which I deem necessary and to which I regard myself as entitled. In order for these things to happen and in order for them to continue I require total obedience. If I wish to boil some water, I place it in a kettle. I press the switch and the kettle performs its function until the water has boiled and then switches off. If I want more boiling water at a later time, I repeat the process. The kettle will always function for me. I press the button. It responds. It boils the water. It does exactly what I want. It does not challenge me. It does not refuse to boil the water. It does not begin to boil the water and then part way through stops and switches off. It does not make the water colder. It does not turn the water brown. It functions. Of course, over time, the kettle may develop a fault. It no longer functions as I want. It is a simple matter. I either repair the kettle or more likely discard it and replace it with a newer, shinier model which functions as I require and demand.
Your role is to function for me. You are to provide me with fuel. You are to do things for me. I expect that this should happen when I demand, at my say so, without hesitation, objection or in part performance. I require optimum performance and response. I must dehumanise you and reduce you to the status of an object in order for this to happen. I must also objectify you because in my world, nothing exists outside of it but me.
There is a type of empath that, to put it simply, feels in tune with the world and its energy. The empath is, if you will, plugged in to the world and therefore feels shifts in energy, both good and bad. They are especially attuned to everything around them and therefore they “feel” on a higher level. I of course do not equate to this as I am no empath, but this is what has been described to me. It has also been remarked to me that my kind and your kind are at opposite ends of the same spectrum. I see the force in such a proposition. Whereas there are those that feel attuned to their environment and that they are part of that environment, I, on the other hand, regard the environment as part of me. I must shape the environment, control it, dominate. It must be subjugated to my needs. That is why I am obsessed with the notion of control. This is why each and every situation I find myself in must comply with what I require. You are also part of the environment and it follows therefore that you must form part of me. This is why my kind fail to see you as separate and distinct individuals, but rather as objects which are plugged into us and assimilated into us. You are there to serve me. I am there to control you. In order for this state of affairs to be created it is necessary for you to be seen as an object. If I regarded you as an independent individual, possessing your own desires, thoughts and actions, this would cause me considerable concern. I would be repeatedly fearful that you would be “do your own thing” and therefore you would fail to provide me with what I need to exist. Thus, my kind and me, reduce you to the status of an object in order to remove this sense of independence and this in turn removes the fear of you failing to malfunction.
This is why when you challenge us in some way or you assert your own independence and identity, our reaction is severe. Not only are you criticising us by suggesting we do not have you under control, thus igniting our fury, you are also attempting to assert that you are not an object and this threatens our environment and our control. Such a threat results in a severe response on our part in order to get you back into line, remove your independence, erode your sense of separation and assimilate you back into our function and control.
Your objectification is a necessary device to enable us to assert control over you and our environment so that our needs are met and our existence is preserved. Since we regard you as part of us, if you try to break away from us, it is as if our hand is being severed from us. In order to assimilate you we must erode any sense of independence you may have. This is why our various manipulations are designed to wear you down so that you no longer have the energy to rail against us. This is why our various machinations are designed to condition you to act in the same way over and over again, just like a machine, so that you become reliable and predictable. We make your world chaotic so that we become the only item of stability. Our behaviour will appear random and arbitrary but we remain there, a constant in your life and this forces you to cling to us and in our minds this causes you to be subsumed within us. By generating an unstable environment around you, we want you to move into the stability that we represent by remaining a constant.
Our inability to empathise is also crucial in your objectification. Since we feel no need to care or exhibit compassion this also makes it far easier for us to regard you as an object and thus fulfil the requirements I have described above. We feel nothing towards you in terms of caring for you. If you do not function, we will hate you, we will feel fury towards you, frustration and jealousy that you may be functioning for another, but not us (for example giving your emotional attention (fuel) to somebody other than us, even though that person does not need your fuel, that does not matter to us, the fact is, we demand it). Our feelings towards you, since we objectify you, are akin to the annoyance that a car will not start. Jealousy that our neighbour’s lawnmower is more effective than ours. Hatred towards the drill that does not drill straight. Our reactions to these objects for not functioning are exactly the same as they are towards you when you fail to do what we want, and this in turn continues to increase the sense of objectifying you.
Our objectification of you is brought about through several mechanisms. As I explained above, if the kettle stops working, I discard it and get a new one. Thus you are treated as dispensable and if you stop providing me with fuel, I will discard you and replace you. I seek total control over you in order to deny you the ability to make your own decisions. Not only will I tell you what to say and do, I expect you to always comply with what I want, placing my needs above your own. By denying you this independence of decision-making, I further objectify you. Since I exhibit no concern for your feelings, this is a considerably dehumanising action which increases your objectification. Owing to my massive sense of entitlement, I treat you as I see fit. Just like a plate. I may wash the plate, polish the plate, smash the plate, scrawl on the paint and so on. I do what I want to the plate because I own it and it is mine to do with as I see fit. I maintain the belief that I own you and thus I can do to you as I see fit. I have no regard for how you feel about the way I treat you and this, allied with my ownership of you further objectifies you. I consider you as tool which has been supplied to serve my purposes. You provide me with fuel, you give me money, you make me dinner, you provide sexual gratification, you do my laundry, you look after the children and so forth. This is expected and again by treating you as an instrument in this fashion, your objectification continues.
All of these various ways of regarding you and treating you combine to have us regard you as an object but also to have you feel objectified to. It is a two-way process. Not only do we see you as an object, we want you to feel like an object because then you are more likely to function in the manner which we require.
Objectifying you serves a considerable purpose to us in ensuring that you provide us with what we need, you remain under our control and function accordingly. It is also useful as a means of provoking fuel from you because you will become angry or upset at being treated this way and have your sense of identity violated. Furthermore, it enables us to erode your self-esteem because we all seek validation of what we are from other people (indeed my very existence relies on this) and therefore if we invalidate you by treating you as an object, we remove your self-esteem, start to crush you which further means you are less likely to escape and evade our control.
The need to objectify you is crucial to our existence. We deploy various methods of bringing about this objectification. We see you as objects, we have to see you as objects and we treat you as objects.
34 thoughts on “I Object”
Sorry, I meant I am not sure I understood purpleribbon’s point above but it made me think of this parallel between narcissism and many collective human behaviors.
Not sure I understood all the debate above but I also think that the dynamics of narcissism can be seen in collective human behaviors or systems such as slavery or colonialism, for instance.
Very good post HG.
Wow This is so clearly detailed and expressed. I will say that I think it takes some time before a victim becomes a reliable appliance. HG, do you believe that to be so? I believe there is an initial period of deconstruction that needs to occur before one reaches toaster or kettle or blender status (That’s been me, the blender, trying to mix up and make something wonderful out of all the s–t he through into the mix) If a victim can see behind the curtain before he/she becomes a reliable appliance, I imagine the escape might be a little easier.
HG. When does the objectification start? Is it right from the start no matter what, but we are to unaware to see it at that point, or, after the golden period? And…is there any circumstance in which it is done to others only, but not the victim…until devalue and discard? TIA.
Hello Lisa, it is from the start. It is done with everybody.
And……we do shape the environment and this not inclusive nor exclusive to the empath label, the tree hugger label, the vegan movement, the hippy high movement, the Candyman and his mansion decrepit display of foolishness, nor is it owned by the narcissist. Your inner sanctum is you and what you bring to the world. The footprints you have travelled and left behind and you choose how you align your world, with your innermost child and what you wish to go into the last slumber with on your conscience. Preparation is the only thing that we can control and the rest is up for debate and discussion but is futile unless we selectively choose to honour our inner child. 🙂 Sickly sweet and fair floss, puke an ick to many but you are your own person.
Be ready and be prepared at all times. <3 <3 <3
HG- You have exemplified near my exact words, over a lengthy period of time to a specific narcissist. Therefore can you imagine the feeling of his arm being severed over and over again with no way to control me and no way to stop me? Due to the fact that I refuse to be viewed or adopted as an extension, nor to be treated as a proxy for his woes and frustration, I am indeed a constant. Consistently seeing it as you explain it in your articles, that I am working my way through at leisure and please note that I have come into this wp site with no prior knowledge of your work. My lived experience and analysis of every strategy deployed by the narcissist by my own interpretation that your articles match exceptionally well almost as if he should get a knock on the head and wake up one day reciting your words of confirmation that come through these reads, are the same in effect that he has heard from my mouth as a constant. Each person commenting, depending on their level of awareness for eg- how long, how deep into the narcissists realm they are or have been and how far through their journey they are at or how many hurdles they have jumped, have the capacity for the full awareness of their N’ ex N’ within them. So, in saying that I would like to illustrate something and will not scroll back to read what you have written in this article at all because it is not foreign nor a light bulb moment due to my experiences or the depth of my inner interpretative. NO, I am not undermining you, nor am I undermining any victims experiences as we are all at different stages on a timeline of entanglement with N’s, ex N’s. I have no respect nor will I for the N individuals that overstepped their mark in my life. I can respect your writing as raw as it is for you have earned respect as you are no longer hiding what is cloaked. Therefore you took it to another level and in a way are humiliating those that will continue to hide it for the rest of their days. This might be quite unsettling for a majority of them, I dare say. I won’t even go there with my analysis as to how this may fuel you being the one to step up to the plate, over their heads. That will come later as your journey reveals it.
This is what I would like to share in comment to your Object’ article.
1. We are well aware or those confused and coming to terms with the depth of their abuse will come to the awareness that our kind’ that is our species use the planet draining it’s resources be it animal, vegetable, mineral, organic, inorganic as a source that can be obtained through demand and supply. The demand and supply chain is all around us and throughout the centuries as consumers would be hypocrites to say that we do not feed into demand and supply, after all its for our survival. In mention to the spectrum once again, some of us chose by free will to be vegan, some vegetarian, some proud meat lovers and others feed every impulse if they have the means to do so exhaustively. We are not divided in that as a whole but for the addictions of say over indulgence for eg KFC where we may become obese as a result yet may not explain the underlying trigger.
2. The appliance model and the machinations used, could also be interpreted as the way we treat laboratory animals. They are there for a purpose and after our kinds, unkindness most after are terminated. Terminal end research involves gathering young and spirited animals from pounds and teaching students to master their skills and use their mistakes without any implication as the machine’ is just a conduit to learning and higher education. Although a sentient being it has no rights under our kind in such a manner. Quite simply put it is the garbage that we disposed of and it is being recycled for a brief moment in time to get someone their honours.
3. The reverse is how empaths and victims of narcissists feel about the machine. The empath victim has no reason not to consider the narcissist the appliance, the machine. Void of empathy, the animals facing terminal end research more than likely bonded with their family (owners) and showed more than the narcissist can by way of connection in a short period of time, let alone a lifetime. http://www.godtube.com/watch/?v=WKPDZLNX
4. There is an old saying: You become what you believe and if you believe that others a simply an appliance, you will be become an appliance, nothing more and nothing less. Those on life support are hooked up to an appliance, they have no control on that. They have no control if and when that appliance will be pulled from them and as it is an appliance it is needed for others that’s survival is in critical need of appliances. No one mourns the appliance and gives it a star on the walk of fame for its job, for its survivors. The respirator did its job, whether the patient died or not, the life support strategies and technology unequivocally did its job. Pulling the plug of the appliances off/out of the domestic violence victim for eg, is a collective choice. When the appliances are updated we may see a ted x on the marvels of this new and bright machine but we don’t mourn it all when it is replaced.
5. A kettle, or toaster that consistently trips the safety switch and is misbehaving is not worth even using the warranty on as it is cheap to replace than go through the effort and being a machine we are likely to say, it’s a piece of junk probably made in China. When it causes electrocution, fire and not just a few life threatening zaps, it is considered far too dangerous to have and most likely all similar product lines will be investigated and/or recalled. What happened with the Samsung? We thought it looked great, wanted one and it set our hair alight! We got burned! More serious injuries may have warranted a respirator, but machines have been proven time and time again to be unreliable.
6. Ladies, when someone human acts like a machine, treat it as a machine.
&7. When another of our species considered lesser than us shows more compassion than a machine, treat it as humanely as you can.
8. Drop the Pilot 😉 You are the boss of you.
PRH. Admire your passion but wow, youre going to suffer carpal tunnel if you dont already. Is it the letting go of emotion or the thought of saving someone your fate that drives you. I have to be brutally honest though- its a lot to slog through sometimes so I find myself skipping over your posts ans missing the point you may be trying to make. Brevity can be your friend in relaying information so people can benefit. But you do you.
NarcAngel advice taken on board. Carpal Tunnel the least of my worries. Brevity definition, shortness of time or duration; briefness: the brevity of human life. Clipped sentences and grunts from a pig have made me defiant. I hear you. I find reductionism a sore point, due to my experience and will sort it in due course. What drives me? Your first statement=passion. Why? Why not.
Couldn’t resist 😂
Remarkable bluntness regarding the cold reality of Narcissism. And just mind blowing to those of us who feel we connect deeply to others. Great post!
While I am very appreciative of the insights you have shared. They have made me stronger in case I ever run into my Ex again. I just wondered if you have been using your blog to look for new primary and secondary sources? I imagine many of the followers would be a a virtual gold mine of fuel.
Hello Mel. Yes it is necessary to be blunt to drive the message home. Thanks for the compliments. No I do not use to the blog to look for new primary and secondary sources. Yes there are people here who would be very good fuel sources, but that is not the purpose of the blog. Moreover, I do not need it as I am highly proficient at securing my fuel sources outside of this blog.
Oooh oooh do I qualify as one of those very good fuel sources??? Do I ? Do I? Do I?
Not yet Love, after all, as a remote stranger you are a tertiary source.
I like that you said ‘yet’. It gives me something to work towards. One day…
And was entirely intentional Love.
Kettles are fat and stupid. If I’m to be an appliance I should like to be a toaster rather than a kettle. 2 slots please not 4 which means there is no other to serve and I have you all to myself. Variable settings of toastiness to ensure the butter always melts just so, (although some days you will find for some inexplicable reason your toast will be burnt). Sleek and shiny chrome please so that you can see your refection in me as you do the dishes. I will pleasure in serving you until you become neglectful, leaving me smudged, unpolished, or feeding me inferior breads and pastries. Then I shall be forced to seduce the extension cord and leap into the dishwater, ensuring I am never replaced and we can be together forever as you promised………..
Very nice. Its like Romeo and Juliet. Will you be sold on infomercials NA? I will be. I’m the ninja blender and I come in 5 easy payments. Seriously though, this blender is the best thing ever.
What are people blending that they need ninja like evisceration? Are you making meat smoothies? Do tell.
Never. What a waste of meat that would be. I enjoy shape and texture.
Just a Ninja, Love?
Not a Vitamix Pro?
I adore my Vitamix Pro.
I though ninja meant no income no job or assets
LMAO, I adore your sense of humour HG.
It does mean that, but Love was labeling herself as an appliance and I am simply letting her know she picked a low-brow model to compare herself to.
One should always pick the best of the best, especially when one is trying to attract the best of the best.
I am just trying to be helpful. Out of the goodness of my heart, you know?
I actually own a Ninja Auto IQ and it works amazingly for me. I prefer it to the Vitamix.
As for the acronym of ninja, it’s the first time I’m hearing that definition and it sounds dreadful. Definitely not anyone I’d ever associate with. I would use my own acronym instead, moe. Money over everything.
Exactly. The high tech espresso machine will ALWAYS function for me. If and when it stops functioning, I’ll get a new one. People do not always function the way I want them to, so they don’t last as long as my beloved espresso machine.
Your ability to describe how your kind view us mere tools is unparalleled. Gut wrenchingly so.
Fascinating read! I have never come across this issue laid bare to that level of detail.
If you show no appreciation whatsoever for the person you are with, how on earth can you believe she is going to stay? You are not irreplaceable. There are many who can take your place, and they will appreciate her for who she is, as she is. Look at your track record, has your method ever worked long-term? Is it not time to rethink your approach?
They stay because of the addiction , their susceptibility to the same and the addiction. My method has worked long term, I’ve always been fuelled.
They stay because they do not know better. Once the fog lifts, the spell is broken.
Don’t forget our misguided hope which we cling to, that you are not what you really are.
Matilda, some of us know better and still we stay. Mr. Tudor is right, it is an addiction. The only time the spell is broken is when I’m discarded. Yet I get right back up and look to be objectified all over again by someone new. To you this article may seem harsh. To me it is a love ballad.
HG, every time you write about objectifying, I hear him saying to me that he owns me and he always will. Many times he said I had to submit to his orders. I’m still getting the chills from what happened. But I need to face this. Thanks HG.