Fear comes in many forms. It has the capacity to cause dread, anxiety and nervousness. Fear is one of the most powerful tools that exists to facilitate control over somebody. Think back to when you were a small child and the things that frightened you. Many of them have a universal applicability. How many times did you cry out to your mother and father in the night because you were frightened of the “monsters under the bed” and you were terrified that once the bedroom door was closed that something would come creeping out of the wardrobe and induce utter fear throughout you? Perhaps it was the strange shapes that formed once the light was turned off with only moonlight streaming through the crack in the curtains so that the shadow thrown across the room appeared like some old crone waiting to come and take you away and eat you. How many times were you warned as a child never to speak to strangers, never to get into a car with somebody you did not know and never to accept sweets from a stranger? Do you recall how this conjured up images of smelly old men in stained raincoats who waited to abduct you and spirit you away to be locked up who knows where? Perhaps there was that house on your walk back from school which had attracted a certain reputation. It was run-down, the garden overgrown, with bushes spilling onto the path, the windows grimy and paint peeling. You were never sure whether anybody actually lived there. Some said that a witch resided there and she waited for children passing on their own before grabbing them and stuffing them in her cellar to starve to death. Others told tales on stormy afternoons which made the hairs on the back of your neck stand up, about the spirits that haunted the old house. A friend would swear that he had walked past, one wet and windy evening, just as it was going dark and he saw the face of a ghostly child staring at him from an upstairs window, the child’s spectral hands knocking against the window as if requesting help. After hearing that tale you took a different route home from school so you did not have to pass this particular house anymore. If that was not possible, you would run past, head down, shouting at the top of your voice to drown out any strange sounds that might come from the trapped ghost child, as you dared not even look towards the house. Fear often stalked your childhood and resulted in sleepless nights, nightmares and a reluctance to go to bed. Do you remember being sent to bed and staring up the stairs towards the darkness wondering what was waiting for you? How you did not want to appear scared in front of your parents (especially since they had let you stay up a while longer because you were a “big boy/girl” now). You wanted to hand those words back as you hovered at the base of the stairs, the hallway colder than the living room from which you had ventured. How many times did the noise of the house settling, resulting in strange groans and creaks convince you that somebody was waiting out of sight in a doorway, their heavy booted foot resting on the squeaky floorboard, rusty axe clutched in greasy, long-nailed fingers?  Did the sight of a clown have you running to hide in the folds of your mother’s dress, that strange leering and accentuated mouth creating panic in your tiny mind? What did that eerie clown have in mind for you?

It might have been a reluctance to paddle barefooted in the sea or a river because you could not see where you were putting your feet. You felt something brush your foot, most likely seaweed, but in your mind some razor-toothed fish was about to take a bite from your ankle or a crab was about to affix a pincer to your big toe. You turned and ran hollering from the edge of the sea back to the safety of the sandy beach. There may have been a murderer’s alleyway in your town, a badly-lit passageway between two roads which was a convenient and easy short cut during the day but a night the purported preserve of lurking knife merchants and yellow-toothed stranglers who were just waiting to pounce and take your life. You stood staring down the alleyway trying to drive the rising fear from you but it just would not go and instead you opted to walk the long way around. It took twenty extra minutes but at least you got home safely.

Fear continued to stalk your life as you grew older. You might not be worried about the bogeyman anymore but he has shapeshifted into the fear that comes with finding a lump about your body and not knowing what it is. Uncertainty about the business for whom you work has you tossing and turning at night. Wondering where the next pay check will come from has you similarly fearing for the future. Walking alone along a road at night and hearing footsteps behind you still causes your heart rate to increase. A glance over your shoulder as you cross the road to the over pavement only serves to heighten your worry as a hooded figure also crosses the road. Your step quickens as your fear increases and your mind floods with images of robbery, rape or murder. When alone in the house at night the sound of a bang from downstairs has you sat bolt upright in bed. What was that noise? Did you dream it? Was it somebody breaking in? Was it something not of this world, a poltergeist perhaps hurling a book against a wall. You cannot see what caused the noise and immediately the fear forms in the pit of your stomach, your racing mind conjuring up a score of unpleasant scenarios as you debate creeping to the top of the stairs and peering down to see if you can ascertain what it was.

Fear takes hold of you and makes your reasoning faulty. It tightens around your throat stopping you from calling out and turns your legs into stone so you are figuratively petrified and unable to escape that unseen tormentor. Fear withers you, paralyses you and you will do anything at all to escape that sensation of fear. It is pervasive, damaging and controlling.

Your greatest fears always stem from the unknown. It is that which you cannot see which causes you the greatest terror. When you cannot see something you are plunged into fear, its icy grip takes hold and you crumble. The unknown and the unseen create the fear. That is why we are so devastatingly effective in our control of you. That is why we create such numbing fear in you.

58 thoughts on “Fear

  1. Windstorm says:

    That’s a common problem for many of us, apparently. Fear you’re not good enough, you’re not lovable, not deserving of good treatment and forgiveness? God knows I’ve spent decades of my life in fear like that. Reinforcing those fears was one of my mother’s favorite forms of negative fuel. While those fears may never go completely away, we can move beyond them. It is possible to find inner peace, gain the respect of others and know that it is deserved. I know this because impossible as it seemed for so many years, I have done it. And if I could do it after living my entire life with many narcissists, everyone of you all can do it too. Think positive and keep moving forward.

  2. Ciara says:

    Can you tell me what is the cold blank non movable stare means? Why does he sniff me?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Ciara.

      The Stare
      1. He is seeking to intimidate you;
      2. He is contemplating the next move; or
      3. He does not know what emotion to convey and therefore goes blank.

      It will depend on the context.

      Sniffing you

      1. He suspects you have been misbehaving and is checking for the scent of another person, or alcohol or whatever else he wishes to accuse you of doing;
      2. He is seeking to intimidate you by sniffing your fear or the stench of your guilt or that you need a shower
      3. He is reminding you that you are prey

      Again it depends on the context.

      1. Ciara says:

        You’re a big help. I think I know why he’s sniffing me now. What is the difference in the glazed stare than the cold black stare? Are they the same?
        Thanks H.G. For your knowledge,I appreciate you

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Glazed stare is failing to establish the correct emotion to show. The cold black stare is malice.

          You are welcome Ciara.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    You do not love me. F that S. You faker.

    1. Forgiven says:


    2. 1jaded1 says:

      When I say that, I mean that I cannot be loved. Don’t try…even in sarcasm.

      1. Love says:

        I take any love I can get, be it a lie, joke, sarcasm. None of that matters. The core of it is still LOVE.

  4. 1jaded1 says:

    Love, I wasn’t competing. I know bettter than to compete against HG..

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I love you too 1jaded, you know that.

      1. Forgiven says:

        Triangulating sociopath, you…

        1. Forgiven, lol at ‘triangulating’ comment!😂

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        You don’t love me. You don’t know me.

      3. Love says:

        Do you love me too Mr. Tudor???

        1. HG Tudor says:

          My love is all around Love.

          1. Forgiven says:

            I wish this was so. I wish it was not hate, but love. I cannot understand why it cannot be so 🙁 I wish you could just pass through the shadow, and taste the light. You could make it happen! There would be so much for you to see! It is right!

      4. Love says:

        I Wanna Be Loved By You, just you
        and nobody else but you 🎶

  5. Forgiven says:

    My mom always thought so. And, she treated me as so. Plus, the Narcs have told me so, and all their Lieutenants [flying monkeys]. After a while, a person begins to question themselves and maybe even act like it. It dug in the deepest from being told so while growing up. I do not ever feel worthwhile. Maybe this is why I might believe I am only suitable enough to be around Narcissists. I never feel good enough. Beyond that, I feel very much like a I am of no value. I do not want sympathy. I do not deserve it. Even compassion might be too good for me. Sometimes I just believe that there is no purpose or reason for me to be here and that everybody hates me, anyway. It’s okay.

  6. MLA - Clarece says:

    I fear being forgotten.

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    The unknown causes you fear from what I’ve read. You can’t contol it. It doesn’t cause me fear, HG. Apprehension, maybe. I love the gift of fear and am trying to use it. I still reference the book by Gavin DeBecker, which you won’t read.

    We could walk down a city street together. The alleys and hooded people are just part of the city.

    Your admissions of fear make you courageous, do you agree HG?

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      PS. This comment will remain in moderation forever. 🙂

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No it won’t.
        I win.

        1. 1jaded1 says:

          In a competition of one. Yay.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed, I am peerless!

      2. Love says:

        Lol Jaded, you cracked the code!!! Just put a ‘PS this will be in moderation forever’ and it will pop right on up 😉

        PS Mr. Tudor, you will always win ❤

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, good try but it won’t if it is a lengthy post or questions, they take longer for me to deal with!

          Yes I will, pleased you noticed.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Ohhhh…. longer questions for you to “deal” with. Lol. I see you’ve been dealing with some of mine for a couple of weeks.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed I have Clarece. All will be addressed.

    2. HG Tudor says:

      The alleys and the hoodies cause me no fear or concern.
      Yes, the admission of fear is courageous albeit I would never admit it in my day to day machinations.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I wasn’t competing. You can take your win. Of course you wouldn’t admit fear outside of here. It still exists and you are acknowledging it. THAT is a win.

  8. Hello HG, do narcs experience fear? I am not referring to fear of the creature. I am referring to fear of situations that non-narc men may fear – like driving on an icy road with bad tires, stopping for gas in a dangerous neighborhood, hearing about a drive by shooting in your city etc. Thank you. 😊

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I do not experience fear generally save for those specific instances concerning the loss of my existence and fuel, but the examples that you describe are not matters which cause me fear.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        And being let down. You fear that immensely. It undermines you, wounds you and rips you in two.

      2. Thank you HG.

  9. I am sort of speaking to all the Narcissist’s “Associates” who deemed me as the evil one, in the past, due to all the Narc’s lies, word manipulations, and treachery.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Why are you the evil one? Clue me in?

  10. I do not fear the past Narcs. I fear the fact that evil does exist, and is not so easy to detect. This is what I fear. It is The Light that gives me Safety and Protection, even from my very own failings of interacting with a Narcissist in the first place, such as on this blog. Why do I do it? I wish I knew. Perhaps it’s the familiarity, or my failings of being able to detach from even those who are not healthy for me. I am sure there are many reasons all stemming from my past. My behavior might very well be stupid, but it still does not make me evil, like them. Mr. Tudor said so on his YouTube Video [out of the box ch. II]; it is not the victim’s fault.

  11. Adele says:

    Fear definitely plays into it for me. Fear of losing him and abandonment. If i trusted him fully that fear wouldnt be there but then that wouldnt be him. Hes always been unpredictable and ive grown used to that in a dysfunctional way. Basically trauma bonding. I crave that excitement but fear it as well. Fear has kept me in a relationship that will not amount to much. I fear losing myself because ive become a part of him and without him i no longer know who i am. Fear is very powerful

  12. Jamie M says:

    We instilled fear into each other all the time. We both loved it though. One of my favorite lines from of one our many fights..

    Him: “What, you scared now?!”
    Me: “You think I’m scared of the big bad wolf!? Hunny, I *am* the big bad wolf.”

    I’ll never forget the fear in his eyes.. That look of the moment he realized he had finally met his match.

    1. I used to lunge forward and juke him out and say “you want a piece of me…… didn’t think so”

    2. 1jaded1 says:

      You intrigue me, Jamie M. When my ex tried to scare me, I laughed. Trust betrayed at an early age tends to skew feelings. I still feel anxiety but fear, not so much.

    3. Forgiven says:

      Strangely, he equated himself with that of the wolf. I should had known. Of course, he also loved Spider-Man.

      1. Forgiven says:

        The one before him loved Superman and bought himself a Superman nightlight. How utterly romantic it was to see the large shadow of Superman in the center of his bedroom wall at night.

  13. I feel scared.

    1. Love says:

      Claudiasssssss! You’re back!

      1. Love says:

        Nevermind. The Betty Boop Tinkerbell pic had me thinking you are someone else.

      2. Forgiven says:

        Thank you, Love. I had to change due to followers I did not want following me.

        1. Forgiven, i hope you don’t mean someone here on the blog is disturbing you?

          1. Forgiven says:

            PTSD, no worries about anyone on this blog. It’s from past Narc and all his ghouls.

          2. Ok.
            I’m glad you’ve taken the appropriate steps to protect yourself. 😊

          3. Forgiven says:

            Thanks, PTSD. Plus, I am moving soon and changing my phone number… and, changing everything thing else, too.

          4. Your welcome 😊

          5. *you’re welcome (spelling error)

  14. My ex used all my fears against me during our divorce. Damned if it didn’t work, I was so strong and then I turned into a weak little bitch, between him and the hormones they crushed me.

  15. Hypnotised says:

    this is one thing we have in common although You won’t admit it dear G..FEAR….

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