All In The Eyes



The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.
“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give much such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”
When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you. This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes. Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique. You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.
As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless. People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.
All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned inΒ the recollection about the cookie jar,Β how I had practised my withering stare one summer. This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.

275 thoughts on “All In The Eyes

  1. [youtube

    Grounded somewhat. I apologise for any person/s that I have lashed out at- Dreaming of my horses this early morn 2:22am x

    1. Love says:

      I hope you feel better Purple. I like unicorns …. They make me happy. Maybe you should dream about them too. πŸ’œ

      1. Love says:

        BTW, Purple, today (yesterday for you) was your Summer Solstice, right? It represents light, power, and love. I wish all 3 for you πŸ’ž

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      Horses are amazing, majestic creatures. Earlier, I just wanted to help you hit the reset button so you could calm yourself. I hope you feel much, much better.

  2. davita says:

    <3 Purpleribbonhealing <3

  3. Going to beddybyes now- Goodnight bright light,tomorrow is another day (Scarlett O’Hara-Gone with the Wind).

    1. Matilda says:

      I hope that you have found sleep by now, purpleribbonhealing… remember, whoever you are presenting your case to, you must stay calm! If you fly into rages like that, they will dismiss everything you say and label you as ‘crazy’… you would set yourself checkmate, and that is surely not what you want to achieve…

  4. DFA says:

    I am so sorry PRH my heart broke as I read what you had to say. I do understand the loss of a child, it is very hard not to be angry when the hurt is so deep.
    I am sorry

  5. Chill out people- HG don’t sweat the small stuff…and yeah I concur! I thought you were the all knowing narc HG, why is that you seem puzzled? Don’t act confused HG. That is below you πŸ™‚

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Even I get confused when I cannot follow what is being written.

      1. Really you get confused oh surely not?

      2. Not everything in life is predictable HG, I thought you thought you had it all covered by now…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There is predictable, there is random. With one comes coherence the other incoherence.

          1. Two sides hey?

      3. Hi HG. This is it for me. I am at the end of the line. I have stayed true to me and I am not going down without the largest fight for my life, that of the people I love. Lot’s of tears, soaked my face. My last lifebouy. Need advice urgently. I am done. I am all out and over. No, I am not going to anything to myself. I want this animal incarcerated fro the rest of his natural life. I have police now listening HG. This fckn animal is going down. Pls respond.No One will hold you accountable because you are the only person in the whole world that confirmed just how far you people go to kill another. Thank you for that πŸ™

      4. How do you think that you can follow what I am speaking whilst I am trying to stay alive??????????

  6. davita says:

    I am sorry

  7. I hate him. he killed my baby- he killed my little beautiful sebby, he is a cruel monstrous bastard. He played COPYCAT of my ex. Double trauma, double everything. He is a psychopath.

    1. Bloody Elemental says:


      And you understand the HE you are referring to is not HG, yes?

      It appears you are having a difficult time and the only reason I care to acknowledge it is because you are cluttering up the forum with vitriol and nonsense. It is annoying as it makes posts difficult to read and understand.

      Losing your marbles in this space is not going to do one lick of good. It serves no purpose.

      1. Bloody Elemental says:

        All your talk about cowards, Purple.

        Why not go spout off your nonsense to the one who actually hurt you then, instead of cluttering up the forum with your crazy?

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Hey BE! I think it’s time today for some levity, don’t you? I think we should change it up and talk about the plot lines for our spin off TV show that will surely be a hit and win Emmy’s following our award winning Lifetime Movie since I survived cancer in that and it was all due to your tough as nails inspirational support that you only dole out to a select few. I see Girls meets Sex and the City, meets Crazy Ex-Girlfriend with the occasional musical number!

      2. Bloody Elemental says:

        Oh Clarece, how I do love a good musical!

        I think we should also have a go at a female version of the Odd Couple.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Haha, brilliant!

      3. Not So Sad says:

        No she isn’t BE otherwise HG wouldn’t post post her comments . Remember HG thrives on conflict .

        As for cluttering up the forum & vitriol he’d love that too. x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          By way of clarification NSS indeed conflict appeals especially when directed at me, but given the low fuel level garnered here (and the far greater amounts I gather elsewhere) I would prefer to see observation, constructive debate and interesting insight rather than long diatribes which are difficult to reconcile with a particular point or stance. Vitriol is tasty, clutter not so much.

          1. Not So Sad says:

            Looks like I’m spending Christmas on the naught step πŸ™‚

  8. So now he got what he wanted to make hi have an excuse to say, See you are just like me……I would rather die than be like him!

  9. I wish he was dead, I really wish he would die for all the times that my physicians said, next time we will see you in the morgue..for all the times my head was sutured, for all the times that he corrupted the police for all the times that he used my family, for all the times that he showed no mercy for what he cost me..for all the times of the unspoken..for all the times he did the unthinkable..for all the times my body, my beautiful pale body poured blood like a river….I hate him, I really hate him. I hate him. I despise him and that is what he wanted….he wanted to see me hate πŸ™ I don’t want to be anything like him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. Still Confused says:

    Purpleribbonhealing…breathe darling, just breathe.

    1. Thank you I am having a really bad time and meltdown long, very long overdue. HG and I clash nothing more and nothing less. That is the connection. That is all.

      1. Still Confused says:

        Ground yourself.

        1. Nah, the birds of the sky have it all. When they come to ground they often get run over by our intrusions into their flight zones.

  11. Still Confused says:

    This thread has been bothering me. I’m just going to put it out there…my thoughts, feelings (if you will). The metaphors and vagueries (?) are directed at you HG…at your memories…at past transgressions. This is personal. There is so much pain in these seemingly nonsensical rants. You know purple ribbon healing on some intimate level…and she knows you. I may be way off the mark, it happens, but the feeling of “knowing” is very strong right now. Me, Empath? Yes. But far beyond just that.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello SC, I can say categorically that we do not know one another outside of this arena.

      1. Still Confused says:

        Good to know. Very concerned for this persons wellbeing. She/he is standing on a very unstable ledge.

    2. AH OH says:

      SC She is lashing out against Narcs, I would hope. Or the meds were left in the bottle today or it is another blogger (that we have come to know and love) who is using a different name.

      HG will let her rant and then if it becomes too much he will not post and let the blogger calm down. He does take into consideration all of us.

      I for one do not need to read any more of what she has to say. I for one would not want to listen to an interview with her at the helm.

      She is damaged to say the least and needs professional help along with the support here.

      HG is kind here and only here. Imagine how he would destroy her outside this arena. Hell, I dream of this too.


      1. HG Tudor says:

        Well put Ah Oh.

      2. davita says:

        I, myself, have used a different name from Claudiasssssss and Forgiven due to past Narcs and their Lieutenants. But, I do not use anyone else’s name from on this blog.

        1. AH OH says:

          OK you just told your Narcs and the crew who you are……….again. Now you need to change your name once more. I had no idea it was you Claudia! πŸ˜‰

          1. HG Tudor says:

            There is much mirth in the Office of Hg Tudor!

          2. davita says:

            Oh ya….I will do so right now…change my name again.

          3. AH OH says:

            Don’t tell us!

          4. Claudia Z. says:

            I put a “Z” at the end this time. I do not think they will find this one little comment. See, I want you all on this blog to know who I am, but not the Narc and Lieutenants… I like Davita name, too, as is one of my Aunt’s names.

          5. AH OH says:

            but everyone knows you like Betty Boop. Change it to something else that is not related to you.

  12. Then you are all so adrift! So be it. I have thrown a tantrum after a long, long itme- years and you don;t know what I have stood against! I am bleeding because i have thrown a tantrum and I am just human and I cannot wear this shit anymore! After years of daily abuse I have let off steam and my hands are cut, my feet are bleeding, but that is nothing. I have been bed out from abuse, I have undergone brain surgery, I have survived what many would die from and here you are making judgement on me because it is uncomfortable for you! i WANTED TO DO WHAT HE DOES! Why? because it is what I have resisted to try to be the better person. I am on blood thinners to keep my brain stent viable,,,that is not the main issue. Now I have thrown every single thing out of the fridge, and slammed it into my double sink, I am cut. I just t wanted to feel that same relief and let it out. The pressure is not for me to keep having to endure. Quite frankly, I wish it was not like this…why is God testing me so πŸ™

    1. PRH, i know it’s very hard living with narc abuse. It looks like you need a space to vent your feelings. I really hope you find peace soon. Sending you warm wishes for peace of mind and good health.

      1. That is really my lifeline. I have to continually distract myself best as I can whilst a monster is screeching like a demon and raging with fury and taking his whole life out on me. I promise that thanks to HG I have been validated and I not only have four and a half years of how he manipulated the system, I have evidence from HG to support my claims!

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          I hope the authorities swiftly take action to remove him from your life and get you out of harm’s way.

          1. Thanks not easy and very draining. Sorry again for an outburst under extreme conditions.

        2. PRH, it looks like you’re going through some really rough times. Hang in there! You’ll get through it! I’ve had my share of rough times too, though everybody’s story is different. All the best to you!

  13. J.R. says:

    At the end of our first w’end after seduction, exN looked at me & said, ‘I have a secret’. I queried as to what. He replied, ‘it’s about the future’. I smiled thinking it was about being together, marriage etc. He said, ‘whoever is with me has to be strong’. I thought he was referencing his colourful drug & sexual history but I will NEVER forget seeing the malevolence in his eyes as they seemed to go from dark brown to almost black but brushing off the internal alarm as ‘why would he want to hurt me?’ Guess I know what his secret is now…
    And it was remiss of me the other day HG to thankyou for this safe place to vent – so thankyou.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome JR.

  14. DFA says:

    I have a headache now after reading all that
    To much ….

  15. Still Confused says:

    Well. That whole tirade was quite strange.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I concur.

    2. Nope it is my normal—-I did not ask to be born like this.

      1. ME says:

        Are you on drugs?
        No intention to insult you, I’m actually concerned I’m not able to understand your soliloquy.

        1. I don’t care for your inability to understand me nor for your (I’m actually concerned jargon-in keeping with what narcs do as the slide of the hand to feign concern, BS)! You have just attempted to manage me down using an all too common narc remark and I am plenty of drugs to keep me alive, sunshine so until you are in my body, go and play the sympathetic friend BS to another online that you don’t know from Jill.

  16. Matilda says:

    Purpleribbonhealing, you must have been triggered quite badly recently… but please, try to calm down a bit… rage is understandable but ultimately counterproductive… I would give you a good cup of tea and a hug now πŸ™‚ …

    1. Yeah, highly triggered! English breakfast tea thanks, not much milk!

  17. DFA says:

    HG hope you have a marvelous day!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you DFA.

  18. Oh go on keep it for your secret file HG- I am used to that! LOL big LOL. I have taken every kind of assault, abuse, bleeded out, etc and quite frankly it is getting boring. I am like, WTF I don’t feel connected anymore because what God keeps bringing someone back from NDE’s to suck up this disturbed crap? I won’t depart from my faith but when he said, follow me and carry the cross…I think it is a little overdone! I am like, hey Jesus how many times? I am like yeah I was dead, then I came alive, then I was dead then I came alive—-like what for????????

  19. My narc calls you a wanker and I am like for FFS at least he is miles ahead of you because he is confirming what I know about you, wanker. I never doubted myself and I could give you a hug but since your kind is so cold, I don’t elect to go into the freezer apart from kidnappings, brain surgery and abductions! LOL I am still here!

  20. Stop acting so conservative HG. You are being silly. Drop the defenses, drop the shame, drop the ooh I am pissed off. Get with the program. Told you how it is. …….. stop being a pussy.

    1. davita says:


  21. Are you fearful or are you acting with the stronghold over you? Be impulsive HG- Let go man. Let it all go. FLY.

  22. DFA says:

    I read one of your comments you said have precognition?

    Curious as to why you believe you would be the biggest buzz he would ever feel?

    Do you believe yourself to be an empath?

    Sorry for all the questions, I am just curious due to some of the things you have written.

    1. Try me? Ask me a question? I will give you what the universe tells me to give you- yes I am a rare precog…..I hate it. I really hate doing doubles!~

  23. You are keeping a shrine of my material and use it to keep addressing my issues and feed off it to inspire you to write!@!Q!!! STOP IT!~ You know where it lays. STOP stealing our stuff, who in the hell want’s to be a common thief? Are you scared to fly? Are you scared you won’t return—–where’s your risk taking behaviour now? Under mama’s skirt?

    1. davita says:

      Oh! (Blush)

    2. BraveHeart says:

      Purps, it sounds like you should take all your rantings and ravings back to “The One” who abused you. Yes, HG, is a Narc, but he’s not the cause of “your” personal misery. Not to mention, most of us here don’t want to be a part of your misery either With that said, go get help, go lash out to the true intended Narc in your life or for f**k sakes, try praying or meditating.

      1. Merry Christmas to you too πŸ™‚ Oh the same as I suggested HG do. Take it to the matrinarc. Believe me I have and his entire family. Meanwhile he was kept out of the picture and last nights Christmas eve celebrations were spent very merrily and lot’s of love and generations of people who are not narc’s was my prayer answered. Thank you for your advice and I am not one that will kick the crap out of any woman that expresses utter distress in the moment but feel free to keep it tidy and neat and boxed accordingly..I don’t follow that kind of thinking, that is what undermines abuse and leaves victims shutdown.

  24. Oh yeah Mr G—stop keeping my material for your own pleasure! Release it all- I have copied everything I wrote and everything you kept secret! I shall release it with the quotient of how many articles you kept in your cellar even though the only cellar you have is like a small space under the stairwell of your unit!——Rage, fire—-comeon HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      What are you going on about?

      1. I hate that crap saying—— What are you going on about—- oh please be original and unique!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I wrote it for the purpose of being succinct as I do not understand what you are writing about.

      2. Do you know why I despise that stupid comment- I am going to tell you. So typecast, so stupid and so limited. Why? The wankers use it. Don’t be a wanker, stand out from them.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You may despise it but it was entirely apt; I had no idea what you were going on about.

      3. 1: What are you goin’ (clipped english language-slang) about dah de dah?
        2: What are you goin’ on about—Hey dickhead I am going on about your lack of education.
        3: What are you goin’ about—Hey dickhead I am going on about the fact that you did not receive lifeskills.
        4: What are you goin’ about?
        5: Hey dickhead I am going on about how your adult sister felt uncomfortable when you tried to use her against me and she said—-look brother, see the little birds in the tree—what are these Qld birds…to distract you attacking both of us! Diversional therapy! For a fifty year old—-yeah right lol

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am assuming this is directed to somebody else and not me.

      4. You know exactly what you have not put up then you use it for a new spin! You are so typical a narc and so buried with you head in the sand that you don’t even understand complimentary Dear Watson!

      5. Hypnotised says:

        omg I wanted ask the same question. …

        1. HG Tudor says:

          The same question that I asked Hynotised?

      6. davita says:

        I am lost…now.

      7. Love says:

        What is a wanker?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          One who engages in onanism though the terms is used as an insult as in, “You just took my parking space. You absolute wanker!”

        2. #CJ7# says:

          A wanker is a slang term that I know is used alot here down in Oz. Call someone a wanker and it’s like calling them a stupid idiot!!

      8. Love says:

        Hmm. If one engages is onanism (btw, I had to look up that word), then it releases a lot of stress. Perhaps the person calling the other ‘a wanker’ should do the same and ‘blow off’ (lol) negative steam.
        My message of the day: Make love not war.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Wise words Love.

      9. BraveHeart says:

        LMAO … No Shit! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

  25. Ignore her, ignore her——-I cannot tap into her energy—–stay safe. Gutless Mr Man. I think that comment dissected was out of the movie—Misery. You are a great author HG xox and we are your biggest fans. πŸ˜€ πŸ˜‰ πŸ™‚ πŸ™ <3 <3 <3 We love being manipulated, we love you making money off us and we know you are so Good Looking that even Jesus would retreat back to his tomb, NOT. You have no evidence nor proof but in all of your writing you mention the "bar' more predominantly than any other. #Barflies united—–ooh ooh ooh…yay a barfly how extraordinary!

    1. Love says:

      Oh I never knew Jesus had a tomb. Good to know. Amazing what you learn on this blog.
      Purple, you mentioned ‘bar’. Are you referring to pubs and bars?
      Most people (celebrities, models, socialites, scholars, and everyone else) frequent these establishments now a days. Attractive people don’t hide underneath rocks.
      Also, Mr. Tudor can’t be making that much money off of us. This blog is free. You don’t have to spend a dime to post a comment and read his work. Also he responds. It is actually quite generous of him.

      1. Yes, I hear you and you are not living this. You don’t even know 1/100 of my journey yet you support and enable monsters.

      2. Love says:

        I know that you are surviving Purple. What doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. They weren’t able to destroy you. You are still living, breathing. I would love to read about your journey. Maybe you should write a book.

    2. #CJ7# says:

      You really need to stop this hey!!! You are doing sweet fuck all to help yourself or whatever your cause is here!! And thats the thing…. no one can even follow what your saying or is going to take you seriously whatsoever by this point because you have gone too far now and now it’s just sounding like white noise and droning on of a lunatic!!!

      Sorry if this pissed you off but it’s the cold hard truth!! Other people have asked you to stop already and I am fairly sure you even told 1 person to fuck off (or something to that effect!!!).

      No one is saying you can’t have your opinions or your grievances…. but this is starting to really read like the words of someone who should be in hospital at the moment!!!

      Do yourself a favour and quit it!!!

      1. BraveHeart says:

        Well said, CJ7 … I would like to think we’re all here to learn valuable lessons from HG and not to become more angry and depressed. I removed myself from that shit and I really don’t care to find it here … post after post after post [Purple, its’ time to seek counseling].

    3. BraveHeart says:

      Purple, doesn’t it make you an enabler (supporter) just by being here?

      1. Yes- sickening isn’t it but the benefit of validation we find here, the ruthless, raw astonishing and cruel mind of the narcissist is useful for most here, so we are all enablers!

  26. Am I crazy or I am telling the truth HG? You like to live on the edge, you like to gamble with life. Are you ready? Shall you hide these post’s? More than likely, yes. Shall you win again? I thought you liked a challenge? Are you afraid of an unknown quantity? Are you a coward? Are you a little boy lost? Come with me! I shall teach you.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      Please stop. Take a breather. You made your point. Now it’s getting redundant.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Nah! I’m here to stay.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I applaud that declaration.

      1. BraveHeart says:

        You took the words right out of my mouth, Clarece!!!

    2. davita says:

      Thank you, Purple and Mr. Tudor <3

      1. This may be entertaining Davita–we are not coupled!!!!!! Please don’t put us like we are having an online lover’s quarrel! I am admitting to lashing out at him because he supports what my N has done to me! I cannot stand enabler’s!

        1. davita says:

          I did not mean to offend; I just meant that I thank you, Purple, for having the courage to speak up…and, I thank Mr. Tudor for posting your comments and allowing you to speak up. <3

          1. Thank you- we must keep it real.

          2. Claudia Z. says:

            Yes, this is true PRH <3

  27. Also……your fuel is right here….the biggest buzz that you will ever feel. I know you will decline…..because it is uncontrolled. Hide away now…run and duck for cover like your kind do but eventually all comes out in the wash (whitewash).You wanted to fly- let’s go!

  28. HG- fancy an interview?????????????

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am always amenable to an interview PRH subject to schedule.

      1. Really? quick reply there HG- lol

      2. I bet you are——you know where it lays- fuel that is!

      3. Good boy, well done HG x

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Do you want to pat me on the head as well?

          1. Nope, you manage that very well on your own in the privacy of your domain πŸ˜€

          2. Okay, let’s talk HG, I will lay down my guns, will you?

          3. Grow up HG have an adult conversation!

          4. HG Tudor says:

            About what?

          5. davita says:

            That’s cute <3

          6. Cute? I keep it real!

          7. davita says:

            I meant it was ‘Cute’ how HG said, “About what?” I thought that was cute.

          8. Lol- see we had a real conversation πŸ™‚

          9. Claudia Z. says:

            Thank you for all your courage in your comments, PRH. I do mean this. And, I am so sorry for your pain.

          10. You are just going to die and you don’t even know the secrets of life!

          11. HG Tudor says:

            Does anyone?

          12. davita says:

            Profound; I like this interview very much, Purpleribbon!

          13. Lol HG will let you know when the interview will occur if he does not reneg, that is πŸ™‚

      4. Okay so here is the schedule- I have to cram the rest of two years work disrupted by your kind. I have until Feb to complete. That means sixty assignments my man just to get my ticket to back up what I speak, even though I can talk the talk and walk the talk. Nursing was my profession until it F*ckn killed my dad and then I gave it the bird HG. I won’t be a signatory to murder! Yeah my moral compass—boring mate! So what do you reck0n HG—do I wait until I keep delivering shit to be up for critique to give the fools what they want—or do we do it before to prove a point— that degree means jackshit and decree is where it lays?????????????????????????????????

      5. Stop being a smartass. They belong eating meat pies at the stadium! Differentiate yourself—–you cannot play two roles for one will sink you.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Again, I have no idea what you are referring to.
          What does “they belong eating meat pies at the stadium!” mean?
          I do not understand your final sentence either.

    2. AH OH says:

      I will interview you too HG. But what can I ask that you have not already answered? I think they would be questions you could not or would not answer.
      I interviewed Joan Kors (Micheal Kors mother) once for a class project. But this was about fashion. A far cry from NPD.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I am sure you can think of something Ah Oh. We could discuss your favourite colour.

        1. AH OH says:

          Now wouldn’t this be interesting.

          What is your favorite color? This would be my first question. I think it is white. Is white a color so to speak?

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I would get your answer first and pick a shade of yours to say that is my favourite. So, let us say you suggest green, I will smile and say that I enjoy a vibrant lime green.
            I don’t think white is a colour is it, since it is a combination of all colours (in terms of light). I am sure I once heard someone say that white and black are not colours.

          2. AH OH says:

            I heard the same about white and black. But I will research it and get back to you on this.
            Lime green? Ah, no! If green were my favorite color, it would be the green you see in a lush forest, or woods, with a stream and the rocks would have the greenish colored moss on top. These would be the greens I would choose.
            I suppose there would be a vibrant lime green in there with all the variations.
            So lime green it is for you Mr. Narc. Could that be because of the Grinch?

          3. HG Tudor says:

            No because I like them in my vodka tonics.

          4. AH OH says:

            I use to drink Vodka, with RedBull. Every weekend while I lived in Texas.

      2. I want to know HG’s height, his weight, the color and texture if his hair, his hair style, his favorite clothing to wear, his fav color, his fav food, and more … 😊

        1. AH OH says:

          Why? He can be all the things you want. Most times the fantasy is best. So let your imagination run. He then becomes your perfect man.

          1. That’s true AH OH! But i don’t have a perfect man. Perfect would be whatever HG is! πŸ˜‰πŸ˜€
            Yes i am romanticizing HG quite a bit, as many of us do, but he helps us so much i feel a kind of attachment towards him. Without him, i would be depressed and lost.

  29. davita says:

    I took it down

  30. davita says:

    Bubblegum… I bet Mister Tudor might not blow bubbles with bubble gum because for some reason I have only known men who cannot blow bubbles. So, it’s nothing personal if you can not, Mister Tudor; it’s just that you are a man, so maybe you cannot blow bubbles…

    1. AH OH says:

      I had an ex who could blow a tiny bubble with the saliva at the tip of his tongue. Wilson H. Standford Graduate in structural engineering. A handsome man but emotionally jacked. I kicked in his door of his Porsche and the cops watched and when he jumped out of the car they raced up and asked him if anything was wrong.I am sure they laughed as this tiny 117 lb spitfire mule kicked the car of this pompous ass prick. He called me a bitch.

      One of my great memories of “do not piss me off.”

      1. davita says:

        I like bubblegum better πŸ™‚

        1. AH OH says:

          Well I liked his tongue at the time. πŸ˜‰

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Easy tiger!

          2. AH OH says:

            No, I am not a Tiger.

          3. HG Tudor says:


          4. AH OH says:

            Perhaps, but it would be more of a roar. Meow is when I want sympathy.

          5. davita says:

            Me, too…but, I’d rather blow bubbles with gum, than saliva…there are the rainbows in the bubbles of saliva

  31. DFA says:

    I am sure yours are gorgeous even in a rage. The color not the intent behind them.

  32. davita says:

    This is very recent pic of my eye, but cannot leave it up due to Lieutenants and FMs …

  33. davita says:

    Mine become much darker because the eye doctor said that my pupils are naturally bigger than normal, thus my eyes appear very dark…but, even when I’m not angry. Movie stars sometimes change or brighten their eye color with contacts.

  34. DFA says:

    Have you seen an empaths change? Not from rage but from an intense emotion

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Love says:

        Do you call them Medusa too?

        1. AH OH says:

          No, he calls them Tits on a Snake. Per Sex and the Narcissist.

      2. Love says:

        Lol oh Mr. Tudor, why do you hate us so?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t hate you Love.

      3. Love says:

        Really Mr. Tudor??? I am so happy to hear that. You already know how I feel about you β€β€β€β€πŸ’—πŸ’—

    2. Again the physiology when around the N. Chemicals, adrenaline etc. Dilation, nor adrenaline, cortisols, hormones blah blah.

      1. #CJ7# says:

        It’s more than chemicals when around a narc alone purple. These physiological changes occuring in our bodies are triggered by so much more than a N in our lives. It’s the same i imagine for Narcs etc too.

        I have blue eyes. But depending on the day and my mood etc which is dependant on an entire host of factors that are entirely unrelated to narcs, I can quite green eyes or a a nice mix of the 2 and I even get yellow rings in my eyes around the purple at times!!

        Now… im not one to come here and advocate for the N’s in the world as they are certainly capable of doing this for themselves…. however the more I read, the more I am getting a very clear picture forming of the fact that you have some serious hostility pent up and perhaps you should consider where you direct this hostility and think about if the other people on here are the ones you really need to be directing you anger and outbursts at or if there is someone else more deserving of it as from what I can tell… no one making comments here has done anything warrenting your anger.

        Perhaps also read what your going to send before sending as its not entirely fluent or making sense all the time. Just some friendly advice is all!!

        Maybe some time away from this environment would do you some good?? Maybe time to look at yourself and sort you out otherwise you will only continue to remain hostile and spiral further downward.


  35. DFA says:

    Do your eyes change when you go into a rage HG? This is the one thing I found interesting, still never bother me it was the energy the person puts out that knocks me on my tail. That is what can be intimidating for me, and at times frieghtening.

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. BraveHeart says:

        HG, just curious, when was the last time you went into a rage, and would you mind sharing why you did and what the outcome was?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It was on the 15th December.
          It was because an ignorant oaf pushed in front of me at a bar and refused to apologise.
          A paramedic.

          1. DFA says:

            Does this happen often, a rage HG? I am very sorry it happened.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Not as sorry as he was.

          3. DFA says:

            That sent shivers down my spine, considering…….

          4. Is it wrong to find this courageous outburst sexy? πŸ˜‰

          5. BraveHeart says:

            Thank you! Just one more question, for now …

            Do you, or have you ever tried to, meditate or just listen to relaxation or meditation music?

            I know, chances are, you don’t have the time now that your blog is such a huge success, but I thought I’d ask anyway.

          6. HG Tudor says:

            I have tried but there is too much to be done BH. I can listen to what you might describe as “soothing” music rather than specifically meditation music when I am fuelled and I am driving or perhaps if I am writing late at night, but I cannot just sit and listen to whalesong etc and do nothing.

          7. BraveHeart says:

            By the way, when you go into a rage like that, how long do the effects stay with you. I’m also going to assume the paramedics were there for the other guy πŸ˜‰

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Hello BH, do you mean how long does the rage last? Until the wound is addressed by fuel. Yes they were for him.

          9. MLA - Clarece says:

            Had something else happened on Dec. 15th, that had you agitated? An intense session with the doctors? It still seems out of character for you to get physical with someone, in a pub, where your public persona is important to maintain for your facade. I understand you said he was rude to you, but you have also said being physically aggressive is beneath you. We’re you already in a state that night looking for a negative fuel fix?

          10. HG Tudor says:

            I am impressed.

          11. MLA - Clarece says:

            You’re impressed that I deciphered getting blood on your hands over some 1/2 drunken d-bag at your usual stopping grounds just rudely pushed into you? Between how methodical you are and your triple-tracking approach to every single move you make and every syllable you utter, that outcome doesn’t match the offense. All humans have “off” days. Sounds like you were actually having one but you’re being evasive on why.
            I’m sure the doctors are all over this though. You don’t need something like that to put you in the spotlight, possibly with authorities for assault (if paramedics were called to the scene). Was there not some issue being investigated which precipitated your therapy to begin with, forced by your family? This will give them fodder. Something had even the Great Mr. Tudor off his game that night. That reaction is beneath you over that reason with someone you don’t even know. Still impressed? Because I found out it to be a no-brainer.

          12. HG Tudor says:

            I was impressed Clarece as nobody else picked up on it. However, this individual barged into me but there is history with this individual so not so much as an off day but a fortuitous confrontation to put him in his place. I know he will not involve the authorities because if he does, he knows I will tell them something which will cause him even greater problems. I keep that information to hand as leverage and it enabled me to dole out what was needed on this occasion (rare as it is) and avoid repercussions.

          13. MLA - Clarece says:

            Ahhh, I see, he had a long overdue comeuppance applied. I highly doubt he’ll be barging into you any time soon.

          14. HG Tudor says:

            Indeed he did Clarece, no he won’t be doing so. It certainly felt cathartic.

    2. Love says:

      One of my narcs told me ‘his brother had said’ that my eyes turned black and evil when I was angry. Hm. Interesting. It couldn’t have been that he abandoned me in the middle of nowhere and I had no way of getting back other than hitch hiking. I exploded when he finally decided to come back for me (with his brother in tow – for added protection). His brother witnessed my meltdown – so henceforth I became Medusa.

      1. They are very typical and so very unoriginal LOVE. So much the same as same as same boring. Nothing special, nothing unique. Who wants a print numbered edition blah bah when you can have the original-lol

      2. Love says:

        Who is the original? I’d like to meet him.

    3. Their heart is pumping and the chemicals change the appearance. Simply physiology not psychology.

  36. MLA - Clarece says:

    H.G., on the 3 settings – the mirror, the void and the hatred, have the doctors ever commented on your eyes? Do they ever say if another setting can evolve from being in treatment?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      They have remarked on it Clarece, this is something which will appear in one of the books I am working on. They have not referred to another setting evolving from treatment.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Which book, so I know to watch for it?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Certainly Clarece,

          Hg Tudor’s Bumper Book of Brownie Baking.

          Sorry, ava101 and Indy appeared in a sphere of influence.

          You will find it in “A Very Social Narcissist”

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Stop triangulating readers, HG!

      2. ava101 says:

        Hahaha, I like that!

  37. Rachlee says:

    eed a laptop for this, not a phone. Too bad I do not have one. I have things to say. Will you answer Romeo’s question? Expanded. How do you feel when we avoid looking in your eyes or what do you think…. What do you feel when we look directly into your eyes? What do you see? How do you feel when we look into your eyes and can see what you are or are not? I find the daily faking tiring and awkward. These people are naive. I no longer am. I see the darkness and it growled at me the other night with black eyes filled with anger. After, watching insidious with my “boyfriend” there were too many odd coincidences… right down to childhood dreams of his and the kid in the movie. I am gifted…. I made the observations and joked about possession or something or hinted at it and he turned to me in the bed looked at me with the darkest eyes I have ever seen filled with rage, the tone of his voice changed and dropped and he growled “Kyle isn’t here anymore” I laughed it off like it was a joke, but it was. not. It. Was. Not. Was Real. I laughed it off but I was so scared even half inside my denial that it almost made me get sick. I need a laptop.

  38. davita says:

    I do not think Narcissism is an exact science; I imagine there are still variables. [Just my opinion]

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I agree.

      1. davita says:

        Thank you

  39. davita says:

    I like deep brown, soulful eyes. Interestingly, the Narcs I have been with had pale blue, green-grey, or hazel. None had beautiful dark brown eyes.

    1. Love says:

      Look into my eyes Davita … Lots of soul and lots of brown 😍

      1. davita says:

        Love, do you have deep brown Eyes? Are you an Empath? I would be happy to look into your lovely eyes!

      2. Love says:

        Thank you Davita. That is very nice of you. I’m a codependent geyser empath with masochistic tendencies. Lol this title will be updated with more adjectives as I am educated further. Stay tuned πŸ˜„

        1. davita says:

          I have BPD Traits [only when I feel abandoned], and am Codependent. I have been enlightened by reading Mister Tudor’s CHAINED. I am too much of a Codependent. My mother was an alcoholic, so it turned me into a Codependents. I have always felt that I am not good enough, therefore only what “I can do for others” is enough. I need to take notes on this book his! I need to remember these things he says in this book! I also feel so much pain when others are in pain that I wish to die if I cannot make things better for them. I am learning than when I feel helpless, I can pray. YAY!! It works!! I also pray for past Narcs, and others, too. I was also groomed from marriage with Histrionic to serve… I even drew his bath water and dried him off, too. I did everything for him, but did not think it was peculiar whatsoever. It’s all I knew.

        2. davita says:


    2. An N is an N regardless of eye colour. Dark brown/black moreso eyes are not beautiful when they are housed in the face of a N to their victim/s. They are flat, black exuding no warmth and reptilian.

      1. davita says:

        I agree.

  40. davita says:

    Thank you for this post, especially the last line about the only three things that are actually there. I would like to understand more about the ‘mirroring’, though, because this is where we get ensnared and painfully hooked. Is there a book that discusses the Mirroring in more detail?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is touched on in Sex and the Narcissist and Fuel.

      1. Claudia Z. says:

        Thank you; perhaps I will decide on it for my next book ~

  41. Hypnotised says:

    Heartbreaking that You still think there is nothing else… I think otherwise…. yes…the stare when unknown is scary and terrifying… thanks to You dear G. it isn’t perceived by me as such anymore…

  42. Lacy says:

    HG, what is your perspective on animals, specifically, pets? Do you like them? Do they provide any kind of fuel for you?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I have no interest in animals and no they do not provide any fuel for me.

      1. Lacy says:

        Do you think that this is typical of your kind or do some adore their pets?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If they do it is to triangulate.

          1. davita says:

            Awwe <3

  43. Bloody Elemental says:

    I love when you write about this subject.

    People always compliment me on how beautiful my eyes are and, at the same time, how unnerving my gaze is. My gaze is penetrating, cold and malevolent. I love watching people squirm uncomfortably as I fix my eyes on them and seem to stare right through them.

    I do not mirror love, compassion, empathy or any of that nonsense because I do not care to. I take measures when necessary to soften my gaze – at times I wear a pair of eye glasses, or there have been times when I have had my bangs cut in such a way that they hide the fullness of my gaze.

    You have said your eyes are blue and I bet they are the coldest, iciest, most stunning colour of blue I can conjure up.

    We should have a staring contest, HG.

    1. MLA - Clarece says:

      What color are your eyes BE?

      1. Bloody Elemental says:

        They are as green as green can be.

        1. davita says:

          They sound wildly stunning.

    2. Do you go into a fight ring Muppet? You don’t intimidate me nor make me squirm. You make me sick.

      1. Bloody Elemental says:

        Well Purple, that is quite likely because you have never had the pleasure of being on the receiving end of my gaze. Pity.

        It pleases me to know I make you sick. It is a violent and vile reaction that I not only relish inspiring in others, but actively encourage.

        I wanted to congratulate you on your comment – it is, by far, the single most coherent and concise thing you have ever written on this forum.

        1. Well thank you and I guess you are just like HG’s matrinarc- never quite good enough due to your false sense of where you are at in your own hierarchy. πŸ˜‰

        2. Don’t even attempt to psycho-analyse me. I am not violent, I have been subjected to violence. I am not vile but I feel it.

          1. Bloody Elemental says:


        3. You think you are the greater and fair enough but you are not my psychopath. I could just as easily give it in and not take my blood thinners. So then my brain stent would try to keep my blood patent until my blood through my brain started to congeal. Platelets started to do their thing, then I died. So much has transpired from my outburst the other night. I am at the end of the line………..thankyou to those who may have deciphered that my head was being was being bashed. Thank you to those who knew I was a little of this and that. Really hard with his abuse. There is a positive here and I shall show you. I keep it real. Thank you and my apologies for lasing out whilst I was being hurt, bruised and bleeding. I used this to keep me sane whilst he was implicitly trying to end my life. xox Purple Ribbon Healing, Ps Thank you to those and you know who you are, that spoke of my courage. To those who judged and minimised abuse you shall probably always do that.

        4. You know what, you think you know my life and you judge. You know nothing of a psychopath!

      2. Bloody Elemental says:

        I have no fucking clue what you are on about, Purple, and as a result, I have lost interest and become incredibly bored in the span of only a few short minutes.

        When you decide to want to have a constructive discussion, complete with actual sentences and thoughts that make sense, do let me know.


        1. Then lose interest- don’t squawk about it!

      3. Bloody Elemental says:

        If you are permitted to unhinge in this forum, then I am most certainly entitled to express my disgust for it.

        Although it is rather entertaining to watch it all unfold. I do love me some good old fashioned chaos.

    3. BraveHeart says:

      Once I was entangled with the ex-MN, I told him I hated looking into his eyes in the beginning because I felt like he was looking right through me and could read my mind. He just laughed and said, “well, maybe I can”. Wholly hell, if I only knew then what I know now … it’s incredible what power those damn eyes have and how they can turn off all of ones senses to reality!!!

  44. DFA says:

    The eyes have never bothered me in the way that produces fear or intimidation.
    What I see is different. I believe everything is made of energy.
    Energy in its self is neither good or evil it is postive and negitive. And both can be used to produce good or evil. It is the perspective of people that determines if what is done is good or bad. I do believe we are created to carry one or the other perspective.
    Now i dont agree with thier methods, yet it goes with their perspective of being right and to mine very wrong.
    This is where a choice is made to continue on or to change things for onesself.
    In nature there is always the hunter and the prey. Why people think things are different for us is beyound me.
    HG thank you for always showing your perspective honestly, sorry for running with my thoughts and perspective.

  45. carmenirlanda says:

    HG Tudor! Is this true???This reading gave me chills and brought tears in my eyes!Even now I’m writing this email with tears in my eyes. .But you are not Satan Β are nor entirely Evil . You are human that means you can be saved from this evil behaviour and start behaving better!You are not entirely Evil and far beyond any possibility to be saved from evil. Think about it!Β Unless you deliberately choose to Β be and stay evil.Then you have no excuse. Your punishment awaits you!Regards

    Sent from Yahoo Mail on Android

    1. Yes it’s true.

  46. Hhmmm

    So the MN I see everything you describe. One of his lieutenants I see only coldness (also an N).

    Another N. Maybe on a secondary scale (in terms of relationship with me) I mostly only see a naughtiness which I’ve seen in others too. Are you telling me that I see only my own naughtiness (a cheeky one) in his eyes ???

  47. Romeo says:

    How does a narcissist feel when we avoid looking in there eyes when having a conversation?

    1. Bloody Elemental says:

      I feel powerful and it reaffirms that I have complete control.

      I get off on knowing that I make you so nervous/fearful/uncomfortable that you cannot bear to look into my eyes.

      1. Power? You have got to be kidding right? Intimidator’s are self defeated bullies. Do you fist fight at all with people your size or would you line yourself up for the kicking of a lifetime? No! Cowards are everywhere, how bloody elemental!

      2. Bloody Elemental says:

        Purple, you are so right! Cowards ARE everywhere. I am surrounded by them on the daily and it disgusts me.

        I am not a member of a fight club or ring, as you suggested in an earlier comment to me and no, I do not make a habit of “fist fighting” with people my own size, bigger or smaller.

        I do not wish to suffer the consequences associated with physical violence against another, so I tend not to indulge very often.

        Now see, I congratulated you on your last comment because it was concise, clear and made sense. Then your above comment happened.

        Clearly, I jumped the gun.

      3. BraveHeart says:

        B.E., before I was entangled by my ex-MN (my boss), I had a hell of time looking him directly in his eyes whenever we talked on a more personal level. I could make complete eye contact when it was work related, but if we were just talking about the “amazing” chocolate cake he had at a fancy restaurant the night before, I could not do it. I “always” felt uncomfortable and nervous, until he ensnared me and then I could not stop looking him in the eyes. I know for a fact he felt powerful having the use of his eyes to intimidate others with and he definitely had 99% of his employees fearful of him. I never feared him, in fact, early on, I thought he’s not all he thinks he is, and now I believe that’s exactly the reason he came after me – I was a challenge to him. I even remember during the early days of trying to look him in the eyes during personal talk, I would turn to look away and then back again, only to find him still be staring at me in the most uncomfortable way. That was constant in the beginning. God, if only I had listened to my instincts, but at least I feel like I’ve also learned a valuable lesson from that man. Never again, will that trick be used on me.

    2. Triad says:

      There is always the seductive technique of gently lifting his head from underneath if he was looking down, catching and holding his gaze, and in a soft but strong voice, “Look at me.” If the situation calls for that level of intensity, and if either he is defeated or despairing, or we are.

      This was very useful during a necessarily harsh instance of disarming and unmasking another sociopath (a Mid-Ranger) of good and long standing. He is now having to explore his new knowledge about himself but seems to be adapting well to it.

      Else if a minor situation the person might just be dinged later on in a small way for not giving me his full presence.

  48. Left4dead says:

    I saw the void and it still frightens me to this day. Totally unemotional, void of any feelings whatsoever. I was in a total melt down, she had no reaction, like she wasn’t there. After she ran over me with her vehicle, she calmly walked to me lying on the ground bleeding, told me I broke her door handle, then walked away got back into her vehicle and drove away. She left me on the ground and hasn’t spoken physically since.

    1. You too- no use saying I am sorry but you are not alone. Cold killers, I will not believe otherwise. I am sorry that they cannot be sorry to the people who deserve for them to be accountable. I was injured after he dropped me off on the side of the road, but before I could close the door properly he flew off knocking me onto a major arterial road. Other drivers (heavy looking dudes twice his size) saw it and pulled in to assist. I should never have stopped them flying after him, telling them it was no use he would lie his way out of anything. Lots of regrets-

  49. Adele says:

    Ive seen that darkness but ive also seen a glimmer of childlike hope in them too. I think every person with npd is different, but with main things in common. I dont think every narc is completely void of emotion. Ill never believe that. Maybe thats my downfall in life believing in the good. It is a spectrum and there are some that still can feel emotion and not just mirror others. I believe my narc is one of them. Does that mean he will change his ways? No i dont think so. I think its very unlikely, sad as it is. I do think they envy our good qualities and end up resenting us for them, which are the very attributes that they found attractive.

    *off topic*Id read an article about narcissists and that their sense of smell was not strong. This blew me away bc my narc had told me he cant smell things very well. Must be some truth to that

  50. Still Confused says:

    There was something unsettling in his eyes. I saw it, felt it, the day I met him. It was fast and fleeting. I wasn’t able to bring it into focus before it was gone. So…I shrugged it off…whatever it was. Just something off. I should have run.

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