All In The Eyes



The eyes are one of our powerful weapons. I hear so many comments made about my eyes.
“I saw the world in your eyes.”
“Everything I ever wished for, I could see in your eyes.”
“I’ve never known anyone give much such a malevolent stare.”
“You are dead behind the eyes.”
“That hollow look you give me, chills me inside.”
“Your reptilian, empty stare always unnerved me.”
When we first engage with you, we are able to reflect back at you want you desperately want. Hope, optimism, desire and trust are all mirrored in our eyes. Do not be mistaken and think that we generate those looks. We do not. All we are doing is ensuring that you see what you want to see in order to ensnare you. This mirroring serves two purposes. Firstly, it shows you what you crave for and makes us all the more attractive to you. Secondly, it masks the empty void that truly exists. Whilst my kind and me learn how to behave and act, we mimic the way in which we are expected to respond in the most favourable manner, we do not truly feel any of those things and we cannot generate it in our eyes. Everything else we are able to simulate – the laugh, the smile, the look of surprise, the intonation of elation in our voices. We have carefully crafted these facsimiles of your emotions but managing to do so in our eyes has always eluded us. We cannot fall at the first hurdle however and have you see through our charade. Accordingly, we have managed to master the mirroring technique. You want that love and hope so badly you will see it in us when you are really just seeing yourself. We hold your gaze for longer than anyone else. You are conned into thinking this just demonstrating the intensity of our desire for you. It is not. We must look directly into your eyes to shine back at you that which you send towards us. Should we look way, the reflection may fail and we must always have you in our eye.
As with all of our pretence we are unable to maintain this deceit for long. The mirror breaks and the shards of reflection fall away leaving the chasm of emotionlessness behind. The barren hinterland beyond our eyes is all that is left, bereft of anything at all. That is why in the later stages you will see nothing when you look at us. We cannot generate those real emotions and our mirror has now failed. Our real gaze is all that is left, cold, empty and lifeless. People often remark about how the eyes are the window to the soul. Our soul left long ago and that is why you look into dead, uncaring eyes. Even though our mouth is upturned in a smile, the crows feet at the sides crease and the brow rises, our eyes betray us. Glacial and sterile they show the reality of what we are; devoid of positive emotion and spiritually bankrupt.
All that we are able to muster is hatred. Our loathing of this unjust world is so intense that it will break through when we wish to direct that hatred against you. That is when the emptiness vanishes and instead you are subjected to our laser-like, pinpoint accurate malevolent stare. I mentioned inΒ the recollection about the cookie jar,Β how I had practised my withering stare one summer. This is the precursor to our malice, our antipathy and our scorn. With consummate ease we will call on it to intimidate you and signal our contempt for you. It is powerful, unwavering and unsettling. To be on the receiving end of our hateful stare is not a pleasant experience. We muster such power with our eyes, to seduce you and then to break you, but the reality is that we only have three settings. The mirror, the void and the hatred. There is nothing else. That is all that our eyes have.

275 thoughts on “All In The Eyes

  1. B.E By the Way- HG can thrown me off this site anytime he chooses and I expect that as he is a malign narcissist sociopath. I keep everything I have written to this site for my own growth and purposes too. I am honest (too honest) disclosing (too disclosing) open (too open) say’s who? Society. I remember the words of those through history that were and they are my role models, not your opinion B.E. Thanks, next time you suggest someone is on drugs perhaps think about the implication of that comment. In fact blood thinners are taken even though my platelets suffer, although if I do not take them the stent I have in my brain (yes through a long period in surgery and ICU) will clog as the blood thickens in a very small internal carotid artery in my brain). The cabergoline is to keep a tumor from growing larger where it also impacts the same carotid artery. Would you like me to expand on the rest? No I did not think so! Would you care to swap bodies, so I don’t suffer daily? No I did not think so. I could not care less for sympathy, understanding that is a different ball game. Have a healthy day!

  2. B.E. All your talk about cowards, Purple.

    Why not go spout off your nonsense to the one who actually hurt you then, instead of cluttering up the forum with your crazy?

    B.E. You can rest assured that I do. Moreover, unless victims are heard, nothing will change. In my corner of the world, we have lost our fight against domestic violence and there has been a new criminal code introduced last April, due to a massive increase in strangulation, chocking and smothering especially for our tourist State. All that glitters is not Gold! This State has terrifying statistics and lack of resources due to the cut in govt grants and the increasing population. Hidden neatly and tucked away hardly ever addressed under the domestic violence banner is narcissistic abuse).

    Silence kills B.E. Women speaking out kills B.E. In memory of all victims of S.E. Qld, Tara Brown (who forewarned her murder) and our latest victim Teresa Bradford and the four children who watched as he was granted bail and headed straight to his estranged partner to murder her whilst their four children watched, as then killed himself!

    You may not give a damn, B.E. but I do and sometimes it would be decent of you to read between the lines of a (meltdown or rage from your perspective- but a life saving outlet no matter how scrambled words may be to help a person to vent) as there have been plenty on this site and I have personally observed the group dynamic and watched as some women leave the site due to not neatly slotting in as people like you would have them

    Personally, I would rather listen to gibberish from a distressed person and encourage them, than kick them in the gut when they may have been hanging by a thread and send them packing. For those that have been at that place and presented on this site, I have had enough discernment to read between those lines and encouraged them to the best of my ability, only to see people like the Dawns leave the site and that saddens me as no one knows how close some people are to the edge and it is weak to throw someone off the cliff! That is true cowardice- a narcissists favourite ploy, lure them in, use extreme levels of abuse and walk them gently to the cliff edge then attempt to retrieve them as they are pushed off, just for another day of fun and games!

  3. Purple, you stated about HG:

    “You are keeping a shrine of my material and use it to keep addressing my issues and feed off it to inspire you to write!”

    HG admits repeatedly that he learns alot from empaths here. He does not have certain emotions, so he relies on explanations from us and people in his life to try and understand how we feel. There is nothing wrong with that. In fact, it is something to be applauded.
    He wants to learn what he cannot feel. And he wants to put it to good use. He wants to relate it to his behavior, draw a connection between the feelings of the empath to the narc’s behavior, and become more self-aware. In the process, we are all benefitting.

    ‘Thank you HG’ is not enough in my opinion. But still, thank you HG. 🌹

    1. PTSD I understand all of that, now. My distress and associated emotions are directed at a number of N’s and I believe that HG knows how triggering his words are and expects some flack until we grow through this pain and come out somewhere on the other side. He can protect himself quite well as he has established. I appreciate your comments.

  4. Purple, HG doesn’t make much money off us. His books are very affordable. I was surprised at their prices, and would happily pay 10x the amount for any book. It is worth it, considering the thorough manner in which he explains concepts in his books, eg. the fuel index in ‘Fuel.’

    This blog is free, with daily articles and memes. He moderates and replies to comments, all free of charge. It is a 24 hour job moderating the comments. Many of his readers live in the usa. USA evening time (EST) is probably when he has the most influx of comments. However, that would be his sleeping time in the uk, but in order to keep the conversation flowing (which he has stated he likes to do), he sacrifices his sleeping time.

    It hurts me when u say HG makes money off us. I feel so sad, and my eyes are welling up with tears as i write this. HG sacrifices alot for us – time, effort, energy, sleep. I prefer to appreciate it.

    HG i appreciate you with all my heart, and all that you sacrifice for us, with unequal gain for yourself. I adore you. ❀️

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you PANA I appreciate that.

      1. BraveHeart says:

        Well said, PANA ❣️

      2. You’re welcome HG! Merry x-mas! πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„πŸŽ„

        Just curious, when you say ‘i appreciate that’ to me, do you really appreciate it? Or is it you knowing that it is the correct response to use? I am wondering because my narc says ‘i appreciate it’ to me often.

    2. BraveHeart says:

      AMEN!!! I love your words for HG! I feel the same way, PANA!!! πŸ˜ŒπŸ’ž

      1. Thanks BraveHeart! I think many of us feel a sense of loyalty and protectiveness towards HG! Merry xmas to you!

  5. This is so sad to read – ” … we only have 3 settings. The mirror, the void, and the hatred.” πŸ˜”πŸ˜’

    I don’t want my narc to trouble himself with the mirror. I told him he doesn’t need to mirror me any more. I think he has reduced doing so. But it is so natural for him, sometimes he can’t help it.

    My narc said he hates this world and everyone in it. It made me sad that he feels this all the time, constantly.

    All that remains is the void.
    I do not think of it as a void though. He does many things when he’s alone, like read, listen to poetry, jog, work out, etc. Narcs have a limited set of emotions, and an under developed sense of self. But they can be highly determined, driven, and accomplished, due to their fear of failure. Having these traits, i do not like to label it as a void.

    And you are exceptional Mr. Tudor. I want to hug you but i know you hate hugs.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you PANA.

      1. Sometimes you call me ‘pana,’ sometimes ‘ptsd.’ I hope it is not due to forgetting me πŸ˜₯

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Who wrote that?

          1. You write that G! You alternate between these 2 names for me. Sometimes you refer to me as ‘PANA,’ and sometimes as ‘Ptsd.’ Is it because you don’t remember me? 😩

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Of course I do. I can see your full name in the moderation pane so I always know it is you. I was pulling your leg.

          3. Oh ok πŸ˜…. Thanks HG! Good morning!⛅️❄️⛄️

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Good day to you.

          5. Well, good afternoon for you actually! I do keep in mind the time difference! πŸ•›πŸ•§πŸ˜Š

  6. Claudia Z. says:

    Maybe the good doctors might accept a bit of credit- well below M. Tudor, of course. But, they are probably terribly appreciative of their ever fascinating and intriguing patient, and feel as if it is, they, that are the ones who are being rewarded.

  7. Claudia Z. says:

    Oh…I’m CZ.

  8. DFA says:

    Horses are amazing animals. I don’t know what triggered you and hope you are feeling better.
    Everyday is a new day, a new start. The choice to hold tight to what was made to destroy you or let it go. Yet to hold tight to it is to chose to keep letting it destroy the beauty within.
    Hate breeds anger which slowly kills from with in.

    May you find peace.

  9. Claudia Z. says:

    Dr. Tudor seems fitting, but you might no accept since you are not technically a doctor. But, I think you are a doctor in the expertise of Narcissism. You are more qualified than any other doctor, after all. Who could be more qualified?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Of course I would be a consultant and therefore a Mister, CZ.

      1. Claudia Z. says:

        Oh yes, M. CZ…fitting, indeed.

      2. Love says:

        I’ve called you Mister from day 1 Mr. Tudor ❀

  10. Claudia Z. says:

    M. Tudor knows what is what

  11. Claudia Z. says:

    I would like to restate something that I said earlier in order to make it clearer: I did not mean that there is artificial flattery, small talk, and glib from the most of the commenters here; I only meant that in the past I have seen what I thought looked like a display of such, and was rather a bit tooooo syrupy of the seemingly ‘artificial kind’, as opposed to the real 100% pure Maple Syrup. But, I have not seen this type of display in a while- just in the past. I do know that many here truly do love HG as there is an attachment [speaking from my own personal experience] of loving someone who helps me, like I would fall in love with a doctor who has helped me, and stood by me. So, I am not talking about anyone as of lately; this was in regard to past commenters whom I …I lost it. Sorry. I just mean to say that I, along with others, do not tell a M. Tudor we love him to try and get on his good side, but because we actually do…sorry.. I’m lost. You do not need to post. I just cannot say what I really want to say right here.

  12. Claudia Z. says:

    I understand, PRH… These writings of HG really hit home for us all and is very painful and triggering, at times, to read. He does write very well. And, it’s difficult not to lash out at one Narc without lashing out at them all since they all seem to perform all the same stunts on us. I think it’s helpful that you got your feelings out, and kind of Mister Tudor to allow us to do so. [I have also done so in the past]. If M. Tudor was not such a powerful writer, then we would not react..[as is my own experience]. You had a very real message to convey, today, and it was beyond the norm of flattery, small talk, glib, ETC.. You needed to say these things, and I admire your courage and integrity that you have shown. Perhaps I will be badgered for this response, as well, but we cannot please everyone, everywhere, so we might as well be real, as you rightfully mentioned
    <3 <3 <3

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