Bah Humbug!

bah-humbug

 

“It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” so sang somebody who I do not recall about Christmas. No it is not. There is little doubt that the Grinch belonged to our club. We hate Christmas and that means that it is going to be awful for you as well. In fact, any kind of celebration will result in you dreading the day as it appears and you are walking on eggshells throughout the entirety of the day. What should be enjoyable for everyone becomes a nightmare and it is one of our deliberate creations.

The ghastliest thing about Christmas is the concept of giving. Don’t get me wrong, if you want to engage in giving, be my guest, so long as it is towards me and nobody else. Do not expect me to reciprocate either. Christmas requires effort and we don’t do effort. Writing Christmas cards, shopping for gifts (did you not read the chapter above about giving you gifts?), preparing food, visiting people, entertaining people and putting up with relatives for days on end. No thank you. If you want to put all the effort in to doing this, you can go ahead. In fact, I would rather you did so that I can come in and provide the final flourish to the Christmas tree or sail in and sit at the head of the table with all the food prepared and set out so I can engage in regaling all assembled with my anecdotes about how marvellous I am.

You might think  that I might see Christmas as an opportunity to identify and extract new forms of supply. This can occasionally happen but it is not the promise of potent fuel that you might expect. First and foremost, Christmas is for children and they are the black holes of fuel. I might attend somebody’s party on Boxing Day and be engaged in amazing them with some of my standard tales as I aim to seduce them when some rug rat will appear and tug at my target’s skirt. Her attention will switch to little Johnny and my efforts have dissipated as she goes off to find him a slice of cake or take him to the toilet. Some of the games where I hold centre stage at an adults’ gathering become ineffectual as I am annoyingly upstaged by a precocious brat with their rendition of Silent Night causing cooing from those assembled. Alternatively, one of the youngsters attending decides to start crying and thus attention turns to him or her to try and placate and soothe the bawling child. That attention should be focussed on me, not him or her. I find it galling to say the least.

What troubles me considerably is the fixation with a fictional fat fellow in a red suit. Write a letter to Santa. Santa is watching so you had better be good. Visit one of Santa’s helpers. Make some mince pies for him and leave them out. Stop going on about bloody Santa, he does not even exist. I exist but it is hard work trying to compete with Father Christmas. I become so infuriated with the fuss that is made about him and I have yet to work out a decent smear campaign that might bring him down, the jovial rotund chap seems impervious to a good character assassination. I am still working on that though.

I used to get a kick out of telling my younger siblings that Father Christmas did not exist causing them to cry. I still remember that warm feeling that would flow over me as I watched the tears flow from them. The red faces, scrunched up as I pointed out with hard fact after hard fact as to how he could not exist. I was always punished for this but it was worth it. People need to know the truth about certain things.

I think I dislike Christmas so much because it tends to usurp much of my abilities, not something I like to admit but there it is. I am about everything that is shiny and new, I dangle the glittering baubles in front of you to lead you by the nose into my fantasyland. What does Christmas do? It insists on having trees decked out in shiny baubles and bright lights. Houses are festooned with twinkling, glittering lights. Tinsel abounds and wreaths, stockings and garlands demand attention. The radio emits an incessant parade of festive songs; which people would rather listen to than my tales of excellence. The demands of preparation ensure people are too preoccupied with organising all of those things when they should be directing their attention to me. They are ringing friends, other family members and arranging visits. You spend your time saying how you have not seen people for so often and you then divert your attention to them. I have spent all year trying to keep you isolated and part from your networks and Christmas comes barging in ruining my entire endeavour.

I react the only way I know. With disdain, criticism and nastiness. I refuse to participate in activities, I will not help with the preparation, and I do my utmost to avoid having people visit unless I can be sure they will give me the fuel I demand. I am content to attend parties, especially if children are unlikely to be there, this provides me with some hope as I stalk the room sucking up fuel from every available source of admiration. I break gifts; I hide them and turn my nose up at them in order to prompt a reaction. I mess with the controls on the cooker in the hope of spoiling Christmas lunch so a scene develops. I do love the drama of an undercooked turkey. I will try and embrace your sister inappropriately under the mistletoe and then blame her for being drunk. I must admit that despite all my endeavours it is a difficult period to get through. You remain frighteningly cheerful at times and there is too much going on which detracts from the attention I want.

I hate Christmas and I will routinely do as much as I can to spoil it for you as well. You have to work hard to keep it on course. Sometimes it will work and sometimes it will not. There are occasions where the best I can hope for is to sit and sulk and make a mental note of all the things you do during this period that offend me and bring them up once your family have departed and no more friends will be calling round. Alone and cornered I can reassert my superiority and control. I won’t enjoy Christmas so do not waste your time trying to make sure that I do and watch out, because I will be trying to derail it for you. Bah humbug!

 

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49 thoughts on “Bah Humbug!”

  1. This is really funny! I got some good chuckles out of this. Your sense of humor is second to none, HG. Merry Christmas!!!

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  2. LOL..the smear campaign cannot bring down Santa…lol.. I always say that if there was a Santa Claus, he is not very fair to give some children gifts, but not many gifts [or, none at all] to the poverty-stricken children. Perhaps this is the basis for the ruins of the Santa reputation.

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  3. You should be like me and stick to your guns. I finally have my family trained and they do not bug me about x-mas. But if I do want to participate, I am welcomed.

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  4. I always wondered why I dreaded the holidays when I was with my ex narc. He stopped getting me gifts or even wishing me a merry christmas after the first year. I walked on eggshells and it was never a celebratory time. HG, thanks for enlightening me. It now all makes sense.

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  5. I’ve just come inside from hours of snow sculpting my usual Wicca “ode” to Dec 25th…(not SC). This year HG…Odin and his 8 legged horse…&…he’s a beaut… 😉 . Jan 31…I will remove samples of earth from all four corners of my property and they will be brought inside and be placed by the fire to be blessed then returned the following morning to their places again.
    The pots will boil and bubble, but I won’t be looking for trouble…yet.
    I haven’t mentioned my husband in a while.
    He broke his 7 week silence with a card in the mail arriving on schedule Dec 23rd…and then a follow up email. yes…I had been writing him in between…and yes, he expects it and yes, I know we will pay for it, we always do.

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  6. Again good read , made me laugh but some very serious undertones in there .. you seem to lift the fog / confusion a little thrn it on its head and make it almost funny .. I suppose some aspects are when you take a step back..it’s like spinning plates .. also who knows what goes on behind the eyes ..

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  7. We don’t celebrate this thing they call a holiday. But my narc do get a kick out of telling people how silly they look for spending money, on toys their kids is going to break. But his favorite holiday is Black Friday. He would be the one who would start the fights, and then act like he’s the innocent one.

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    1. Yes LST, Black Friday is a great day if you are in the mood to brawl.
      Wal-Mart is normally the best place for a good ol’ knock down, drag out. The customers are hardcore. Gotta bulk up beforehand.

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  8. Celebrating almost 8 weeks of the silent treatment/discard today. The holiday didn’t trigger my narc to contact me and our son. His birthday has come and gone with no feelings of being compelled to contact him. I think about him less and less and hearing through the grapevine of his fits to ruin his families Christmas bounced right off me. I’m starting to feel free. Happy holidays everyone and I hope all of you have a narc free New Year.

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  9. Ohh this made me laugh HG !. I was going to post a serious comment but I don’t want to spoil the illusion of you sitting your bolthole plotting a smear campaign against a fictional bearded fat man in a red suit !
    Classic !

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  10. Well a Sants smear campaign could begin with the fact that he drags his big bag around stalking and peeping in on children, is an old man who lures young children with the promise of toys if they will only sit on his knee and whisper in his ear, employs only elves who appear child-like (with their height in relation to him suspect), and he spends entirely too much time in the garage where there is rope and duct tape with 8 reindeer. I mean really-all the signs are there.

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  11. Oh my god, Christmas must be hunting time. I just got hoovered by my ex husband that I left in 97. He keeps trying too…a couple times a year. I’ve ignored him several times, went no contact off and on for years, mainly off and took him off my facebook. Still he sends a message. So I got hoovered by two exes this Christmas. 😳

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    1. INDY

      2 hoovers! Well its no wonder-you do sound lovely, but do you think it might also have something to do with serving up those souls of little babies in the form of biscuits and gravy?

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      1. Hi PTSD, NA, and 1Jaded1,

        Yeah, two exes for the price of one holiday!! Thanks for your support and I have maintained NC with both. Thanks to HG’s knowledge and you all holding me accountable 🙂 I have maintained NC!!

        No, PTSD, this is not my son’s father, this was the only man I ever married (post my son’s father). I think he is a combo of things, not a full on narcissist. Though there are several potential traits for it or a general PD. He has stalked me for a very long time, fake attempted a suicide to keep me from divorcing him, had an emotional affair behind my back (I think more), he liked to pick on my upbringing (he was from Ivy League family with a “reputation”–***rolls eyes**, loved to buy people’s affections, and smeared me when I left). However, he also seemed very attached to me, his love seemed genuine, and he would follow me in my career rather than him taking the lead. For example, he left his home state to follow me to the South to go into a doctoral program rather that go for his dream in another state. (HOwever, some of that was used as fuel for guilt after). He didn’t gas light me or call me names. He didn’t cancel plans. He did tease me a bit meanly, with regard to social status (his family tried to “Cinderella” my image…you know, teach me the proper cocktail dress, hair, etc…I wasn’t having it. I can turn out nicely, I have no need for a Stepford wife make over. He also had a seriously image conscious family…I mean, very “Harvardish”. He didn’t ruin birthdays or holidays. Sex remained constant. So, I think he has traits, but not fully. Yeah, he contacted me too, lol.

        NC NC NC, yeah you know me, I am down with NC NC NC (Sung to the OPP tune).

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    2. Indy

      HG says while they hate Christmas it IS a fuel-fest thus the hunting/hoovering I guess. Too many an Empath read that as nostalgia and them having feelings for us which we know logically is untrue but hope springs eternal in an Empath. Even I was contacted by a previous but I know his daughter was to be married Dec 23rd so he had the double whammy of Christmas and a Wedding to contend with. I gave him what I believed to be sufficient fuel to not ruin her wedding but who knows how that went. The empath side of me wanted to do something for her but the narcky side of me likes reeling him in for punishment later so its a bit confusing to understand for some I suppose. I know that your situation with these men is different in that you had a lot more invested and in your professional capacity know the right thing, so I ask: Is it still despite what you know from experience and your work that you still hold out hope that they can change and that is what pulls at you? Or is it that it’s just not in your nature to ignore because it feels mean? Perhaps neither. If anyone could handle a hoover it would be you, given your knowledge and yet we know that is a dangerous game and so you have resisted to this point but I sense you struggle still.

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  12. So true the bitter resentment toward Christmas and turning ovens down, disappearing acts of now you see me, now you don’t that I thought I would completely eliminate the N this year but I did not have to lift a finger, he did it himself! He assumed to be a mind reader and read it so very wrong this year. All alone 2016 for him, so he could have spared himself his plots and schemes as they did not play out. Yes, there was going to be revenge, of course but that backfired too! The most handsome backfire I never expected! I arrived home to seeing my parrots cage standing empty without my parrot in place. Yes, she did a (gaol break?) but usually she just dances at the top of her cage, showing off. He does not like her and the feelings mutual from her side of things where she would prefer to give him a good nip drawing blood if she can get close enough to him! Alas there she was the in black of night in the tallest of gums answering as soon as I called for her. The skies were rumbling and lightening was the light show that would prevent her from leaving the place she stood perched up high and yes, it cost me a great deal of concern for her but she was not going to move until she felt safe to do so. I rose early with the birds and the next day was spent calling her name throughout the neighborhood and her answering but as the winds came in and the closest she was to coming down low enough on a palm tree to come to me the winds and prevailing storm sent her circling the sky to a larger corridor of trees. The thought of her soaked out there and hungry was troubling but Christmas Day had been swapped for Christmas eve and there was another get together planned but nothing that bothered me. Father bothered son and before I knew it son had left his plans to come help rescue the bird that is very fond of him- very noble of our son but unnecessary to pull our son from where he was. The night went by and she had made her way down the road to another tall tree and she was tiring of answering and most likely very weary. The morning dawned again and there she was in the tree still trying to dry out and fluffed up. My son and the N took the small ladder down the road as I again gathered up seed to shake and her bell toy on a rope. They were down there as I walked out of the house and saw another person with them. By time I reached the tree I was met by a complete stranger that had apparently asked N if he had a lost a dog? Turns out the handsome (really handsome quietly spoken man) had actually outshone any attempt with the ladder and simply climbed the very large tree using only his physique-really nice physique-lean but muscular, tall and WOW). I arrived amazed as the story was told by N and the stranger had got to the highest point he could then bent down the bow of the tree somehow coaxed her to a tree of smaller height. The ladder now in place and the stranger getting wraps from me about how she had been out for two days stood aside grinning and the eye contact WOW. We argued who would get up the ladder as I said to the N, I will go up you can’t as he replied, she doesn’t like me as he lost face. They commenced to hold the ladder and I went straight to the top asking son and N to keep it secure until N said, No it’s too high (Yeah I know why- I had a dress on). The stranger looks at him comes over and softly says, it’s okay I have got this 😉 ) I said, I don’t know how this will go, she doesn’t know you and again, piercing eye contact. He stands up there patiently and follows my instructions how to place his hand toward her and I am talking to her. She nips out at him, he does not flinch. He remains and allows her to bite him, as he takes his other hand and free stands bending the bow gently then places his right hand around her and brings up his left to secure her. He hands her to my son who squawks out carrying her back as she was biting him. This stranger out of nowhere and blood from where he has been nipped I could only apologise. Thank you, so very very much I said, you have made my Christmas! He strolled up the road smiling at me as N and son were being loud and yelling for me to open the door. See, Santa does exist! Ho Ho Ho. Then came the insults and the preposterous proposals that (I need a man like that and how he would suit me and then as N drank some more whiskey out come the absurd that he would be happy if I had a man like that and we should marry)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL LOL LOL I think he may have something to say about that!!!!!!!!

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  13. Thank you Love! She is very precious as is my other orphan. She was left by her parents or someone may have got her and got sick of her and discarded her and the finder thought she was a white kitten. From there she was hard work and crop fed with a voice like Linda Blair in the Exorcist! She was crop fed for months as they live until about 70 years of age and it has been very trying and like dealing with an infant, then the cot stage and infant birds bite and teeth (beak grinding) as do young babies. She has learned alot in her first year of life and mimicked my voice and believes my name is the name I called my horse up. She calls me (Ebby Girl- and I if I sneak to the toilet I have to be extra quiet as she calls it out until I answer her. When I drive up or out of the drive out she calls my name in her perception endlessly. She has also learned (ahh uhh *naughty because she bites) She knows (No No No) She calls my german shepherd, then says (ahh uhh, no no no koda=Dakoda. She calls her own name Bonnie Girl, That a girl, Good Girl and that is pretty good for a one year old. She gives (kiss kiss and hokds her beak to me and then she settles). A handful, under threat at times from N. He attempts endlessly to destroy every relationship I have with people and animals. I am sorry for the sketchy story but decided to build a new wordpress of truth and then those that do not understand, may access it but it is deeply triggering and will come with a warning. Thank you for keeping in touch and I shall release myself of this burden and allow the public to judge me and if they do then I know that all of his tricks and negligence, tricks and game is up for public review. I know the truth and stand in the truth, as that is all that is left of me and I endeavour to aid others who have been seriously systematically abused to speak out and demonstrate the holes in our system that should be fully protecting us from such life altering and destructive harm from those who lead a double life.
    [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcpMzxqVtqA&w=560&h=315%5D

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  14. No that is not me in the video but yes wildlife carers are amazing! My N hates me so much for my connection with animals and people. He hates me and says he will spit on my body when I die. He is callous and difficult on every level and does not yield one inch. No compromise, no closure, no accountability, no oerson that I fell in love with. That person was an imitator and he has committed serious crimes and I shall put it out to the universe and lately have the support that I require to have him recognised for the barbaric treatment of one woman (myself yet so strong and so resilient and he has deliberately used a system that I can define and most lof what HG describes because I have lived it and because I have bled from it and he is violent and out of control to hold onto control if that makes sense.

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  15. He is very brazen, he sneaks around the law unlawfully. He manipulates people and he developed a little army that do not know me and will not heed my advice and when he crashes the work vehicle and kills someone, I will stand in the court of this land and testify how this company was warned and was advised by others how dangerous he is and continue to ignore the warning signs and his attempts to unnerve me and intimidate me by claiming brazenly that he has raped women and that he has killed. Then he say’s it is only a joke. Then someone dies and I get a call to my voicemail with his voice that says- GO FOR YOUR LIFE, GET RID OF HER! He should not be using his company the way that he is and stating bizarre confessions. The content of the abuse will be spoken of in my new blog called Warrior.

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      1. Fly away is how I cope, I live in flight and when he presents himself I live in both fight and flight. There are some considerations and responsibilities that I have that keeps me bound but I am working on that and he has taken so much of me’, that openly rewarding him with all I have would mean departing myself from those that I love. The greed and winner takes all, is his objective and it is complicated, not an easy do. Seriously, HG said it all in these similar words- Only death of one will end it. That is true and from a narcissist sociopaths perspective but I fear that I am dealing with something far more sinister than a narcissist although he is matched to everything HG writes to an extreme. There is urgency in his actions and a complete addiction to control on every level eg: he removes toilet paper, removes life sustaining requirements. Cuts down access eg: Hides vehicle and forces hardship when there is no cause to do so to to the point I was forced to buy another vehicle. Threatens to tamper with the vehicle, and believe me wherever and whenever it will occur be it in the present or the future. He practices and then acts out yet gaslights if caught practicing then his revenge is warranted from his perception. He is forceful, extremely violent to the point that I have no hesitation in saying he has the potential for much more. He takes high risks and appears to have no fear in doing so when it is so cutting edge mocking the law. His personality is Jeckyll Hyde, it worries me there is something more to it that is hidden from the world. He vehemently denies what he said, only seconds before and it is bizarre to watch play out to the point he is actually arguing with what he just stated and projecting it onto me and furiously coming in with like another voice of reason, reasoning and yelling, blaming me and it seems like Korsakoffs Dementia.

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      2. Thanks and I am returning one to you 🙂 This afternoon he has ripped me to pieces, taken me by surprise and shocked the sh*t out of me. I am still running my recorder and it is out of this world shocking. He is going to get a big surprise as soon as my connection gets back of holidays. Here I am being set upon whilst he is showing a different fascade to gain sympathy from his boss, telling her that he can’t keep being late it causes problems! This company will feel the utter embarrassment of someone they do not know and someone who has manipulated the company to the point that I am being played with by a psychopath and I can say psychopath now comfortably. I know what he is and his rules and all that does not matter anymore to me. He is annihilating me for sport. May his company of props soon realise they could have but did not heed the warning. <3

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      3. PRH, i have never uploaded to youtube but if anyone else here has, pls offer your advice to PRH. A private youtube channel sounds like an excellent start to documenting your narc’s unfairness towards you and your journey. I hope i will be invited to watch.

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      4. One would think that when a person is told they are being recorded, that they may cease their behavior and yet he acts up more. Eg: I say I spoke to a police connection, he screams and says hey record this: “Hey Police go F* yourselves and stick your head up your @ss! and that goes for the magistrate to.” I feel very drained as it is like dealing with a delinquent!

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  16. HG everything you have written is key in my life and very concerning as I believe he is a dark triad persona and it is day to day concern if I get to tomorrow. I would really like it If I could email you HG as I value my life and need a little advice on what I can write in not using names because this person will destroy me in any way that he can so I am asking for advice oerse’ what I can include in my testimonies that are within the boundaries of the legalities that he may use?

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  17. I am an empath and have seen the well. The well of nothingness, Nada that the Dark Triad is facing. The well is deep and I cannot see what is at the bottom but I feel queasy when looking into it. There is actually a bottom, an end place and it is not what I thought. I thought it would be the fire, the incinerator of the fuel required to keep the fire going but it is so deep. There is a black and dark place through it and then further down there is like crumpled paper. I can’t see beyond that. [youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8lA3MZ2av8&w=560&h=315%5D

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  18. I know the P word is banned but a smear campaign was already threatened by three little girls who caught Santa on the loo in a precarious situation. So funny. P pourri. I’m sure you could do better. Can’t link but YouTube tells the story.

    On Dec 25, 2016 5:00 PM, “Knowing the Narcissist” wrote: > > HG Tudor posted: ” “It’s the most wonderful time of the year,” so sang somebody who I do not recall about Christmas. No it is not. There is little doubt that the Grinch belonged to our club. We hate Christmas and that means that it is going to be awful for you as ” >

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