The Gaslighting Twenty

the-gaslighting

You are familiar with gas lighting where we twist reality over and over again in order to create doubt. You begin to question yourself, doubt your recollection and feel like you are losing your sanity. It is an insidious tactic and one which we always use in order to destabilise you and maintain our control and the upper hand. We change history, re-write what has happened and we will do so even when faced with what you think is incontrovertible truth and evidence. Our confidence and certainty in the way we approach this, combined with the patronising appearance of caring about your tired and failing mind is especially bewildering. Our aim is to cause you to question your reality so you much more readily accept the false reality that we create and operate in. Here are twenty of our favourite phrases which are used to gas light you.

  1. “It never happened.”
  2. “You are lying.”
  3. “You imagined it.”
  4. “You haven’t remembered it correctly.”
  5. “Yes,you did do it because I remember distinctly.”
  6. “Are you calling me a liar?”
  7. “If I look for it you had better hope I don’t find it. Oh, what’s this? Just where I said it would be.”
  8. “I never told you to do that, why would I ever say that?”
  9. “Your dad wouldn’t do that to you.”
  10. “You are suffering from delusions, I think we need a doctor for you.”
  11. “You like to cause an argument out of nothing don’t you?”
  12. “You twist my words, I did not mean it like that.”
  13. “You never told me that at all,I would have remembered.”
  14. “Nobody likes you, they’ve all told me this.”
  15. “You need help, it is caused by your anger problem.”
  16. “Why are you inventing things again? You are such an attention seeker.”
  17. “That never happened.”
  18. “Dear me, you always make things up, you’ve done it ever since you were a child.”
  19. “We are just friends, you are reading too much into it.”
  20. “That couldn’t possibly have hurt you, why are you saying it did?”

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10 thoughts on “The Gaslighting Twenty”

  1. You also apply the appropriate statement to play on whatever our insecurities are, for instance making the anger management comment if your IP has a temper. She’s probably flaring it for good reason, but then you throw her off kilter.

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    1. Yeah, everyone has faults and issues.
      But they are seen as openings to exploit, in a relationship with a N.
      Instead of something to resolve and get over, in a healthy relationship.

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      1. Exactly. You counter each other’s strengths and weaknesses in a normal relationship. But this unhealthy dynamic becomes the new normal and you don’t know any better because you’re trying to work it out in your head on your own.

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    1. It is more likely to cause a Lesser or a Mid-Range to ignite their fury because you are criticising us. Of course, if you do it in an emotional fashion then it is fuel. All three schools will use it against you as evidence of your controlling nature.

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  2. I have used some of these comments in response to being gas-lighted. I stand up for myself and it has caused a lot of problems with my abuser. He tells me I am narcissistic and I shake my head in disbelief. Example:
    We went to lunch and I wanted a salad. He suggested that we split something so he wouldn’t eat as much and that he would take me to get a salad for dinner. He gave me a choice of 3 different burgers and said for me to chose. I looked them over and chose TWO out of the three and he zeroed in on the one that I didn’t want. He wanted to know why? I told him because I prefer the other two. He again wanted to know why? I laughingly repeated the same response as before. He wanted specifics…He wanted to know exactly why I didn’t want that burger. I started to feel uncomfortable and like I was being interrogated. He wouldn’t let it go and told me I was being difficult. We ended up ordering the burger that I didn’t want and I paid for it! We never got a salad for dinner. This has been a conversation that we have not ever moved past even though I have tried to put it behind us and the reason for that is because I won’t say that I was wrong over it. This is one example of sooo many experiences of very small things turning into major fights. I cannot believe it! I try so hard not to get sucked into the debate with him. I get nervous over getting into arguments over dumb things. He tells me I have anxiety issues and that I need therapy. Incredible! I am only anxious around him!

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  3. My last phone conversation with my N mother included her “rewriting history” to suit her “poor me” BS. I responded to her latest lies by saying, “Wow, you must be spending too much time alone and your mind has become more warped than ever.” The result? She abruptly changed topic and began hurling flaming bullets.

    HG, it is really helpful to see these things lined out so well and to be able to clearly see what was going on. Thank you!

    The end result of our conversation was I fired back some grenades, she hung up the phone before hearing all of them, and we’ve been no contact for more than six glorious years now. She’s never even so much as tried to contact me. I also cut off her flying monkeys and am pretty nonexistent on social media.

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  4. Actually, it’s 19 because you used that never happened twice.

    See, this is why I failed.

    Or maybe it’s why I succeeded in escaping. Words never escape me.

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