The Narcissistic Truths – No 127

get-over-it

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39 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 127”

  1. That’s right! They expect us to turn off our anger, hurt, or whichever inconvenient emotion we express. On the drop of a dime. Great way to further minimize and rob us of our rightful discontent.
    My MRNs mantra. His Matrinarc wields this one regularly. Along with “you must learn to forgive and forget ”
    Im all for forgetting she exists πŸ˜‚

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  2. My husband always used to tell me that about his serial cheating. Telling me how long it had been since he’d done it. Totally ignoring the fact that he had done repair work to fix the damage he’d done.

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  3. I can’t. Okay, I can only if I am a total bitch and then you get fueled and want me back. I come back and it’s all good until you start being a dick then I have to be a bitch again and thus the vicious circle commences. Why can’t we just be bitch and dick and be happy about it?

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  4. Hi Mr. Tudor. I know the characteristics of a sociopath vs psychopath are still under debate. I understand you’ve been diagnosed as a sociopath. However, from all my past research, my understanding is sociopaths are the ‘thugs’ of society while psychopaths are intelligent successful individuals. Their difference is nurture vs nature. This article further confirms that theory. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wicked-deeds/201401/how-tell-sociopath-psychopath
    What are your thoughts?

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    1. Once again this highlights the difficulty that the relevant profession has with the use of the terms sociopath and psychopath. Applying the definitions used in that article then I am a sociopath based on the prevailing view that I am a product of what happened to me as a child, yet I am a psychopath in the way that I present in terms of my control, my abilities and my success. So work that out? Unless of course, I was in fact born this way and the abuse I suffered just added another layer to what was already there? Thanks for providing that.

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      1. My exN is a very similar scenario. In my research in trying to understand him & which he was I went with Sociopath due to the nurture element but personally/professionally he is a Psychopath. As I gave him very few boundaries in our time together I see very strong elements of both Socio & Psychopathy. Even he said to me a couple of times about people having multiple sides. (yes, I made excuses for the big red flag there..) But really, how much does it matter fitting into one or the other ‘label’?
        Maybe the professionals shouldn’t be trying to fit people into one or the other & like so many other behavioural/mental health issues etc. accept that they can’t put everybody neatly into boxes & work with people & respect them for the individuals that they are & how that individual presents.
        My father had some professionals diagnose him schizophrenic, others bipolar. He had strong elements of both. This experience with exN has taught me why I’m an empath as living in a constant state of hypervigilance, fear & adjusting my behaviour & thinking based on my fathers daily varying moods & aggression was survival. Who’d have thought such a horrendous experience could bring about so much understanding & healing in so many things. πŸ™πŸΌ

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      2. I agree. Medicine is often a “diagnose and treat” model…therefore….a category is a necessity (if for billing purposes only!). However, like most of life, nothing fits neatly into any category. For me personally, I think looking at the “outcomes” is often quite telling (how do they behave, how far will they take things). Based on my personal experiences and resources, when you meet the psychopath, you can sense the inherent danger and you should rust your fear instinct.

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    2. Love,
      I will agree with Mr. Tudor and say that I was diagnosed sociopathic because of my childhood and teenage years. I however, am well educated and hold a lucrative position. I do not form normal attachments with people, but am charming and well liked. So, if you are going for research, I’d say it’s really a mixture. I don’t present now in full blown sociopathic and psychopathic ways, but I do exhibit traits that speak to both. Are not some empaths well educated, liked and hold a leadership position? I did have many years of therapy and coupled with some life changing experiences this made me develop empathy. It was there, I just didn’t know how to bring it to the fore as I had shut it down from the abuse. I think the labels are for insurance billing purposes and most of us don’t fit into a nice neat box.

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      1. Very true ABB. Empaths/codependents don’t even get a professional diagnosis, or title. Unfortunately we are not cool enough! πŸ˜‰

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      2. Thank you, Anna Belle Black for your true words. HG often mentions, that his brain is wired in a different way. I believe him and you. But also I believe that our brains have a huge capability to develop and change. Think of a stroke! We also know, that it is possible to create new connections in our brain. Training, training, training! But HG must agree, he must have the desire to do it. I do not see any real need of him at this moment. Sorry. He only wants to be visible. He always needs emotional response to feel that he exists in his own life. It is very strange. If he has no emotional response, he thinks he vanishes .

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      3. Indeed I do Mona, that’s a valid point you make concerning a stroke. I have a question; with a stroke there is a loss of function but this can be recovered because the function was once there. When you wrote that it is possible to create new connections, do you mean possible to ‘awaken’ old connections that have been lost or create entirely new ones to replicate the functions that once existed but do so through different channels?

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      4. I’m not answering for her, but I am. Yes to both your questions. Well documented that you can recover. For example speech from brocha area of the brain. Now I know that I said recover, meaning something had to be there first. The NIH has done studies on empathy with stroke patients. They can fully recover it. So I would say even if you claim to be born this way, however it was lost, it was lost. Gone. Psychological treatment brought it back. There was a study done in an orphanage. The room was where the babies were in cribs. The babies were not thriving except for the baby in the last crib by the door. No matter what baby was in that particular crib it thrived and was happy. Doctors installed cameras to watch. Cleaning lady came in at night. When she was finished. She would take the baby from that last crib and pick it up and talk to it, hold it, rock it and put it back down. This proves that we are born with the capacity to have feelings, but if they are not nurtured, if our parents neglect giving emotion we do not develop emotionally. So can it be rewired? Yes if you let it. πŸ’™

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      5. Mona,
        Why are you sorry? They need ambivalence. They strive for it. Pushing and pulling us so we are always in a state of mixed emotions. If they can keep you there without breaking you, they hit the motherload!!!

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  5. Hi HGT, I know running social media accounts could feel like spinning plates, but these narc truths images would be valuable added to an Instagram page. Spread the word, share the love!

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  6. HG do you believe one is born or environment creates a person?
    I ask due to I see similar things in my life compared to you yet I walk a different path, to which leads me to my beliefs of life is in balance, you can’t have one with out the other.
    I do believe we are drawn to each other because of this, and in some sense of survival we need each other.

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  7. Oh, I can find a diagnosis for us empaths and co-dependents….but it wont be pretty. Hahhahaha (joking of course)

    Since I work in a field that uses diagnoses and on a diagnostic team, I will tell you I struggle and debate diagnoses and the concept of them, the usefulness and uselessness of them regularly. I have a love-hate relationship with them as one of my jobs is to do just so, “diagnose”., They are a double edged sword. They are both powerful and validating for some, and stigmatizing and limiting for others. They can make or break someone’s view of themselves. The pros of a diagnosis are that they offer a short-hand for professionals to quickly convey a client constellation of symptoms. The can validate a client that their symptoms are real and not in their head(i.e. depression, PTSD). They can gain access to certain services that others may not get to help with the symptoms they experience (i.e. the diagnosis of autism, or dyslexia). AND, YES, insurance companies LOVE diagnoses…and reject claims all the time due to them, or pay claims due to them.
    The cons are MANY as well. They are biased by our current social norms (in the 70’s homosexuality was a diagnosis–horrible). They stigmatize and demonize (Personality disorders including narcissism are prime examples). They put people in inappropriate boxes that do not really exist in some cases(not including medical or genetic diagnoses here). People often make the mistake that diagnoses are real. They are actually man made to facilitate treatment. With all its pros and definite cons. I hate boxes. And, I have to use them. And sometimes, I am grateful for them (i.e. my grandson with autism, who needs all the therapies he can get and his diagnosis helps with that)…and I hate them (my grandson is stigmatized all the time). How do we reconcile this? Through teaching ourselves and learning to see others fully, learn to accept others, accept ourselves and continue to learn and grow.

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    1. Thank you Indy. I was disappointed that ICD-10 doesn’t even expand on narcissism or sociopathy… They get only 1 code each. But they have gone to town on psychopathy. Lots of fun codes.
      Codependents get 2 codes! Woo hoo!

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    1. Mona, you bring up a great point. We still have a lot to learn about the brain but for the most part, the brain is fully developed by the 20s. The last part of the brain to develop is the prefrontal cortex. This area affects a multitude of traits including impulse control, decision making, and risk management. Traits particularly affected by personality disorder. I do not know how much more development can occur after one has passed their 20s. I believe Mr. Tudor is correct that if these connections have not been made by a certain age, they may not be recovered.
      Of course he is still a young lad and may be able to do so.
      http://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

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  8. we are like magnets …. depends which way we are facing eachother. .. red +blue. .. blue+blue… red+red… which way You like it dearest G.?

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  9. When I read this I didn’t know if it was,
    HG’s mother saying it to him or saying it to his father.
    The narc saying it to his victim or
    Family and friends saying it to the victim when the relationship is over.
    This has many interpretations.

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  10. My 1st husband and I refer to him as the bio-dad or the sperm donor, depending on who I am speaking with, told me to “get over it” when they diagnosed me with Post-Partum depression with my 3rd son. This was one of the many straws that broke the back of this camel.
    I left him when I was 34 with three kids, 4, 2, and six months. I was asked by a gf who would ever want me at my age with three kids, and I told her “I want me, I want me”!
    He gave me nothing, and I was not in for the fight as he said he would create a quarter of a million dollar debt for me ( we had a company) if I asked for anything. (he still smeared me with saying I took all the money and it caused him to leave town and I found this out many years later).

    One of his friends helped me move out with giving me 3k to get a house to rent. From that point on, the more he tried to destroy me, the stronger I became.

    It was not an easy time. But guess what? I GOT OVER IT!

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    1. Ah Oh, but it was a process of getting over it. Narcs expect us to just flip a switch and be done. My daughter is still a mess because she was not allowed to process the attack like a victim should.

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      1. It took two very long years. My kids were the light at the end of the tunnel and I would just look for that light everyday.
        You do not realize how dark your world was until you emerge from that hole. I liken it to reaching the top of the well and climbing out into the bright sunlight.

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