You fed off me and I am sick of it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my magnetism, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am magnanimous I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to annoy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my charm, my attractiveness, my easy manner with people and how they are drawn to me and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted some of that. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my impeccable reputation, my scintillating presence and my esteemed connections. I do not blame you for wanting to be associated with me, who would not? Who would not want such a slice of the action as me? The opportunity to move in circles that you had never experienced before. The chance to be somebody. The time to clamber upwards from the tedious life you led and the doldrums in which you festered. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to be a part of that world. You certainly did become part of that world as well. You enjoyed my extraordinary largesse as you accepted my gifts, my invitations and my cold hard cash. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed your friends and family to become part of my entourage, they certainly had no qualms about getting on the gravy train did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were always only ever my friends. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my irritation became annoyance? That my annoyance became fury? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I had to stop this. I had to find someone who would give rather than take and that meant I had to be rid of you. That is why I chose someone else to escape your leeching and draining behaviour. That is why I cast you aside. You are a parasite.


You fed off me and I am sick with it. You attached yourself to me drawn by my goodness, but I never asked you to. You just decided that you wanted to be with me, you need me, truth be told and because I am the kind and caring person that I pride myself on being, I allowed you to attach to me but as of late your taking and leeching has begun to destroy me. You cannot deny this is what you are. The evidence speaks for itself. You saw my compassion, my attractiveness, my empathic manner with people and how they respond to such kindness and love and like some opportunist you decided that you wanted all of that for yourself. You realised that you could benefit massively by attaching yourself to me. You could avail yourself of my gushing compassion, my reflective presence as my emotional nature. I do not blame you for wanting to be with me, who would not when they are a creature like you? Who would not want such to erode me slice by slice? The opportunity to move yet again in circles that you had experienced before. The chance to be make yourself feel like somebody for once. The time to clamber upwards from the empty life you lead and the chasm which threatens to engulf you. I suppose I ought to admire your desire to improve yourself and better yourself by seeing what I am and what I do and wanting to make me part of you by swallowing me up. You certainly did make me become part of you as I struggle to remember most days who I am and what I was before I met you. You enjoyed my extraordinary love as you accepted my attentiveness, my invitation into my heart and my warm, loving nature. You were delighted to be on my arm as we went to so many special places. You were granted access all areas to who I was and you saw no reason to ever respect my identity. You consumed the love I poured in your direction, drinking deep of my passion, my affection and my dedication. I helped you, I listened, I advised and even when you began to abuse me, I never wavered from that. I called you often as you wanted me to. I made sure you felt safe and secure with my frequent messages and attention to your well-being. I allowed my friends and family to become part of your facade, they certainly had no qualms about forgetting me following your smear campaigns did they? You dominated my attention, engulfed me with your need to keep taking from me. Even when matters became difficult you did not stop with your neediness. You wanted reassurance still, to be told that I loved you, to be taken to those special places in side my soul once again. You tried to stop me doing what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. You wanted to prevent me spending time with my friends and yes before you say anything they were my friends until you banished them. Honest. You saw me as an easy target. I see that now and you kept taking, taking and taking. Is it little wonder that my confusion became despair? That my despair became desperation? You just would not stop taking from me and in the end I need to find a way to stop this, but I can’t seem to. You won’t stop.  I have to find someone who will give rather than take and that means I need to be rid of you. I know this has to happen but I feel I cannot escape you, you have drained and leeched from me to such an extent that I am barely able to think and function. That is why I need to cast you aside but how can I when you will not let me go and you will not stop causing me to love you. You are a parasite.

Who is the parasite. You, me or both of us?

The parasite is the one who benefits at the expense of the other.

Who is the parasite?

87 thoughts on “Parasite

  1. HG, in the final sentences, you are questioning who the parasite actually is. That is a good sign!
    However, in a co-dependent relationship eg. with tabatha, she would also be the ‘parasite.’ However, it would be an unequal symbiosis. You would be receiving more than she receives.

    1. Love says:

      I like your comment PTSD. When I read this article for the first time, I got upset. How dare I be called a parasite! But I got over it… I am sure I’ve been called worse things. Yes, a codependent also uses a narc. I need to feel needed, therefore I will make him dependent on me. I take away their basic responsibilities (cooking, cleaning, laundry), not because I am such an altruistic person but because it creates an enormous reliance on me. I will manipulate him too, allowing him to think his decisions matter, when in fact they don’t. After all, I know better about what he should eat, and how it should be cooked, and what he should wear, and who should select it for him.
      Now here’s the conundrum: I want to be completely controlled yet I also want them completely dependent on me. All the while, I want to be free 😁
      Make sense? Lol

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Love, I call this one paradox. The first two times that I read this post I froze cold. It was as if both Ns had me in a room and were saying this…they did say this. Reading it over, along with a better understanding, takes some of the chill away. N2 used to say that bc of him, I expanded my circles. He was the reason I’d get a better deal or be treated better at an establishment. Rubbed it in my face so I better change my ungrateful attitude. At the end, I was like whatever because I NEVER asked for any of it, but I did stay with him for 13 years. Evidently, I was also receiving something.

      2. 1jaded1 says:

        Love, and to further my rant (sorry I’m feeling extra ranty) N1 came from money. He didn’t have any other than what his daddy provided him, yet…He would take me to these furniture designers and make it a point to tell me it was by appointment only. One time he told me that one of the designers was checking me out bc “women always do that” what the flippin f? His father bought him a desk that was 5k. It is a huge amount of money, but 25 years ago it was even more so. He was teaching me to appreciate the fine things in life (on his Father’s dollar). I was his Pygmalion. I wonder how many more he has had.

      3. NarcAngel says:

        When you say you want to be controlled by them do you mean just when it comes to sex? And you want control of everything else?

      4. 1jaded1 says:

        Love, only the last part of my post came through..

      5. Love says:

        Jaded, so you were his muse? Awesome if he spent his daddy’s dollar on you. You are worth it! I want a man to take out his resentment towards his father out on me in such a fashion.
        ‘Yes honey, your daddy is a mean mean man. Let us go into the Rolex shop so you can show him!’

        NarcAngel, I once had a narc control my every action from 3000 miles away. He had me on such a rigid schedule. I knew I had to be home when he called. So even if I was in the grocery store, I would run to my car just to take the call. I would be in trouble because I did not ask his permission. I remember a friend of mine getting so upset at me for following his rules. It seems crazy but his control gave me comfort and security.

        1. 1jaded1 says:

          I think he wanted to show that he could get a college age girl he could mold into a younger version of his ex. I must have seemed naive enough to be controlled. Not when the chips are down. Later in the relationship, he triangulated us as we both had severe body issues. We played chess together and he won every game except the last one we played. Lol, the fact that he dumped the pieces before the checkmate was so odd, this behavior from a grown man. Now I know. His “job” was an invention he was working on that would make him famous someday. He repeatedly told me how he planned to buy land by a lake and build a mansion and gauging my reactions. I had no feelers out for a sugar daddy. I was just stepping out in the world out of college. He didn’t like that. He couldn’t mold me.

          Your lets go shopping comment bc daddy is mean did make me laugh. I’m sorry about you feeling secure even though you were so severely controlled.

          HG. I think my favorite backhanded compliment from N1 was after a very long day. He says, “Someone forgot to part her hair today. Don’t worry, it looks cute. I’m sure no one even noticed.”

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Yes that’s a good backhander.

          2. 1jaded1 says:

            The thing is that it was an unevenish part. People were doing them on and off. I was wash and go. I didn’t even realize it was a trend. If I did, I could have said, “It’s the style. Good thing you are hanging out with me bc I can keep your out of touch self up with the styles.” Hindsight mixed with ignorance of trends kept me from the snarky response.

      6. Love
        I much prefer the term ‘co-dependent’ to ‘parasite’ lol!!
        At least HG realizes that the narc is the parasite too in this symbiosis.
        When my ex was depressed and i was helping him, not getting much in return, i didn’t see it as a symbiosis. But now i realize it was.

        You stated: “After all, I know better about what he should eat, and how it should be cooked, and what he should wear, and who should select it for him.” Lol that made me laugh! But usually narcs don’t like others telling them what to do, i thought?

        You also stated: “It seems crazy but his control gave me comfort and security.” I think i’m like that too with respect to decision making. When i’m having trouble making a decision, i welcome someone with knowledge in the relevant field to step in and make the decision for me, eg. choosing the make of my next car etc.

        You also stated you like receiving gifts from your narcs eg. Rolex etc. I’m the opposite in this regard. If anybody gives me an expensive gift, i feel indebted to them, and when it’s their birthday, i try to match it in terms of thoughtfulness and price. It’s just a personal preference of mine, so that i don’t feel indebted to someone, and i can show them that i also care.

      7. Love says:

        Hi PTSD. As codepedents I’ve come to accept that we can be manipulative too. It may be something we don’t even realize, but we do it too. My manipulations of what they should eat and what they should wear were subtle. I didn’t scream it, but subtly ‘suggested’ clothes that would flatter their vanity. Or I would ask their opinion about what they were in the mood to eat, and use only one item they asked for. If I didn’t like what they said, then I would say the grocery story didn’t have it.
        As for the gifts, yes that is a big deal for me. My first narc set the standard on ‘generosity’ and I got used to it. Gifts are the only thing I take away from these relationships, so they better be good. In my opinion, if I’m tolerating such nonsense, I might as well get something out of it. I don’t work for free, and being with a narc is a full time 24 hour job. I should get ‘paid’ for my efforts and hard work.
        PTSD, I have a question about your narc:
        Why is he going through depression? Lack of fuel? If so, why is he denying himself fuel?

        1. Love,
          I got it – “…subtly suggested clothes…” lol! That way, he wouldn’t be feeling controlled at all!
          Being with a narc is a full time job indeed! I’m glad you’re enjoying the gifts!😀
          My ex is going through depression because a few of his family know about his narc habits and he feels shame. I left him as an ipps so his major fuel source is gone. He doesn’t want a new ipps because he normally doesn’t believe in pre-marital sex and wants to become his holy self again. He is devaluing many inner circle friends because he feels that they are treacherous. HG wrote an article about the narc devaluing friends when there is no ipps to devalue. So he is in limited contact with family, no ipps, and maintains friendship with only a few trusted friends. He seems to be surviving but he is depressed and suicidal 😞
          He is also isolating himself because he is facing his creature.

      8. Love says:

        Wow PTSD, your narc seems quite advanced to quit fuel and face his creature head on. That is no easy task.
        It is said an alcoholic should not quit cold turkey because the withdrawal symptoms are so severe and may lead to death.
        I wonder if a narc detoxing in such a manner is safe.
        Did you help him become aware of his creature or did he know all along?
        Also does he accept that he is a narc?
        Best wishes to you. I know you are a very loving person and I can imagine how hard this is on you.

        1. Love, i don’t think he wants to quit fuel. I think he does not realize he requires fuel. He has always appreciated alone time, but especially these days because he is depressed. HG said narcs will isolate themselves when facing the creature because in such a weakened state, they cannot face the world. He still presents himself at work due to obligation, and attends the gym due to his passion, but he doesn’t socialize.
          He did not know he is a narc. He used to say ‘something is not right with me’, ‘my mind is messed up’, etc. From various other patterns of his, and after much research, i stumbled upon narcissism. When he read the DSM criteria ‘grandiose view of oneself’ he immediately denied it. A few wks later, i gave him a link to psychforums of narcs discussing how they lack feelings of happiness and sadness (sadness for others only), and he said ‘that’s me.’ I gave him another link about ‘covert narcissism hell’, where narcs were discussing how difficult it is to be so extraordinary, but due to their reserved nature, they do not assert this, and always feel like they are not getting what they deserve in life. He said this describes him exactly. After realizing that narcissism is more about lacking (many) emotions, feeling ’empty’, not wanting to be controlled etc. he accepted that he’s a narc. Also, i had him take the narc personality inventory online and he scored very highly. I think he felt some relief that he fits into some category, rather than just feeling ‘off’, and that there are others like him.
          He doesn’t realize he is facing his creature and i do not dare inform him, as he would not take it well. He refers to it as depression. But i can clearly see the signs of the creature, eg. low self esteem when it used to be high, avoiding mirrors though he is handsome, feeling like he has failed in life though he has many admirable traits, a successful career, etc.
          It is upsetting to witness. I hope he gets better soon. But i do realize that when he gets better, his arrogance will surface again, which i always found kind of annoying. Thx for your inquiry.

      9. Love says:

        Yes PTSD, it sucks both ways. You don’t want them hurting and depressed but you also don’t want the alternative: them being very egotistical and full of games. I can tell you are getting stronger. Good for you for taking care of yourself.

        1. Love, thank you. It’s feeling less difficult week by week, not day by day for sure😃
          With support frm you lovely pple on the blog, and frm HG, I’m pulling through.

          1. Snow White says:

            I’m so happy that things are getting better for you PANA! ❤️
            I love hearing about progress.

          2. Thanks Snow! You seem sensitive like me. It’s not easy, but definitely making progress! 🌹

  2. Becky says:

    Although, not all of us knew what we were getting in to. My ex did not show any signs until 2 weeks after we were married. I did however make the mistake of taking his word on some things during the divorce… I guess I was just like that girl after all.

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    Aesop also does a fable The Farmer and the Viper.

    I like the Frog and the Scorpion. The scorpion knows that if it stings the frog while crossing the river, both will die. Yet, the scorpion stings the frog anyhow. That one always stuck with me.

  4. Snow White says:

    Hi NA,
    Thanks for putting that here.
    That would have been me picking up that snake and believing everything that it said.
    But now I don’t trust anyone and HG has me seeing the word lie in the word believe all the time.

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Hi Snow White. How are you doing? Yes, I also look at the word be-lie-ve differently. I’ve never liked it and have tried to force a peace with it (telling people to believe things will get better). Now the word is dissected. Hence my question why should I?

      1. Snow White says:

        Hi Jaded!!!
        I am the same. Lol.. not better and not worse so I guess that’s good.
        How are you doing?
        You must have been in my counseling session today. We were talking about what I have hope for and what I believe in and I told her hope is dead and believe has “lie” in it. Lol… I just don’t have that happy outlook back yet like I used to.
        I believed in happy endings, true love wins, good always comes out on top, and I was 100% sure I met my ex to make a difference in her life. All depressing thoughts to me now.

        I have to make a list of what I’m hopeful for in the future. Yuck!

        I agree with why should I?

    2. NarcAngel says:

      Hey SNOW
      Have missed you. Hope you are well.

      1. Snow White says:

        Hi NA,
        I made it through getting my daughter back to college and a few rough days. But I’m ok!!! Lol
        I’m heading to Florida today. Can’t wait to feel the sun. Last week we had an ice storm, thunderstorm and lightening, high winds, and 50’s. That’s Ohio!
        How about you?

  5. NarcAngel says:

    Girl and the Snake

    A young girl walking along a mountain path to her grandmother’s house heard a rustle at her feet. Looking down, she saw a snake, but before she could react, the snake spoke to her.

    “I am about to die,” he said. “It’s too cold for me up here, and I am freezing. There is no food in these mountains, and I am starving. Please put me under your coat and take me with you.”

    “No,” the girl replied. “I know your kind. You are a rattlesnake. And if I pick you up, you will bite me and your bite is poisonous.”

    “No, no,” the snake said. “If you help me, you will be my best friend. I will treat you differently.”

    The young girl sat down on a rock for a moment to rest and think things over. She looked at the beautiful markings on the snake and she had to admit he was the most beautiful snake she had ever seen.

    Suddenly, she said, “I believe you. I will save you. All living things deserve to be treated with kindness.”

    She then reached over, put the snake gently under her coat and continued toward her grandmother’s house.

    Within a moment, she felt a sharp pain in her side. The snake had bitten her!

    “How could you do this to me?” she cried. “You promised that you would not bite me, and I trusted you!”

    “You knew what I was when you picked me up,” he hissed as he slithered away.

  6. Bruised says:

    And I will just remind You all over again how symbiosis is possible and vital for some of us .. for me xxx

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed Bruised.

      1. Bruised says:

        I’m glad we agree on that one

  7. anteah says:

    I have no idea, whats up w my comments half of the time, but if last one didn’t make it through I am referring to mercury. But where there is mercury there are other metals on board as well. We are all star dust after all :).

  8. Anteah says:

    Mercury, and a row of other heavy metals, but mostly mercury.

  9. anteah says:

    Another option is that your neurology been shaped environmentally, in both ways, physiologically via predisposition of some of your family members including you to a common toxin, and psychologically, as a result of their resulting from such behavior.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Interesting point Anteah, what is the toxin you refer to?

      1. Bruised says:

        I’m thinking… she refers to poisoning with Mercury either from vaccinations or eating too much and too often of large fish which could affect obviously more than 1 member of a family but also differently.

    2. Interesting point Amteah, very interesting point. Do you think that may be the same for empaths? Or similar but some go one way and others go the other way?

  10. never says:

    Interesting interpretation of the concepts of parasite and host. Are you familiar with the parable of “The Girl and the Snake”?
    If indeed the co-dependent is a parasite, the as the narcissist has carefully selected the primary source, the quote : “Don’t blame me, you knew what I was when you picked me up” applies…..And you can see why one of my greater’s frequent admonishments is “that f#$%^& mouth”.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Never, No I don’t know that parable.

    2. NarcAngel says:

      I do know that parable. I have it on my desk at work in fact. Large and for all to see. Your last sentence made me howl.

  11. Laurie says:

    Once again, you have explained my Greater malign cousin.

  12. Amanda says:

    This is very true. Not only did I stick around/ go back because I loved him and thought it would get better. But I enjoyed being on his arm. We owned a business that made us well known in the tattoo industry. I feel vulnerable now without him. I don’t know how to be me anymore. He had said “together we can rule the world”.
    Now I’m trying to get me back while he’s off replacing me like I never actually existed. Except he makes sure I know he exists by constantly harassing me…

  13. Mona says:

    HG, I would like to recommend /suggest a book to you. It is called: The hate on/to love. Giovanni Stoll, Maurice Hurni. I am said to say, that it is only available in german or french language. It could be interesting to you. (I always struggle with grammar, meaning and words.)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Mona.

    2. ava101 says:

      Are you German, Mona?

  14. Mona says:

    Dear Ava, I know my own responsibilities too. But I do not want Mr. Tudor to escape his responsibilities. If he is not able to feed himself, it is ok. He can take others for feeding him. The narc to whom I had a relationship could have said to me, I have another partnership. I am sorry to say that I want to leave you. I would have been crying for a couple of month and then I would have gone further. Years later, we would meet each other again, saying : “Don`t you remember.” But people like Tudor have fun to harm and hurt other people. This is something, he denies completely. Think of Ted Bundy for example or other really bad people, they always think, it is their right to do so. Ted Bundy believed that they would not sent him to death. He was so astonished, when he had to go. Mr Tudor, I do not want to compare you with Ted Bundy, I do apologize for that. But he was a narc too, a special kind. And somewhere you said , that if you were sent to death, you would 1) Appeal 2) Try to escape. Exact the same behaviour, that Bundy showed.

    1. Mona, Ted Bundy claimed most adamantly that no blame, should be attributed in any way shape or form to the immediate environment he was raised in nor to his family. He was rare in that as usually there is blame attributed or excuses made. The young Bundy differed to the norm in that pornography he claimed opened up a gateway where he could not control the urges and those urges he claimed were activated by the first magazines of soft to hardcore magazines, he found lying in areas around his hometown. No one knew of his addiction and he excelled in sport and appeared to be a person, that people liked, had friends, etc. In his last interview before being put to death, he made some very interesting points that I for one agree with wholeheartedly. He was different because the urges would not abate, would not leave him alone, (the beast had surfaced) so to keep the beast at bay, he played out strong sexual acts, that ended up including violence and then death to the victims. Our permissions and enabling of what is in our world today are potentially creating little Bundy’s. He was so right in that. We have extreme sexual violence and murder related to sexual acts. We have it on prime time television, our kids are given mobile phones at a very young age, there are ways kids learn around firewalls and parental permissions. Whilst parental permissions are in place kids are using google for exploring ways to get through those barriers. Eg: There are teen sites where young boys are showing their genitalia and hooking up- Some of those kids are as young as twelve. No over eighteen year olds are permitted, however there is nothing to stop them. A Paedophiles dream come true. Who shall we blame when the child is abducted? Who shall we blame when the child is murdered? We are all part of the problem and none are working toward the solution.

  15. MsSevyn says:

    There’s a payoff for both the N and the Empath. It’s not a one-way street. Empaths keep going back looking for the artificial highs of the early relationship. Adrebaline hits.

  16. It’s a vicious circle. Get out while you still can!

  17. ava101 says:

    They are looking to it? What about you?
    Why doesn’t it work? What would you need to be able to do that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I see no need to look into it. I function perfectly well.
      I do not know why it doesn’t work, I have been wired differently.
      That is what we will explore.

      1. ava101 says:

        You know my answer.

      2. It doesn’t work because you shut it down from the abuse. It’s in there. I understand that brain chemicals have to be factored in. Along with any medical issues pertaining to brain processes. However until you agree that your coping mechanisms are unhealthy, you have no need to change. You have to want to and you continually remind us that you don’t. This is why your advice is so important. Most Narcissistic individuals don’t know what they are or don’t want to change. So just get away by no contact.

      3. Can I ask you a question HG? Did your mother (matrinarc) have a flat facial affect? One that would disappear when people were around she wanted to influence????

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Her default setting is glacial PRH and then the masks are applied.

      4. AH OH says:

        I will look forward to reading about their findings. I also look forward to you trying something that is against YOUR norm.

  18. ava101 says:

    I really like this post, HG. It has nothing to do with love on both sides. How does it work for you when you know it’s not real?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The fuel remains real and that is what matters ava101.

      1. ava101 says:

        Thank you for the clear destinction. I will keep that in mind.

        *lol* you really push me to the final frontier of my understanding whenever I try to follow this with any logic. I think I’m having trouble to accept the overwhelming simplicity.
        Energy directed to you is energy directed at you. And you feel powerful manufacturing this. Everything else is irrelevant. Is that it?

        But then you might as well re-direct your own energy back to you instead of using it for your perpetual quest for fuel, as everything you do is based on emotion as well.

        I’ve deleted my further interpretations. 😉

        On my part, I do care that I acted under false premises (of my own doing, too).

        1. HG Tudor says:


          My own energy towards myself does not work. I cannot self-fuel. Though the good doctors are looking to explore that with me.

      2. Can we talk about this fuel, sometime HG? When I say talk, I mean an open communication where other empaths can add their perspectives?
        Have you thought of opening up a channel, where we can have an open forum with you, via audio? Sam Vaknin did not think of this, to my knowledge- go steal his thunder HG that a boy, 😀 Seriously, I believe we need to get it all of our chests, breasts and anything above or below. If you are not game, I will open up a channel if the empaths here can contribute to it, oh the narcs too 😀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I shall give it some consideration as to when this might be done.

  19. Mona says:

    Mindfuck again. Half truth told again. What about the smear campaigns after the relationship? Take responsibility. You love to delete your ex, you love to make them crazy. This is the only way how you know to “love” another human. Mindfuck of your own brain. (But I know, many of your good doctors believe in that too.)

    1. ava101 says:

      Dear Mona,
      I understand what you’re saying. I regard this as a tiny aspect of the whole experience I’ve had with my exnarc and it helps me to see the part, which I was responsible for myself. This doesn’t mean at all that it is in any way acceptable that someone hurts and deceives anybody else on purpose or acts knowingly as a parasite, as my exnarc did.

      We’re not responsible for being victimized and taken advantage of, absolutely not, in no way. The responsibility and accountability for that still lies on the shoulders of the narc.

      But speaking for myself, I see now a tiny part (like … 1 percent 😉 ) of my own responsibility, why my exnarc could do this with me for so long. I believe that when I can see what I could have changed myself, that this gives me my power back. I don’t think, my exnarc could be successful again because I know now a lot more about my own weak spots.

  20. MsSevyn says:

    Touché, HG.

  21. I’m so serious; reading this very article makes me actually feel like I am in-love!!!! I feel on a natural high ~

  22. Oh my gSH, this is so romantic ❤️ It really makes me feel like True Love could actually be possible again… it makes me feel warm inside and like I could float away on a sugary cloud ☁️ I feel like all things are possible!

    1. AH OH says:

      The meds kick in my dear?

      1. Lucky Little Loony says:


      2. Lucky Little Loony says:

        Oh yes, 😊

        1. AH OH says:

          you did it again! Changed your name to pictures. Can’t you just be Claudia? Beautifully broken but still you are Claudia.

      3. Lucky Little Loony says:

        Why yes, thank you 😊

      4. Lucky Little Loony says:

        Having trouble with my computer, it seems…yes, meds kicked in!

    2. Omg lol!😂😂😂

  23. High Octane Fuel says:

    The real parasite is the one who invades under false pretenses.

    1. Mona says:

      I agree.

  24. jarwithaheavylid says:

    I’ve always thought this. He is a parasite but so is his wife. She’s addicted to the abuse. She stays with him to fix things (so she can feel better) but she’s just manipulated and addicted to it. If she wasn’t already a parasite, he’s made her into one.

  25. Hmm HG those parasites have really got to you, you are repeating yourself a bit there- Those dragonflies could well clean up those for you, they are found Up the Garden Narcissist, you may recognise the Ghost of Elvis there. There is a whole pity party going on up the garden and the entourage is all invited to deep fried banana and peanut butter sandwiches, fried tits and warblers, buffalo wings, sparrow shortcuts and butterfly crisps. Be Quick, The ghost of Elvis has left the building! TCB baby!

    1. Lucky Little Loony says:

      🕺 🕺 🕺 🎶 Love me Tender, Elvis Baby 🎶

      1. What? You’re back LLLoony? I’m glad! How was the trapeze jump?

  26. Sarabella says:

    The first one more than the second. The second is what you are gleaning from survivor sites, correct? But from my observation, survivors don’t come into this world of asking what happened to them thinking like that and talking that way. They learn this way of viewing with other survivors to armor themselves and rebuild back up something of who they were before being so messed with. Its something to tell them why bad things happen to good people. Why they tried so hard and so on… Its a mental defense that survivors learn to adopt but it also does have a strange tinge of the same…

  27. Laurie says:

    This spoke to me. when I’m asked why I stay with my husband (the parasite), I can’t find the words. When say out loud things that go on in our relationship or reasons for staying, I get looks of amazement. People think I am crazy. I think I’m crazy. It is my normal. A normal I am trying desperately to change. I’m trying desperately to have a way of being rid of the parasite.

  28. This is brilliant because it encapsulates the problem of codepency from both perspectives. In my case, it was clear that my Narc was the parasite, but that doesn’t mean I don’t share responsibility. Tha no you for sharing this post and making an excellent point!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you LBTM.

    2. Elizabeth says:

      No, it’s not brilliant at all. It’s twisted. You are buying into the narc’s point of view regarding his victim.

      1. I was just considering the Narcs point of view. I think it’s important to do that, not just for applying knowledge and understanding in order to be safe and to heal, but also in order to acknowledge the important truth that there are crossovers between Narcs and Empaths.

        Even with non-Narc/Empathic victims, it is hard to ignore that this kind of twisted relationship is corrosive, corrupting, and tends to rub off on you. That goes both ways, although the Narc won’t admit it, like ever.

        I know anger. I know hate. I know helplessness. I know despair. I know pain. And I know where I have to take responsibility; where the Narc should (regardless of their inability to do so); and where my boundaries are.

        I think it’s worth pointing out that with my Narc and I, it wasn’t only the stark differences I noticed. Those I can name in several languages, off the top of my head, in the dark, blindfolded and disoriented-they are obvious.

        What intrigues me are how similar we are, and yet how different our perspectives inherently are. How radically opposite we treat people, and approach them, and view them. Where their value is.

        I appreciate your vehemence, but I can consider a perspective without condoning it or accepting it.

        I’m curious, what do you think about this post?

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