Smear and Loathing


I have previously explained some of the forms that the smear campaign takes and also why they are so effective. Now I turn to the six reasons why they affect somebody like you so much. Smear campaigns are a constant in the arsenal of the narcissist. Effective, utilised through word of mouth and with the capacity to envelop several people at once who in turn perpetuate the smear, the smear campaign is a favoured manipulation of our kind. Here are six reasons why they affect you so much.

  1. Denial of assistance

The smear campaign is usually utilised during devaluation and on the cusp of discard. Its timing is such that you will more likely than not find yourself in a position of desperation, fatigue and confusion. Battered and buffeted by our manipulations through the devaluation period,you are in a poor position to defend yourself never mind having to defend your reputation with others. Once the discard hits you and knocks you for six, you are in need of considerable assistance. You need somebody to help you make sense of what has just happened. You need somebody to listen to you as you pore over the relationship and try to piece together (usually unsuccessfully) the cause of your fall from grace and subsequent discard. You will need assistance on practical items such as money, paying bills, eating, child care, washing and cleaning in some of the more extreme cases where your ability to function has been hammered. When your need for external assistance is at its highest, you find that those who you thought you could rely on to help you have been poisoned. Friends become unobtainable or suddenly busy with other commitments. Family are sceptical about helping you since they think you have brought it on yourself and they are even ashamed of your supposed behaviour. Colleagues are not inclined to assist someone who has been painted the way you have. These people disappear, turn their backs or even worse ally with our kind and the help and assistance you so desperately need has been taken away from you. This furthers your isolation, your pain and your distress. It also reduces your capability to address the nature of the smear campaign and neutralise it.

  1. The Corruption of the Truth

You abide by the truth. You speak it and live by it. Yes, you may tell the odd white lie but you are a paragon of virtue compared to our mendacious and repeated untruths. You believe in the truth and you need others to know that you are an honest and truthful person. You base your life on having honest dealing with people, both towards them and from them. It has been an horrendous enough experience dealing with our lies that we told time and time again to you, but it becomes even worse when you are being lied about. You may have reached the conclusion that we are well-practised liars and that is the way we are but to have your own reputation impugned and your character stained as a liar is anathema to you. This causes distress and the fact you know that other people are believing a lie about you will have a damaging effect on you and we know this full well.

  1. Frustration

You feel a huge sense of frustration that your reputation is being smeared but added to that is the frustration that people are actually believing what is being said about you. You are surprised and dismayed that people are falling for what we are saying about you. You are disappointed in those people who you thought would know better than to be taken in by what we have said. You really ought to know by now that just as you were taken in by our charm and seduction, so have they. Did you really expect them to respond any differently when you did not? The difficulty is, is that you know the truth about the lies being spun about you and you desperately want others to see through this but they do not. You understand why, because we base the smear on a grain of truth, we magnify and manipulate and twist and warp the truth so that people are deceived in an expert fashion but nevertheless you really thought that people who you could rely on would see through this tissue of lies, this web of deceit. The frustration at this overhwhelms you and adds to the distress of the situation as a whole.

  1. The Lack of Control

We hate losing control. Most people do not like to lose control because this causes distress, anxiety and apprehension. If something bad happens and you are able to at least do something to address it, counter it or mitigate its effect you automatically feel better. However, if you are swept along on a tide by a force over which you can exert no control, the sense of helplessness is massive. You are made to feel like this because when the smear campaign commences your coping ability has been hugely reduced. We however are at the top of our game, calling the shots and orchestrating everything with considerable effectiveness. You do not truly understand why it is happening, why we are behaving like this and moreover why people believe what we are saying. You feel as if you have no control over the progression and outcome of the smear campaign and this increases its effectiveness in terms of how it affects you.

  1. Keeping Up Appearances

Related to the corruption of the truth. Whereas the corruption of the truth alarms you because of the way that a central quality which you adhere to and believe in is being damaged, the smear campaign is also damaging how people think about you. You are not a person who is immersed in pride. You are neither vain nor conceited but you still want people to think well of you because you are a good and decent person. You just want people to know what you are and to have them told that you are something contrary to your actual appearance becomes especially upsetting for you.

  1. The Hammer to Your Reputation


Not only is your character and outward appearance as a good and honest person shattered and dented by the smear campaign, the effects of a smear campaign often go further. Your professional integrity is called into question with ramifications for your job, career advancement and livelihood. Your standing in the community is adversely affected which could have repercussions where you hold positions of trust and authority. If you have to be licensed by the authorities in some way, a smear campaign can place that in jeopardy. You may lose friends, your family may distance themselves from you but the repercussions of a smear campaign can infect your professional life, your income, your integrity and your standing. You are made to feel like a pariah and you may lose clients and customers, the backing of your superiors, be regarded as an albatross to an organisation. People are obsessed with appearances and if you become a PR nightmare not only is your personal life hammered by the smear campaign your professional and business standing is also.

11 thoughts on “Smear and Loathing

  1. aapzonderstaart says:

    Think about it in this way,after the first one you have nothing to lose anymore .You can now concentrate on the better things in life.Things you’d planned to do after being retired.

  2. Ollie says:

    Yes, even told his kids lies to smear me…

  3. So true. Lost some friends, family completely ( except for 2 on his side ) cut me off in communicating. It’s awful because you did nothing but love him and shower him with affirmation and adoration. Awful shit!!

    1. red says:

      It feels like my life is much like the scene where darth vador is choking people using nothing but darkness.

  4. Holy Reality says:

    I had her arrested on a cyber threat …among other defamation charges. When the reality surfaced …her flying monkeys ran! This is a permanent record! Sometimes the narc fucks with the wrong person!

    1. Not So Sad says:

      Make that two Holy Reality !

      He stalked my posts on a forum I used.
      Made himself a new user name ( so his new target wouldn’t see his older posts) and attacked my character on there for everyone to see, even got his new target to join in such was the BS he’d fed her about me.

      A visit from the police & threat of arrest for stalking & harassment soon silenced him, from then on in the coward got his new target to do his dirty work … They really are gutless where the laws concerned.

  5. red says:

    What can a person do? The narc went and narked himself out to our boss and smothered his story with fake caring for me, and said that just in case he was letting our boss know in case he heard from HR because i was supposedly harassing him. He told our boss a day after screaming at me on the phone threatening to make my life living hell at work. He apparently left that part out when he narked himself out. Weeks went by, where i was being excluded from all work stuff, and my boss was defensive and down right mean when i tried to get to the bottom of why i was. The narc had the nerve to flirt with me a week ago and when i tried to confront him about the state of his recent bizarre behavior, he then tells me oh btw he told our boss we had a thing and he cares doesnt want to see me hurt but he might hear from HR. I ended up having to tell our boss there was no harassing and that i had been threatened, and felt things were being orchestrated because of the narc. Our boss blew up at me for involving him, then said hes protecting me, and since, he intentionally makes comments that he is going over to say hi etc to the narc, and it feels like he took sides and doesnt believe that its the narc with the problem, and what fries me worse, is all the times the narc tried to get our boss fired, or similar.
    Anyway….thats what feels like a huge trap for me, and also, the narc said HR will never believe me, because of the complaint my company made against someone that sexually harrassed me years ago, the narc ptetended to stand by me of course, a situation that the military ended up protecting their own in and failed to punish someone of blatant acts of harrasment.

    1. red says:

      I wish i could do a email consultation right now…anything, just to understand and navigate through this trap correctly…every Sunday or day before a new work week brings the on the worst puree of emotions, its blinding and debilitating. If any one has a gutt telling them they just might have a narc in their life, please run and love yourself first.

  6. Sherry says:

    Oh this is So ON Point!

  7. C says:

    Oh so true ! Horrible ! No way of retaliating and clearing the smear after it’s been spread deep into anyone and anything you have an attachment with .. word of advice to anyone do not go to the mental health services as they will pass you off as psychotic and side with your partner ensuring if you took matters further you would most definately lose your kids due to the instability the mental health team describe you as having .. very frustrating .. then on the other hand all your reputation damaged .. job lost .. yet we are still together ?!?!

  8. Reblogged this on N&N Photography.

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