The Narcissistic Truths – No 132to

to-win-the-game

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68 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No 132to”

  1. I thought I could win the second time around, since I knew what I was dealing with. I told myself I wouldn’t get sucked in and hurt again….BIG mistake.
    Seduction from a Narc is one of the most powerful and gripping experiences I have ever encountered.

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    1. It is. Same boat here too. The power of the golden period overrides all common sense and even though i knew better, i couldnt believe my friend and true love could be this way and was a narc. The only thing that is helping me is gorging myself on H.G’s material and blog. I say gorge, because it’s feeding me knowledge and healing, but at the same time inside im screaming i cant take anymore. Usually those are the times im wanting to reach out to the narc and give me relief, disbeliving its even possible he is this evil even though everything i just read fit him to a T. It makes me feel mental, and i think of the years of abuse during just our friendship, and the worsening of the same behaviors with each cycle of push pull and discard. Thats when i feel more mental cause i think how i knew this down inside and should be with someone that treasures me, not someone that abuses me. If i didnt work with him, and he didnt try smearing me maybe id heal faster. But i have no where else to go for the work i do and pay i get, i feel trapped by him and his lieutenant, my boss. I wish i could feel anger about the unfairness and hypocrisy and lies, i really wish i could, but its not in me to feel that emotion and its not in me to not forgive, i dont understand that, even though im never asked for forgiveness and hear a sincere apology, even though im the one smeared and ignored and treated horrible. Maybe its because im ignored and he refuses to be accountable and will blow up at me, that i am not able to feel those negative emotions that may help me take charge of my life that im having to rebuild. I wish there was a way to dig out of my brain, the last ten years of my life involving him. I know im a beautiful person inside and out, and i have so much to offer a emotionally healthy man/relationship, but this whole mess makes me feel like theres nothing good for me and why bother. I hate the struggle between feeling good about myself and feeling like discarded garbage. I hate the feeling of sinking back into their roles for me by going to work, and being trapped, and like a cat toy stuck in a corner the cat has to use its nasty claw to latch onto to play with. I must not hate it enough though that i cant feel anger. The emotion of hate I’d think, would be anger?
      Anyways, i totally get what you said Empath. Sometimes i feel im a empath too, not sure about super empath, but from what i read it could fit maybe. I wish there was a perfect revenge i could have on my situation, but anything other then finding a great guy, getting my self back into marathon shape and going to races, re-enlisting, being a great writer someday etc etc…anything other then doing the things he knew i wanted to do and succeed at, and better than he expected, just isnt me. And i hope in the end its the best revenge, making myself better, with H.G’s help too. It feels like gorging myself is helping, like onion layers peeling away, it makes you cry a little in the process i guess.

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      1. Maybe the answer at the end of the day, is forgiving myself for not listening to my instincts and respecting myself all those times. I knew at my core things were ‘off’, and the abuse was wrong. But for some reason i kept wanting to believe him, and respected him more then myself, for some reason i was fighting for the love we shared, and told my instincts to be quiet and believe, after all he was telling me to do just that why would my friend and true love lie and string me along. I shouldve removed myself from the game, and trusted my instincts. Maybe its me i need to forgive, and im fighting to not be accountable to myself for having not listened. I knew at my core even during the golden period things were off, and maybe i wanted to believe and feel love to much. Isn’t that really why we keep ourselves in the game?

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      2. Thank you. I will. Thank you for all that you do. I think i heard the onion analogy somewhere, i cant take the credit for it, and so the visual popped in my head.

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      3. I suppose it’s called the golden period for a reason.
        I wish you the best Red.. Sorry you’ve been through so much, you deserve real love.
        If there was a way for you to find a new job and cut all ties, you’d be better off.
        Even if it’s a little less money, weigh your options. One can not put a price on mental health.
        I know reading HGs blogs are hurtful.
        At times I feel like it could actually be my ex writing this bc it’s so familiar.
        Take a break when you need to and focus on yourself. You already know what type of monster you’ve dealt with for the past 10 years, so why keep looking back?
        Focus on you,your hopes and aspirations.
        Much love to you.. God bless you always.

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      4. Thank you so much Empath, your kindness is good medicine, and i hope the same for you too. Im really starting to consider a new job. I just dont like the thoughts about them thinking they won if i did that though…but maybe like rats in a cage they’d go after eachother then, and in the end i find victory they can never have?

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      5. The key is that no matter what the job is and how much it pays, you let everyone know how much better off you are. That’s victory. My new husband makes about 1/4 of what my exnarc made. I couldn’t be happier. It bugs my ex to no end that I am actually happy now. VICTORY πŸ₯‡

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      6. I like to think of it as eating my vegetables, instead of gorging. Some I really enjoy, and others are hard to swallow, but they all help you feel better in the long run.

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      7. πŸ™‚ you made me smile Becky. When i get to a lima bean, I’ll know H.G really nailed it then πŸ™‚

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  2. Wow HG- I have started your books as suggested at your starting point of confessions. Whoa someone tells you that your meal is alright, and you hurl plates- scream foul mouthed abuse and further fly into attack mode with no stop button. I get that I really do. Those were carefully selected plates but there is no stopping that rage, once it is ignited, I get that too.

    Destruct mode, should know I have seen it thousands of times and it does not matter how badly someone may be injured, whose foot is cut from the sharp fragments, how much blood is spilled…someone said something that was not stated the way you would have them speak it and with the body language that you would have them use. Next week it may not bother you, but oh boy that volcano is ever present and in a place that can spew out fire and lava any day, anytime. I get that.

    What I don’t get is that your kind can give a nothing response to a die for meal and give a shitty response if at all, or perhaps say, it is your job (mind you to hire a sous chef to come cook may cost much more than your kind banked on and yet you would pay, then thank them, politely telling them it was a meal to die for).

    Strange Game..others are sensitive too and yet their sensitivities are exploited. Enjoying your book thus far and very interested in the similarities to the N’s 1,2,3 & ?4…Thanks for the starter, the entree HG.

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  3. And if you have to play the game (court ordered contact) remember that sometimes loosing is winning. Most of the battles that I loose with my ex, just strengthens my relationship with my sons, because they know that he has lied in order to win. This blog has helped me so much with that. When he wins a legal battle, I don’t give him any extra fuel from me. He may get some from the power of the win, but I am secretly gaining the power with my teenagers. So, for those other victims out there who have to have contact because of kids, don’t be afraid to loose a battle to win the war. I only get half the child support I should get, but winning the respect of my kids is worth every dime. They know I settled so that we could go on with our lives. I choose to enjoy my time with my kids instead of spending all my time trying to beat him. My senior in high school now refuses to stay at his house!! I call that a win, even if it did cost me thousands of dollars in child support. We are still in court over some stupid stuff that he keeps drumming up, but in the meantime I am having a blast with my 3 teenage boys and their wonderful new husband. Sorry to drone on, but I want other victims to see that it is possible to cope. I will go NC as soon as my youngest is 18, until then, I will focus on them. My 2 grown kids don’t see him for who he is, because I covered for him really well for 22 years. I am so thankful to HG for helping me win the respect of my 3 still at home.

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  4. if You mirror me I can’t win nor can You… You play against Yourself and so am I. wouldn’t it better for us BOTH to not play at all?

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  5. I’ve noticed the preponderance of exclamation marks in narcissists rhetoric. Am I just imagining this? It seems that these are used to create the illusion of passion and depth, no?

    Kind regards Victoria McHenry

    >

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  6. Okay, you are everywhere. I went shopping yesterday and seen this. Notice the tiffany blue color and golden lettering. If you had a post office box, I would buy it an mail it to you. It would make a great gift for one of your potential IPs. In fact they had 5 of them. I should have bought all 5 and sent to you as you surely are juggling at least that many. Yes I did buy one. Yes I will laugh and think of you enjoying the Earl gray in it.

    https://abb625.files.wordpress.com/2017/01/wp-1484581260289.jpg

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      1. All he has to do is get a p.o. box and I am sure the gifts would come pouring in. I forsee a crocheted blanket with golden thread from MLA-C, cookies from alexis, a Las Vegas t-shirt from ah oh, apple tarts from snow white, a self help book from Indy, The HG Tudor FanClub newsletter from its president Love, a gray rock from purple ribbon healing, a tarot deck from 1Jaded1, nothing from BE or Cara because they deserve something from him and last but not least vip concert tickets to a music festival from yours truly. It would be our secret HG as we wouldn’t want your ex’s sending you anthrax or death threats.

        It’s like the HG Tudor trinket of the month. This month coffee /tea cup next month I β™‘ HG Tudor bumper sticker or a HG Tudor cologne scented car freshener in the shape of a bomb to hang from rear view mirror.

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      2. Sorry about missing you or anyone else. Love, what do you mean you’ve been mailing him letters…..an address exists that we are not privy to? Did you aquire it from a bathroom wall?

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      3. PTSD, no, Mr. Tudor should keep them so you have all the more reason to visit him for high tea.
        Mr. Tudor, ever been to the Victoria Canada Fairmont hotel for afternoon tea? I love it but wanted to know if its the real deal. Up to par with British standards?

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      4. Lolol I love your idea ABB. Unfortunately I’m not the president of the fan club. Clarece is. Also, writing a fan newsletter is too much work. How about I send Mr. Tudor love letters, on scented paper and with kisses all over them?
        Oh wait, I’ve already been doing that.
        And none of the letters have been returned so I assume he’s getting them. He’s probably storing them in a heart shaped box. πŸ’—

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      5. I’ve attempted to post Mr. Tudor’s primary residence address several times yet they all are currently ‘awaiting moderation’.
        Mr. Tudor, please be so kind and push these comments through. It is only fair for the rest of them to know. 😘

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  7. I can now see all the fuel garnered from fury, keeping everyone on pins and needles, having everyone express envy (even imagined) and so forth. I still don’t quite understand the fuel from acting stupid and buffoon ish – like a 4-14 yr old

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  8. I had tried that many times over my 42 yrs without knowing what I was dealing with(mother)or what this family dynamic was,It took me seeing the interaction of my mother with my 5 month old daughter(didnt know I was looking)to actually believe that she was the spawn of the devil,and it has led me on a 8 month journey and to finally this site, whicht I think is my Saviour.(a bit of unleaded).Thank you HG..

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  9. I really wish I had known not to play the game before I did. I thought something was “off” about this guy, but I thought “I” was being too closed off. My suspicions were correct. Hard not to beat myself up over it.

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    1. I really felt that way too, Pink Flamingo. I distinctly remember being told in various ways even, that it was me. I think this overrided my instincts too, my gutt was telling me one thing but i was being told the other, it was easier trying to fix myself. If i tried holding my boundries and asserted that it wasnt me or all me, i was ignored and/or worse. I should be celebrating my freedom, and the fact i have no more actual migraines, why im not is confusing crap.

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  10. Mr. Tudor, have you ever used the death of someone for a successful hoover? Playing on the ex-empath’s heart strings? My ex narc contacted me that he has to put his sick dog down. The dog I took care of. Of course this makes me very sad and I respond. There is no way I can be no contact about this. My heart beats. It is not frozen. I do not want my ex back but I loved his dog. 😒

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      1. Ouch. Hitting below the belt. Even boxing has rules. It is a gentleman’s sport after all. Apparently hoovering is a lawless art.

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      2. Love I dont believe anything stops them once they decided on something.
        Indy do have fun!

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  11. lol actually my ex sister in law brought my husbands mistress to my husbands funeral.
    I wouldn’t call it a Hoover but definitely a way to get an reaction from me as to I step in and told her to butt out when the decision needed to be made at the hospital.

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      1. Yes Love it is, yet it is knowing when to fight and when not to. I didnt care about the mistress, she made the mistake thinking I had no knowledge of her.

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      2. I dig it Twilight. Reminds me of this song 🎢
        “You’ve got to know when to hold ’em
        Know when to fold ’em
        Know when to walk away
        And know when to run” 🎢 Kenny Rogers

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      3. The Gambler

        Always Love, I remeber when that song came out
        The things I learned from music, lol

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