The Narcissistic Truths – No. 135

i-must-numb

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34 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 135”

  1. HG,
    Either Numb by Linkin Park or Numb by Rihanna, in this case I’d go with Linkin park. Btw depeche mode rumored to be at lalapalooza this year. Royksopp at Coachella, I really don’t know why you won’t hang out with me. Think of all the bragging you could do. You could steal all my wonderful traits and of course I will even tell people You’re my brother. Even though we’d be mistaken for the hot power couple. Ah well, you’d rather be off devaluing. Carry on.

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      1. Would the fear of complete loss of fuel be likened to an existential fear of non-existence? Do you think the original source of the fear is linked to very early (emotional/physical/psychological) abandonment? Thanks HG.

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      2. Hello Rebecca, yes the consequences of a sustained lack of fuel would equate to that.
        I suspect it will be, the good doctors seem to link most things to such abandonment.

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      3. HG,
        If you have to ask someone for fuel, such as do you think I look good? Or do you think I am handsome or do these clothes suit me, that the answer doesn’t count because you had to ask? I ask it for gaining fuel not confirming the fact that you are attractive, handsome or well dressed.

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      4. Valid point ABB, but no, it still counts because there will be an emotional response. Granted in such an instance the response may be short-lived and lacking enthusiasm which makes it less desirable but it remains fuel nevertheless.

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      5. I have one question around similar problem. When I had my last communication with my narc I told him that there is evilness in his eyes. And responded ‘you complemented me on my eyes, you said you like the color”. Yes I did that once maybe 2 years before. Another time he was asking me if he is a good father to me. Why he was asking those questions to me? Becouse I gave him answers he liked, I complemented him? Becouse in real life somebody told him the opposite, maybe his wife? Why he brought those 2 topics again in our last conversation when I was heavily criticizing him over so many of his malicious behaviours. Was he expecting me to complemen him when I was in a cold fury running through him like a train? I just do not get what he wanted to achieve with those questions. Strange.

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      6. Thank you. I always think it doesn’t count if I have to ask and would then condemn you for making me ask in the first place. Double fuel because you said yes I am whatever I asked and then abusing you and making you apologize for not telling me that because you couldn’t read my mind. Of course now I don’t do that. I ask you if you find me attractive because I am unstable and want to make sure we could still have the potential of hooking up. And everybody, when I say you I don’t mean HG specifically I am speaking in general. So don’t freak out on me. Even though he is delectable.

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  2. HG, that is nonsense, I must say.You have such a great knowledge of human nature, you are not the personality to be duped. You do not have to change all of your personality, only parts. And you can change them piece to piece and look then, what happens. You really know where you have to be careful and where not. You are used to wear masks. We all wear masks. And you can decide, where you show a little bit of the changing HG and lift your cold mask and where not. You are not helpless at all. Or weak! There is no weak creature inside, there is only the helpless little child inside. No monster, no creature, only a small helpless little child. “But” this child can rely on the adult HG, who is respected and feared nearly everywhere. (At the moment , I feel as if I were your mother, a loving mother.)
    And last , please do not show memes, in which you make yourself ridiculous. Men are allowed to cry.Everywhere in the world, except parts of Europe.

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  3. Dear HG, did you ever take a look at the graphit paintings of Michael Jackson? There is one painting, showing a little child sitting in an edge of a room, very anxious. If you look at that painting, you will see, what is inside of you. It is only a little, anxious, lonely child. Please help your inner child. I am not an esoteric person.

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  4. Linking Park songs “Numb ” and “crawling ” sound for me like sung by a developing Narcissist. .. they are very painful to listen for me… I know it’s not your type of music but …

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  5. “There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how abwurd, in order to avoid facing their own Soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.”
    C.G. Jung

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  6. I have 2 questions if you would be so inclined, HG:

    1. You use masks, so this benign approach you use on this board, obviously due to installation of your 5 rules, this is also a mask? Or do you see it just as perhaps a dimension of your entire character? How integrated is it and how “genuine” does it feel to you?

    2. Have you considered, even remotely, a shortcut of such as ibogaine or Ayahuasca To rework your personality innards and to worthrough some stuff that you seem to be unable to and unwilling to in this state?

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    1. Hello Anteah,

      1. I see it as a dimension but I accept that in certain instances a mask is applied here when dealing with certain comments which otherwise could be dealt with differently were it not for the 5 rules;

      2. I haven’t. Somebody did mention Ayahuasca I think previously. How do you see that assisting if you would explain?

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    2. Is Ayahuasca the plant one has to throw up after taking it? Fascinating thought … HG on a shamanic trip … (not meant ironically this time).

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  7. Never having experienced it myself, I have to only rely on what I read others describe as how taking it helped. Many deep wounds that we have and their scars form basic foundation to our higher functioning from which our personality sort of emanates (in a secular sense, just couldn’t find a better word) and sits there in a cockwacked fashion, due to foundation being so distorted. Its impossible to change an entire foundation of the house, especially quick, if the house is still standing. These psychodelics allow for the “house” to go float for a time being while the foundation is being reworked and pretty fast, and the centers of the brain their metabolites effect or perhaps temporary changes that happen in the entire body via affecting enzymes/hormones/neurotransmitters and such focus the functioning on specifically that task – reworking the foundation. Why? I dont know. Many said its scary, as you will not only meet the creature, you will learn to drink tea with it.. But many many severe PTSD cases (combat driven and others) who couldn’t function in society or severe addicts with the same issue have told to have been “reconstructed”/reborn by these experiences and were able to begin to function differently and it is due to being able or given this never before seen power to meet their deepest fears and to be changed by it. If you believe that your condition is due to learning, it shall help.. Hell, it may even help if it is more than just nurture based, but if it is nurture, you will deal with the trauma of the Grand Betrayal once and for all. No one reports not having been effected by it in positive ways. Something that looks like a hungry bear may just actually be a shaggy dog, when you approach it right.. Or even if you just approach it.

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    1. Thank you Anteah I understand the point you are making and that actually sits with what the good doctors have set out as the overview. The engagement with them was to increase my awareness to understand what I am, why I do as I do etc and what causes me to do those things. Then with that knowledge and understanding, the aim into remove my construct. Now, ordinarily the only way that would happen would be if it collapses which would be horrendous for me and out comes the creature and I am exposed and helpless once again. Instead, they wish to steadily deconstruct the construct but with scaffolding around it so that when it is removed I am not plunged into an exposed state. Once I can see I am still standing, apparently, the reconstruction begins to equip me with that (or open up) that which I have never had so I can self-fuel moving forward. In essence, imbibing this concoction causes it to happen with speed, so fast that the construct is removed before everything else comes crashing down and is replaced before it comes crashing down. A little like whipping out the tablecloth so fast the crockery remains in place.
      Cockwacked – great word.

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      1. I too enjoyed cockwacked. Yes that’s what she said , sits there in a cockwacked fashion, so is that a look of total satisfaction? Sprawled out with a smile? Ah the dirty minded, such great people. Oh and the plan with the doctors sounds good. As if you required my approval.

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  8. “A little like whipping out the tablecloth so fast the crockery remains in place.” Precisely! But again only according to those having gone through it, can’t vouch for the accuracy. Having gone through a fall of a “construct” myself few times though, I can say that it is in fact scary, but mine was nowhere nearly as complex as was yours, I was just thinking im more functional than I actually was… so when the realization and acceptance of the fact that I was not came, out came all the stages of grief plus some light psychotic states… but nothing i couldn’t temporarily drink through. After the worst of it, came years of rebuilding self and eventually I touched the ground more firmly, but felt less protected, yet more flexible, accepting.. so something in my adaptation changed for the better. Can’t say about the fuel as I never needed the fuel in the same way, so that is quite different, but i needed the outside validation much less, so maybe there is a correlation there. Anyway, I really hope those two can do what they are set out to do and I hope you find peace within this insane world and with yourself. And Id love to read about it!

    Also have you asked the good doctors if they ever had a “successful” case with NPD?

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    1. Thank you Anteah.

      You are right to place successful in quotation marks. They did, at the outset of discussions with my family, explain that they had achieved “significant improvements” in the understanding and behaviour of those diagnosed with NPD. But then they would say that wouldn’t they?

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      1. Your family? While your mother is what she is herself? Well, behaviour is on the outside. Not fundamental change on the inside. But I would be so happy about this tiny change in having to hurt other people. In how far that is “you” is up to you to decide.

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  9. That’s my concern, and that’s their view of improvement. Many sociopath call therapy “finishing school”.Likely for a good reason, so who wins? Probably both but not the general population. Yes, its the same as biological issues are being referred to as behavioral in children and animals, and when behavior changes due to their machinations everyone is clapping and shaking hands, and dumb asses don’t even know or care to dig for the root of things and that if it wont come out now in one way, just wait it will emerge in some other later, unless the cause is eliminated its an endless game of a whackamole and picking and choosing which behavior they like better and calling things success that dont even come close to it. Sometimes makes me wonder (well all the time) who are the true manipulators.

    Sorry, I have my own axe to grind with the world obviously, but I do hope them 2 are exceptions. After all if something will change its already a positive sign.

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  10. Hallo HG, I just remember someone, who has had a childhood similar to yours and he told me one of his dreams. He was in a total empty house, which he was given by his parents. He was a little bit anxious about this dream. He felt it was scaring. My interpretation was, that the walls of this house are his genetics and the character traits, he got by his parents. It would be his task to fill the blank rooms. He could paint each room in different colours , he could choose his own furniture and so on. He only got the construction of the house. This man was not impressed by my interpretation. And I am sure, he does not remember, what I said to him. A year later I noticed that he changes. He blocked his parents totally, they have no grip to him in any way, he changed his job, he changed his environment and he seems to be much happier than ever before. What I want to say is, that you cannot deny your genetic and your character traits (the construction of the house), but you have an influence how this house appears to you and other people. It can be a friendly house or it can be a house, in which you and other people feel uncomfortable. (Dark rooms etc ) I wish I could write you in my language. It is so difficult for me to explain, what I want to say. I really hope you understand what I want to say.
    And character traits such as envy can be positive or negative. Positive: you try to achieve the same (great motivator) , negative: you think, the other one should not have this thing..

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