The Narcissistic Truths – No. 136

i-must-not-be-weak

146 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 136

  1. Thank you Entertainment. The day’s got worse, but today was a bit better.

  2. Entertainment says:

    Nothingbutsomeone,
    Most of the times there’s an issue with spell check or the wine glass is almost empty depends on time and day. You are not some Thing…you are human you have the capacity to love, we are the same age. It’s not over we still have life to live a whole Lotta of life. I can’t tell you to get over like he have. How sad these individuals are, feel bad for the next one she is not the winner in this game called life. No one can win with a loser. I pray you see the good in this everything that seems bad is not all bad. Unless you are dealing with a disordered person. I hope today was better than yesterday and tomorrow is better. I pray for peace and guidance.

    1. Thank you Entertainment, the day’s got worse but today was a bit better.

      1. Entertainment says:

        NBS
        Thanks for responding..You last comment weighed heavily on my mind. I am happy to hear today was a little better. One day at a time. You will receive beauty for your ashes and double for your troubles. We all do when we have a heart that’s always giving. You will have a better house a bed time share with someone that loves you even if it’s just yourself. 😚embrace and celebrate daily victories. Again, thanks for your response. Continued blessings and peace. HG, thank for releasing our comments.

        1. Well, I feel I am as bad as him. I begged/ threatened him to see me one last time, because he has made me feel like I am the narc. It’s hard to explain. I have been trying so hard to get through to him and all I have come out as/is crazy and can’t let go. No one seen his string but me. Telling me he loves me, and for me to get help, then he would talk to me. I believe him!!! just writing that now!!! I just wanted a goodbye of love, I felt I needed to be close to him without feeling it ended so awful, horrible, mean. Omg, maybe it is me? I can’t explain this, and it’s frustrating me. Anyways, it has made the thoughts of him and her subside. I feel I can let go and not feel so ugly and unwanted. That a part of him does love me? There is so much of us that is unsaid here, but everything HG writes hits me hard. I’m not sure if who won, I just know I feel better, to let go now.
          I wrote this tonight…

          Today I crave, what touched my lips last night.

          Today I want, what causes me pain

          Today I hope, that tomorrow gets better.

          Today I pray, he’s not “that” drink to a recovering alcoholic.

          For then I fear today will never end.

          1. Entertainment says:

            NBS,
            Sorry, I went to sleep. I love what you wrote. I journal a lot and it helps to write your feelings down and it’s great you are doing it artistically.
            We expect closure it’s normal. They make us respond in that way with all the crazy manipulations and other messed up tactics they use.
            You aren’t the narc, you wouldn’t be on this blog if you were. I’ve asked HG and so have others if we were narcs. I asked because of my inability to move on without closure and my incessant need for revenge.
            I you decide to for help do it for self because he may come back but not on the way you are expecting.
            As far as him loving you although you may have felted love he doesn’t have the capacity to love her can mirror yours and others. Again. I love the poem and I look forward to seeing more.
            HG,
            Thanks for allowing the comments, I so appreciate you.
            Liz

  3. Entertainment says:

    I do not want to accuse anyone of victimize shaming or blaming. I read this article a few months back trying to understand how does a fairly (normal) get to the point or even thought of suicide during or after the relationship with a narc.

    Pernicious Abuse
    It goes unrecognized but it exists.

    It exists on an extremely covert level.
    It happens behind the scenes without anyone even being aware of what the problem is; the real problem.

    No evidence of it is left behind and no-one has ever been convicted of it yet in reality, what I will term pernicious abuse is something which can have a devastating effect within society. Pernicious abuse can lead an abuser into carrying out acts such as what I will refer to as covert psychological murder, or perhaps even covert psychological manslaughter, and is something which is very real and remains insidious and unrecognized – and virtually unquestioned.

    Psychological murder can take many forms but the type I’m really referring to is of a covertly narcissistic and/or sociopathic nature. It’s difficult to believe that it happens but it does happen and I’ve seen it happen.

    Narcissistic/Sociopathic (narcopathic) abuse occurs when a narcissist or sociopath (or narcopath) attempts to convince someone who has discovered their unbelievably shallow secrets, gradually over time, that they are crazy and proceeds to manipulate them into keeping quiet or to ultimately face their wrath.

    They generally do so by ostracizing and gaslighting the victim while continuing to act out their part, expertly hiding their truly outrageous behaviour, whilst they have everyone else around them fooled – everything is done to appease those around them while their manipulative and controlling tactics only take place behind the scenes, outside of people’s awareness. The victim is forced to question their own sanity because they don’t even realize that they are a victim because everything done to manipulate them is done outside of their awareness

    The longer time goes on and the longer the victim tries to do something about it, the more severe the abuse becomes. The narcissist/sociopath has already built an army of unwitting abusers who all help to drive the victim crazy. The long-term consequences of these actions can be devastating. Of course, there are many other types of abuse that can have just as damaging and severe long-term consequences. However, psychological forms of abuse such as gaslighting, mental rape, slander, defamation and distortion campaigns of a person’s reputation are much more subtle and are very rarely identified, at least not early enough.

    Narcopathic Abuse
    Victims of this type of abuse are commonly left with no resources they can use to escape the situation; the abuser has stolen their finances, their identity and has turned the victim’s own family and friends against them, due to the malicious web of lies and deceit that have been woven. The victim is trapped with no way out… or at least that is what they are made to believe.

    Although victims go through what can only be described as being dragged through hell backwards, narcissistic and sociopathic abuse via heightened communication is so difficult to pick up on the human radar of perception that the victim is usually left scratching their head wondering “is it me?”

    They have been made to believe that they are the problem. Such abusers are so shallow that they may cheat on their partner on significant occasions such as valentine’s day or while they are away at a funeral – at times when the victim will least expect it.

    Not only that, they will do it with the person the victim suspects the least…. time and time again.

    In many cases the victim may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape. The stress they are forced to endure can be so severe that if they don’t find some kind of release in order to feel a sense of escape, they continue to build up with overwhelming tension, anxiety, emotional suffering and may develop an overactive mind which can literally drive them crazy – post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can soon follow. That’s not to say that the drugs will either prevent it from happening or even slow the process down – they won’t. They will only exacerbate the situation in the long run.

    Psychological Murder
    The abuser never quits abusing and the victim’s self-esteem gets worn down to the core until they go through a process of devaluation, dehumanization and dissociation. The victim has been made to feel that they are nothing in this world, they now have nothing, they now have no meaning and nowhere to go and nobody wants them any more except for the narcissistic/sociopathic abuser who can now use the victim as their emotional/mental slave. The narcopath is now their God.

    The process is so subliminal and it happens so gradually that it could take place over the course of ten or twenty or even thirty years or more. The victim knows that even if they did escape the situation the abuser would probably continue to ruin the rest of their life or future relationships anyway and in many cases after the partner has left, the abuser continues to drive them crazy gradually destroying their reputation, their life and their soul – often referred to as soul murder.

    Eventually the victim may be left feeling suicidal but commonly they are not selfish enough to go ahead with the task of committing suicide, they don’t want others to be left picking up the pieces because they feel real true genuine empathy. For this reason many victims believe they have no choice but to go on suffering the abuse and in many cases the damage is already done.

    Some victims may ultimately decide to continue to pump as much alcohol or drugs into their system as they can. This way they can use it not only as a form of escapism but also to slowly kill their self off to the point where they have to suffer the abuse no longer. Others may not turn to substance abuse but may end up suffering fatal medical issues potentially leading to death a result of the pernicious abuse.
    Some may have give up on their hopes of escape and may have just accepted things the way they are (conditioned into co-dependence) but unless they are an inverted narcissist, then the stress will eventually take it’s toll. Stress is known to cause a myriad of health problems, most of which can be fatal.

    Ultimately, the victim takes the knowledge of their covert psychological murder or manslaughter, to the grave which forever remains a secret inside the mind of the abuse

    1. Entertainment: Beautifully written.

      1. Entertainment says:

        PRH,
        Thanks it’s an excerpt from a article I was reading. Sorry, I failed to cite. I will look for the writers name. I thought it was appropriate to share. I personally believe the behavior and actions can of a narc/sociopath can be the leasing cause of someone committing suicide. Although there may be existing factors such as clinical depression that too could stem from the abuse of the narcissist. It may have not been H.G. desire outcome but it doesn’t negate the fact that it happened during or after the relationship. Like the writer wrote the abuser will take that with them to their grave.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          I agree. A life now ceases to exist and the loved ones of that person will take that grief to their grave as well. If the abuser is the catalyst for someone to completely lose their grounding, purpose in life and make this kind of decision out of such despair and worthlessness, sorry but that blood is on the abuser’s hands too.

          1. Entertainment says:

            Most definitely Clarece, I also think that the person that actually attempts or is successful at committing suicide do so at the hands of a greater. Although, H.G. mentioned and I witnessed the pushing behavior in the lessor and mid. The greater does his covertly which is really crazy making. The lessors inability to maintain manipulation after he’s injured provides the respite a person needs to snap back into reality.

    2. E. B. says:

      Thank you, Entertainment.

      1. Entertainment says:

        E.B. you are welcome. We are all different and deal stress, grief, pain and brokenness differently. This isn’t a one size fits all deal.🙄

    3. NarcAngel says:

      ENTERTAINMENT
      Great article that sums it up nicely. Do you know who was credited for writing it?

      1. Entertainment says:

        NarcAngel hun his name is Mark Hubs.😊

        Author of know your enemy.

    4. E. B. says:

      @ Entertainment
      Entertainment, your post is very helpful and validating and I wanted to add something. (I didn’t have time to do it before.)

      There are narcissists who really want that their target commit suicide but other narcissists don’t because this could have negative consequences for their *perfect façade*.

      My mother, who was a Victim Narcissistic, wanted me to kill myself. This happened a long time ago. She did not tell me to do it but she pushed and pushed until there would be no way out for me to stop the pain. Although my FOO had never spoken about this subject, I remember when my narcissistic father started telling me again and again that people who commit suicide are “cowards” and other negative things. It seems he noticed that my mother with her daily emotional abuse was pushing me to commit suicide and he wanted to stop it.
      If I had committed suicide, it would have been good for my narcissistic mother and her “Poor me” role getting all the attention (“Poor mother, her crazy daughter killed herself”) but it would have been negative for my narcissistic father because this would ruin his perfect family façade.

      So it depends on the narcissist. Some of them want it to happen but others don’t. This is my own experience. It is also important to consider if the target has a clinical or endogenous depression (mental illness), which will make things worse.

      My comment is not intended to minimize emotional abuse at all, which can be worse than physical abuse.

      1. Entertainment says:

        E.B.
        Thanks for you input. I am so sorry you had to experience 2 narcs as a child and mothers with disorders are often more harmful that the fathers. We expect them to be nurturing and caring instead we are forced to deal with these monsters. My father had his issues but he was always giving and kind to us. He was physically abusive towards her. When they divorced we went with him years later we returned back to her ugh. Her traits are those of the victim narcissist.
        These days she pretends like she’s so sweet and loves us dearly. Then the monster appears, recently she mentioned she wished my nephew would die (her grandson) last night she referred to him as poor baby because he recently had a seizure. My older sister is a codependent and is in denial of what happen when we were kids. She will call her and curse her out and her kids. My sister is 50 years old and still allow her to abuse her. I am vocal and my younger sister is a narcopath so there’s no filter there. My son stop speaking with her over a year ago she called him the other day and said she was dying and he needed to come and visit her. I told her don’t put that quilt trip on him. He has a right to not allow shit stirrers to be in his family life. She’s always telling people that when she passes I am going to regret not visiting her more. I try to feel compassion because of the physical abuse that occurred and think that she did the best she could with the resources available. It’s hard because she continues this behavior and she’s over seventy. She refuses to retire as a nurse. Married a guy 19 years younger when she was in her later 40’s she bosses him around he’s mentally ill. Sorry for the vent.

  4. Mona says:

    Yes, there are those. The narc to whom I had a relationship, did not visit one of his appliances at the hospital (very bad disease). He did not even call him. His explanation was: ” He does not want to live anymore.” The appliance did not function, so he was left alone. Another girl tried to commit suicide (because of her narc) and naively asked my narc for help.She rang and rang and he never answered. It was not his fault, that she broke down. He had only a little affair with her and promised her heaven on earth.
    Of course, it was not his fault that they broke down or were ill, but he did not support them, He promised so much and let them down. An ill appliance is a useless appliance. Wow, I knew that before I started to read your blog.

  5. Flickatina says:

    Is it possible to outnarc a narc?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Flickatina, no it is not, but you have other options available.

      1. Flickatina says:

        Thank you for your response – what would these other options be please?

      2. Love says:

        Hire another higher level narc to outnarc them 😀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          That might be an option.

        2. NarcAngel says:

          LOVE

          Oh geez. Narc Wars.
          Watch for ads: Tudors Takedowns.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Very good.

          2. Flickatina says:

            But then don’t I run the risk of being SuperNarc’d?

            I need to learn how be be the bigger narc myself!

          3. NarcAngel says:

            FLICKATINA
            Dont you get involved! Thats a 3-way you dont want. Just stand to the side holding up a match and threaten to torch your own fuel. Then watch them fight to the death (in spandex) lol.

      3. Love says:

        Lol NarcAngel, I was picturing suma wrestlers. 😀

  6. HG,
    Have you ever made someone so hopeless, so week, that the committed suicide. And if so. Was that the plan, and did you care? Or just blame them, that they we’re weak. When in fact the devaluing worn them down to stop the craziness, feeling no other option.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Someone has taken their own life but it was their decision, I did not cause it to happen, though I know it was portrayed as being my fault. I have no such plans in that regard because as I have mentioned before, a dead appliance is a useless appliance. I do not want those appliances dead, I want them to function. I know there are those of my kind who want to bring it about.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Is it someone you have written about?
        Did the suicide have something to do with your family insisting you need therapy since you said above it was perceived your treatment contributed to this person making this decision to end their life?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes.
          No. It was my treatment of that person which was alleged to have driven them to commit suicide.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Karen?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, not Karen, but I know why you think that.

          3. MLA - Clarece says:

            No matter what you choose to share here or not, you know in your core if that person would have been prone to do this tragic act whether or not you had entered her life. And if the answer is that your actions drove someone to such a helpless state and you did not try to help or stop it, God help you on that one H.G.

          4. Replying to HG

            Even the fragile ones provide fuel and managed in a certain way do so without being destroyed. I do not aim for the fragile ones as primary sources but rather those who are high functioning. I do not choose ones which break easily for my primary sources. There is little point to doing so.

            I was high fuctioning, I’m 46 and never would have these thoughts crossed my mind. All in one year i have become a person that I don’t know. Trying to win my life back. But now the final discard has happened, he has someone new, in my house in my bed. That was my bed, that was my house. And I’m being told he string to move on with his life. Leave him alone. But no one sees that he has been playing me along. I want to die. From this hopeless game. I’m so fucked up

          5. MLA - Clarece says:

            You’re also engulfed in grief too. It’s like ocean waves crashing over you right now. They’ll pull back eventually.

      2. Twilght says:

        HG is this what forced the therapy? If I have crossed a line I apologize. Please understand I have seen this happen before.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No Twilight it is not, it arose owing to other matters.

          1. Twilght says:

            Thank you for clarification, yet I agree with Love if someone has decided to end their life it is just that, their choice.
            My best friend commit suicide, there many other factors that were going on noone wanted to look at, so in there grief they blamed the ex boyfriend. He didnt help things but he wasnt what pushed her to do this.
            In the end she decided to end her life, my heart broke that day.
            I miss her, yet i have watched over her child as if she was my own. She has grown to become a beautiful young lady and looks so much like her mother.

      3. Love says:

        Wow Mr. Tudor. Did this just recently happen?
        Also when you say there are those of your kind that wish death for others… I thought ALL narcs want working appliances and not dead ones.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Most do , there are Lessers who may urge an appliance to kill themselves or push too far, not being attuned or aware of the breaking point and tolerances of the particular victim.

          1. Entertainment says:

            I agree and for me it wasn’t because they were smart. When you consider yourself a fairly decent person. Responsible, reliable, and allow yourself to become entangled with a lessor the crazy making and confusion will literally drive a person nuts. Especially, we you are unaware and you are usually good at figuring things out. The constant lies and manipulations, triangulation will have you doubting your own damn sanity. The lessor will push and push they thrive off of it from what I have experienced. I understand when some get upset when we thank H.G. however, I know what his work has done for me. Like he says they never really go away. Using the tools I’ve learned here the (2) I was in intimate relationships with hoovers have decreased substantially. The mid to lessor even suggested I do everyone a favor and take my life.

      4. HG, someone has taken her own life? 😔
        Was it due to your discard?
        Why don’t you just let them know at the beginning that you are not interested in marriage or anything too serious due to what you’ve witnessed as a child. You don’t need to expand further. Many women will still wish to engage despite knowing that.

      5. Love says:

        PTSD, narcs never tell you from the beginning they are broken and void. The golden period inspires them, giving them hope that you are The One who can complete their emptiness. Unfortunately, after the honeymoon is over, they realize we’re not the magical one, hence the abuse begins. She probably began to crumble during devaluation and the callous discard was her undoing. May she rest in peace ❤

        1. Love, that is true but HG need not tell them his weakness. He can simply state that he’s not ready to settle down yet, not looking for anything long term, not wanting to be exclusive, and wishes to enjoy bachelorhood for some more time. Surprisingly, many women go for this type of deal. That way, the woman knows what she’s getting herself into and hopefully won’t be devastated when he wishes to part ways.

        2. He can also add that in childhood he’s seen too many marriages suffer and doesn’t want that to happen to him. He would be telling the truth but not the entire story since it is personal. However, the woman would be protected in a sense because she will not have expectations.

      6. Love says:

        Thank you Mr. Tudor. You state that lessers are “not attuned or aware of the breaking point and tolerances of the particular victim”. Therefore they may push more victims to suicide.
        This may come across as controversial, but I cannot blame a narc 100% for someone else’s suicide. Yes, many of us who have entangled with a narc may have contemplated suicide, yet to go through with it is also indicative of other issues – including very severe depression.
        So my question to you Mr. Tudor is if you are attuned to your victims’ pain tolerance and breaking point, why become involved with the fragile ones who will be destroyed by your machinations? Isn’t that setting yourself up for failure? You want a high functioning appliance. Why knowingly pick up one who you can break easily?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Even the fragile ones provide fuel and managed in a certain way do so without being destroyed. I do not aim for the fragile ones as primary sources but rather those who are high functioning. I do not choose ones which break easily for my primary sources. There is little point to doing so.

      7. Love says:

        Understood Mr. Tudor. Thank you. A few of my friends have committed suicide. Those experiences were the darkest and most heart breaking of my life. All of them suffered from clinical depression, and they struggled throughout their life. Peace be upon them now. ❤

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is not an outcome I have ever desired nor orchestrated, I regard it as running contrary to my aims, but I know of instances where people have been pushed to commit this act, outside of my machinations.

      8. Love says:

        Yes I understand. I also know you cannot force someone to live when they are determined to die. One of my friends was saved during her first suicide attempt. So she made sure to plan very thoroughly the second time, being proactive so no one would become suspicious. She wanted the 2nd attempt to be successful.

      9. Not So Sad says:

        You drove someone to suicide HG

      10. Matilda says:

        I agree with what others have said, that suicide often is the result of several factors.

        If you put her through devaluation or discard at the time of her death, or if she struggled with feelings of complete loss of hope in the aftermath, you contributed to her death, but you were not the sole cause.

        What you MUST consider however, for the future, is that you cannot know how ‘strong’ or ‘weak’ someone really is, you cannot know her true pain threshold, you cannot know what your silly games might trigger in her!

        Oftentimes, those who appear to be the most confident, giving, strong ones are holding up a façade, just like you are. It is their way of dealing with feelings of inadequacy. They know it is expected of them. How many in her social circles would be interested in the truth? “Be a good girl, smile!”, even if she is dying inside… and she is showing them what they want to see. These women do not appear to be “fragile” yet they are vulnerable. And you, in your ignorance, think you know how much abuse she can handle? Think again!

        I can see that you did not want her death, your words sound genuine. Yet that does not change the outcome. It does not alleviate the pain her loved ones feel every day, for the rest of their lives. You will have to live with it, too, whether you have a conscience or not.

        We do not know other peoples’ struggles, we do not walk in their shoes. That is why we walk in kindness, that is why we do not hurt others on purpose. I hope that this sad incident at least brought you to reflect on what you are doing. So, please, learn from this… and *think twice* next time you want to strike.

      11. Matilda says:

        HG,

        was Sophie the one who took her own life?

        She was talking to herself in the third person: “must not think, do not think Sophie … Smile and shine, shine and smile. Keep going forward … We know what happens when you think about it. Bad things happen but we don’t do bad things do we?”

        This kind of soothing self-talk indicates that she either witnessed or experienced abuse. You caught her in this private moment, and exploited it mercilessly! There is nothing to be proud of if she can only bear your presence when she is completely numb, akin to dead. What a poor soul, I hope she is well…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Hello Matilda, no it was not.

      12. Matilda says:

        I am glad to hear that, HG.

  7. NarcAngel says:

    SOMETHING BUT NOTHING and MOUSE

    Often medicine can taste bad and have side effects but swallowing a bitter pill can still work. Sometimes heal. Sugar can do a lot of damage. Sometimes kill. Choose your medicine.

    1. Love says:

      🎶But a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down
      The medicine go down-wown
      The medicine go down
      🎶
      FYI: I shall sing all my comments from now on.

      1. NarcAngel says:

        LOVE

        Yes, but only a spoonful.
        Not:
        🎶 POUR SOME SUGAR ON MEEEE…!!!!🎶

      2. Love says:

        Lol 😁NarcAngel, you left out the best part:
        🎶”Pour some sugar on me
        Ooh in the name of love”

  8. AH OH says:

    Who the heck is Mouse icon? Dammit Claudia! is this you? What did I tell you!!! Are you upset again?

    1. Love says:

      Wait! You mean Claudia (…et al) isn’t just a chatacter of Mr. Tudor’s? I miss her, btw. She was like the Tasmanian Devil. Why did you 86 her Mr. Tudor?

      1. HG Tudor says:

        I have no idea what that means, but I haven’t done anything.

      2. Love says:

        I was teasing Mr. Tudor. 86 means being thrown out of a bar or club and being banned from that establishment. I know you didn’t anything ❤

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thanks for clarifying. I have learned something new.

      3. Love says:

        The Tasmanian Devil was a character in a cartoon called Tiny Toons.

      4. Love says:

        You betcha 😉
        I’m your go-to-girl for wild and rowdy nightlife behavior and cartoon character explanations.

    2. AH OH, as i wrote above, i do think it’s claudia!! She’s ba-aack…!!!👻👻👻🎃🎃🎃

      1. AH OH says:

        PTSD LOL!!!!!! She can’t fool us. No matter which one she brings to the table. We love all of them too. As I said, she is beautifully broken.

        1. Yes – you, love, and i figured out her identity – mouse icon’s that is 😂😂😂

  9. Love says:

    I thought the image was an acorn and not a mouse.

  10. NarcAngel says:

    Jesus. Did somebody drop the 3 o’clock meds tray in this room?

    1. Entertainment says:

      NarcAngel,
      Yes, and unfortunately my portion fell with them. Now that’s entertaining.

    2. AH OH says:

      I will love you always! You are the bestest of all the restest!

    3. AH OH says:

      NarcAngel The post was for you. the bestest one. I didn’t add your name.
      I have been busy and can’t be on as much so I am missing much but I always look for your posts.

      It is very hard to think he would be posting most of these comments, but I do believe he has one who mirrors him. Our beloved B_E. She is just as dangerous as he is and I bet her naughty step is more fun. She is a woman so she is more creative.

      Keep up with your funny lines. You make me smile. I just might track you down and go drink with you.

      1. Love says:

        Beloved 😏.
        Throwing side-eye shade.

        1. AH OH says:

          browning up love, browning up.

    4. AH OH says:

      Bahahahahahahahahaha NA.

  11. Entertainment says:

    HG
    Maybe I am saying if I cloned you and broke the clones heart would it hurt your heart also? Or maybe, if for some reason I had to break your heart I would want to clone you in hopes that breaking the clone’s heart would spare your heart. No need fear becoming weak or purpose to make me weak.

  12. Twilight Dreams says:

    Mouse icon many others have already stated on your post if HG commenting under other names to himself, I mean no disrespect yet why would you think he would do this?

    HG I am dropping dreams, smh my mind is still stuck on your post ice shards and what makes you stop dead in your tracks. TD, till death, association, kills me and why I believe, he is only saying certain words when he calls and I answer. It’s been a really rough day today.

  13. Nothingbutsomething says:

    I just don’t think I can ever believe that there isn’t something to help. I could care less if you narcs live among us, but your destroying people. I can’t sit here and thank someone for writing books that are helping me see what I don’t want to see. To thank someone who clearly isn’t doing this out of guilt or empathy, to help us weak minded individuals. Im grateful for the information, just not feeling so great on where it’s coming from. I’m having enough problems loving someone I hate, now I have an author I despise, but can’t stop reading. GREAT!!

    1. Entertainment says:

      NBS,
      If you can’t stop reading his work maybe it’s a sign that you so want awareness. I am not condoning their behavior. HG doesn’t pretend to do this work to help us heal or have never said he’s not financially benefiting from this blog or other endeavors.
      You may not thank him now, but I am sure you will come to realize the value in the information he post on here and in his books.
      Most of us were and still are confused, seeking closure, cognitive dissonance, denial, depressed ,and a host of other problems before finding HG. I wish you the very best in your healing.

      1. I’m aware, and my awareness is growing. My point was, making comments that makes Tudor to be a wonderful person for exposing himself, is giving him his needs. And a chuckle or smirk on his face. Let him defend himself from people like mouse icon. So use him like he’s using us. As I said I’m grateful for what I’m learning from him, just not grateful for the source from which it comes.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t need to defend myself as it was wrong. That’s all there is to it.

          In fairness, as Clarece pointed out, she found the remark not only wrong but unfair to those who are sharing their experience, so it was not just an affront to me, but others and people are entitled to respond to that without necessarily lauding me.

          You are naturally entitled to air your view also.

          1. Thank you

          2. Thank you, to clarify my comment was not directed at Clarece. I replied under a comment and assumed it was looked upon as such. I will be more clear with whom I am replying to from here on out.

          3. angie says:

            You are a prick, Tudor.

          4. HG, you are a kiss ass to your worshippers as long as they keep worshipping you….which makes you a sissy

    2. AH OH says:

      NBS I understand what you are saying. I get it. I do not see any disrespect for HG or bloggers. But his fans are quick to his defense. He is, by his own admission a Narcissistic Sociopath. It is hard to think that the medicine that we need to find ourselves again is the very poison that made us sick.
      Keep shining. Time heals.

      I got your back and so does everyone here.

    3. NothingbutSomething, as i’ve posted before, HG gets very little fuel here from interacting remotely with strangers. Yet he makes time from his very busy schedule for us (he also has a day job/career), when he could be out in the real world gaining potent fuel. He answers all questions, free of charge, and in a polite and courteous manner.
      I doubt he gains much monetarily from his books either because they are very affordable. I remember paying $4.99 for one book, when i would have been happy to pay $49.99. There is a wealth of information laid out in a systematic manner therein. He puts much effort into his writings to make it easy for us to understand.
      If he wishes, he need not reply to all comments, especially because some of the questions are so repetitive. But he always does, very patiently and in detail.
      He sacrifices his sleep (he is 6 hrs ahead of u.s.a. EST) to moderate and post comments to keep the conversation flowing.
      He admits that he learns from us here as well. He incorporates what we feel, with the narcissistic view, and writes about it. He is becoming more self-aware. Even though he was forced into treatment, he is fully dedicated in learning about his development, and his writing helps him to achieve this. I do not see too many narcs who willingly try to become more self-aware.
      I do not agree with his malign nature in the real world. But keep in mind that he suffered alot in his childhood including sexual abuse, and that innocent child knew nothing at the time, other than to abandon his very own soul. It was a defense mechanism. As a result, his many emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, embarrassment, empathy, love, and self identity were also abandoned.
      I am relieved he doesn’t harm, hurt, abuse, neglect, or abandon children.
      Many narcs impregnate their gf’s then abandon her and the baby. HG CHOOSES not to do so, and not to have children.
      HG is not physically violent, like the lesser narcs are. He utilizes self control.
      Depending on the duration of your relationship with your narc, the amount of abuse you suffered, whether children were involved, whether he stripped you financially, whether you suffered from property damage, whether you were married to him, whether he abandoned the children etc. – all these factors come into play and determine your level of anger and upset. Some of us have not suffered so much compared to others. For eg. Jarwithaheavylid became pregnant and her narc abandoned them, if my memory serves me correctly. Dawn has been with her narc for 15 yrs and he recently abandoned her and her family. I had been with mine for 2.5 yrs and he was not malign, never used physical violence, never took a penny frm me, no children involved, we were not married, he helped me with housework all the time etc. But he would become silent after intimacy, and re-schedule our meetings which gave me ptsd.
      So it really depends on the person’s experience how they feel about narcs. Also, psychologically speaking, some pple tend to form a slight attachment to the person that is helping him/her. That is why you will see many thank you’s towards HG.

      1. Entertainment says:

        Ptsd,
        I heard the mic drop, all the way on the west coast. 💨💨💨👏

    4. Nothingbutsomething: Guilty I am of thinking along the lines you write over the period that I have not so much gained awareness but had confirmed every itty bitty element of what I desperately needed validated. HG has copped mouthfuls off me (literally speaking) of my projection back onto him as I am triggered endlessly through his works and through narcissistic abuse in the real world. I have screamed at him to stop myself screaming at the N. Following his advice, however to give no fuel (no emotion) in heated moments with the N in the real world has left HG copping my wrath, so I understand where you are coming from.

      Like any disease, there are good days and bad days, mediocre days and the grey in between. From my perspective, I go through hate and love and it hinges on how I am being treated in the outside world by the N. Mostly, I resent being taken as a fiercely passionate and loving human to spitting back the venom that I must to survive in the here and now and that is why it has been misfired and I am aware of that. In the movies of old, a snake bite would have one or another biting open the flesh for survival and sucking out the venom to be spat out. (They died as this was not an effective remedy). We progressed to torniquets, then we progressed to bandaging above and below the snake bite redirecting the spiralling of the bandage away from the heart or more specifically the diaphragm where the paralysis would be effected through the neurotoxin.

      You are I can say in the right place to survive here and through HG’s works. We are at different stages, not one alike and I am most hypocritical because no doubt I will spit out the venom at some point but in my heart, that is not what I want to do. Why? (If it were humanly possible I would give myself a kick up the @ass for giving the N in my domain, a flying chance at corrupting my nature, the nature I know that was uncontaminated by this very serious personality disorder being projected onto me and mine.

  14. Ooohh,
    So that’s why you make me weak in the knees. Got it.

  15. Twilight Dreams says:

    You are far from weak HG, even then. You were a child.

    1. Oh, Supeeeeer Hero Time, again…. time for the bitty worshippers to bow down to hg again….

  16. HG, you are the best. Thanks for your work, it has helped me a lot!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Marcella, good of you to say.

      1. angie says:

        Tudor, go wank off

      2. Oh, did she give you a bj, too?

    2. He will accept your bjs

  17. Supernovamagnet says:

    LOL. I have seen the enemy and I like him.

  18. lynna4 says:

    I’ve wondered HG- and I’m sure the question has been asked and answered somewhere in your work, I just haven’t come across it -will your Mother ever come across this blog or hear about it? Won’t her minions and Luitenentd tell her

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No. She does not know what she is so she would never be inclined to stumble upon it.

      1. ava101 says:

        *wiping tears of laughter from eyes* … I just imagined that …

      2. HG, isn’t that what you need though? She has been through my understanding and forgive me as I am only on book three of confessions for lack of education into your relationship with her, the catalyst for your behaviour.

        Underneath all of the masks and guises, don’t you want to have her accountable at the stage that you are at for your own individual mission, otherwise she is being smeared and a habit could be changed with a major step toward at least this one habit being dropped onto those who cannot fill her shoes or replace her in a nurturing form through the victims that become entangled with you?

        So difficult to get my head around the fact they don’t know what they are, regardless of their narc status (lesser, mid etc). When they leave a lot of destruction behind on their path and it is presented to them, such as lists or people’s testimonies (victims) this is what they have as a common denominator- a host of unhappy and dismayed people and they all have in common the but not for rule. But not for x then I would not be writing this testimony (y). But not for your mother (x) would you be writing this testimony?

        Was it nature or nurture? You have stated that you believe it is a combination of both, but what does your heart say? Is there any family dynamic throughout your earlier years that you look at and instead of envy, can see that had you have been raised in that family, you would not be here writing your life into these books? If the answer is yes, then you feel cheated, ripped off and angry and felt powerless as a child to overcome it so you overcame using those very teachings that you attribute to her. The answer being no- you would be questioning as many abused individuals do, was it really as bad as I perceive, or am I ducking from my own responsibility in my – self- moulding?

        Does the onus lay on her? If solidly yes in your heart, she must not go out of this world avoiding the damage that she has catalysed. Whilst it is deflected onto others, it protects her and that is your choice. Unfair though to the lovely women that you have had in your life. There is no guarantee whatsoever that if you found your friend, Amanda things would be any different. She will have changed throughout time,
        life happens to all of us.

        Are skeletons best left in closets?

  19. Karin says:

    Why is the escape of the creature so feared?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Because then that is a return to something that we do not want. The end of how we wish the world to see us and the terrible return to wretchedness.

      1. Twilight Dreams says:

        HG why do you say a return to wretchedness, is it because you see that part as weakness?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes TD.

      2. Nothingbutsomething says:

        Why not just deal with that wretchedness? Why not face it? I have to face “you” everyday. So in fact you are weak, you are scared. You hide behind these masks to protect yourself and bring your wretchedness out in others to make yourself look good.

      3. The truth is, HG…lol…you probably abuse the hell out of your mother and were born bad and that’s probably the truth and you are just making up this sad-boy story. I’ve seen many children abused, horrifically, and they don’t grow up to hurt others like you do, or become such cowards as to not be able to face their beasts inside…it’s called THERAPY. You are just a spoiled brat. You probably raped your own mother and are projecting all your abuse you gave to her into reverse mode, you sicko.

  20. Karin says:

    What is the Creature?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The real self locked away.

      1. Is the real self really that bad? From what I’ve read, most narcissists evolve before the age of 7. Why can’t bringing it all out in therapy, dealing with it help?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Yes it is that bad. Why risk unleashing something that you have spent nearly a lifetime keeping at bay.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Because of the key word being you have “spent” most of your lifetime keeping it at bay. You have been enslaved since your dissociation happened in childhood. With your high energy level and keeping on the move every waking hour harvesting fuel, it has been manageable. Additionally, life’s responsibilities and functioning in the world for your job and to make a living fill the rest of the time. At some point, the aging process forces more gaps of idle time. The weight of that inertia will bring all this bubbling to the surface eventually. The longer it gets pushed off, the more painful it will be.
            Just like your incident on December 15th. Your conflict with this other individual was building and building. Then there was the moment it all caught up and confrontation was unavoidable and it had to be dealt with. Also happening with you momentarily losing control.
            It’s always better to be proactive than reactive. Everything catches up eventually and has to be dealt with.

      2. Flickatina says:

        Because when you face it, you control it, it does not control you.

  21. jarwithaheavylid says:

    That’s right. And strength be to those who realise it and put you back in your rightful place – beneath us.

  22. summeringa says:

    This is powerful and so true!

  23. MLA - Clarece says:

    That toolkit is full of creating moral mayhem managing one down.

  24. Oh wow HG. I never realised this. Thank you

  25. 🖱 says:

    I have just come to the realization that many of Mr. Tudor’s commenters are probably Mr. Tudor, himself, and thus he is enjoying a very long dialogue with his own “amazing ” self, for the most part. How cozy…

    1. HG Tudor says:

      But of course, I have nothing better to do than write to myself all day. Ridiculous.

      1. Supernovamagnet says:

        I know huh? Obviously the fundamentals of the narcissist temperament have escaped this individual.

      2. Bruised says:

        omg 😂😂😂😂 H.G. bearly keep up with our comments … IS IT(mouse icon ) KIDDING? ?? You G. writing to Yourself? ?? omg… clearly a jealous person … I’ve never seen anything that ridiculous. ..

        1. Then apparently you have not looked in the mirror lately, Bruised…

      3. bananasareberries1 says:

        I like where this is going. A small virtual fight. Grrrr…😉

      4. angie says:

        This is true. Your Viagra has worn off so you must Blog yourself until the doctor will refill your prescription…

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      That can actually be insulting to the many amazing people here sharing their authentic stories, working thru their pain and finding comradery here.
      You are incorrect.

      1. angie says:

        Clarece, you are a teacher’s pet, and a twit.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Ok. I’ll own that sh*t!

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          Teacher’s Pet! Ah, it’s good to be me today!

    3. You are incorrect, mouse avatar. I suggest you read the “Ask The Narcissist” book series and see many of the questions we have asked Mr. Tudor, answered in a very professional and helpful manner.

    4. E. B. says:

      @MouseIcon – Your comment is disrespectful and out of place. HG is putting a lot of time and effort into this blog, he is answering *all* questions and helping each and every one of us posting here.
      Very few therapists, if any at all, devote most of their spare time to helping people without expecting something in return as HG does.

      1. Nothingbutsomething says:

        LOL…seriously? I don’t think Tudor would be doing any of this if he wasn’t getting anything in return. Do you think he is doing it out of the kindness and love of his heart, to help us/ his victims? Read more closely and you might see exactly what he is getting out of this.

      2. E. B. says:

        @Nothingbutsomething
        You are distorting the meaning of what I wrote.

        “Time and effort” (what I was speaking about) has nothing to do with “kindness and love” (your interpretation). For example, therapists/doctors helping their clients/patients do not necessarily do it “out of kindness and love of their heart” (your interpretation).

        Yes, I know why HG is doing this. He has explained it several times. People reading and commenting here appreciate his answers and comments clarifying how narcissists perceive their world.

        Other people here said that HG Tudor’s work is helpful. He is helping indirectly. Showing appreciation for someone’s time, effort and help does not automatically mean making someone “a wonderful person” (your words in another comment below about what I had ‘supposedly’ meant). Again, this is *your* interpretation but not what I actually wrote.

        I understand that this blog can be triggering. If you wish, you can have a look at another blog on WordPress.com called ‘After Narcissistic Abuse’ (ANA). It is not written by a narcissist but it is very helpful and validating as well. Hope it helps.

      3. E. B. Why don’t you go lick his body clean, then?

        1. E. B. says:

          @For my sister
          I wouldn‘t want to offend your refined taste.

    5. Entertainment says:

      Symbol, which pseudo profiles belong to Tudor? We can probably out the supportive ones. I think you are on to something I know which one is his that’s why I ignore It comments. 😂😂😂The good doctors are done with the clone.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Amuse me, who is the clone?

    6. Claudia, is it really you?!!! You said you would only reply to posts directed at you in future. Did you change your mind? Well i’m glad you did!
      But i disagree with you. I don’t think HG would converse with himself lol!

  26. Nothingbutsomething says:

    Being discarded made me weak. 8 years I was his primary fuel. Now I’m just pissed off after reading Ghosted and Gilded. Or I should say pissed off at myself for still being weak after everything I have learned and for wondering and contemplating on how do I become his only, I want to be his only fuel, and trust that he comes to me for it!! I’m so screwed up!!

    1. jarwithaheavylid says:

      Go easy on yourself. You have Stockholm Syndrome.

    2. Love says:

      NothingButSomething, I felt like this after each discard with my narcs. I wondered when they would be back and how could I take care of them again and pour my love into them. I yearned for them. This feeling does pass. It takes time. It doesn’t just disappear over night. What you’re feeling is normal.
      Remember, this too shall pass.

      1. Nothingbutsomething says:

        Well I pissed I have to waste another minute making someone else gratified with my pain. That’s why my name is Nothing but something. Nothing I want to be, but something I can never be. Nothing but something to be used and devalued to make someone else flourish and succeed.

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