Does Not Compute
Technology is a boon to our kind. It enables us to reach more people than ever before for the purpose of a quick squirt of fuel or as part of the orchestrated campaign to seduce our next victim who will be our primary source. The prevalence of social media platforms, blogs, chatrooms and the like provides us with a ready audience for us to declare our brilliance. Whether it is a pithy tweet, a photograph of our latest cycling adventure on Facebook, the culinary achievement that has been shared on Instagram, there are so many ways to herald our magnificence. We do not need to be near to these people. The reach is millions and therefore when we receive a praiseworthy comment, a like or love indication from the relevant button then that sudden dose of fuel comes our way. It is an almost instant hit. Fire something out across the electronic ether and in a matter of moments a reliable dose of fuel will come winging its way back. What a wonderful and simple method.
Even better is the use of our computers to search out targets, vet their online information to ascertain whether they would be suitable for our purposes and then to mine for information which can be used in the seduction of our targets. It is all there. The computer us used to find the information which forms the bedrock of our campaigns and it is also the instrument of our campaigns. So many repeated ways to bombard somebody with our supposed love. Our incessant application and monitoring. The ways in which we can keep in touch with different prospective victims as we assess who will be best. The way we can develop your replacement as we feel that your positive fuel is waning and your devaluation is just around the corner. The way we can triangulate you with a piece of machinery as our eyes remain locked on the screen as we engage in our online flirtations and gathering of fuel. The computer is truly our friend but it is also very useful for you to understand what you are dealing with.
Our use of the computer is a telling indicator of who you are dealing with. Whether it is a tablet, laptop, PC or mobile ‘phone (after all you are really carrying a small computer in your bag or pocket these days) you can expect to find similar secretive and furtive behaviour from our kind when it comes to the use of the computer to further our machinations. The computer is the nerve centre of our operations and as such it is something which we will guard. Accordingly, you should be aware of activity and behaviour such as: –
- Closing the computer down when you are nearby;
- Switching screens when you are nearby;
- Refusing to let you use the device;
- If you are able to use the device, we will not allow you to know the password and instead will enter it for you;
- If you are able to use the device, we will hover over you whilst you do so;
- If you are able to use the device you will find that the e-mail account is either locked or is empty, the search history is clear, there is no predictive search element in the search bar which may give away previous and frequent searches and documents are locked down.
- If you are given unfettered access to a computing device then it is highly likely that we use a different device for our dark works which you do not know about, otherwise there is no way that we will allow you to use such a device so freely. In this instance you need to have identified other red flags to indicate it is more than likely that you are engaging with a narcissist to raise the prospect of us using two computers. If there are no other red flags your unfettered access to the computer will purely be as a consequence of the use having nothing to hide and he or she will not use a secret device.
You would do well to consider the computing habits of the person that you are with and especially so if you have suspicions that you are dealing with one of our kind. Understand that the computer (in its various forms) forms the platform for so much of what we do. Gathering new victims and seducing them, organising and executing your devaluation, orchestrating the smear campaign against you. You should know that the computer is a tool which is used against you and you can utilise it as a barometer of our attitude towards you which will then in turn allow you to understand what you can expect to happen.
So much of what we do occurs through the electronic medium because that allows us full reign to portraying what we wish to portray to the world at large. It allows significant access, it provides a platform for heralding our achievements and it is not an exaggeration to state that it forms the engine room of our activities.
We will never allow you access to our computers but if there is a shared device then you should look out for two things. The first is that after we have used it, our e-mail inbox, browsing history and messaging will be cleaner than a contagious diseases research lab. This situation will persist for some time. The second is that when there is something to read in that inbox, from that browsing history and those messages you ought to know that we wanted you to see it because your devaluation has begun and this is the electronic bait that has been set to provoke you. Bear in mind, this is just what we are prepared for you to see for the purposes of gathering fuel. What is really going on our devices that we will not allow you access to (and the ones you do not even know about) is far, far worse.
20 thoughts on “Does Not Compute”
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I have a question….do people expect to just be able to have access to a mobile phone/computer etc belonging to someone else? I personally would never dream of just being able to have access – and I wouldn’t expect them to assume they could access mine. The person I was briefly with, made a great fuss about his phone and how if I ever asked to look at it, he would run for the hills. I pointed out that I had no intention of trying to look at his phone – why would I?
Hi flick…yes people have asked to use my phone. A phone in particular is a very private device. Id never ask to use someones phone unless it was an emergency.
They do ask tho in indirect ways like to look something up on the internet, or they want to see a picture you just took or to use the phone itself to call on. For most people its not an issue but if youre hiding something it soon becomes obvious when you cant just hand over your phone or as pointed out youre hovering while they do use it. Ive turned it off and said the battery was dead to get out of it.
It is private tho and i equate it to looking thru someones wallet or purse.
Yes im certain my hubby is aware. I feel terrible guilt over this every waking hour 🙁 i try to make up for it by being the best i can be in the marriage but i know ill always fall short bc of the affair
He’s staying with you so he must love you Narc Affair.
It’s a lot of work getting your marriage back and the guilt can be a lot some days. One step at a time.
I had to make a decision first. (The hardest)
Then I had to understand what happened to me. I have the knowledge now.
I have also learned so much about myself.
Now I’m trying to fix the marriage.
Don’t sell yourself short!!! As I’ve reached my mid 40’s I’ve learned that everyone makes mistakes and no one is perfect.
I have always loved the story of “throwing stones”
Are you in any counseling? I know it’s not for everyone.
Sending you hugs❤️️❤️️❤️️
Best of luck to you snow white! Your marriage sounds like its well on its way to being fixed and more stronger!
Thx for the hugs 🤗💓
Im not in counselling but my new years goal is to get back in it 🙂
Good luck to you as well Narc Affair.
I know things won’t be easy no matter what you decide but maybe if you want to stay here and keep reading it will help with some of your decisions and give you the support you need.
I’ve found it very therapeutic to discuss everything here. Only a hand full of people know about my whole situation but like HG, some things I only admit here. These readers here know more about me than anyone. Lol
Hang in there!
Snow and NarcAffair, both of you have gone through so much. It is easy for others to judge and throw stones but they don’t understand your pain and agony. I can only fathom how hard it would be to put on a poker face while in such turmoil and torture.
NarcAffair, your words “growing roots around each other” is so powerful.
Hi love…yes its the most difficult aspect of an affair is pretending everything is ok in your marriage life when things go rocky in the affair. So many times ive been worlds away from where i am not able to barely function with daily demands. Suppressing tears so i dont have to explain because im not able to. No one knows not even my closest friends. Next to my counsellor this is the only time ive admitted to the affair to anyone which is very freeing.
When things are good tho i feel complete and almost on a high but i do know its a fake stability. Its all part of the facade but ive played into it for my own preservation.
Hi snow white
Ty for sharing your experience. Your narc sounded very cunning but most are especially greater covert narcs.
Weve been married 15 yrs. The affair has been 6 yrs now. Its been my way of escaping certain realities of the marriage much like a narc uses fuel. I can relate to narcs in this respect not for negative fuel but positive fuel. When you feel good you forget your problems but its only a bandaide and never lasts. To rip it off and go no contact scares me. Then theres the fact i care and love the narc even tho i know theres no future there aside from an affair. In reality i wouldnt want a future with the narc but he has served a purpose in my life that im finding difficult to let go of and i do have feelings for him. Weve shared so much and not all has been a facade. Ive been there for him thru the death of his father and sister. Weve come to rely on one another but not in the healthiest ways.
Counselling i tried for 2 yrs on my own and they more or less ultimatumed me to make changes or not make further appointments. Marriage counselling i will only consider once im no contact. To relinguish my privacy is not an option.
Anyone in an affair needs to realize the longer youre in it the harder it is to break free. You grow roots around each other and it becomes very complicated. I seen the warning signs along the way and ignored them. Its wrong for a reason and you will suffer for it.
Hi Narc Affair,
Sorry, I just replied and then just saw this one.
Six years is a long time and I’m sure it’s gets harder like you say. Mine was 2 1/2 and the withdrawal was extreme.
No one knows what you’re going through unless they have been on your shoes.
I also understand the counseling. That’s why some people try it and never go back. Their experience wasn’t helpful and becomes a deterrent. It’s too bad. I’ve said that HG and this blog has been more helpful than my therapy but my therapist has learned along with me and now we use HG’s blog and words in every session.
Maybe the strength to end things will be coming soon if that’s what you decide.
This blog has very supportive readers and the honesty from HG ( which is a must )
Sadly these are all true. Being in an affair with a narc several years now im not proud to admit the list below is me 🙁
Deathly afraid to allow anyone access to any of my devices. My phone in particular. I literally get panic attacks and so i should.
Constantly having to cover any tracks and deleting pics or using photo hide apps.
Its not easy being decietful and especially when thats not your true nature.
If i could go back i wouldve never chosen this path. Getting the strength to leave it has been one of the most hardest things ive ever done. I wake up every morning not only dealing with the effects of narcissism but also the deep guilt and remorse i feel. Asking God for forgiveness.
I would never want pity from anyone but please dont judge me or any other in this situation. No one deserves abuse and you dont know why someone chooses to have an affair.
Those points are so very accurate and a huge red flag is when devices like phones and pcs arent freely shared.
Hi Narc Affair,
I was never one to judge someone. I have always said there are two sides to a story and you never know what goes on behind closed doors.
After my affair with a narc my eyes were opened up to a whole new world.
I never thought I would have been the one in a position like but that’s where I was.
I completely understand what you are saying about your phone. I also did everything that you said. All of it was exhausting. The friendship, the affair, the covering up, the manipulation from my ex, and keeping up my job and family. It was a whirlwind of three years.
After 8 months NC I still don’t want to do much but I am a lot better.
I have said before that leaving my ex was the absolute hardest thing I have ever done but it was what was best for me.
This blog has been the number one thing that has helped me get this far.
How long have you been reading this blog?
Hi snow white
Ty for your post and also for not judging. If theres one thing i have learned from all this is its so easy to pass judgement on others even narcs.
Im not excusing the affair by any measure but there were yrs that lead up to it. I guess a stronger person wouldve divorced then started new but i admit im not that strong and i do love my hubby. I just am not in love with him 🙁
The worst part about affairs are when things go rocky its hard putting on a fake front like its all ok particularly in a narc type affair. Its incredibly difficut to hide the tears and upset while carrying on a normal life. I guess thats the price for doing wrong.
What made you break it off the affair if you dont mind?
Ive read this blog a couple months now and its further opened my eyes to narcissism and also myself. A definite learning journey!
No Narc Affair,
I am learning a lot about what happened in my 20yr marriage that led me into the affair that I was in. I wasn’t a person with low self esteem or with any abuse in my life. I thought everything in life was moving along just fine.
My ex started out as an acquaintance and moved to best friend then an affair. I then accepted her marriage proposal while I was still married. I knew deep down it wasn’t what I really wanted but I was in sooo deep that I just continued on with the plans to be with her. I did love her but it shouldn’t have moved past the friendship phase. But after listening to HG that’s not what her intentions were from the start and I didn’t see it. She kept pressuring me to sign the divorce papers and I asked for a divorce but I didn’t expect my husband to keep fighting for the marriage not to end. He knew deep down I was having an affair with her. And he also knew she was controlling me the whole time. I didn’t listen.
I said goodbye and haven’t seen her in 8 months. There r days I still miss her and cry because I loved her but I was heading into a polygamist relationship, isolation from family and friends and financial insecurity.
I’m still healing. Still emotional but I have made a lot of progress. I am in marriage counseling with my husband and have weekly sessions by myself.
I will be dealing with the repercussions from this affair for a long time.
How long have you been married? Does your husband know?
I am beginning to feel absolute hatred for this man I so loved and trusted. Hatred and disgust. Two things I very rarely feel. This all makes my skin crawl. I was targeted, attacked, lied to, used, abused and I never saw it! Until it was over. Even then, I questioned my own feelings…even now, at times. Yes. Hatred. Deep dark hatred. I must become indifferent. I will…as soon as I have scrubbed my body of every cell he ever touched. Subspecies.
Yes Computer blues…….Everybody needs a little Prince on a Friday….
https://youtu.be/6KJA4PVZvQk
Thanks for the Prince ABB.
Nice to see at the end of the week.
You did forget to mention the manipulations you do on our computers and mobile phones, if you have a little bit technical knowledge. A good medium to control us in a technical way.
He never had access to my computer. He never knew my private e-mail address. He never knew….
He did not know my real income. He did not know about my saved money. In the past I was a little bit ashamed, that I did not trust him. Now I am very proud of it.
That is covered elsewhere Mona.
I knew, there would be some kind of reaction. Thank you for training.