The Greater Narcissist

 

the-greater

 

This is a Greater Narcissist. There is much to write about the Greater, but for now, a snapshot shall have to suffice. We have met Lee the Lesser and Malcolm the Mid-Ranger. There are lots of Lees and Malcolms. Lots of them. In fact most people who have ascertained that they have been ensnared by a narcissist will have entangled with either a Lee or a Malcolm. This is Greg, Greg the Greater, a rare beast indeed.

“Hello, what was that?” asks Greg.

“Hello Greg, I was just explaining that you are a rare beast indeed.”

“Oh completely, how good of you to notice and may I say just how delightful you look today, you have done something different with your hair haven’t you, it really suits.”

I cannot help but smile and look pleased at this remark. I know I shouldn’t but this is the problem with the Greater, they are ever so charming and before you know what has happened one has given them some fuel, told them something they wanted to hear or agreed to do what they want.

The Greater exhibits considerable charm. Charm is one of his prevalent weapons. With the Lesser it is raw aggression, with the Mid-Ranger it is the ability to draw sympathy, but with the Greater he uses charm to achieve what he wants.

His charm manifests in many ways. Courteous, polite, amusing, well-read, urbane, complimentary and attentive. But this charm is a combination of considerable intelligence, confidence and planning. Out of all of the three schools of narcissist, the Greater knows the benefit of planning and scheming. He is always gathering information, storing it away, logging it for later or immediate use.

“You are the master at gathering information aren’t you Greg?”

“How very kind of you to say so and I cannot deny that,” he responds with that slow and engaging smile of his. See how he holds my gaze, boring deep inside of me? Of course he is just reflecting back at me what I want to see, after all, he is an expert in the art of seduction. He is an expert in most things, he has to be, the world cannot be afforded any glimpse of weakness, any hint of the loss of his control. He must project an image of success at all times.

     Greg knows that the foundation of his success lies in planning and preparation.

“Greg, what is your view about preparation?” I ask.

“Every battle is won before it is ever fought,” he responds in a matter of fact. He is deadly serious. To him, every engagement in his life is a form of battle. Every person he interacts with, every situation he faces, every scenario he is engaged in – all of them are battles and he has to win every one. Even if he appears to lose, he will have allowed that to happen for the sake of a future win.

     Greg knows that to forge his rightful and entitle path through life he must secure these victories and win. He does so by ensuring he knows his enemy. Everybody qualifies to be an enemy because the Greater knows that the world is against him and if he gives any quarter, this cruel and heartless world will seek to topple him. He may be a Greater but the wariness and paranoia applicable to all narcissists is just as applicable to him. Greg understands that he has to know who he is dealing with and this means gathering intelligence.

     By the way, than unflinching stare has remained focussed on me. The attention from this handsome individual is both unnerving yet oddly engaging. He uses his eyes a lot. Do not think however that when he is staring at you, mirroring your own desires, so you become trapped like a deer in the headlights that this is all he is doing. No, not at all. He is evaluating, considering his next move, what to say next, gauging how I will respond. The Greater’s mind is always whirring, thinking about the next move, ascertaining how to seize the most appropriate advantage. Normal people would find it exhausting but not the Greater for he, among all of the narcissistic brethren has the greater energy levels. This of course means he has the highest demands for fuel but he is also the most effective at gathering this fuel. This effectiveness manifests in two ways. The first is the methodology applied and the second is the range of appliances at his disposal.

     The Greater has the widest range of manipulations at his disposal. He is well-practised and able to match, with considerable accuracy, the best forms of manipulation to his victims. Of course he relies on understanding his appliances, knowing what they like and dislike in detail and achieves this through extensive information gathering through his own questions, the use of Lieutenants, conducting background searches and so on. He has had many victims and therefore knows how certain types of person are likely to respond to certain manipulations. Admittedly, he will not get is right every single time, but his error rate is very low indeed. His effectiveness is heightened through how driven he is. He must succeed, be the best, be the sparkling diamond at the centre of the crown. Leader in his field. Champion. Conqueror.

     Like a master artisan, he selects only the finest materials (victims) on which to work and then he applies his deft touch through carried manipulations from his Devil’s Toolkit. All of this is done enveloped in charm. He has people do things because they want his praise, his approval, his largesse, his friendship and is love.

     The Greater also has extensive fuel networks on which he relies. Unlike the Lesser who has a narrow fuel base or the Mid-Ranger who has a wider one with numerous appliances, the Greater has an extensive and impressive network. Let’s find our more from Greg.

“Hey Greg, who is warming your bed at present?”

“Why are you interested?” he asks as he places a hand gentle on my arm.

“Oh this is professional purposes only, “ I respond trying to rebuff him, but the hand remains unmoved. He is confident and assured.

“I am ever the professional.”

“I am sure that is the case, but tell me, who is on the arm of Greg?”

“I have a girlfriend at present.”

“Just the one?”

“Yes, but there are others, certain ladies who know me well who I can call on if I need to.”

Those are his intimate partner secondary sources, his friends with benefits and booty calls.

“How many?”

“Four,” he replies without hesitation.

“What about your friends?”

“I have six guys I regularly knock around with, plus two good female friends.”

Those are his inner circle.

“Then maybe another twenty or so people I know well through golf, football, the pub, you know, I see them every so often.”

Those are his outer circle. More secondary appliances.

“What about work and family Greg?”

“Well I head up a department at work so I have a team of eight working for me and I am on good terms with the other directors.”

More secondary sources there through colleagues.

I let him continue as he explains how he is well regarded by his family (more secondary sources), his neighbours, people in his community, the people he knows through a charity he is a trustee of (lots of tertiary sources). His network of fuel appliances is vast and he can rely on it regularly to ensure that his considerable fuel needs are catered for. It is rare to find a Greater running short of fuel.

     The Greater knows what he is. His higher cognitive function allows him an awareness. He may know that he is a narcissist, since it has been pointed out to him and his increased cognitive function means he can understand and relate to it. Of course, he knows not to admit this to anybody, unless he sees a distinct advantage in doing so. In some instances he may not know that he is a narcissist but he certainly knows that he is different from other people. He knows he is special, talented and destined for continued greatness. He knows that it is necessary for him to control his environment and people, for if he does not do so, he feels weakness gnawing at him, unease and the threat of the loss of his superiority. He knows that he must maintain this edifice that he has built and this is done through having people react to him. He may not know it as fuel, but he knows how important it is for people to respond to him. He knows he must receive admiration and anger, love and loathing, adoration and abhorrence. These power him and allow him to achieve the things he knows he is entitled to. He recognises he does wrong, but does not care. He knows he has no conscience, no sense of guilt, he knows he has a reduced emotional repertoire because from years of observing and listening – as opposed to just doing as the Lesser and Mid-Ranger does – he has learned what he does not feel, not that it concerns him in any way.

     Greg knows that charm, manipulation and persuasion are they key attributes to staying number one and having people do as he wants. He wants to own people, make them his, subsume them into him and he understands why this must happen, because it makes him all the more powerful, all the more effective and all the more able to keep his creature locked away and never heard. Greg knows that his Machiavellian nature, his duplicitous nature and slavish devotion to the doctrine of the ends always justifying the means, results in him staying on top of the pile. He is proud of his orchestrations, his status as Supreme Puppet Master. He knows that people are there to do his bidding, to be moved where he wants them to go, to carry out his wishes and best of all, they often do not even realise that they are doing it.

     Of course, Greg is no fool and understands that when the velvety caress of his subtle manipulations is not working, then the iron fist must be deployed. He has no reluctance to dole out his innate wickedness. He will ensure that this is either done through a proxy or if it must be by his hand, then he will reduce the risk of retribution and consequence to him. He evaluates. When that apparently loving gaze becomes the inky dark stare of malice, the whirring mind is plotting to ensure a most malevolent outcome for those that cross him. Whilst the Lesser and the Mid-Ranger will act with malice, theirs is nothing to the concentrated vitriol that the Greater possesses and will unleash when he deems it appropriate. This is another factor which sets him apart from his brethren ; the sheer evil that he is capable of and that will be readily applied in order to preserve his position.

     The Greater will pursue for longer, hoover harder, use more energy, charm more fiercely, devalue with scathing intensity and channelling the vast amount of fuel he can draw on from the extensive fuel network, this powers this effective machine as he achieves his machinations. The Greater calculates the impact of his words, either to seduce or to devalue. He assesses the likely responses of those he wishes to control and the likely benefit for him. For him there can be no end, the games must always continue and he must always be wining and be seen to be winning.

 The Greater may often be hard to detect because he is most capable of exhibiting cognitive empathy. He has studied and knows how to mimic with considerable conviction, but this is not a perfected art. He will be prone to those pauses when he is ascertaining his best response and that sudden frozen look will appear, albeit momentarily. The Greater is also hard to detect because he will engage in what appear to be good works. The Lesser is self-centred in a brutal and demanding manner, the Mid-Ranger is self-centred in a sulky, feel-sorry-for-me style but the Greater, well the Greater will show generosity, be charitable and appear to exhibit kindness. He will hold positions of authority, trust and responsibility. They are put part of the carefully constructed façade on which he relies more than any other type of narcissist. He builds this façade, cements it and uses it repeatedly. His apparent good works are but a veneer of respectability which are either:-

 

1.      Committed because there will be a distinct gain arising from this act in due course – for example, lending someone money to then have them repay him through actions and loyalty ; or

2.      Part of furnishing the façade and thus a worthy sacrifice for the maintenance of this artifice.

Be in no doubt that this apparent sugary surface coats a venal and vicious individual who will never stop in the pursuit of victory. Cruel, perverse and utterly self-serving, behind that engaging smile and warm handshake is a cold and calculating mind.

          Of course Greg would never admit to any weakness, unless as usual, he saw an advantage in doing so, but he has them. Like all of his kind he hates criticism. It burns and wounds and he uses his considerable control to keep his fury under control. Furthermore, the innate confidence and superiority that Greg has means that an objective observer will regard him as not necessarily appreciating certain risks to the extent that he might. Naturally, Greg would reject such a suggestion as failing to understand, however, there is an over-confidence which exists, which might, not always, but might lead to occasional difficulties for Greg the Greater, although of course he is equipped to address those difficulties using his customary charm, malice and manipulation.

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127 thoughts on “The Greater Narcissist”

  1. Well worth waiting for, HG. Thank you. I have two questions if you have time to answer. 1) what is the Greater’s Achille’s heel or are his fuel sources so vast that even if you wound him it’s no big deal for very long?
    2) what does the partner of the Greater get out of this deal emotionally? I have often noticed that the same Greater who is currently turning my stomach always seems to wind up with what seems like a perfectly nice partner. Don’t they know he’s a pond pretending to be an ocean?

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    1. 1. Like all of our kind it is criticism and especially when toppling the Narcissistic Pillars as described in Revenge.

      2. They gain what they want (to begin with) because it is mirrored back at them – thus love, affection, dedication, passion etc.

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  2. I just read The Greater and I am curious if the greater would use tactics such as gaining sympathy which is common for the mid ranger depending on the audience? Would The Greater determine a stronger connection can be made, say with additional secondary sources/appliances by using the means to gain sympathy, where he is completely different towards his main means of fuel and comes across as strong and confident? I am curious if The Greater would switch back and forth depending on the audience, and his instincts on what would gain the resulting fuel from different sources.

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  3. HG,

    You may have already been asked this before (but I have not seen it yet) — how old were you when you knew you were different? Have you always known how to manipulate or did that come with time?

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  4. Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others and commented:
    My ex. I like to refer to him as The Christian Chameleon because this is what he is. He seeks out women on online dating sites which enables him to better hide his real character. Be prepared for the roller coaster ride dear but just know you’re not the only passenger. You are just his new target.

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  5. I still find it amazing that someone who has all that charm is the one who is doing all that manipulating. It’s too bad.
    I got my pants charmed off and my heart broken.

    I went to sign up at a new gym today and felt like fresh, new meat.
    I can only imagine how many narcs were in that one room. I refuse to let them stop me from doing what I started to three years ago. If anyone talks to me I will be able to pick them out immediately. If I take my earbuds out.

    LOVE, your bingo card would be filled up here. Lol😉

    HG, have you targeted anyone at your gym?

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      1. I was able to walk into that gym without any anxiety and confident that I will be able to spot your kind.
        I have learned an enormous amount from you and I thank you HG

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      1. Oooohhhhh Love,
        It sounds beautiful there. I would never want to leave. I bet you meet lots of people there😉

        The one I was at was just a typical gym. Nice equipment and people of all ages. Too bad I can’t go back.
        This new one has a different atmospheres. Lots of hard core fitness people and body builders. But I liked the classes and the the set up.
        I figured out I need to stay away from the shake bar. The men were congregating there. Lol
        And I think I should stay clear of the women’s sauna. Lol
        Not taking any chances but if you were with me you could. Lol

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      2. Lol Snow I’m laughing so hard because I spent 3 hours both yesterday and the day before in the sauna area. And I always get a smoothie before leaving. Eating and sitting around are my favorite activities!!! 😀

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      3. Love,
        You make me laugh!!! 😂
        Do people approach you and hit on you all the time? I bet they do😉😉
        You must have a blast there.
        I did at my other gym and I got in trouble.

        Maybe after I’ve identified all the members I’ll try some of that out. No narcs for me!!!

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      4. Thanks for the video Love,
        Brought back memories of Ray Bans and Oakleys. 😎

        HG, how often do you wear sunglasses?

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      5. I was just curious to see if they were an every minute staple in your life. Some can’t leave the house without them and like Twilight said they are used to check people out. I know you observing all of the time.

        Your eyes must be mesmerizing because you have been very successful with catching your targets.

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      6. Don’t let these silly narcs stop you from doing what you most enjoy. I’ve gotten a few come-ons, but I think they were married men. It is a family gym and the parents use the adult pool as a break area – to drink their stress away lol. I don’t flirt back because I’m afraid to discover a wife and 3 kids ☺

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      7. They aren’t stopping me Love!
        That’s why I’m going back. I did enjoy it and got results there.

        No wife and three kids!!!!! 😫😩Lol
        Enjoy the pool for me and have think of me when you have a drink.

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      8. Lol Snow I have to stick to the smoothies and steer clear of the alcohol. Liquor brings my walls down. That’s blood in shark infested waters. Cheers 🍹

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      9. Smoothies it is Love!!!

        I get myself in trouble with just a drink and a half. I’m a lightweight.
        One night started with a pitcher of margaritas and I ended some place I shouldn’t have been. 😉
        She always was filing up my glass as soon as I took a drink.

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      1. What???? Oh no Not So Sad.
        How did it start?

        Well I will be going in there a different person now. I won’t be making friends with the staff or members. No more giving away all my life’s info freely.
        And I’m not exchanging numbers with anyone. Too bad I can’t wear my sunglasses.

        How are you?
        ❤️🍎❤️

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      2. Hiya SW. !

        He was just there with all the other gym users . I recognise now many of them ” somantics” ( if only I’d known ) ..but you do now 🙂

        I’m doing okay ty. I’m glad you’ve got back to something you enjoy . Go for it SW !

        I can read changes in you’re posts . Love it xx

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      3. Glad you are doing ok Not So Sad!!

        I’m going to be rolling my eyes when I hear all of them using their lines on the others.
        They will stick out like a sore thumb.

        Hugs back❤️🍎❤️

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  6. I have a few questions:

    1) Can you give a personal example of when having to show empathy towards someone over a situation, you were frozen and what is that struggle like internally finding the right words? What type of scenario throws a curve ball to HG?

    2) On your other article today, “The Ten Initial Narcissistic Desires”, you say, “We have these wants at the outset of our coupling with you. These are genuine, well-intentioned and considerable in nature. We are imbued with hope, optimism and confidence, every time a new prospect has been embraced by us. We want these things so that the teeth are never bared and the claws remain lowered.

    Are these sentiments as strong with a Greater as with the Lesser and Mid-Range? Here you state a Greater looks at everyone and everything basically as a battle to be win. Seemingly from the onset. Are you longing, truly, for someone to match you, challenge you and quell all the wickedness and battles?

    3) Does Greg stand for the G in HG?

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    1. 1. If it is just me and the other person outside of seduction and with no façade to maintain, then there is no need to provide even the semblance of empathy.

      2. Yes they are as the battle to conquer you through seduction as a Greater is not one where the teeth need to be bared nor the claws exposed.

      3. No it doesn’t Clarece. The G stands for God.

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      1. I, of course, do not have access to Mr. Tudor’s entire pie… I just get bits and pieces of it. Quite yummy though. My tastebuds say it’s French apple pie.

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  7. Narcissists aren’t great, not a single one. They are all messed up children who can be easily manipulated because they are narcissist, don’t believe a word nor action of a sociopathic narcissist and therefore they get caught up in their own manipulation.

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    1. Easily manipulated? Very rare it happens. You have to know what we are to be able to consider doing that, then you need to be in a position of strength and invariably you are not because of the effect of devaluation. You then face a battle as we strive to maintain the upper hand. It is not easy.

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      1. I guess it depends on the individual, narcissist usually pick individuals already “hurt” which can be a plus or a minus, devalue may have little to no effect. It depends on the individual. A person could “catch on” because of past experience and wake up and switch things around and become the “gamer.”

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      2. You have made it extremely easy for us to manipulate the lesser and mid. Void of any emotions.

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    2. I agree with you Kat.
      I was with” The Greater”. Very quickly I realized what kind of game he plays. I am very intuitive person and also I have very high IQ( mine is 154 and his only 129). Therfore, it was very easy to me to manipulate him. I have always been 2 step ahead. So I felt sorry for him at the end. I think it is really sad that they are what they are. Sad indeed.

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      1. If it is easy then why are we all here? I have always had hints of awareness of what the problem is. but it would really be something if I could step out of it completely. My ex used to try to make me jealous of women on TV, pathetic. When that didn’t work he became much worse at flirting with other women, and that hurt. I was still sinking if not drowning.

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  8. H MY GOD!! This is HIM to a tee!!! Ive been hanging for this blog. HANGING!! And…as usual, you havent disappointed HG. Im amazed at the accuracy, of just what the narc that was in my life WAS/IS!!
    Youve written what Ive always known, but could put into words. THANK YOU

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  9. I am uncertain but I know I just encounter a greater. I noticed him at the doctors office, I was reading and responding to your posts. I can say I was bored but I wasn’t. My appointment was for 12:30 pm, I arrived at 12 : 15 pm. I believe it had to be around 12:45 pm the sitting area was nearly full only 3 seats available. Which is great for Kaiser.
    This tall handsome gentleman (???l) arrived his distinguished voice or his ability to draw attention caused me to look up. Keep in mind, usually I go nuts after 30 minutes of waiting with an appointment 😊
    All the girls were fawning over him. His ability to make them laugh, he signed in and went straight to the back. He spoke to draw attention and the girls were literally mesmerized. He was able to circumvent the process and I heard him give a brief explanation as to why he was late. Keep in mind he never took a seat in waiting area. By this time I was like take a seat as a matter fact take several. Wow, they were so stuck on stupid with the 10 minutes he allowed them I sat there for almost a hour they forgot I had signed in. 😐 I can not say he was a greater based on that observation however, most normal people probably would have taken into consideration that others were waiting to be seen and not try to circumvent the process. Several patients were complaining. He was completely aloof to the fact.

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  10. Question HG. I had a ‘situation’ shall we say. One Greater, full of rage and fury. A second Greater also (unbeknown to me at the time). 1st Greater RAGED at Greater number 2. Greater number 2 was stone cold. No emotion. What would be the dynamic there? Does one have ‘more power’ over the other simply because of the rage effect? It was amazing to watch in retrospect. Thanks heaps.

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    1. Something had ignited the fury of number one and number two was able to keep his or her fury in check. As to who had the more power in that situation Lisa it is difficult to say without the full facts, but I would say that number 2 will have been drawing fuel from number one’s reaction, so on that alone, number 2 has more power.

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      1. Thanks for responding HG. The story was that the Greater 1 had been malignly hoovering me for quite some time (It lead to an Intervention Order). The Greater 2 had me lined up as his next IP (along with others). Because I gave G1 no attention, eventually he exploded, in public, at G2.
        I have learned that the Red Flags I saw with G2 were indeed no imagination on my part. So…..he’s out of the picture now too.
        Another question please: would G1 have known G2 is a narc by his reaction, or lack thereof?
        Thanks heaps, again.

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      2. Mr HG how would you react if there was a man or woman with a really bad attitude who showed you a lot of anger and rage for no real reason? Would he/she be considered a good appliance?

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      3. That’s interesting, I wouldn’t expect that.
        I thought the anger was pleasurable because you were causing it.
        Have you had any interactions with women who show annoyance and anger at you without you having to do anything?

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  11. Note, this fine gentleman was in his late 50’s or early 60’s. The ladies at the front desk range in ages 20 to 40. 😊

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      1. Thank you HG.

        The person I have in mind has definitely changed over four years I have known him.

        When I look back to our first interactions, he seemed very impulsive, seeking thrill, reckless even, with poor control over his impulses. Over time he has become more quiet, deliberate, able to plan and control himself to a greater degree – to the point that reading your description of the three schools – I begun wondering if he might be the greater kind. The passive aggressive traits are pronounced, and a pity play is his favorite method of hoovering – which would point to the mid-range. But some of the comments he’s made to me suggested he knew what he was. I am a bit confused, and would like to be sure – so I know how to deal with him and what to expect. Is there any test I can apply to my past interactions with him (I am NC right now) that could help me define him ?

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      2. Hello Ava, based on the brief information provided (and I appreciate it is difficult to try to include the pertinent information) he strikes me as an Upper Mid-Ranger. If you want a detailed analysis and response the most appropriate way to address it would be through a private consultation.

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  12. SW who says you cant wear your sun glasses?
    They use theirs to scope us out, use yours to scope them out and be prepare for any encounters. Seriously HG is arming you, anything can be used as a weapon or self defense. Just depends on how one uses what is available.

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    1. Good morning Twilight!
      I have worn sunglasses more in the past year than in my whole life. Lol

      I did check out all the “NO” posting at the check in desk and I did laugh.
      “No pictures of your posing”
      “No group pictures in class”
      I thought the somatics must be everywhere.
      But you are right, I didn’t see anywhere where it said “no sunglasses”

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      1. LMAO! Yes, they have banned any cellphone use (including taking pics) in the sauna/pool area. I bet Somatics are furious, and have gotten their union involved 😂

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      2. Good morning SW
        Lol I wear mine in the courtroom, me being very rebellious.
        Yes I get away with it.

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      3. SW I started wearing mine so people wouldnt see how red and puffy my eyes were and it became a habit, so I understand. I found a loop hole with the courts and dealing with my out laws (as I call them) its easier to observe them with out them knowing I am watching. Some are not the brightest crayons in the box.

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      4. Ohhhh Twilight I understand that sooo well. Most of last year was spent with my eyes just like that.
        I like the word out laws. Lol

        Now I use them because I still cry most days but not all day like I was and I don’t want to make eye contact with anyone. I don’t trust them.

        Do you still have to go to court?

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      5. lol sometimes, not as offend sense I separated from them. I am usually pulled in by others they are taking to court. I actually avoid all contact with them if I can.

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  13. I have never met a greater. Actually, i had never met a narc until my ex, and didn’t even know at the time what narcissism is. How are all these pple meeting narcs all the time? I’m constantly reading ‘my 1st ex-narc, my 3rd ex-narc, my 5th etc. lollll!!!

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    1. PTSD, I’ve yet to meet a greater as well. But I’ve met plenty of the other 2 groups. You ask how do some of us meet so many? They’ve been all I know … All I’ve dated. From narc #1 to #544. Lol I’m exaggerating, it was actually #543. 😉
      If you have been raised in a narc family, then that is your normal. That is what you gravitate towards. We are drawn to each other.

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      1. PTSD
        They are also drawn to other empathetic traits. HG, have written a few posts regarding how the seek us out.

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      2. Entertainment, pleased to meet you! 😊
        I have read those articles you are referring to, and i know they are drawn to empathic traits. 👀
        But my question is, why is it that some pple are always in their vicinity in the first place? ❓❓ 💁

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      3. PTSD,
        😊Vicinity, lol they are all over. In the past we may have just blown them off as clingy or conceited a**holes. It’s not until we become aware and truly entangled by one that we know what and who we are dealing with. The lesser to mid I met through a friend on Facebook. By then I had some knowledge of what to expect from a sociopath. However, the information was vague and I suspected he could be one I decided to give him the benefit of doubt. His interactions with news reporters, community leaders, and youth seemed altruistic. A man after my heart. Lol. Keep in mind I was introduced to him a year earlier by this friend as a connection for fundraising and other shared values. I would click like whenever he posted the work he was doing in the community and sometimes comment. By the time my turn came he was able to mirror my actions as he was me. I became obsessed with working out and physical fitness which is posted regularly of Facebook and I started a fitness and health group . My first PM from him was a workout video of him on YouTube. 😊He asked for me to provide feedback back. Being the empathetic person I am in provide him with Golden fuel. Although, hindsight I later realize he wasn’t wearing gym clothing but was in the gym and had someone recording him with music in the background. I don’t have the energy right now to explain further.
        The relationship that was devastating came from a lesser. The mind f**ing games were ridiculous. When. I met him it was like he was heaven sent. The job I was doing was going to be the death of me. I’d worked for this non profit community service for over 14 years and the decrease in staff and I was the only manager at that time whereas before I had a director and assistant director..I assumed 3 additional roles while maintaining my original duties.
        Also, I had just purchased a 3,300 sq ft home and was in the middle of renovations with a nice but unreliable contractor.
        Fast forward…left the job…left the Narc.

        Now, one of my hobbies is collecting old things and restoring them. (Chalk paint) my best friend😊 Also, I discovered the items I used to buy with tags was worth something to others so I started selling online to popular sites and less popular but more intimate sites where it’s more of a community with women some unable to work due to illnesses, some do it for extra money. OK, I will make this one short. I had a pair of kid sneakers on sale which I posted for my niece. This guy submitted a offer I declined and said I would conference with my niece. He went on to say how much his daughter would love them. I said if they were mine I would give them to her (used shoes) he was like you are so nice can we chat. He continued to messages on the site. Long story short I told him I can’t message him anymore. He went off why do I have to be so difficult, I did this and that. Keep in mind he said he started therapy a month ago. He said he was separated (sure it’s a lie)

        They find us , if we are under a rock, grocery store, school, work, funeral, wedding they smell the fuel like a dog in heat.
        It’s an advantage knowing what we are dealing with in advance. And for that I will be forever thankful to mystery man.

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      4. OMG Love!!!!
        You crack me up.
        One was enough for me!
        I barely survived her. You are one tough, spirited, strong, crazy woman.
        ❤️💙💜💚💛❤️️

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      5. Good question PTSD. I wonder if we (empaths/narcs) send invisible signals to one another. If I’m in a room of people, I will most likely gravitate to the only narc in the room. Likewise, if I’m the only empathic person, that narc will be drawn to me.
        I’ve actually experienced this by going out with a narc girlfriend. She draws nice guys while I draw the controlling domineering ones who want to separate me from my group of friends. I also know who are the narc men because my narc girlfriend will immediately dislike them. They will feel the exact same way, commenting that my friend is bitchy.

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      6. Love, i like ‘controlling’ guys, as long as they’re not physically and verbally abusive. I like pple to make decisions for me since i’m on the fence abt some things.

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    2. PTSD: because I was conditioned that way. When I was 15 I climbed out the window at to escape my narc-parents influence, only to walk directly into the arms of my 1st narc-love. But mostly I say “narc-like” or “narc traits” as I can’t diagnose everybody in hindsight, and for my 1st love I might have been something like a secondary source, I don’t know how he behaves towards his girlfriend and child today.
      However, one after the other with that kind of traits and behavior followed.
      I don’t notice this early on because that’s my “normal”, that’s what feels like “home” (because of my parents and how I was brought up). I also move in circles narcs are drawn to, as HG explained. Where many caring people come together. But they obviously recognize me. “Normal” guys always seemed too boring to me.
      You might meet as many as we do, but you are not drawn to them and v.v.

      It took me 36 years to meet my higher ex-narc, too … Nobody suspected anything outside of the relationship. My best friend knows how my ex-narc is like as I had told him everything and he believes me. But he also says that he can’t imagine my ex-narc without his charming mask and seemingly rational talk. Other socalled friend didn’t believe me because he always seemed so sensible.

      If I had met one before I didn’t get entangled with in an intimate way – I wouldn’t know! So you might have met one but for some reason didn’t get involved with him.

      If you’ve been raised in a truly loving, healthy home, you might not start a relationship with one in the first place, because you might recognize that something is wrong very early on. To me, it’s “normal”.
      I met one of my ex-boyfriends last weekend and I asked him all those questions I would now ask someone on a first date, and also watched his reactions, etc. I didn’t know back then but he certainly has at least narc-like traits or is a lower narc. No empathy, verbal abuse, need to be superior, no need for self-improvement, emotionally unavailable, etc. And I always thought he was very normal.

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      1. Haha, ptsd. 🙂 But HG said he thinks he’s met empaths who came from loving families, too. But he didn’t say if he engaged with them.

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  14. Mine wrote and published books about what a great CEO he is. His newest one is about the sexiness of confidence. The irony. “This is my world. You’re living in it”.

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  15. HG,
    Very nice to make your acquaintance. Thank you for the information you provide. I’m a greater’s intimate. Questions forthcoming.

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  16. Question for you, HG. Obviously, what you have titled as a “lesser” is capable of rape. But what of what you have titled a “greater,” when it comes to rape? When a woman doesn’t want to do it, cries and clearly says no would a “greater” commit rape?

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    1. All of our kind are entitled and do not recognise boundaries. All will deny that what they have done could constitute rape as a consequence of the narcissistic perspective. A greater will invariably commit the act forcefully and maintain a denial if accused. The Greater will cause a blurring of the lines in order to maintain plausible deniability.

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      1. So then, the lesser and the greater are the same in that they are both rapist, (capable of rape). HG, thank you for your detailed answer. Everthing thing they do they deny. Yes. Of course. Of course. Denial means nothing though, denying reality doesn’t take reality away.

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  17. I have always wondered why some narcissists are so sloppy compared to others and this fits the bill.

    My question is whether a greater narcissist knows when he or she has been figured out?

    I just tend to perpetually repel greater narcissists (I can recall three in my life that avoided me). My friends call me the B.S. filter.

    Anyway, what is it that repels the greater narcissist to the point where they avoid me? Do they know I know??

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  18. This guy, Greg, reminds me the song “You’re So Vain”, by Carly Simon. Perhaps is an oldie (1972), but he remains exactly the same. Timeless.

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  19. HG,

    My friend is a speaker and a preacher. Everybody wants to be his friend and they put him in a pedestal. He covers his tracks by preaching on stage at churches to thousands at the time. He also claims to be an expert in relationships (big joke, just got divorced). It seems the more evil he does, the more clients he gets and the happier he is.

    My question: Does the greater ever fear (or believe) in karma? What goes around, comes around? Have you ever experienced it?

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  20. HG,

    My friend is a speaker and a preacher. Everybody wants to be his friend and they put him on a pedestal. He covers his tracks by preaching on stage at churches to thousands at the time. He also claims to be an expert in relationships (big joke, just got divorced). It seems the more evil he does, the more clients he gets and the happier he is.

    My question: Does the greater ever fear (or believe) in karma? What goes around, comes around? Have you ever experienced it?

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    1. Hello Beewitch,

      1. I have little doubt that a Greater would use the concept of karma against those who are perceived as treacherous and disloyal;
      2. I do not believe in karma.
      3. People often misunderstand what karma is – it is what happens in this life reflects in the next. It is not what goes around comes around, in this life.

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  21. Very informative article. I’ve a few questions.
    1. Can a Greater sense another Greater? Is it true that they might behave friendly but sense each other’s manipulations and are repulsed from each other by that?
    I think it is very likely that I’ve been married to a Lesser (recently escaped and now no contact) however my mother-in-law and my father are both Greaters and they detest each other. On the other hand, my father has given me tons of useful advice regarding my forthcoming divorce.
    2. Is it true that Greaters might change as the time goes by? I have noticed that my father has become a bit more emphatic or at least attempts to listen to me – though still our relationship is the one where I need to keep my distance.

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      1. Oh I see. I have an impression that my father is striving to get a revenge on my mother-in-law and my soon to be ex husband by advising me on such legal steps which in his mind would extract the most money from them during divorce proceedings but also (as I see it) would cause WWIII. Is it because he needs fuel from the other two narcs (however my MIL is now 100% no contact with him) and from me getting frustrated? How could I possibly retain my grounds in this situation? I’m in therapy for over a year and am now able to detach and break ties with my husband or my MIL but I am still in the process of healing this father wound.

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  22. Fascinating HG! I wonder… What would happen if one greater narcissist were to confront another? If that person was to say “I know what you are because of what I am?”

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  23. Hi HG,

    thanks a lot for your efforts – already learned a lot 🙂

    Few questions:

    1. You know Greater ones that meditate?
    2. Could a greater one even become the leader of an ashram?
    3. Could a greater ever go for silent retreat? Say for ten days? Even longer?
    4. What would happen with a Greater in solitary confinement?

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    1. Hello Newbie,

      1. I do not.
      2. Possibly.
      3. Possibly – depends on the precise nature of the retreat.
      4. I will tell you when I have undertaken the isolation project.

      3+
      1. Cant wait to hear how your isolation project goes hg! Itll be a learning experience for all involved 👍

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      2. Hello, Tudor,

        Will it be a complete isolation? No phone? No internet?

        Will you try to dig into your “internal world” and your childhood memories?

        For how long will it last?

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      3. Total isolation. No phone. No internet.

        I suspect that will happen regardless of whether I want it to or not.

        I am aiming for three weeks.

        1+
      4. I am looking forward to the results of the isolation project. If its meant to bring fear from past to the forefront and deal with them great. What if you no longer fear the creature? What if you learn to accept it or choose to discard it completely.

        Imagine that, having the power to face the rest of your life not fearing the creature or dependent upon others for fuel.

        I look forward to reading about your experience.😊

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      5. Noname’s statement beginning with “hello tudor” – 😂😂😂

        3 wks?!!😱😱😱
        It’s too much!
        Even i wud not b able to tolerate it and i don’t have npd.

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      6. HG

        I don’t like this isolation project, for reasons you know.
        Will you tell us before you go?
        Some made need to be prepared for your absent.

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