Elasticated

I become easily bored. I think it is as a consequence of how clever and brilliant I am that my mind is always racing. It is rushing over and over, thoughts and ideas percolating through it. I therefore need to be stimulated and kept occupied. This translates into my relationships. I don’t know why, but after a period of time I just become bored with whoever I am with. I usually tell them that you’re the one I like best, you retain my interest and you’re the only one. Somehow this changes. I have often considered why this happens and I have reached the conclusion that is a combination of me becoming easily bored and that you become irritatingly clingy. Rather than realise I have become bored, you hang around and this begins to irritate me. In order to get you to understand that I do not want you anymore, I have to resort to more and more nastiness to drive you away. I must confess though, in most cases this seems to have the opposite effect. It is odd. The harder I try to push you away, the tighter you cling on and this then angers me. Every so often however there is a spark of interest and I remember how it felt before and somehow I must reflect that to you as you seem pleased. It does not last long and the all-encompassing ennui comes crashing back down again and thus I have to push you away as I try to find someone new, something different to engage me. Yet still you remain, repeatedly dangling and left in limbo. The occasional glimpses I provide you of how things used to be really do draw you back and give you some kind of misplaced hope that I can rekindle what we once had. It never can be done as my sterile state returns and in order to fill that I can no longer turn to you. You remain is a state of suspension, bouncing back and forth as if joined to me by a piece of elastic. I won’t cut it and neither it seems will you.

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30 thoughts on “Elasticated”

  1. Take me out of my misery! God can’t you let me go? I know I am great and everything, but you continually pining after me , it’s really getting annoying. Look. You live in another country. We are never going to be together. Face it. It’s over. Yes it would have been great, but I have grown tired. There is no other way to say it. It’s over. Let me go!

    Didn’t that make you want to stay? Come on you wanted to re conquer me. Don’t live a lie HG, the pushing and pulling is the best part.

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  2. This one hit home big time. I keep wondering why it is that a co-dep/narc relationship doesn’t last. How It’s not ideal for the narc as the co-dependent will keep up giving. If you have an active co-dependent they’ll even be less clingly then the passive. I am a co-dependent, somewhere between active and passive. The narc was scared shitless every time I got too close. And yes the story above resonates oh so well. It’s just funny that the narc will discard the one person that would give their life for the ones the love. We are the co-dependents and empaths. Why do narcs become cowards around us?

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      1. I believe in showing confidence even when you don’t feel it. Showing confidence usually leads to feeling confident. And it makes you look less like a victim.
        But I do like to entertain….

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      2. Holy Crap! I just had an epiphany! The reason he got to me was because he already knew me – he didn’t have to get through the shield (Your bullets can’t harm me – my wings are like a shield of steel!) He knew me as the 15 year old girl who adored him and used that against me. Damn damn damn!

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      3. It depends how and when it manifests. Confidence usually equates with the provision of fuel which is naturally something that is desired, but if it is used defiantly and without fuel, but is challenging and wounding, it may need to be dealt with.

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      1. Lol. PTSD you’re too cute. Really I DO love y’all. (Excuse the Texas slang.) The plural of ya’ll, btw, is “all y’all” here. I love that nickname “Super” its super!!

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  3. Greaters are fun to hang out with until they employ the “I Hate You Don’t Leave Me” engulfment. It would be nice to get on the ferris wheel and get off when the ride stops, but they want to say when the ride is over.

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    1. Exactly, MsSevyn. 😉 My ex-narc didn’t like that I enjoyed his entertaining skills, information and sharing of music, e-books, etc. – but immediately ignored and completely blocked him at the very first sight of downhill-movement. It took him quite a while to understand that he wasn’t getting anywhere with me and that his charm wasn’t working anymore. 😉 He’s stayed away so far.

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  4. HG,

    Do you get bored with everything else in your life or just people?

    Are narcs are thrill seekers in other aspects of their life, e.g. into activities that are competitive or exciting because there’s an adrenalin rush?

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    1. I find certain things boring and need to be stimulated but I am fortunate in that I get to do various things with various people which allows the garnering of fuel and the rejection of boredom.

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      1. what are you referring to when you say “various things”? Sexual in nature? Do you do different sexual things with others? If so, what makes you decide what you want with who? I was always curious if my N did different things with different women. Not because the women suggested but because he wanted to. After all he is always in control right?

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      2. Yes I do. Fuel causes me to decide. Certain people will be more amenable to certain sexual behaviours and they will find others abhorrent, thus dependent on fuel needs I will decide which are the better ones to apply.

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