The Super Empath

the-super-empath

 

It is well known that our kind target those who have empathic traits. Just like those of my persuasion operate on a spectrum, those who exhibit empathy do so as well. There are those we might regard as the “normals” those people who have some narcissistic traits and some empathic traits. As ever, when I use the words empathic and empathetic I state them with reference to certain traits such as empathy (clearly), honesty, kindness, decency and such like. I do not use the words in the sense of being in tune with the world and the environment. The normal are in the centre, possibly leaning one way towards my kind or the other way towards your kind. It is extremely rare for a normal to be ensnared as primary source because put simply, they do not cut the mustard. Their emotional responses are not sufficient, their empathic traits whilst evident are not sufficient to either bind to us or provide us with the fuel that we need. Such a person would easily pass a homeless person begging, a person crying alone on a bench or somebody who had fallen off their bike and injured themselves. They are self-absorbed but not to the degree that our kind is. They will help if they really have to, but they do not go out of their way to act in a way that causes harm to anybody else.

Thereafter come those who are empaths. Empaths are always targeted as primary sources. They often fulfil secondary roles as well. They are rarer in a tertiary source position since if they are an empath, they would be better suited to either being a primary or secondary source. We would not want those empathic traits to go to waste. The empath has a good range of empathic traits those of honesty, decency, having a strong moral compass and being a good listener, just to list a few of them. They may not have all of the empathic traits that we look for, but they will have several and exhibit them in a concentrated form. Thus this person would look to donate to a charity, hand a wallet in that was found in the street, help a stranger who is in distress, sit and listen to somebody who has problems and acts of a similar nature.

Next comes the Super Empath. This person is not a co-dependent. Both the Super Empath and the co-dependent have many, if not all of the empathic traits that we look for and they have them to a stronger degree than the empath. For example, both might take the homeless person under their wing and take them to a shelter, maybe even house them themselves for a period of time. They would try and locate the person who had lost their wallet in order to hand it back in person rather than say hand it in at a police station first. They will listen to the person with problems and then offer practical solutions to resolve those difficulties. The co-dependent gains validation from such acts through giving and has to do this to an excessive degree even when it goes beyond what is good for themselves, such is their inherent addiction to the act of giving and selflessness. The co-dependent may not actually be that strong an individual (they are in the sense of the abuse that they can soak up) but they are not strong as they have no identity to assert, they must form one through self-flagellation, giving and not taking. They are masochistic in nature, driving themselves to the point of collapse and illness because they lack the strength to escape and the desire to do so from the clutches of our kind. Lesser Narcissists and Mid-Range Narcissists hook up with co-dependents especially because they give, give and give but do not fight back. They challenge themselves, blame themselves and always make excuses for their abuser.

The Super Empath is also a giver but whereas the co-dependent is masochistic in this giving, the Super Empath does so from a position of strength. They hold their ability to empathise, to heal, to fix and impart goodness as a great gift and one which ought not to be abused. They are drawn to our kind less because of the co-dependent’s need to seek validation of identity through a narcissist, but more because they are initially attracted to the apparent emotional output of the narcissist. The false strength which the narcissist exhibits at the outset of the seduction, the confidence, the apparent satisfaction with his self, that he appears comfortable in his own skin, at ease with others, capable of lighting up a room and so forth is a huge attraction to the Super Empath because that person actually sees something of themselves in the narcissist when the narcissist is seducing. That is not to state that the Super Empath is a narcissist. Far from it. But the Super Empath is just as engaging as the narcissist and thus there is a mutual attraction. The Super Empath is also more challenging to the narcissist and therefore is usually the recipient of some Mid-Range narcissists and most often the Greater Narcissist. This is not because the Super Empath is awkward or reticent but rather she will be forthcoming with her empathic traits once she feels that they have been earned. Accordingly, the narcissist must put the extra miles in, in terms of seduction to ensnare the Super Empath. This person needs to be coerced into sharing the fruits of their empathy but once that trust has been earned, once the gate has been unlocked the benefits are huge. The Super Empath shines with empathy, glows with decency and pours forth delicious fuel.

This continues during devaluation. The empath and co-dependent are easier to “break” in terms of causing negative fuel to flow. The Super Empath is made of sterner material and will resist the negative machinations of the narcissist at first. This may result in the narcissist dis-engaging if he does not feel able to impact on the Super Empath and seeking fuel elsewhere. The Greater knows who he has ensnared and knows once again he must unlock the fuel source, this time negative, of the Super Empath and once it is done the tidal wave of fuel is to be enjoyed. The Super Empath will remain, wanting to fix the narcissist, exhibiting again the same empathic traits of others on the empathic spectrum, but again being made of sterner stuff, their descent towards numbness and malfunction is far slower than that of the empath. The Super Empath will keep providing the fuel but deteriorates at a slower rate. The risk factor however with a Super Empath is that their own personal integrity is greater than the empath’s and very much greater than that of the co-dependent and consequently of all these three classes of empath, the Super Empath is the one more likely to make a bid for escape and thus leave the narcissist with a cessation problem.

The challenge of unlocking both positive and negative fuel proves an attraction for the right type of narcissist because this allows him to assert his superiority and enjoy the challenge. The reward is magnificent. Excellent fuel and such that deteriorates at a much slower rate. The downside is the potential for the Super Empath becoming “aware” of what is happening, becoming unwilling to dedicate further energy to staying with the narcissist to fix and to heal and thus escaping. The Super Empath requires fairly careful management by our kind, but the rewards always mean that this person is a challenge which is often accepted.

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37 thoughts on “The Super Empath”

  1. Hi HG. As a super empath I can say very simply that the only reason I have ever logged on to your kind is that you are very cute. When in addition to that you are very funny, and very successful OMG what a package. If you are bad in bed none of that matters and it will be so long, goodbye. Or if the monster is shown in any capacity, and I’m good at even spotting a hint of it, it will be so long goodbye. Or if YOU get too clingy it will be so long goodbye because you will have destroyed my sexy image of you. Just thought you might be interested in seeing this from my side and knowing that are shades of extreme shallowness and narcissism even in my kind.

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  2. Seems the greater narcissist and the super empath are quite a combination. I’m a SE and he’s a GN. This and your supernova vlog describe our dynamic to a tee. HG, As a GN, do you prefer and intentionally seek out SEs?

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  3. I think I am a super. I was unbalanced pretty quickly. Within 5 months I was trying to push him away and escape. When I think back, we were reaching nowhere in our relationship discussions. He was neither telling me he loved me or not. It was clear there was no way it would work. At about that time, he ramped up his need. I ended lending money. The. I stopped hearing from him. Reading this and what I know, I am imagining he knew I was going to drift away, even though I was long distance. I wonder if the loan was a latch ditch effort to hang on to me. Keep me bound by money. Another narc suggested that once and it seemed crazy. But I had been escaping.

    Do you know and have a sense that supers are getting away? What tips you off?

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    1. Indeed I do, they set off the alarm as they try to climb out of the window.
      It manifests in the appearance of the more narcissistic traits – the attempts to assert boundaries, being more challenging, complaining. It is all fuel but it moves from hurt, confusion to a more focussed angry resolve.

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      1. And how do you respond to control it?

        Is it likely the money was to keep a connection? Even so far away?

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      2. And would one of those manipulations be the blocking dance? Runs away in a fit of rage, blocks me one place, then me, not being done (last word/addiction), finds a way to connect that requires him to allow the contact or accept and he accepts immediately. It has taken me forever to figure that one out. I used to think he maybe regretted his impulsive moves and that is why he accepted contact. But if I am SO horrible, so awful, so terrible, no on would have block communication or block one place and within 5 minutes, accept a communication somewhere else. Its sick. I was clueless.

        What if someone were to entirely delete their social media so that all the places those half blocks are going on, would no longer have any power. He doesn’t get to do that to me, I remove his control. He has NO control over the communication AT ALL. I realized, and tell me if this is true, that allowing him the POWER to block me, is also feeding this Ever Presence. I can’t even use FB anymore cause all I feel is this sick game on there. But I feel it internally, this half wall he plays with all the time.

        Would it totally let the air out of you if you lost the financial string (my boundaries and rage kicked in and I forced him to pay me back involving a few people, too), you lost your block/social media dance functionality … would you feel the air go out of you if someone did this? Not block you back, but just DISAPPEAR?

        Thank you SO much HG. Of all the reading I have done, your blog has really has driven home that this game of manipulation is all it’s about. Nothing else.

        When I thought I never mattered (He said so, acted so, hated me that much) I always was mattering in some way, just never ever how I thought or wanted. And if the ONLY way I matter to him is this sick game of fuel? Then I will take away ever single bit of it and just disappear. Not block him. Disappear.

        what do you think?

        Thank you…. a narc once on another board along time ago was the one to suggest he manipulated money from me as a way to keep me connected to him. I just had NO context for that. None. And he did need money, but he had other resources. So the money, the blocking games, it’s all fuel. All hurt, fuel and just ugly behavior.

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  4. There is a lady in my neighborhood, who walks early in the morning. She has tasked herself with being our street’s saviour. She throws the paper at your door, when you were fine with it by the drive-way. She chats with all who pass by, taking the time to know everyone, even if they’re in a hurry. She shows her concern and helps those who have had a misfortune, without waiting to be asked. She vigilantly watches the street, observing all who are coming and going. Yes, this woman is awesome in knowing your name, your family, delivering food to you when you’re sick, and keeping the neighborhood safe of the boogie monster. She does not seek accolades or validation and does this purely from her heart.
    But honestly, it is annoying. She’s a busy body and needs her own life. I appreciate her goodness, but I think it comes from a place of boredom. Being seen as a superhero is subjective.

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      1. Hi Twilight. I love and appreciate her food. The reason I’m annoyed is silly. She throws the paper at my door to clear the sidewalk, but I’ve told before I will get it later. And sure enough it is always at my doorstep. Lol it makes me think she’s goading me on. Or maybe she’s just being a good person and I don’t know how to receive her goodness.

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    1. Altruistic narcissism. The act of giving enhances the narcissist’s sense of omnipotence, his amazing generosity, and the secret contempt he holds for others. It is easy to feel superior to the recipients of one’s generosity. Narcissistic altruism is about exerting control and maintaining it by fostering dependence in the beneficiaries.

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      1. I don’t regard describing such an act as altruistic narcissism as accurate. Altruism is an act which benefits another which is at a cost to oneself and devoid of any reciprocal response. Whilst I agree with you that we give in order to enhance our omnipotence, that we appear to exhibit largesse and generosity, that we remain contemptuous and maintain our superiority, we also do it in order to effect a gain, to have the recipient do something for us, whether it is the provision of fuel, the submission to our control or the commission of an act on our behalf. I agree that our apparent generosity fosters dependence and exerts control, but I would not describe it as an altruistic act, but rather it is Agenda Giving or Ulterior Motive Generosity.

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      2. Thanks for clarifying that. I simply knew it as altruistic narcissism because my good doctor refers to it that way. I can see your idea is acceptable as well. 🙄

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  5. I think I just found who I am in my situation. Even reading about your kinds confidence, sense of self, and how you can light up a room makes me smile and i know that is exactly what made me want to try to find a way with my greater narcissist but like you’ve said, we tend to figure it out and leave. which i have been forced to do becuz of his actions. but damn….. there it is…. in black and white… and its too sexy lmao

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  6. HG
    honestly all of these posts are just a strait miracle, forgive my grammar i just dont care lolol id rather be fast. the timing of you posting all of this for me is a miracle. i absolutely needed this information. its so hard to understand for me being an empath…. and just backed with the idea that even animals feel empathy… but knowing MY love i want to murder his father….. i want to go back in time and save my soulmate…. i would give anything to be able to do that.

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  7. Yet again, H.G helps me to make sense of what makes no sense! Thank you.

    Would you oblige me H.G and riddle me this….. (sorry it’s quite long, but the majority is ‘background’, hopefully the question itself won’t take up too much time)

    I see a lot of myself in this article, along with ‘carrier’ traits from another recent article. I am caring, compassionate, put myself in other’s shoes, will help where I can etc, *but* if someone has demonstrated that they ”don’t deserve it” (it can take a while for me to reach that point 😉 ) , I wish them no ill, hope they can sort ‘it’ out, but basically once I’m done, I’m done, and am comfortable to leave them to it and walk away guilt free. Of course, this is easier to do with some people than others, and I’m not quite ‘free’ of the emotional sea of this entanglement just yet (I have some really bad days where I am an emotional puddle, not that I let him see that. Empaths can wear masks too) ….. however I can see the shore of the dry land. It’s more a case of the practicalities of extricating my life, my stuff from his house. So I am sitting tight until everything is in place for me to leave lock, stock and barrel. Clean break, I want to leave no trace, and have no cause to ever come back. That’s complicated for financial and practical reasons. Full no-contact won’t be possible after I’ve left, but I will minimise interactions as much as I possibly can.

    Through your works I have realised a lot about myself as well as about the narcissistic people I seem to end up having dealings with (not just intimate partners). Some have been easy to blank from my life, some less so, but I also realise that I have cut *every single one* of them out eventually, including my father who I only recently realised also behaves in narcissistic ways, and will drain me no more!! If they have tried to hoover, they’ve definitely not been successful in the long term.

    I ‘instinctively’ shut of the fuel lines towards the end of last summer (again), and partly as a result of me becoming more aware of the manipulations, and partly because I think he sensed that this primary source was not going to go back to being a good little fuel-source this time, the discard came at Christmas.

    I would put him firmly in the mid-range-victim class, I am sure there is no prospective primary source, and he is relying on secondary sources to get by. It is difficult for me sharing HIS space, and part of me is waiting for the day where the power that has over me will be used. There are residual benefits for him with me still being here, but not fuel, the thing that puzzles me is that he is seemingly more respectful of me now than when the formal relationship existed,. Why on Earth would that be??

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  8. To clarify, he seems more ‘respectful’ (for want of a better word) of me being a separate entity with boundaries, not provoking me etc since the fuel ran out and he discarded me (with regard to a formal relationship). I don’t think he’s getting fuel from me, he doesn’t even seem to be trying, (although I expect I am being smeared) he also doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to ‘get me out’.

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  9. This article is very unique along with the rest of your website. I have almost exclusively dated narcissists; A lesser, a mid range, and a greater followed by the greatest, all in that order.

    Everything you have described is accurate. My only silver lining is learning that I am likely a SuperEmpath.

    The Greatest even told me how he had prayed for his future soulmate to have sufferered as I had in my past, so that he would meet someone who could truly understand him. It’s actually quite impressive work.

    I only find myself attracted to Narcissits. Each experience has built my tolerance for emotional abuse, but none prepared me for the next.

    It wasn’t until the Greatest that I knew none of this was a coincidence. Midway through our relationship I realized what may be going on. I called him out, he successfully convinced me that I was paranoid and projecting my anxieties from a past abusiver onto him… again, impressive.

    But, I think he knew how much work it would be to keep things up after I described my past relationship, how I viewed it, how I had overcome it, and then listed to him all of the things he may never do to me. These triggers included teasing, dismissing me or any question I ever have, eye rolling, anything condescending, etc.,

    …the number one being to never dismiss my questions or patronize them.

    He soon slid into slight chaos, the emotional roller coaster was rapid, and within a month of the relationship starting it was all over. It all happened very fast, as I’m sure you know.

    …I was very much under his spell. I was far from ever abandoning him and my self-esteem was completlely crushed. But I was asking him some questions and starting to notice that they weren’t getting straight answers. I was actually covertly trying to investigate an issue I suspected he was having with alcoholism in order to help him deal with it… perhaps he thought I had other intentions? (he did have an alcohol problem and it caused his mask to slip early on, which triggered me and prompted me to list my non negotiable triggers.)

    I’m now wondering why he broke up with me so soon? I know he had more time… or was he just going to initiate hoovers in the immediate future (like my first greater had.)

    Was he satisfied with depleating my self esteem? Did he detect I’d realize soon? Did he mistake my alcoholism suspicion for Narc detection? Were my rules too difficult for him to follow in his game?

    After he abruptly ended it I responded with the utmost dignity, integrity and grace. I agreed we’d be good friends and left with my head held high. I hadn’t even realized he was a narcissist, or what a narcissist really is, but my dignity was unbroken… I spent a few days extremely upset, then on the third day my Self came back, and I knew the entire relationship was all bullshit and abuse. I thoroughly blocked him with zero notice (I’m very good at it at this point) and haven’t heard since. It’s been about 2 weeks.

    Anyway, in addition to my question about why he chose to break it off at that time (only a month? He could have gotten way more fuel, and it was very rich fuel) I also am wondering what he may be experiencing now?

    Thanks HG

    Ps, I’m also wondering what you personally get out of sharing these insights?

    Best,

    J

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    1. Hello J, I enjoy writing and weaponising empaths through the provision of this information appeals to my perverse sense of humour and god-like view. As for the other questions, in order to do them justice these are best addressed through a private consultation.

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  10. Why would a narc tell someone they are not their type then? Especially if they can down grade to anyone and seem to have no standards then?

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      1. So it was never true then. Just another trick. Neither true, nor untrue. What a whole bunch of a nothing person. Not counting Amanda because I think she is your delusion, your hope, your savior, have you ever net someone who maybe came close to your edeal of her? Aside from types as in someone with the right traits, do you have a type or are those traits your type?

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  11. What would highly sensitive people (HSP) be classified as? Can a HSP be a covert narcissist? They seem to share similar behaviors and reactions.

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    1. I am not familiar with the concept of a HSP as some kind of class. Certainly I know people who are highly sensitive to the words and reactions of others in terms of empathy and they, are of course, empaths. If one is highly sensitive in terms of feeling wounded by the words and actions of others then that degree of sensitivity does stray into the realms of narcissism.

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      1. Ok, thank you, HG! Also, what is the personality type of narcissists according to Myer Brigs personality test? (ex:/ ESTJ). Is there a correlation? Can a narcissist fall under ENFJ? ENFP? INFJ? INFP etc. etc. you know any one of those with NF in it?

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  12. Dear Mr Tudor, I think I used to be just an ordinary everyday garden variety empath, constantly being the people pleaser because of all the abuse thrust upon me as a child, wanting to be loved by just being me. However, I believe I may have elevated to the “super” category because I desperately wanted to fix all that was broken.
    I’m honest, a giver, not a taker, I trust waaaaay too easily, to my detriment. I’ve never felt good about myself and because of my easy going, cheery good nature, I’ve fallen prey to manipulators. I finally made a stand and will not take anymore abuse. Your powerful blog stirs all the raw emotions, because it’s real!
    I wish you could spread your gifted craft in schools so as to be forewarned with your immense knowledge, awareness and prevention of abuse which I never had! I’m so grateful and relieved having come across your wealth of information. I hope I have been of some assistance. Thank you kindly dear Sir.

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  13. I do apologise Mr Tudor, this was meant for your poll about “what cadre are you” … sillyolperson

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  14. Your different then I. Yet something about you draws me near. Initial attraction being I can’t read you. I can read others so very well, most everyone actually. But your different. I want to understand you. Everyone else is so easy to understand. Not you. You glow almost. It’s inticing, your confidence. I can’t feel your feelings like everyone else. I want to know your feelings. That’s the attraction coming from the end of the super empath.

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