The Narcissistic Truths – No. 161


167 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 161

  1. 1jaded1 says:

    My original question remains in moderation so I will refrain from asking more.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No it’s not, it has been answered.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        The one about the concerned neighbors…will they sell their house if they saw your product in or around my house? I see it still in moderation.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They would not necessarily sell their house but they would probably find it strange seeing certain of the products in or around your house.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            Thank you.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            You are welcome.

  2. indiglowsky says:

    Speaking of “G”, where is Maddie (aka seduced, broken)?

    1. Love says:

      Tudor slammer.

      1. indiglowsky says:

        Awww Maddie made it to heaven πŸ˜‰

      2. indiglowsky says:

        Awww Maddie Made it to heaven

      3. Love says:

        Yes lucky girl. They wouldn’t keep me in there. Booted me out after 1 night.

  3. BraveHeart says:

    I may always attract your kind, but he (or anyone like him) will never get hold of me again.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Seize the power BH.

      1. BraveHeart says:

        Thanks to you, I will, HG!

        So, I was wondering, while reading all the comments above (and so many more in other articles), what your thoughts/feelings are (if any) when you read that people are now seizing their power and it’s all because of you and the work you’re doing?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I expect nothing less.

          1. BraveHeart says:


  4. Twilight says:

    Would you want to know if someone put the puzzle together HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Which puzzle?

  5. Correct…but I know how to find the red flags now πŸ™‚

  6. 🌹 says:

    You should just get a Lovotics Love-Robot.

  7. Lucy says:

    What is your opinion about the concept of an “Inverted narcissist” (a narcissists who relies exclusively on a grandiose narcissist to get his or her own narcissistic supply)? Is that possible or is a just a codependent with narcissistic traits?

    I’ve seen at least two cases that could fit that concept. One, apparently a very emotional one, plenty of fuel, being together with an Elite for more than a decade and very happy to be with him. Another one, a somatic, maybe lesser, with an attractive one, submisive to him but very manipulative towards others and taking care of bringing new friends as fuel for him.

    (Both girls kindda remind me one character of the movie Rio, the she-frogf who is crazy in love with the arrogant old owl)

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hello Lucy, I do not categorise in terms of an inverted narcissist. If someone relies on someone else for fuel (whether that other person is a narcissist or not) then that person is a narcissist. It is simpler to understand.

  8. Babax2 says:

    Sorry missed a few:
    Im currently happily divorcing one of the biggest mistakes of my life! I am free, and quite liking it! I’m financially secure. Work full time, take holidays, spend lots of time with friends and fam…blah blah

  9. Babax2 says:

    Ok, gotcha.. so after the discard, no contact , life is grand. He’s history.. stalking continues right?
    Lets just say on my dating profile… about me:
    happily divorcing the biggest mistake of my life!!
    What does your kind feel about that?
    Hope to hear from you?πŸ˜‰

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is a criticism. It wounds.

  10. Maria says:

    The bottom line then might be this:
    You Narcs need us Emphats to exist
    and so we emphats need you in the same way.
    I need you and you need me.
    And they all live happily hating and hurting each other ever after.
    The end.

    1. NarcAngel says:


      Thats a pretty accurate summation.

    2. A true story.

  11. 🌹 says:

    H.G., I think, stands for “Hope Given”. You want to give us hope through your helpful writings.

    1. Flickatina says:

      Oh I hope not – how disappointingly cloying!

      1. 🌹 says:

        You would find it disappointing if his initials stood for: Hope Given? [Not sure if this reply was to my comment]… I would not hope, that you did not hope, that H. G. stood for ‘Hope Given’; unless you prefer Sociopaths and Sadists over the more kind and caring variety of people… Perhaps, H.G. would not wish to be known as ‘Hope Given’, but I would hope that others would hope so. Well, I would hope so anyway, even though I hope against all odds, which some might hope is not the case because then I’m being Codependent and putting myself in jeopardy.

        1. Flickatina says:

          Hell’s Guardian may be more accurate….but I appreciate what you are saying. And no, I do not prefer sociopaths – or at least I don’t think I do.

          1. 🌈 says:

            That’s good, Flickatina 🎁

    2. BraveHeart says:

      I like that “Rose”. And Tudor (tutor) stands for teacher – Hope Given Teacher

      1. Sunshine says:

        Where did you hear that? From what I understand, the surname Tudor was taken from the Christian name Theodore or its Welsh equivalent. The Tudors wanted to distinguish themselves when they came down from the valleys to mix with the royals, so they took a whole new surname.

        1. BraveHeart says:

          I heard it from my son. When I first told him about “Knowing the Narcissist” and that his name is HG Tudor, he liked it just from the standpoint of the last name sounding the same as that of an educator; i.e. Math tutor, English tutor, Narc tutor, etc. I never thought of it that way myself, until he said it.

          1. Flickatina says:

            Behind the Name: Meaning, origin and history of the name Tudor. Welsh form of the old Celtic name Teutorigos, meaning “ruler of the people” (cognate with THEODORIC). As a surname it was borne by five monarchs of England beginning with Henry VII in the 15th century.

            Ruler of the people – how very HG!

          2. BraveHeart says:

            Thank you for sharing; however, he has said “Tudor” is an alias πŸ€”πŸ™„πŸ€§

          3. Flickatina says:

            Yes – but he probably chose Tudor as an alias for that reason.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            It’s because I like the crisps.

          5. Flickatina says:

            Showing your age there….

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Or my ability to use google.

          7. Flickatina says:

            Nice try…

          8. HG Tudor says:

            I know a lot about British history between 1603 and 1714 but I am not over 400 hundred years old!

          9. Flickatina says:

            And there was me thinking you were immortal! Such a disappointment…

          10. NarcAngel says:

            But your wisdom and grace spans centuries my Liege.

          11. HG Tudor says:

            I cannot disagree.

      2. 🌈 says:

        Nice, BraveHeart β€οΈπŸ’™

      3. BraveHeart says:

        Thank you, 🌈


      4. Sunshine says:

        Thanks, Flick!

      5. Sunshine says:

        That’s wonderfully positive, BraveHeart.

        It made me think of Henry viii, the second Tudor and the most famous British monarch.

        Who funnily enough, defying with law, religion and protocol, cycled through wives as if they were mere baby-making appliances, even beheading a couple of them for good measure. Oh, and his best friend too. Nice guy. Also known for his temper tantrums. It is a theory that he was a narcissistic sociopath. He certainly couldn’t give a stuff for rules and boundaries. He also had an eye-wateringly large cod piece. He was a bit porky, though.

      6. Love says:

        I was just reading along and minding my own business. Then I saw “eye-wateringly large cod piece.” Are we talking about what I think we are talking about? If so, how the heck would anyone know? And what was it measured against? Could standards have been smaller back then?
        Please tell me more!

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Was it bigger than the one Gene Simmons wears. God he is so gross but that tongue…….

      7. Sunshine says:

        Yes Love, a cod piece is EXACTLY what you think it is. Check out any painting of Henry viii, especially where he’s standing there, shoulders broader than an elephant’s rump, legs spread as wide and the cod piece…. My god, that cod piece. Despite Henry’s size, your eye can’t avoid it and is totally drawn to it. Or perhaps that’s just me.

        You should see one of the last suits of armour he had. Standing out and proud and encased in steel, the Royal penis clearly needed a lot of protection.

        But I guess the question is:- was the cod piece the equivalent of the modern-day sports car, for men-of-a-certain age?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Or was it just an “illusion” ? (cue the dramatic dunt dunt dun……)

        2. NarcAngel says:

          SUNSHINE and LOVE

          Down girls! Before you get Jung(al) fever…….codpieces were used to display strength and military prowess so its no wonder the smaller the balls were the bigger the codpiece got. They were also used to contain medicine for the sufferers of syphilis. I do love your description of mouth-watering though Sunshine.

      8. Love says:

        Oh Sweet Lord! Sunshine, I just looked up Henry VIII images! I had never noticed that monstrosity before! Though I prefer Jonathan Rhys Meyers to that ginger any day. Even if he was sporting an Atlantic sized cod.

      9. Sunshine says:

        Now, now, NarcAngel. My words were ‘eye-watering’ not ‘mouth-watering’. Perhaps you’d like to share what you had in mind with your misinterpretation?

        All I can say about those cod pieces is: that they are certainly successful in their aims. You cannot help but look, and once you’ve seen, you can’t help but think.

        Love, are you ok to share JRM?

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Oooops! It appears I was projecting. But its your fault-you started it!

          Ok you got me- blame shifting.

      10. Love says:

        Yes I will share JRM. But Mr. Tudor is mine. Lol okay I will share him too ❀

  12. Flickatina says:

    A bit off topic but HG, what are your thoughts on mushrooms and marmite?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Flickatina says:

        I wondered just how far the evil went πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      2. Sunshine says:

        If he likes salad cream, I’m never coming back.

        1. Flickatina says:

          Bahahahaha!! We all have to have our limits!!

  13. Maria says:


  14. Tanya says:

    I respectfully disagree with your above statement, HG. Confident women with strong emotional boundaries who are genuinely secure in themselves terrify the narcissist.
    The narcissist can smell vulnerability and insecurity like a piranha can smell blood in the water.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      All people have vulnerabilities. It is just a question of identifying them.

      1. Sunshine says:

        H G – what does the ‘G’ in HG Tudor stand for?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          One of my names.

      2. Flickatina says:

        So you admit to having vulnerabilities HG?

        Aside from your need for fuel and your inability to face your demons that is.

        Tanya – Strong, confident women will put off the Lessers and Mid-Rangers – they will represent a challenge to the Greaters.

        But your last sentence was spot on.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t naturally, it is those who are weaker.

      3. 1jaded1 says:

        Even you? Thank you for your answer above. I had an experience just moments ago that contradicts my statement above. Appearances may be deceiving, but they may also be true.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Well I don’t naturally, they are for those weaker than I.

      4. indiglowsky says:

        HG, true. Everyone-empaths, normals, narcissists…

        Do you use this skill of identifying weaknesses as a job duty of yours in your day job?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. indiglowsky says:

            Do you work in a profit making organization?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            Of course.

          3. indiglowsky says:

            Is there a product associated with your job or is it services?

          4. HG Tudor says:


          5. indy says:

            I see. Would this product be something I would purchase? Or have around the house?

          6. HG Tudor says:

            If you had it around the house your neighbours would be rather concerned.

          7. indiglowsky says:

            This is fun. So, is your product bigger than a bread box?

          8. HG Tudor says:

            Some smaller, some a lot bigger.

          9. NarcAngel says:

            Im going with Lawyer with a sideline of sex toys.

          10. indiglowsky says:

            Are some bigger than a house?

          11. HG Tudor says:

            Some are bigger than a house.

          12. indiglowsky says:

            Hmmm, and you are involved in the making or selling of this thing?

          13. HG Tudor says:


          14. indiglowsky says:

            Does it improve the condition of the human race? (Are you just messing with me on these answers πŸ˜‚

          15. HG Tudor says:

            The winners would say yes.

          16. indiglowsky says:

            Hmmm so you make and sell stuff to the military?

          17. HG Tudor says:


          18. indiglowsky says:

            Ok so bigger than a house (sometimes), makes a profit, winners feel it’s great…is there a loser in this dynamic? Not a weapon? OMG, I got it!! You make virtual realities haha. Or the biggest board game ever? Or stadium seating? Bigger than a house…(no NA, those toys do not get that big πŸ˜‚

          19. 1jaded1 says:

            HG. When you say neighbors would be concermed if we had it around our house, does it literally form a barrier around the exterior perimeter of the property? Would your neigbors then put up a for sale sign on their house? Or do you mean around the house as in you invite your neighbor over but forget to put said object away? Neighbor walks in, sees object and backs away slowly….then puts up a for sale sign.

          20. indiglowsky says:

            Is it mechanical based?

          21. NarcAngel says:


            I think its clear hes a nuclear arms dealer lol.
            In other news: im glad you changed your name back . I pulled a “FLICK” and didnt realize it was Indy Glow Sky for a few days. I thought Indyglowsky was you parading some newly found pride in your Polish heritage. Fits of giggles when I realized.

          22. indiglowsky says:

            Hahaha NA!!
            I wanted to keep it Indy but when I sign into wordpress from another computer, it forces me to use my original handle Indi-glow-sky. I have been asked if I’m polish many times LOL. Nope, not a drop as far as I know….

            You know, I was thinking HG was a weapons developer, fits with his lethal yet suave persona. but who knows. He might be the designer for the most amazing Taffy machine ever…like Willy Wonka. Who knows? Willy Wonka was a bit sociopathic.

          23. indiglowsky says:

            Crosses off military and politics.

      5. Sunshine says:

        I don’t want to know your real name(s).

        I assumed HG Tudor is a pen name, an alias. Am I correct?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      6. Flickatina says:

        Sunshine – God? πŸ™‚ Grandiose? His Grace?

      7. Sunshine says:

        So is the G part of the alias, or is that part real?

        If alias, what does it stand for?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I thought you didn’t want to know?

      8. Sunshine says:

        Ha ha! Quite. I do not want to know your real name.

        However, if the ‘G’ is part of the alias, then I am asking, what the ‘G’ stand for?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          What would you like it to stand for?

          1. indiglowsky says:

            HG! I saw that, no stealing from my, er counseling, playbook πŸ˜‚

      9. Tanya says:


      10. sarabella says:

        He said the other day, G stands for God.

      11. Sunshine says:

        HG- it’s not about me, is it? It’s about you. It’s all about you; you and your ‘G’.

        So if your ‘G’ is an alias, what does it stand for?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is not an alias.

      12. sarabella says:

        It os probably His Godliness, lol

      13. Matilda says:

        He sounds like a Henry George πŸ™‚

      14. Sunshine says:

        Henry Tudor, hey?

        I do appreciate that HGs avatar is very reminiscent of the Tudor Rose. As close as you could get on here.

        Henry viii (Tudor) wasn’t necessarily a narcissist or a sociopath. He suffered more than one serious head injury which was said to have led to a personality change. He was apparently a rather affable man beforehand. A very interesting character nonetheless.

      15. Sunshine says:

        So ‘H’ and ‘Tudor’ are your pen name / aliases?

        However, ‘G’ is one of your real names (of which I do not wish to know)?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          H and G are initials from my real name. Tudor is an alias.

      16. Sunshine says:


        1. HG Tudor says:

          That suggestion is a hanging offence.

      17. Flickatina says:


        1. HG Tudor says:


      18. Sunshine says:

        Oh but HG, didn’t you ask me what I’d like it to stand for?

        Gary is nearly extinct, you know. You’d be so rare.

        You never know, it might grow on you.

      19. Love says:

        Hm. I would like to chime in.
        You are related to Charles Greville, who coincidently wrote about the Tudors in The Greville Memoirs.

      20. Love says:

        Mr. Tudor, do you play πŸ‰ rugby?
        Ha! Who knew, there is an icon for that!
        I know the discussion is about your occupation but I think rugby is sexy. ❀

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I have played. I do not play now.

      21. Love says:

        What the heck just happened? My rugby ball icon πŸ‰ went from brown leather to that odd looking thing.

      22. alexis2015s says:

        I can’t reply at the end of this thread. But I know it’s a giant cookie !!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Cut by you, you cheeky bugger. Get back in the corner!

      23. Love says:

        Can you move your ears up and down without using your hands, Mr. Tudor?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          With my fingers.

      24. Love says:

        I am guessing you work in an industry that manufactures equipment for construction and mining.

        1. NarcAngel says:


          Maybe DIAMOND mining?

          1. Twilight says:

            HG mining lol I doubt it would be for a Diamond you can find them everywhere, maybe something more on the lines of Alexandrite. Then again I maybe wrong

      25. 1jaded1 says:

        When you say winners, do you mean “your kind”?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Not necessarily.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            Winners in sports in particular ?

          2. HG Tudor says:


  15. Twilight says:

    HG the pictures you use say a million things

  16. Maria says:

    How can i read the article? where is it?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is no article. It is a meme.

  17. Flickatina says:

    But will you always attract us?

    You will always need us but we will not always need you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Some people shake their addiction to us. Others do not. The fact remains that should you manage to, there will always be another one along soon to replace you.

      1. katanon666 says:

        So mean you are, HG. I have been addicted to your kind for as long as I can remember being alive. Bad boys. Narcissists. Whatever label we want to give them. I finally met one that I think might have broken the addiction this time. I am pretty certain he is a Greater/Sociopath and what he put me through finally has forced me to search for the reasons for my addiction and dig through my messy past (that a lot of I don’t remember because I have an uncanny ability to just bury the bad away, never to be thought of again) and finally try to fix the broken parts of me that attract me to your kind and in turn, attracts your kind to me. We are a match made in hell…My ex used to tell me “I like you so much more than my ex, she would just cry when I was mean to her but you- You fight me like a demon.” Aye, two demons tussling and destroying each other in the process and everything that gets in their way. No way to live. The sick thing is, I miss the battle.

      2. Flickatina says:

        katanon666 – NEVER stop fighting like a demon. You may have broken your own addiction but now you can take up the fight for others. Be that person who interferes – help others break the addiction. The best way to learn is to teach.

      3. Sunshine says:

        Kat- have you considered a career change? One that will allow you to use your need for battle and a) get paid and b) not become emotionally drained. A lawyer, perhaps? Or join a debating society?

        Some empaths have the fight inside them from the start. Use it, and don’t get entangled.

  18. Karin says:

    But why?

    I don’t mean, why do you do what you do? You simply do what you do. As we do as we do.

    By why do we? And why do we attract?

    I hear many people say “trauma bond”. What does that mean?

    Why does it happen? What are we clinging to? A sense of security?

    Security in what? Survival? What is trying to kill us?

    Are we afraid of annhilation?

    1. Sunshine says:

      I think why co-dependants are drawn to narcs, and how they can neutralise that need is a very interesting question.

      Something is being fulfilled. But it’s a damaging fulfilment, and it’s cyclical- the act of fulfilment isn’t the end of the need.

      Sometimes, simply going no-contact with your narc isn’t enough to save you. You will probably walk into the arms (clutches?) of another narc. Co-dependent / empath survival is not just about being able to identify narcs, but indentifying what it is in ourselves that allows us to be drawn to and connect with people with these characteristics.

    2. Mona says:

      Karin (Feb.5, AT 3:51 AM). The security is that you know all that behaviour from your past and you are used to it. So it is familiar to you and you feel secure in some way. Trauma bonding means that you bond much more to a person that traumatized you than to other ones. Trauma is a very strong form of bonding. Love sets you free.

    3. Tanya says:

      @karin: Trauma Bonding

      Bonding is a biological and emotional process that makes people more important to each other over time. Unlike love, trust, or attraction, bonding is not something that can be lost. It is cumulative and only gets greater, never smaller. Bonding grows with spending time together, living together, eating together, making love together, having children together, and being together during stress or difficulty. Bad times bond people as strongly as good times, perhaps more so.

      Bonding is in part why it is harder to leave an abusive relationship the longer it continues. Bonding makes it hard to enforce boundaries, because it is much harder to keep away from people to whom we have bonded. In leaving a long relationship, it is not always useful to judge the correctness of the decision by how hard it is, because it will always be hard.

      Moreover, experiencing together extreme situations and extreme feelings tends to bond people in a special way.. Trauma bonding, a term developed by Patrick Carnes, is the misuse of fear, excitement, sexual feelings, and sexual physiology to entangle another person. Many primary aggressors tend toward extreme behavior and risk taking, and trauma bonding is a factor in their relationships.

      Strangely, growing up in an unsafe home makes later unsafe situations have more holding power. This has a biological basis beyond any cognitive learning. It is trauma in one’s history that makes for trauma bonding. Because trauma (and developmental trauma or early relational trauma is epidemic) cause numbing around many aspects of intimacy, traumatized people often respond positively to a dangerous person or situation because it makes them feel. It is neither rational nor irrational. If survivors can come to see that part of the attraction is, while very unwanted, a natural process, they may be able to understand those feelings and manage the situation more intentionally.

      An excellent book on the effects of trauma (and repair) is The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk MD

      Intense relationships also tend to hijack all of a survivor’s relating capacity. It is like a state of being burnt out. First, while it is very easy to become attached to a very chaotic and inconsistent person, it is simply not possible to form a consistent internal object representation (feeling memory) about them. When separated from the intense partner, the urge to make contact is usually intense because it is a stable feeling memory (or internal object) that makes separation from an important other person tolerable in any circumstance.

      Second. the survivor can come to find that it can be almost impossible to relate to anyone, even family or old friends, except superficially. There is a biological craving for intensity that no normal relationship will satisfy. This provides a feeling of being totally alone, and totally empty. At first, only going back to the primary aggressor can overcome it. It would be normal in this state to believe that something is horribly wrong with leaving (even if it seems equally true that something is horribly wrong with staying. If it can be understood that abstinence from unnatural intensity will eventually restore normal relating capacity, the period of distress can be better endured.

  19. 1jaded1 says:

    Trying not to. Successful for now. That pic, though. I’d rather be there.

  20. mrsdark666 says:

    Not if therapy, awareness and self respect is obtained. Once your mask is unveiled you wont seek me no more. Your power over me has been diminished . You are nothing but a scam of hearts with no substance but your own.

  21. Babax2 says:

    And why is that?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      1. Your empathic traits.
      2. Lack of awareness by most people.
      3. Our needs.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        I don’t have empathic traits. So why?…HG.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Perhaps you give the appearance of having them which draws our kind to you.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        I imagine in your presence, you exude confidence and being dominant (in an alpha male context). Some women could be instantly off-put by that though thinking your arrogant or too grandiose. Yet, it would take someone who is very strong and comfortable with herself to be drawn to that finding it non-threatening and exciting. It allows for that strong, magnetic pull with the instant attraction.
        I’m guessing the majority of your exes have not been the mousy, wallflower types?
        What’s weird for me is JN is the only person who ever pursued me.
        My ex-husband and I were in the same group of college friends for a year and I made the first move. The few other guys I’ve dated post divorce, I made the first move. I never get approached out with friends. I don’t have that issue some do of attracting the wrong kind when I’m out.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          They have had the necessary attributes. To the unskilled observer, the majority appear confident, successful and happy. Each had their own vulnerability.

      3. Flickatina says:

        Oooh! MLA – Clarece – that was a bit brilliant!

        I cannot abide men who do NOT exude confidence and radiate power. Confidence and power are such a magnet for me…

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          I know, right?! I know exactly why I get drawn to those types, even in business / networking situations too. I was painfully shy growing up and in groups of new people, I’m quiet at first to size everyone up. Well that process had to move along much quicker when I was trade show coordinator for one of my marketing jobs in my early 30’s. So with those type of men, they love to tell stories about themselves with you just having to ask a few inquiring questions. Thus giving you time to mentally gauge them and find common ground with and match their stories. It allows some safety in those social situations.
          The difference is I use storytelling as part of humor or to relate to a topic a person is discussing to allow them to feel at ease with me. A narc uses storytelling for the attention or if one-on-one, to mirror what traits you want to see and start the attachment process.
          It used to crack me up when I used to try online dating a few years back and I would get an email from someone with just “hi”.
          Really? That’s all you could muster up? Their pic usually was a selfie, maybe smiling, maybe not, or holding up a trophy bass fish. I just gave you a profile with at least 3 or 4 activities I like. Come up with something interesting to say. Yes, I require an alpha male who knows what he wants.
          In the words of Samuel L. Jackson as Jules in “Pulp Fiction”, – “Personality goes a long way.”

      4. Matilda says:

        Clarece and Flickatina,

        In my humble opinion, someone who thinks alpha male grandiosity is exciting is not ‘strong’, but a sheep ready for slaughter.

        For those who see what lies beneath the shiny exterior of confidence and leadership, such a man is *repulsive*. Because it is clear to her that he is overcompensating, and she will suffer for it!

        On a lighter note, if I could clone myself a guy, I would choose a 40ish model of Alan Rickman. I want the voice – hmmm, so soft, so smooth, like molten chocolate… I want the kindness… I want his fine intellect and humour… I want the gentlemanly conduct – the only form of alpha male display I would welcome. Cannot believe that he is gone…

        1. Flickatina says:

          Matilda – Whilst I am absolutely with you on Alan Rickman (Always!) I must disagree with the rest of your post.

          I am no lamb and I am certainly not offering myself up for slaughtered. It does not follow that every confident, successful man must be a Narcissustic Sociopath. I need a man who will challenge me as much as I will challenge him. I need a man with ambition and drive. That does not make me weak.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Agreed! In my smaller town, finding an eligible single guy who can carry stimulating conversation rather than their latest hunting or 3-wheeling excursion is like a needle in a haystack. Until I figure out any more wounds of mine to heal, it’s why I’ve pretty much removed myself from dating right now. I’m not planning to be slaughtered up for anybody.

      5. Matilda says:


        Confidence in general is a good and welcome trait in man: someone who is fairly sure of himself, of where he stands in life. Someone who knows what he wants, who has passions and goals in life. Someone who accepts me as his equal, and we can learn from one another, and grow together. Someone who has an AURA OF CALM about him.

        I am specifically talking about the arrogant, smug, boastful, grandiose ones!! The alpha male fools! To me, these attributes are not indicators of confidence, they are RED FLAGS! I have not come across one of that sort who did NOT have issues, ranging from being a bully to being a full-blown psychopath. In former, I just could not put my finger on why they disgusted me so much. Now, I know!

        But we can always agree to disagree…

      6. Flickatina says:

        Hi Matilda,

        Oh ok – I see what you mean now – and yes – I agree for the most part.

        Arrogance and smugness are not attractive traits – I usually end up taking the piss out out of them!

      7. Matilda says:

        Hi Flickatina,

        “Arrogance and smugness are not attractive traits..”

        Yes, not attractive at all. Unfortunately, my narc knew that as well. He was very sweet and kind, spoke with humility and grace… probably all the while feeling very smug inside about how easy a prey I was. I cannot trust anything anyone says anymore…

  22. indiglowsky says:

    Really? Even me, Indy Marcher with stealth empathy mode setting?

  23. jarwithaheavylid says:

    Yeah, but this time I’ll have my knife ready.

  24. screwyoudick says:

    Hell I will! Moderate that one!

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