V-Day
Today is V-Day. You know it as Valentine’s Day and I know it is Victory Day because whatever happens today, I will come out on top. Valentine’s Day is now a cynical and manufactured event which tells people that they must exhibit love towards another or they ought to expect to be shown that they are loved. Accordingly, people are compelled to send pieces of card which are predominantly coloured red as some kind of token of their love. Florists go in to over drive to meet the demand as roses suffer their annual massacre all in the name of love. Chocolates, stuffed toys, jewellery, perfume, champagne and many other types of gifts are purchased and presented for the purposes of heralding love. A special meal ought to be cooked or attendance at a venue which has invariably over-booked in order to capitalise on this free-for-all for love and attention. Simpering couples stare at one another, still enveloped in the early stages of infatuation, revelling in this materialistic manifestation of love. He hopes to get laid or at least a blow job later for the outlay of his hard-earned, although of course he would ordinarily pour scorn on the notion of ever having to pay for sex. She hopes for a loving and romantic encounter between the sheets as the cherry on the cake for a delightful evening. If they might break their gaze they would see the jaded couples sat around them, struggling to find a sentence to share which does not involve talking about the children, how hard it was to get a booking and wondering when the food will arrive. They give thanks to their own personal god as they grip their ‘phones and post their location and a picture of the over-priced fizz in order to tell the world, “Look at me, someone loves me, I am not a sad loser on V-Day.”
A day of fabrication and artifice. Yet, against this backdrop of manufactured sugary expressions of love, this a day for us to thrive. All of these superficial manifestations of how love should be shown amount to manna from heaven for our kind. There is not a lot of effort involved – buy a card, order some flowers, make a booking and so forth – do this for the expectant appliance which is being seduced and all the buttons are pressed. Maybe add some panache and sophistication in there should we determine that it merits it. Whether it is an over-sized card or an extravagant and classy piece of jewellery, it all amounts to the same thing from us. It is the simple exploitation of a day of expectations and we easily deliver.
Since we operate in the world of illusion, anything which tells us how love should be demonstrated and moreover how love is perceived by people is a bonus. If the expectation is created by this false festival and the ways of satisfying that expectation are legion then we will readily embrace it and join is to allow us to further your seduction. Christmas, your birthday, Valentine’s Day, Easter, summer holidays and other besides are all excellent opportunities for us to deliver in accordance with a pre-conceived idea so that you fall for it. You expect certain things to happen on these days and Valentine’s Day especially. Thus, if you are in the seduction then who are we to disappoint and we will turn it all up to eleven in order to ensure that your expectations are met and even exceeded so that your intoxication with us continues apace.
It is a false day for false emotions and suits us down to the ground. You have been conditioned as to what you expect and when you are being seduced you will get it and then some and we have hit the ball from the park. Plenty of glorious positive fuel and your further embedding into our illusory world. We thank you Gods of Saccharine Verse and Chocolate Hearts, the Goddesses of Red Roses and Shiny Trinkets for blinding your disciples so we can deliver them your piece of heaven and in so doing advance our own agendas.
As you would expect, this day of expectations is one where we will deliver when it is your seduction and one where will fail to deliver when it is your devaluation. You may not expect the grand gestures which once came in those halcyon days of first seduction, but you do at least expect some recognition, if only to provide you with some respite from this slow and lingering death march you are experiencing as we devalue you. You still expect some sign on this day that we love you. Valentine’s Day acts as a huge prompt which you expect us to pay heed to and at the very least there ought to be a card and flowers. Perhaps a pleasant gift to make up for the horrible behaviours we have been exhibiting towards you, something to cling to, to make peace? An evening out at a favourite restaurant or a hot bath with candles and dinner in the oven when you return from another day of toiling for The Man? You tell yourself not to get your hopes up but you will always do so. Just something, anything to give you a sign that all is not lost and that there is some love that remains even if it is just to take the pain away for just one day.
You may just hit pay dirt and find a Respite Period so that your hopes and dreams are indeed tapped into and allowed to flare in joyous elation as we come good and we greet you with smile and waiting glass of champagne. You border on tears of anxious relief as we meet you from work holding a clothes’ carrier and motion for you to return into the office to get changed as we are going straight to your favourite French restaurant. You might just be granted this and your positive fuel of relief, delight and gratitude is lapped up in contrast to the negativity that has prevailed previously.
More likely is the continuation of the devaluation as you awake to find us already gone to work and no card or gift waiting. No flowers arrive at home or the workplace (although we will have sent flowers to somebody as we work on that prospective primary source). You make the effort for us, but we call and explain there is a crisis at work and we will be late, if we bother to call you at all. You will be stood up, left waiting, given something totally inappropriate, lambasted for expecting something or making a fuss on “a complete con of a day which is only there to line the pockets of card markers, chocolatiers, restaurants and florists”. You can expect to be told
“I didn’t think we needed to bother as we have been together for years.”
“Valentine’s Day? It is for kids.”
“I do not have to be told when I can express how I feel.”
“Jesus, why are you wanting to waste money on that tat?”
“I would rather watch the sport and have an early night than sit an over-priced bistro with people who obviously hate one another.”
You have expectations of love, pleasure and romance. You can instead expect disappointment, dismay and dejection.
Whatever happens today we achieve victory – positive fuel from those we seduce and negative fuel from those that we disappoint. Whether it is meeting expectations or whether it is dashing them, today can only ever be about a winning outcome for us. Hence it is our Victory Day.
214 thoughts on “V-Day”
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I am lost DFA? Dairy Farmers of America?
lol Darkness Falls Again
Is this a book? What is it that I am missing?
It is her handle before she switched to twilight.
Ah Oh I went by Darkness Falls Again, DFA, awhile back then changed it to Twilight, which has meaning to me in not only my own progress but how I view relationships. When I get to the point I have stepped into the light completely I will change it again or I find where I belong.
HG has been a significant part in this awarness for me and I adore him and all he is doing.
Thank you for clarification. Good luck with your journey.
Thank you Ah Oh
Ah hell and I thought it would be a comment NA makes that takes out my keyboard, thanks HG first I see the tormentor of my life right now then off to buy a new keyboard
Hope your day is amazing!
TWILIGHT
I wondered if you were DFA.
Im going to exercise a little blame shifting by declaring that if you spew coffee on your keyboard when I am making yet another asinine observation-thats still all you. And coffee. Coffee can be evil.
NA
Yes its me i step out of the darkness into the twilight.
Bring on the blame shifting, coffee will be the least of my evils tonight. Lol sorry my tormentor has freed me from my cage and is Friday night, my boredom ends tonight.
NA,
ME + YOU= Grumble Twins?
Rackin frackin frickin frackin TUDOR!!
ABB
Tudors Trouble Twins for sure. Add Flickatina and its a trio. We’ll see how mighty his sword!
I’m in!
What are we doing again?
FLICKA
General debauchery
Cool! I do love a bit of debauchery!
Can we start after midday? I’m having a lie in this morning.
FLICKA
Jesus Flick, nothing like a Narc Ninja Superhero introducing herself to the Empath world by calling in tired before her first assignment.
If I’m a superhero, do I get to wear a cape? I’ll get up early if I can wear a cape!
I am not sure if I should be hurt or happy maybe if I went back to DFA I would be recognized
Nope back to the woods I go running wild and free, dancing in the twilight with wood sprites and elves, daydreaming of the one I seek.
Twilight you are awesome and I’m glad you’re here! I would love to dance in the woods with you. But that is forbidden. 😉
LOVE
So do the forbidden dance.
Rules are for mere mortals.
Ya ya Tudor-off I go to the naughty stool for inciting others. Grumble..grumble….Dick Tater…..grumble
Darkness Falls!!!!
I did not know it was you! Your name reminds me of Hope now. Are things going better for ya now that you are lovely twilight 😊
Good evening Indy
Yes it doesn’t take me long to bounce back, I just needed to remember who I was.
Yet a time in darkness was needed to evolve, soon it will be Dawn. 🙂
Remember there is always hope! Have you ever seen a landscape after a wildfire? It comes in and burns all that is just becoming overgrown and cluttered. Then what happens in the aftermath, Beauty grows from the ashes and change happens. Just like in life it’s a matter of recognizing this, we all have a choice to remain as we are cluttered and stuck or to grow and become free flowing.
Wise words Twilight ❤️
Dfa, you’re now twilight? This gives me incentive to change my name too. Thanks to HG, his books, his articles, the timely answers to our questions, and the support frm the lovely pple here, i no longer have ptsd; so, a more fitting name is in order. Maybe claudia can help me… lol!!
Yes PTSD I am DFA/Twilight lol the last time I wrote it out like that was when I changed it.
You will know your name when the time is right, then can chose to show this in this same manner. We all walk a path some will stay on a well traveled one and some of us will venture into the unknown places and discover many secrets hidden.
Twilight, true indeed!
Exactly, HG…😊 And he is a she btw.
Thanks for the clarification.
Indy,
That was beautiful and as usual made me emotional. You express yourself like only you can and it gives others an idea of what can happen if you stick around.
HG and all of those that you mentioned here were the only ones that I had to turn to and they have been nothing but supportive and I will always be grateful.
Wise words from our own spicy marcher! ❤️🍎❤️
Cheers to all of us🍹🍷🍸
And that comment of HG’s made me laugh.
In response to all the food/vegan/gluten free/physical damage/stress talk, I too suffered from horrible rashes due to stress levels that were through the roof. It seemded that anything and everything i ate/drank would trigger another mad skin outburst and it wasn’t until I saw an accupuncturist who treated me for my ANGER (!!!) , and secondary for my allergies, that things started to improve. He told me it’s a gene that I turned on and he turned off. So he simply said, ‘don’t turn it back on’. Then he went on and told me to just go and enjoy myself, do fun things and I said that was kinda hard when dealing with a Narcissist… To which he replied he could turn that gene off too… so let me know if you want his address HG… he’s just around the corner from you…:) (and see how I turned that back to you)? 😉
You did Ollie. An interesting angle. I have a friend and his wife has acupuncture regularly for pain relief. Her nerves were friend owing to treatment so she is always in pain. She is a convert.
Yeah, he is a trip. The first time i met him he shook my hand, looked me in the eyes and said nothing just, ‘do that again’. So I shook his hand again and he said: ‘wow, you’re angry’… although I was in my happy place, surrounded by friends and family and actually really happy at that moment. He then held my wrist, only used 3 needles and that was it. He also helped ‘turn off’ my mom’s Parkinsons and has helped so many other people with a variety of ‘incurable’ diseases… a man of few words and few needles… maybe an angle that could be researched more?
Interesting. Has anyone else engaged in acupuncture? If so why and what was the outcome?
I have. It’s good for some things. It’s helped me for migraines and pain. I prefer acupressure tho.
HG I had acupuncture for my migraines and the outcome was that from then on my ear also hurt. But that was done by a doctor who had maybe had a weekend of training.
But I have great respect for real traditional chinese medicine practitioners. My best friend studies chinese chi stuff in depth and therefore I know their knowledge is deep and very accurate.
I’m hooked by the ‘turn off gene’ thing. I know they can be turned on by traumatization.
Thank you ava101.
Yes, I used accupuncture for sinus allergies. It was ok, but I had to lay still for an hour. It was boring. The dry hot sauna helps me more.
I rea that if you make a circling motion either side of your nostrils, then where the corner of your eyes are next to your noise, then behind your ears and then you ear lobes this opens up your sinuses.
HG
Thats interesting. I read that if a Narc takes the huge stick out of his ass and replaces it with a needle in each cheek he can become less angry and vindictive. *Looks around for lube and needles*.
Sounds like a medical breakthrough NA.
Thank you Mr. Tudor. Maybe if you showed me, I wouldn’t be mad at you anymore. 😘
I am content for you to remain mad at me Love.
As you wish, your Majesty.
How about a curtsey?
Only if you do what I asked.
Wow, Ollie, yes, I want his address! Interesting about the gene.
He’s in Europe ava101. Don’t know if you’re close to there? But he has people travel from all over to go see him.
Yes I am.
So will you mention the address?
Ahem, ollie, how do you know he’s just around the corner from HG? NarcAngel….you slippin’?
i think he means in terms of I am in the UK and this fellow is in Europe. It is a large corner.
Tricks usually take place on a “corner”. Makes sense that you would monopolize the largest. Thanks.♡
No idea what you mean ABB.
Coy eh?
Total wallflower.
I believe it. Go 2 bed. Or are you putting me in the scrapbook? If yes record it for me.
It is not time to retire just yet.
What time do you typically rise in a.m.
Depends on when I fall asleep and my commitments. Between 4-30 and 6 am typically.
If he’s like the narcs I’m familiar with, uh, he “rises” upon awakening.
This is where I start reading into things…….
For you to retire? For you to retire me? For me to retire? You are not in line for retirement yet? You are poor and can’t retire? You are retired of my tired? You’re tired of my retiring….yes! That’s it! You do miss me! I knew it. You want me to come out of retirement. You know what you have to do to make that happen. Game back on?
Retire to bed.
Waaaaahh. *sniffles* FINE! ‘K good night…..*walks away grumbling….”put up, thrown down” grumble, grumble, grumble…”you get me, blah blah”…grumble.
Lol ABB, no, not slippin’ and not trippin’ either. I Know HG lives ‘somewhere’ in England and the acupuncturist has his practice ‘somewhere’ in Europe in a place which is actually really close to England… 😉
Oh Mr. Tudor, looks like you are in need of my street knowledge Once again. Last comment, and I’m back to my oath.
A trick is a prostitute. A pimp usually has more than one trick. Each pimp takes a neighborhood, where he puts 1 or 2 tricks on every corner. Normally his bottom bitch (favorite gal) gets the best corner and makes the most money. A trick is named so because they turn tricks. Any questions boys and girls?
Gosh, who knew? How do you know? I have never seen a prostitute produce a rabbit from a hat. Is that what they mean when they ask if you want ‘extras’?
Oh, so much to teach you, HG. Yes, extras. Kinda like “sprinkles on the cone” or “happy ending deluxe”. That is why all good massage Palio’s have wooden ladders across the ceiling **Note to self, I gotten rein in my massage habit as I balance my check book**
And there I was scratching my head about a Turkish Snow Cone and a Lebanese Breakfast.
HG
Well if youre going global, may I suggest something from the appetizer portion of the menu?
Chinese Finger Trap.
Ok maybe we should review the rules again……..
LOVE
Not that I can be identified as bottom anything, but I did get a sweet corner. The entire corner of Europe!! (I think I can see it from here if I shoot on up to Alaska). I’ll see you later-I have made an appt. to get Pussy Galore lined with Teflon in anticipation. Toodles.
LOVE
You make me laugh almost every day. Thank you LOVE.
ABB
Slippin how?
NA,
I was saying that as I thought Ollie had the skinny on Tudors wearabouts. I thought you have been on Narc watch recently and would immediately know if Tudor Towers is currently located on a corner. Turns out HG’S “corner” contains part of Europe. Shouldn’t have expected anything less when it comes to Narc Nation. Carry on wit your bad self, no slip ups on the 411. My bad.
ABB
Ah yes, I should have been aware of any activity on my corner lol. Sorry- there was a lot going on and I missed the context, so indeed I was slippin. Now if you’ll excuse me a have a corner of Europe to cover and these heels are killing me!
How do you think I met all my narcs? Working the corner of course. As for tricks: mine was I got your nose. They fell for it every time. Silly Willy narcs. Yes, they always wanted extras. But our rabbits kept running away. So we had to get gerbils instead.
Ah, good memories. ❤🌈🐰🐹❤
Wooops, there goes my Pollyanna again. 😀
Do you know Richard Gere? 🐹
Ya NarcAngel, you’re bottom. Hope you charge extra for that service. Oh and Daddy is out of town, so you need to do the rounds, collect money, and run interference.
Love are you a HGs trap queen?
LOVE
Collect money and do rounds? It’ll take some serious future faking for me to do chores but if Sir Longsword treats me right I’ll help him out til I see signs of devaluation kicking in. Good thing I actually read the posts and do my homework when Im not jack-assing around. Dont tell him but his advice really works if you follow it-we dont want him to have to turn sideways to get his head through the door.
Haha, hilarious.
Um, ABB, who do you think wrote Pretty Woman and gave it to Richard? A favor for a favor…
No ABB, I was Fetty’s. Then the bastard went and got himself another. So I found this site 😉
For god to add Jaded and OhAh xox
That was very sweet Indy. ❤❤❤
So happy you are here! I came onboard a month after you. By now, I hope you can excuse my melodramatic crazy self….it is my normal. ❤
I appreciate everyone here as well. Even ones I’ve fought with. We’ve had some great moments!
Of course! We are all sweets and spice here. Some more sweet, some more spice. And, I know I tried hard to get you to not have those big doe eyes for the HG(or psychopaths or sociopaths), but who am I to tell how others should heal. And how can we not have a little doe eye for HG. He’s a smooth operator for sure.
Geeze I also forgot several others. Not So Sad!!! I remember her and I got Tudor badges for crossing the emotional sea 😁 So many emoeies here 😂 Watching people get dragged into Tudors Torture Tower, the naughty step, stalker dude, super tankers and “pin the age on the author”. aubergine Jaguars and Alexis cookie 🍪
❤️
There was a stalker dude???
Ah man! I always miss the fun! 😕
Who did he stalk? How did you know he was stalking? Why did he stop stalking?
Ahhh! I have so many questions! Please tell me more about him.
Indy,
What abt me?😢
Of course, PTSD too!!! I know I have forgotten to mention a bunch of folks!! Not meant as a slight at all. For example, the varying names of our lovey Maddie (HG’s first obsessive love–kidding), or the mind blowing antics of the varying profiles of the first Claudia/Unicorns/Betty Boop/Tamara?, or The Punisher (I miss her sass too :), and soo many sooo soo many that I never even met because I only came on a year into this blog…I know NikiLondon was the first I think??? HG would have to fill in on that. But, it is pretty awesome how much it has grown here 🙂 I am still a semi new, when compared to folks like So Sad, MLA, Bloody (I think), and ABB I think too…etc…they are the blog elders and have my respect!
Thx indy!! 😊☺️
Ok so sorting through…..Ive noted the following:
Subjects NOT allowed:
Anything excessive (?)
Anything irrelevant (?)
No cooking or dietary
No bff sleep over invites (ok those 2 subjects I get because it takes Tudors time to moderate-fair enough)
No crochet talk. Haha.
No sexual innuendo or off color remarks (save for the one where someone asked why her Narc insisted she swallow, that miraculously NOT cause an uprising in some)
No humour that others dont get in case it upsets them
No suggestion that people accept some accountability themselves
No strong opinions unless you have the label of Narc in which case the opinion you just gave yesterday is accepted even if you said the exact same thing.
Thats just off the top……
Now what subjects ARE allowed:
Will he hoover
Its not my fault
Narcs are bad people ( duh)
When will he hoover
Why cant I read a Meme
Is HG getting fuel
Im sure he wont hoover. Right?
My Narc is different-He admitted hes wrong (ha!)
We can save HG but not our Narc
He hoovered but thats the last time right?
Anything Tudor but dont get too personal and he doesnt have to answer ( which is fair to be honest but doesnt quench my thirst to know more about him)
Hmmm…if I were Tudor I’d be bored to death.
Im not sure if this blog is helping HG by letting him see the Empath side or reinforces his treatment of them.
Let the victim mentality reign
Sigh
That leaves the books.
NarcAngel. 😂😂😂 I Love you. ❤ I just had to tell you.
LOVE
Careful now….let me check the rules….yada yada gluten….yada yada hoover….meme…..oh! Here it is…..All declarations of love must be directed at, or refer to Tudor and his panty melting maneuvers. Any such declaration between two commenters will be considered treasonous and result in a stint in Tudor slammer where you will be gagged with your own panties and forced to listen to a continuous loop of Depeche Mode while watching Tudor play air guitar.
Still love me?
No air guitar.
YES YES YeS NarcAngel! I do ❤ There is no one more brilliant, wonderful, charismatic, and alluring as you!
Mr. Tudor, are your fingers itching to hit delete?
P.S. as I sent this comment off, NarcAngel received an invisible mesaage with all my personal info. It is new technology that no one has tapped into yet.
Haha, NarcAngel, very good! 😉
And oooh I would sooooo love to invite you all to a sleep over! That would be so so so much fun!!!
I hope it helps to see how we think and feel and suffer. But then again …
No sexual innuendo! Pretty sure I broke that rule – oops.
This one leaves my mystified….”No humour that others don’t get”
FLICKATINA
Early on my sarcastic humor was not easily identified. Some took it to be literal and found it in poor taste. As you can imagine I was crushed (there it is again), so for awhile I identified by putting the word humor after my post. Okay awhile was like 3 posts before that got old and I decided I’ll be me and they’ll eventally see, or not. Up to them. Admittedly I am not for the faint if heart.
I get that not everyone gets some kind of humour but I was mystified as to how I would determine that before posting 😂😂.
I enjoy your humour for the record.
FLICKATINA
Well I could tell at the time what I said that upset so I didnt say it again, and I know the people I regularly interact with will either laugh with me or ignore me when Im acting the ass. Others? well this is HGs house so I try to be respectful of his guests but Im not always successful *shrugs*. Then of course theres always the fact that its NOT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU! Lol.
HG,
The Tudor Feds and court talk????
What happened since this morning?
LOL 😂
It was only a couple comments.
Sorry Indy!
I will be on high alert the rest of the night.
See my ex was right when she tried to tell me I talk to much. Lol
Hehe Snow. No worries. 🙂
Plus, I take no offence/concern about Justice HG dropping the hammer or Brow being concerned about the drift in topic. It’s legit. (And I kinda got detailed in my gluten free recipe out of my new returning excitement that has come back since my narc free life—7 months No Contact Baby!!.
**It’s worth it y’all**
Congratulations on 7 months NC Indy!!!
And on your renewed energy.
Sometimes it hard to scale back when you have so much excitement to talk about.
HG must just shake his head at us sometimes. Lol
But it’s all because of him!!!
He should be proud of us.
You have your moments, I will give you that! I learn here as well.
I enjoy being here and learning immensely.
I have too!
And, “you have your moments” felt like a begrudgingly given compliment!!
HG, it is clear from those of us that have been on this blog a while now that you have learned and grown a lot too while teaching us all.
Looking forward to more books on the docs, you family, your childhood and you exes. Now that I feel safe and not in flight or flight anymore and have grounding again, I’d like to see the fruits of your journey in your books to come!
Those of you that are new, remember there is a whole community of women here who have supported one another through some tough stuff and sometimes we laugh, joke, relate and go off topic. This is also part of the healing process too. To find others that have shared experiences and learn from one another as well. I remember in July when I came here, MLA, NikiLondon, PoeticMe, DragonCreeper and others helped me feel welcome…a lot in understanding the dynamic here. I’ve come to treasure so many new blog friendships with Snow, NA, ABB, Bloody, Love and others. It saved my mind at times. There is a lot of wisdom here! So newbies welcome and excuse some dust, though HG got us and our backs here. Hang on if you’re in rough patch, no contact can heal many wounds and gray rock can defend when you cannot. HG often has some great input too.
Ask and listen.
Indy the hippy marcher chick.
THANK YOU!!! I feel like I was caught when I was falling and landed here.
Welcome aboard Brown, you are among many with good hearts, intentions and if not that(nods at Bloody and of course the main man here, HG), some bad azz skills!! There is a lot to learn here, I am learning everyday. We often heal by learning AND relating. On the path with ya! And, sometimes we do need to remember this blog is truly important for those in the moment that need guidance and support and should always be priority…and for HG’s growth (probably trumps all else) so, I do thank you for that reminder on staying on topic as it is important.
xox
Indy
Newbies
And that little speech is why we love Indy. You will too.
Thanks NA, and even if some don’t, its cool. Just know that there are lots of folks here that are very experienced and helpful! 🙂
I ♡ Indiglowsky & her gluten free pot, er special brownies!!!!
🙂
It’s always intriguing to see a post with a huge number of comments. Wading thru them all is often irresistible. I often run across helpful insights completely unexpectedly. For instance in the discussion of Indy’s brownies I had an “Ah, ha!” moment about my own autoimmune disease. While I was aware that excess stress makes it flare up, i had never connected having this disease to living all my life with narcissists. So even what may seem to be totally off topic comments, at the least give us insights into how other empaths think and can help us better understand ourselves and narcissism. Thank you HG for allowing so much seemingly off-topic rambling in the comments. It allows us all to pan out our individual flecks of gold dust from what others may just see as worthless sediment.
Hi Love,
Snow and I have never met in real life. I think any sharing of personal contact information is forbidden here on this blog by HG and is related out. It would be really cool for all of us to meet up, commiserate, have a drink, and some sun! I also understand why this rule exists here.
Sending you a drink and a sparkle of sun too Love 🍸☀️
Indy,
He can’t possibly let us unite. Strength in numbers. Sad really because I would totally make “friends ” with everyone on here. I can hear HG now, “It is FORBIDDEN!” All beauty and the beast like.
It is for reasons I am sure you appreciate.
I do have a thing for anonymity. You know that for sure and I appreciate your reminder 💙
No problem.
Seems my trouble making knows no bounds. Got some blog hits though. I’ll get that VM yet. *holds breathe*
ABB, I know. Me too. It is sad and necessary. For everyone’s protection. I do wonder, HG, was it your idea or the good docs or both of you?
They suggested it and I saw the logic of it. I don’t care what people do but I don’t want someone trying to pin blame on me when they happened to have been targeted by one of my kind lurking here. I have enough to do without such distractions.
Yeah, I understand completely. The risks are high on both ends.
HG
Yes, God forbid anything should ever be pinned to you lol.
Seriously though-good to know. Makes sense.
POLISH INDY
Oh poo! He’s just afraid you’ll march him into our united Narc car wash and he’ll be reduced to a puddle.
Hehe…I love the Polish Indy nickname 🙂
*sniff* Me, too!
Ha! I laugh at your forbidding! I spit in the face of your decrees! (Actually I don’t because spitting is really rude – I virtually spit in the face of your decrees)
Besides, Not So Sad and I already know each other. So there.
I don’t get it, why not HG? As long as you don’t know any personal details, why can’t two readers of the blog connect?
People do post personal information (sometimes accidentally) and I will edit it out or pull the post (usually the former).
Simply, the good doctors suggested this because all it takes is for one of my kind to be lurking here (and it happens) obtain that personal information and cause problems for the other person. I don’t care about that but I do care if the victim then tries to pin some blame on me for it happening. I haven’t time for such distractions.
If you connect by engaging in a conversation here, that is not a problem, so long as it isnt excessive, irrelevant and detracts from me.
HG, if two of your regulars want to get in touch, why not just swap their email addresses behind the scenes? No identifying information need be published on the blog.
So if ABB wants to contact Indy, and vice versa, and say that on the blog, you have all our email addresses, so why not just send an email to both of them copying the other in?
Would only take a minute and you’d be adored so much more.
No, because there remains facilitation through my auspices and data protection issues.
this isn’t a dating site… geez, really ppl?
Hi Brown. Are you in training to be one of Mr. Tudor’s riot police? Is he recruiting more? You seem fun!
does He need one?
Brown, don’t be a bore. Welcome to the 21st Century.
bore? my observations find most of you boring and “trying” too hard to impress someone or yourself maybe. i stick to facts and the purpose of this site, so then i am perceived as a bore… so be it
MS BROWN
The flirting and joking you see is between people who have been on for awhile and mean no harm. It is recognized that people need to let off steam and it is a good thing that people are at a stage where they can laugh. Be assured they have also been throught a lot and that it will not detract from HG addressing your concerns. He has the blog, does individual consultations by phone and email, writes books, and has a full time job. An army of one as he puts it. So he will get to any posts in due time as there are many. It is not because of the tomfoolery or that youre being ignored. Dont be offended and do stay-you will learn a lot from the posts and others experiences. Welcome.
Hey Ms Brown, I’ve only just seen your reply to my comment. Apologies if I upset you by calling you a bore.
I made that comment because to my mind, there is no issue with people from this site connecting in real life, either in person or online outside of this site. Perhaps they can provide support to each other in the wake of their narcissistic abuse. Or perhaps they find they have other things in common and can build a genuine, meaningful friendship.
To me, it doesn’t really matter. In fact, quite the opposite. I’d love to hear of people making new connections and friendships, whether lasting or just for a period of time. I think it’s lovely. And all the more so because of our shared negative experiences.
When your kind say (txt) “I’m heavy hearted”, after they have discarded you (again)… but go on to state “but we r done. We have been. We appease each other n get by. When together.” How to interpret “heavy hearted”, is my question, as their is no “heart”….Thank you in advance
Indigestion?
It is a barbed remark. It means “Good bye but I am a good person because I feel bad about it.” Of course that is a lie.
As always, I appreciate your humor, wit and wisdom
Thank you Brown.
I also think he said this because it also leaves room for a future Hoover as well, I think. And to continue to play the discard game.
Otherwise, why be nice if he doesn’t have a heart. It’s all what he can get out of the deal. Maintaining a good appearance and an opening to come back.
If I may take a stab at that, since my ex narcissist loved to use language in ways that instilled a sense of guilt, vague hope, and lies…um, that is what that is, in my humble. To keep you hoping on crumbs, confused and perhaps have a feeling of softening for him.
@indiglowsky: vague hope and lies, crumbs…. of course
@ Mr Tudor & indiglowsky: 2 days later, your insight(s) are correct… txt hoovers and is “victim” now…. i am waiting for the other shoe to drop and it won’t be good for me…
Hi Ms Brown,
Ugh, I hated it when my ex played victim. I’m sorry you are going through this. You may have already shared about this person, but I might have missed the details, if you are comfortable to share, I have some questions, are you exes? Were you in a primary relationship or side? For how long? When did you all break up? have you tried no contact yet with him?
If this is too much to share, I understand. Hope you are safe.
Indy
i was primary, 13 years on and off, still (legally) married 8 yrs Feb 22.
This has “worked” for me because it is familiar. Its all i know… it is what i lived and was taught as a child. i have deep trauma and memory blocks. it is my coping mechanism. as is trauma bonding. i don’t know if the cycle will ever break because then I’m out of my “comfort zone”…
as of now, i am discarded, I’ve been told to move on, yet he hoovers. he does the N/C with me. due to the fact he discarded me 1800 miles away, and is living where he “future faked” me where WE would be living, i am physically safe, for now. thats all i can share. thank you for your concern. he is the victim and conducts his smears as “the victim”, of course for fuel and to draw in secondary and to secure the new primary (which i sense is not working out)
Reblogged this on Speak Out 4 Others.
Like Christmas, you can go ahead ‘grinch style’ and curse commercialism for yet another event on the calendar. Or you can embrace it, go with the flow, and take it as an opportunity to treat yourself well if you are single, or to dote on someone you love!
I did not receive flowers, chocolate, a card, or even as much as a kind word on Valentine’s Day with my narc. I received rejection and emotional abuse, like many of us. Yet we have to see past that, we cannot let them take this joy from us for good… the playful pleasure that comes from writing cards, and preparing surprises for those who appreciate our love. 🙂
I’m enjoying VDay seducing myself. Drew my own bath, flowers, and vegan chocolates(not horrible). Oh and zucchini spaghetti by candlelight. Don’t hate.
I hope Kim had a respite. Shoot, I don’t know the woman but I know you must pull out all the stops as a greater. Want deets!!!! I want to know that game you played last night.
Where’s my horror story???
Happy Villian Day! 😈
INDY
Did you remember to text yourself first thing this morning to say how awesome you were last night and that you’ve found your soulmate. (Oh and then apologize for the brown crayons posing as vegan chocolate. WTF??!!!).
NA,
Nah, I am a classy broad. I wait three days before texting myself. Playing hard to get. 😉
Damn crayons!
Indy, that sounded like a great Valentine’s Day.
Everything sounded delicious to me.
Would have joined you.
My husband is in Atlanta this week and I wanted to come but it wasn’t possible😖
Ah man! We could have got some margaritas and hang out in this warm weather. 🙂
Sun and margaritas!!!!!
Sounds like heaven to me.
It snowed here today. Yuck.
Hi Snow,
Yeah I hardly ever wear a jacket here in the winter any more. Crazy warm winters these past few years.
Just made vegan brownies and Octane coffee (French press with coconut milk)…and those brownies tasted real, honey! I think this gluten free dairy free thing is doable after all. One week down. **Offers a brownie and a smoothe cup of coffee.** Trust me, it doesn’t taste like it looks 😂Now, isn’t it ironic that I grew up in a dairy state and my ethnic roots are Northern European and Canadian and I am dairy and gluten intolerant. What the hell??? I had some messed up French and Irish genes.
Sends some sunshine vibes up to ya!
SNOW
You are so innocent and funny. Read that back. It sounds delicious to join Indy in the tub while your husband is away and you wanted to come?(but it wasnt possible). Haha. Dont worry-its just me.
Snow and Indy, are you friends in real life after meeting on this blog??? I thought that was forbidden 😞😥
Hello Love!!!!
Who said that it was forbidden???? Lol
I would most definely be her friend in real life if I was close enough.
We could talk for hours and eat some vegan food!!!
Awww Snow,
I’m so sure we’d talk for hours given we have so much in common! I’d totally be your real life friend too!
Are you gluten and dairy free too?
(Hugs)
Good morning Indy!
I’ve been a vegetarian for almost a year now and have looked into being vegan but haven’t gone that far yet. I do like the taste and wish I had a personal chef. LOL
I tried gluten and dairy free when my son was three years old. It was something suggested to us by some of the autism professionals. Everyone had their own opinion and it was easy enough to try. It was terrible. lol…. we didn’t see any changes in his behavior and I quit cooking like that.
The gluten and dairy free sections in the grocery store have come sooo far since
I was cooking that way. The selection is huge now. I used to drive an hour away to get to a specialty store.
Did you just find out that you are intolerant?
Thanks for the sunshine☀️️
It’s coming all next week. 😎
WTH…. This isn’t a dietary blog, but turning into one…. HG????
HG’s Hammer has fallen on this one Brow see earlier comment.
Oh I know, I know. You know I typically stay on topic, HG. No more recipe info.
I know you do, hence why the Tudor Feds aren’t kicking your door in right now.
Aw, man, I didn’t know that was an option. :)…no more cooking talk. Promise.
You have given a solemn undertaking to LJ HG Tudor. A breach of an undertaking is the same as breaching a court order and the consequences will be dire.
***looks at boots** nope, no shaking LOL
Hi Snow,
Yep.
Yeah, working in the Autism field I have heard all the theories and was very reluctant to put stock into it. However, over the years I have developed signs of autoimmune inflammation and was told recently that some of my symptoms could be improved by trying this. I was very reluctant and I am resistant to fads in general. Even though I am a bit “woo-woo”, I am more grounded in science and I just didn’t see the proof in the literature. However, sure enough, I gave it a try as I thought, what do I have to loose as nothing was really helping with my symptoms. I am finally feeling more energetic and less achy. I love being active, so this is a happy development. 🙂
POLISH INDY
Are you sure its not just being Narc free and Marching? You wanna be sure when youre passing up the good stuff.
I’ve been gluten and lactose free for some time. As a lover of anything sweet and delicious, my tastebuds are now permanently disappointed lol. Oh, and be very cautious with coconut flour, use minimally! And I say this as someone who loves coconut.
Btw, are these magical brownies? 😀
If so, enjoy!
Hi Love,
Why did you go gluten and dairy free? Personal choice or medically driven? For me, I had to be dragged into it. And I am noticing improvement 🙂 I use coconut oil and either nut flour or rice flour.
No magic in these brownies, other than they were really gooey amazing. Just like regular ones. I was amazed. It is a mix made by Amor Flour products. It uses rice flour, some sort or leaven, regular sugar cane and unsweetened cocoa. Then you mix in eggs and coconut oil and water. It is AMAZING!
What is this Indy the Marcher, the Great Narc Bake Off? Oh look here’s Martha Stewart and Mary Berry.
Am I officially a Great Narc now? **Big smile**
That is complete anathema to you.
Wait, Mr. Impressive Vocab. I had to look it up too. I do not detest it. But I am curious, am I officially now a Greater Narc? (playfully said, so I can role play some of my shadow side).
Er…no.
Is it because I am unaware? Or am I obviously sooooo empathic….(I think I have some narc in there, you know!) 😉
You will have some narc in there, but plenty of empathy too.
OK, I keep challenging you on this from time to time. How can you tell, really? Maybe I am really good at faking empathy? I know your skills are extraordinary, I have said this before. As someone in the mental health field, I do indeed admire your keen observation of human behavior and your ability to articulate it here to a level not seen in other formats. With that said, would you wager that I am an empath or could I be a fake one that does it really well? **devils advocate here**
Perhaps you are but :-
1. The repeated nature of your comments on the blog show you feel empathy;
2. You admit to having been ensnared by a narcissist which whilst not a guarantee of you being an empath is a significant indicator; and
3. You went on a protest march the nature of which is indicative of you feeling empathy.
I recognise those who exhibit fake empathy. They occasionally appear on the blog. You are not one of them.
Well, dang. That protesting march gave me away. LOL
Lol Martha Stewart has street cred now. She and Snoop Dog have teamed up for a cooking show. It must have been her time spent in the slammer.
Indy, I don’t have celiac’s disease but I am intolerant. I believe it is GMOs that are affecting our bodies now a days. I also think genealogy has something to do with it, though I have not researched it enough.
See Mr. Tudor, all this non-narc chit chat could be avoided if you acquiesce to my requests.
Or I could just not post them. You see. I’m intolerant too.
Nice use of negotiation, Love! See, this is narcissistic talk here. You are starting to weaponize her already, HG.
**working hard to make this conversation relevant to blog**
I’m vegan, too! Yay, muffin recipes!
Good job you swung it round in your later post there ava101.
But I can tie it back on topic for you, HG. Since being with my not so sweet ex-narc I have severe food intolerance and related problems, too. It all started along with the abuse. So I recently learned that stress (and surely that was more stress than I could take) depletes you of B vitamins, enzymes, etc. etc. It IS entirely realated and I hate my ex-narc for all the real physical damage.
***Hi-Fives Ava!!!!***
Yes, cortisol is a nasty little chemical that anyone who has ever suffered narcicistic abuse has had elevations of, which results in an increases autoimmune response which further results in inflammation…including the tummy….. AND, that is why I am now VEGAN! Hehehehe…the lil f#$ker.
Very well Mr. Tudor. We will continue to war. And no, I will bring nothing on. I will take it away.
Yeah yeah.
OMG, Indy, I may be the narc! I do not match 2 of the 3 requirements Mr. Tudor listed for you. And I’m currently sulking big time for not getting my way. Maybe Mr. Tudor is protecting you all from ME!
Gosh, I feel very sinister-like and dangerous now. I need to don on my catwoman black bodysuit.
Beware kitties! Meow
Thank you Indy! 🙂
How does it go away again? I can hardly eat anything.
I became vegan after meeting my ex-narc, too. Funny. That’s one of his very few good influences (and he is not vegan anymore … only vegetarian).
Or call it hooVering day?! Got loved bombed by one through social media, and received a glorious bouquet of flowers plus card after 4 months of nc by another? Now what?!!! I’m not heartless, but don’t ever want to go back there…
What would be your likely reaction and then response if your primary source girlfriend didn’t get you a card or anything, in the early years of your relationship?
As a well-adjusted individual I would realise she must have forgotten as a consequence of the other demands on her life and see if there was any way I could help her deal with the obvious pressures she was facing.
Like hell! I would be wounded and there would likely be an ignition of fury and she would be lashed out at.
Ha! 😀
Does not feel good to even think about being slighted in this manner, does it? Women do not forget Valentine’s Day. If you did not get a card, it would be with full intent! 😀
Lashing out would not earn you a card either! Au contraire, you’d be well advised to engage in some serious soul-searching as to what you recently did to upset her, and apologise. Pronto! Otherwise, she’d cancel the booked table at your favourite restaurant without batting an eye-lid, and spend the evening with her girl clique instead. 😀
What about a big old sulk and some sulky silent treatment?
When I didn’t get him a card one year, my ex took himself off to bed, hid under the covers and refused to talk to me! I tried so hard to make up for it, but that sulk was bigger than the both of us.
Is that narky?
The Incredible Sulk.
Lol HG! I fell for it in your first paragraph!!
I mean the first para in your reply above 😀
I totally agree. When commercialism dictates what is perceived as love, don’t we have to take a step back? HG you have every right to capitalize on a day that people are fooled into thinking that this is how you show love. You cannot help but use it, as you market yourself, just as they cannot help marketing their products. This is why My husband and I don’t celebrate. We love each other everyday and buy each other gifts whenever we choose to. Much more thoughtful and meaningful that way. Good Luck out there guys.
💜💣away HG or 💫🕳
It is just another day like an other day. Most hold some kind of expections to society’s titled special days, but I never have accomplished such a frame of mind. It doesn’t make any sense to me, I don’t get it. There is a good thing though, after the holiday, you can purchase flowers and such at half price, if desired.
It is very interesting, how much time and money you spend to impress women. The enormous efforts you make to build up an illusion, the plans, the lies, you always have to keep up in mind, to play your games for a long time. So interesting! Then another drama, because you spent money that you do not have, looking for someone to give you enough money. Everything done to be seen, to be noticed… and for fuel. Just one moment of delicious positive or negative attention. I know all that. My personal devil did the same. I am sorry, but I do not understand anymore , what I loved at him. His bragging about how many people loved his facade, his bragging about how many women loved him ( I did not tell him, that female friends said, that he was not interesting for them at all ) his bragging, how interesting he is ( I sometimes sat there and it was totally boring and I thought, ok, that is part of a relationship) his bragging about normal things he had done, for example repairing something ( I often thought, well, my cousin would do it in a few minutes and never talk about it) . His helplessness in many things, when I thought, that these problems are easy to solve. His envy to so called friends. (The whispering behind his back that he is a looser, but it makes fun to be with him sometimes, because very often he paid all the drinks… ) It took a long time, to see what he really was. A big balloon filled with air and you could put a needle in it and it bursts. But nevertheless thanks for the six months of illusion. That was a nice time. It was like a visit to Disney World. Thank you for that illusion, your own illusion. The rest of the relationship (about three years) was to discover what he really was. What a disappointment! And what a big form of self-denial! One time I saw him struggling, he saw a little bit of the truth about himself. He saw the reality. No kingdom, only a weak person with no values. No winner at all. Only someone, who pretends to be a great person… I am so glad, that he tries to deceive the public, because I feel so ashamed to be seen with that looser. Thank god, that only a few people know…. .
And – my own disgrace- I loved him because he told me that he loved me. What a big disgrace and big personal failure. Shame on me!
I left out a very important fact. He is a normal not a Narc.
Why did you treat a normal this way? I feel a bit sorry for the chap that he did not get a card from you.
MATILDA
It wasnt a planned slight. We were together all weekend so I never had the chance when he wasnt with me and then I forgot. He has forgotten occasions before so it was payback in a funny way. Thats just our sense of humor. Best part is I did get him one Tuesday before the day was over and then I forgot to give it to him. Found it in my purse this morning lol. I was just saying it doesnt have to be grand sweeping romantic gestures. We had a genuine laugh and that beats flowery bullshit anyday here.
Ah, I see, NarcAngel… so, you genuinely forgot. That changes the context… and he was laughing, so, all was well in the end! :-).
I agree, no grand gestures necessary, it’s the thought that counts 🙂 … had to laugh about the bacon in his lunch, how thoughtful of you!
I’ve always hated vday.
it’s literally the saddest day of the year.
You did not disappoint, HG. Hilarious, saddening and everything else. May I tell you my favorite narc V Day story? Narc boyfriend and I broke up during the Christmas holidays. On Feb 14 he called ( of course back then we had no knowledge of hoovers) and I was elated until he launched into the reason for his call. Narc boyfriend had just been nominated for an Oscar for a documentary short and he was upset because the other instructors at the university where he taught part time had failed to sufficiently laud him for the nomination. Stupid empath that I was I filled him up with some nice self esteem recovery fuel after which he said, “Thanks, I knew I’d feel better after talking to you.” As he started to end the call I decided to bring up the subject of Valentines Day. How could he call me on Feb 14 and say nothing of it? His response was that he wasn’t aware it was Valentine’s Day and that I “needed to remind him of these things.”
My revenge? I went to the Oscars with him, he lost and I offered not one word of consolation but essentially told him to stop whining.
I got a card from him. It says: lets play a Valentines game. Youre the only contestant and I’m the prize. I didnt get him one. Next I see he has the sofa cushions off. ? Looking for his card he says. Very funny. He drops me off at work and I see he has still not pulled away so I text did he forget something? He replies: nope just checking under my seat for my card. I text him at work to say that there is no card but that I didnt want to ruin the surprise but I put bacon in his Kraft dinner for lunch and youre welcome. Over the top hearts and flowers ala Narc? No. Genuine affection and humour yes. I’ll take it.
Lets face it-Valentines day is a competition between women.
PS He still wants a BJ. Men.
You must have a busy Valentine’s Day HG.
I am sure you have a carefully orchestrated plan but it sounds like a lot of work to me.
I am spending the day by myself in peace and quiet. I’m not missing out on a thing.
I’m glad I’m out of the game.
Love doesn’t mean the same thing to me as it used to.
I know
is the most despicable, hypocritical and beguiling day .. ever..