You? Me? Them?



Once upon a time. The Princess and the Pea. Prince Charming. Snow White. Pretty Woman. Barbie and Ken. The Waltons. Hug you from behind. Breakfast in bed. Picking you up in the rain. Glimpsing you from a train and running after you. The Fabulous Baker Boys. Roman Holiday. Bouquets. Surrounded by your loving family as you pass away. Snow at Christmas. Remembered birthdays. The Little House on the Prairie. Beauty and the Beast. A Room With a View. City breaks. Walking in the foam. Holding hands. Growing old together. Gone With the Wind. The white knight. Crazy For You. The Passion. Spooning in bed. Monogamy. Rosanna. Love Me Tender. Truly Madly Deeply. A candlelit bath. The Best. Gift on the pillow. Save the Best For Last. Impromptu lunch. Dancing cheek to cheek. Someday my prince will come. Red roses. White roses. Opening doors. Up Where We Belong. Rome and Juliet. Holding your hair. You’re the First, My Last, My Everything. Writing ‘I Love You’ in the steamed up mirror. Endless Love. I Think I Love You. Dedicating a song on the radio. Father Figure. The Power of Love. Fairytale wedding. Carved initials on a tree inside a heart. Giving you the last Rolo. Love conquers all. Love will save the day. Love’s young dream. Love is a many splendored thing. Writing poems. Love notes in a lunch box. A message in the sand. Till death do us part. Together forever. Bright young things. Never Tear Us Apart. Soulmate. Other half. My Heart Will Go On. Bridget Jones’ Diary. I’ll Stand By You. Children. A Whole New World. Paris in the spring time. Lazing in a hammock together. A log cabin by the lake. The Notebook. The Spiderman kiss. Notting Hill. Rose and Jack. Letting you sleep in. Bella and Edward. Latika and Jamal. Dirty Dancing. Leading the dancing. Remembering anniversaries. In sickness and in health. When Harry Met Sally. Synchronised orgasms. Sex in the morning. Sex in the evening. Still having sex after all these years. Fidelity. Eyes only for you. An Officer and a Gentleman. Isla and Rick. Letting you first. Knowing you hate spiders. Viola and William. Stardust. Walking in the snow together. Walking through leaves together. Edward Scissorhands. Just the Way You Are. My Girl. Annie’s Song. Matching tattoos. Wearing a wedding band. I Will Always Love You. When a Man Loves a Woman. I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. Love is blind. Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The perfect match. Our love is predestined. It was written in the stars above. Love at first sight. Mr/Mrs Right, “My one and only,” “man/woman of my dreams,” “match made in heaven,” “love of my life,” “my true love,” “made for each,” “my perfect match,” “I met the love of my life,” “I knew this was the one.”  “We were meant for each other.” “instant connection,” “clicked right away,” “chemistry at first sight,” “hit it off right away,” “experienced immediate attraction,” “instant rapport,” “completely hit it off,” “it was magical,” “you put a spell on me” . Love is a river that drowns the tender reed. The perfect house. The country idyll. Home is where the heart is. Wuthering Heights. Jayne Eyre. Twilight. The Hunger Games. Gabriel’s Inferno. Water for Elephants. Warming the bed first. Investigating a bump in the night. Holding you during a storm. Never being taken for granted. Perfection. Having it all. The Happy Ever After.

False promises and unrealistic ideals created by them.

A gateway to the false promised land, to the unrealistic ideal life offered and exploited by us.

Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviours in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again. That’s you.

Who is to blame?

40 thoughts on “You? Me? Them?

  1. MLA - Clarece says:

    “Because the Public, bless ’em, must have a pretty face to look at…Well, isn’t there any romance or adventure in the world without having a flapper in it?…Makes me sore. I go out and sweat blood to make a swell picture and then the critics and the exhibitors all say, ‘If this picture had love interest it would gross twice as much.’ All right. The Public Wants a Girl, and this time, I’m gonna give ’em what they want. I’m gonna make the greatest picture in the world, something that nobody’s ever seen or heard of. They’ll have to think up a lot of new adjectives when I come back. Now I’m going to find a girl…even if I have to marry one.”
    Carl Denham, King Kong (1933, original)

    The only way for this to successfully end for you H.G., is to find the beauty who saves you and helps you find redemption. The eternal Beauty and the Beast story line. (By Hollywood standards, mind you.)

    If Indy thinks you have merchandising potential now, imagine the surge if you were to have a lasting relationship different than before because of your work in therapy.

    This is only to point out if Hollywood were to make a script of your life. Not what I am really suggesting.

    1. indiglowsky says:

      Good point! Make money from being a rare example of finally having a meaningful relationship and being a narcissist. I think the idea of “the one” is the issue in my experience and opinion. if all of us can change our minds that finding the one is the answer, then having a fulfilling relationship is all the more obtainable, I think. What do you think? Just floating ideas. Then there is that pesky fuel addiction. I think that piece is actually managable tho hard, if it’s anything like heroine. Hollywood definitely does not help in that endeavor of finding love. I could totally see a biographical movie or documentary to educate others on your journey. And, whatever happens in the end, we still dig you. These are hard goals and who am I to tell you to change. You have your ideas and we have ours with regard to this love thing. My primary concern is abuse Inflicted in the name of fuel, being on the receiving end of that abuse. You were too. If that was managed, your world has no limits with the talents you have.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Hell yes, capitalize on making a successful relationship with a hardcore Narc that outlasts any of the relationships from The Bachelor franchise! Dr. Phil would probably create a reality TV show about it. Lol
        Keeping any kind of abuse at bay has to be honored from both sides!

  2. Elizabeth says:

    Artfully done. You have made your point well. And you are not to blame. What we do with that information is up to us. HG

  3. NarcAngel says:

    Agreed. Its all tripe. However…..
    “Resorting to self-destructive and addictive behaviors in order to compensate for these failings and disappointments by becoming entangled with us again and again and again”

    Hate to break it to you but thats also you and your brethren.

    The ONE who will never fail you.
    Just a shorter list.

  4. giulia says:

    You are, of course. We are not asking you to be lovin and caring and sweet and loyal and so on, you decide to fake all those qualities because you can’t resist to mess with us, it’s stronger than you, the call to destroy, the envy you feel when you see our inner truth and serenity.
    So you act like you are one of us, because the truth is: you want to be like us. Nobody wants to be like you, nobody. Even you can’t stand to be like you, or you wouldn’t go on faking other personalities and acting like you are someone else, someone good…

  5. Maria says:

    However i must admit something: when i lived in that La..La..Land.. it was magical..
    up until the witch of the east appeared .. then i started to run towards the Wizard of Oz…
    i am still running..

  6. Ollie says:

    We’re not to blame, but this false promised land sounded so good once…

    1. Elizabeth says:

      Don’t stop believing in your dreams, no matter what someone else says. It could lead to deep depression. Believe in your dreams until they come true. This is called motivation and is essential in life, Ollie.

  7. Kat Huff says:

    Love isn’t like the movies, that’s not real life. A woman doesn’t need a hero, she is her own hero, her own knight, her own fighter. Women are powerful, strong; when they believe in themselves. Loving someone doesn’t complete a person because we cannot love well until we know that we are already complete as a person. Falling in love is not a matter of fulfillment or gain, but love exists merely for the sake of love. No fairytale, no movie nor story book fantasy tell the mystery of love’s story, far from it. Good post, HG.

  8. indiglowsky says:

    The Waltons..hehehe. Goodnight, John Boy 🐻

  9. Maria says:

    Romeo and Juliet was not a happy ending..

  10. Claire says:

    I must admit I put on my POF profile back then I am the real Bridget Jones looking for her mark darcy. I thought it was pretty catchy n this guy started chatting to me. Very intelligent and certainly fitting the roll of the gentleman. Bridget even found he had a major fall out with her on holiday! However Bridget doesn’t exist anymore and the next film will have a more modern up to date ending! That includes not going on POF!

  11. Sarabella says:

    Partly true. Turn on the radio, it’s everywhere. Movies, books. We are saturated in people describing the human condition.

    But this is NOT an invitation to LIE about it. Big difference. You don’t feel love? Then don’t fake it. Why is that so hard? So what if other people do. And are moved to explore it and find it. The problem is not the plethera of all that information/misinformation, but that you would exploit it and mirror what you cannot feel just to get high off of someone’s pain because even if the short term you get positive fuel, it always ends in PAIN for the other. Doesn’t it? Pain is the ultimate goal for you, despite the positive fuel.

    So one to blame still lies with you. Since you cannot feel love, just go screw a prostitute and be done with all the rest. No one gets hurt. Find your fuel in some other way that doesn’t involve faking something you can never feel or honestly participate in.

    My daughter is very young and has NOT been exposed to even a fraction of all this. Guess what she does? Wants to take care of me, bring me breakfast in bed, loves me, hugs me, wants to snuggle all the time, be touched and loved. Its her instinct, but guess what? She is also mirroring the love she is getting from ME. Its not all made up or fabricated externally. It really can exist between people. She has the ability to reflect it back within her own heart and being. So you know that there are those of us for whom we are not play acting. Stay away from us. Find your fuel elsewhere. Why destroy over and over what you can never have, just because you can’t have it? Again, it’s the endless revenge you are seeking only from the wrong people.

  12. Bloody Elemental says:

    Our kind are not doing anything different than the movies, songs, books, media/advertising, et al.

    Peddling false hopes. Perpetuating the illusion of a dream that is too good to be true. Coating everything in sticky, sweet, sugary nonsense and getting you drunk on carefully crafted rhetoric.

    Why is it acceptable for films, music, books, advertising to treat you in this fashion – using film, pages of words, lyrics set to beautiful music, etc – to sell you something that simply does not exist?

    1. Sarabella says:

      It does exist. Just because advertising jumped on to NLP and exploits anything for a buck. Cultural bias. Musicians get paid to be more daring and vulgat than the last. But other cultures are not like the west. The Roman Empire also fell in a sea of debauchery. Political Pomerology….. Psychopaths in suits. The pendulum has swung culturally towards psychopathology. Maybe it reflects the overall spiritual and soul disintegration of everyone but not that it doesn’t exist in itself. Abusers often create abusers and on and on it goes. Disenfranchment in everyone. Breakdown of many things, deeply unhappy people taught to buy what they can’t generate from within…. And along comes a slick peddler selling a love potent but its really poison….

    2. Matilda says:

      There is truth in what you say, Bloody Elemental.

      It *does* exist though! But art in general needs to appeal to the global market to sell, across all cultural boundaries. So, common denominators are found and used, which leaves us with a limited perception of love.

      1. Bloody Elemental says:

        It matters not to me whether it exists or not. It is not something I am interested in as there are far more important things to me than love, soul mating and the like.

        Its existence is clearly of great import for your kind though, Matilda, and regardless of how many times you lot get hurt, burned, broken and bent, many of you continue to hold on to hope.

        It is your hope, your blind trust and belief in an illusion that is crammed down your throat from the moment you are born that is paramount to me.

        The socios and psychos that run the world use their powers to seduce you with impossible fairytales and delusions of what love can and should be. They do this all day, every day, effectively laying the groundwork for us.

        One of the reasons our methods of ensnaring you are so effective is because our kind has done an excellent job of planting the seeds (through media, art, etc) of Prince Charmings, white picket fences, finishing each others sentences, long walks on the beach, sex that is an expression of love – a veritable garden of pointless nonsense.

        The seeds take root. Expectations soar to unattainable heights. And then we come along to capitalize on it and exploit you. For you, it is a dream come true and you never stop to question the reality of it all because society has conditioned you to want it, to need it, to believe in it, to do everything in your power to get it.

        Even when your empathic little heart skips a beat or two because, for a fleeting moment, it is trying to tell you that this is all too good to be true and it will not last, you ignore it. You ignore it because society keeps perpetuating the ruse that it does exist. You ignore logic because you so desperately want and need it to be real.

        It is all a big game. The rules are never clear. The odds are never stacked in your favour and the only thing that matters to us is victory in whatever form it comes.

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Perfectly stated as usual. I see this clearly but I am not labelled Narc so when I dare to approach certain things that I observe (such as what you state here) I am usually met with vitriole and /or avoidance. People say they dont like labels but they sure kneel to them when it suits them.

      2. Matilda says:

        Love is an illusion to you because you are incapable of feeling it. That is your problem, not ours!

        You mean the victory of living a life of lies, the victory of hiding behind your masks, incapable of facing the truth? Congratulations, you truly are victorious!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thanks very much.

      3. Matilda says:

        I was replying to BE. A patronising, belittling tone does not sit well with me at all…

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I wasn’t patronising you. I was thanking you for the declaration of victory. As I have stated before, I will take the victory no matter what the circumstances so it was genuine thanks.

      4. Matilda says:

        Ah, I see… all a matter of perspective.

      5. Matilda says:

        For the avoidance of doubt, I was referring to BE’s post with regard to “patronising, belittling”… I had that in my life, and I will never tolerate that ever again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thanks for the clarification Matilda.

      6. Matilda says:

        You’re welcome, HG.

        Off to read some ‘Jane Eyre’ now to calm the rage, the only medicine that works… 🙂

      7. Bloody Elemental says:


        I appreciate the way you seek out knowledge in order to learn or validate instead of just assuming as so many others do. I have no reason to launch into vitriol or avoid your questions because 1. unless you provoke me or disrespect me, I will always respond respectfully to you and 2. I am proud of and content with who I am.

        I am labeled because of my diagnosis but my label does not define me. I define my label.

        As HG said, I do not care how the victory is won, only that I win.

        I did not address you in a patronizing or belittling way, but if I did, I would not give a rip if it sat well with you or not.

        I do not hide from the truth. I am well aware of how I operate and why I operate in this manner. I am well aware that what I do is considered to be wrong and immoral and I am well aware that I hurt others regularly. I have no moral compass and I simply do not care. How is that for honesty?

        The fact that I cannot feel love is not a problem for me – how can I yearn for something I have never been able to feel? It is a problem for those who become entangled with me and expect me to reflect their grand illusion of what love is back at them and then get all hurt when the mirror is shattered into a million tiny pieces.

        It would not be my problem anyway since the fact that I cannot feel love and do not care about it is the result of genetics (which I cannot do anything about) and the fact that those who had the most to do with raising me are/were sociopaths/psychopaths.

        Those who molded and cultivated me saw that I needed assistance and guidance early on and their careful schooling and molding shaped me into a much more sophisticated and effective machine than what I would have been had I been left to my own devices.

        Saying our lack of feeling is our “problem” is short-sighted, inaccurate and sophomoric since both HG and I have concrete reasons for being the way we are, none of which are our fault.

        I was born this way and then carefully molded and instructed along the way. HG clearly has a genetic predisposition to narcissistic/sociopathic behaviour and he also suffered abuse that resulted in his being the way he is. Neither of us grew up with love as the centerpiece of our family dynamic so it should be no great surprise that it is a foreign concept to us now that we are grown.

        People say things like, “Well if you wanted to, you could change.” It is not that simple. If you do not know what you are, you cannot change what you do not know. If you do know what you are, you will not change because you see nothing wrong with the way you are.

        The only thing therapy ever did for me was help me gain control of my rage and give me a better understanding about why I am the way I am so I can manipulate and con people more effectively.

      8. Matilda says:

        Whatever, Bloody Elemental.

    3. Mona says:

      Bloody Elemental, I experienced true love long ago, including all that romantical stuff. After a few years we knew each other so well, that it was boring for both of us. So we decided to part. There is still a strong bond between us. And it will be until death. Ten years after we had broken, he came back to me to put the ring of his own marriage on my finger. That was a very big compliment for me. Nevertheless we both knew that we had to go our own different ways. There was a lot of respect and still some kind of love. I never found a man like him again and I did not think that it would be so difficult.

  13. frecklemeadow says:

    I can’t stop ctrying

  14. Flickatina says:

    You had me until Bella and Edward. HG, you and I are a better love story than that!

  15. Susan says:

    “Giving you the last Rolo”
    HaHaHaHa!! that’s hilarious! I love Rolo’s

    1. Overthinker says:

      Ha … Made me laugh too …I found “a last rolo” today on the kitchen table… No romantic gesture… The last of my daughter’s when she has been eating 2 at time… I said loudly to myself with a sarcastic tone “Happy Valentines to me” and scoffed! X x

  16. Brian says:

    I’ve had good friendships , so I thought that would carry on over to dealings with the opposite sex.
    I also was pumped up with the illusions offered by movies and songs.
    I guess it’s partly our fault.

  17. Laurie says:

    Believing everyone and everything except our own instincts. That is where the blame belongs.

    1. Elizabeth says:

      No, no, no, no, no. The blame belongs 100% with the deceiving narcissist.

  18. Insatiable Learner says:

    Classic narcissistic blame shifting and lack of accountability. You pretended to be offering and capable of these things. It’s like a job applicant who lies on his resume by misrepresenting his skills, knowledge, and experience and ultimately proving to be incapable of doing the job then blames the employer for falling for it and hiring him.

  19. k says:

    Profound….and tear worthy. But do not confuse our tears with weakness or manipulation. Do not underestimate the insight or strength behind our tears. Our tears are not for us.

    1. Overthinker says:

      After reading that my tears are for me … I used to love reading quotes by F Scott Fritzgerald then read he what his true character was … I sadly believed in an encompassing love.. x x

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