A Glimpse of the Future

 

a-glimpse-of-the-future

 

It is well known that our kind operate by the wearing of masks. We have learned how to portray those emotions which we do not feel. We have ascertained that in certain situations we are expected to respond in a particular way. We know that by donning a particular mask we are more likely to charm and seduce you. We are aware that maintaining a certain mask the vicious malevolence that lurks beneath can be kept in check so that we achieve acceptability and the advancement of our agendas. There are occasions when we will give you a glimpse of what lies beneath this mask. I am not referring to when we whip the mask off and subject you to devaluation. That is a purposeful and intended act on our part. I am not making reference to when the mask fractures as a consequence of the ignition of our fury and the lesser and mid-range of our kind are unable to keep the mask in place so that the ignited fury erupts and the malicious beast is unleashed. There are occasions however when we provide you with a fleeting glance beneath the mask as to what lies beneath. This will happen during the seduction period. Sometimes it is as a consequence of the effect of a particular agent, such as alcohol. Sometimes, especially with the greater of our kind, it is done as deliberate act in order to gauge your reaction. In such an instance, we tell you of what lies ahead to see if you baulk at the suggestion, or that more likely you respond in a sympathetic manner of even by way of denial.

“I couldn’t ever imagine you doing that.”

“That won’t happen with me though. It might have with other people but I will treat you better than they have.”

“You’re not like that, don’t be silly.”

“I don’t see you doing something like that, you are too nice.”

If you respond in such terms when you have been given such a warning, then this is a green light to us that we have you under our control and that you will accord with our desires and machinations. It also allows us, when we do eventually behave in the manner described down the line during the devaluation, to throw it back in your face by saying.

“I did warn you.”

“Why are you complaining? I was upfront that this would happen.”

“I told you so.”

“It’s no use crying about it now. I told you what I was like.”

“I told you and you chose to stay with me. It is your fault.”

Not only does this enable us to avoid blame, something we must achieve, it will also result in you reacting and providing us with fuel.

With the lesser or mid-range of our kind, these comments are more akin to thinking aloud. The mask does slip, unintentionally for a moment, through the explanation of a future behaviour before it is realised what has been said and the disclosure is brushed to one side, denied or passed off as a silly comment owing to drink or being tired. Why do these comments arise in such a manner from the lesser and mid-range of our kind? Is it guilt or remorse? No, because those emotions are not felt by our kind. It arises from a lack of control. The “bad” behaviour that will arise at some point is lurking beneath the surface and like a cat fighting to get out of a sack, it is always wanting to make an appearance but is prevented from doing so by the maintenance of the mask that is worn. Occasionally, through the loss of control – it may be drink, it may be fatigue, it may be through inattention – what lurks beneath makes a brief and fleeting appearance before the control is exerted once again. Here are fifteen portentous show and tells of our kind. Should you ever hear these comments you ought to pay heed to the warning that you are being given.

  1. I am a bad person really.
  2. I will only hurt you.
  3. You should stay away from me.
  4. I do bad things. I cannot help it. I always do.
  5. I will make you wish you had never met me.
  6. It will go wrong, it always does.
  7. You will end up hating me.
  8. You don’t know what you are getting into with me.
  9. You shouldn’t do this.
  10. You should leave while you can.
  11. This is going to turn out badly.
  12. I have to hurt people.
  13. I don’t want to hurt you, but I will.
  14. I just want to fit in.
  15. I’m not what you think I am.
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12 thoughts on “A Glimpse of the Future”

  1. I heard – I’m damaged , I can’t give you anymore than I’m giving . I don’t fit in
    Couldn’t understand what he meant

  2. Oh and for the last few months before discard he developed a habit of playing ‘Creep’ by Radiohead most days….I saw it coming but it didn’t make it any easier.

  3. Hindsight, what a wonderful word! Before we married my ex narc told me “I’ve never really ended a relationship, I’ve just frozen the woman out of my life & been distant until she gave up and left me”

  4. Nope! I got “I’m a hopeless romantic.” Then talked about how close he is with his whole family. Especially his grandparents. Oh and because he was the baby and his mom was so sad about the “empty nest” when he moved out, he calls her everyday to check on her.
    I got none of the warnings with JN. lol

    1. C,
      I know several narcs that have the strange attachment to the Mom. It was like they were idolizing her. Talked everyday and no one measured up to her. These ones had problems with the Dad. Not close to the Dad, didn’t do alot of guy things like sports. Just into fuel gathering. Was JN like that?

      1. I would have thought that too, but no. He spoke very highly of his dad also, just not as much. Had an older brother that he hangs out with frequently with his sister-in-law. Is a God parent to his cousin’s daughter. Loves babies and kids.
        So when his dark side came out privately it was so demoralizing being made to feel I and only me brings this out of him.
        For a long time now I have thought, whoever his future wife ends up being is so screwed. I know what he can dole out and his family life is Iron-clad. She will be completely isolated.

  5. Some that I have heard—

    “You deserve somebody better than me.”

    “If I were you, I’d leave me.”

    “I am the type of person that should never be married.”

    ” I don’t think I have ever loved anyone.”

  6. With my ex husband during his first affair, which was with a woman who had no idea he was married, he told me on the phone that he did not know what love was. At the time we had been married ten years with a house and two children. I took him back and we were married for twenty years. He had two more affairs and with the last one i got discarded. I should have heeded is honesty. I recently got out of a would be disaster when the guy i was with first told me on the phone that he hated women. Thanks be to HG.

  7. Him: i am different.
    Me: How do you mean you are different?
    Him: different than other guys.
    Me: please explain
    Him: Dont worry…you will see in due time… Th more we spend time together the more you will see what I mean

    That was the warning I got. Silly me thought he meant different in a good way and this comment actually made me excited.

  8. My ex narcissist told me he was a sociopath. My response was “no you’re not…you’re the most loving and nurturing person I know.” Looking back on that moment now I realize I was trying to somehow “will” what I wanted to be true onto him. He told me to my face what was in store for me. He told me. I refused to believe it. He could’ve said “I’m going to kill you” and I would’ve said “no you won’t.” He was being honest in that moment. I’m the one that lied to me.

    1. Hi Claudine,
      I heard the exact same thing along with that whole list and just like you I didn’t believe it and didn’t want it to believe.
      I tried to convince my ex that none of what she was saying was true.

      I will pay attention to this list for the rest of my life. I will believe every word if I ever hear them again.

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