Shouldn’t Have Done That



You caught the same train at 8-05 am every day from Monday to Friday. You always sat at a window seat nearest to the door with a seat beside you and a double seat opposite you. You never sat and read the paper. You did not hold a book. You kept your mobile ‘phone in your bag rather than prod and jab at it. You preferred to look at the passing scenery. You preferred to look at your fellow travellers. You told me that the opposite seat was free. You returned my smile.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello on the following day. You smiled again. You engaged in small talk with me and answered my seemingly innocuous questions. You accepted my compliment about your fragrance with modesty and thanks. You told me your name and I told you mine.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You said hello again the day after and the one after that. You smiled at me first this time. You engaged in small talk again but it grew from small to medium as the train left the station. You told me where you worked and what you did. You told me where you used to work. You explained all about your hoped for transfer to another department. You told me about your colleagues and laughed at my remarks about them.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You turned in your seat looking for me as I entered the train. You smiled and the smile was wider. You waved me over and we engaged in conversation. The small talk had been left on the platform. You told me this, you told me that and you told me about the other. I absorbed it all. I told you how your outfit suited you and you told me where you got it from. You told me where you lived. You told me you lived alone.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You looked for me again as you did every day. You always kept a seat for me. Sometimes opposite you. Sometimes beside you. You always had plenty to talk to me about. You showed me your new ‘phone and I saw the Facebook logo. I also memorised your four-digit passcode as you tentatively typed it. You told me that you were going for drinks after work and you told me the bar.

You shouldn’t have done that.

I went to the bar but did not look for you. You came and found me instead. You invited me over. You invited me and my two lieutenants to join you and your colleagues. You introduced me to them and them to me. I made you laugh. I made them laugh. I bought you more drinks. You touched my arm and your touch lingered.

You shouldn’t have done that.

Your privacy settings are not as good as they should be. You placed so much of your life online. You accepted my friend request. You messaged me first that Thursday evening and I messaged back. You messaged again and again so I did so too. You told me about your plans. You told me about your family. You told me about your friends.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for coffee. You answered my questions. You gave me more and more information as our friendship grew. You gave me your telephone number. You told me about your ex. You told me about the one before him. You showed tears in your eyes.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You met me for dinner. You laughed at my jokes. You told me your hopes. You told me your fears. You told me what you liked and I liked it too. You told me where you wanted to travel to and I wanted to travel there too. You looked in my eyes and you allowed me in.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You invited me to the party at your house. You greeted me with delight. You let me into your house. You showed me your books. You showed me your tastes. You showed me your friends and let me entertain them. You showed me my recruits. You poured me a drink and I poured one for you, then another and another. You kept coming to see me as I kept the group in the palm of my hand. You smiled and you laughed and you looked at me with something else, something more in your eyes. You kissed me.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You answered my calls. Each and every one. You talked with me for hours. You answered every one of my messages. You showed excitement. You showed delight. You showed enthusiasm. You accepted the flowers. You rang and thanked me. You accepted the jewellery. You rang squealing with pleasure. You accepted the invitations. You invited me over. You made me dinner. You insisted I stay. You took me to bed.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You thrilled at my notes. You soared at my voicemails. You revelled in my messages. You thanked me for my generosity. You clapped your hands in excitement when I showed you the tickets. You kept asking me to stay. You held on to me all night. You whispered in my ear and told me what you wanted, although I already knew.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You told me to leave a toothbrush. You insured me on your car. You gave me a key. You booked our first holiday together. You introduced me to your family. You introduced me to your boss. You introduced me to him, to her, to everyone. You believed everything I told you.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You gave me your heart and said keep it safe. You told me your plans for us. You told me you loved me though I said it first. You told me nothing like this had happened before.

You shouldn’t have done that.

You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. You let my tendrils slide around you. You told me how I had captured your heart and made you a queen. I whispered softly in your ear as you slept in my arms,

“I always do that.”

44 thoughts on “Shouldn’t Have Done That

  1. Lapofthegods says:


  2. Presque Vu says:

    Wow! Just wow!
    This is close to the bone. How do you do this, write in this way, convey actual moments.
    I’m stupid. I will learn.

  3. NO says:

    I’ve read every word on this blog – I think this is the most upsetting thing I’ve read yet

  4. twilight says:

    Every Breath You Take
    I should have paid more attention to the lyrics
    I had to desensitized myself as to darn if it didn’t play several times a day where I work. Memories start to run wild so it was a very painful time.

    1. Snow White says:

      Hi Twilight,
      I felt the same way.
      The message was in several of her music selections for me and what she had for my ringtone but who would have known?

      Going anywhere was a nightmare because I would hear the songs played and the only place I could control them was in my car which HG taught me to turn the dial immediately. I know it sounds like such a common sense thing to do but if I wouldn’t have read it I would have sat there listening in agony.

      I think desensitizing is a great word.
      There’s only a couple songs left that really get to me.

      You are so write about how painful it is. That moment when you hear one of those songs that take you back is paralyzing.

      1. twilight says:

        Hi Snow White
        Yes it is, he used to play many songs for me. I have a huge list if I didnt desensitize myself I would be stuck with classical.
        Now when I hear them I just start singing and dancing, associate them with other things. Like dancing with my granddaughter, i love her giggle and she dances with me. Or at work to which when caught have at times been a little embarrassing when caught singing.
        Yet i think I may be a bit masochistic in the way I do things. I will say HG suggestions are far easier to purge yourself then the way I do things. I keep listening until I feel nothing, its messy at times but the release of all the emotions that I pull in its needed, or I suffer longer.

        1. Snow White says:

          Awwww Twilight!!!
          Nothing more precious than a child’s giggle. You can’t help but smile. I’m glad you have her around.

          And I wanted to tell you that the tart cherry juice you were talking about just showed up in one of my magazines.
          It made me smile.😉

          1. twilight says:

            She is precious, I love spending time with her. Your right her giggle is one of the sweetest sounds. I can’t help but smile when I hear her.
            You would not believe what just starting playing Every Breath You take. I am so amused tonight. Signs signs signs now to wait and see what comes to be.

            Are you going to try it?

          2. Snow White says:

            Hi Twilight!
            Sometimes I hate all the signs!
            Three years ago I thought I was getting all these signs to be with my ex and they were all wrong!!!!!
            I hope you get to spend a lot of time with her. ❤️❤️❤️

            I might try it! Lol
            Ive been reading all sorts of new nutritional information. I’m trying to build muscle. Lol

          3. twilight says:

            That’s awesome SW!
            I don’t get as much time as I would like, my husband aka work, keeps me busy at the moment.
            20 days and this girl is relaxing and thinking of sand and the ocean.

          4. Snow White says:

            Let the countdown begin for you Twilight!!!!
            The beach is my absolute favorite place to be and someday I’m moving there.
            Wishing you peace and relaxation. 🌴

          5. twilight says:

            Thanks bunches Snow White
            Lol I will be in search of an adventure after a day…..

  5. E. B. says:

    “…You shouldn’t have done that. You made this choice. You let me in. You ignored the red flags. …”

    I highly recommend reading H G’s book “Danger: 50 Things You Should Not Do With A Narcissist”. It describes in details mistakes people make when in contact his kind.
    It is necessary to protect ourselves from narcissistic people in all areas of our lives and not only in intimate relationships. This book is really very informative and helpful for all kinds of relationships.
    I especially liked the Introduction to this book. It is about our modern society and its narcissistic tendencies being seen as normal and this makes people with a NPD harder to detect.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you EB.

  6. MLA - Clarece says:

    I shouldn’t have gone to the Homecoming Football game. It was an impromptu invite and wasn’t the original plan for the day. Nothing erases the day I laid eyes on JN for the first time. Or rather when he did to me.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Almost cinematic Clarece.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        That’s why it slays me every time…

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        To add to your comment here and connecting your Expanded Truth on songs, the only song that jars me with JN is hearing Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing.” Heard it the day I met him. Heard it the first time he stayed at my house. And following, I would say at least 12 times over the last 3 years I have heard that song on the radio or in a store within 24 hours of him hoovering me after a long period of silence. It’s like a JN Alarm when I hear it. I kid you not. Just to add to your cinematic theme! haha

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I don’t like that song either.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Oh, that’s because it triggers me about JN and not to go pick up and read your blog again. I never said I didn’t like the song. I just said it’s my alarm now.

      3. I empathize says:

        Do you have a girlfriend HG? I think you’re my type. 😏 My narcissist is giving me the silent treatment and is currently with my replacement. He already Hoovered my friend. It’s time to begin plotting my revenge.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I do have one IE.

  7. Mona says:

    When I look at friends of mine, they did all the same. And they are still happy, have children, love each other. Only the focus of me was false. I should have had a look at the red flags first. There were some to be seen in the very beginning. How he talked about women, how he talked about his ex, how he talked about his youth and the things he did. I neglected all that. I focused myself on his lovely words. I thought, ok, he is not the best catch, but he loves me. And I am too old to find a better one. I have to work very hard, there is no time to find a better one. And – of course – I had no self-esteem at that time. After years of being told that nothing is ever good enough, I lost it somewhere. I tried to talk about my doubts about him with friends, with my family.. They all told me : “Don`t be that sophisticated. He is such a nice guy. Men are sometimes a little bit like that, don`t worry about it.” Even one year later, when I complained about his behaviour, they said: “Don`t you think, you exaggerate? You have been alone for a long time, you are not used to adjust to a man. You are too independent, you are not used to a relationship at all. ” I do not accuse them, they could not know, how he really was. I should have heard on my gut. Nevertheless the first phase was too seductive. Now I really know, where I have to look at first. Check him as much as possible. Build up big boundaries. That is no insurance. But it helps a little bit. Otherwise – I knew he did not fit to me, so it was my fault at some points. I did not want to see that.

  8. Exhausted says:

    Sick. But, once again spot on

  9. k says:

    No, no – we SHOULD have done that. And when “they” prove to be unworthy, we should (and WILL) move on. After our roller coaster-ride it’s easy to question ourselves. But we must not allow the devastation/debilitation to kill our faith. Come on guys, just because “they” cannot feel….does not mean we should lose our ability to. Are you going to let them take that from you?

    1. Maria says:

      you are right
      I will never let anyone steal my trust.. friendliness.. e sincere caring spirit.. .
      It is my essence

  10. Stormborn says:

    What an excellent piece of writing! Thank you for sharing.

  11. Patty Hensley says:

    Omg! How did you know how it all went down. I trusted so much. He said I was the final love of his life.
    He said not to worry. He would never leave me.
    Wasn’t a train ride but so many things were just like this story. I trusted him with my heart and he tore it apart with pleasure.

  12. Joanne says:

    Ok as much as I appreciate this post… HG, could you give us a little more transparency on how to catch red flags before things become habitual?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      By all means Joanne, read the book Red Flag.

  13. An Empath says:

    HG, i believe you and your kind are emotional vampires. You suck your victim’s emotions until they become bone dry. Then you move to another empathic individual.
    Your kind has been designed to seduce and charm good people and then abuse them for being loving, caring, compassionate and kind.
    So vampires do exist but they don’t suck blood they suck emotions and they look exactly like us.

    1. Maria says:

      An Emphat
      they can actually even suck blood…

  14. Ms brown says:

    WE should ask and observe, before answering to YOU. That is what I take from this post…

  15. Snow White says:

    Trust no one!!!!
    So many shouldn’t haves.
    I like reading this one.
    I am more aware of my surroundings every day because of articles like this.

  16. Holy Reality says:

    I have a second home in Italy overlooking an olive grove as part of the 45 acre estate. I shouldn’t have told you (her) that. Lmao

    1. Maria says:

      Holy Reality


    2. Maria says:

      Homy Reality

      I am Italian from Tuscany , living in England.
      Nice that you have a house in Italy.
      I do not even have one there.

      1. Maria says:

        sorry.. i meant: Holy Reality

        1. Holy Reality says:

          Maria …no need to apologize. That also works. Might just change my name.

  17. musteryou says:

    From what I have been able to tell, the narc will end up blaming you for showing perfectly good qualities, such as trust, empathy, solidarity, respect, and that sort of thing. So far as I have been able to work it out, the narc is a resolved skeptic about these sorts of things, or even views them in a very cynical manner. I think in a way all of these positive characteristics are viewed by the narc as stealthy methods of trying to steal his property. Take empathy for instance. It is the projection of one’s feelings into another person’s circumstances, to enable us to participate in their reactions. But to a narc, this means you don’t have an identity of your own, so that you are confusing yourself with the other person. Empathy is viewed by the narc as a manner of stealthily stealing another person’s identity, so it is to be soundly punished. Also expressing reverence for someone who seems to take on a mentoring role, by learning from them and expressing it to others, is a way of stealing their intellectual property, so it has to be soundly punished. Everything is cast in a negative light, but there is no way of knowing that the narc will do this, because they present a totally different persona to the world, for instance that of the kindly mentor. That’s not their really personality and they have a totally different view of things, that they will not let on about until they think they have you in their web.

  18. Noneedtoknow says:

    Sly fox you are HG!

  19. claire says:

    Hmm I agree. I’ve done a lot I shouldn’t have. Life is a learning curve!

  20. sea Shell says:

    She “shouldn’t have done that”? But what she did was all so very normal. I can’t see what you did that would have possibly alerted her to your kind. It’s frightening. Can we trust no one?

    1. E. B. says:

      sea Shell,
      The Empath in the story lacks healthy personal boundaries.

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