Money is one of the most obvious ways in which one can demonstrate one’s power. Money provides options, it reveals opportunities and provides chances where none might have existed previously. Money equates to power and power equates to money. We have a healthy attitude to the question of money. What we create is ours. Yours is ours also. I have written previously how the successful of our kind exhibit our success and our power through the accumulation of money. It may be the creation of a successful business, the climbing of the corporate ladder into well-paid positions of responsibility and it might be the production of items and services that others require. There are of course those of our kind who have not grasped the concept that there is an unique opportunity afforded by the way that we are to be successful and in turn earn substantial amounts of money. Those of our kin who have not harnessed our special attributes in that manner are quite frankly a disappointment and they shall forever remain lesser narcs. Yes they are narcs but quite frankly they are not in my league or that of my high-achieving counterparts. I must admit to having nothing but contempt for those our kind who have failed to apply our abilities in this manner. They are letting the side down. That, however, is a topic for another day. What our less able kind and those of us who have embraced success do have in common is the unfailing ability to drain you of your financial health.

How does this manifest? Perhaps some of the following will be familiar to you?

  • Never paying for drinks and meals when out together
  • Never contributing to joint expenses and then spending a small fortune on something for ourselves
  • Borrowing money repeatedly with a convincing tale of woe attached. The money is never re-paid.
  • Taking out loans in your name which you only find about some time later when they are in default
  • Learning the house has been mortgaged to the hilt and the advanced funds have been frittered away
  • Expensive addictions to drink, drugs, prostitutes and/or gambling which we expect you to bail us out of
  • Straight forward theft
  • Failing to honour maintenance and child support arrangements
  • Selling your possessions
Why does this happen? Sometimes it is about instant gratification. We want something and we want it immediately. We have always been used to getting our own way so why should it be any different when it comes to the question of money? We do not recognise any boundary that says we should not have your money. It is in play and up for grabs. We want something and you can pay for it. This of course reinforces our control over you by seizing your finances and goods we have you beholden to what we want to do. We show that we are in control and of course we anticipate horror, howls or protest and anger when you learn of our activity. All of which is good fuel. There is also an element of retribution. We may have been denied something and this in turn offends our sense of entitlement. We feel criticised and we want to get rid of that sensation. One method is to assert our power by taking what belongs to you and using it to our benefit. Sometimes we do this an expend your financial resource in a totally excessive fashion which just wastes the money. To us however there is no waste in such a step. It underlines our importance, it affirms our power and it keeps you under out control.
The scale by which our kind engages in this sequestration of the money and assets of others can vary hugely in scale, even when perpetrated by the same person. In that vein I am reminded of the late Robert Maxwell. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the name, Maxwell was a Czech born media mogul who operated a publishing empire in the United Kingdom. He fell off his yacht in 1991 and drowned. There is little doubt that he was one of our kind – plenty has been written about the man and his behaviours which confirms that. Maxwell plundered the company pension scheme stealing hundreds of millions of pounds from the pensions of the employees leaving thousands of people in financial difficulty. There was the misappropriation of the money of others on a massive scale. Maxwell was also found on Christmas morning by his wife and children surrounded by torn wrapping paper. He had wanted to know what had been bought for the children. Rather than ask his wife, he went ahead and opened all the wrapped gifts. He did not take the gifts but he certainly trampled over a boundary and appropriated the surprise that was meant for his children. Nobody is beyond our sense of entitlement when it comes to money or assets.

15 thoughts on “Money

  1. Only one of these points is familiar to me through my ex husband, thankfully. He used to use me for my good credit rating. He wanted a new item of furniture or gadget? I had to get it on credit/finance in my name. He never explained why he had bad credit and I never questioned it. Now it is me with the bad credit because he left me in debt. Slowly pulling myself out of it but it’s a long slog.

  2. Twilight/Dawn says:

    I was very content to let him do what he want (mistresses) he didnt pay attention to what I was doing. I put myself through school, worked and took care of my children. It was easy to make him believe I was going to school to make life easier. In reality I was slowly preparing to escape. I made a mistake and he found out about an account I had. He went on one hell of a spending spree. All he told me was what was mine was his, holding the marriage license. I knew what he was saying as to he once told me those were his papers showing he owned me. I just went to the bedroom and cried, I felt like I failed in protecting my children. I didnt want them to grow up in the same environment I did.
    He kept a very close eye on me after that.

  3. numb says:

    Cost me $100,000 per year. Wish I had found you five years ago HG.

  4. dawninggrace says:

    Then I should be thankful that the replacement is a wealthy heiress who was shocked when he complained about child support and alimony. Heard through the grapevine that she told him “Suck it up buttercup. Any woman who would spend 30+ years and have 8 children with you is a saint and deserves way more than you’re paying!”

    I now copy ALL e-mail correspondence regarding the children to the replacement. She is an ally in calling out greediness and advocating for my children’s welfare. The spotlight is on him so he is motivated to put on a nice generous daddy performance for sugar mama.

  5. Mona says:

    There are a lot more tricks to draw money out of the victims. I do not tell them, too many narcissist could learn them also. Subtle, dirty tricks, but legal. Yes, at first they invest some money in you (buying presents etc) and then they want much more back. We should stay for the first sixth month and then leave.Sometimes I think I really should do that . Why not? If he is too polite, too friendly, too charming, giving too many presents in the beginning, he is probably a narcissist. Why should I not use my knowledge that HG gave me for my own advantage? I never did that in my past, but now?????? Sorry, but I lost a lot of my conscience.

  6. Not So Sad says:

    Thanks for this HG.

    Next to himself narcs only love in life was money, in fact he was completely obsessed with it. He’d see me struggle financially yet happily produce a wad of cash in front of me & positively relish counting it out.

    Every waking moment of his day was spent on get rich quick schemes, stocks, shares, cash back sites. He’d squirrel it away in other peoples accounts & avoid paying tax whenever he was paid” cash in hand” He always enjoyed spending money on things he wanted for himself, new car no problem. BUT Ask him to contribute financially towards any of the bills he ran up, the odd meal out or a bottle of wine & I may just as well have asked him to cut his wan%king hand off 🙂

  7. MLA - Clarece says:

    This is one of those articles that I get a slow building nauseous feeling as I read realizing my ex-husband of 16 years had many more layers of narcissism than I could have ever imagined.
    He lied to me when we got married that his mom helped him pay off some credit card debt. Nope! Debt collectors calling about $2000 after year 1. To him, credit cards were an extension of cash in his wallet. If he had to have something, instant gratification was status quo. When he went thru a golf phase, the best titanium clubs went on the card. Cigar smoking phase – Cubans and humidor charged and so on. Similar phases followed. The best was he would hide the cc bill when it came in the mail, until I was in a “good mood” to handle seeing what he charged each month, because of course, I was the designated spouse to handle all finances and getting bills paid. Ugh!

  8. Stephanie Farlow says:

    My ex and father of my 2 younger children literally wiped me out financially. He is guilty of every one of the crimes you listed. He is of a lesser kind.
    Now let’s talk about the mid range in my life. My current addiction and thorn in my side. I realized that he had this in him to a degree as well. Not so much with me although after a bit I saw some of the behavior’s. I saw him for one he would only get into serious relationship s w women if they had a great job ,their own home, etc. Resources. Then over the years I noticed he would always stay with them and use their utilities , eat their food.
    It took me a while to grasp this because with me he always paid but then I noticed if I went to the store for him. I would buy everything. I would treat to show I could hold my own. He would sometimes abuse this. Still and all mostly because I had suffered such a blow financially from my ex that I didn’t have the resources at first. I cannot believe it took me that long to seevhow he took advantage of his other primary sources.

  9. Ms brown says:

    He said “Whats yours is mine and whats mine is mine”…. and that is exactly what happened. He targets and charms wealthy divorces and widows, ruthlessly. I can only wish I had had, all your information years ago.

    1. AH OH says:

      Which are you? Divorcee or Widow? I am very tight fisted most times.

      1. Ms brown says:

        @AhOh…. I was divorcee (he is lesser/victim)

        1. AH OH says:

          Ms Brown I hope you did not let him hurt you financially. Scrubs not allowed!

  10. amsodone says:

    “What we create is ours. Yours is ours also”… Money is power.. however, so is our empath awareness and increasing knowledge.
    And just maybe, one does not simply “fall off” their yacht… just sayin

  11. IntelAvatar says:

    Brilliant subject – just got back from beach. Just sitting basking – total stranger came along w 2 chairs. Offered me one. I had cushioned mat but I was in a yes place so joined him for water sun surf n sand and lots of potential appliances. Oh the fuel ⛽️ I gave him. Deliberately. He was loving it I could tell. I found out pretty quickly what level he was playing at. After I was done drilling, I picked up my mat shook his hand and scarpered. Not before exchanging phone numbers. Your kind indeed. But I’m on a supernova already🙊😂

  12. Deb says:

    Thankfully none of this is familiar.

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