The False Exaggeration of the Victim



We would struggle without those twin helpers of exaggeration and embellishment as we make our mediocre achievements impressive and our decent accomplishments spectacular. Good for all occasions, a healthy and liberal sprinkling of exaggeration makes us far more appealing and alluring. Embellishing what I have done ensures I look far better than you and means that I remain the superior individual. Like salt and pepper at meal times, exaggeration and embellishment are never far from our kind. We make everything bigger, better, bolder, brighter and more brilliant. We love to magnify and multiply in order to convey just how great we are, yet, generous souls that our kind are it would not be fair if we did not allow you an opportunity to be seen to exaggerate and embellish, to make a mountain out of a mole hill and blow things out of proportion. Of course, when we provide this opportunity to you, it has none of the self-aggrandizing effects of our behaviour for ourselves but it used as an opportunity to make you seem hysterical, unreliable and someone who is trying to pin the blame on us unfairly. We use exaggeration to inflate what we are but also as a means of attacking you. Here are twenty examples of using exaggeration and embellishment to undermine you.

  1. You are hypersensitive
  2. You are over-thinking what has happened
  3. You read too much into what I say
  4. You are paranoid
  5. You are seeing things which are not there
  6. You are making that up
  7. You have to be melodramatic don’t you?
  8. You aren’t that ill really.
  9. You are over-reacting.
  10. You are making a fuss over nothing.
  11. You have lost your sense of perspective.
  12. You take things too far at times
  13. You are going over the top with this now
  14. You press the panic button too soon
  15. You are making something out of nothing
  16. You are responding in a disproportionate manner
  17. You are getting over excited about this
  18. You are losing your sense of proportion
  19. You are putting two and two together and making eight
  20. You are jumping to conclusions


When you hear these comments being made by us, you should become aware that we are using such a comment to deflect what you are saying by trying to trivialise it by suggesting you are exaggerating its effect or importance. The use of phrases such as these are stock tells by us that you have landed a blow against us and we need to reduce its impact promptly. The easiest way to do this is to not only diminish the import of what you have said but then to make you question your own behaviour by making the conversation about you, rather than us. This will also provoke you by frustrating you. You are being denied the opportunity to advance your agenda and this will increase your emotional response. This not only gives us fuel, it also means that you lose sight of your point as you are derailed by conducting the discussion in a logical fashion as you are pushed by us into the territory of emotion. Once emotion has taken hold of your thinking we are far abler to exploit this to our advantage. Recognise these comments and understand their significance when you are engaging with our kind so you are able to withdraw from or neutralise their effect.

23 thoughts on “The False Exaggeration of the Victim

  1. Sweetsoul says:

    Sarabella, same monster but different twists in the tale for all of us. I realised not long before I was discarded ( and told him so!) what I was dealing with and since he went immediately into a live in relationship with his new IPPS I heard very little from him for the 6 months that it lasted. Thankfully by the time he did attempt a Hoover I was sufficiently equipped to know what his game was and how to play it.

  2. BraveHeart says:

    HG, have you ever thought of writing books for younger children (age appropriate and user friendly, of course) to teach them, from an earlier age, what to watch for in the way of red flags and abuse?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I haven’t considered that BH.

      1. Karen Comfortably Numb says:

        Would you consider it sometime in the future HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:


  3. Maria says:

    i don’t mind to be classified as a doormat..
    it happens that i am much more needed than others..
    lots of fuel for me?
    hahahahahaha….. perhaps ..

    1. Sweetsoul says:

      Interesting Maria, you’re suggesting that empaths benefit from the fuel we provide to our Narcs? Maybe in the short term, but in the longer term it a crippling.

      1. sarabella says:

        I benefited as it was the only way to keep a connection to him. Sucks how awful backwards that is because the sheer volume of negative fuel I provided trying to process what he had done, resulted in sheer and utter overload, even for him. I never got what I wanted, he got what he wanted, and the entire thing burned itself up into a massive super mega nova. He has me completely blocked. But after a time, no fuel worked, neither positive nor negative. So my gain was short term, painful and never brought any tiny bit of the reconciliation I had hoped for. I benefited only by prolonging 5he inevitable. Still butns my heart that he cant stand my infatuation. Amazing how he once wanted it but when it became real, he regarded it with contempt, disdain and a a hatred off the charts. I benefited only by prolonging the inevitable.

  4. HG…i love your god sense….that inadvertently helps people.

  5. sarabella says:

    Is it revealing that I probably heard most of those from my mother? At least 90% and some were specifically drilled in to me my whole life. But she. She. Is a saint.

    1. Same. Father, two step dads. All narcissists. But mother…she is the very worst. Golden period, devaluation, discard. Over and over and over again. Pitting my sister and I against each other. When one was in the discard phase the other was lifted on a pedestal. I am on the pedestal at present but I know what’s coming. What goes up must come down. It’s only a matter of time. I’ve been the worst daughter ever, the worst mother ever, the meanest person ever…according to her. Associating with narcissists is like going home for me. It’s all I’ve ever known.

      1. Maria says:

        It dawns on me.. that it is the same for me.. all my life been sorrounded by Narcs..
        Now it makes sense..

      2. sarabella says:

        Yes, pitting all us kids against each other. But I am starting to feel my sister is far more like her by nature than by nurture.

        Sad way to experience life and not realize until you are much older exactly what was going on.

  6. Watermelon says:

    Is that the same as “you need to get a life, you have too much time in your hands, some of us have to work for a living’ (note: I work full time but he refuses to acknowledge what I do)

    1. Sweetsoul says:

      Yep, my ex used to do that too despite the fact I was the main breadwinner! I’d had a hard day at work…his was a disaster, I’d had a difficult client…he’d been verbally abused by a customer, I was tired…he was exhausted because he worked so much harder than me, obviously

      1. Maria says:

        I am realising that i am surrounded by a whole bunch of Narcs.. because now i see how they need me: their doormat.

        1. Sweetsoul says:

          Maria I try not to think of myself as having been a doormat, just someone with a good heart who unwittingly became entangled with a manipulative narcissistic A hole! It was a lesson – painful & expensive – but a lesson.

    2. Windstorm says:

      Oooh! That strikes a chord! I was a teacher. My husband always maintained it wasn’t a “real” job, just a hobby. Especially for the years it provided our only income! 😉 Used to irritate the crap out of me, now it just makes me laugh!

  7. Entertainment says:

    IPSS, no physical relationship. I know what he is lol. My question are you watching the game at the pub? Part Irish but doesn’t drink .

    “U are reading into things too much. I told u I’ve been watching basketball all weekend. I said the games over so I’m going to bed. Basketball game silly.”

    And the only reason I responded is because he initiated communication. I swear they all work together in some secret society. Later on in received a crazy email from an ex. I wish we could send them to area 55.

  8. Angelina says:

    You bore me HG Tudor,

    Blah , blah , blah . Enlighten me ppllease…. I was married to one of your kind for 33 years. I finally get it. He has no feelings, he never loved me, etc. …… I AM FREE ……… Ha Ha .

    Continue on, you dark knight….

  9. IntelAvatar says:

    The boundary of me to thee is kept in place by you in the form of exterior control. Your kind have been even known to fake glorious orgasms. Should the guard ever drop, a complete loss of control would ensue. Caregivers might need to be in place to assist in the reintegration. A great narc will have a great collapse. Nothing in small measure.

    1. Is that ever true.

  10. 1jaded1 says:

    Bumfuzzle and gobbledygook on your part.

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