Just Leave Him




I know what they say about me. I always know. I know they crowd around, earnest expressions etched across their made-up faces, their mouths flapping as they spout their supposed wisdom to you.

“We will be here for you. You have always got us.”

“If you are unhappy there must be something wrong.”

“Is it right to be treated like this?”

“You are not the person you used to be.”

Who are they to claim what is right for you? Have they held you on that cliff-top with the foaming ocean churning beneath us, the cool Atlantic air brushing past us as a canopy of stars hung overhead? Have they looked into your eyes and seen the pain that I know was there long before I came along, a pain that I have shouldered for you? Where were they when you called at 3am and asked that I tell you a story because you had just had a horrible nightmare? I do not recall them soothing you and keeping those night demons at bay. Do they know you inside out? I think not. They do not know every each of you in the way that I do. Each delicate piece of you that I have kissed and caressed, so there is no place about your person that has not been embraced by me. They have not done that have they? Have they held your long tresses back and rubbed your back as you spewed those cocktails back up and groaned about what how much money you have just regurgitated? No. It was I who rode to your rescue as they wove their drunken way to another bar. They do not know your favourite ten songs and I will wager more than they earn that they have no inclination that you are frightened of geese.

Oh I know alright. I know about their messages which they send you. I have seen them and it is fortunate that I have so I can spare you from the green-eyed lies. They do not have what we have and nor will they ever. One cannot blame them for their wretched jealousy, they are just flesh and blood, but are they your true friends when they seek to pour such sedition in your ears when my back is turned? Ought they not to be happy for you, delighted that you want to spend so much time with me. Do they not see that your sadness on occasions is borne out of your deep and perfect love for me, that such is our connection that you justifiably feel upset when you irk me or irritate me. I know you do not mean to do it and that is why I have not pushed you aside like those other pretenders who came before you. You understand what it is to have found someone who fulfils all your hopes and your dreams and you understand my pain when you sleight me or let me down. Yet, since you are such a good person, my upset becomes your upset but they do not see it. I suppose if I was charitable I might ascribe their short-sightedness to the fact that they lack your special qualities. Only you understand me and only you have that deep-seated bond with me so that what I feel resonates with you. That is who you are and who they are not.

I heard them caution you about moving in together, their comments about “undue haste” and “it is too early” and “he wants you where he can see you.” Well, why should I not? Why should I not have my number one fan with me as often as I can? Why would you want to be anywhere else?Why would I not want to have someone so pretty and wonderful as you besides me? Does not every winner want to show off his trophy? Of course.

I know they have cautioned you about my temper and urged you to depart, claiming that it will only get worse and you will suffer. They mistake passion for temper, but then they would wouldn’t they, it suits their selfish purposes to try and bring down what you and I have. People usually do that when they do not understand something. It is a predictable and regrettable response.  As for their remarks about me controlling you, how can that be so? I chose you for so many things and chief amongst those attributes was the attraction of your strong mind and keen intelligence. So what if I suggest what you might wear and how you should do your hair, I am taking an interest. Would you prefer it if I never commented on how you looked or made no suggestion as to what suited you? I know a couple of them think I stop you seeing them, but that is just more of their campaign of slander. Perhaps it is selfish of me, but the times I have asked you to cancel plans to see some of your friends were only because I wanted to be with you. Perhaps I sounded firmer than I intended, I suppose that might happen when you spend all day working hard to support a relationship, it does make one tired. Do not be concerned by their observations that I make all the decisions about what we do, where we go and how our money is spent. I am happy to bear such a burden for us both and you have admitted, have you not, that I do know more than you about certain things. I am only doing what is right for you, for me and most of all for us. Of course, they do not bother to gain possession of all the facts. They would much rather whisper untruths in your ear based on hearsay and ill-informed perspectives. I suppose that is a price I have to pay for loving you so totally, so completely and so perfectly.

Still, I know they urge you to leave me. I am no fool. I have overheard their comments, heard what they say when they telephone you and seen the messages. I know they want you to depart and escape me. Well, do it. Go. Leave everything that we have built up together. Leave my guiding hand and perhaps someone more grateful will come along. I do not want that but why should my largesse and love be abused in this way? Why should I pour my all into an empty hole? Go do  it. Pack your bags and leave. I will not stop you. See. If I controlled you would I not be begging you to stay and pleading with you to ignore them? If I pulled your strings as they accuse me of doing so would I not be threatening you now with all manner of terrible consequences if you had the audacity to step through that door and away from me? But I have not and I do not, because you already know don’t you? That is why I chose you. But I shall not stand in your way. If it really is awful being with someone who only ever has your best interests at heart and who loves you perfectly, albeit sometimes clumsily and erratically, then leave me. Just leave.

I know you won’t though. I know.

36 thoughts on “Just Leave Him

  1. Broken says:

    Thanks … my eyes are now wide open! Lot of reading to do and to get my life back on track. Got answers in one of the books today! No one will understand if not have been through this themselves and the key to relief is to stop talking about them and focus on us. I will be back as the person I once were .. and you will too ❤

  2. Amber says:

    It seems unfair, really, how much power true masters have. A total power exchange truly cannot be broken, i don’t think. Even when our bodies can escape, our minds don’t. We betray ourselves with no restraints at all.

  3. Broken says:

    OMG this was me!
    All my friends and family thought I was crazy to leave my own house for a temporary housing with his kids that I only meet once. I was such a fool. Then all the lies and ex wife’s piled up. Massive family issues and financial problems.
    They all told me to leave.. i finally did but I died emotionally in the process. He shut down from one day to another. Did not see him for a year, refused to talk. I should have stayed and not fleed .. perhaps he would have talked with me? A small Hoover to get me back two weeks after I left. A photo of his kids in a text
    And apologized for being an idiot! I refused and the communication stopped. They all were happy I left but nobody understand the aftermath… I should snap out of it .. be happy!! How can I when I gave him everything and I’m totally broken down?
    So HG they all stand by us and advice us to leave but are not there to pick up the pieces when you harm us. We are such a target.
    I hope he will not hoover now because I need to be over him first. And yet I long for the hoover. Damn your kind!!!

    1. Ms brown says:

      @Broken, one of the most difficult aspects IS when all “advise” and then are gone to pick up our shattered pieces. That is/was so devastating,yes? This is why some of us stay so long, imo… its a catch 22 situation for some of us… I hope you hang on, to YOU ☪

      1. Amber says:

        This is exactly right. They have advice for us, but like Mr. Tudor said, they’re not the ones that are there to drive the demons away when they come in the middle of the night. Now, whether these dark masters bring their own demons, i can’t say lol. But i know with mine, he literally saved my life more than once. No one else i knew did this for me. Did he also tell me what social media platforms he would prefer i use, and who he would prefer my friends to be? Yes. But that’s a small price to pay when someone has saved your life repeatedly. 😉 or… was the stress of being with him that almost killed me in the first place? It’s a crazy cycle trying to solve it.

        1. Ms brown says:

          Amber, It is a cycle, and the stress will kill you. It keeps you sick and addicted. Difficult to verbalize unless you’ve experienced (any of this)… I am on the fence as to if it ever gets solved, but awareness allows one to make better and educated decisions from here on in….

  4. Ms brown says:

    this post brings to mind Three Days Grace and “I Hate Everything About You”….. https://youtu.be/d8ekz_CSBVg?t=7s

  5. Mr HG sir i know that dr sam v has a wife n’ shes aware of what he is. question is would u ever think of finding a wife that knew who you are? and what are your thoughts on cold therapy to heal narcissism as sam v is planning to do himself/

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is an idea which has been forming in my mind as of late.

  6. Victoria says:

    H.G. I just realized after reading this article, that they know we won’t leave thus there must be a deficiency in us empaths-something wrong with us. When I tell my normal friends what I now know, they are always amazed at why I tolerated such abuse; I cannot answer because I don’t really know. Are we really that needy, desperate, lonely, insecure, and weak that we can’t walk away? Is this weakness so visible to our narcs? Are they seeing in us the creature they so vehemently try to keep behind the facade? Please be brutally honest. .
    Thank you:)

  7. Victoria says:

    Wow, what an article H.G.!
    I lost so many friends who just got tired of my sad expressions and complaints, and returning over and over again after discards. I rarely waited for a hoover, I would always get in touch with him first-the drug was so powerful that I could not wait for a hoover-of course, this was before H.G., his books, blogs, pvt consultations, and the knowledge he i giving us daily. Thank you H.G. it has been 2 months and 25 days of No Contact. I have never gone that long in 11 years and it’s all because of you, this blog, and your insightful books.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you Victoria.

  8. 1jaded1 says:

    You know? Maybe in your case. In mine he had no clue.

  9. 1jaded1 says:

    I did leave him. He comes back…aka hoovers. I remember my cousins whispering in my ear to go. At the time, i couldn’t or didn’t. Take your pick.

  10. HG is the movie 9 1/2 weeks about a narcissistic relationship?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I don’t know, I have never watched it.

    2. shootingstar says:

      Yes, definitely!

  11. Leilani says:

    Hi HG, I just got back. It was horrible. I will email you this weekend. How can one just leave him?

    1. Love says:

      Leilani! Hi! Long time no see!

  12. Nicnocturnal says:

    Hello. Newbie here. Long story short – I escaped after 3 years, got suckered in again then was finally discarded two months ago. Of course. He had to have the ultimate finality. I never knew the truth, but I do now.

    So many of my oldest friends warned me or told me afterwards about their uneasiness or outright dislike of him. I’ve tried to investigate the world he inhabits with no qualifiable success up until now. The other sites offer plenty of well-intentioned psychologist-based analysis, but it’s been incredibly insightful to read it straight from the horses mouth so to speak.

    I’m due to return back to our old home tomorrow to collect my furniture (with removal men thankfully). I refuse to give him the satisfaction of stealing all the possessions that I’ve purchased over the years. It equates to 90% of the furniture in the house. He can have his last fueling session then I will block and evade him by every means necessary. I am so thankful I’ve found this blog. I now have a genuine understanding of what lies ahead and can therefore prepare myself accordingly. Sincerely, thank you HG. I appreciate your honesty.

  13. My friends got SO sick of my crying and then bliss. They finally avoided my calls. They have no understanding of why it takes so long to get over a narc. I don’t blame them. I got to where my psycho behavior made me sick too. I have no doubt I’ve lost my patience with my friends too. But now we have HG to bitch to❤We can even pay him to listen to us bitch! He gets it! Thank the Lord and Amen!!!

  14. Susan says:

    Excellent! So very true and so amazing how narcissists take a situation and only view it from THEIR perspective about themselves and how THEY are affected!
    Everying is “what about me?”

  15. Ms brown says:

    I stayed, I didn’t leave. I was loyal. I lost everything, I have nothing, and those “friends”, all disappeared when I lost him too…

    1. AH OH says:

      I am sorry Ms Brown. I did not like reading this. But never forget, material things can always be replaced.
      You also have the most important possession and that is yourself. NEVER FORGET THIS. Pick yourself up and tend to your wounds and take your time doing so but keep moving forward.
      Everyone has their own timetable to heal. But make sure you do heal.
      You will be fine, I promise.

      1. Ms brown says:

        thank you, Ah Oh…. Yes, I will be fine. I WILL survive. After all, survival of the fittest, right? WE are superior, and the fittest, despite what “they/their kind” believe… yes?

        1. AH OH says:

          Yes we are.

          I am not a target for Narcs. If they do grab me they let go very quickly.

          When I was a child I was afraid of the dark and my mom would say that if someone took me they would let me go very quickly because they would not be able to deal with me. Hmmmm

          1. Ms brown says:

            good for you, Ah Oh! I, on the other hand, have faced devastation in all three of my marriages.(total 36 yrs of my life) I attract narcs, and I am attracted to them. However, since coming to this site of HG’s, I am at least aware now. I always thought it was me and lived with so much guilt and self hatred (still do) and don’t even get me started about childhood and “Taught Love”. There, I have revealed more about myself than I had cared to. Thx for “listening”… ☪

          2. AH OH says:

            Ms B
            Now you have all of us to help you stand tall. This can be a great support group. HG is doing more good than bad here.
            If it is too heavy for you to carry, just let one of us help.

    2. sea Shell says:

      My heart breaks for you, Ms Brown. But take the time you need to heal and be kind to yourself. You don’t have “nothing”, you have yourself. He has nothing because he is an empty facade with an insatiable need for what you have naturally – your deep, strong empathic self that you have been giving to him for far too long. It is now time for you to draw on your own deep wells of comfort and strength without him there making you feel forever drained. It’s not easy but you will heal and you can do it. Just be there for yourself as you have been for others. Remember that we all understand and above all and again… be kind to yourself.

    3. Shelly says:

      Tell them your truth, all of it.

    4. Twilight/Dawn says:

      Ms. Brown
      We all heal at our on time frame, don’t rush enjoy this time in rediscovering yourself.
      To lose everything is hard, I am not talking the materialistic stuff, the friendships, support networks that is what is hard, when you come to the end you will have found an inner strength and beauty you never knew you possessed, and that no one can ever take from you.

    5. Victoria says:

      Ms. Brown,
      I can sympathize 100% with what you are saying-their hold on us is that powerful. I lost so many wonderful friends and family but only for awhile. If they were true friends they will come back now that the narc. is out of your life. They could not stand to see you hurt and had to leave because it was too painful to watch. The drug they give is that powerful-we are blind to anything and everyone’s advice. What has helped me these last 2 1/2 months is reading H.G.’s books-I have now read 16-they all have a different message and insight. Reading his blogs daily and having 2 pvt consultations with him. It has kept me in No Contact for 2 1/2 months, which I thought could never be achieved before now. Everyday will get better. . . Reach out to your friends, let them know what you have learned and they will understand. Hang in there it will get better.

  16. Khaleesi says:

    You were right…until you were wrong. You didn’t even notice the change. I’m out of your life. You just won’t let go because you still think you’re right. You’ve always been right before. Before I realized what you are. Before I understood that my friends were right. Before I found this blog. Before the lie was revealed in it’s entirety.

  17. Lake15 says:

    O.M.G. This is ME. Down to every word you spoke H.G. I’m like a drug addict and then I snap out of it and look at the bigger picture and keep going. Almost five years now. I will beat this. I will beat him. I know who I am and what I can offer. I now know he cant offer me anything but a broken heart over and over. Now diagnosed with C-PTSD, every time I question him, he says “did you take your head pills today?”

    1. Betty Gosney says:

      This is so my life as well we need to walk away now before its to late its so disturbing how this is possible of a person and there is so many of them

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