Me, You and Her
One is never enough for us. Two or more are required. When we commence our seduction of you and launch those missiles towards you bearing love, passion and desire, we repeatedly tell you that you are the one. You are the only one that we want. All of our life we have waited for this moment to be with the one, you. This singularity of number meets singularity of purpose. One is all that we want. We tell you this, we text you this and we do some repeatedly in order to put you on that pedestal. The world may as well just be populated by you and me. Nobody else matters. All that we want is you and you alone. The effect of such words makes you feel extremely special, revered and worshipped and it feels wonderful doesn’t it? Being the sole recipient of our attention, such wonderful, dedicated and loving attention is uplifting, joyful and magnificent.
Recently a commenter posted a quote from Robert A Heinlein which revolved around kissing. Essentially, this quote referred to the fact that when most people kiss they are not putting their all into it, they have other things on their mind, they might be worrying about work, they know they have to put the rubbish out, they are wondering what is for dinner and as a consequence that person’s kiss is nowhere near as it should be because that person has distractions. The person they are kissing does not have their total attention. There is considerable merit in such a proposition. What we manage to do however is make you think that nobody else matters, that you are the only person we are kissing, have ever kissed and will ever kiss. We make you the centre of our universe and you believe it. Yet the reality is that whilst we exhibit this singularity of attention on you, we have so many other people in mind. Understand that when you are with one of our kind there is never, there is never a time when it is just you and me. There is always you, me and her or him or them. Your dynamic with us is not exclusive. It never is. It is not your sole preserve. You are shared throughout the entirety of your relationship with us, from the beginning until, well forever. I do not necessarily mean that we are engaged in s sexual relationship with someone else when we are with you but the fact is that when you think it is just you and I, there is far more going on that you will realise.
At the outset when I am seducing you, I make you feel like the only girl in the world, however there will be at least two other dynamics ongoing. The first is that I will be embarking on a cruel campaign against your predecessor. I will be considering how next to provoke them and punish them so I am able to draw negative fuel from them. I will undoubtedly tell you about them as I explain how horrible and abusive that person was to me. What you are less likely to know is that I am sending them abusive messages, stalking them and organising various methods of manipulation to keep punishing them.
The second dynamic at the outset is the fact that I may also be working on another prospect as well as you. In the extremely unlikely event that you ever had access to my mobile ‘phone and you looked in the messages you would see something like this.
“Message to You 19:48 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
“Message to Her 19:50 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
There may even be,
“Message to Her 2 19:52 – I cannot stop thinking about you. What have you done to me? I love it though. I cannot wait to see you tomorrow even though it is too long to wait for my aching heart.”
Notoriously greedy for fuel and wary of the effects of not having a supply of the same, we will ensure that we have other targeted prospects in hand. You may become the chosen one as my primary source of fuel but the others will not necessarily be discarded. They will be retained as “friends” who rank as high producing secondary appliances, continuing to supply me with fuel. You think you have me to yourself. Of course that is the impression that I will create but you are sharing me with the others who will be kept ready to replace you should you start to fail in your production of fuel.
During the golden period it may seem that there is just you and me but I will be keeping other prospects warm and extracting negative fuel from one or more predecessors in the meanwhile. Then, without warning you find yourself being devalued. You have your suspicions that we are playing away. Indeed, we are as we use these secondary sources that we have kept “warm”. There will be others as we find additional people to draw into our network as we play them off against you. You will find you will be compared to these people, to friends and family and always found to be wanting as we press the devaluation against you. After this horrendous time, we will cast you to one side with a callous discard and somebody else has replaced you. How did that happen so quickly? How were we able to move with unseemly haste and find someone else who we now declare our love for? Easily. They were waiting in the wings all along.
Now discarded you will find you are still involved in the dynamic as we play you against your replacement. We will keep trying to draw negative fuel from you and then suddenly hoover you back and make you the apple of our eye again, as your short-lived replacement is cast aside. A period of vacillation may follow as we lift you up and crash you down. You are sat on one end of a see saw, as you go up, she goes down and vice versa. We stand in the centre, straddling this see saw and gobbling up all the fuel that is pouring from you both.
As our primary source you will always find that there is somebody else involved in the dynamic of our relationship. It does not end there though with the person who is our primary source of fuel. This addition of an extra player in the game happens throughout all our fuel gathering activities. We set family member against family member, our brothers against our sisters, or one parent against another. We treat one child as golden and the other as a pariah as we have them compete for our blessing and affection. We pit one colleague against another as they vie for that promotion which lies in our gift. We have friend fighting against friend in order to spend time with us at the expense of the other. We enter the online realm and have people backbiting, clashing and competing all through a few keystrokes on the keyboard. We can never be satisfied with it being just you and me, we always have to involve others and that involvement cannot be harmonious. There must be competition in order for the fuel to flow. Never think that we are dedicated to just you, our need for fuel does not allow it. There is always someone else despite what we may tell you. If you were ever able to ascertain the full extent of our machinations, schemes and plans you would see so many lines radiating away from us, connecting us to you, to her and to many others, with lines running between the unknowing and knowing until it looks like an extremely complex organogram on the wall of an incident room in a police station.
It can never just be you and me. There always has to be another.
28 thoughts on “Me, You and Her”
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it makes me ill to think that I fell for this… sequestered in a room for seven months with no one to hold on to. To put up with it for so long.. Its been almost eight months and I still pain.. I still have anxiety over going down town because of this. Will it ever end??
Jessica
It ends when YOU decide to stop the madness and move forward. If you are waiting for someone else to make those decisions it never ends. Waiting on others to fulfill you is what gets people into this mess in the first place. Wallowing has never solved anything. You know what you will see downtown? Other people moving about that are masking their own pain but moving forward silently until it dissipates. Everyone carries something. Go downtown and move forward with them. You are far from alone unless you choose to be.
Narc posted once he needs three girlfriends. Two for him and a third pretty one to keep the boys busy. Any ideas what he meant in that dynamic? Really does show he wouldn’t care about any of them.
He posted this along with how he didn’t do anything wrong and thats why he needs more girlfriends. I think he was talking about me as he had really effed me over.
SaraBella You know there is a very good chance he was exaggerating, as Narcs so like to do that. If he really had other girlfriends he wouldnt keep needing to rub your face in it.
My ex used to tell me all the time how desired he was at work, but I found out for a fact that most of them were far too savvy to go for him. Just because we are blinded for a while doesn’t mean the rest of the world is.
I can’t tell with this one. I heard from someone who witnessed his life in a day to day basis that “he has many” and many who know him chimed in and teased him about how he always has lots of girlfriends as always. But oddly, even teen girlfriends he pretended were not girlfriends. Like having a girlfriend even one he had as a teen would tie him down even now.
But, I guess I need to rephrase ‘girlfriend’. He has many people at various stages of supply. That is really not the same as girlfriend I guess. And since I have seen him online, he never once posted a relationship he is in. No IPPS I guess at all. Only posted pictures of girlfriends from other countries who are ok with him not having money and don’t know his reputation. But for those who know him where he lives, no IPPS just supply people I think who he uses and who use him.
But the part about keeping the boys busy confuses me. I am unclear of the dynamic there in play. Why want girlfriends to keep the boys busy? What does it even mean? Busy from bothering him somehow? wierd
Are you bored with life, HG? It seems that you are, considering that you need constant drama/contrast and variety!
I understand your point Matilda, but I am not bored with life, much to do!
Thanks for the lesson Thanks for the fuck…. You have never loved me.. ________________________________
HG, when you said above, “the Mid-Ranger, for example, really does believe he loves someone but he does not know how to love someone – he does so in a different way,” does this mean he thinks he loves the person when in reality, he loves the person’s fuel? I also noticed that my mid-ranger (I was IPSS) would tell me confidently and without reservation that he loved me when I asked but yet it seemed like he did not know that loving someone means certain behaviors consistent with that proclamation of love (e.g., keeping in touch regularly, not future faking, etc.). Is this what you mean by “he does so in a different way”? Thank you!
HG,
Need your expert opinion.
I was supposed to go out of town to visit my friend, however we got into an argument (his fault) hence I decided not to go.
I had made a customized gift for him, and because I had no use for it, I still mailed it to him. He never said thank you (which I was okay with) until two months after which he sent and email saying “thank you” and telling me he’s been dating “on and off” for the last two months and he finally found someone he’s going exclusive with going forward.
After that email, I’ve felt the happiest I’ve ever been in the last 6 years. My girlfriends tell me I should reply to the email telling him how happy I am for him, but I’m really not feeling it.
I believe he’s found someone (a really long time ago) but don’t understand why he had to mention it in the email, why didn’t he just say “thank you” for the gift and leave it at that?
From your perspective and understanding, is he trying to hurt me and trying to get a reaction from me?
I feel so liberated and I’m enjoying the “no contact”, but in the mean time, I would love to send him an email saying, “please thank her for getting me off the roller coaster and tell her to enjoy the ride”.
Thoughts? Send it or keep the no contact. Which will hurt him most?
I always wondered why I felt like I was in a relationship with him, his daughter (17) his ex wife and some so called long time married friend… I’m just thankfull it was less than 6 mos and I gave him no fuel because I was suspicious all along so the devaluation was suttle, I thought he just had no self esteem lol and I refused to cohabitate thank God…. I did find it upsetting that he treated his sons like gold but his daughter like his slave… sad people I’m kimfa glad their miserable though 😂😂😂😂
Good read! HG, my mid-range narc discarded me for a lesser narc and told me not to contact him anymore because she will be checking his phone records and he wants to have a clean slate with her(she was my friend), do you think he’s sincere about only seeing her(although he’s married)??
Hello Carroll, he is sincere in his mind if this person is an IPPS in the golden period, but it will not last.
Could you maybe solve that paradoxon, why you say on the one hand that absolutely everything was fake and constructed from the beginning with the aim of tearing it down later, but to bind – and on the other hand that it’s genuine and “all well”?
It is the lack of insight which causes the narcissist to believe their intentions are genuine even though they are actually not. Thus, the Mid-Ranger, for example, really does believe he loves someone but he does not know how to love someone – he does so in a different way.
Carroll,
I doubt very much she will be the only one he is seeing. May be to start with but he will start to look elsewhere after a while.
As for sincere, when I said to him that if he loved the new woman, and she loved him, he should ask her to leave her husband, his reply – ‘you can’t tell someone what to do’. So essentially I doubt he wants to be with her long term.
HG, It makes sense. The narc did some awful things to me by notmal standards. But in his hear, they all worked. He really thought he was doing something genuine but god it was not at all. And he never seemed to get how profoundly he wronged me. But in his head, by narc reality, in the moment, he thought it all worked and was under control. It was devastating.
Ha. Reminds me of my first boyfriend who I would say was an Upper Lower or Lower Mid. He announced that he was sleeping with two other women while he was having sex with me. Class act, this one.
Yeah ‘mine’ was like I am messing with about 12 females, from age 18-50. 18 was just a cover as he goes younger. So I really learned to taunt him. He needs money for a project and I said, yeah, I would have wanted to support you for this project, But I wasn’t enough, good enough, so why don’t you go ask A, b, c, d, e, f and g to have your back, they are better than me after all. Can’t imagine why that sent him into a fury mode and he then blocked me. Cause most of those are seconday and tertiary supply. I was his secret pseudo virtual primary supply.
Why don’t they like having it held up to them? He brags and boasts and plays people, but if you say go play with your other toys, they go crazy. Losers. Cake eaters. Spoiled, greedy brats. I dunno.
Baby only likes it his way and we need to go along with it.
So he thought. The hurt was profound, but I want nothing to do with that sick reality. He was welcome to go find other heads and hearts to tweak with his games and lies.
I know drives insane! They don’t ever wanna be confronted with the insane behavior, God forbid you expose them!
Sarabella
I thought you were no contact with him when you heard elswhere that his project was doomed. Did you break it and contact him or did he hoover?
I am not in contact but I was testing out my manipulation abilities, consciously, and set him up last summer when we were talking randomly. I said I had all these skills I wish I could have helped his project. He said, “Why don’t you help me?” Sounded like he really needed it. And since I had learned to identity being dismissive from him, I sai, “Why should I? You couldn’t even buy me a drink or take me somewhere nice?” Resulted in him saying “There is no hope for you.” lol I know his overall economic situation and what he is facing so I lnow he needs help. He even said when he was oberwhelmed a year ago, “You of all people k ow what my challenges are.” Both times I threw it back that I wasn’t good enough for boasting about on social media so he should ask those women. I was pretty much his secret. So i kept throwing it back. Each time he fled or blocked me. so, like ya know, whatever.
Sarabella
But you know those discussions were providing fuel right? I sense the anger and resentment in your saying you were not good enough and to ask the others for help so Im sure he enjoyed hearing that. Was that your intention and part of an ongoing plan or process you have in place? Im not trying to be mean Sarabella, its just that sometimes its easier to see when your not in the situation. Only you know how it was delivered. If it was with absolutely no emotion maybe….
Sarabella
😂😂😂😂😂😂
They do get in a rage when we suggest them to “to go and toy with with their other toys” ..
NarcAngel… I hear you. But it was delivered with full intent to wound him. And it did. He raged off and blocked me. See, I was mocking him and he knew it. But yes, if I could explain publicly what he did, it would make more sense. I was very angry. He devalued me and abandoneded me for all that great supply. And guess what? It was all pretend. Half of them were secondary and tertiary supply. Since he didnt want me, it was my hurt way of saying then go chase all those others who will NEVER be more to him. Yes, very resentful I guess for what he did. As hG said here though, in HIS head, he was being genuine with some things but only if you live in that reality. He raged of and there is no contact.
Maria, why the rage? So bizarre. They boast about, then rage about it if you bring it up. Its crazy.