6 Phases of Fuelling

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Fuel is our lifeblood. Whether it is positive fuel from admiration, delight and love or negative fuel from hatred, anger or upset, we want fuel. There are many, many different ways in which we will manipulate you, many different machinations, some wonderful and others terrible, that we will use against you to extract fuel from you. These different methods appear during the six phases of fuelling.

  1. Seduction

A period when everything is rosy in the garden. We are the most wonderful person you could every meet. Kind, considerate, amusing and entertaining. We are generous with time or money, sometimes both. We are impressive in terms of our achievements, our abilities, the people that we know, the places that we have been and we just happen to like all the things that you like as well as we engage in our tried and trusted practice of mirroring. If we have chosen you to be our intimate partner we will gushing with love as we sweep you off your feet with borrowed love quotes, gifts and sensational love-making. It is irresistible and you will succumb to this intense love-bombing whether we want you as our partner in love, friend, trusted colleague or reliable family member. Our seduction is powerful, effective and is aimed at getting you hooked on us as we begin to drink from your positive fuel that you will provide to us during the golden period.

  1. Devaluation

In this second phase we have found your positive fuel has lost its potency. You are no longer providing us with the earnest and amazing admiration that we require and this is entirely your fault. The consequence of this is that we must continue to draw fuel in order to sustain our existence and now we must do this by extracting a contrasting fuel, negative fuel. This is derived by treating you badly, meting out silent treatments, shouting at you, provoking you and unleashing the whole malevolent content of our Devil’s Toolkit against you. We want you to shout insults at us in anger, we want you to plead with us to stop our torment of you, we want to see you sob in desperation at our continued abuse of you. Tears, frustration, anger and hatred are all delicious emotions which will fuel us and they provide such a magnificent and stark contrast to all of the positive fuel that you once gaze that the effect for us is considerably edifying and invigorating.

  1. Respite

 

We do not want to keep the devaluation in place all of the time otherwise you will break too soon and deprive us of our primary source of fuel. Accordingly, the third phase is one where we allow you some respite from the devaluation. We reinstate the golden period and you provide us with relief tinged positive fuel. This is of an excellent quality as it is heightened by your relief and joy at returning to the golden period. It also allows us to convince you that the golden period can be resurrected to you will not leave us and instead keep trying to recover it. We will alternate between devaluing you and offering you respite, back and forth between these two states in order to confuse you and keep you in situ. The contrast between treating you well and treating you badly also provides us with a greater degree of fuel as your emotions are pushed and pulled by us. This phase may last for years as we move you back and forth, one week everything is wonderful and then you are plunged into a fortnight of awful treatment with you completely bewildered as to why this is happening.

  1. Preventative

You may be pushed to a point of no return. You may have received some outside help from a friend or a professional who understands what is actually happening to you or it may be that you do not know what is happening but you know that you cannot allow it to continue any longer. In such a situation when you warn us that you are thinking of leaving us or that you intend to end our relationship we will instigate the preventative phase. This is designed to stop you from going. We will provide a massive dose of the golden period but we will also ally it with promises to mend our ways, seek help and change. None of it is meaningful but it is a desperate measure to prevent you from leaving us. We decide when we no longer want you, you are not superior to us and therefore you are not allowed, in our minds, to make this decision. By applying these preventative moves, which might be seeking pity, forgiveness, understanding and sympathy, we aim to stop your departure and then drink deep of the fuel that you will provide as you soothe away our concern, responding favourably to our stated intention to better ourselves. Your delight at hearing us say these things provides us with further fuel.

  1. Benign Return

Whether you escaped us or we cast you to one side through one of our callous discards we will also seek fuel through the benign return. Similar to the preventative stage but this takes place after there has been a cessation in our relationship. You try to stay away from us or you have been trying to get back with us but we have kept you at arms’ length for some time until we decide that we want your positive fuel once again and we approach you taking you back. We may seek forgiveness, express we made mistakes, that we were not thinking clearly and so on, all done in order to con you into resurrecting the relationship. If we ended it, you will return with joyful open arms. If you ended it, you will return delighted you have got us to agree to making changes. Of course nothing changes. It is all about the fuel and as you respond in a favourable manner, admiring us again, expressing your love and gratitude, portraying relief we will take all this fuel.

  1. Malign Return

 

This also takes place post cessation of the relationship. You may have ended it and resisted out attempts to hoover you back in. We may have ended it and you want to return to the fold but we will not let you as we have a replacement. In either instance we will not forgo the opportunity to extract additional fuel from you by continuing to administer terrible and hurtful manipulations against you. We may no longer be in a relationship but this will not stop us from lashing out, lying about you, invoking the assistance of others as we smear your name and doing everything we can on a repeated basis to cause you to become angry and upset and thus provide us with fuel. You may not have heard from us for some time but there will be some trigger, some opportunity and whilst we may not want you back or we may be unable to cause you to come back, we will still look to provoke and emotional reaction from you and obtain fuel. It is always about the fuel.

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67 thoughts on “6 Phases of Fuelling”

  1. I was a DLS. We solely communicated via email. From day one he made excuses why he couldn’t message me. Lack of privacy, no signal, lack of time, etc. After a while the messages became somewhat more frequent. Very often he would not contact me although he was alone and would have had the time. Why?

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    1. Mine did the same, for him it was about control, always about control and intermittent conditioning, to keep up hooked.

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  2. HG….no wonder you keep up the writing; there seems to be no end to the gullible twits on this blog who fuel you. Many have gone through this before (like me), yet they praise you and keep your fires going.

    These women seem to forget….you and your kind are predators.
    It’s actually kind of humorous.

    This blog is a good source of information but you’ll forgive me for not stoking the fire.

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    1. FA, you just stoked the fire by posting 😂😂 You don’t get it. Even negative fuel is fuel so I guess you’re a gullible twit! Nothing like a good laugh first thing Tuesday morning😂😂😂

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    2. Many people who post here still don’t understand what they are dealing with. I imagine HG cringing with every praise given to him, and some degree of contempt. If not, at the very least there is no reciprocation of any kind between the thank you and the you’re welcome as there is between empaths, or even normals.
      But, I also think HG doesn’t realize he’s digging his own grave here by leaking the narc manuals on public view. The pool of gullible empaths is shrinking with every article, and each and every video.
      I don’t think he realizes that none of the empathic readers are prey material for him..

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      1. You unfortunately make a lot of incorrect assumptions, although, as ever, you are entitled to your opinion.

        1. I am polite and well-mannered. It is important to be that.
        2. I do not cringe at praise I am entitled to it.
        3. The pool of empaths may be shrinking but there remain hundreds of millions, there has not even been ground breaking on my grave.
        4. Anybody is my prey when you are as effective as I am. It is my choice.
        5. It is rather the case that the empathic readers are not my prey because there is and can be no need for that to be the case. I know that disappoints you.

        As you were.

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      2. It doesn’t disappoint me, it would trigger me more than it already does. You trigger me when you employ your narcissist tactics. This is why.
        However, ‘readers are not my prey’, said no predator ever.. tsk .. and then you contradict yourself with ‘anybody is my prey’. See?

        My point here is that most of your readers despite reading your material do not understand you. We mistake you for one of us because you act empathic, polite, and respectful, so we thank you, but you do not feel gratitude, and the only reason you say ‘you are welcome’ is because you know it is important to say that to create the appearance of being well mannered.
        Next, the praise coming from our kind, it’s source is in our inherent empathy, because we know you will feel good, and we want to reciprocate in some way for your hard work on your blog, which we appreciate. If you weren’t a narcissist, this praise would feel cringeworthy to a normal person, because it’s over the top, and it comes off as condescending, especially from people who still do not get it..

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      3. I don’t think Mr. Tudor is one of us at ALL. No offense, Mr. T, but I think you can be short and grouchy at times. Well most often. The thank yous are empty. I appreciate your impeccable manners but I’m not left with the warm fuzzies thinking you actually care. I do like to tease you, because nothing seems to move you. Again, you remind me of the Queen’s Gaurds. Very cold and aloof. Occasionally you gift us with your sense of humor. I enjoy that. All the narcs in my life have been charming and charismatic. Being remote tertiaries, I would expect you to be ON all the time for us. But you’ve dialed it down to mute.

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      4. Why would I be ‘on’ all the time? That doesn’t make sense.

        As for being short, it is obvious why that has to be the case and of course brevity is the soul of wit.

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      5. You’ve stated that tertiaries always experience the golden period. So naturally I would expect you to be always ON for us (I.e charming, engaging, etc).

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      6. No I didn’t write that, I wrote

        “A golden period for the STS or FTS (these are both tertiary sources) will be brought to an abrupt end if they criticise us in some way and wound us or we see that drawing a reaction from them by way provocation and the provision of negative fuel would serve our purposes in another way, for instance in terms of triangulating them with someone who is a higher ranked source who we wish to impress or appear authoritative in front of.” From the article Golden Period.

        Detention for you. Pay attention!

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      7. Emotion detective
        Mmmmmmmmm.. i am thinking…
        actually with all this informations we might start idolizing narcissists.. especially in a society like the one we live….
        that would be ironic.. but a very clever narcissistic move..
        😂😂😂😂

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  3. #6 Maligned Return
    After 5 weeks NC he started making comments about me on a blog. Is this a hoover? I emailed him and told him to stop. He usually ignores me, but replied with his same old rhetoric about never contacting him again, then blocked me from his email, which he has never done before.

    He did it again last night and made a nasty remark about me, basically stating, that I was nothing to him. I emailed him from another account. I told him he was the one going after me, not letting me go. He replied back with this…

    “”I have no fucking clue what you are talking about.
    I have said nothing about you on the blog, positive or negative, and frankly don’t even give you a passing thought. Other people may reference you, but that is nothing I can do anything about. Go away and get on with your life, and perhaps don’t read other blogs because of your paranoia.
    DO NOT EMAIL ME AGAIN”

    I emailed him the exact comment he made, it is in black and white so he cannot deny it. Ofcourse he blocked that account too. He is a complete control freak, tries to control everything.

    Apparently he does give me a passing thought. I have learned his statements of denial are usually the opposite of what he means. Can you explain what this all means?

    I would greatly appreciate it.

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      1. HG, do I see some kind of moral sanity or is that just another illusion? Point 5, April 19., 2017 AT 8:48 AM

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  4. Hi HG, is the discard not a fuelling phase?

    Our begging, stupefaction at not understanding why you’re dumping us over nothing, it must feel like the fuel dam broke, no?

    In fact, I wonder if the discard isn’t the final goal. Watch us disintegrate. Mine was via text messages. Coward! I could tell how he was enjoying twisting the dagger in my heart with his word salad.

    My discard lasted a week (with 5 days of his beloved Silent Treatment of course, met by my silence as well. Like 99% of his ST. Never fell in that trap at least).

    So, discard is fuel free? Can’t be.

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    1. I see your point and the dis-engagement is fuel-free from our perspective based on us not engaging with you further.

      However, as you point out, if you keep contacting us, pleading etc then there is fuel to be gathered there.

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  5. HG, are you never afraid of a huge, malicious supernova of a Superempath? I know your answer: “No, because I am superior.”
    Oh, oh, oh, it is really a disorder.

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  6. HG, my ex texts me every wk or every other wk to make sure i’m doing fine. Yesterday, he brought up something abt the past i did not agree with (a type of blame shifting). So i got angry at him for thinking this way. He replied that he doesn’t need any negativity in his life, now that he’s almost out of his depression, and that he should have blocked me long time back. I couldn’t believe it! I cared for him and helped him so much to get him out of his one year of depression, praising him, giving him positive fuel etc. I felt so hurt that he cannot be there for me when i need to talk about his mistaken views about me. Why would he hurt me like this HG? For the past yr, he has been so kind, flexible, adjustable. Now all of a sudden he’s changing back to his arrogant ways. In a way, i liked him better when he was depressed. Pls tell me why he would do this HG? I’ve been crying all day.

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      1. No he doesn’t.
        He does not know what he is. He does not know what negative fuel is. He says he “needs no negativity” in his life right now for two reasons –
        1. To make your respond in a certain way so he gains fuel; and
        2. To control you.
        When he means negativity, he means he does not want you crying about the past, harking about what has gone on before, demanding for things to be as they were or to spend more time with him. This is about controlling you.
        You do not see it because you are clearly an honest and decent person. You see the good or try to see the good in people, which is a laudable trait in some respects but it also makes you highly susceptible to our kind. You actually have no real need to continue the engagement with this individual, but you do so. You do so by telling yourself that it is just friendship now and he is trying to be a better person, but all this does is cause you to buy in to remaining in contact with someone who is continuing to draw fuel from you and control you. Of course, this choice is yours, but is evident to me as an observer and knowing what I do about our kind, what is actually happening.

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      2. Thank you for your reply. But just to clarify, i did tell him he’s a narc, which he finally accepted about a month later. Also, i do not demand to spend more time with him since we broke up. I reply to his texts when he texts me, and i’m usually the one who ends the texting session.

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  7. HG
    when you wrote to emotion detective you said: … ” it is my choice “..
    wow! to me that means one thing:
    narcissists do have the freedom to choose… the have the choice to choose to either remain narcissist or not… fair enough the narcs traits will always be there… but they could choose to curve them for better..
    i do actually believe that now..
    if they didn’ t have absolute no choice to me could then mean a very frightful thing:
    they would then have to be sons and daughters of Satan … and be carrying his own unchangeable seed..
    🙁

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      1. Wow HG
        therefore you agree that a Narcissistic person can choose different ways, i mean: less narcissistic ? Maybe with a super good psycoalanist ☺
        Of course the ones that don’ t know its difficult.
        Thank you.

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  8. Maria, this is quite interesting. What makes you feel that emotion detective is a male person? Could you please explain it to me?

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  9. Maria, my last question : Could you… sounds a little bit strange. False expression. But I am really interested in your opinion.

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    1. Mona hi
      i don’ t know why i perceive ” her” as a male.
      From the very beginning i felt that.
      many times perceptions are not easy to describe.
      I hope you do not mind emotion detective.
      😀

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      1. Hallo Maria, thank you for your answer. No, it is not easy to describe the own perceptions. It is difficult for me too.

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  10. Emotion detective, yes, I agree to you, the praise of many of the readers is over the top. In my opinion it is not only to thank him for his information and to pet his wounded Ego , it seems to be very often some kind of feeling “inferior” to him. They praise him like a great leader. They seem to need it. They seem to need someone to lead their life. Maybe, I am wrong. Many of them are american and american people are known as very polite. Maybe, that is a cultural thing.
    On the other hand, HG, your “Thank you” and “You are welcome” is very polite- of course – and a kind mechanical, as if it is a learnt, mechanical response. It is memorized. It is very often not genuine. It seems as if you are drilled to say : “Thank you.”

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    1. I doubt many readers have any desire or need to pet my apparently wounded ego. Firstly, wounded by who? If someone thanks me for my work and information, that does not wound, therefore there is no need to pet me. Secondly, the praise is not over the top. Many people were confused, lost and going nowhere and then they have gained understanding and clarity from what are clearly troubling situations through my work. Their gratitude is genuine. Is someone expressing their thanks for my work because otherwise they would have killed themselves over the top or is it genuine?

      I am polite and well-mannered. Unless of course you give me reason not to be.

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      1. I do not think HG has a wounded ego.
        He is aware if what he is.
        Therefore to me he has a chance to choose.
        If he chooses to act on narcissistic behavioural traits.. he is choosing nevetherless..
        we all have positive and negative traits.. we chose all the time..
        we are all in it together.

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    2. I can only speak for me but the times I have praised HG have nothing to do with petting his ego and that has never entered my mind. I also don’t feel inferior to him. I feel different than him, sure, but not inferior. Need him to lead my life…up no not that either. Throughout my life and toxic relationships I have often thought that I wish I could read my partners mind so I could know what he really thinks of me. HG gives me a snapshot of that. To finally receive correct information about what you’ve been battling for a lifetime is like a drink of water in the desert. I don’t care what his “you’re welcomes” mean. I am grateful beyond belief and want to express that. The words you’ve written about people who express thankfulness to him are belittling and shaming and suggest you are superior in my opinion. Obviously you need something by reading here. Maybe we should say thank you for the information but I’m not thankful or grateful. Being thankful for help with getting out of hell is not cultural or segregated to Americans. It’s a genuine emotion that can actually be expressed without an ulterior motive.

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      1. Furthermore, all this talk of whether not praise makes him cringe or feel contempt is ridiculous. Who cares. Reading here is a symbiotic interaction. The reader is taking information. It has been said that some readers don’t understand what they’re dealing with. That’s why those readers are here to learn. Does being grateful mean the understanding readers have reached an enlightenment that lesser readers don’t have??? This may be incorrect but didn’t you start reading this blog because you were once uneducated about narcissists? Let’s remember where we’ve all come from and give a little grace instead of projecting contempt for the readers you deem uneducated. It comes across to new readers and those seeking understanding as arrogance. It’s mean.

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    3. Hello Mona!
      I hope you do not take this personally but: why instead of making assumptions of why HG or the bloggers participating on this blog write and comment , don’t you REALLY try to get the best of the valuable information this site is providing you with? I don’ t know if you have noticed but this site has expanded incredibly reaching many nationalities..That is to say that not just Americans thank HG…for the incredible work he is doing here!
      Just my opinion!

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      1. Hello superxena! You are not honest. You meant it personally and then please say it honestly. It is your opinion and that is ok.

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      2. Thank you for your answer.
        It is a little bit sad that you took it that way!
        I think that you have DEFLECTED completely the real message of my comment.
        1. I am COMPLETELY HONEST with what I wrote. That is to say: I meant honestly every single word I wrote. I just wished that you could in some way get rid of that hatred you have expressed you have towards the narcissist in your live and not projecting it towards the owner of this site. I know it is a process you have to go through(Believe me.. I have been there)so your hatred is understandable. But by trying to put your hatred aside…you could use the UNIQUE and valuable information here to your advantage in your process of ” healing” and protection from them.
        2. What I meant with :I wished you did not take it personally( by your answer you unfortunately did take it personally….finding your answer very PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE)
        was that you could take it as a CONSTRUCTIVE opinion instead of a negative CRITIQUE.
        Any way..I wish you can find your path towards inner peace and healing!

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      3. Mona..
        Thank you for your answer.
        It is a little bit sad that you took it that way!
        I think that you have DEFLECTED completely the real message of my comment.
        1. I am COMPLETELY HONEST with what I wrote. That is to say: I meant honestly every single word I wrote. I just wished that you could in some way get rid of that hatred you have expressed you have towards the narcissist in your live and not projecting it towards the owner of this site. I know it is a process you have to go through(Believe me.. I have been there)so your hatred is understandable. But by trying to put your hatred aside…you could use the UNIQUE and valuable information here to your advantage in your process of ” healing” and protection from them.
        2. What I meant with :I wished you did not take it personally( by your answer you unfortunately did take it personally….finding your answer very PASSIVE-AGRESSIVE)
        was that you could take it as a CONSTRUCTIVE opinion instead of a negative CRITIQUE.
        Any way..I wish you can find your path towards inner peace and healing!

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    4. I don’t know Mona ,I do see where you are going with this and can see your point:)I know for myself when I first started reading HGs blogs it was like a lightbulb went off. I had done such extensive reading on other sites and books but somehow the rawness off his writing just answered so many questions and confusion.When that happened, I was so relieved and so excited and finally felt free of whatever residual was leftover. Thanking him profusely was really all I felt I could do for the new found knowledge and power I felt inside, as I was so greatful.lol.. just my personal perspective anyways:)

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      1. Star, thank you for your honest opinion. I understand your point. I cannot feel this relief, it only makes me much more angry or hateful for this kind of persons. I do not know where to put this anger and hate and fury. I wish I could destroy the life of my personal devil I wish he would feel, what I felt. But there is no justice. I could take revenge, but there is my conscience, too many other people would suffer. And would that help me? No, it would not. So, that is my problem. I saw him a few weeks ago and I ignored him. He looked ridiculous, I do not feel anything for him. But there is no relief. I know it was not my fault, I know he has a disorder, I know how it works . And each day, when I read, how much fun H.G. Tudor has had to destroy people, the fury inside of me is ignited. No relief at all. I do not know how to deal with it. I understand, that you thank him, because it helped you. I understand that now a little bit more. Thank you, Star.

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  11. HG, your last sentence is inappropriate.
    I did not critisise your work or help. And I do not critise your good manners. Do not forget, you are the one who always tells us, how abusive you and your kind is.So it is genuine, that I look for manipulative tactics on this blog. I admit that I do not know how you could be well-mannered without a “Thank you” to people who tell you, how helpful you are.
    My main issue is, that I do not understand, why people trust you more than any other person, who tells them that their husband etc is abusive.
    Why do they trust you?
    I understand that your advice is really helpful, because you know your kind best- better than anybody else and you know best which reaction is appropriate. Maybe that is the reason.

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    1. No it wasn’t inappropriate, I was stating the truth. I am polite and well-mannered to people unless they give me cause no to be so, then I am not.

      You will not find manipulative tactics on this blog (not from me anyway) as I have repeatedly explained. I have no need to use them here and the 5 rules operate to prevent that happening.

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    2. You are right Mona. You are not openly criticizing HG, only passive aggressively. But you are openly criticizing his readers. “the praise of many of the readers is over the top. In my opinion it is not only to thank him for his information and to pet his wounded Ego , it seems to be very often some kind of feeling “inferior” to him. They praise him like a great leader. They seem to need it. They seem to need someone to lead their life.” While you aren’t directly speaking to me, this is a forum where people can jump in whenever they feel led to and I feel led to.

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      1. Hello 12345, no, I critised him first (when I started to read this blog) very aggressive and direct. Then it changed into passive-aggressive-behaviour, . That is the only behaviour, he does not ignore. Of course it was a criticism of him- in a hidden way. It was no criticism of his work and his help. I critised his god-like status and his entitlement. That is something different. And yes, it sounds awful, what I wrote about his readers. I forgot and – I am sorry for that-, in which devastating situation many of the readers yet are. And their behaviour only show how much a narcissist or a narcissistic family background influences the self-esteem of people and its devastating effects on them. And if you critise me in a respectful manner and you did, I am thankful for critics.

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  12. Hello 12345, thank you for your opinion. I do not feel superior in any way.That is your interpretation of my words. And yes, he informs about npd in a way which is easier to understand than the explanations of other people. They do not give enough examples. And they do not describe the manipulations understandable for someone who is used to that behaviour (me included) . All that he does in a very good way. And yes, it is a symbiotic relationship, although it is a relationship of a shark to his cleaner wrasse. I think that is the right description about HG and his readers (me included) . Your words helped me to find out, what it is (shark-cleaner wrasse) Both benefit from it, but in different ways.. That`s right.
    Please do not read more in my words than I said. I did not speak about anyone personally or have been aggressive to anyone on this blog besides HG. I am still of the opinion that some people are overly thankful and a little bit careless and I try to find out if that is one typical character trait of an empath. I really do not want to debase someone. If my words sounded to you like that, I apologise.

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  13. HG!
    You stated: ” A Greater may choose alternatives so long as there are alternatives that are effective.”
    Of course I will ask: which alternatives do you consider effective?

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  14. HG
    Effective to still camouflage narcissistic wishes???
    then it would still be choosing the same outcome..
    Or effective as an improvement to learn different behaviour/ patterns and wishes ??

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