The Games Are Always Being Played
I love playing games. As I have written before, the games are always being played. I only ever play to win otherwise there is no point. I cannot lose and sit back and smile and accept it was nevertheless an enjoyable experience because if I was to lose then it could not be enjoyable. I would be accepting that you or someone else is better than me. You are not. He is not. They are not. I always have to win. In order to achieve this I operate by a particular set of rules. You think you know what those rules are because when we first come together I deign to play by your rules; I agree to operate by the systems and conventions of your reality. That is easy for me to do because everything is going swimmingly. I am seducing you and therefore you are letting me win because it feels good. I am content to go along with the pretence of agreeing that these are the rules of engagement. You think you are winning because you are getting this wonderful, generous and loving person. In reality, I am winning because I am receiving plenty of positive fuel from you.
It is thereafter that the rules alter because I decide (and it is always my decision) that we will now abide by the rules in my reality. You are not given a rulebook and you have to guess what those rules are. As soon as you think that you have grasped them and got a handle on them, they will suddenly change. It is akin to playing a game of football and I am winning three nil. You score two more goals and you are in the ascendancy and likely to equalise. There would normally be fifteen minutes to go but suddenly I change the rules so there is just one minute left. You fail to score and I win. You protest stating that is not the correct time but it does not matter because here I am the referee, the assistants and the fourth official and what I say goes. If you do not like it, tough. I will just pick up the ball and go home with it. It is like a game of darts where you have to start from 501 and end with a double. I on the other hand start from 51 and do not need a double. You claim it is not fair but why should I care about it? I have to win. Thus, you may realise that I enjoy a lie-in on a Sunday morning so you do not disturb me. I will purposefully set the alarm early and get up waking you early. Or if I do have a lie in, I will concoct some mystery appointment that I have missed because you let me lie in. When you wake me early the following Sunday I will erupt at you for being so selfish and not letting me sleep.
When you think have ascertained what the rules are they will alter. You will do your best to try and keep up but it is exhausting and frustrating. Yet, this manipulation of the rules to allow our kind to win does not end there. Goodness me no. Our driven desire to always be the winner means that not only will we sucker you by pretending to play by your rules and then change them; we will then change the game. One moment you think you are playing Monopoly and then I am telling you it was Professor Plum in the Study with the Candlestick.
“But that is Cluedo,” you will declare rather puzzled.
“I know,” I will smile in return.
“But we are playing monopoly.
“No we are not.”
“Yes we are, look this board has streets from New York on it.”
“No it doesn’t, those are rooms in the stately home.”
“What are you talking about? See here and here, street names.”
“Are you blind? Those are snakes and ladders.”
“What? You’ve changed it again.”
“No I haven’t. You are just making a fuss because you are losing.”
“What are you on about? I am not losing, I was winning.”
“Not at all. Check mate.”
“What?”
Our phenomenal capabilities for lying, blame-shifting, denial and reflection all mean that the game will change. You are wrong footed, unsure of yourself, confused and we keep on doing it. We must win, always and you have to lose, at your cost. We will apply all our methods of manipulation to ensure we are victorious and you lie sprawled in the dirt, broken and defeated. Our success has to be at everything and I mean everything, from the trivial to the substantial, Defeat is never an option for our kind and we will bend, twist and snap the rules and alter the game in order to achieve this. Now, let’s play a game. It is my favourite. You may know it. It is called Guess Who? You have no chance.
22 thoughts on “The Games Are Always Being Played”
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Im pretty sure I would recognize this behaviour now. In fact I know I would.
So……………..game on!!
Nah, its Colonel Mustard on Vermont Ave!
Yes the games. So you say they are around forever until death. Once I confronted the x Narc. And his local family took my side, he has not tried to contact me. I sent a sympathy card when his sister died and he never acknowledged. So do you think it is finally over and done no more hoovering it contact from him. Although I still believe he stalks my public FB page which isn’t much that I post there
That denial business is absurd. I asked the narc singer a question I knew the answer was yes.
He said NO. I said it’s on video. He said that proves nothing since videotaping is not allowed. Yeah … Ok.
As an DLS I figured him out and confronted him but without providing much fuel. Due to this does the upper mid range become more cautious when searching for a replacement? And if yes what way?
It will make him cautious with regard to hoovering you and that caution is but one factor of many in the Hoover Execution Criteria.
Mine does this now. I call him out and he’s cautious, but he will not give up trying to hoover me. He has a new gf and baby (baby is 3 months old and my son with him is 13 months old) he won’t quit, lately its under the guise that he ‘wants a relationship with his son’. While I feel that any child’s development will be kinda screwed up if a normal parent is not in there life.. in this case, I want him to stay away.. he will only screw my son up emotionally. Its sad. Being a nice person and realizing the child development issues, I feel they should have some type of connection, otherwise my son will wonder, may think he is broken and have other issues if I keep the Psychopath sperm donor away from him, but I guess I still hope that I am wrong about him and he could have some type of value that I can’t see because my vision of him is skewed.. or screwed. He never signed the birth certificate or paternity stuff and is currently in prison for the last 10 months but I expect him to get out any day (and of course he just recently started trying to contact me, smh) he wants to keep any custody or support out of court (of course he does.. can’t be responsible can he??) I’m thinking I just cut him out of my sons life completely ..problem is the narcs mom (also narc) and his teenage sisters have become attached to my son. (they’re good babysitters, so there’s at least that). Any advice?
So you’re saying your ilk are in a permanent game of Calvinball.
LOL HG, explained to the T as always
Oh, this made me laugh! Opposite Day! All the time! Except when it isn’t!
1,000 times yep!!!
A barrage of mixed signals and mind fuckery all the time.
Pete and repeat were walking down a bridge, Pete went over and who was left? Repeat. Pete and repeat…..
B.I.N.G.O. and do your therapists read your blog?
They have done.
Do they ever comment?
Not here, no.
My last and final Narc told me in the beginning of our relationship that there were rules to being in a relationship with him. I thought he was being funny….
So I’ve been on Quora and have asked this question, but the answers leave me unsatisfied. I’m hoping you can provide satisfaction.
The narcissist with whom I was entangled had a degree in communications (not impressive, citing for background purposes), almost made it in the NBA, is fifty now, and left me like a puff of smoke to go back home, before which, he dropped a handful of various species of roaches(!).
We both had homes away from home, coincidentally being transports to the same town. We had a relationship in which he betrayed himself to be a classic narcissist. Unfortunately, I discovered this much after his dramatic discard.
After five years in our relationship, I’d decided to go back home. He never mentioned that he was thinking the same –in fact, said that he’d never go back.
One night, he invited me over, but I was tired and didn’t go. His car was down.
The next day, I ran into a friend-on-common who said he couldn’t believe our friend had left the city the night before; yes, the same night he’d invited me over. There were two days between the roach dump and his departure.
A diagnosed psychopath on Quora told me that this handiwork was most likely done by a narcissist, after I told the tia h story with no background information. Hence, the background for you.
So, HG what level of narcissist would you assign him? Is there a chance he was a psychopath, with narc comorbidity?
I remember those games although my ex was not as brilliant as you being an UMRN not a Grand Elite like you HG! What most comes to mind are the lies-everything was a lie. Like you’ve stated before HG, “as we breathe, they lie” So true!
Great article!
Reminds me of:
M: Oh look, this isn’t an argument!
(pause)
O: Yes it is!
M: No it isn’t!
(pause)
M: It’s just contradiction!
O: No it isn’t!
M: It IS!
O: It is NOT!
M: You just contradicted me!
O: No I didn’t!
M: You DID!
I LOVE that sketch!
No you do not!