A Stolen Love

a-stolen-love

Our victims have many things in common. Those shared traits are why they are chosen and why they become subjected to our incessant manipulations. The evidence of considerable empathic traits is of course one of the pre-requisites to gaining the attention of the narcissist. Exhibit a tendency to care, an ability to see another person’s point of view and a desire to help and you are issuing a neon-lit “Come and get me” to our kind. Your high-scoring on the empathic scale is naturally of considerable value to us. There is, however, another core principle that you all share which is irresistibly attractive to us. This is your devotion to love. You believe in love, you are advocates of the act of loving, you give love and (although not always) you want to be loved in return. Love is all you need, love conquers all and love is a many splendored thing. Love matters. You see that the world can and will be a better place if more love is exhibited. You love with a depth that is beyond many people. You truly give your all. Your love is perfect, selfless and based on a deep-seated notion that loving someone is the best and most wonderful thing one person can do for another. Such noble and laudable sentiments. Your status as a devotee to love means that you will strive to maintain that love once it has been gained. Love may give the appearance of having departed but you know, you believe, you always believe that it can be found and resurrected. That which has become dulled and blunted will be polished and returned to sharpness. That beautiful golden glow will shine again and you are the person to make it happen. You are the healer and the fixer. That which is broken shall be mended by the application of your burgeoning heart. You are a disciple of love and as such there is nothing you can do but act in accordance with the principles of loving. It is second nature to you. You are so full of love you must find ways of allowing it to manifest in the world and of course the pinnacle of doing so is to find that special someone. You want to find the one so that all of this marvellous love can find its true home. You are compelled to find your soul mate, your life partner and your best friend. Only then can your obligation to provide this amazing love be fulfilled and we thank you for being this way. On a daily basis we give thanks that you delicious and beautiful empathic individuals are committed to the promotion, promulgation and practice of love.

We come with the appearance of being that one special person who you can lay all your love upon. That person who will readily accept all of the love you have to offer and we will return it. Some of you would happily give this love in order to ensure there is an elated recipient and amazingly it would not matter to you whether that love was returned or not. Your sacrificial nature is stunning yet even more welcome. We are of course content to reflect your love in order to bring about yet more from you. We understand the transaction and we are happy to oblige because we are giving you absolutely nothing. We have come to take. We have descended on you ready to strip you of every ounce of love that you can provide. We will slurp it from you, nibble it from your straining frame and gulp it down as we devour your love. We will take it away from you time and time again. Do not be mistaken and think that you are providing this love based on a reality. You are doing so on a false premise. You have been conned into giving this love to us because we make you think we are the very thing you want when in reality we are anything but. We are fraudsters and we have come to take your love. If you knew what we truly were you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it. We want it so much and we always take it. We make you unknown martyrs to the provision of love. We come without warning even though we appear with an explosion, all of it aimed to distract and misdirect so that we may pilfer your love. Our thieving knows no limits or bounds as we take what does not belong to us and use it for our own warped purposes. We keep on stealing your love until you are left spent and wretched, sat amidst the ruins of the relationship which once seemed impregnable and infinite and now is little more than ash streaked across blunted stone. We gorge on your love, gluttons that feed at the banqueting table as you slowly realise that the sumptuous love we appeared to return to you is in fact empty, a puff of air and without any substance. Yet this realisation comes far too late for by then the damage is done. Not only have we helped ourselves to all of your love we have, invariably ripped away and stolen your capacity for further love. Once you finally extricate yourself from our grip and eventually make sense of what has happened to you, even though it may take some considerable time, how often have your kind uttered the sentence,

“I do not think I will ever love any again, how can I after that?”

Words similar to such a question are regularly uttered by those who have been sucked into our malevolent maelstrom. We are the love thieves. We come and take the love to which we are not entitled but we are not done with that. Oh no. We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.

0
Advertisements

19 thoughts on “A Stolen Love”

  1. You are correct about those core traits being imbedded in us. As I read along to your checklist of love devotee criteria, I kept saying, Yup, uh-huh, yes, oh that too… to all of them.
    I’m lucky that my relationship with my daughter allows for a very pure, honest expression of love as parent to child and I get to experience that daily. So yes it makes me hopeful that an adult, intimate love will happen again for me. Still a believer.

    0
  2. Something in me tells me your kind steals love because you want it too. For your own. All that missing love from childhood. Or am I just being empathic and naive in thinking this?

    0
    1. Indy, I think they steal love from us because they didn’t experience it, and when they see us experience love, it fills them with rage, envy and hatred. And the fuel they get, when they pirate our love, subdues the Creature, which is a powerful motivation for them.

      0
  3. This seems like a good place to ask this. Narc a few times, told me to ‘leave him alone’ and go away and take care of my family. I could hear the bitterness in him. When I said I wanted to take care of him as well, he blew up at me.

    So I have wondered lately, is this an effort to deny me what he knows I am, in line with this post? To frustrate me? To deny me the access to love him as a way to control me and withhold what makes me feel good, to love? He can’t find any primary supply in his life and only lots of secondary/tertiary. I am 100% virtual.

    Second and this is an urgent question if I can HG…. He has 3 Instagram accounts. One is personal, 2 business related. We got in a big fight on Instagram in February when I finally said enough to myself. I was done with it all. Sent him my last message 6 weeks ago. He did not “accept” it like he he has done at other times in this crazy cycle. Maybe he just swiped it away and set it to ignore. Or, one day, he is going to accept it. I know you can read messages and not accept or ignore them and the sender will never know you have read it. So I am not sure what he did… I am sure he read it, but not sure if he set it to ignore, or if its sitting there as an available message. Its has been 6 weeks. I thought he was playing that delay game where he was going to accept it after days, but so far, he hasn’t. But I paid my good byes and am committed to not ever speak to him. Yes, I look once in a while.

    But here is my really important question cause I need help in emotionally reacting to this. I was aware last week that he started a 4th Instagram business account (valid reasons he has separate accounts). I tried to click the name of it as I wondered about this new part of his business, but nothing came up. Just blank. I didn’t think much about it. But clicked it again this morning and it was blank. So I got curious and went on the web and saw the account and posts. Its an active account with 10 posts. I did a little testing and pretty much figured he blocked me on this new account. Instagram used to show a shadow of an account if someone blocked you, seems now, it’s a blank page. You used to see the name, and all the stats, but nothing else.

    He set this account up a week ago. Which means, if he blocked me on it, he had to navigate to my account. Which is bizarre as I am not blocked on the three other accounts.

    Is this a hoover? A malign one? Does this fall into that category? This is so counter logical to block someone from one account, a new one and not the others. I haven’t said a thing to him in 6 weeks. It makes no sense in my world. But in your world, does this make sense? He has 3 open accounts, a message from me on his main personal account, and my fake account still active and can access all four of his accounts, but he blocks my one personal page on his week old account?!

    Well, if it is one, a malign hoover, and he then looked at my page, he will see some awesome stuff (my art, garden, travel, nature… lots of stuff with love) and that I am doing great. So I hope he took a look before he blocked me and felt some fury.

    But is this possible, that this is a hoover?!?

    It also indicates to me, I am still in his thoughts. Why I won’t block him at all ever as that would clue him in to my thinking of him. I want him to wonder for the rest of his life if I really just never thought of him again. If he had blocked me on every other account, I would say, he meant business this time. HIs “goodbye” was a real goodbye.. I of course, felt a pang of hurt that he blocked me, which is why I need a narc translation manual right how, but then I put on my HG channeling and thought, hmm… this can’t be a genuine effort to block me. He is trying to hurt me again. This is a malign hoover?!

    0
  4. Wow, very powerful indeed! How is it you seem to know exactly what it is I need to hear each day? This is a clear reminder of what I have been fortunate enough to avoid so far. Every now and then the thoughts of him come back. The crazy chemistry and attraction, and then I get a huge reality check from you. I seem to need it everyday, at least for now. Thank you for being there for me!

    0
  5. No. He didn’t destroy me. It has been a long and raw fight and I kept my faith, thanks to you also.
    I can and I will love again. Better than before and stronger.
    No narcs this time. I want to enjoy it.

    “I am so hungry for a big smashing creative burgeoning burdened love: I am here; I wait.”
    Sylvia Plath

    0
  6. We have something that you will never feel or have. You’re like a child, trying to rip a toy that looks better than yours from another child’s hand. It’s like trying to learn an 8 year old boy how to fall deeply in love (in the romantic sense) with an 8 year old girl – as we know, that task would be impossible due to the mental age and immaturity. He might smile at the girl if she gives him a lick of her ice-cream, but ultimately, cannot give anything of himself to her as his world means everything should bend to his will. It’s just a matter of the narc not being capable of such things. This is a comforting way to look at it from my point of view, because you realise it’s not intentional as such – they do the things they do to survive. On the flip side, some of us have giant toddlers with giant fists to contend with – that’s where the damage comes in.

    Some serious coping mechanism must’ve kicked in at an early age, due to either one key incident that profoundly affected the way they viewed the world, or it was a series of small consequential events.

    Psychology has always fascinated me, and will continue to do so

    Thanks once again, HG – riviting read

    0
  7. Interesting read. True. Amazing how you know all this HG. I suppose years of observation and stealing has perfected this gross misconduct. Agree it can take a while to recover but my god recovery and welcomed to a real life even from what I had before (where a part of me was missing) has set me free. You have got something wrong though. My heart was not ripped out but it was scarred temporarily until I really understood it all. I love much better than I ever did now as I have at last gained trust in myself and I care about my needs now. I believe I am one of the top empaths and I will continue to be this way. What I will be is selective who I share this with as now I am in control of my life. I hope your Dr’s can help you. Your insight has helped me in my recovery. Thanks. One last thing. Yes he was a love thief of my past but my present and future most certainly not and that goes for the female narc friend also.

    0
  8. Yep! I know it sounds cliche of me to quote a song lyric but in the words of Charlie Puth’s “Dangerously”….

    “You’ve awoken me but you’re choking me, I was so obsessed. Gave you all of me and how honestly, I’ve got nothing left….”

    0
  9. Oh yes you fucking Prick. I was on an airplane out to San Diego California when it suddenly occurred to me that he never loved me. Almost 10 years of marriage and two years almost after our divorce no I take that back almost 1 year after her divorce and the brutal truth hit me this mother fucker never loved me. He’s not capable of Love Therefore he could never love me. I loved him. With every ounce of my being. Even overcoming obstacles of love and my way. Throwing philosophies a side of why I should not love him to just love him. Because I for some warped reason believed in his love for me. And almost 10 years of marriage it came to a crushing blow. And I was already divorced from him almost one year when it occurred to me the blunt awful truth that it was all a lie it was all an illusion even though I read it for 3 months in the blog. For some reason it hit me he never loved me he never loved me. He was not capable. Stolen love? Absolutely. Fucking prick. I will NEVER give my pearls to fucking swine anymore!

    0
  10. But i love U. HG. 😉 only bc u are nice and polite. And u help people accidentally. And… im attracted to your blog power. 😉 I’m fighting for the desk closest to the teacher. Im very competitive.
    Bur enh…

    0
  11. …cont. accidentally hit send button..
    But…. enh. It’s not that serious. Other people can pass me for the seat of honour.
    But…. i know… u will always notice me. You cant help it.
    Its fucking weird.
    You are the 1 that helped me see it. Like some cursed vessel. Seeking normal… but always going a bit off the spectrum….
    What’s wrong with us. ? I don’t want you. But yet…. Like a mouth to a flame….
    Just you. Mind you. 😉
    Not in a race for the crazies prize…

    0
  12. Yes, he stole my love, feasted on it and then ripped out my heart. I am verklempt from the loss of it and nothing can aroint the heartbreak.

    0
  13. Hi HG,
    This article really saddened me because I always believe in hope and in the future. There are times I have felt just like you describe in the article- doubting if I can ever love again, at least not in the same way.
    You write: “We rip out your heart in order to leave you so bereft that you can never love again. We steal your love. We are the love thieves of your past, your present and your future love.”
    I would like you to be brutally honest HG- are you saying that because of my relationship with my ex an UMRN that I will never be able to ever love anyone again? I would really appreciate this.
    Thank you 🙂

    0
  14. “If you knew what we truly were then you would not offer your perfect love to us but we want it.”

    What ARE you HG?

    0
  15. but we heal… and can love again because that is what we do…

    so I’m curious now… why? why do you steal it? what need do you have of it? you learn nothing of what love is. you do not learn to feel it.. you get fuel from many other emotion… so why love?

    0

Leave a Reply