So Wrong


My ex? Where do I begin? You know, I must admit, I have a propensity to always being right. I cannot help me. It is just the way I am. I work hard to get things right, in my job, who my friends are, making the right decisions in my life and most of all in respect who I choose to spend my intimate days with, but I will hold my hands up on this one. I got it wrong. Spectacularly wrong. I am normally an excellent judge of character. It is an uncanny knack I have, call it a sixth sense if you will. I can usually tell when I meet somebody for the first time whether I will get along with them. I can gauge whether we will become firm friends and enjoy one another’s company. It happens with everyone including you. What did my sixth sense tell me about you? Oh that we have so much in common and we are destined to be together. Don’t ask me why but I just knew it from the moment we met. There is just something about you. This sixth sense has never let me down before but it did with her, I got that all wrong. She was just the wrong person for me but I must have let her charm me or something because I just did not see her for what she really was. She appeared so right yet she was wrong on so many levels. Don’t worry, I know I have not made the same mistake with you, you are different, there is nothing wrong about you. Everything was good at first, I think she managed to pull the wool over my eyes and hide from me whatever it is that is wrong with her. I am still not sure but it was not long before it all went wrong. We had a good time at first, no I will be honest, we had a great time. I put a lot of effort into my relationships. I firmly believe that there should be no half measures. If you want to be with someone then you must give your all to them. There should be complete trust and your heart should only ever be theirs. I did this but it soon appeared that it was not enough. I don’t know what I did wrong, other than actually get into a relationship with her, but it all turned sour. I still don’t know what I did wrong. Whereas she was once attentive and kind, I think it was all a ruse now when I look back, she then showed little interest in me and doing things together. She focussed on her job, her home and her hobbies, almost as if I became an afterthought. When I tried to point this out to her she would just go crazy, I mean full on looney tunes. It was scary the way she would just turn on me and point out all the things that I had done wrong. It made no sense. I gave her everything and yet no matter what I did it was always wrong. I just could not please her. There is something very wrong with her. I could go into detail but you don’t need to hear all about that. I think it is sufficient to say I made a huge mistake entering a relationship with her, I got it entirely wrong, but I have learnt from that error and it will not happen again. I know I have got it right this time.

I was right about you. You are wrong, everything about you is wrong. I knew from the start but I thought I would give you a chance to prove me wrong. I wanted to help you. I saw something in you and thought that things would be all right despite the wrongness that surrounded you. Yet everything I did to makes thing right you just threw back in my face didn’t you? You just had to make everything go wrong didn’t you? You would say the wrong thing, at the wrong time in the wrong situation. You would make wrong decisions, based on the wrong facts and choose the wrong option. You got with the wrong friends and did the wrong things with them for our relationship. You showed the wrong tendencies and you committed so many wrongs I must have forgotten as many as I have remembered them. You are inherently wrong; it runs right through you. You taint everything about you with your wrongness and most of all you made our relationship go wrong. I did nothing wrong. I tried to make things right between us. I persevered and held on as best I could as the wrongs rained down on me. I wanted us to work together but not only were you on the wrong page compared to me, you were reading from the wrong book. You gave me the wrong things, made the wrong comments and did the wrong acts. You infected our relationship with your wrong views and attitude. Everything went wrong and it was all down to you, yet you cannot even accept you are wrong can you? You just kept asking me the wrong questions and giving me the wrong answers. I knew you had something wrong about you as soon as we met but something inside persuaded me to give you a chance to make things right, that you just needed that opportunity and you would grasp it and be thankful that somehow you could crawl from that wrong place you inhabited and that for the first time, suitably encouraged and supported, that you would start to do the right thing. I was so right about how very wrong you are. You wronged me but you will see now that I am going to put things right and I will do so in a way that ensures you will do no wrong ever again. Right?

15 thoughts on “So Wrong

  1. K says:

    This seems like a paradox or mirror image conversation between the narcissist and empath. A reversible point of view where the conversation could easily flip to suit both sides. It reminds of the song, That’s All, by Phil Collins. “Just as I thought it was going alright
    I find out I’m wrong, when I thought I was right.”

  2. Victoria says:

    It’s amazing how similar my ex sounded. Why is it that you all say almost the identical things in these situations? Also, why is it necessary to smear us so-is it to justify your actions?
    Per always HG-Super article!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is because our similar behaviours form the basis for our disorder, rather than those who have the disorder acting in the same way. Smearing is for various reasons as explained in the book Smeared.

      1. Victoria says:

        Thanks HG. I will put Smeared next on my list. Per always, this article is spot on!

    2. Angelic says:

      They are all twins then..
      The way HG talks in writing it is almost exactely like the narcs i am involved..
      I have even thought it was him..
      such is my state of mind.

      1. penny dropped says:

        Yep. Seems to be another hangover from our entanglements with these types. The ‘state of mind’ of just not knowing (or trusting) our own judgements, or anything or anyone anymore! I think the scientific word for it is ”headfucked” 😉

  3. HG, Are there any past IPPS or IPSS that you can recollect fond memories for, if being fully self honest here? I recall reading about Karen, she appears to be one .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is for the fuel, not for them.

      1. Pamela says:

        So the partners that gave you the most desirous fuel are more memorable. Is that only for hoover potential? As you know what they will provide to you when you return.

        1. HG Tudor says:


  4. penny dropped says:

    lol…. You’re so full of shit! (aimed at the collective you… not the personal you 😉 )

  5. Mrs Linton says:

    My boss never takes responsibility for anything going wrong. It is always the fault of people under her. We never understand what the job is really about, only she does. “I know what you are thinking” she will say. She has impossible standards and will move the goalposts to a level where it is humanly impossible to achieve.She will ebb and flow according to whatever are the new fashionable thoughts in management, and whatever she thinks her superiors want to hear. “I have said this all a long” she will say, when she has never said it before. I stay out of her sphere of influence as much as possible. She is surrounded by lieutenants so I am now very careful what I say. I don’t initiate any conversations I don’t have to, and avoid emotionality. I try not to express an opinion now as she will never let me finish a sentence,and it is always wrong anyway as far as she is concerned I freaking hate her.

  6. Angelic says:


  7. Ali says:

    you’ve either been talking to my ex or delving into his head 😛
    maybe you should save yourself before you get dragged down to his level… i’ve been in there… i should know… it was not a nice place to visit. i’ve learned some pretty ugly things there… things I now need to unlearn… yuck

    1. Vashti says:

      That’s because they are all the same.

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