10 Spoken Narc Grenades

10 SPOKEN NARC GRENADES

1. You never….

The precursor to a criticism of how you do not do something for me. It is a twin explosive assault against you because not only do I tell you that you are failing me by not doing something for me I also choose something that you actually do carry out. By suggesting that you no longer do a particular act or say a certain thing, when you actually do so, I intend to leave you speechless with exasperation and confused as to just how I can say such a thing. You will be stunned by such a blatant contradiction and this will result in your emotional response coming to the fore, rather than a reasoned one. All the better fuel for us.

2. You always….

The flipside of the above and likely to be tossed in your direction not long after the above narc grenade. The allegation of “you always” will be followed by some put-down and criticism highlighting a behavioural trait of yours which we deem unsatisfactory. Once again we will actually highlight something that you do not do in order to perplex you. You will defend yourself against this scandalous accusation and once again erupt in an emotional manner.

3. I’m sick of you controlling me.

Thrown at you in order to project our own rampant control of you. This is also used to deflect any criticism of us when you chastise us for our behaviour. Any attempt from you to point out the error of our ways or even to try to help us in some way will be met with this response. We do believe that you are trying to control us, by trying to break our own control of you and we cannot allow this to happen. It is through our control that we gain what we want from you and therefore any threat to this must be met with something that will knock you off balance. Accusing you of the very thing that we are doing will cause such astonishment and consternation that our aim is fulfilled.

4. My ex wouldn’t do this

A narc grenade of triangulation and who better to do it with than your predecessor. By implying that your predecessor has some form of superiority to you, after all the smearing of her name we did when we first ensnared you, not only will you be taken aback by this sudden volte face, you will also be mightily offended at being compared to someone who we hate so viciously. Drawing you down to her apparent level always brings forth a reaction from you.

5. My ex would do it

Another flipside whereby we are seeking to coerce you to do something for us, something which you are evidently reluctant to do. You have reservations and no doubt with good reason, but that does not matter to us. You are our extension and therefore you ought to be complying with our wishes without hesitation or refusal. By triangulating you again with she who went before you we are threatening that you are inferior to her and raising the prospect that you will be soon dispensed with if you do not do what we want.

6. I love you but I don’t like you right now

This carefully crafted narc grenade will shatter you as it appears as a compliment before ripping your heart out as you struggle to comprehend what we have just said.Surely if we love you, then we must also like you? What do we mean by saying this? It creates confusion and will have you trying to persuade us to both love and like you. What we mean when we lob this grenade towards you is “You say you love me but you will not do what I want.”

7. If you loved me….

We know that you are a love devotee. A passionate supporter and believer in the concept of love and we use this as grenade to about compliance. We know that you take pride in your integrity and decency and therefore you have standards to always uphold. By suggesting that your failure to act in the manner we want or that your disagreeing with us is somehow representative of you loving us less, we are challenging what you stand for. This will always force you to react by stating your case, reacting in an emotional fashion and ultimately doing what we want, in order to prove that you do indeed love us.

8. You are over reacting

A favourite to make you react even more. You take matters seriously and there are many things that we shall do which will cause you to respond in a serious and concerned fashion. By using this grenade, we belittle you and cause the issue to be about your reaction rather than what we have actually done.It acts as a brilliant way to deflect discussion and dissection of our behaviour and instead causes you to try to prove that you are not over-reacting, which will invariably actually heighten your response.

9 I can’t deal with this right now

Our grenade that is thrown in order to provide us with an escape route from any crisis or situation that requires us to be either accountable or supportive. We do neither and we want to keep it this way. We will invent some other reason which means that we have to depart or that you have to deal with this situation as we hurl the grenade, leaving you to catch it and deal with the subsequent explosion as we walk away, free from involvement, responsibility and culpability.

10 I don’t remember

The blast from this grenade is used to eradicate the problem that you are facing us with. Whether it is an accusation that we have failed to something or evidence of misbehaviour, this grenade is a failsafe way of enabling us to escape the problem. Often it will be used even when it is blatantly clear that we can remember, making your flabbergasted reaction all the more satisfying. There may be irrefutable evidence that we know and can remember but this never stops us from hurling this grenade at you and making good our escape from your attempt to blame us.

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15 thoughts on “10 Spoken Narc Grenades”

  1. That number eight, the over reaction one is a killer. My Father used to say this to my mother all the time, and just sit and laugh at her. HG I am sure my mother is a Narc, though my Dad I do believe had a caring side, he certainly became abusive, and he had endless affairs including when they were just married. I watched him wind my mother up about a ring he has bought that he indirectly made her think was for her, let her get excited about it for a good half an hour to then tell her it was for his mother.She was really hurt. Is this an example of someone becoming narcissistic? Is it possible for two Narcs to remain in symbiotic relationship for over twenty years? I say this because I cannot work out who was the non narc…..

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  2. Wow, it’s amazing how everything you wrote is verbatim my ex narc. Here’s another one-“yes I love you but your love is killing me” This was so awful-totally a low blow.
    Another marvel HG! Thank you!

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  3. Oddly enough, my husband has never used triangulation. I’ve never caught him cheating, flirting, anything inappropriate involving the opposite sex. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did have side pieces, however.

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  4. “I love you, but I don’t like you right now.” My own mother told me that many times.

    I loved her so much. I asked myself so many times why was I so unlikeable when I tried so hard.

    Abuse/love became one and the same, thanks to her.

    Sex/love became one and the same, thanks to daddy.

    I’m a walking freaking billboard advert — please abuse me. I feel loved when you do.

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  5. 10… went hand in hand with the deny deny deny, the lies… if he couldn’t make something up on the spot, it was “I don’t remember”…

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    1. I was told “That has never happened”. Abuser: “If I don’t remember, it has never happened.” Gaslighting.

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  6. I appreciate the way you explain what statements and actions mean to and from the narcissist towards the empath.

    #6 stands out to me. As that is often stated. It isn’t you, it is your behavior .
    HG do you find any of these grenades more impacting when lobbed at your victims? I suppose the triangulation of #4&5 are quite effective.
    I would peg #3 as it targets guilt in the victim.

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  7. The UMR in my life loved triangulation’s, just like HG stated that MRN do. Looking back, it would drive me nuts whenever in the middle of an argument he would say, “none of my ex’s were this bad, you have a terrible mouth” all because I was defending myself against the latest criticism.
    HG for as much as your kind hates criticism, my ex loved pointing out any flaws or mistakes-with a smile on. It hurts us empaths just as much as it wounds your kind. Does your kind know this? If they hate it so much knowing how it wounds, why do they criticize so often? It doesn’t make sense. Thanks:)

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    1. Yes we know this.
      We can do as we please and if that is hypocritical, we do not care, because we can do as we please.

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      1. Hi HG
        I can understand it there is no sense of consciousness or remorse that a narcissist feels they can do what they want and criticize the empath even though they hate criticism themselves. Furthermore after reading your book fuel, I also understand the negative feel is a lot more potent than positive feel. What I don’t understand is they long for deep down inside to find love understanding and someone who praises them and except them why not keep it on the positive spectrum as long as possible? Why destroy what is taking so long to build?

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