The Narcissistic Truths – No. 7

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45 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 7”

  1. This is why in one sense I am compelled to want him and desire him …even after the horrible abuse. I’m so glad he chose to discard me because now I can heal. Just thinking of his words sends shivers down my spine….

    Liked by 4 people

    1. Agreed. I feel the same as well. It is so maddening to see it as “abuse” when it was all words and it was said in the most polite and charming way. Even when insulting me and putting me down, he said things as if he was helping me and was concerned and cared. Yet I still want him. 😦

      Liked by 3 people

  2. I am coming out of the closet: I am a Covert Cerebral Empath.

    This is what I have learned on the dark side so far:

    1. I have a superiority complex, it manifests only when I am dealing with bullies or idiots. So often.
    2. I mirror.
    3 I have empath rage. Again, this only manifests when dealing with bullies or idiots. It is almost uncontrollable and empathy is switched off just as fast as the rage switches on.
    4. False self: I can’t find it yet.
    5. True self: It is titanic in size and I started to build it when I was about 4 or 5 years old.
    6. I have a void. It is filled with a silent desperation to be loved.
    7. I gather fuel from primary, secondary and tertiary sources. I prefer positive but I collect negative fuel too. When I had an IPPS (my ex) I got both negative and positive fuel.
    8. I have a slightly sadistic side. Nobody appreciated my dead baby jokes.

    When I gather negative fuel, it is compulsive and I have an irresistible urge to hurt people for it (I grew up with lessers, ergo, the propensity towards violence). I am very aware of this and in order to stop it, I have to use incredible amounts of self-control. However, before I became aware of it, I had no memory of collecting negative fuel. It was only after friends told me what I did that I became aware of this behavior. I want emotional responses, perhaps this is why I can be so provocative.

    How close was I to becoming a narcissist? Very close.

    My twin is a narcissist.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. K,
      I am confused. There are classes of empath like they are narcissists? Is this what you were referencing in another post where you described the magnetic pull? Could you share more please, you have piqued my interest with what you are saying. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There are schools of empaths which are Co-dependents, Super Empaths, Spiritual Empaths and Standard Empaths. You then have the relevant cadres such as Magnet, Carrier, Geyser and others which I have written about.

        Liked by 2 people

      2. Gabrielle,

        Don’t feel bad. I am trying to figure out what is going on with my behavior and how I interact with other people. The blog is a compass that points me in the direction I need to go. It taught me to look at my behavior from a completely different point of view. As for the Covert Cerebral label, I simply chose to exchange narcissist for empath to suit my needs. Yes, that magnetic pull is something I feel often. I desperately want the love that I never got as a child, so I am searching for it through other people. My curiosity has been piqued too.

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Okay I went back and read about the magnet, carrier and geyser but there is no mention of an article about “cerebral” as K referenced. Is this forthcoming? Or is there another place to search?

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      4. I do not regard Cerebral as a cadre of empath. Not because empath’s are not intelligent, far from it, but that is not a distinguishing feature for our kind.

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      5. Gabrielle,

        I threw on the Covert Cerebral to emphasize just how close I was to the possibility of becoming a narcissist. It is very scary, for me, to think that I could have been on the right of the continuum.

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      6. Gabrielle,

        Just to be very clear, the phrase Covert Cerebral Empath doesn’t exist. The accurate term would be Super Empath. Sorry about the confusion.

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      7. Hi K,
        No worries. I am reading everything you are saying and letting it simmer in my brain. I find it all very fascinating. The story where you gripped the child’s hand, felt the rush but then stopped gave me chills.

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      8. HG

        could you re- post all about the different school of emphats and cadres .. please
        its hard to scroll the screen trying to find them all.
        Did you write books about it?

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      9. You can read about the Co-Dependent Empath is the book chained. The Super Empath is in the article by the same name (although there will be a book in the future). The Standard Empath does not have anything dedicated to them but of course they are mentioned repeatedly through the books and articles. As to the cadres they will be appearing in a book but you can find the articles by searching in the search facility on the blog for Magnet, Geyser, Carrier and I will be writing more about it in the book. You may also wish to consider the various Sins of the Empath which are also easily searched for.

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Gabrielle,

        Yes, I am still examining more of my past behavior and let’s just say it is making me a bit uncomfortable. “Chills” would be an accurate word. When I was young my narcissistic traits were dominate, but now that I am much older and wiser my empath traits dominate. I feel like a hybrid. It is eerie!

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    2. Hi K
      Great post. I think so many mistake empaths as being perfect and were not. In fact many borderlines are empathic and are a mix of empath and narcissist. I appreciate your coming out of the closet and opening up. A lot of your post resonates!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Curious,

        Thank you! Things make so much more sense to me now and for the first time in my life I can see clearly. Coming out of the closet is another step in the right direction. Glad my post resonated!

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    3. Oh my K this makes me sad in one way but happy for you in another. Somehow you never went down the narcistic path which is amazing so good on you. Although I suppose you will never know why that path will you? No 6 made me want to cry as that really resonates. I have to read it again. I would be offended with dead baby jokes but we are all unique. Do you generally find them funny or is this a mask to the world? I now need to look more into this. Very interesting. Just wondering what I really am.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello SVR,
        My parents were narcissists and they were both physically and emotionally abusive. My father was also very sadistic. When I was young I would tell jokes of a sadistic or dark nature. Most people thought I was a sicko, however, as I matured I stopped telling them. Not many people found the humor in them anyway. Based on my childhood, I am wired to find humor in the perverse. No 6. All children deserve unconditional love and I simply never got it and I, too, sometimes cry over its loss. Always be curious about who you are. Look for the answers and don’t stop till you find them.

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      2. SRV,
        The way we were abused, I feel, dictated which path my siblings and I would follow. It was a 50/50 split. Two of my siblings are narcissists and another sibling is an empath. I consider myself very fortunate.

        Liked by 2 people

    4. Hi K. Could you please expand a little?
      Do you have ptsd also? What do you think made you? Were you raised by a narcissist(s)? Did you suffer various types of abuse? If you don’t want to answer its okay. I just find your comment fascinating. ☺

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Jaeger,
        Yes, I have PTSD and both my parents were narcissists. The abuse I suffered was physical, emotional, some mild sexual abuse by non-family members, and lots of neglect. During my on-line research I discovered that I was scapegoated and I think this is what saved me from becoming a narcissist. NPD is a very fascinating phenomenon and all your questions are welcomed. It is very important that we exchange information here, because this may help in the healing process.

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      2. K thanks. I too was raised by 2 narcissists. My brother is narcissist. I asked because I stated before that I was very narcissistic when younger. I became much more empathic over the years. Although my good doctor just said the other day that I was looking for narcissistic supply…okaaay? I’d rather think I’m the empathic supernova it’s much prettier than saying I’m an empath with high narcissistic tendencies. One thing I wonder about your situation, was your mother or father all bad all the time or was it a 50/50 split? My Father was Great to me alot of the time. He made me quite cultured, art, literature, symphony, theatre and of course gave me my criminal mind and sociopathic traits. That I love him for. My mother however showed me about make up, clothing and any other beauty skills. She was very somatic but always the victim. I learned by watching her. She would never actually take the time to “teach” me anything. It would have been beneath her to do so. Thanks for sharing all that you have K. It’s interesting to know that there are many with similar behavioral traits.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Jaeger

        You are very welcome. Both my parents were lessers and they were awful most of the time. My father was a really bad alcoholic. They didn’t believe in education or culture and, when they weren’t abusing us, they completely ignored us. In public they were neutral and I have no fond or kind memories from my childhood at all. My narcissistic traits were much stronger in my youth but, like you, diminished as I matured. Don’t be too alarmed by narcissistic supply. Pay attention to it and see where it takes you. My focus is on negative supply and how often I look for it. Thanks for sharing with me, as well.

        Liked by 1 person

    5. You wrote alot of what I have learned about myself in this journey. I, too, was extremely close to becoming one. Another sibling didn’t fare that well and did.

      I have a memory from when I was about 7. I was walking holding a smaller child’s hand. I started to squeeze her hand. I pretended nothing was going on, but quietly squeezed it. She looked up at me in concern as the pain grew. And I felt a rush of power from it. LIke fuel. And then I stopped. And was flooded with the most unbearable shame imaginable. It lasted for hours. I thought alot about it that afternoon.

      If I was destined for the Narc path, I would have relished the reaction. And grasped hurting in secret, grasped hurting those more vulnerable (in this case, a smaller weaker child).

      But I had so, so many other life experiences that built me up to be like you described. I have the hidden rage for sure. Push me too long, watch out. But I had feelings and the kind that prevented me from hurting others. Sadly, I am afraid I just hurt myself as punishment. I took it out on me, not other people. But as I have journeyed in to all this, I see parrallels where my life could have gone quite the other way. This is why I firmly believe that the case of nature/nuture is never and can never be clearcut. My brother had the fun charm very early on and similar difficulties with life and challenges but he did become a narc. He had something to fall back on that I never had so I took it out on myself.

      I appreciate your honesty.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. sarabella,

        You are welcome. Facing the truth can be difficult and unpleasant. What you described when holding that younger child’s hand sounds all to familiar to me. As a child, I behaved like that, too, and I still feel the shame when I think of it today. That we could get joy from other’s pain is almost incomprehensible. My love has tempered most of my narcissistic traits. The parallels are very clear now, however, I have discovered that they are separated by a very fine line. Don’t punish yourself, keep reading and learning. The knowledge with set you free.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. A person’s true nature is revealed at times of the greatest adversity.
        Daisaku Ikeda

        Tell your daughter that before getting marriend she should test her fiance on how he reacts to slow and bad internet 😂😂😂😂.

        Liked by 2 people

      1. NarcAngel,

        Yup! It is scary how fine that line can be. And I read what you wrote on Narcissist truths No. 8 and I remember sitting on my mother’s lap while my father terrorized us all as we ate pizza one night. It really does affect you for the rest of your life.

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      1. Angelic,

        The more I read, the more I discovered just how many narcissistic traits I possessed, so I coined the hybridized moniker “Covert Cerebral Empath.” Although, the correct term is Super Empath. We all have some narcissistic traits to a certain degree and we should accept them and use them for good. I, for one, am going to use them against my ex-boyfriend.

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  3. My, what an evocative image!

    It certainly helps that you are so wonderfully adept with words, HG. Such devices are weapons in your abstemious hand.
    This quote reminds me of you, HG and your greatness. You have created much good here with your words.

    “Beneath the rule of men entirely great, the pen is mightier than the sword. ”
    Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have always said, “Words are the Most Powerful Weapons”…. Their impact can be positively divine or devastating and can never be revoked…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. “FLATTERY IN COURTSHIP IS THE HIGHEST INSOLENCE, FOR WHILST IT PRETENDS TO BESTOW ON YOU MORE THAT YOU DESERVE, IT IS WATCHING AN OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE FROM YOU WHAT YOU REALLY HAVE.”
    Sarah Fielding

    Intense picture!

    Liked by 3 people

  5. I love this picture. It speaks volumes. HG are you putting these pictures toget her or do you have someone helping you?

    Like

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