Envy and jealousy form two of the limited range of emotions that we are permitted. Of course, our reduced range of emotional responses is entirely by design so that we are furnished only with those emotions which drive us forward in our pursuit of fuel and thus we are freed from the hindering effects of many emotions which you experience such as compassion, sadness and joy. Envy and jealousy certainly provide us with the impetus and motivation to gather our precious fuel but they are emotions that you exhibit as well. Admittedly, there are those amongst your number that are so selfless and giving that an envious thought or look of jealousy never clouds your saintly features, but for many of your kind there is a bitterness that arises from this jealousy although we know you would never admit it and would prefer to blame it on us. Take for example the following exchange I had with one of my ex-girlfriends. I have not named the individual,not because I have some semblance of decency by granting her anonymity. Not at all. No, this is borne out of highlighting that this conversation could have taken place with any number of my ex-girlfriends. It is a conversation that could have taken place with many of you. She was in a period of devaluation and was providing me with plenty of negative fuel so as I worked behind the scenes to line-up my new prospect there was no urgency to bring about a discard. We had arranged to meet at a wine bar. I was fifteen minutes late.

“Oh here at last,” she remarked as I walked in to the wine bar. I pretended not to notice her at first,my eye caught by a tall and attractive lady who was stood near to me at the bar. I smiled at the tall lady and she returned it.

“I said,” declared the ex in a louder voice, “you are here at last.”

I turned to where she was sat as if noticing her for the first time.

“Ah hello, yes what a day, major deal going on and I had to take a conference call with New York,Pretoria and Frankfurt. It’s all happening I can tell you.”

“You could have rung to say you were running late, I have been sat here wondering where you were.”

“Am I late? We said 7-15.”

“No, seven o’clock.”

“I think you will find it was 7-15. I remember distinctly because I told my secretary to schedule the conference call for 4pm to last for no longer than 3 hours to give me sufficient time to get here. Big deal you see, so it needed that time allocated to it.”

“Well, I was busy too you know,” she remarked.

“Not on the scale I have been my dear,” I replied with a smile as I continued to scan the wine bar to see if there was anybody I knew and any further opportunities to gather fuel.

“Oh of course, your work is always more important than mine isn’t it?”

“No need to be like that, I am just stating a fact.”

She began to say something but I cut her off by pointing at her wine glass which was nearly empty and asking,

“Which wine is that?”

“Er, the chardonnay,” she replied.

“The Chablis here is far better, I will get that,” I remark and smile as I see her twist her face at my comment. I indicated to a waitress to come over to the table and I ordered two glasses of the Chablis.

“A far better choice,” I declare pleasantly,

“Oh it would be wouldn’t it since you chose it?” she added sourly.

I pretend I didn’t hear and thrust my hand out and revealed a watch from underneath the double cuff of my shirt.

“What do you think of this then? Impressive no?”

“Why have you bought that? I got you a watch only last month,” she announced in irritation.

“I know but, well, this is of a superior quality and the strap on the one you got me did not fit my wrist properly, not like this one,” I explained and I then continued to espouse the virtues of the chronological item as her face darkened. I of course revelled in this but I maintained the pretence that I did not notice.

“Anyway, enough of that,” she snapped.

“Something the matter? Not jealous are you? Jealous? Of a watch?”

“No I’m not jealous,” she answered far too quickly.

“Yes you are.”

“No I am not, anyway, where are we going this weekend? I thought we might go to Rockcliffe for a couple of nights, the restaurant in the orangerie is apparently really good,” she continued.

“I am not going there.”

“Why not?”

“Because I have been invited to Guisborough instead.”

“Who by?”

“What’s it got to do with you?”

“Er just a bit, I am your girlfriend or had you forgotten about that?”

“I would rather not say, you will only get jealous,” I grinned.

She looked indignant.

“Let’s just say Guisborough is better than Rockcliffe so that is where I will be going,” I added.

“Oh I see, you always have to go one better than what I suggest,” she snarled.

“Hey,I cannot help it if people who have excellent choice invite me to such a place can I?”

“You do it all the time. I get a new car, so you do the same only yours is more expensive. I gained a promotion and rather than congratulate me you tell me all about the targets you apparently smashed. I cook you a fantastic dinner but you tell me it is not as good as the one you did the previous week. I show you a picture and you tell me you have one that is similar only yours is better. Good God, I even told you about a moisturiser I was using, just chit chat and you have to explain how the one you use is superior to it. What is wrong with you? You always have to bring it back to you and go one better?”

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?” I replied feigning a look of displeasure despite the fact I was revelling in all this fuel that was being provided.

“You are consumed by your petty jealousy. I share what I achieve, I tell you first, I let you into everything I do so you can feel reassured that you are with someone who is successful and all you can ever do is be jealous and envious. How about being pleased for me for once rather than thinking about yourself?”

“I cannot believe what I am hearing. You boast all the time, you do it with everything. You tell me repeatedly about how you are ‘kicking ass and taking names’ at work, how the higher-ups adore you, how you are looking at buying an even larger house and how you have always been the highest achiever in your family. I told you about my degree result, yours had to be a class higher, if that is even true of course as sometimes I wonder. Your university was better than mine, your post code is a more desirable area,you have more friends than me, you have visited more countries than me. Every time I try and tell you something you have to trump it and go one better,” she continued as the anger tainted her words.

I slowly stand and her eyes widen as she seems surprised by my movement.

“I’m not sitting here listening to your jealousy, I am parked on a double yellow line and I am not getting a ticket just because you are envious of me,” I hiss. I turn as I hear her shout after me.

“There you go again, it couldn’t be a single yellow line could it? Oh no.”

I smiled and walked away content in the knowledge that these continued bouts of envy provided me with such delicious fuel. So predictable. Single yellow? I liked that.

74 thoughts on “Bitter

  1. z says:

    I have recently discovered your blog. May I ask HG, are you a second twin?
    My N of 7 years exhibited so many of your actions and I can hear his words as I read your correspondence. I believe his actions were all along because he was the second born by 5 minutes , not the Golden Boy the First born. His interactions with his family and his isolation tactics with me – the full throttle release of his dominant mind – your explanations could be his words….am I warm? You are the 2nd twin?

    He is a mirror image without the personality of the One who is adored by everyone else just because of timing….He would occasionally let slip how he hated being 2nd in everything; winning was his only joy, hence his adulation in his sporting world when he slaughtered the competition!

  2. Jenna says:

    Envy- i saw it in my mid-ranger ex. He always wanted the better job than his friends, or he felt like a failure. I told him he is too hard on himself.

  3. Ms brown says:

    Maybe Iseeyou is a kidnapper and will require a ransom to return HG to us, lol…

    1. Love says:

      “Heav’n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn’d, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn’d.” William Congreve

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Old Billy Boy did not know about narcissists when he wrote that.

        1. SVR says:

          Lol HG you really have an answer for everything. Billy Boy, you cracking me up. Now I understand your sort it gives me such a chuckle.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Of course I do. That is what I am here for.

          2. SVR says:

            Well thank you

    2. Ms brown says:


  4. Mona says:

    Dr. Quinzel, she is only fighting for her mental sanity after being abused for a long time. English is not my mother tongue, so I am afraid I would not find the right words to calm her down and to help her. What about you?

  5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

    Please nobody push or provoke iseeyou. I thought this was a joke at first. I’m realizing more and more it’s not.

    1. Mrs Linton says:

      Dr HQ I agree with you.

  6. DJ says:

    Iseeyou I think you need to lay off the crack pipe

  7. DJ says:

    I don’t feel envy or jealousy very often but I empathise totally with your ex in this convo. You are using your achievements, superior knowledge, taste and acquisitions to make yourself appear superior ergo she is made to feel inadequate and inferior. That’s not about either envy or jealousy but self worth. Plus bragging’s boring, period.

    1. Angelic says:

      Do i perceive that ISeeYou
      is one of HG ex?


      1. HG Tudor says:

        Your perception is incorrect Angelic. As I have stated earlier, we do not know one another.

  8. Mona says:

    Excuse me, HG, I forgot your “honourable” character traits. Besides- I do not understand why that couple should have faked friendliness. There was no “profit” for them. No one was there to watch them, no publicity, nothing. I was happy to meet nice people and not to walk home for more than an our and they were happy to have a nice conversation about “flowers” for example…If I would meet you in a cafe, you would tell me about your car, all the extraordinary things you did`, to which places you have been and so on… And then you would expect me to admire you or you would try to seduce me. This would be the prize I had to pay for sitting in your car. They did nothing of that kind. Normal, friendly people! Do you believe, that everyone who is wealthy, has a disorder? Do not forget, the percentage of disordered people (upper class ) is estimated about 15 %, not more. I am glad that I met two of the 85 %. I think you see the disordered people everywhere, because you grew up in a disordered environment.

  9. Mona says:

    HG, it is interesting, that you seem to have no hate against other nations or religions. All the narcissists that I met, were full of hate against other nations /religions/ special groups. They focused their rage against other social groups. All were racialistic. You seem to be no racist (excluding your hateful behaviour against women). Surprising.. .

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Mona, I am not prejudiced. I hate everybody equally.

    2. Mrs Linton says:

      HG is a conscious Narcissist, so he will understand psychological projection which is the essence of all prejudice. I think it’s true that Narcs for the most part live their lives through negative projection onto others, and are not able to understand it is a reflection of their own unconscious. Not HG. HG I do think that one day you will turn a corner despite yourself. To be able to fell another’s joy and pain is a wonderful experience, I wouldn’t change being an empath for anything.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you.

  10. giulia says:

    ISeeYou….you crack me up :)))

  11. Mrs Linton says:

    I remember once telling my Narc sister that I had just had a second car accident in a year which was my fault, and was both mortified and stressing over it. Having to compete, she said that SHE had also had accidents which were deemed her fault, in the haughty way she did to try to get one up on me. Both pathetic and perverse of her I thought. Yes Sis you win, you are a much crappier driver than me, well done you great twit.
    Double yellow joke is very funny.

  12. SVR says:

    Indeed they do like to be the centre of attention, it’s always about them, the jealousy is an amazing opportunity to see. No point sharing stories of the idiocy. Think we all know what they do from that brill piece from HG. I will say though I am glad I do not live in your view of life HG but following ‘awakening’ I am having difficulty with who I am. I am not the person I thought I was: the fixer, the helper, the on the go all the time person. This is proving frustration to me. I am not sure HG if this is something you understand or can help with. Can you let me know?

    1. SVR says:

      Can you?

      1. SVR says:

        HG are you not answering? If so why please. Ta.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I am, working through comments in moderation.

          1. SVR says:

            Thank you. As an empath just wanted to make sure did not cause upset. Will await reply.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No problem.

  13. horseyak says:

    As a super empath and that point in the relationship( and I comment as I’ve been through this shit) I would have busied myself with my iPad and not given a shit if you were on time or fifteen minutes late or never showed up at all. But I would have given you until seven-thirty at which point I would have ordered dinner. If you showed up, you showed up. And If you didn’t , oh well. I had a nice dinner and cleaned up my inbox and checked to see what other tools I could acquire to beat your kind.

  14. 1jaded1 says:

    We would have passed each other through the revolving door. Phone off.

  15. ISeeYou says:

    Yep. All the Jews I’ve ever met had a shit ton of money, BITCH!

    1. Mrs Linton says:

      I remember once telling my Narc sister that I had just had a second car accident in a year which was my fault, and was both mortified and stressing over it. Having to compete, she said that SHE had also had accidents which were deemed her fault, in the haughty way she did to try to get one up on me. Both pathetic and perverse of her I thought. Yes Sis you win, you are a much crappier driver than me, well done you great twit.
      Double yellow joke is very funny.

      1. K says:

        Mrs Linton

        Yes Sis you win, you are a much crappier driver than me, well done you great twit. That was hilarious! Thank you so much, you made my morning.

  16. ISeeYou says:

    Jews and Muslims are the same. They are satanists who drink and bathe in blood. They periodically must cover up their crimes, so they stage massive world disasters in order to shift the blame onto other. Then they moan and cry crocodile tears all over the media in order to claim victim status.

    How’s that for a study in human lie detection?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      How’s that for a study in nonsensical rambling?

      In case readers are wondering, I have allowed a multiplicity of comments through from I See You which came in a deluge late last night (my time) and are scattered throughout recent articles. I have done so to allow readers to see the range of responses and comments that appear on this blog. I have deleted the libellous ones (against third parties, not me – indeed it is unclear at times who she is actually aiming her comments at).

      1. Mrs Linton says:

        Can you please cut out the anti Semitic anti Muslim and satanist rubbish please, there is enough of this crap on social media as it is.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Indeed I have as I have deleted more in a similar vein. I allowed this through for the reasons stated.

      2. K says:


        It is all quite entertaining and I am getting positive fuel from it. Please, allow them through as you see fit.

      3. 12345 says:

        HG, ISeeYou’s posts make me feel completely sane😂 Please let a couple through every now and again.

      4. strongerwendy says:

        I agree with 12345. But I do like a little die antwoord once in a while 🙂

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        I see you,

        Are you currently under the treatment of a psychologist and a psychiatrist? I don’t say this to provoke you. Many of us are seeing people in the mental health profession to help us get through our issues.

      6. Angelic says:


        how do you know that ISeeYou is female?

        i am just curious..

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Because I do.

  17. ISeeYou says:

    False grief. Google Israeli people. They are purposefully creating genocide and killing their own children to cover up the fact that their Muslim and Jewish religions are actually satanism and that they are participating in child and animal sacrifice.

    Why would a normal, loving parent go parading their dead baby through the streets. That’s called the ultimate pity play. They all have the same fake open mouthed expressions on their faces and you can hardly see a tear.

    The first holocaust was staged and so is this one.

    The Star of David is indeed the pentagram.

    1. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      Whoaaaaaaaaaaaaa now!

      I can assure you the holocaust happened. I had people in my family die during the holocaust.

      Let’s push that chill button

    2. Ms brown says:

      Star of David is NOT pentagram. It is a hexagram… ✡ Can you count, iseeyou?

  18. Do we get to read an exchange with an ex from HG’s chambre a coucher at some point?

    I was wondering… can a narcissist go through periods of having a much lower sex drive, due to an IPPS’ escape?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You will.


  19. Brian says:

    I like these blow-by-blow accounts.
    With the ability to see into your mind, how you are thinking and feeling. It is kind of like the same interest people have for vampire books I would imagine.

    1. Brian says:

      I think I can see the difference between female and male narcissists thanks to this article.
      It might be that females might depend more on triangulation, but that could be because I have experience with a mid-range. So I guess I would need more information.
      Do you have any observations on female-vs-male narc behaviour?

  20. hockeygirl41 says:

    I actually found this a little amusing, because I’ve had a similar conversation before with a mid-ranger, but the roles were reversed. He was good at accusing me of always trying to one-up him. Which in his mind was probably true but was never my intent.

  21. Lmao.. Last Christmas 🎄 he recommended Google Maps app for me to virtually travel to my country across the ocean, and I thought it’d be cool to show him the place where I grew up, you know in a normal relationship it’s kinda important, because it’s a big part of me. He grew up in the US, but his parents were born in Greece, and he had been there with his military unit in the past. So I ‘travel’ to Europe, excited and nostalgic, I find my house, and town, and surrounding forest, and… he grabs my iPad and quickly steers it away over to Greece, to show me ‘his country’, although he didn’t grow up there. And ofc we spend the rest of the time in Greece, the country either of us really familiar with..


    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed, it cannot be about you, it has to be about him.

      1. I meant Google Earth app. It’s really awesome to use to virtually travel all around the world.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      If he knows your gmail password he can track you using google maps – like a gps.

  22. ISeeYou says:

    Yeah blah blah blah “I drew a line, I drew a line for you… and it was all yellow.”

    You think you can keep harassing me and get away with it, creeper?!!

    1. Ms brown says:

      Hey, iseeyou… the author here is like all the narcs we ALL have had experiences with! They are all the same!! Now use your RAGE and send it in the direction it needs to be directed! Seize YOUR Power!

      1. HG Tudor says:

        No the author is superior to all the narcs you have had experiences with Ms Brown, let’s have it right!

        1. Ms brown says:


  23. ISeeYou says:

    You totally write all of this shit for me. What a loser. Thanks for the visual you creep. Keep going… I like how you try to make me jealous of your supposed wine date, when I know you have the AIDS.

    You used to try to make me jealous of your idiotic dog, the fucking television, your gay friends… just SO DAMN NEEDY!

    You’re in love with your mom. And that’s fucking gross.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is evident that you have confused whoever you were/are entangled with, as being me. I am not that person. I do not know you in real life.

    2. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      I think you are confusing HG with your ex or something…

    3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      Who on earth are you talking about? Who is this mystery man?

      1. Love says:

        Ooooo, Harleen Q! Just the gal I was looking for. I watched Suicide Squad for the first time last night. I don’t read comic novels. Anyhoo, the crazy love between Harleen and the Joker was amazing! She fell head over heels – was willing to do anything, endure hell, and even die for him. What made you pick that nickname? Did you have such a wild romance with a wicked villain?

    4. Angelic says:


      am i reading this truly?
      (The post from ISeeYou thinking HG is her ex)

      Now i know you are a female.
      I do not think it is right to attack ISeeYou
      she has been obviuosely messed up by a narcs..
      emphats were is your emphaty???
      I am shocked

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Wait a moment, if she was a man it would be okay to attack this person?

  24. Mona says:

    I remember the days, when I was in Cannes, France. I asked someone, what time it was. He showed me his watch, apologized, because he could not tell me the right time. The watch was defect. I naively asked him: “Why do you wear that watch, if it is defect? ” He blushed. And I thought: what an idiot! And he knew it. I did not know at that moment, how important it was to wear that watch for him. THAT WATCH. For me, it was only a thing to fulfill a certain function. To show the time. Sorry, that it is so important for you too.

    1. Mona says:

      Hey, did I meet you there, coincidentally? Was it you? Wow.! I met a famous guy and I did not know!!!!!

  25. Mona says:

    Your interpretation of that conversation is interesting.For sure. Reality?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. Mona says:

        Do you really think, that we are full of envy? Of course- everyone is sometimes a little bit envious – but that is different to resentment. Resentment is the more fitting expression. I think you really misinterpreted her. And I mentioned above, material things are only things. A watch is a watch. It can be a beautiful watch. It does not matter for me, if it is cheap or expensive. Status is not important. Not for me. Long time ago I met a couple in a cafe. We have had a very nice conversation about life. They told me they had to stay at night at a farm, because all hotels were full and how they enjoyed the friendliness of their host . It was a very decent, modest and friendly couple.Then they asked me, if they should bring me to my hotel, because it was a long way to go. I agreed. How surprised was I, when I had to sit down in a Maybach. There are wealthy people, who still have a heart and soul and who are not looking at any kind of status. They like people and had the luck to be wealthy. They did not boast at all. Just friendly and life-loving humans.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          I could have a very nice conversation with you in a café, tell you an uncorroborated tale about staying at a farm and how down to earth I found it and then offered you a lift in my expensive motor vehicle. Whilst undoubtedly there are wealthy people who have a heart and a soul, it is not difficult to fake having a heart and a soul either.

  26. 12345 says:

    Sounds like a really fun night!!

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