The Narcissistic Truths – No. 13
37 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 13”
Vent Your Spleen! (Please see the Rules in Formal Info)
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#3 is where I would say I am. My confusion from my past marriage is nicely cleared away thanks to HG. The current narc is someone I was infatuated with for several years and it has mostly been nosiness on my part the past few months to find out how he operates. It still is a relationship of sorts but one that I can now choose to be around him or stay away. I’m no longer addicted. I think he will always be glad to see me and I’ll probably never leave his music because it is worth holding onto. What has changed with me is no longer caring who else he treats as special because wherever he goes there will be someone or many someones. I feel fortunate to see him now as he is. For now, seeing him occasionally and having him hold out his arms for me to come into at a public venue still means a lot to me. I’ve never seen him do it to anyone else but I can’t fool myself that it doesn’t happen. The bottom line is that his music and the friends I’ve made through that music are something I would greatly miss if I avoided him because he is a narc. He isn’t mine and never was so I hope others can learn like I have that the only thing real about him is his voice and the only thing worth following. He does add happiness to many fans’ lives and for that reason he is still an extremely worthwhile person in my book. It was me that allowed him to become too important for my own good. I did suffer and grieve but nothing like I’ve read about others on this blog. My heart goes out to anyone trying to decipher where love went.
HG,
Thank you for that detailed explanation of why we empaths interact on your site. For me this site is not only a place of learning but also a safe haven where I can speak freely while knowing that there are so many like me who have found healing in knowing that we were not to blame in our relationship with our narcs. Furthermore since reading Sitting Target I feel that I need to continue learning as much as I can in order to avoid being ensnared by another narcissist; which for all empaths is very likely since it seems we are as attracted to them as much as they are attracted to us. This was one of the greatest revelations I have learned from you HG and one that I am very grateful to you for.
Like Alcoholics find solace in attending AA meetings to continue in sobriety I find the same by coming to this site. Thank you HG for providing your daily articles, your books and a place where we can be ourselves and continue to learn from you.
My gratitude always 🙂
You are welcome Victoria, thank you for your continued support.
I’m on your side and I see your game on them HG. I can’t believe my husband and his family it is unbelievable the control they desire. This blog has helped me more than you can know, and that’s even if I come out of my battle with the low end of the stick. I see that coming and have already prepared my heart/ stomach/ mind/ soul..
I am pleased to read that that is the case Geminimom.
You make them suffer like you suffered, so you do not have to feel your own pain. It’s a temporary relief only, which is why you will continue abusing others… it does not free you from your pain… hopefully, you will embrace another way of dealing with it.
HG, good evening.
You know better than anyone how to defeat and punish a narc.
May I ask why you don’t use that tactic on your Mother? Is it because you have more to gain by staying connected to her for now? (Ie inheritance)
If so would it not give you more relief /pleasure/closure to devalue and discard her and walk away from the inheritance?
Thanks
A fair question. I have in effect applied a form of no contact with MatriNarc and also not reacting to her manipulations save where I see that it is useful to string her along. I do this because I have something far, far bigger in store for her (and the other vipers) and therefore I want her to cruise along in a state of ignorance in readiness for when I strike.
Wow. God help her.
When I asked the question I was thinking using my own logic. I should have known better that you would have your own valid reasons.
Your Mother brings out my narc traits.
I wish her no well.
You hate her that much 😈
When you read Little Boy Lost and MatriNarc you will understand how dark,visceral and unending my hatred is.
I do, too.
What does visceral mean?
Deep, gut-like, raw.
Thank you.
You are welcome.
OK must get Reading. More kindle books from HG. I have a question:
I really enjoy this blog from a learning purpose, educational purposes (those fancy words you use), hearing others experiences and now that I have removed the empath mask I never knew I had but I knew something was different (felt lost, feeling happiness difficult, non reliant on others). Now as you are aware I do contribute quite a bit to your blog but I am wondering now if I should limit myself time on here so that I can continue to move forward. Anyone else feel like this or any thoughts HG? Thank you in advance.
A valid point. Of all the many readers that comment here (and on other platforms) I would say that :-
1. Some arrive, extract what they need and move on and do not return;
2. Some arrive, extract what they need, move on but periodically dip back in to remind themselves of why they are doing what they are doing;
3. Some arrive, extract what they need and then remain because they feel robust enough to do so and they enjoy the interaction and then learning more about the condition as a whole and/or learning more about me, my life, my ‘creation’ and my ongoing treatment;
4. A few recognise when it becomes too much for them and take a break and then return when they feel reader
5. A small number are no doubt substituting me for their narc in a ‘safer’ way and this may cause them to not progress as much as they might but they still do so.
From discussions I have had with people privately on this issue, it is clear that people find a level for themselves and either decide they have what they need and they can move on or that they have what they need and feel able to remain because they have become robust enough and it is not having any adverse impact. If need be, you could decide to limit your time to say an hour a day or such like and gauge it from there. You know yourself better thn anybody else.
Well I never, that is some answer. I do know myself better than anyone else now. I feel strong now but agree your hour a day tops will be just the ticket. Thanks once again. Are you ever planning to disclose yourself or are you planning to remain anonymous? I don’t fantasise over you lol! So that one is not me. I told the Narc he needed me more than I needed him. Of that I stand by. Anyway great to have found a narc (omg did I say that 😈)
My indentity will be revealed once certain factors have fallen into place.
Hi SVR, I think only you can answer that question really.
I have times when I need a break if something has triggered me badly. I actually see that as a positive though as then I deal with whatever triggered me. Sometimes I don’t know I have an issue with something until HG triggers it. They don’t feel good to go through but once they’re dealt with and ticked off the list I feel I’m one step closer.
I also enjoy hearing other people’s stories and thoughts and feelings. I like interacting too. I also like the feeling of freedom to be ‘me’. I enjoy being ago to express whatever the hell I’m feeling that day too. Be it happiness, anger, hopelessness, empathy whatever. Anything goes and our feelings are not censored here.
I believe I’m going to be here as long as HG is. I have an interest in him personally now and I love to analyse him even though for the most part I’m proved to be wrong. Haha. I want to see how this progresses, both as an educational reference and as personal progression for HG. I care about him. (Once an empath…)
I also have an absolute fascination for the subject now. I think I’m in a good place mentally and I can now enjoy the entertainment and education whereas before I didnt enjoy it, it was a necessity.
Think I’m a lifer 😊
Thank you. Well done you.
Well I look forward to the unveiling when the time is right. Any estimates?
Hello HG, I hope you don’t mind me replying to your comment but I have a question. What makes you think your eventual strike on MatriNarc will drive your message home? As you say yourself most narcs don’t know they’re narcs, unless she’s a greater, of course. Secondly, why is it so necessary to get your own back on her? After all, she too must have been subjected to ‘special’ treatment of her own by a narc parent as a child. Punishment and retribution solves nothing. It only serves to harbour hate. Let it go. She’ll leave this world bitter and resentful, knowing for the best part she isn’t loved. That’s punishment itself, surely….?
OMG HG
How tragic having to come to hate your own mother.
I suffered abuse and traumas in my infancy and throughout my life..
but i thank God that hatred had not been able to take roots in me.
It is too tragic.
Painful but so true.
So is yours.
Hello HG,
Is it possible that “our fall” now is reflection of “your fall” as a child?
It seems to me that you are punishing your mother trough people. And you are doing that because:
1. Now you can
2. It must be done
3. You must exist
There is force in what you suggest The Bridge.
HG I’m reading every day what you give us, as a present and it’s priceless for me in many ways in my life. Thanks a lot! Lour, from Argentina.
Hello Loulloque from Argentina, good to have you on board.
HG,
Do you think it is subconscious that we represent their Mother? My N. would always say” you are talking like my Mother” and you know I hated that about her-in reference to when I was defending myself during an argument/devaluation.
Thanks 🙂
I think that is of some relevance.
I ended up in every single relationship shouting at my partner at some point “you are like my father!”.
I have bee thinking about this issue as well, The Bridge and HG but it’s a bit foggy for me, makes my head spin: although I understand the need to punish Mother through other women, I don’t understand the reason behind punishing the empath ones (instead of the narcissists ones, the ones resembling your Matrinarc). It’s like punishing “Team A” instead of “Head of Team B”. I am not asking this in an “ethical” stance.
Could it be because there is no possibility to punish a N (so you need to seek out the empaths)? Could it be because you wish to erase and destroy female love/care/empathy/ so that if it doesn’t exist then maybe there is nothing to mourn with respect to the love that wasn’t given to you in childhood? or maybe (in a similar vein) you’d like to prove to yourself that such love is a fairy tale (the empaths fail and disappoint ,eventually)? I cannot see with clarity..
HG, an hypothetical and maybe irrelevant question: If you were to find out that an unknown switch had taken place at the maternity ward so that your real (biological) mother is another woman, what would you feel? would you like to meet with her? would you see hope in this scenario or an excellent opportunity for fuel? would you like to punish her as well?
This is powerful. We do not want to fall but your kind take us in that direction. It was a lesson learnt at a cost I will never forget but it has completed my missing part I knew was missing and searched for for years. So thanks to a narc or narcs (friend) I now live my own life and have removed my mask I never even knew I had. My favourite word now is NO 😂
Hello SVR what do you mean by “the missing part” can you explain?
This is the way I explain it. The last part of my jigsaw puzzle was missing to complete me. No matter what I did to help people, I achieved in my life in education, work, family life I always felt a form of missingness/emptiness. It was like I was not allowed to be happy and must continue to be there for others to detriment of self. Does this help?