The Igniters of Fury – No. 13

IGNITER 14

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75 thoughts on “The Igniters of Fury – No. 13”

  1. So true. My N was pissed when I told him I had paid off my college loan. He snapped, and then fixed his composure. At the time, I thought it was because we were looking at blue prints and he wanted me to wait until we got in the house first. I now know that he had other plans with My money. Wow. Eye opener here.

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  2. A frequent argument heard growing up. Either that or a broken record of “we don’t have any money” shouted at my Mother then my Dad goes out and spends hundreds on himself. She of course got back at that by going behind his back and spending what she wanted. Why? Fuel for them both.
    On the romantic front, only when I was with my first narc did I take my paycheck and sign it over to him. He was taking care of us don’t you know. He was 25 years old making $70,000.00 a year. I was 19 making $200.00 a week part time as a receptionist at a salon. Uh, why was I so stupid to think he didn’t have enough to take care of us? Because I trusted him. Reality is that it must have been ipss and dls that were draining him. He was just draining my bank account and my emotions….still trying all these years later….I almost fell for the hoover.

    Follow your hearts but take your brains with you. Any scarecrows out there in need of a brain? Read HG Tudor. He’s the wizard of Narcville and behind his curtain is a whole lot of brains to be handed out. He doesn’t even ask us for his mother’s broom. Sing it with me.. Oh-ee-Oh Eoh-ah or in Narcville the chant would be….Oh we love, no one.

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    1. I feel for you, Jaeger, upon marriage, (my third and I’m 12 years older) he said “What’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is mine”…. you can imagine the rest of my story

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      1. Ms brown, lol! I told him ‘what’s mine is yours’ but he wasn’t too keen on it because he craves independence, hence he feels too superior to take anything (including money) frm others. Could this be a way in which narcissism manifests as well HG?

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  3. This is something all men do. They want to take charge of the woman’s life and that includes money also.
    A friend of mine has her own business, she makes good money, house owner and still she hides some expences from her husband, whom I adore.
    Men want to feel in charge of the whole thing. It may not be real but we must keep the facade of them being in charge. Once that is up and strong we can go on with our secrets and disappearances every now and then.
    That’s how it is….

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    1. Giulia,
      Not all men are like this. Maybe it is that all the examples you have seen are like this which reinforces your experiences with men. There are plenty of men out there who share money freely and see it as “our” money. Who do not complain about money and are not abusive with it.

      Liked by 4 people

      1. Jaeger, this is true. My husband never wanted anything to do with money. That was beneath him. He signed all his paychecks over to me and never even had a bank account. He didn’t want to have to deal with bills and shopping. Now, of course that didn’t mean he wouldn’t criticize and rage over what I bought and how I paid the bills…

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Windstorm2, I think the irresponsibility that some narcissistic people have is also a reason. They are above it as you’ve said. The Men I were entangled with did not do any work around the house, repairs, cleaning, yard work etc. They paid people to do it or my first narc wanted me to do it. Most of the ones I was with went out to eat alot too. Cooking for themselves was beneath them. Although I did have one call me on the phone once and ask me how to make meatloaf. I was like why? He said I want to use this meat I bought before it goes bad and a friend from General Motors is in town and going to stay with me. I told him. Turns out the friends name was Heather and he was trying to impress her with his stolen cooking skills from me. Ugh! Suckered again.

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  4. HG

    You mentioned that you liked dystopian literature, so does the HG come from H.G. Wells and the Tudor from King Henry the 8th?

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      1. High Grade?
        Higher God?
        Highly Gifted?

        Heschl Gyrus? (Austrian Professor of pathological anatomy)

        Hybrid Group?
        HG Hemoglobin?
        HypoGlossal nerve?
        Harrogate postcode HG?

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I can’t resist:

        Gaylord Focker
        Auric Goldfinger
        Gordon Gekko
        Jay Gatsby
        Hans Gruber
        Hugh Grant
        Gilbert Grape
        Grinch

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      3. HG.. I want to tell you something, but I’m unsure that it would ‘change’ or stop rather when I don’t want it to ..

        Anyway, I love reading anything interesting and dystopian literature sounds stimulating. May you offer a good dystopian book?

        Thanks,

        Vashti

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      4. 1984
        Brave New World
        A Clockwork Orange
        Children of Men
        The Handmaid’s Tale
        Fahrenheit 451
        The Chrysalids
        So Androids Dream of Electric Sheep
        High Rise

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  5. HG. This topic has a question Id like answered please, if you can. The tHiNg never once asked me for money. When we were married and living together, he paid all bills. Rent included. I worked but my wage was by no means near his level. However, he always let me keep my earnings for myself. Always!
    Ive heard many times that the narc will use you for money, take your money or whatever. He never did. He always paid for meals if we went out also. (Crap on the gift giving though). So why would that be? Simply to save HIM money?? Ive often wondered about that. Thanks.
    PS: my money enabled my escape….silly silly narc!! Lol

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    1. Money is of course a resource which we regard as ours, even when it is yours. Lesser Narcissists will commandeer your money and sponge from you, although the Upper Lesser being more successful will make displays of financial largesse where it suits. Mid-Rangers are spongers, save where they are seducing. Greaters are less likely to commandeer financial resources, instead they are more likely to withdraw their generosity than look to take your money because of the higher level of grandiosity. The relevant factors are the type of narcissist, both in terms of school and cadre, the stage of the narcissistic dynamic and also the interaction of other Prime Aims, for instance a high fuelling appliance with little money will still prove attractive even though the narcissist has no option (leaving aside desire) to commandeer the victim’s financial resources.
      I assume your comment about saving money is with regards to the gift giving. I suspect that was more about devaluing you than saving money – see the Narcissist and Gifts for more on that topic.

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      1. Thats a very informative reply HG. Thank you. Yes I can see the devaluing side of gift giving. Grrrrr! What a triggering thought right now, even though I have known what you say to be true for ages now.
        Thanks HG. Soon, I think I will be able to fly on my own, unless of course something pops up that I need help with down the track. 😉

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      2. Hi HG,
        When you stated “the stage of the narcissistic dynamic” are you referring to his age; if he is older he will accept someone with no money or residual benefits?
        Thanks,

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  6. After years and years I finally figured out I was being financially abused by my narc. He made millions a year and I was on a strict financial budget of $32,000 a year to run the household with. It boggles the mind the amount of money he spent a month on himself. When I left him he gave me a little over $2,500 a month to live off of. It was always his money not ours. How dare I go after my half? I’m going after it all and he’s furious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LA ….good for you! Get what youre entitled to and then some!
      Ive spent on gifts for the narc but never would i sign over my paychecks or any assets. In fact after learning all i have here and elsewhere on narcissism id never have joint accounts or put up money for anything and that goes for anyone even if they arent a narcissist. That trust in me is gone. Ive seen and learned too much to ever put myself in that situation. I really feel for the victims out there who not only lost everything but also incurred debts from the narc. Its terrible. I can see why celebs and the wealthy get prenups in a lot of cases. Dont leave yourself open financially. The worst trap ever is to be stuck with a narc bc of financial issues

      Liked by 1 person

    2. How is giving you his money abuse? Why didn’t you contribute the other half of household money or make your own millions? Many people would love that amount for working 50 hours a week.

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  7. Well, you’re a narc. It shouldn’t bother your cool, calm demeanor. I guess you wouldn’t have a blog if you didn’t want the attention.

    I mean, you even say yourself, in many of your posts, that you are able to extract fuel from both positive and negative attention…

    So what’s the problem? You don’t like me posting on your self indulgent blog about topics other than yourself??

    Hmmm lol 😂

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    1. It is a blog about narcissism. It is not a blog about whether muslims and Jews are Satanists or what was said on Saturday Night Live. I do not mind occasional off topic discussion from people who usually remain on topic, but you are a recent arrival and have posted random material from the beginning. You are welcome to comment and post, but keep it on topic and have regard to the rules of the blog.
      It does not bother me in terms of comments about me (it is a little low grade fuel) but I do not want the blog clogged up with irrelevant comments by the dozen and nor do my readers.

      Liked by 3 people

  8. Uh oh ladies, don’t talk about relevant world situations with this guy! He does NOT want to hear it!

    All you’re allowed to do is kiss his ass and color inside the lines.

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    1. Yawn.

      If you want a debate with me, book an audio consultation and I will run rings around you on any topic you choose. Even better if you want to discuss world situations with me. Come into my parlour, said the spider to the fly.

      Liked by 7 people

      1. Thank you HG. It’s hard enough to try and find time to read all the comments that actually have to do with narcissism. All this other stuff doesn’t belong here!

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    2. I See You

      Why are you here? You don’t seem to want to learn anything new but stay stuck in a pool of muck, that is coming out offensive or full of nonsense.

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      1. Twilight,
        I agree! I see you, if you don’t like the site don’t come. The rest of us are here to learn, interact and heal from our narc. relationships. Furthermore we are grateful to HG for taking time from his busy schedule to answer our questions and advice us on a daily basis.

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  9. Yes. He always had something negative and insulting to say about what I spent my money on. Another thing I don’t miss.

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  10. I’m sure not every Narc wants to control the finances per se is the fury ignited because he/she is using their free will and spending money ? There’s a kick to the ego somewhere in here …I know my narcs wouldn’t want my money nor the headache of managing it but I know it had pissed them off after I’d made a big purchase..one Narc told me “oh nice gold watch I don’t want to be with someone who would buy such a flash watch and he broke up with me for a while 😉 ” … help me figure this out HG would you expand on the reason behind the Narc injury it’s not just as simple as my money is his is it ?

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    1. It is the use of our resource (whether legally it is our resource or yours – both are considered to belong to us) and also as you pointed out the exercise of your free will which challenges our control of you.

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