How Long Can You Resist?

HOW LONG CAN YOU RESIST_

 

Can you hear me knocking? Open the door and let me in? I know you want to. It is only me. You know me. You know me better than anybody else. Come on, I know you are thinking about me. That is what happens. I am on your mind and in your thoughts. I am whirling around in that messed-up mind of yours. It is messed up. I didn’t do it. I didn’t do anything wrong. I never do. It was a real state before I even appeared. I just took advantage. But look, that is in the past and we don’t need to talk about the past (expect I suppose when it suits me). I know you want to hear my voice again don’t you? You miss hearing me. You miss those long conversations on the telephone that we used to have, two hours or more where there was never a lull. I know you remember them. I know you keep looking at your ‘phone hoping that it will ring and that it will be me. I know you feel a phantom buzz when you have stashed your phone on your person and you keep pulling it from your pocket and checking. You tell your friends that your mother needs to speak to you, just so they won’t groan or roll their eyes at you for wanting it to be me. I know you are itching to call me. Go on, why don’t you? You can speak to me again and it will be just like before, all of the wonderful stuff. I will reinstate it in an instant because look, I have had a lot on, I have been tired, I have been worried and so on and so forth blah blah blah. I will trot anything out because once you see me smiling at you, you won’t be listening any more.

No, you will be thinking back to that kiss as we stood in that park with the sound of the breeze through the autumnal trees. That first kiss after the days of flirting through text and call. That magical, marvellous, mesmeric kiss. The first of a million. One in a million. I know you close your eyes and stand in that park and allow yourself to be taken back to that time a year ago. That day when we both drove there and met beneath the towering trees, the September sunshine still warm and I stood there, my magnetic smile on display as you half-ran towards me and I took you in my arms and then we kissed. Imagine doing that again? Oh you have of course. A thousand times.

Send me a text. You may as well. I will answer you and I will put a kiss on the end, just to tempt you. I know your heart will surge when you see that and all thoughts of staying away from me will begin to evaporate on seeing that. Text me. Just one text. It is easy enough. I know you haven’t deleted my number despite the promises you have made to do so. You just could not bring yourself to do it.

Call me. Ring me up and tell me what a bastard I am. Go on. Unleash that anger. Let it out. How many times have you sobbed to your friends about what I did to you? What a cruel and heartless bastard I am. I do not deserve you do I? No, but I deserve being told what I have done to you. You need to get it off your chest don’t you? You should. Go on, just press that button and I will answer you and you can let rip at me. Hey, even better, why not suggest we meet up and then you can have that show down that you have always envisaged. I know you have thought through all the things you have wanted to say to me but feel that I prevented you from saying when I just disappeared and then ignored your frantic attempts to get in touch with me. Tell me how broken I left you. Tell me how your friends hate me too. Tell me how your brother is going to batter me. Go on, I know that anger is still raging through you and you need to let it out. Surely after everything you have put up with you are entitled to one last hurrah?

Make that call late at night. I know you are lying in the dark thinking about me, hands entwined around the shirt I left which still smells of my scent. You know you ought to throw it away or burn it but you just cannot do it can you? You still want that connection. You still want to be able to inhale my fragrance and somehow relish the agonised joy as your mind is flooded with my memory. It is a lonely place now that bed isn’t it? Why not send me a text and we can exchange some saucy messages? Rekindle that fire again. It will make you feel better. I might even be tempted to come and see you and take you in your bed once again and let you experience the magic that I possess. The sex was brilliant wasn’t it? I know you cannot lie about that. I have heard what you have said to people about how you hate me but the sex was off the charts. Let’s do it again. Why not? It will make you feel so much better. Just text me, ring me, message me. You just have to reach out because I know you are dying to.

You may as well flick through those pictures again and smile with regret and longing as they evoke all those momentous times from when we were happy together. So many pictures, so many smiles. Have a look at my Facebook profile again. I did not block you. I would not do that. I want you to see how I am doing. Those messages are for you by the way. I am sure that the cryptic comments that I have posted with those pictures will have been picked up on by you and considered and reflected on. Those were for you. I wanted you to know how much I am missing you and you need your daily fix of stalking my social media. Yes, there was somebody else and I know you will have seen and been distraught to know that she was now receiving my love, my perfect love. How that must have burned inside of you as you realised that somebody else was now the recipient. I knew you would but don’t worry, she isn’t a patch on you so why don’t you come and see me and we can start it all again. I know you want to.

Come and see me. Help me. You are the only one who truly knows me. You know more about me than anybody else. The others, huh, they meant nothing to me. They were aberrations but you, you are the real deal. I love you still. I always have. Just come and see me and I will prove it to you. I will make the changes you want me to do and I know you believe in me. You see the good in me don’t you, you are the one who can let it out and help me. Please help me. I just need to be fixed and you are the one with the tools to do it. There is only you. Please don’t let me down. I need you. I will change. I will be better. I promise. Just come and see me and give me the chance to show you. That is only fair isn’t it? You are a fair person, I know you are, that is why I love you so much.

Come on, just get in touch with me and all this pain can go away. There is no need for it. You just need to press those buttons, dial that number or best of all just turn up. Imagine how romantic it will be. You turning up unexpectedly (but not really) in the rain and I sweep you into my arms again and everything will be good and golden and great once again. Do it. Do it. Give me the dressing down. Come to bed with me. Kiss me again. Tell me how you feel. Offer me forgiveness. Let me know what has happened to you. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Do it. Do it. Get in touch. Reach out. Stop the pain. End the hurt. Bring back the joy. Resurrect us. Ignite the passion. Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.

I can hear my ‘phone ringing.

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62 thoughts on “How Long Can You Resist?”

  1. I know even if I did contact him he would ignore me I broke no contact once after I found out he was messaging my new guy and I told him to knock it off but he never replied I knew he wouldn’t why is that though

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  2. How you wish I would contact you, but I refuse! When we pass one another on the road twice a week, it brings me Joy to ignore and knowing that you know I’m ignoring you you, makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I will use no contact like kryptonite, because fuel and attention is what keeps you alive. My insomnia and my wet dreams are nothing compared to my loud silence ringing in your ears saying, you’re not my king, you’re not the best, you don’t hit my spot, and your advice is useless…LOL

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  3. Literally got 3 phone calls from my own narc while reading this. I always put my phone on Do Not Disturb mode when I’m “busy” reading or don’t feel like conversing with him, but LOL @ me thinking he wouldn’t call more than once in a 3-minute time span, which resulted in his face popping up on my screen (rudely interrupting my enjoyment reading this post) since I foolishly had my iPhone settings set to accept repeated calls on Do Not Disturb mode. Y’all at funny characters.

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      1. Or you could change their name to “obsolete appliance” 😂

        Thanks for that one

        I use that one for my first psychopath

        Had to give you credit for that 😜

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  4. Yep! Just replace the month of September with the month of May and this is pretty much Word for Word what’s going through my mind. You’re always in my mind. I can literally hear him saying all this to me. She really want me to contact him? He told me not to anymore.

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  5. And the subcontext jumping off the screen is to please never abandon you the way you abandoned your True Self before you can even remember due to the buried shame you carry for feeling rejected -most likely by MatriNarc in your case.

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  6. I honestly don’t want to talk to or hear from him. In large part due to what I’ve learned on your site and in your books. Thanks HG. 🙂 Have a good weekend.

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  7. Aah yes, the xxx. I get that a lot, I used to respond back with the same, now I just ignore it.

    Just to update you HG. I received a phone call today from a friend about the narc. On Wednesday he was at her place picking up his son and screaming his head off (at his son). He drove off without speaking to her or her husband and she could hear his tyres screeching. That was the same day a friend and I spoke on my FB cover photo about going for a run together (which I later deleted, so he’d not see it). Not sure if he did see it and got angry. The following day is when I saw him in the bush…and he told me to leave him alone. He later followed up with an email asking me about my run.

    Friend says she never, ever wants to speak to him again.

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  8. Perfectly captured the insanity of the “on” and “off” with the Narcs!

    The “break up” process is endless!!

    I can hear my ex in this post so clearly say “I did not block you” as if the door can always be opened.

    Am very much outside of the realms of influence, even the friends of friends are kept at a distance and thoughts of the past are so much less!!

    This will help me maintain my distance!

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      1. It’s more reliable because you treat it much more carefully than any of your human ‘appliances’.

        Remember, the golden rule is ‘Happy wife, happy life!’ Upon rising early in the morning, you should ask yourself: ‘How can I make myself useful and please my girlfriend today?’ 😀 . You’d get positive fuel in abundance, *much more* than you invested! And for a negative fuel fix, just pick someone at work or at the bar to fight with. Problem solved.

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      2. Really HG? Is it a toaster with eight slots and can you see yourself in the polished chrome? This would be a very nice toaster indeed.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. My new word comes to mind here HG… NO
    He is blocked everywhere
    I know he is scared of me as I know about his past, he blocked me instantly as I said before.
    So NO and here it comes again: jog on.
    I am awake and strong now which means I am not going to entertain you in any way.
    I agree with you, I do think of him now and then in a fleeting moment but never ever wondering what he is doing or what could have been. I think this: thank you Narc for the experience of hell to bring me into an awakening and complete me. I am no longer worthless and I believe in myself now. I wish you no ill but I never want to set eye on you again. No offense meant.
    Making sense?

    Liked by 3 people

  10. You put up a good show. Say all the right things. The words always did roll easy from your silvered (forked?) tongue. But you’re right.. I do know you now. And the answers still no. Now slither off.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. I hold no grudges and I have no hatred. I have no want for you, I actually feel that if people you attach to wake up you will have actually helped them through the hell in their life. This is why I am happy to let you be. You were right, we have a choice. I do wish everyone you encounter all the best and hope that the have their awakening to live life to the full and say NO to you and other narcs. So they can take my saying: JOG ON. And yes, I am smiling, actually I lied (nothe usual for an empath) let’s get it right, I am laughing 😃😃😆

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  12. O. And really sorry for language mistakes, I am posting this from other country, and my phone dictionary rebels. Thank You one more time.

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  13. Ohhh wow… this is one hundred and seven pieces and three quarters!

    “You text me. I know you want, no need, that fuel. That emotional sea of mine that runs through your blood and splashes up against the swinging brick you have in replacement for a heart. Call me, so you can hear the dulset tones intermmitently ring out and repeatedly ring out, till the fury starts to ignite. Hang up and search that long list of multi-graded fuel givers you’ve accumulated over the years. Use the tip of your index finger to perfect your gameshow host on a different set. I’m regenerating in my logic pod, plugged into sanity central, feeding from truth IVs. No glitches allowed amidst the pure flowing sustenance, so be gone.”

    Liked by 1 person

  14. HG, some questions about this entry;
    “Let me know what has happened to you.” Do you feel powerfull when knowing?
    “End this agony” if a narcissist feels so, why then he/she can’t ends it? proudness??
    Let’s imagine, finally she does not calls you….?? looking for a next victim? in that case the agony wasn’t too hard…
    What happens with the victim who never calls a narcissist again? I mean, what happens in the narcissist mind, what think about that victim, was she clever cause she espapes, was she stupid because she lost the oportunity of being with a wonderful man?? do you hate her, miss her?? was she MUM??
    This wonderful entry shows a mind who depends of his mum, while reading I was thinking in a kid, that sort of times when a kid is angry and goes to his room and close the door waiting for mum to calm him…that’s all, all my claps for you HG.
    Fantastic, one more time.

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  15. Every emotion and thought in this article I have experienced . The pain at times was unbearable. I wasn’t sure if I would ever recover. We haven’t been together for 2 yrs. I muddled through and slowly recovered. But these 5 months since I discovered you HG I feel strong and secure . I read everyday to remind myself just how powerful his manipulation has been. I am preparing myself for the day he ” shows up”. Thank you HG for providing the insight I needed to get myfeet on the ground and live again!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Ok, many of us are going through withdrawal in virtual rehab and our counselor (HG) just offered us a potent hit of emotive heroin. I can’t resist that pull. Is your phone ringing? Mm-hmm, that’s me calling looking for my hit.

    “Let love reign. Do it. You can do it. I believe in you. End this agony. Let it go. Berate me. Love me. Chastise me. Fuck me. Hate me. Contact me. Contact me. Contact me.”

    Just when I thought I was getting better. One step forward; ten steps backward. God damn it to hell!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Wow, it’s unbelievable how perfectly you describe what we feel. Truly HG how is it that you know our feelings, after the discard, so well. I know you have stated that it is your business to know us empaths. But after discard, how do you know so precisely what is going through our minds? Great article, painful yet necessary.

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      1. If only by watching an listening to our experiences after discard you can so perfectly articulate our thoughts, feelings and emotional state you are truly highly exceptionally brilliant man; I would say borderline genius. Honestly HG everything you wrote comes straight out of my thoughts and feelings. I commend you!!!

        Liked by 1 person

  18. By the way, I was wondering how I could go about obtaining an autographed copy of one of my favorite books, hard copy, from my favorite author? Since the contest I thought, wouldn’t it be great for your favorite fans to be able to buy an autographed book? Just like we can buy Pvt consultations, I would so enjoy a book autographed by you. Very grateful 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

      1. abrokenwing,
        I did enter the competition. I have read so many of HG’s books and they have helped me so much that I wanted to have something tangible that would always remind me of the person responsible for me staying in No Contact and waking up to the truth. I am just very grateful to finally know the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Thanks HG!

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Wow…. I am speechless.

    And oh it does feel soooo very good. How long will it last this time? A day? A month? A year? Forever? I dare not allow myself to hope. But I will damn sure enjoy every second of it while we are here. No other man will ever take your place. You own me.

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  20. … for the rest of my life. I have no place for pathological liars. Anytime I feel longing, I just tell myself its just me, my internal world and he has nothing to offer me in anyway, not even an honest friendship. i gave him a second chance at one, and he blew it badly whatever his screwed up motivations were. that’s life. i wish him luck sometimes, other times, i wish him so much bad luck. what a con artist.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I was his lover. He hoovered me back after months of NC. Now he seems to be busy looking online to find my replacement. Why?

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  22. Yes. It would be so easy. I could reach out and allow you to come stay with me. It would be amazing. You would make sure of that.
    Until it’s not.
    The price of your amazing is too high. I’ve learned so much about you and myself here. I know that I’m not as strong as I thought I was when it comes to you. You would eventually wear me down and you would win. Again. You would always win. So, you are closed out. You will never be welcomed into my heart or my home ever again.
    I will schedule another consult with HG now. Just to make sure I hold strong.

    Liked by 1 person

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