7 thoughts on “The Narcissistic Truths – No. 17”

  1. Vouching for this one. There were issues in the marriage from day one, not the least of which was him saying one thing but doing the complete opposite… he would tell me what I wanted to hear just to shut me up and let me think it was resolved… for about a week or so… but did the problem ever get resolved? nope… same issues plagued the marriage years and years later – throughout it even – with more piling on…

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  2. Arguements are definitely never solved with the narcissist because they are of a different mindset, an irrational one. Quite often its not even the arguement itself thats the real problem its the need for negative fuel. They want to know they can affect your emotions, control you and that they still matter enough to do all this. Control, thats the center core of it.
    I am tempted to try out an experiment with my narc. Most will say why bother and would be right in saying that but im curious to see if it works.
    Extracting negative fuel is the worst part of the cycle i find. I know the cycle pretty much and can tell when the devalue is approaching. Instead of waiting for the narc to come up with something to trigger a fight and negative fuel im going to come up with something to bypass his trigger. Im not sure itll work but im curious just the same to see if it would. So when i sense a devalue phase ill trigger an arguement, something im not bothered about and fake being upset along with the disengage. Then the next phase of the cycle starts with the lame “im sorrys” start up from him and hes got his negative fuel thinking he caused it and validation.
    Im probably kidding myself but hes messed with my mind for a long time i think its only fair i get to do the same.
    If it worked im not sure itd matter in the long run anyways because its best to remove oneself from abuse and toxicity.

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  3. Curious, I find what you have said really interesting. I used to wish I could record conversations with my mother as after she had confused and infuriated me with her word salad and gas lighting, I often could not even remember anything what we had argued about.I wonder about my need to catch my narc out on the act as a means of transcending all of that BS throughout my life. No one could get one over on me then! It’s like I want to transcend it still, I am still trying to win even though they are really just children.My rational mind tells me I am wasting my time, my irrational one wants to sock it to them once and for all.

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    1. Hi mrs linton
      I get what youre saying totally. For me it isnt so much to beat him at his game but to tweak it to avoid real devaluement whereas i orchastrate a arguement(which they are good at) when i sense devalue phase approaching so he gets his moment of negative fuel and validation and i avoid feeling bad. It sounds ridiculous but so is the whole narc cycle.
      In my situation the cycle goes like this…golden period…we get along great for a month or so then he starts to send things my way to plant seeds of insecurity. I usually ignore them for quite awhile until finally i disengage and tell him i want time away. Then he mini hoovers apologizing. Then were back to the golden period altho its never the initial golden period when we met. So to bypass the devalue stage. He could send something my way i get really upset with it even tho it may not particularly bother me and he gets his negative fix of control.
      Id watched a vid a year ago where they discussed sending your narc false info. For example you get upset at things that “dont” upset you and dont get upset at things thst do upset you so they start to use triggers that really have no impact but you act like it does.
      In the end tho its crazy and life is not meant to live this way. Its toxic. It could benefit if youre planning your escape and coping but longterm who wants to play silly games with the narc.

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