Closer To Heaven

youtube closer to heaven


It is testament to the intensity of our love-bombing, our seductive charade and the illusion that we create that you feel that we are heaven sent. Nobody compares to us either before after. Our love is like the sun. Vast, burning and immense, so bright and you, like most things on this planet, come to depend on it. The brilliance with which we make you ours by the carefully constructed and elegantly orchestrated ensnaring means you do not notice what is happening to you. All you know that is your dreams have come true. You are whisked off your feet, made to feel special and lifted up on high. And why not? You are indeed special to us. We chose you. From all those appliances out there, from the thousands upon thousands we targeted you, we researched you and we dedicated ourselves to capturing you. That is how special you are. You are particularly special because you are elevated to the position of being our primary source of fuel. What greater honour could my kind ever bestow on someone? You are my life blood. Without the fuel that you provide to me each and every day, succulent, potent and plentiful, I would no longer exist. No wonder I worship you when I first find you. You are the answer to my fears. The destruction of the construct is a terrifying matter to contemplate and I will do anything to ensure that this does not happen. You are instrumental in achieving this and it is through your fuel that I am not only able to exist but function, conquer and attract. You are so important to me that you provide the fuel that allows me to draw in even more fuel. You are the catalyst for all my endeavours, my machinations and my schemes. You are the driving force behind everything that I do, my successes, my ambitions and my achievements. It is because of you I am able to illuminate the world with my brilliance. Now do you understand why my seduction of you must be so absolute and intense? You are my saviour, you are everything that I need and accordingly I must capture you with all due expedience so that you are not plucked from my grasp by some other pretender. It is through you that I am able to transcend the mediocre and mundane, how those words make me shudder. My seduction is borne out of a great ravenous hunger. I need you. To acquire you I must take you closer to the heaven than you have ever been. Does it matter that I do so through the construct of an illusion so long as it serves that purpose to ensnare you? You are worshipped, adored and idealised – who would not want to be revered in such a manner and by one so talented as I? It is a match that was forged in heaven – you give me what I need and I give you what you desire. It makes perfect sense and this ideal matching of you and I must always come to pass. It is written in the stars above.

I pin all my hopes on you. I put every ounce of effort into acquiring you. I strain my sinews, polish my charm and burn brightly in the hope and expectation that you will provide me with the outstanding fuel. You do not disappoint. At least not at first. Yet, the time comes when the fuel sours and becomes stale and that is why my treatment becomes so awful and horrendous. My malice is driven by your failure. Our immortal union was in touching distance. I had you at the gates of heaven and all you needed to do was to keep supplying me with that wonderful fuel. I know you tried. Goodness knows you have told me often enough about all the things you have done and how you tried over and over again to make things work. You were not the only one you know. That sense of having been so close burns through me and the fury that is unleashed is so virulent I am unable to control it and thus it must be spewed over you, drowning you in my hatred, my bilious venom oozing across you, trickling into your open orifices as I seek to smother you in my cloying evil. You promised so much. That is why I promised so much in return. We got so near but then you faltered, you floundered and you failed and it all came crashing down. If there was a different way, if there was some alternative which meant I did not have to unleash hell against you, then perhaps that would be chosen instead but there is not. I know no other way than that which is meted out to you when it all comes crashing down. I cannot control it because you threaten my existence by your failure and I must turn to other means to secure and preserve my existence. I obtain other sources of my precious fuel to avoid my extinction from your negligence.

I wanted to give you the world. I wanted to take you to heaven and because of your failings we had never been closer to heaven and then we had never been further away. Why did you do it to me?

118 thoughts on “Closer To Heaven

  1. MLA - Clarece says:

    Ok, thank you!!

  2. shantily says:

    Saw that one a mile away Lol ! Not to laugh at the subject but the worthiness on your part HG

  3. 1jaded1 says:

    HG. do you think she will come back with a different device? Trolls be trolls. I hate typing that. If she is mentally ill, I hope she gets help (as unpopular as the sentiment makes me towards someone who trolls).

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Hi 1Jaded, I assume you are referring to I See You. She isn’t a troll. There is a significant amount of material which I do not post to the blog but I still receive (both as comments and as personal e-mails) which there is no need to place on the blog. The material is not to do with narcissism but its nature shows the writer has significant mental health issues. There is nothing to be served in posting it.

      1. 1jaded1 says:

        Thank you for the answer. Yes i was talking about iseeyou. I hope she gets help and doesn’t come back with a different tablet or device. I don’t know a ton, but I do know about people who stalk and they are crafty. Part of their illness. Thanks again.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          If she did come back with a different device, I would know and spot her. I have various means of detecting people you see.

          1. 1jaded1 says:

            Understood with a small shudder. You are badass HG Tudor…and no one should ever forget that.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No they should not. I am far more dangerous than people realise.

          3. 1jaded1 says:

            I do not doubt it for a second. The question I posted around doing checks on your readers was in jest. Your answer was humorous. Still, I do not doubt that you are dangerous.

          4. MLA - Clarece says:

            I don’t know that I detected any humor in HG’s response.

          5. HG Tudor says:

            There wasn’t

          6. MLA - Clarece says:


          7. 1jaded1 says:

            He responded he only did background checks on readers if they asked for credit. I thought it was humorous bc he doesn’t know his readers so why should they ask for credit?

            Nothing about this particular exchange is funny. It is a reminder of the dynamics between those with npd and their interactions and how dangerous they are.

          8. Jenna says:

            “… far more dangerous than pple realize”
            Gulp! 😖

          9. Twilight says:

            No disagreement here on that! In some areas men like you are needed.

      2. MLA - Clarece says:

        I have a question for you HG. If someone was writing to you privately and you were able to tell that they were unstable over time, but if their correspondence took a tone that they were contemplating ending it all, would you try to intervene somehow? You’ve said you are able to detect where people are writing from and have resources to do searches if need be. Would you try to report it so the individual could be checked on to hopefully prevent a suicide?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            Depends on…??
            If their final messaging would be traced back to you / the blog?
            Or, does it depend on how their communication with you progressed over time, i.e., someone who started off reasonable and getting help thru consults and you have a sense of who they are vs someone who came across rambling, incoherent and possibly attacking you from the start?

          2. HG Tudor says:

            No, whether I deemed it worthwhile.

  4. Scout says:

    Hello Jenna. My father was the one with full- blown NPD while my mother, now I look back, had some narc traits. That aside, she believed in the whole family dynamic and tried extremely hard against great adversity to keep the family unified. She failed. Her marriage to my father wrecked her health, her self- esteem and ruined her children because of the dysfunctional relationship we all had with one another as a result of trying to cope with a personality disorder we knew nothing about. Don’t for one second envy your ex’s partner. The devalue, discard, respite merry-go- round is a living Hell.

    1. Jenna says:

      Thank you scout for sharing. It helps me see the reality of what she has in store for her.

      1. Scout says:

        You’re welcome Jenna. Be strong, move on, find someone who will treat you as the good soul you are.

  5. NarcAngel says:

    Proof that people really dont see themselves is the fact that one of the “likes” to your post engages in the same behaviour and should now be on notice. You have always been fair and patient but you have demonstrated that even those who say “until one of us dies” have limits.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Indeed NA, I also noticed that. The individual concerned also has the nonsense removed. I also know that the vast majority of readers can see these individuals for what they are.

  6. Jenna says:

    If the fuel gets stale after some time, then how is it that some narcs marry and remain married for decades?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Devaluation and respite, repeat.

      1. Scout says:

        Devaluation, respite, repeat. This is how my parents conducted their ‘marriage’ for nearly 30 yrs. I wasn’t going to repeat that experience in my so- called relationship, hence with a second discard on the horizon, I walked.

        1. HG Tudor says:


        2. Jenna says:

          Scout, in your parent’s situation what did the deval look like? I ask because i know my ex will get married in about 2-5 yrs or so. His family expects it of him and will coerce him until he does. It makes me a little jealous that his future wife will be spending time with him daily. When i used to ask for his time, he would often future fake. I would like to have some idea what she has in store for her.

          1. Scout says:

            Hi Jenna. I replied to your query which has been posted further down the list of posts. I should have followed the original post to reply to you directly!

          2. Jenna says:

            Scout, not a problem. I saw your reply. Thank you!

      2. Geminimom says:

        I am an example of that. So I look back of one week great then three weeks confusion/ chaos and me fixing and blaming the wrong people that my husband pointed fingers at. Narc husband used the kids mostly. Unbelievable. I’m aware now.

        1. Jenna says:

          Geminimom, he used the kids?! Awful!

  7. 1jaded1 says:

    I picture a trap door just before the gate and a handle being thrown. Instead, we go to hell…if either place exists.

    1. Indy says:

      Yeah Jaded1! Or Limbo! “How low can you go?” 🎉

  8. Indy says:

    I never asked to be snorted, smoked, or devoured.

    I never set out to be your savior.

    I never particularly liked heights.

    I never failed, you did.

    Thus I left. I always do.

  9. CJ says:

    I, the empath, recognized you!

    That is why we were close to heaven than never farther from it..

    I see you, feel you, know you, anticipate, expect, but Do I come/return for you or for me?

    After a point it’s a game, there isn’t any hope left your ID is obvious and pathetic, that but it’s confirmation, strengthening, a feeding of the empaths awareness, to recognize the emptiness, hallowness, and to play the narcs own game against watch them believe you, think they have control, only to surprise them with the fact they have none!

    1. Patricia says:

      YES CJ! What a surprise that can be to turn their own tactics back on them!

  10. Scout says:

    I re-read this trying to grapple with the mindset of a narc and his idea of a ‘relationship’ based on your blog HG. This is not a criticism, but if I understand NPD correctly, narcs look for a primary partner who must willingly accept the narcs (appalling) behaviour, infidelity/triangulation with a view never to leave the narc, as the primary source is the fallback figure that provides the narc with his main lifeline, validation and existence. In tandum to this idea is that the narc needs a secondary source for his quick fix of pleasure and validation because, although he needs his primary source, he’s bored with her.
    Whether this be the case or not, the whole dynamic of a ‘relationship’ with an NPD sufferer, is unacceptable and unsustainable. A ‘relationship’ based on infatuation and fantasy is absurd and is nothing more than the stuff of teenage imaginings… Imo.

    1. Love says:

      True Scout. I just learned a new word.
      Limerence: a state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person and typically includes obsessive thoughts and fantasies and a desire to form or maintain a relationship with the object of love and have one’s feelings reciprocated.

      I wonder if this is what most people involved with a narc feel. I can greatly relate to this word.

      1. Scout says:

        Thank you for your post Love. I’ve never heard of Limerence. I shall have to acquaint myself with the term. Just one thing; I’m suggesting the fantasist is the narc not us. My fault, I should have been clearer in my wording.

        1. Love says:

          No, you were totally clear, Scout. I was just very excited about my new word and wanted to share.

          1. Scout says:

            I’m glad you did. 😊

      2. Twilight says:

        I know of some that this love turns to unrequited love. A greater did this to someone I know, it took her a long time before she faced not only the truth (coming here) but the truth within herself (the why).
        She is here, she reads and she is gaining knowledge. From the ashes beauty is springing forth!

        I adore HG for many reasons, this is but one. He helped her see not only the truth of things, but she sees how beautiful she truly is now

  11. ISeeYou says:

    You said so much with that yawn. Hahaha! Sucka

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Here’s the thing though; anybody reading your posts can see how utterly deluded you are. Thus anyone can see your comment lacks any credibility whatsoever. Here’s another thing – your deluded ramblings won’t be appearing any further. You’ve been given repeated opportunities, but fucked it up.

      1. Love says:

        Oh wow, ICU got permanently 86’d?!? (The American term for being forever banned from a dance club). I will miss her. There is always one crazy blogger here. Maybe they should all come back for a reunion.
        Mr. Tudor, why do some bloggers think you are actually a woman (or 2)? I’ve read that a few times and it puzzles me.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No. I will continue to remove all of the incessant posts which contain nonsense, conspiracy theories, libel and repeated links to odd Hispanic rap videos, FB profiles, conspiracy theory websites and a whole host more which has nothing to do with this blog. The other ramblings which may have had some relevance will also be removed.

          Next to nobody thinks I am female. A handful theorised that at the outset of the blog but nobody has suggested that for a long time (most likely because they have recognised my style of writing and have heard me speak in interviews, on YouTube and in consultations). Every so often somebody suggests that I post under more than one name on the comments. That is completely incorrect. I post under my name and my name alone. I am entirely content to swear an affidavit to that effect. Indeed, if someone was so stupid as to maintain this so that legal proceedings arose, all evidence provided in court would entirely support my position and destroy theirs. What is amusing to me Love is that the only ones whoever suggest this are:-

          1. Those who lose arguments with me;
          2. Those who are cantankerous with fellow posters (I am not saying all those who are cantankerous make this allegation – but all those who make the allegation are cantankerous);
          3. Those who propound deluded arguments;
          4. Those who one can see have a lose grip on reality.

          There is no need for me to post under a separate name. I am HG Tudor.

          1. Love says:

            It is a fine name ❤

          2. Jenna says:

            “… nonsense, conspiracy theories, libel and repeated links to odd Hispanic rap videos, FB profiles, conspiracy theory websites… ”
            Pple post such things?!! 😳

          3. HG Tudor says:

            Either do or attempt to do so. These all came from one source.

          4. Jenna says:

            The nonsense you have to put up with! I feel for you! But then again, your ipps has to put up with your nonsense during deval. The one that stands out in my mind is you screaming in her ear when she cries, in order to mock her. So maybe i don’t feel for you after all! Lol!

          5. Indy says:

            Hi HG,

            The statement “I am HG Tudor” made me giggle a little. I could hear my ex saying, “Do you know who I am? I am XX XX!”

            Yeah, I do not know how you moderate here without loosing it sometimes. I have lost my patience with some of those nonsensical, seemingly insane posts. I find myself wondering, are they really as insane as their comments make them seem (and in need of help), under the influence of some substance, or just some fuel feeder that likes to mess with people here for the drama and reaction of it all.

            I do think, you have been very fair in what you do allow through, in a “freedom of expression” and low bar for censorship. And there is a line. That line is crossed, in my humble, when the integrity of your message of the blog is compromised. Those of us that have been here a while know you and your style and weed out the crap easily though I do feel concern for newbies that are in true need of guidance and leave when reading such BS.

            Do what you have to do! DEET works well too 😉 Still hoping for narcissist repellant to be developed soon.


          6. HG Tudor says:

            Thank you Indy the Marcher.

          7. Indy says:

            I actually haven’t marched in a while…a couple months…hahaha
            I used to march in a marching band as well. Good grief. I am a marcher.

          8. HG Tudor says:

            A marching band, with a uniform?

          9. Indy says:

            yep. I was in a marching band, spats, hat feather and all. Jazz band too.

          10. HG Tudor says:

            Hell yeah

          11. Indy says:

            Ha, I had “cool” written all over me. Band, math team, weird uniforms. Yet, I hung out with the rebels. Yep. It was the PERFECT disguise to get away with murder! Look innocent, play hard, get away with it! Geez, sounds like the narcissists motto!

          12. MLA - Clarece says:

            I can see you liking the band geeks! Lol

          13. NarcAngel says:

            I see him stuffing them in lockers and putting baby powder in their horns.

          14. NarcAngel says:

            Related to a different post-perhaps your young physicist daughter could prepare a tub full of oobleck for HG. He will be convinced he can walk on water (actually a non-newtonian fluid) More suited to our highbrow host and maybe the other kids havent discovered it yet.

          15. MLA - Clarece says:

            If it meant she could make enough slime to fill a bathtub for “British Darth Vader” (she’s heard his voice when I’ve been listening to the occasional audio), it would be a dream come true. She just got glasses a few weeks ago. I totally see her becoming a future Bernadette from Big Bang in a few more years.

          16. superxena says:

            Hello Indy!
            I can see you marching with feathers Lol…So you really ARE Indy the Marcher!!!!!

          17. Indy says:

            Yep! Marched for 8 years lol

          18. superxena says:

            8 years that sounds long!!! So,you really have “The Marcher” spirit in you !!!

          19. NarcAngel says:


            Oh dear. You can move on from the embarassment of being entangled with a Narcissist, but your reputation can never recover from being a spat wearing, feather doffed, thruster of batons. Please tell me there was no internet.

          20. Indy says:

            Ehem, no baton 😂 I was a trumpeter! Lol and thank my lucky stars there was no Internet. Only floppy disks

          21. NarcAngel says:

            Great. So you were also known for blowing on things and not wearing a bra. Its no wonder you chose therapy lol.

          22. Indy says:

            It’s no wonder I had my son at 18!

      2. Khaleesi says:

        Thank you, HG.

      3. Judge judy says:

        I think we need to see that sworn affidavit 😂😄😁

        1. HG Tudor says:

          People in glass houses springs to mind with you!

      4. Twilight says:

        I do believe the grace period is now over.
        HG you do make my life look so much easier to deal with when I come here and see what you deal with.
        God knows I am thankful you are who YOU are, cause there is none that could pull this together and make it work like you!!

        1. HG Tudor says:

          You are welcome.

      5. Judge judy says:

        Court adjourned! 👤

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha, there are no adjournments in the court of Tudor – send her down!

      6. 12345 says:

        I must say, HG, your patience has been exemplary. I try to imagine ISeeYou attempting to communicate with others in daily life and I can’t imagine what it’s like. And who tries to figure out who you respond to the most? I’m risking my job just keeping up with the blog and the comments! As our dear Whitney Houston once said “crack is whack”. You’ve given her far more rope than most would.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Thank you 12345.

      7. abrokenwing says:

        @ Indy-‘ I was a trumpeter !’

        Did you actually?😃
        I played the French horn in our school girls orchestra 😂 .
        Hard work performing in full uniform while marching in a parades 😅

        1. NarcAngel says:

          Well it was no picnic playing the skin flute in the locker rooms either and we didnt get a uniform! (thank god).

        2. Indy says:

          How cool! A fellow trumpet player!! Yeah, I played marching band, orchestra and jazz band. From age 10 to 17ish. More like 7 years, I now realize. Yes, playing in full uniform, old school uniforms with wool. I actually purchased my original instrucment, a coronet, at age 9 when my parents refused to let me take drums due to the noise. I say a coronet at a yard sale, a really sweet antique. I bought it for $50 and came home with a big impish grin! You think drums are noisy, try a 10 year old with a horn!! Hahahaha

    2. Patricia says:

      ISeeYou I’m wondering if you are ok? Your posts are concerning and it seems you are struggling badly with I just don’t know what?

    3. Looks like we won’t “SeeYou” anymore. Ty HG!

    4. 1jaded1 says:

      I hope you get help. I haven’t read all of your posts. I hope you have peace in your life. I say this because of things that happened in the past plus dealings with my ex.

  12. ISeeYou says:

    Seriously compare the writing style between HG and “K”, its pretty damn similar. He responds the most to that person, and even asks questions of “her.” It’s either a narc tag team using triangulation or its the same person. I’m betting it’s the same person.

    I’ve known quite a few women who make fake Facebook profiles or instagram accounts just to like their own pics and flirt with themselves in order to play up the jealousy card. It’s funny to watch 🤗

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Seriously, compare all of I See You’s posts and you can see the similarity of delusion.

    2. K says:


      I am flattered that you think we have similar writing styles and thank you for reading my posts.

    3. MLA - Clarece says:

      You’ve never gone back to the beginning to see the number of comments, questions, and back and forth HG and I have had.
      K is her own individual.

      1. HG Tudor says:

        Thank you Clarece.

      2. K says:

        Ditto, Clarece.

    4. giulia says:

      Ah ah…no way….ICU….I think you are obsessed with HG and jealous of k, for whatever reason…take it easy

  13. ISeeYou says:

    You all want to be considered babies? Huh?

    And “K” I think you’re the same person as HG. 😂 lmfao!

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. superxena says:

        OMG ..what was that comment about??? “You all want to be babies”???? Sorry ..I just couldn’ t hold myself…

    2. K says:


      Positive fuel!

    3. Sarah says:

      Maybe you’re HG – as a triangulation piece, seeing who we side with.

      Maybe it’s Maybelline.

      Maybe I fancy a scotch egg.

  14. ISeeYou says:

    Also, what’s wrong with that picture?

    You’re talking about seduction and shit oozing into orifaces… and you put a picture of a baby’s hand grabbing a man’s finger?


    1. Sarah says:


      Maybe it’s God’s hand (the narcissist), reaching out to the pitiful (empath’s) hand… saying “There is no better peace than of this path, and of this ilk, other than that of being with me”.

      Disclaimer: I am not religious in the slightest.

  15. Heaven sent says:

    I do wonder if narcissists suffer from pathological lonliness much like codependants. This meaning if they dont have people around to validate and fill their days they start to fear the lonliness of being with themselves and feeling a loss of identity.
    It amazes me how similiar narcs and codependants are yet so different in how they cope.
    It wouldnt matter is the fuel remained constant at the same intensity itd never be enough. The fuel is a drug which they need more and more. It loses its potency and boredom sets in which causes unease and blame.

    1. Sarah says:

      Rarher than feeling the loss of their identity, wouldn’t they be revealing their true identities by being alone? I thought this was their fear. Their identities are mirrored, through ours. To just be a mere mortal sickens them.
      I agree though – we are very, very, similar… else there would be no chemistry.

      1. Sarah says:

        Rarher rah ah ahh rarher rah ah ahh…

        Want your Bad Romance.

      2. Heaven sent says:

        Hi sarah…over time theyd reveal and develop their own identities if they were forced to depend on themselves to do so i would think. Theyd have to face any issues from the past and real life not seen thru other people. Much like the codependant that loses their identity to a narcissist once they go no contact and learn to depend on themselves they learn who they are. It requires facing some not do nice truths like the fact you werent who you lied to yourself you were. That you are weak and lack qualities that make a person admirable and strong. For a narc theyd probably go thru turmoil and panic then depression. Hopefully afterwards theyd learn to find out who they are. When you havent been your own person tho its like starting from square one figuring out over time who am i. Im sure its way more complex than i understand im just going by my own situation as a codependant.
        Pathological lonliness is an intense fear to be on your own and face who you are. That fear is so intense many look for other people to validate them constantly and help build their false construct.

        1. Sarah says:

          Why does there always seem to be this ‘need’ to have an identity. “I know who I am”… “I’ve found myself” etc. One if the biggest cons in life is that we do not have true identities – we’re a mixture of who brought us up, friends, strangers and random experiences. I don’t want to know ‘who I am’, I just want to achieve satisfaction from one moment to the next, so that this crazy world seems bareable. That could include helping an old lady with shopping across the street or murdering a neighbour who keeps pissing you off. We are all different, with skewed perceptions – the only thing we do have that never lies is our natural instincts and reactions thereafter.

      3. Heaven sent says:

        One thing that does mystify me is narcissists like HG that have talents like writing, acting, singing etc. Why do they need validation from others? Unless its the same inner child issues unresolved. If i had a incredible talent like writing jd be filled with so much satisfaction from within that in itself would cause me great happiness and confidance. I wouldnt need any validation. That of course would be coming from someone who wasnt struggling with their past. Still the talent and feeling of satisfaction would be a huge validator.

        1. Sarah says:

          Hi Heaven Sent,
          For some, there would be no point in having a talent if there wasn’t an audience to marvel in it all. Then there are people with fantastic talents who choose to do them privately and no-one ever gets to see them. Some people get more of a buzz out of the reactions of others and need that validation to make them feel like they exist and are worthy. Yes, probably childhood unresolves. I understand the need for fuel but I’m like you, I don’t need validation. I much prefer my own company too, and can go weeks without feeling the need to be around someone for any particular reason. But there’s still the TV, music, the books I read that people write, and the need to sit and watch people going about their lives, for reflection purposes I suppose.
          ‘No man is an island’

  16. Twilight says:

    The lifeblood……

    1. 1jaded1 says:

      Aka fuel.

      1. Twilight says:

        lol the next man I go out on a date with I am going to ask how he likes his lifeblood – on tap or from the bottle

        1. 1jaded1 says:

          LOl, I ever date again, which I won’t, I will tell him my lifeblood is A negative…take it or leave it.

          1. Twilight says:

            Lol now that is funny!

  17. EVB says:

    That’s exactly what I asked him when he discarded me after 15 months straight after I was called by his wife who informed me she was pregnant – he had always maintained he was Separated. I apologised to her , congratulated him & said goodbye. He told me there was no chance he’d be happy and that his life was now over. He said he’d been a foolish little boy with me and that the previous 15 months with me had meant nothing at all – it was her .. always had been & always would be. She wanted to know all the details of what, when, where etc. He told me if I told her she would come after me. Probably told her the same about me. Triangulation at its finest. I went NC immediately. He tries daily to get my attention but to me he just doesn’t and can’t exist anymore for my own protection.

  18. shantily says:

    Grooming ….we are better to see it as grooming HG just like you said .. do you ever shake your own head and say to yourself I’m just devaluing her and I may be wrong about this situation? (Because you are aware of what you’re doing) I’m laughing as I’m writing this but you never know insight is foresight ? Probably not Lol

  19. K says:

    You had my heart and all my love, my hopes, dreams, joys, smiles, and admiration. We shared so many tender and passionate moments. I worshipped, adored and idealised you. Ours was a match that was forged in heaven. Our immortal union was in touching distance. I had you at the gates of heaven. You were so important to me because you provided the love that allowed me to draw in even more love. Our love was so brilliant and blinding that it was pure ecstasy. I gave you the world. I took you to heaven and because of your failings we had never been closer to heaven and then we had never been further away. Why did you do it to me?

  20. Christine Coughlin says:

    Interesting concept. They put you so high on a pedestal only to be knocked down when you no longer fill their needs. It’s disgusting. It’s basically how a cat plays with a mouse. Not cool…because you know what happens to the mouse.

  21. Sarah says:

    Because I’ve been reading HG Tudor’s books and he told me to do it.

  22. abrokenwing says:

    The abuse became unbearable I suppose.

  23. Mona says:

    Why do you talk to an object?

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