20 Cries of the Victim



We do not think of ourselves as victims, to do so would be weak and we are not weak. You are. We are better than you. We do however feel put upon, hard done by and persecuted and it is you that does these things in order to victimise us. Evidencing our legendary double standards, we do not consider ourselves as victims as this does not accord with our sense of superiority, but we like to portray a victim mentality because doing so serves our purposes. There are many things that we say which evidence this mentality and when you hear them you should know that we are looking for you to respond. We want reassurance, praise, an admission of fault from you, confirmation that we are brilliant, an apology and for you to do what we want you to do. Playing the victim card allows us to gain fuel from sympathy and compassion, assistance when we do not want to do something, absolution from responsibility and preventing you from doing something we do not want you to do. Here are twenty cries of apparent victimhood.

  1. You make my life so difficult.
  2. Why are you treating me like this?
  3. You never try to understand me,
  4. What about me?
  5. What am I going to do now?
  6. How’s that supposed to make me feel?
  7. You are meant to look after me.
  8. It’s not my fault.
  9. I can’t help the way I am.
  10. Why must you be so difficult with me over this?
  11. You never listen to me.
  12. You always make it about you, never about me.
  13. You never do what I want.
  14. You don’t love me like you should.
  15. You never do what I want.
  16. You never let me speak.
  17. You always treat me like a fool.
  18. You are the reason for all of my problems.
  19. You are trying to ruin my life.
  20. Why do you do this to me?

Watch out for these comments from our kind because they are the foreshadowing of further manipulation of you.

31 thoughts on “20 Cries of the Victim

  1. Daylight says:

    Was married to him for two and a half weeks all I could stand made me feel crazy.
    I have the text of him running me down then saying I was the best thing that ever happened to him then saying I ruined him then he loved me more than I did him.

  2. mistynolan01 says:

    “Go ahead. Blame me. It’s ALWAYS my fault.”
    Said in faux-hurt voice, straight face, while knowing he accepts no responsibility for anything.

  3. Debbie says:

    ‘You are making it impossible for me’

    ‘You don’t just cut someone off after 4 years!’

    ‘What am I supposed to do with all my pictures on my phone!?’

    ‘You just don’t care and you’re being heartless’

    (During escape)

    1. Debbie says:

      Oh and saying to me
      “Its always absolutes with you!”

      1. OmG, lol!!!!!

  4. Always-and-never-Statements… and other formulations of things being absolutely this or that… Black and White painting…
    The narc I was involved with often wrote: “I need it uncomplicated! But you have to make things difficult! You always have to make it complicated!”
    “You are a paranoid! You are ALWAYS controlling me because you’ve got NOTHING else to do!”

  5. Jenna says:

    “I’m sorry i said those things yesterday but sometimes i just can’t help it”

    “Why do you do this to me?”

    “You’re controlling my mind”

    “You’re occupying my mind”

  6. giulia says:

    So…fthdr got bronchitis last week.
    He had me, my sister and my aunt get crazy around him.
    Friday he wanted the priest for the last rites….needless to say he’s still around.
    The cleaning woman asked me how my father was, I said I didn’t know. He acted very ill but he’s been lying so much about his health that I had no idea if it’s something real or all fake.
    She agreed with me, she knew what I was talking about.
    He’s been saying he will die soon since I can remember…3…4…years old.
    And “you do as I say till I die, then you are free”.

  7. diabonita says:

    Cuz duh!


  8. Brian says:

    Times a narcissist is most likely to pounce and provoke:
    When someone had an unfortunate incident such as falling over. -More likely to get an emotional reaction.
    After someone has helped the narcissist do something- the outrage at having being berated after just helping, is fuel.
    Are there any more?

  9. shantily says:

    Well that explains why he was always screaming at me “I’m not a f&cking victim why are you saying I’m a victim you and you’re ex always talking about being a victim I’m NOT A VICTIM ?!!!!”

    Me: because you’re claiming you are ????

    Victim =criticism. Got it 👌🏼

  10. Siobhan G. says:

    How can you and us both be victims? My ex never acted like a victim, more a conquerering control freak!!

  11. suestubbings says:

    I must admit your kind are so very clever … right up to the point that we understand your tricks and see you for what you are … sweet revenge that you will never feel authentic feelings of love or affection since your mimicry is all you have and its not real ……. tragic.

    Thank you for your posts HG they are so very enlightening and insightful and helped me to make a whole lot of sense!

  12. sue says:

    I have to admit that your kind are so very clever right up to the point of us finding out what your tricks are and going no contact.. but once the secret is out you can’t have any hold on us sweet revenge … as you will never feel authentic feelings of love and affection … so tragic ….

  13. Listful Dahlia says:

    Yup this is 100% correct. I just discovered on my phone last night that I had recorded a part of his final rage. He was ranting about how it’s all about me and I never listen. Meanwhile, I make no sound.

    1. AH OH says:

      I recorded him also, hoping if he heard himself he would realize how he behaved. He knew all along how he behaves. Now if I were to listen to the ranting, I think it would disgust me that I let it happen. The day it happened my son asked me if I was really that pathetic to let someone talk to me this way. It really was short lived but enough to see how horrible a narc is.

      1. Listful Dahlia says:

        It’s a good thing your son was straight to the point about that. The narc is just so crazy that it’s hard for the victim to even process what is happening right in front of them. I wish I had recorded the entire thing because it was much worse that the part I captured but I was too scared of making him more angry.

        I had never heard such horrible verbal abuse in my life until my narc said those things to me. It’s shocking to the point of total confusion.

        1. AH OH says:

          I only recorded part of it and did not capture the worst of it. But it was near the end of the interaction with him. And he was not worth one moment of my time. Weak broken and boring.

      2. shantily says:

        I did the same Lol I thought if he saw sober what he’d done he’d change …but the least of his problems were alcoholism. I had sent him pictures of my bruises and cuts and black eyes and a video of me sobbing picking glass out of my feet …

        His response? You are never to come here again thanks for the pics.

        Thanks for the pics

        Ya 🖤

        1. AH OH says:

          Shantily! NEVER NEVER let a man or anyone hit you again! Fucking beat the hell out of them if they do. I have never had a man put his hands on me as an adult. My first husband shook me after I beat on his chest and I was eight months pregnant, and I went crazy. They tempted but then the crazy came out and my eyes caught fire, and they realized it would be a bad bad scene. I am crazy, and this crazy protected me. I have had a few run from me.
          Do not say Go on, get froggy with me as I will jump. I am mature now and not as fast nor will I hit as hard but I will only have the thought of ripping your juggler vein out with my teeth if I am defense mood.
          Just typing this has heighten my senses. WOW!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            The ignition of fury.

          2. AH OH says:

            The surge. I shake right before the release.
            Walls, windows, objects broken. Do you know what i learned from this? It cost money to fix it. I now sweep the counter if there are unbreakable things on it. Like a box of cereal.
            I did tell my son last week I was going to stab him in the heart if he said once more he did not eat the salad for lunch that day. I was insisting he did and he was right, he had not. We laugh as he knows I am crazy. He said I am always trying to off him. I always admit if I am mistaken. So I say I am sorry for saying I am going to kill him. He loves me and I love him too.

          3. shantily says:

            Trust me AH OH I got a few good ones in myself, rattled some of his teeth, but that’s just not who I want to be. That will never happen to me again for as long as I live. I felt I was under a trance or something it was just completely bizarre. He’s a disgusting excuse for a human – thank you for being so angry in my defence. It’s not even the beatings that are disturbing I mean of course they are ! it’s the lack of culpability, the stone cold killer stare “could give a shit about what I’ve done” I have no mercy ..that freaks me out … and I can just picture an 8 month pregnant woman defending herself! Don’t mess with Mama bear ..sometimes you need your crazy ! Lol xo thank you 😊

        2. Jenna says:

          Shantily, that’s horrible.

          1. shantily says:

            Aw thanks Jenna I’m sure we have all have stories similar to mine – I’m actually toying with the idea of writing a book to share my story, at least it would be cathartic if nothing else. If only one person reads it and it helps that person ?? it would be worth it. My abuser works in Mental Health field in my country. He was supposed to be helping me heal from a previous relationship with a man that had narcissistic tendencies… imagine ? Talk about betrayal of trust. 💔

          2. Shantily, that could be a very good idea! Last year I started my blog about the experiences I went through, living as the dirty little secret of narcisisstically disturbed man. I didn’t expect anyone to read it. But there are persons commenting on my website and contacting ne via sms, encouraging me, sharing their own experiences and so on. AND it helps immensely to gain part of your power back. To articulate yourself. To make the narcissist the OBJECT of your considerations, as he did in his interactions with you.
            The only problem: to conjure up memories and feelings is triggering and hurting. It doesn’t fit in the concept of No Contact as HG explains it in his book. But I for my part get along with that.
            I try to write about my experiences in a non-larmoyant, cool tone. Protocolling precisely… It is a great creative Process and, to be honest, I am thankful to my narcissist for having given me all those fascinating adventurous stories…
            Good luck!

          3. shantily says:

            Thank you for your feedback Ursula! I will definitely consider all of your suggestions and heed your warnings. That must an incredible feeling to speak to those who’ve reached out to you via your blog. I hope to someday feel grateful for my Narc experience as well. If I can’t reach the feeling of gratitude perhaps some day I can at least be at peace with it – God bless and thanks again xo

          4. Good luck, Shantily, once again. By the way, you and me, we are sitting in a similar boat, because I have to describe scenes of physical harassment and sexual violence probably similar to your experiences…
            Hugs, Ursula

          5. And, Shantily, if you really start to write your book or blog, I will gladly be one of your more than one readers!

          6. Jenna says:

            He works in the mental health field? The irony. Take care sweety and never accept physical violence.

  14. Yet again the distance closes between narc and empath. As victims we want the same things as you do but from our point of view it wouldn’t be about fuel I would be about justice and fairness.
    All of those statements I have said to myself about the narc. (Some I them I asked him out loud but most I just thought to myself)
    Another brilliant narc projection.
    Thank you HG.

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