Like a Motorway

LIKEAMOTORWAY

When I come along in my luxurious and expensive motor vehicle it is too difficult to resist that open passenger door and you hop in without hesitation. I won’t be taking you for a gentle drive through undulating countryside nor for a meandering excursion along the coast. No. It is straight to the motorway. You are pinned back in your seat by the sudden acceleration as we speed away. You let out a laugh, delighted by the surge of excitement as I move straight into the fast lane and the speedometer needle climbs as we go faster and faster. It is exhilarating to be driven along by such a confident and masterful driver.

The motorway I take you on has been purpose built for me. It cuts through the landscape, not going around or under or over but straight through. There are no obstacles for my motorway. It is direct and effective. Its construction bludgeoned everything else out of the way as it made its mark on everything around it. Nothing could stop it as mile after mile it stretched across the land. Nothing gets in the way of my motorway.

You marvel at how quickly it takes you to so many different places. You smile as you press your nose to the glass and watch the signs flash past ‘Desire’,’Heaven’,’Excitement’ and ‘Delight’ are all signposted. My motorway takes you to these places in a matter of moments and no sooner have we visited one place then we are back on my motorway, speeding through the night to the next location. The motorway takes us direct to the best restaurants, the most exotic destinations, the concerts where it enables us to drive right up to the front of the stage and the hitherto exclusive and difficult places you always tried to reach are suddenly in front of you, all courtesy of this expansive motorway network.

My motorway never has traffic jams, is free of roadworks and always takes the most direct route to the destination. It is breath-taking how fast we travel along it, yet you always feel safe, content in the knowledge that I am taking care of you on this modern and well-maintained transport route.

Occasionally you see people that you recognise stood on the hard shoulder. Some of your family who watch as we speed by. You see your friends who are parked to one side as we race along. You raise a hand to wave to them but it is too late. We have already rushed by them leaving them far behind, just a passing blur. You are not concerned however as you see the next sign detailing our destination and the anticipation rises as you await your arrival at this glamorous place. All thoughts of family, friends and supporters have been left behind, as quickly as we drove past them.

Sometimes you think you see a warning sign flash on one of the overhead gantries but I am driving so fast along this wide motorway that you cannot be sure.

“Did that say danger ahead?” you ask as we zip underneath another illuminated sign.

“Oh it just a routine test, you do not need to worry about that,” I smile and you are instantly reassured. You settle back in your seat as the world and your life flashes by but you are too focussed on what lies ahead at the next destination to worry about what is passing you by. This is the ride of your life and you never want it to stop.

The car suddenly brakes to a halt. Tyres squeal and smoke drifts past as the vehicle violently stops. You lurch forward in your seat and almost bang your head on the dashboard. Disorientated you right yourself as the passenger door opens.

“Out you get,” I instruct. The smile is gone and is now replaced by a face you barely recognise as I stare ahead.

“Sorry? What?” you splutter in confusion.

“Time to go. You need to go that way,” I state aggressively and point behind you.

“What do you mean? Why have we stopped? I don’t understand,” you protest.

“Out!Out! Out! ” I bark and suddenly frightened you scramble out of the car and stand trembling on the tarmac.

“Your life is back that way,” I add as the passenger door slams shut and you watch as I roar off up a slip road next to a large sign saying “Fuel this way”.

You watch me disappear from view and then turn to face the silent and empty motorway which stretches away into the far distance. You start walking, confused and upset.

The walk back to your life is just like my motorway.

Dark grey and long.

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22 Comments

  1. Funnily enough, my first narc used the motorway analogy when he left me for another. He said it was as if he’d been trundling along a dusty trunk road throughout our marriage and had suddenly spied a bright shiny motorway, and the thrill of it had made him see what he’d been missing.

    Even funnier… after he sped off into the distance leaving me stranded, I had to work to find my way back, and got a job in the council highway department dealing with, of all things… trunk roads and motorways.

  2. I don’t know whether to feel relieved or hard done to that I was never treated to the love bombing trip down the motorway.

    He was rather too fond of telling me he didn’t love me…but hoped he would one day. Far from him driving me to high class restaurants, I had to drive him, and it always had to be a lowly BOGOF eatery. No petrol station flowers for me though… oh no, he treated me to the wilted end of the day supermarket reduced ones. Sex… if you can call it that, was all for his pleasure, never mine. He didn’t even want to take up all my time seeing me.. unless he wanted taking somewhere. He got his fuel from bantering with me on public forums as he deemed me to be popular, and being the pathetic narc he is, he fed off his association with me.

    The reason he didn’t have to put in an ounce of effort is because I told him I loved him even before we got together. I had been his confidante during the on/off relationship with his ex…. something I found excruciatingly painful.

    I felt hard done to and used, and was of course heartbroken, but with hindsight I think I’ve been very lucky, as my fall wasn’t from a great height.

    1. How damn bad and dangerous are they? My god! There’s absolutely nothing in it for anyone interacting with them. Nothing!
      The minute you decide they mean something to you then you’re in trouble. They must mean nothing if you’re to survive.
      Luckily I fought off all attempts at fostering dependency in me toward them. Largely easy when they screw everything up anyway. No values means no success.
      The more I read the more I feel pure hatred. I wish they were dead.
      I would get so low and desperate from abuse and my mother would just change the subject to show how worthless my dreams were. I always blamed myself and the world. She got a thrill out of the fact nobody would ever defend me.
      Luckily my anger fed my career drive and I triumphed.

    1. Hi HG
      When I ask other narc relatives about my own family, they often say “it is in her biology” or “it’s her way.”
      Can you post about your energy (rather than self esteem) and health so we can understand the biological state?
      I’m trying to untangle my own natural biology, and remember several instances where my mother sort of wove me into her energy until I took it on. I recall she was attracted to stereotypes or stories or rewards, and she would adopt these and her energy would change entirely.

      If I felt at all bad she would just override my bad feelings all together. Didn’t want to know. Unless they resembled her own.

  3. Wow. I had a completely different experience. I thoroughly used the narcissist to enhance my values by letting go of fear and social norms to achieve my path. Each one of them told me I’m different but (sorry Hg) I believe it to be true in spite of your blogs. I had a very clear mission since I was born to tell the truth and improve the world. THAT’S why they always give me that surprised, disdainful look then jump for my approval. I’ve given them a special role. I finally get it. And why they tried to discard me but I continued waiting for them to see. We are all one.

  4. I am feeling this right now. He’s gone. Yet, I wish I could reach him.I know exactly where he is. To me he is still gone, long gone. In the wind. I don’t miss him. I miss an illusion. He did everything you post about. Everything. I am so thankful to be alive. But I still live in constant fear. I hope I forget him.

  5. Very good analogy indeed! The cold brutality of the finale is perfectly captured.

    Thankfully though, motorways traverse both ways. My car might be a bit battered and not as powerful as some but my foot is totally flooring the accelerator on my return back to the destination called life.

    Of course, making the odd stop for refuelling at HGT Service stations along the way 😀

  6. This concept is brilliant. What a great read.

    I’m walking back to where I used to belong, passing the shedded skins of who I used to be, one by one. It’s dark and grey, but there’s a lighthouse beacon in the distance. My anxiety fades in and out, twisting like a pivotal turn around the fear of your ghost. My legs, heavy, as they walk back through the fog of lies you exhaled in my path, sinking my dreams like quicksand.
    A light blinds me. It burns through my eyes as the pressure intensifies, causing floaters and sparkles. The lighthouse beacon!? The lighthouse beacon!? I keep repeating it but the words do not leave my mouth.
    Suddenly, darkness.
    The silhouette of your face appears almost against the will of the flickering dome light of your car, passenger door ajar.

  7. I was on this ride for 25 years when 4 days before Christmas it all came to a screeching halt, he filed for divorce. It was the best Christmas gift he’s ever given me. I had been with him since I was 19 years old. I’m on the road back to my friends and family that he’s alienated along the way. I’ll find my way to a life without him too.

      1. Why thank you HG. I appreciate your kind words. I am me, I don’t care if you like me, I don’t care if you hate me, I don’t care about many things now and I can recognise the love for myself now which has opened up a new world. I can appreciate my achievements even though they were not appreciated by my parents and that is because I do not seek approval outside of self anymore. I am not second guessing what other people think of me as what they think.of me is none of my business. Don’t get me wrong I am polite and do not go out to harm people but just try and double cross me then I will pull you up for it and let you explain your bad choice of character to mess with. This world is now beautiful. I am learning to live in peace now and for the first time in my life enjoy a real relationship which equates to fantastic sex so far 😉
        This experience as I have said has healed me, it took a lot of hard work with numerous professionals for short periods of time but wow! to see what I have been missing. So no more red apples for me. Polish my halo and here it comes, jog on narc 😄 Phew! Essay over. Take care all.

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