5 Narcissistic Myths



I always read views propounded about me and my kind, with considerable interest. I see many intelligent and well-reasoned observations about what we do and why we do it. Many carry considerable force. Other views are purely driven by the understandable anger and hurt that is engendered in people by us, although as I have repeatedly sought to explain, when one operates through emotion, poor decisions are made and the clear picture is not observed. I also come across comments which are made about us which are inaccurate. I am not referring to the disagreement one might have in terms of an ad hominem attack against us. Many people consider us to be arseholes and bastards. I understand that viewpoint, many of my kind would disagree, but it is not that kind of value judgement that makes its way to becoming a myth about us. There are other more important misconceptions. As part of my ongoing work in explaining what we are, why we do what we do and your involvement in this narcissistic dynamic, it is just as important to explain what we are as detail what we are not. With that purpose in mind, I turn to five myths about our kind.

  1. We have no emotions


This view has gained some traction owing to the fact that my kind function with a considerable emptiness inside of us. The existence of this void can cause people to believe that because we are a shell and a husk that we are devoid of emotions. The fact that we feed off other people’s emotions also supports the view that we have none of our own. We need to steal the emotions that other people experience to enable us to feel.

The fact is that we do experience and feel certain emotions. We experience annoyance, anger and rage. Indeed, the churning fury which is always there beneath the surface, ready to be ignited, is a prevailing emotion of ours. We know boredom, disgust and loathing. We are very familiar with jealousy, envy, shame and hatred. Malice, malevolence, anticipation, contempt, aggression and power are further ones. Our stable of emotions is dominated by negative emotions. These are the ones which have been allowed to develop and that is because the force behind these emotions has been harnessed to allow us to achieve our aims. Our hatred for being devoid of fuel, drives us on to extract it. Our disgust at weakness causes us to always want to maintain superiority and strength. It is these emotions which make us effective and ruthless.

By contrast we do not experience joy or happiness, sadness or regret, serenity or love, remorse or guilt. These are alien to us along with others. We either have never known them or they have been stripped from us in order to allow us to operate with greater effectiveness, free from encumbrance and hindrance. We understand emotions because we want yours directed towards us. We understand how to mimic them and we understand when they should be exhibited (although some of our kind are better at this than others) but ultimately we do experience some emotions, just nowhere near as much as you.

  1. Copying us infuriates us


No it does not. If we are angry with you and shouting, if you decide to mirror this behaviour, all you are doing is providing us with fuel. If you parrot what we say to you, if there is any emotion attached to it, even if it is said with sarcasm, a sneer or contempt, it is fuel. If you decide to fall silent because we have, we may realise that the silent treatment is not reaping the fuel that we expected, but it does not infuriate us. Instead, we will just switch to a different form of manipulation in order to cause you to provide us with fuel. You find it hard after a while to keep mirroring what we are doing, your emotional capacity is such that it usually breaks through in some form and thus fuel is provided. We also recognise what you are doing and if you are giving us fuel, we will let you continue to mirror us. If you are not, your mirroring is not a criticism therefore there is no wounding, but we will shift to a different behaviour to bring forth the fuel.

  1. We miss you when you are gone


No, we miss your fuel, not you. That is what we miss most of all. We may also miss the traits that we were able to steal from you and also the residual benefits that you provided. It is something that victims of our kind find very difficult to accept. Surely some of what we said and did was genuine? It seemed that way, so surely it must have been? It must be the case that we liked somethings that you did? We did; the fuel, the traits and the residual benefits. We did not care about whether you were humorous, save that your sense of humour was appropriated by us for the purpose of making us seem better with other people. The radiant smile is only missed because it gave us fuel. Your extensive knowledge about wine was again another trait which made us look better.

Not only is it only these things that we miss when you are gone, the simple fact remains that if we discarded you, we decided that you were no longer worth the effort in keeping around and in most cases, we had identified and seduced a replacement. With this person in place, we focus on them, only turning to you to dole out Malign Follow-Up Hoovers (or Benign ones later when the replacement begins to turn stale). There is little doubt that you loved us with everything that you had, that you thought the world of us and nobody could have done for us what you did, but that is all from your perspective. Once we have discarded you, that all counts for nothing. You became a malfunctioning appliance and you have been replaced. We miss nothing about you.

If you escape, we will miss the three items that I detailed above and indeed we will look to recover them through the Initial Grand Hoover and Follow-Up Hoovers but do not think that our protestations of being unable to live without you, how we cannot imagine another day with you and we miss you so much, have anything to do with you as a person. They do not. We are unable to live without your fuel, we cannot imagine another day without using your traits and miss your residual benefits so much. All of these declarations, pleas, begging gestures and so forth are only designed to recover the three principle reasons we attach you. You can tell yourself that we miss you terribly if it makes you feel better but you are misleading yourself.

  1. We hate being alone


We need people. There is no doubt about that. We need people because we need the three principle benefits, chief amongst which is fuel, but that is not the same as saying we hate to be alone. In this instance, there is a degree of truth in the above statement but it requires considerable qualification. If we have been well-fueled we are able to be alone, engage in solitary activities and spend time in our own company without difficulty. Of course, the longer this goes on, eventually our fuel level drops and we will need to seek out people, but we do not hate being alone in such a situation.

Furthermore, the advantages of technology mean that although we may not be physically proximate to somebody, the advantages of Skype, text messages, telephone calls and even hand-written letters allows us to be on our own but in contact with many fuel sources. Add to this Thought Fuel and you have a situation whereby we can be physically isolated but with such connections we can manage perfectly well extracting all of these variable fuel types.

Remove such connections however and in a situation when our fuel levels are already low and we are physically isolated with no means of contacting people and that is when you shall see that we hate to be alone.

  1. We have a conscience

We do not. We think only of ourselves, our needs and how each situation can benefit us. We may appear to exhibit a conscience in order to con people and this is something more witnessed with the Mid-Range and Greater Narcissist, in order to fit in to a situation and people’s expectations but we have been created without a need for a conscience. If we had one, we would not be able to trample on people in the way we do. We would not be able to always be moving forward, never caring for what has gone before us. If ever you witness a situation where one of our kind appears to have had our conscience pricked, all it means is that we see an advantage in pretending that this is the case and we wish to dupe you and others for our own benefit.

233 thoughts on “5 Narcissistic Myths

  1. shantily says:

    Hi HG would you please clarify this for me ? I’m trying to understand from your perspective what it’s like for you concerning emotions:

    ..you say there is no peace no ebb to the tide …no joys, no pleasure, is it a constant barrage of negative inner voices … unless you’re taking in positive or negative fuel ? Did you mean no joy or pleasure or happiness with people, relationships etc? Or do you mean you do NOT feel them at all ever ?

    An example could be as simple as sitting in your local cafe watching the people come and go …walking along a white sandy beach …driving your sports car on the autobahn…sitting in box seats listening to your favourite band ? When the symphony hits the crescendo ?? Alone or with others no positive emotions?

    Can you not derive pleasure and joy from inanimate things ? When you’re at home feet up on the couch flipping channels …are you in those moments still in a turmoil of negative emotion?

    it’s a huge question I know … thank you in advance 🙂

  2. Victoria says:

    Hi HG,
    I hope you are doing well and enjoying your weekend. One quick question If I may, when you state: “we cannot imagine another day without using your traits”
    Once the IPPS is discarded do they continue to use their traits or are they now using the traits of the new IPPS or they they keep all the traits from former discarded IPPS’s?
    Thank you Sir and have a great weekend.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      The new IPPS’ traits will be relied on.

  3. Joyce Navolynski says:

    Glad to say…I already figured this out for myself…😉 Interesting tone of superiority in this writing..

  4. Tara says:

    Speaking of conscience, why do some narcs think that they feel guilt and empathy? Are they confusing it with shame and cognitive empathy instead of emotional empathy?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      It is called manipulation.

      1. Violet says:

        You already said it’s because they lack insight. Were you lying?
        In any case I would answer the question by saying a narcissist has committed to the belief that life has cheated them and therefore it’s open slather. I don’t think narcissists lack insight. I think they make decisions without USING insight. Or character. This makes them look like they don’t understand their actions. They do.
        In the context of the world being dog eat dog, particularly in relationships, they believe they are being generous to you, by being there. Because nothing is guaranteed in the jungle.
        It is their worldview that you won’t change and therefore your participation in any exchange with them is a loss.
        DONT feel sorry for them.

      2. Tara says:

        Oh okay, lol. Thank you.

  5. Pamela says:

    Inveritably HG, charm is a formidable weapon and asset for you. You utlize it well, as observed on the blog.

    Off topic HG. I read you use dating sites to scour victims. Have you ever resorted to sending potential victims or even secondary sources, dirty little secrets, or tertiary sources dick pics? I know some women are enticed by receiving those, I not being one. The only cock I want In My “inbox” is my partners, not some random mans. It is a very uncouth and uncharming tactic. What are you thoughts on men who do this and why? Is it grandiose thinking or a lesser or a somatic tactic?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      No I do not send dick pics, that is the act of an epsilon semi-moron.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        I’ve come back to this statement like 10 ten times and can’t stop laughing.
        1) I don’t believe you have never, ever, indulged and engaged in sending a pic at some point in your illustrious track record of seducing and sexting.
        2) But, if only a pic makes the sender a “epsilon semi-moron”, what on earth does that make JN for sending me an actual text video of it “coming out to play” for the first time rather than a pic? lollll (It’s ok, I don’t really need to know.) Oh, and it wasn’t a snapchat that disappeared in 10 seconds. He was confident enough that it was a keeper.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          1. I have sent pictures, but never dick pictures.

          2. A narcissist naturally.

          1. MLA - Clarece says:

            H.G. in his CK boxers. I knew it was out there somewhere! Lol

      2. Yolo says:

        Damn I connected with an espom salt moron.😂😊😊several ouch salt stings. Cue, delete collection.

      3. Pamela says:

        That made me laugh, I concur HG. I find it a desparate and pathetic tactic to send such things.

  6. emotion detective says:

    Also, you mentioned in your interview sharks in the water, the term I used in my live stream, which means you watched it…😍

  7. lansealan says:

    Thank you Twilight for thoughtful and understanding words. And you too Guilia, you funny girl. Ok Sues… we’ve each said our peace right? No bad blood…I enjoy your insights although I don’t neccesarily always agree. Nothing but good things Ladies! Lol. Yes I do like certain “fogs”…just not the drama kind.😜😁✌😎
    Can I get a cheers HG? 🍺🍻🍺🍻

    1. lansealan says:

      Ooops…sorry HG…forgot you like…I’m sure drama equals fuel of some sort.

    2. Sues423 says:

      It’s all good Lansealan, I respect you having your opinions..

  8. Yolo says:

    No one in particular if the shoe fits wear it.
    If the result of anothers comment results in bullying and self righteousness I see that as triangulation. My own perception, i have a right to that without being challenge. You do believe in demoracy right?
    Why pressure someone on scientific validity on a subject that License professionals dont have the answers too. They all quote the same shit, and most will say there’s nothing that can be done to help, or modify the behaviour in these individuals. The mental health community is lacking the resources needed to do in-depth studies on all disorders.
    If a person starts grasping for straws and comes up with a theory on their own allow.

    This is the new world order, exactly how this country is being run.

    Who am I? That’s the problem with some of you does it matter this is not your blog.

    HG, does not ask that question of his commenters because he knows.

    Be mindful there are millions of people reading this blog and after being abused by a narc they should at least be able to come here and comment without being bullied by the old timer no it alls.
    Silence, listening , and allowing others freedom to write out their feelings no matter nonsensical it may seem to others is the best gift to self.

    1. emotion detective says:

      Thank you, my thoughts exactly. I was surprised at the level of hostility to research that is meant to do so much good, and benefit narcissists as well.
      Many professionals draw income from the current status of knowledge so they protest and insist that the earth is flat.
      Oh well..

  9. Pamela says:

    @ VParribas…What a strange coincidence.I commented the exact same conclusion several hours before yours, but mine is still currently In moderation, as I asked HG a question. How weird is it that we both thought the exact same thing and were both torn between those two signs. We may be into to something.
    I think for me it is because of the duality in personality HG presents, I am torn between which month he was born, December or May.

    I think I am leaning 60/40 in favour of Capricorn…but still, the Gemini traits are very strong.

  10. giulia says:

    I didn’t read ED comments…So I don’t know what happened.
    I am just sorry. Hope everything will be alright again.

    1. emotion detective says:

      Basically the ladies on this blog saw my comment as a bit too flirtatious, outdoing theirs.
      The only male here didn’t see it as such, which it wasn’t really as HG was the one who started the flirtation. It’s his blog and he’s allowed to flirt with anyone. The only problem is the person responding to flirtation is seen as untoward and creates jealousy.

      1. Also, I noticed you continue to mirror me.. you added twitter timeline to your blog like me, and started retweeting tweets too. 👫😘💁🏼🕵️

  11. lansealan says:

    Personally…not really into astrology or “spiritualality”.

    When someone tells me that they’re spirtual…I’m like, “demons are spirits too, right?…be more specific” lol!

    1. giulia says:

      “We are spirits in a material world”.

      Lansealan, today is your lucky day, a free horoscope delivered to You:

      “You’ll be plunged into a pit of depression by the thought that Stevie Wonder will probably not live forever”


      1. lansealan says:

        Ha! Thank you Giulia…lol.

        Your exactly right on… was feeling my Moon and Sun alignment was alittle off? Like it was on a blind, award winning minority loop of some sort?
        That explains it for sure… Lol

      2. giulia says:

        Iansealan, despite the fact that you are a cancer I like your comments :))
        And I honestly thought men enjoyed the estrogen “fog” 🌫

      3. emotion detective says:

        Do you have anything good for Taurus or/and Libra (my N) this week?

  12. I thought his birthday was September 1st? It’s in one of his books. The 1909 was year he was born….emotional vampires can survive eons! Lol.

  13. Pamela says:

    What about Sagittarius? Is HG birthday September 19th, Love. Same day as old beau of mine.

  14. When I read this it confirms time and time again all the things I raised in my family.
    It makes me want to kill my mother. I would literally do it with ease. It is that much she took, that much she destroyed me since I was born and that much she violated everything I am so I’d never be healthy. She made me love her and everything she did. I’m only now getting flashbacks of my life being threatened until I edited myself to her satisfaction. I hate her so intensely.
    What can I do?

    1. ava101 says:

      Africanvioletsite: I don’t know what you can do, but I totally understand your feelings. I am so to say struggling to accept my negative feelings towards my mother, like, thinking that she is a waste of space. She has only been taking all her life, but at the same time putting me and everything I did down, or negating. So, for me, it’s really just accepting that I feel hate towards her. This goes against everything I was taught to believe that is right, of course, therefore I also feel stuck between hating her and what she did on the one side and thinking “but she is my mother and she is trying to show a caring side (…)” on the other side. For a narc, she might even have done well as a mother.
      I don’t know if this helps. You are not alone though. 🙂

    2. windstorm2 says:

      I used to feel a lot of hatred toward my mother. I came to realize that this hatred was warping and twisting me. I was horrified to realize that in a way, my mother was still controlling me thru this hatred.
      The way I got around this was to learn to pity her. Once I was established in my own life with my own children, I realized how many wonderful things I had that my mother never had and could never have: the love I had from my children, the happiness and joy I felt all the time in my life – she never had these things. In fact her own actions prevented her from so much happiness and joy.
      She was really pathetic. Desperately trying to feel better about herself by pulling down others and making them miserable like herself. When I looked at her objectively, I just felt sorry for the pathetic, fearful, unhappy woman she really was. I was shocked to realize how envious she was of me! I believe so much of the ugliness she showed me was because she actually envied me.
      I think I became able to see what HG calls “the creature” in her – who she really was inside. Seeing her miserable, pathetic reality allowed me to turn my anger into pity. And letting go of that anger finally freed me from her control and let me begin to heal.

      1. sues423 says:

        Very well expressed thoughts and feelings. I can relate to what you said here. I always had to and still do remind myself that she was a product of her upbringing as well.

        1. windstorm2 says:

          Exactly Sue423. When my mother was one month old, her 2 year old sister died of a lingering illness. My grandmother told me how totally devastated she was all thru the pregnancy with Mama because she knew her other daughter was dying. She went into a horrible depression for several years and my 4 year old aunt and older brothers basically took care of Mama (my grandfather was a narc). I felt much empathy with my grandmother’s pain (she still cried over losing this little girl 60 years later), but it started me wondering – what was my mother’s childhood like?

      2. ava101 says:

        windstorm: oh, what a sad story / fate. 🙁 Your poor grandmother, and it explains a lot. Also good that you have found a way to pity her. My own mother though leads a very good life and always has. The only care she has in the world is me not taking her phone calls. But she has two other daughters and a grandson to draw energy from.

        I know that my grandmothers had some tough times, too, but I see no reason for my mother to have become as she is at all, other than that she was born in a war. I have tried to ask her different things about her childhood, but never found a single hint. But then again she keeps forgetting everything she doesn’t want to know.
        It is much easier to understand that my father didn’t get any emotional caring or attachment from his mother, and also that she had some pretty good reasons. So, this makes it a little easer to forgive him.

    3. sues423 says:


      I am so sorry that you had to go through a painful childhood and still have to deal with the residual effects. I can very much relate. Something that I’ve learned through living life and gaining understanding through others and reading made me come to a place where I decided that I am not going to let another day go by where these thoughts and feelings are going to hold me captive anymore. Not that I am 100% there but I strive to think that way. I strive to be happy everyday. I ask God for wisdom etc. I have to accept that I cannot go backwards and fix anything, I can only go forward and be responsible to make my life a positive existence to the best of my ability. Not to take accountability away from your Mom, but I am sure her upbringing wasn’t stellar. And if she was a lesser or Mid narcissist, she didn’t even realize the full impact of her behavior. She was just doing what she instinctually knew to do… selfishly feeding herself. You don’t have to forgive her or forget, but don’t let it continue to overtake you or ruin your life. 🙂
      Hang in there… don’t give up and keep reading! (HG has taught me a lot and has literally opened my eyes which has changed my life)

      1. I think she might have been neglected and raped, maybe, but she is one of 8 children who I always thought were nice people. She had so many relatives and friends. But she made sure I never had any and that I believed I didn’t deserve them.
        My father was raised by another family who treated him very well and I met them later. I’m sure he was angry at his abandonment but I don’t think either of their experiences compare to my isolation, violence and 24/7 bullying. I should be dead.
        And I know narcissism was raised as a choice – well my parents use to abuse me and then quiz me on my hatred toward the world. They wanted me to turn and I refused. So yes I do believe it’s a choice. I recall so much the temptation to attach my identity to them but I didn’t want to become anything like them. I remember the impossible strength and loneliness it took and that self isolating choice forms my independent identity now.
        That’s why I don’t feel sorry for narcissists, only attempts to accept it is in society. I’m strong enough to choose the hard way and they weren’t. So why should I care about them? I’m not abusing people.
        Forgiveness is a lovely story but I am a bit more a realist. They are still chasing their parents’ approval like a Jesus substitute and shooting everyone else for it.
        I really do wish my mother was dead. I wish I never saw any behaviour like hers. I wish I never enjoyed her company. I wish someone took my hand and said you don’t have to live like that or love her.

  15. Giulia says:

    Interesting the conversation about signes. I’m a scorpio too and I seem to mess mostly with sagittarious. We get along great in the beginning then they start being controlling and I don’t like it very much. Ex husband, ex narc, ex stalker ( yes….an old boy-friend gone mad..) lifelong girlfriend, best work partner so far, all sagittarious.
    The lost love of my life was acquarious <3.
    Aries I like 🙂 good fun, good sex, good friends, curious, creative, knowledgeable but no love for some reason…
    Pises are ok but too attached for me. Libra fun and sexy but there's something I can't pin down and it bothers me. Male scorpio is a no no, I just want to beat the crap out of him. Cancers no good except for a good friend of mine but only because he comes from a high ranked family and he just has a royal education and he is very intelligent also, impossible not to get along with him.
    Anybody knows what HG is?

    Ciao! 🙋🏻👒🍒🐾🍧✍🏻🏄🏻

    1. windstorm2 says:

      I find it humorous that no one mentions Virgo in a good light. That’s my sign, but I have never been interested in astrology. Why would everybody born in the same month have the same characteristics? Not that I dismiss it as impossible. Nothing is impossible.

      1. Love says:

        Windstorm, funny enough, of all my narcs, the only ones I still talk to are the Virgos. They seem the most successful and stable of the bunch.

      2. giulia says:

        Virgos are ok. I’ve never had problems with virgos. 👍

      3. Twilight says:

        I have found Virgo men to be the most interesting once they warm up to you.
        September 19 HG, I am more then a little disturb at the moment. Is this really your birthday?

        1. HG Tudor says:


          1. Twilight says:

            Thank God!

          2. Love says:

            My bad. I thought the numbers in your email address represent your birthdate. 1909.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I know you did. Those are actually the key code number to enter Tudor Towers.

          4. Love says:

            Please don’t tease us so. You know your words are indelibly ingrained in our minds and hearts. Now I will attempt those numbers at ever tower I come across.

          5. VPArribas says:

            I’m thinking HG is a Gemini or Capricorn.

          6. Twilight says:


            Lol thank you for making sure my heart is working properly!
            I have had to many things dealing with my ex in the past week to read that.

          7. Love says:

            I’m sorry Twilight. Hopefully my error did not cause you too much angst.

          8. Twilight says:

            I am fine Love, it has just been a really rough week for me. He has shown up and wanting answers. The day he showed up was a day that was special. Then he showed up again yesterday.
            I reacted to your comment and I am sorry. You didn’t do anything.

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          Virgos are cautious to warm up to people but fiercely loyal once they do. I know. I am a Virgo. My bday is early September. Why would you be disturbed if HG’s bday is September 19th?

          1. Twilight says:

            It was the day I met my ex and his birthday is a couple of days before. It just triggered memories and I am dealing with him showing up on a day that at one time meant something and he wants answers. So twice in the past couple of days I have seen him.
            It was a moment for me when I read that, that all.

      4. sues423 says:

        That will be the next contest, guess HG’s birthday and he’ll let you sing happy birthday to him ;)-

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Ha ha

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          I’m going to go out on a limb here and suggest that to celebrate when HG hits ten million hits, he holds a contest or lottery drawing for a blog follower to get to meet him!!

          1. HG Tudor says:

            I may agree to such a prize, with suitable terms and conditions of course.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            Ladies… you’re welcome!
            I do have an excellent attorney to review any confidentiality agreement and gag order.

      5. Pamela says:

        All the Virgos I know are loving and empathetic people. I waiver between a Gemini (Brilliance of mind, Good Communication Skills, Diplomacy, Wit and Versatility and a Capricorn( ambitious wise, disciplined, cautious and detached) for HG. He has traits from both. But it would Only be a guessing game, right HG? What do you think your most successful and most alluring trait is, HG?

        1. HG Tudor says:


      6. Narc affair says:

        Im not into astrology either but i noticed a fb friend comment about virgos and it didnt seem in a positive way. I responded are us virgos really that bad lol

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Hell no we’re not! We get shit dealt with and done!

    2. Love says:

      Mr. Tudor is a Virgo.

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        September birthday correct?

        1. Love says:

          Yup. September 19. ❤

      2. giulia says:

        Thank you Love. Virgos are interesting, talkative, good friends, charming, some are faithful some not at all.
        You can talk with virgos. That’s my experience at least. They are reasonable.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          What’s this ladies? Astrology Hour With the Empaths?!

          1. lansealan says:

            Sheesh, thanks for finally stepping in HG…lol!. Seems to be a estrogen fueled fog of sorts…hehe. Funny enough, I’m a cancer male. And yes I agree that periodically I can get wrapped up in my head sometimes and withdraw. However, never lasts long(hours, day or two). I’m basically just taking a time-out for re-analyizing and re-evaluation) Some call it “attitude adjustment” lol. I’ve also been told, I’m very caring, kind and thoughtful. As well as brutally honest(uggh) In addition, I don’t relate at all to “backwards & sideways”???(Love’s comment)
            Ps ladies, can we let go of the ED drama? (tongue in cheek, waiting for wrath to follow, lol) Thought we were here to avoid that kind of stuff, right?

      3. ava101 says:

        Love, How do you know it’s the 19th??
        So … depending on the year, he might have been born on the equinox.
        Wow, 1 day apart from my sister, 2 days apart from my ex-narc …

        1. Love says:

          Apparently I was wrong. I thought because of his email address 1909.

      4. giulia says:

        oh no…just a little fun😊
        You know dear HG the horoscope that I prefer is the Onion’s.
        Your’s for this week says

        “Your love life will hum along like a well-oiled machine, thanks largely to a new formulation of oil and a clever little Swedish machine.”

        Always right! 🙂

      5. ava101 says:

        My exnarc believes in astrology HG, or at least he studies it in depth.

      6. giulia says:

        Goodness…not a virgo???😱
        I just hope he is not a sagittarius…

      7. ava101 says:

        lansealan that was my comment. Interesting that you react to it.
        Cancers are supposed to be caring, nurturing, and homely, too, yes. I just said that they don’t go together well with aquarians. 🙂 And just my personal experience about certain qualities.

    3. sues423 says:

      Lansealan …Hmmm. And you are???
      Youre a brave little soul aren’t you?
      There are some super Nova empaths here so you had better tread lightly with your remarks. Me being one.
      I am brutally honest as well and you’re right, you need an attitude adjustment. I also don’t see the “kind, caring ” part they’re talking about.
      Don’t come on here and say anything about Love or anyone else unless you have something kind or encouraging to say. And ED comments really dont pertain to you at all .. you don’t know the history ..
      based on what you wrote you are the type of person we try to avoid in our everyday lives in person..
      So PLEASE… keep on reevaluating and adjusting yourself .. you have a ways to go.

      1. Love says:

        Aw, thank you Sue. I actually never made the ‘backwards & sideways’ comment so I was unsure what Lansealan meant.
        I do know non-narc cancer males are very loving and close to their mothers. Hopefully this was a misunderstanding. Hugs ❤💚💜

      2. giulia says:

        Sue…lansealan may be recovering from a narc ex…just like most of us here. He needs protection, kindness and…well….empaty?
        He’s one of the very few empathetic men around…he’s under the world protection program. We must do all we can to save him!

        1. Love says:

          Awwwww, group empath hug for Lansealan. 💞

        2. sues423 says:

          Hi giulia,
          Not to beat a dead horse but I just saw in the comments on “I’m the middle” ED made the comment “you are very very naughty Mr Tudor, and very very dangerous . It was “liked” by two people , theletterafterj (who I don’t know who that is but keeps liking everyone’s comments) and lansealan. What does that tell you ? It tells me I was right on the money ..

          1. Twilight says:

            Liking a comment doesn’t prove anything and sure doesn’t make you right in the money in your judgements. It makes you quick to judge a person.

            ED has proven what she is numerous times, yet HG is dangerous and I am sure very naughty so that statement holds truth, yet she tainted it by her next comment to which showed her intentions to which will come to haunt her. I see her spreading her lies outside this blog, I will call them out.

      3. sues423 says:

        Love, you are a love!! Very kind indeed..
        My senses are always in high alert and three things came into play in his comment that stuck out to me
        “Estrogen fueled fog ”
        “Backwards&sideways” Loves comments.. which I read as him saying that your comments are backwards and sideways
        “Ps ladies, can we let go of the ED drama? Etc.”
        It comes off as very male chauvinistic to me. There is an undertone there.

        I respect you and I hope you’re right.. but right now I just don’t see it ..
        Thank you for responding ❤️

        1. Love says:

          I understand Sue. You are very sweet and protective of us – and I appreciate it and thank you. Hopefully we can help Lansealan heal as well.

          1. sues423 says:

            People like you, MLA-Clarece and others contributions are part of the reason that this blog has been successful. You deserve respect and not condescending comments. I am grateful for you guys because I know that you’re a great support. Very thankful to HG for all of it. So yes! I’ve got your back! LOL 🙂

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            Sues423…You rock!!

      4. sues423 says:

        I Thank you for, and appreciate ,your opinion. I can understand what you are saying and that I maybe shouldn’t have been so defensive. But I sense something , I question the level of empathy and his story as a whole. I will be the first to apologize if I’m wrong . But he does need to consider the content and implications of his comments on here. Just my thoughts.
        You’re opinion means a lot and I appreciate you ❤️

      5. giulia says:

        Sue….I found the estrogen fueled fog very amusing, almost cute.
        I suppose we have different personalities. You maybe in a moment in which you feel these type of jokes as threats.
        But even if….even if….why would you feel threatened by someone you don’t know and will never know?
        Could it be that lansealan just triggered involuntarily something in you?
        He can’t harm you, in any way.
        Hope you’ll feel it soon 🙂

      6. lansealan says:

        Hi Sues,
        Read your comments and was actually going to let them ride. I was not compelled to react by feeling i needed to defend myself. However, (not to kick a very much alive horse) Seems you have decided to single me out, so hopefully I will clarify some possible misunderstandings and false perceptions you might have had regarding my original post. I will address those comments first, and will comment on your subsequent replies afterwards. First of all, the estrogen fog comment was in jest, and was a direct response to HG’s previous comment(“Whats this Ladies? Astrology hour with the empaths?) Was just having fun, just like HG was) Plz note Sues, Im sure your aware that the male influence of comments here vrs the female side is extremely low. Im sure you can understand Being an abused male of a female narc is a slightly different dynamic and most viewpoints here are either womens and/or HG’s) Just feel alittle outnumbered sometimes, jus sayin. The backwards and sideways remark was in direct response to AVA’s comment on cancer males(not Loves), my mistake. Absolutely no finger pointing or insinuations were made. Maybe you were reading too much into it. The letting go of the ED drama comment was only said because of my distaste for drama…nothing more. And you were right, I dont know much about the circumstances with ED. I could have left that part out. I seriously try my best to be considerate and non judgemental to anyone here.
        With that said, lets move on to your post reactions…you seem to have no problem “telling” me what I should and shouldn’t do, as well as personal judgements. So I will respectfully respond. If Love or Guilia had felt slighted or felt I was insinuating anything towards them, Im sure they are fully capable to defend themselves, right? And threatening statements dont work well with me, super empath or not.(btw, the super nova HG explains, is a consequence or event, not a person). You mentioned you sense something and question my level of empathy and dont stop there, but question my story as a whole? Wow. Just by the virtue of those here interacting on this blog, I can totally understand the caution and suspicion. However, I do not understand the skepticism? Maybe you can give me some examples to back up your disbelief’s? And finally, just because I like a certain comment, doesnt necessarily mean im condoning any particular behaviors by some…just liked the comment thats all. If you want to read more into it thats your choice. You ask others “what does that tell you”? Then say “tells me I was right on the money” From what other responses Ive seen so far, haven’t noticed many agreements with your “opinions” other than you agreeing with yourself.
        In closing, seeing that you had no issue with giving me advice on my attitude and judging my state of healing and/or empathy, you might want to consider a few things as well. You are entitled to your opinions and I would assume being an empath you try to follow the golden rule.
        I as well noticed some possible red flags, however will give the benefit of doubt the chance and see how things work out going forward.
        Try to remember when responding(not reacting) that “Facts create Feelings, Feelings Don’t make Facts”

        Love & Guilia, Thank you very much for the hugs!!! dont want the sympathy thanks…doing just fine. Thanks for your support, much appreciated.

        1. Love says:

          Its not Sympathy, Lansy, its empathy. You are getting love from your empath sistren. 💚💛💜

        2. Twilight says:


          Well said

          We need to see the male view of what happens in this dynamic. It is not only women that are targeted. Men can be abused to, they just don’t speak up as to what I believe is due to how society has structured things.
          In reality men are more at a disadvantage when it come to this subject.
          Thank you for your insights

      7. sues423 says:

        Hi Lansealan,
        I appreciate your response. I have not singled you out based on anything other than the comments you make in your original comment.
        Maybe you were trying to be funny with the estrogen comment but that coupled with the last comment you made “PS ladies, can we let go of the ED drama? (Tongue in cheek, waiting for wrath to follow, lol) thought we were her to avoid that kind of stuff, right?” came off as being very condescending in my opinion. You are not the moderator of this blog or us.
        I am very aware of the minimal amount of the male influence here and I can understand that there can be a different dynamic with a male victim vs a female victim.
        I was incorrect for my response about the Love comment that you made and for that I apologize but given the fact that she didn’t say it, it made me question your intent.
        I made no personal judgements. I was commenting on your post where you said “some call it “attitude adjustment”
        And I don’t see the kind and caring part you’ve been told, another response to your initial comment.
        Love is the only one I defended. Guilia replied to me.
        And yes, Love can absolutely defend herself, she was just a part of my response as I was talking your comments as a whole and defending everyone involved.
        My comments were not meant as threats but as warnings. See them as you may and I apologize if you view it that way but that was not my intent.
        You are incorrect about what a Super Nova Empath is, please see how HG defines it:
        “Finally, there is the Super Empath. The Super Empath is an excellent provider of fuel also and comes with a confidence and a fieriness which proves most tempting to our kind. The Super Empath sees his or her role as helping, fixing, healing and brining goodness to those around them. They have considerable energy, they are capable and their capacity for sustaining our abuses also makes them a considerably attractive prospect.”
        HG does personify THE EMPATHIC SUPERNOVA”
        And yes, When you like a comment such as ED’s who clearly is out to smear HG TUDOR and is directly insulting him with that comment then you are MOST CERTAINLY condoning that persons opinion and I take great offense to that and question your character.

        I will keep my skepticism to myself.
        Explaining it won’t be beneficial.

        As far as other people not agreeing with my posts, who knows for sure why, maybe they don’t want to get involved. I stand by what I wrote with no apologizes other than the ones I am giving you in this response.
        I never gave you advice on your attitude other that you need to keep working on it as YOU stated.
        I NEVER once judged your state of healing but I did question your empathy.
        (“You are entitled to your opinions and I would assume being an empath you try to follow the golden rule.
        I as well noticed some possible red flags, however will give the benefit of doubt the chance and see how things work out going forward.
        Try to remember when responding (not reacting) that “Facts create Feelings, Feelings Don’t make Facts”) ONCE AGAIN, CONDECENDING STATEMENTS.
        “Facts create Feelings, Feelings don’t make Facts” I don’t agree with this.

      8. Sues423 says:

        You’re entitled to your opinion as I am entitled to mine.
        Doesn’t ‘like” mean you like it? I’m confused .
        Doesn’t “like” mean you agree? Again I’m confused.
        If someone wrote “Sues423 is a bitch” and 5 people liked it, what does that say? Common sense tell me that those people think Sues423 is a bitch. I think it was a rude comment and that “liked” shows the same mindset.
        I really don’t see it another way.

        1. Twilight says:


          First you are entitled to your opinion and I would and will always encourage people to voice them.
          Your came across as judgmental towards those that liked a comment to which holds truth, You don’t know how they took that comment,
          Can you prove HG is not dangerous?
          Can you prove he isn’t naughty?
          To each of these a person can agree and like a comment, it holds truth. It doesn’t make them a narcissist or an empath, only they liked a comment that held truth. If it was anyone other then ED made that comment would your opinion still be you were right on the money in what they are? ED is a narcissist this has been shown numerous times, do you think you are being a little bias because of this knowledge and running with emotions and not logic?

          If someone said sues423 is a bitch and 5 people like it, I would tell them they are being judgmental in the fact unless they actually knew you how can they know your a bitch. Then even on this it is their opinion, yet to follow with out Knowing says much about a person they are following emotions and not logic.

          You telling lansealan he needs to tread lightly as to there are super nova Empaths here, and your one because he voiced his opinion and his perspective, can come across as threatening. I understand you saw this as being protective to others here on the blog, yet to one that has been in a relationship with a lessor this can be seen as a threat. I am not saying lansealan ex was a lessor just a view point you may not have looked at and others that have may look at you in a very different light.

      9. sues423 says:

        Hi Twilight,
        I want to say that I appreciate your honest comments. No matter what is said between us, I have a lot of respect for you in that regard.
        I agree with you that the initial comment I made to Lansealan was driven by my emotion. I do, however stand by my logic which wasn’t driven by emotion. I poorly communicated my thoughts and for that I apologize. I am a very emotional and passionate person. Those traits work for my good and my bad unfortunately and I need to keep working on tempering the bad.
        Whether or not HG is Dangerous, naughty, or happens to be a Pink elephant with blue polka dots isn’t the point. None of us know or can prove anything unless they know him outside of this forum. And my example of someone saying Sues423 is a bitch and 5 people liking it was to illustrate that if someone “likes” a comment, they are agreeing with that comment. It is the agreement with someone who has hit the nerves of quite a few people. And that is evident in their posts that they posted on this article.
        Let me explain more in detail what I based my thoughts on.
        ED has repeatedly made provoking comments. The first comment on this article was her trying to smear Indy. She then went on a blog for WNAA day, which we were all excited about and excited for HG and tried to tarnish Him and his work. There were a lot of comments being posted about these situations. Lansealan makes the comment “ Ps ladies, can we let go of the ED drama? (tongue in cheek, waiting for wrath to follow, lol) Thought we were here to avoid that kind of stuff, right” which along with his first comment, I find to be condescending. ED comes back on the scene and makes the Dangerous, naughty comment and Lansealan “likes” it. If the comment was made by someone else and all of the factors were in play then I probably wouldn’t have batted and eye. So it was the accumulation of events that made me comment the way I did and I stand by my logic.
        I could go into more of what I see and think but I think its pointless at this juncture.

        1. Twilight says:

          Hi Sues423

          I respect your view and opinion on things.
          My point was a new person may look at your opinion and believing you to be accurate in what you insinuated about those that liked EDs comment are the same as her, they have not shown either way in where they are on the spectrum of things, unlike ED.
          I do appreciate you expanding on your thoughts and why you came to the conclusion you do, to which I do understand your why.

  16. Ali says:

    Reblogged this on rebuildingmylife2016 and commented:
    Good to know

  17. Patricia Fritter-Olsen says:

    All is right on! I have removed that narc from my life. It has tried so to get back in but I have the power to keep it away. What a great feeling!

  18. sues423 says:

    I have a question pertaining to #4. “If we have been well-fueled we are able to be alone”
    How long does “well-fueled” last? Would you give me an example of what would well-fuel you and how long after could you remain alone? That would be interesting to know. Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      An IPPS crying and arguing with me for an hour would leave me well-fuelled for several hours.

      1. Love says:

        Arguing for an hour? Good Lord, I concede after 5 minutes. Crying I can do – but that normally is behind closed doors after they’ve made their grand exit. And it is more screaming than crying. Like my soul is demanding to be released from this hellish prison I’ve once again put it in.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Screaming is good.

          1. Love says:

            I think that’s why I had my panic attack 2 months ago. I had been silent too long, suppressing my screams in the last few months of my last relationship. They need to come out. Screaming is indeed good.

          2. HG Tudor says:

            I am pleased you think so.

          3. Love says:

            Of course, it is your soul talking.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            That vanished a long time ago.

      2. Narc affair says:

        The only screaming ive done in front of the narc is during an orgasm 😂
        Ive thrown a fit tho before in private and beat up on a pillow and screamed and it felt good!!! I need to invest in a punching bag

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Orgasmic screaming is also welcomed. In fact orgasmic screaming and shortly thereafter terrified screaming makes for a delightful fuel sandwich.

          1. Twilight says:

            You just made me shudder in excitement and pure fear with the image I picture in my head HG, No man has been able to make me scream orgasmically or in fear, frustration and pain yes. Eyes turning black and hands around my throat image and I almost scream sitting here.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:


          3. Long time since you’ve made me physically shudder.
            Back to HL….

      3. Narc affair says:

        One screaming fit that really sticks out in my mind was when i was about 9 or 10. I had two friends and the one was notorious for taking my friends away or thats how i percieved it at that age. I remember having a complete meltdown and lost it. We were in the backyard and the two were going to her house and i threw the biggest fit screaming. I remember that moment so well and how i felt. I was uncaged and uncontrolled. Looking back i see where it came from and that was my parents divorce. When youre a child you dont understand whats happening to you you just experience what you feel. I do wonder at times if i have borderline in me bc i have felt this sensation crop up but never to the extent i did that day. My mum came out in shock and my two friends looked at me in awe 😂

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Did you scweam and scweam and scweam until you were sick?

          1. Eww I could still throw that kid through the window….

      4. Brian says:

        pleasure to pain….oh pinhead and the cenobites were narcissists.

    2. Narc affair says:

      Thats one fuel sandwich id avoid at all costs 🤤

  19. TEX says:

    Hello HG…
    Newbie to the site and enthralled by it ever since.
    I am currently separated 2 years but still legally married to a somatic and recently out of a year and half long “relationship” with a cerebral.
    This one really hits home for me.
    After all the madness stopped and my brain started to work properly again I learned all that I could, needing to make sense of everything.
    In reading this post I feel I have a pretty good grip on it but struggle so much with that last paragraph on conscience.
    I know it’s true but such a hard pill for me to swallow.
    I now see there is no coming to an agreement, doing things fair and remaining friends. I need to get a lawyer, get out and make a clean break.
    Lack of conscience scares the shit out of me!

  20. Pamela says:

    Regarding number five. You do have a conscience In respect to knowing what is right and wrong. You just chose not to be compelled to do the right thing unless it benefits yourself. Is this correct? Whereas as I do have a moral conscienceand compass,

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I know the difference, I do not care.

      1. Violet says:

        Are you sure all narcs are the same with affection? My mid range ex would always run to me and hug me, he would hold me all day when we were together. For 3 years. Is this fuel from keeping prey?
        He always said that was his favourite thing to do with me and I could feel him having a soothing physical reaction to my body, that was like a shaking baby being settled.
        When we broke up it was almost like he went cold and stale. He smelled different like a plant that had gone off.

        My mother didn’t attach to me emotionally but physically also seemed to settle when I was around and would breathe more evenly if I lay next to her reading or whatever. She always hugged me when she was in good spirits.

  21. Victoria says:

    Thank you HG for another enlightening article beautifully written 🙂
    One question for the master- when you mention that those of your kind feel shame-could you elaborate a bit? What could they feel shameful about?
    Thank again for the knowledge!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Please see the book Your Fault

      1. VPArribas says:

        Thakyou I will

  22. Gman says:

    The other side of the coin of emotional thinking is intellectualisation which can blind you to the truth by denying to yourself what you are really feeling. I have fallen prey to that in the past but had the good sense to know I was deluding myself. I also have the experience of my intuition being pricked in a moment of perceptiveness but ignoring it.

    There are definitely some unhelpful books written on narcissism which create a false impression. Sadly they are often bestsellers.

  23. Good morning HG, really informative article. Thank you.
    Forgive me if this has been asked before but I keep wondering… as a child before you became full on narc do you have any recollection of any positive emotions? Do you recall any memories at all where you felt happy? I’m making an assumption here of course that at some point in your childhood you were in the company of ‘nice’ adults who would treat you as the small innocent child you were. Or even when in the company of other children who were normal? (Forgive me for using the word normal. It is not meant as an insult to you. I actually hate the word but can’t think of an alternative at this time)
    If you have no recollection of happiness from childhood do you think it’s because your memory doesn’t stretch that far or do you think you genuinely never had a positive emotion which then begs the question of nature nurture again to me.
    Sorry for being personal but I’m still trying to make sense of it all.
    I understand if you choose not to answer but if you do, thank you.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I am told of this, I remember and see images but cannot recall the feelings.

      1. Wow. Heartbreaking. I know you’re not bothered but nevertheless I’m sorry for you HG. Especially the child HG.
        I know what we don’t know can’t hurt us but is there ever a time where you’ve wished you could have been ‘normal’ (for want of a better word again) living a life without the monster inside?
        I’ll be honest, during my recovery I’ve often been envious of narcs and wished I could become devoid of the emotions you are.
        Controversial I known and I might get hammered for it here by the empaths but I’m not sure who’s got the best life. I wish I didn’t feel the depths of pain I do at both my own life and other people’s.

      2. ava101 says:

        You cannot go there, can you. Ah, how I wish you would be open to walk around in your subconscious mind.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Research has found that there is a reduction of volume in the amygdala of psychopaths.

        The amygdala is associated with emotional memory formation, emotional learning (classical conditioning), emotion regulation (esp fear and anger), and motivation…

        It is associated with the attachment of emotion to memories…

    2. ava101 says:

      I’ve been thinking about this. I cannot recall happy moments / feelings from very early childhood either. I remember some moments in kindergarten when we did activities I liked. But I don’t remember being happy or laughing at home.
      Do many of you remember feelings of love and happiness from early childhood, like when you were 3 years old??
      I remember coldness, fear, a lot of stressful feelings, that I had to be invisible and quiet, and I remember my original trauma. Those are not exactly feelings I want to feel again my remembering, I remember more the scenarios from a detached standpoint.

      I remember also that my mother read to me before falling asleep and that I had a wind-up stuffed toy music box with a good-night-melody and stuffed animals which I threw out of bed. Those stuffed animals were from my grandparents, not from my parents. I remember that it was always fearful going to sleep, that my mother was there, though, but I don’t recall happy or safe feelings.

      1. Hi Ava, thanks for sharing your thoughts and feelings and thank you for posing the question! I had actually never considered my own memories.
        On reflection my earliest memories are of me being in trouble. I was not from an abusive family though and I wasn’t in trouble a great deal. Maybe this is why those memories stand out. I don’t remember feeling sad at those times but I do remember feeling anger at the injustice because those memories were actually when I hadn’t done anything wrong but got the blame anyway (due to my nasty (but not really nasty 😊) sister blaming me for something she did. I remember the feeling of being silenced because you did not ‘answer back’ to your parents. There was no defending yourself. My feelings were of anger at the injustice and frustration at not being able to clear my name. I would have been around 4 years old. My first memory of positive emotion came from my infant school teacher when I gained 5 gold stars for doing 50 long multiplication sums in record time. That was a feeling of pride in myself. It is quite alarming that I skip a few years after that and my happy emotions are based upon fickle materialistic gifts – first roller skates etc. Obviously I know that is perfectly normal for a kid but I’m left wondering why I don’t have more family orientated happy memories.
        I’m not sure I want to delve further.

  24. BLW says:

    This actually made me laugh rather hysterically. I mean, egos are hilarious in general but narc egos are just ridiculous at this point. I can’t take it personally or seriously anymore. What a relief.

  25. numb says:

    Your kind feel shame HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:


      1. numb says:

        This doesn’t make sense to me, could you elaborate? Wouldn’t you have to acknowledge some wrong doing?

  26. gabbanzobean says:

    Oh good grief #5!!!!!

    Oh I had to constantly hear about his “conscience” how he feels he doesn’t have a soul anymore and so on. I know I was told that the whole thing is a lie. And that they have no conscience. This is one of the hardest things to accept about your kind. Especially seeing him face-to-face and hearing him say that he is so guilt ridden, tortured and whatever else.

    If your kind does not know what they are, do they not realize that they are mimicking the emotions of others as well? As in, do they actually think those are “their” emotions? I hope my question make sense.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Correct. This is why you have so many mid range narcissists who think they are caring and empathic.

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        And everyone else in his life likely feels the same about him and thinks he is too.

        ” I cannot understand why I keep failing, why I keep cheating on my wife, who I love so much. And you, I love and care for you and I’m so sorry that I keep hurting you.”

        And he really has no clue.

        HG, I know that you like to inform us as to how to deal with your kind, but do you ever tell your kind what they are? And make them see what they are? Are they capable of ever seeing such?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          There’s no point with lesser or mid range. They are incapable of seeing it. They come to the blog but there’s no point telling them.

      2. ava101 says:

        How?? can this be?? HG???
        I am totally unable to understand this – how someone could think he or she was experiencing deep emotions when they are not.
        Like … completely caught in a mirror.
        At least my lower ex-narc-lover got that his feelings were very different from mine.
        But my mother … she really thinks she is a good feeling person, I think. But who knows.

      3. Is this caused by their trust in the lying parent? Which means that in order to justify their belief in the unloving parent they have to distrust all of themself?

    2. sues423 says:

      Great question gabbanzobean. Very interesting point!

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        LOL. Thank you, I guess. Haha. I’m still trying to understand. I feel sometimes I do but then I don’t. Does that make any sense? 🤔

    3. MLA - Clarece says:

      Hey G-bean! Did you decide if you are going to reach out to him for his birthday?

      1. gabbanzobean says:

        Hi Clarece. Nope not yet. It’s still a thought that swirls around in my head. I have until July 13 make up my mind. I’ll keep you posted LOL. 🤔

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          OMG! JN’s birthday is at the end of July. There’s always HG’s idea in Revenge of putting their email or address on subscription lists for like home health aids for the elderly or in your case maybe the catalog to Lover’s Lane (lingerie and sex toys) going to the house could cause a ruckus for the old birthday celebration. lol Although I think I’d want to be 6-12 months of complete NC to make that move to be out of sight out of mind for quite some time. Hopefully after that long, I wouldn’t even care to. But it is a fun thought…

          1. gabbanzobean says:

            If I did anything it would be email. I am long distance, 850 miles away. And I am fairly certain he removed me from his phone since the last time I texted/called he gave me the BS line that the phone broke and he lost my number. And that is IF I decide to. Right now I go back and forth between “F no” and “hmmm…maybe”. Meh.

      2. Love says:

        Cancer males are supposed to be my most compatible sign, but I haven’t had any luck with them. They’re mostly victim narcs.

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          Who have you been most compatible with? Maybe your rising sign and moon sign are playing into that too? My mom was and is still very interested in all of that and I used to follow it more when I was younger.

          1. Love says:

            Hi Clarece. I’ve been with men of all 12 signs and all have been narcs. So the conclusion: I was incompatible with all of them. 😁

      3. ava101 says:

        That’s an interesting observation, love. 🙂 I never could relate to cancers either. Too retreating into their shell, going backwards and sidewards. I love pisces. My ex-narc is the same sign as HG.

      4. ava101 says:

        BTW, what are you, Love?

        1. Love says:

          Scorpio. What about you Ava?

      5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        My ex who was a cancer said in an early interaction under his breathe “yeah im a cancer to everyone meet”

      6. ava101 says:

        Love, Scorpio suits you really well, your sensual side and also your carrer side.
        I am an Aquarius, moon sign Aquarius. 🙂 Totally incompatible with those at the opposite part of the wheel: Cancer, Leo, and, you’ve guessed it, Virgo.

        1. Love says:

          Thank you Ava. ❤ That’s so sweet of you! I don’t know if it is my astrological sign or empath type that makes me so emotional. Btw, my best friend who is an Aquarius helps ground me.

      7. ava101 says:

        Love, 🙂 yes, Aquarians are more hm … a little more analytical and not as much swimming with the emotions as water signs do. Which does not mean that the emotions don’t run deep.
        My first love [either narc traits or narc who’s IPSS I was] is a Scorpio. I have never experienced another sign that is really so much flowing along with emotions as Scorpions do. Also very mystical. Water is the erotic element.
        But you are also very sensible natures. My mind is more in the realm of ideas and planning, I believe Scorpio’s minds’ are more action and result driven or just more realistic.

        1. Love says:

          Oh Ava, I am only sensible and grounded in my career. My personal life is an explosion of emotions. Yes, eroticism is a very important element for us. I watched a video of Sam V and his wife talking about their 0 sex life last night. His wife said she’s accepted it. It would literally destroy me if I was forbidden to be sexual/sensual with the person I love. It is crucial for my existence.

      8. ava101 says:

        I know, Love. 😉
        So avoid cerebral higher narcs altogether. 😉 My not-so-sex-enjoying Virgo ex-narc himself was the reason why I kept in contact with my lower-narc-lover (water sign). 😉

        The relationship of Sam V. and his wife is an interesting one for sure. 🙂
        I think it’s possible when one has gotten used to it and when most experiences were crappy and not really sensual anyways. Not very fulfilling though, seems more like being room mates to me personally.

        1. windstorm2 says:

          That’s the way my marriage was. It was more of a contract. In a way I can’t miss what I never had, but I have often wondered what a sensual relationship would be like. Might not have liked it. I’m a pretty cerebral person myself.
          It is a very stable relationship though. Have to live separately to have boundaries, but we talk and see each other several times a week. I’m out for lunch and a movie with him now. This makes 44 years.

          1. Love says:

            Wow Windstorm. 44 years! Narc or normal, most people never achieve such a long-term relationship. May you have 44 more years in happiness of course! 💗

          2. windstorm2 says:

            Ha, ha Love! In happiness would be nice this time! But I sure don’t want 44 more!

  27. lansealan says:

    Um…this triggers immense saddness for me. Beieve it or not, I got somewhat used to not having love or affection reciprocated. Obviously it would have been nice, but I think I just decided that it is what it is. What makes me sad…and still does, is the fact you aren’t able to experience the most pleasurable, meaningful and purposeful emotions. The ones that give life to the soul. Jot this testimony down in your notes HG…I stayed with the ex for years not in hope of a more intimate relationship(I realized early that would not be the case) but by willingly sacrificing my own needs and wants TO hopefully be able to teach this person, this dark soul…HOW to experience those feelings. Yes I’m sad…and I don’t pity you(that would be disrespectful) I’m sad for you as well HG…I’m sad you can’t experience the fullness and bliss of life ONLY those emotions can foster. I’m sad because they are obtainable…even for you. You just can’t reach high enough to pick the fruit…because you can’t reach deep enough into your soul first. Yes, that makes me sad 😞

    1. Sarah says:

      There’s an array of beautiful empathic women to choose from here. What you see is what you get.
      A blind date perhaps, HG could be Graham and give us a ‘quick recap’ because he’s gorra lorra lorra bottle. Just avoid the name ‘Clurr’ (Claire).

      1. I’d prefer if we avoided the name Graham…. 😅

    2. MLA - Clarece says:

      I get that! We aren’t getting any younger. Even HG. We all want to still be able to experience the fullness and bliss of life and have someone by our side to truly share that with.

  28. shantily says:

    HG what does being low on fuel feel like to you ? Boredom ? Agitation? Physical illness?

    Thank you in advance


    1. HG Tudor says:

      There is restlessness, irritation, a sense of emptiness, a sense of the world collapsing, of not being there.

      1. Sarah says:

        Have you ever had a really BSD dissassociative episode, where you’ve physically fallen to the floor in a black out kind of way? Anxious emotion type feelings, like your Virtual Reality helmet is being tampered with (that’show I describe my anxiety attacks), where everything seems unsturdy around you, like it’s crumbling in slow motion?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          No Sarah, I haven’t.

          1. Yolo says:


            I have felt these emotions, anxiety and panic attacks are underrated. I felt like I was dying.

          2. Violet says:

            I have Sarah and it was at the time I was stepping out of the narcissist family although I didn’t know it. And so looking back it represented the crumbling of one world in which I’d lived for 25 years and stepping into the truth. It meant losing everything and hence those overwhelming sensations.
            They stopped when I built confidence that my truth was the truth and stopping myself listening to them. Gosh they make you so ill.

      2. Sarah says:

        Ignore the BSD. Predictive text error.

      3. MLA - Clarece says:

        When was the last time an episode like that happened? I would venture to say, that since starting the blog, you always have the opportunity to come here now and interact with your readers, although tertiary sources, if you were feeling low on fuel in your personal life, to curb those sensations. Do you think that is a reason why the doctors suggested this to you initially? It would be a way to possibly dull the need to lash out or provoke for negative fuel too as much?

      4. gabbanzobean says:

        I Definitely saw these traits with my mid range. He showed these traits frequently…maybe he had some kind of a “lack of fuel” thing going on now that I reflect back to the situation? Is it possible for one of your kind to frequently run low on fuel? Specifically a mid/ ranger? Is there something else that might cause the same feelings that you described above, to happen?

        1. HG Tudor says:

          It is entirely possible, yes.

      5. shantily says:

        Thank you

    2. Sarah says:

      1ST JUNE
      Which can only mean one thing. A deliciously juicy HG interview via e-mail.

      1. shantily says:

        :)) can’t wait to hear it
        Happy Narc Abuse survivor Day all !!

      2. Haha. Is HG your payday treat?

  29. Ms brown says:

    i have been further enlightened… and ANYONE that reads this should be as well… TY, HG 🔆🔅🔆

  30. These handful of negative emotions are hardly emotions.
    I rarely feel them, most of them never. It’s more sadness among those I feel sometimes, for negative people like Indy.

    1. Indy says:

      Nah, I piss you off and trigger envy. No one with sadness for me would tell me would call me names, label me a narc, say I’m “kissing ass” and make reference to my “holier than thou professional degree”.

      If you are gonna smear me, get the facts right 😆

      1. MLA - Clarece says:

        Don’t even take the bait Indy…
        Write to me instead. You don’t even have to defend yourself. So many, including me, see your compassion towards others and what a bright shining light you exhibit!!

        1. Indy says:

          Thanks MLA, I really appreciate it. I’m actually not effected by what she says about me personally, that stuff is funny. It’s the verbal abuse toward others here and the constant mistruths being peddled as fact and twisted around. I am sensitive about others being targeted and information in psych being misrepresented. However, I need to remember “it’s not my monkey, not my circus.”

          Happy WNAAD, MLA ❤️ Cheers 🍻

          1. windstorm2 says:

            Ha, ha Indy!
            That’s one of my exhusband’s favorite sayings! Not my monkeys, not my circus. Always makes me laugh! 😂

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            I’ve actually been taken aback a couple of times at how quickly a crass insult can come out of left field, so then I just keep scrolling… Lol
            Enjoy your night!!

      2. Twilight says:


        Just let them hang themselves.
        People here know what kind of person you are. The words you write says volumes of who you are.

        1. Indy says:

          Thank you Twilight for your kind words. ❤️ We are learning everyday, I have to remember when to disengage 😂 And I’m am ok, no worries.

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        You don’t act holier than thou at all.

        Sounds like emotional detective has got a real hard-on for you 😂.

      4. VPArribas says:

        Great response Indy

      5. Yolo says:

        Funny, it seems like triangulation. It appears that some have it all together. Wasting time to explain who, what, or how they are. Looking for validation from anyone,look how far I have came; in theory I can debate or question others knowledge because I am a certified drug counselor. 😴I have left one dependency for another. We really bonded after the Trump post, let me enjoy this new found power here since I can not in reality. Your true recovery stems from validation from H.G. or his bloggers. Not from within, not from studying, or any psychology degree or tech certificate.
        What you see on here is what HG allows via moderator. He has the ability to gather information and compartmentalize for his audience. In addition to his personal experience and his own disorder. I am leary when anyone offers scientific research based on past experiences. We could include HG in this category 😊 I wouldn’t because I dont know him. I don’t know if he’s doing a blind study. I don’t care to recall or research if it would be consider valid without the participants knowledge. Maybe, its written in the acknowledgements. Read before clicking😊… No one opinion matters here, everyone is here for education or destruction. Pride before destruction…

        1. Indy says:

          Hi Yolo,
          I’m not sure who you were directing your comment, confused by some of the message. Could you clarify, thank you? Seeming someone has it together(who are you referencing?) ? Triangulation on whose part? Sincere questions as it was a bit vague though placed under my comment.

    2. Indy is negative? How so?
      Granted I’ve only been around here for a few months but I’ve read enough to ascertain the opposite is true in my opinion.
      I haven’t yet seen enough of you to form a fair opinion but based on what I have seen and inparticular this post, my gut is screaming out projection. Moreso provocation. The need for you to direct your statement of negative people at one specific person says far more about you than her.
      I’ve learnt to trust my gut.

      1. windstorm2 says:

        No kidding KarenCN, cracked me up the idea of Indy being a negative person. 😄

    3. ava101 says:


    4. Love says:

      Emotion D, what the heck happened? Indy is far far from a negative person. She is loving and compassionate. Maybe there was a misunderstanding, maybe you got the wrong impression. Use your empathy and try again with her. 💜

      1. sues423 says:

        Seems like there’s no empathy to use….

      2. sues423 says:

        Narcissist is what was on my mind when I said “seems like there’s no empathy to use”.

    5. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

      Emotional detective,

      I’m truly baffled by your nasty comments toward Indy. Furthermore, it is even more bizarre that you have managed to target one of the most considerate people on the blog. She is always insightful and quite thoughtful in the way in which she acknowledges and validates other peoples feelings and perspectives.

      1. sues423 says:

        Sefish behavior to gain ATTENTION.
        Who better to target then the one that will be the most unbelievable, hence more attention.

      2. sues423 says:


    6. Love says:

      Emotion D, I was on the WNAAD YouTube site today and saw that you said in the chat box that you were scared to come back to Mr. Tudor’s blog. Would you like to state why? As far as I’ve read, no one has harassed or bullied you. You’ve been allowed to express yourself freely. So why would you say that?

      1. Indy says:

        Hi Love,
        Because she was called out on her behaviors on several previous posts over the past couple of months and did not receive support for her tactics. She is playing the victim, a well known tool used by folks that have no leg to stand on. If you add up the behaviors demonstrated here over time: mistruths, invalidation of others experiences, projection, deflection, denial, twisting facts, verbal abuse, smearing, being haughty with how she presents her “data”, being arrogant with HG (talks down to him, though its laughable), and now…it seems playing the victim and smearing outside this blog. She is seeking sympathy attention.

        1. HG Tudor says:

          Entirely correct.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            Who is a mid?

          2. Twilight says:


            I have been curious as to why she would never really “speak” to me, except to make sly remarks. Yet she would never “debate ” with me like she would others.
            Did it have to do with me pretty much telling her I doubt she was a super empath and would debate that issue with her?
            My curiously is more to confirm what I believe.

          3. HG Tudor says:

            I suspect that is correct.

          4. HG Tudor says:

            Thanks for clarifying. Yes, correct.

          5. Thanks for verifying.
            I’m getting good at this.
            My education is paying off 😉

          6. HG Tudor says:

            Good. This is in part why I allow such interactions so readers can make their own assessments and apply it he knowledge they’ve garnered.

          7. That and we have THE best tutor. Naturally.

        2. MLA - Clarece says:

          Sympathy attention and just playing dirty trying to give HG bad reviews…

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It is never a sensible move to cross me in such a manner but we all know why it has happened.

          2. All publicity is good publicity.
            The intrigue would have done it for me if I had been an HG virgin.

          3. Indy says:

            Yes, smearing.

        3. Love says:

          Yes, Indy. I admit I found all her generalizations very amusing (ex. All narcs are privileged fat short blind white men/women with no memory before the age of 3 – who were raised with love in abuse-free homes).
          Given these specifications, I never have been with a narc. 😂
          I can see how this is misleading to any new readers that are confused and still trying to understand what happened to them. Also, she creates fear in others by stating she’s afraid to return to the blog.

          1. Indy says:

            Hi Love,
            I have faith that people that have inquiring minds will check out his work and make a decision for themselves. They need to consider the source of the smearing.

            Topic change 😊How are you doing these days? I think of you and the progress you have made and all your hard work. It’s inspirational 😊

          2. Love says:

            You are right Indy. People will find the truth. Thank you for asking about me. You are too kind. ❤ I am doing good. A firm believer in acupuncture now. It does wonders. My therapist is encouraging me to meditate. I am very new at it, but am open and excited to see where it takes me. How are you? Is it hot and humid where you are now?

          3. Indy says:

            Hi Love (Scorpio!!)
            How often do you get acupuncture? I’ve used it a couple of times but ended up doing massage therapy instead. I’ve heard great things though. What has it helped you with? Ahhhh meditation!! Give it time. That is s journey in itself. Remember, there is no wrong way and not judge yourself in the process..just find your way 😊 Once I did that, it was a tool I could use and actually enjoy sometimes too. It also helps to find a good anchor when starting out. Would love to hear how that goes!!

            It’s 80s and not too humid. It’s perfect. Hanging with my family at the pool this weekend. Thank God it’s Friday!!! May have a couple of adult drinks. Summer plans?

            Indy (Capricorn, yeah we get a bad rap haha )

          4. Love says:

            Oh Indy, my close friends are mostly Capricorns. You guys are good peeps. I was doing acupuncture twice a week. Now it is once a week. The therapists joke that I need my name on a room for as much as I’m there. I just need the extra hand holding. It is a relationship you can’t build with a western med doctor. Thank you for your tips on meditation. I will continue on. Massage is excellent. I believe empaths need to touch and be touched. 💜

          5. Indy says:

            Wow! Twice a week!! I bet you got so much out of it with that frequency. The couple of times I did it, I did feel a warming sensation to parts of my body. I am curious about your physical and mental experiences (If HG is OK with this as I know it is a bit off topic, though it does relate to recovery.)
            So proud of you and your progress, Love <3
            Yes, for some people, touch is needed to heal. The body holds some of the traumatic memories, according to some clinicians (Van Der Kolk writes about this in his books, including The Body Keeps Score, excellent book if you haven't read it yet). I agree with his suggestions. My body definitely holds my emotions. Massages for me are just as crucial as my therapy.

            Hope you are doing well!
            Indy, Earth Mother Cappy 😉

            My son is a Scorpio-Libra cusp, though he is so Scorpio. Needless to say, he had a lot of girlfriends while growing up! Sensuality is definitely a Scorpio trait, with a touch of fire to keep others from crossing the line. I always think of Scorpios as water-sensual people with lots of sexy heat!!
            Us Cappy's are more earthy and quiet until the party hats come out. Then the undercover humor and naughty comes out 😉

          6. Love says:

            I call my Cappy friends ‘Undercover freaks’. Lol
            As you may remember, I was having problems sleeping and staying asleep. I didn’t want to take the dangerous sleeping meds I had been prescribed. I can feel an energy movement when acupuncture needles are inserted. Especially the ones at the crown of my head. After each session, I feel so relaxed. I feel so much better and my sleep has improved greatly within just 2 months of acupuncture. And I did it drug free! Thank you Indy for all your love and support. 💕

          7. Indy says:

            All kinds of Awesomeness!!!

      2. sues423 says:

        Now the victim … stirs the pot… pokes the bear… and then acts like the innocent bystander that’s going to get attacked by the bully’s .

        1. MLA - Clarece says:

          What will be most interesting is if a period of time goes by to let this die down and then she reappears in a week or two jumping in with the usual comments like nothing has happened in true Narc fashion.

          1. HG Tudor says:

            It will be less than a week.

          2. MLA - Clarece says:

            I think it ended up being less than 48 hrs by the looks this morning… Jeesh!

      3. Dr. Harleen Quinzel PsyD says:

        Emotional detective,

        I look forward to reading your research on mirror neurons in “the little book of empathy.”

        Maybe then we will finally know your credentials.

      4. sues423 says:

        I guess ED is having a hard time trying to implement NO CONTACT.. from the bully’s , may need a refresher coarse 😎

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