15 Boundary Breakers

15 BOUNDARY BREAKERS

 

We never respect boundaries, do not regard them as applicable to us, whether those boundaries are accepted social conventions or boundaries enshrined in law, we have little or no regard for them. These rules, procedures, conventions and laws are for the little people, not titans such as us. We go where we want, when we want and do what we want. Driven by our astonishing sense of entitlement, absent empathy and innate superiority, we smash through barriers and boundaries every day. This is a total mind set which we adopt and the examples of this are legion. Here are fifteen instance of our boundary breaking behaviours.

  1. Anything of yours is automatically ours.
  2. You are an extension of us.
  3. We make you feel guilty if you say no to us.
  4. We make you believe that you are something that you are not.
  5. We ignore and/or deny your needs.
  6. We invade your spaces.
  7. We allow your sense of self-esteem and self-worth to be eroded.
  8. We make you solely responsible for our needs.
  9. We make you say “yes” to us through a sense of obligation.
  10. We make you feel it is necessary to always please us.
  11. We treat you unequally.
  12. We fail to support you.
  13. We expect you to agree with us all of the time.
  14. We expect you to read our minds so you do what we want.
  15. We dominate your resources – time, energy, attention, socialising, money and emotions.
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29 thoughts on “15 Boundary Breakers”

  1. Yep. I used to say, what’s mine is his, and what’s his is his daughter’s. With 20/20 vision I now recognise she was as bad as him.

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  2. As stupid as this sounds I never knew what a boundary was until 2 years ago. Now that is telling you something very serious. 😨

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    1. I was in the same boat as you SVR… somehow mine tried to reassert themselves after a time… sort of to rebalance… but I still had no idea what they were until after I left him…

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    2. Hi SVR,
      No not stupid at all. Some people never learn boundaries. You are on a journey of getting stronger and self respect by drawing the line between yourself and others on what someone can say or do to you! I didn’t know until adulthood, and still I have to draw lines again and again. It does feel good, after time and practice. It first it can feel really hard. Good for you on having those limits.

      one i learned recently was saying no and reminding myself that no one has the power to make us think, feel or do anything (unless they have a gun to our head). And even then, when we have no choice over circumstances ourside of us, we have choices in how to respond. (Paraphrasing Viktor Frankl).

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    3. Hi SVR, doesn’t sound stupid to me! I never knew either until about 5 months ago when I started reading about narcs. No wonder I attracted narcs when I had no personal boundaries!
      Least we know now though hey 😊

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    4. Hi SVR!
      Don’t feel bad, I didn’t either.
      It wasn’t til I started reading here and when I got into therapy that I learned about it. My therapist wanted me to work on a list of boundaries and I didn’t really understand that I didn’t know what it meant.
      It was the line in the sand that my ex kept crossing. I can see looking back how she started it and how far she got with me. And then add in that I couldn’t say “no”.
      I have learned a lot in this past year.

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      1. I can really relate to that Snow White. I’ve never understood boundaries either and had that same experience in therapy. I have gained some understanding now, but saying “no” is still very hard and painful for me.

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      2. Hi Snow!!!

        How are you doing? Missed seeing you around here! How’s summer so far? Do you get summers off?
        Best,
        Indy

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      3. HI INDY!!!
        I have missed you too.
        I am off for the summer. Yay!!!
        But all I have done is paperwork and research for all of my son’s schooling and medication coming up. It’s draining me but I think of you and HG every time someone tells me I can’t do that.
        I’m the one saying “NO” this time to everything that they have to say.
        I just pushed the school district a step further and I have pissed many people off but too bad. I wouldn’t have taken this to where it’s at a year ago but I am sooo much stronger now.

        And then on the first day of my new schedule I sprained my foot and ended up breaking down at the gym due to the pain and memories it brought back from the past few years. I can’t believe I was crying in another public place. Lol!!!!!
        I couldn’t help thinking of who was around witnessing that and thinking how beautiful my tears were and if they were targeting me thinking of how good my fuel is. Oh the things that come to mind to me on a daily basis. Lol.
        All thanks to HG

        How are you?????
        Have you listened to the WNAAD podcasts? I’ve listened to HG of course and I listened to a little bit about EDMR and some of Sandra talking about the professions that attract the narcissists
        You and are PRIME!!! Lol😂
        But I already knew that because HG tells us everything.

        Sending hugs to you Indy! ❤️🍎❤️

        HG, you should have had a whole day dedicated just to you!!!!!
        You have the best knowledge out there.

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      4. Hi Snow,
        I hear your strength from all the way down here in GA 🙂 Huge progress, Snow! I think of you and your sweet son and I know the battles that my grandson will face in the years to come in the school system too. He is doing really well, though they are not challenging him enough. Time to call another meeting. Ugh. His parents are tired of the battles. I understand though Nana wants to take them all on now. LOL

        I am good. No dating yet. Still shaky on it. I have listened to HGs (which was tops, of course 🙂 I listened to one other, though I already forgot her name, on the special traits. I am planning on getting to the others soon, especially the EMDR one. What did you think of it, so far? Professions, yes….hahahhaha….teachers and counselors. We are both potential targets as we are looked upon as of the “empathic” fields of work, (along with nurses and such) though it is also a good cover for a narcissist too, especially those ones that think they are really empathic(pesky mid rangers). Ugh. So much potential damage if it is directed at the children, students and clients 🙁 It hurts to hear such stories of those practicing unethically and harmfully.

        Oh, I am so sorry about your sprained foot. Those tears are nothing to be ashamed of, though I understand. I hide mine a lot to the point that it is sometimes hard for me to cry. I was just mentioning to Love today about this book that talks about the idea that our bodies hold our emotions, trapped from traumas from the past. Your sprained ankle experience reminded me of this again. Have you read Van Der Kolk’s book, The Body Keeps Score? Its a good read. Weird how this topic has come up twice today. I wonder if it is a sign for me to look at this topic more in my own life….hmmm. I need a massage 🙂

        Hugs and Apples, sweet Snow 🙂

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  3. Yep right on the money. What’s mine was his and what’s his was his. Never respected boundaries or authority. He was above the law and made his own rules.

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  4. I just asked my narc monster if he will buy me a divorce ring to replace my wedding ring. He froze for a second then turned irritaited while saying what is wrong with you don’t tell me this I don’t want to hear your ideas! I ignored him and said I want a ruby ring, and I’m starting a new trend. He is going to miss me. Or my fuel big time.

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  5. Thanks to my dear daddy I’m back to medications now.
    The only way to be around him is to be stoned. It takes away the pain of being treated like a slave and I can say “sorry I didn’t do what you asked me right away because I was selfishly doing something very important to me like having to go to the bathroom so you had to wait, in pain, for me to bring you the newspaper from the kitchen table to the couch where you were sitting” with no problems.

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  6. I have learned narcs will manipulate mental, intellectual, financial, physical, emotional and sexual boundaries. Bassfishes.
    Guarding my heart, mind, and soul.

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  7. HG I have experienced all of the above from a midranger. Is this behaviour deliberate from the midrangers perspective? Do they know that they are doing it?

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  8. Hello Windstorm!
    I agree with you. I have still have a hard time myself but I have been getting better at it. This site has taught me a lot and I it opened my eyes on how my ex took that word out of my vocabulary. Many times I knew I should have and I just brushed everything under the rug because I never wanted to upset or challenge her.

    I don’t know how my daughter is so different from me. She just wrote an article for her university about all the reasons why it’s appropriate for you to say “no”. That word just rolls off her tongue. Lol

    I’m trying g to get her to write an article about narcissism. Writing is an incredible power and I think she could educate some professionals on campus.

    Hope you are doing ok❤️❤️

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    1. Hey Snow! Glad your back here! I’m doing great. Enjoying my summer off as well!
      Sounds like our daughters have a lot in common! Mine has certainly never had any trouble saying “no”! She has no trouble setting boundaries either. She’s definitely a super empath with a hair trigger on the supernova!
      My personal opinion on why she’s so different from me (in addition to genetics) is that she grew up in a family where everybody knew who was a narc/codependant/doormat/substance abuser and yes – even super empath. While she saw much abuse, she learned why it was happening and how to protect herself. We are alike in that we both patterned ourselves after a grandmother. Me after my mothers mom who was a very caring spiritual empath doormat and my daughter after her dad’s fiery super empath mom.
      My take on this is we should both rejoice that our daughters will be able to better take care of themselves than we were. 😊

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      1. Hey Windstorm2,
        Happy Summer to you☀️
        Being off for the summer is the best!!! Lol

        Yes, setting boundaries is second nature to her also where I had no clue. I keep telling her that I’m worried that she is headed for HG’s side. Lol

        Your description was perfect. I am just like you and your mother’s mom and my daughter resembles the other side. My daughters’ traits come from my husband. Head strong with a lot of common sense and the ability to see through people and not to be taken advantage of.

        They certainly will do much better than we did.
        One thing to be grateful for.

        I hope there is some wonderful weather where you are. 😊

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  9. Yes, thanks Snow! The weather has been coolish for June and that’s how I like it! It is always a joy to find commonalities with someone else! Have a great summer! I know I plan to!! 😄

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