5 Central Questions – The Lesser



I have come across these five questions on a number of occasions. They are often regarded as the five fundamental queries which are raised about our behaviour. They are usually answered in a forthright manner by certain commentators in order to drive the message home. However, these observations and answers are provided by people who are not of our kind. They are naturally entitled to comment but the true value arises from someone who is on the other side of the fence, the perpetrator of the actions, the doer. Furthermore, the usual observations are provided without regard to the fact that narcissists are both similar yet different because we operate in certain schools which are linked to our degree of functioning and malign outlook. Accordingly, the traditional answer provided to one of these questions may be correct for the greater of our kind, but not for the mid-range or for the lesser narcissist. Here are the five answers to the five central questions, beginning with those of our kind who are from the lesser school.

  1. Do we know what we are doing?

The lesser does not know. He or she is a creature of knee-jerk reactions, impulse responses and almost machine like programming. The lesser narcissist behaves in his or her manner as a matter of routine response. Push button A and you will get response A. Push button B and you will get response B. It is an unsophisticated system for an unsophisticated person. The lesser narcissist is something of a blunt instrument and has no understanding as to why he or she acts in this way. Out of all of our kind if you try to get a lesser to understand what they are doing, that they must realise what is happening and they are aware of their behaviour, you really may as well go and find a brick wall and slam your head against it as it will be more productive. The lesser does not know and your questions will only serve to enrage him for yes, again reasons he does not know, only that he knows he does not like your questions and he wants you stop asking them so you had better do so or else.

  1. Do you know that you are hurting people?

The lesser may be low-functioning but he or she will know that he or she is hurting people. They are not so stupid as not to not recognise that whatever he or she is doing is causing pain, distress and upset to somebody else. They recognise such emotions even though they do not feel those emotions themselves. They see the product of their behaviours and like all of our kind extract fuel from this although they will not understand that this is what they are doing. They will not recognise the concept of fuel. Instead the lesser narcissist will just regard the reaction of the victim as their own fault and they deserved it because they did something the narcissist did not like. The lesser often cannot even point to what it is that the victim has done that has provoked the annoyance, the irritation and the ignition of fury and being invited to do so just increases the hostile reaction. There are occasions when the lesser will respond sometimes with something specific but more often with a general expression along the lines of:

“You just wind me up.”

“You know how to push my buttons.”

“You get on my nerves.”

“You really bug me sometimes.”

The lesser experiences the irritation, the annoyance and the ignition of fury but does not know why and therefore he is not in a position to tell you what it is that has caused him to hurt you, but he just has to, because once he has, the irritation and so forth recedes. He has gathered fuel and addresses the restlessness that comes with the low provision. He has gathered fuel and repaired the wound caused by your criticism (real or more likely perceived) but he doesn’t not know that this is the process. He sees the hurt he causes but has no idea why he is doing it.

  1. Is the behaviour deliberate?

With the lesser it is not deliberate. He or she does not plan to respond in the way that he or she does, it just happens. There is no scheming or plotting with the lesser narcissist, they are not of sufficient function to achieve this. In the same way that if you are hit on the knee with a small hammer there will (usually) be a reflexive action, it is the same for the lesser. He needs fuel, although he does not realise this. He needs to provoke you but again does not realise this. He just reacts and responds. He is a victim of some unseen and unknown higher force that causes him to react. He is already programmed this way but has not been granted any insight or understanding into why he acts as he does. This is why the lesser narcissist will never accept there is anything wrong with him, why he will never admit that he is defective in some way and why he will never concede that he is a narcissist. This is how he is. Isn’t everyone else this way as well? He has no ability to recognise what he is doing. I appreciate that this is often one of the hardest things for a victim to understand. Surely the narcissist knows what he or she is doing? How can they not see it? If you can, why can’t they? This is because they have been wired in a different way to you and with a lesser narcissist this means that their world view is so different that they consider it the only way that people behave and that there is nothing wrong with it.

  1. Can you control it?

In the same way that you might think that the lesser narcissist must surely understand what they are doing, you would expect that they can control it. The answer is that they cannot. As I have explained, their responses are programmed and they do not act in the same way as you. It is knee-jerk, immediate and automatic. For instance, let us say that you are walking along the street when you see a large man running towards you. You will do the following:

  1. Regard the behaviour that you can see;
  2. Evaluate what that behaviour means;
  3. Consider the range of responses available to you;
  4. Consider the most appropriate to the situation;
  5. Consider the consequence of such action;
  6. Execute your response.

Thus you realise the man is just out jogging because as he nears you he is wearing sports kit and headphones, so you keep on walking and smile at him, he returns the smile and all is well.

The lesser narcissist sees the behaviour and then responded. Parts b through to e are omitted. This is why the response, viewed through your world lens, may seem disproportionate, outrageous and wrong. To the lesser narcissist, it just is and why are you complaining about it?

The lesser narcissist has an extremely low ability to control his behaviours because of this programming. Whereas the mid-range and greater (as I shall explain separately) can exert control, evaluate and form decisions before responding, the lesser cannot. This is why lesser narcissists have a greater propensity to more extreme responses, including physical violence, because they cannot control their actions and do not evaluate the repercussions of that action. They just react.

  1. Can they stop it?

It is often thought that our kind can stop our behaviours and therefore if we do not we must be enjoying what we are doing. With the lesser of our kind they can no more stop what they are doing than you can halt a runaway train with your bare hands. The lesser is a creature of response and reaction. It happens and if you are in the way when it happens, that is your fault. He does not know why he behaves this way so has no basis for stopping it. He is programmed to respond in a knee-jerk manner and therefore is unable to stop the behaviour. If you tell him to stop, you are tapping in to this inability to control his behaviour and this amounts to fuel or a criticism (if delivered emotion free) but in either instance all it will do is cause the behaviour to continue, although the lesser will not know this. In some respects, this lack of understanding, insight and control makes the lesser of our kind a pitiful creature but in other respects it makes him especially volatile and dangerous.

24 thoughts on “5 Central Questions – The Lesser

  1. Mercy says:

    Can a lesser become a mid? Can a mid become a greater? Will knowledge graduate them to the next level?

    1. HG Tudor says:


  2. K says:

    The lessers are very volatile and dangerous; you never knew when they would lash out. I avoided my family as much as possible because I was always afraid of being physically assaulted. My motto was: run, hide and never let them see you cry. They, also, did not spend a lot of energy masking-up and when they did, they did not do a very good job of it; they seemed lazy. I lived with blank-faced robots or faces filled with hatred. I learned very quickly not to smile, ever, when around my family.

    2. The lesser experiences the irritation, the annoyance and the ignition of fury but does not know why…

    3. Isn’t everyone else this way as well? He has no ability to recognise what he is doing.

    These 2 make sense to me, except I recognize that something is not right. Fear and irritation both apply.

  3. mistynolan01 says:

    I worked for an educated lesser (lawyer). Once, while he was giving me instruction, I turned around and began to take notes on what he was saying. I detected by the way he sidled up to my desk and examined what I was writing, that he had the thought that I may have been ignoring him, which made no sense as he signs my paycheck, and I detected his disappointment at a missed opportunity to unload some venom on my head when he discovered that my writing reflected his instruction. Pretty sure I was right as I had witnessed his insecurities as well as his immediate furious reaction to perceived slights, having once even being a recipient of it.

    A greater, in my mind, would never have had the thought that I would ignore hm, secure in the knowledge that I, of course(!) was hanging on to his every word and taking notes to assure accuracy in carrying out his assignment. I could be wrong, and please correct me if so.

    A lesser would never attract me, as I couldn’t respect his knee-jerk reactions and unimaginative way of thinking, which I’d detect in short order. The greater is a narc to respect, even if sometimes out of fear of his calculated machinations and stealthy planning. (I love a challenge and a man steeped in hegemony, especially as presented in a greater.)

    I’ll end now before I’m perceived to be sucking up. 😉

  4. Jenna says:

    Hg, i read in your reply to a commenter that you hate mid-rangers. But i would think from your description of the lesser, that you hate them more? Which is the case HG?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      I find them both contemptuous.

      1. Carroll says:

        Lol why

  5. horseyak says:

    I have a Lesser brother who knows exactly how to behave– when he wants something , so I wonder about your assertion that they are not particularly cognizant of what they do. Just my opinion, of course.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      That is his instinct.

  6. gabbanzobean says:

    Very well explained HG!
    Having dealt with a middle range I’m very much looking forward to your article summarizing their behavior.

    Will you be discussing the other types as well? Most notably cerebral? Just wondering. Thank you!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you. These articles appertain to the schools, rather than the cadres.

  7. What an informative piece! One of my favourites so far and it’s definitely going into my box of tools.
    The man running towards you analogy was EXCELLENT. Something so difficult to get my head around and understand has been cleared up in an instant with that analogy! I know I will refer back to that time and time again.
    Thank you so much HG!

    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome KCN.

  8. Swtsusan says:

    Thank you HG, this post helped me gain insight.

    I am the caregiver to an elderly woman that is a lesser. It’s a constant walk on egg shells to not set her off as she frequently takes what we say completely out of context.

    Hence my last question posed to you about fuel. I Wonder if when negative rages come, could that be replaced by positive fuel to allow for a more Pleasant work environment?

    Again, much appreciation for your contribution into this perplexing infliction.


    1. HG Tudor says:

      You are welcome.

    2. mistynolan01 says:

      I worked for an upper lesser, an attorney. I found that the more I tried to appease him to make for a better working environment, the more he stuck a knife in and twisted. Once I’ve developed a an attitude of “I don’t give a damn,” and actually told him that I won’t be spoken to in an ugly manner, he moved on to others who gave him the desired reactions. In your case, I wouldn’t recommend the same course, but I would steel myself to repel her nasty attitude with kind words and actions, and if she snipes, comfort yourself with the knowledge that she’s a sick old evil bitch that’s on her way out. Then just smile inwardly. 🤗

  9. Monica says:

    HG, what’s the difference between you and a psychopath? Have you ever been entangled with someone with the same psychological make up as you and who beat you at your own game? We all have that one person who really f’ed us over, don’t we?

    1. HG Tudor says:

      There isn’t a difference.
      You might suggest MatriNarc fucked me over, but that was just the battle, the war is ongoing and it is one which I will win.

  10. Suckerfornarcopaths says:

    Thank you for this, and for what I presume will be additional future insights into the behaviors of the middle narc and perhaps degrees in between. It is often difficult to read your personal insights about the greater of your kind and not think that you can help it or change it; there can often also be a disconnect between what you describe about greaters and the behaviors some of us experienced that can create doubts about whether we were actually victims of an np or not. Knowing and understanding the lessers and mids can help provide better insights and tools for those of us who weren’t exposed to some of the more extreme ranges of behavior, and yet were nonetheless severely damaged.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Thank you and you are welcome.

  11. Susan says:

    Jimmy Fallon??? Is he familiar with your work? Holy Moly!!

  12. Brian says:

    Is the class of lower related to their charm?
    So a lower-lesser would be that bloke on the council estate who has a long criminal record, few friends.
    I think I met an upper-lesser once, always angry at someone, had an unsophisticated charm which appealed to other lessers.

    1. HG Tudor says:

      Along the right lines.

      1. Brian says:

        This explains a lot 😀

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