Poll – HG Wants To Know – What Are You?
So, last time it was about those of my kind that you had become entangled with but let’s turn the spotlight on to you (only for a moment though, you know that cannot be allowed for long) and I would like to know how you regard yourself. Do you recognise that you are co-dependent or is that not the case and instead you release that you are a standard empath who has plenty of empathic qualities but you do not go so far as to flagellate yourself as the co-dependent will and you do not behave in the manner of the Super Empath? Are you that Super Empath who is a mixture of narcissistic traits but you have greater and more numerous empathic traits. Perhaps you are a normal who has been ensnared by our kind and you have few narcissistic traits and few empathic ones and you often wonder why you somehow became entangled with us. Or do you not know, if so, state as such and keep reading! Let me know and also tell me why you consider yourself to fall in to that category.
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That is what you were going to inform me, was it not?
I went through life helping and doing for others to detriment of self. Eventually after many many years of this I said: why do I always attract people with problems? I was getting tired and unconsciously found myself pulling away from draining people. I then became friends with a female that needed lots of help (now I believe was all made up, she a narc) then during this time a male narc appeared on the scene and again he needed assistance and wanted to know all about me. I use to be reserved and would help anyone out but since these encounters I have had to change my ways. I think before I talk now and have found ways to be empathetic and able to walk away and not being caught up in the tangled mess of their lives. This led to my Awakening which was so very hard. I now realise it was my vibration that was actually seeking these individuals for myself to have validation. I turned into the supernova on both these narcs. They are both gone now and if they darken my space again they know trouble will be looming. Anyway I believe from this I am an empath, but one that won’t be funked with again if you get my drift. So I have deleted my father from my life and my mother I rarely talk to now. It was hard but I realised that they were a big part in my life that made me feel inferior, unworthy and unlovable. Now HG are you going to shed some light for me please? You have had me waiting long enough. Help please. Am I right, am I wrong?
I have changed as in I help people but only if I want to now and I have no guilt from walking away.
Actually I seem to have missed the super word. I am a super empath.
I have special traits, now I know how to use them to keep myself safe.
HG – based on what we post on here, are you able to categorise us? I’m just curious.
Dependent on the regularity of the comments, yes I can.
So by the constant replies you do analyze? Interesting! You are a mischievous fellow
What am I mighty Wizard?
Super empath?
unsure if only because I hate labels.. I’m too independent to be co-dependent… I’m perfectly happy alone and out of the spotlight, in fact I prefer it… on a public setting or group setting in any case but am perfectly happy being the center of someone’s world on a more intimate level… I know I do not always reflect that online as my arrogance and defenses are up… my claws are out. especially on this site, dealing with a narc…
I adapted to his (the narc i left) behaviors and rejected it entirely – he acted wrong. I know I have empathy and pick up other people’s vibes on some levels enough to be uncomfortable in public situations and in large crowds… but I know I have some narc traits in that I have enough pride and arrogance to reply with an “how DARE you treat me like this” to his behaviors… it might be what saved me… who knows… I self-reflect but then so does HG and he is a greater elite narc..
I do not presume to know myself that well yet… I am too busy rebuilding and redefining myself right now. So I will just say “I just am…”
I am a super empath and have been embroiled in a super nova with my ex NPD psychopath for the past 10 years. I have taken him to court both with an attorney and self represented and won every time. The court placed protective orders and criminal restraining orders upon him and that only seemed to excite him further. He found unique and well planned ways to do whatever he wanted despite being warned to leave the children and i alone. He has a new wife whom he replaced me with during the course of our marriage while he lived a duplicitous life. He in fact was maintaining two separate households. She was aware of us but we were not aware of her. He has presently relocated twice in order that he may live just a street over. Each time I move, he relocates again. His new wife seems to enjoy this game if cat and mouse. Presently he has local law enforcement believing that I am neurotic because I am fearful of his close proximity. He never does anything to us, it is always one of his minions. Most often his wife. I believe he is a greater NPD based on your descriptors. I am depleted and wish for this to end. We have three children together. Two are adults. One he manipulates and one he leaves alone. He is presently working my youngest son who is 16. Lavishing him in gifts after refusing to speak to any of them fir 8 years. He is always lurking. I have shut off social media and he may only speak to me via court wizard. He refuses to pay support, instead forcing me to go to court each time the balance gets too high. I have foreclosed on his properties and liened everything including his name. I recognize that he is using my actions as fuel. How do I make this end?
Hello Sheryl, when you are entangled with a greater and you are unable to effect a robust no contact owing to the ongoing interaction as a consequence of children the scenario becomes particularly challenging. The key is in recognising what he is doing and understanding how you can counter that, both in terms of how you react to it concerning your interaction with him (and his Lieutenant wife) and how you manage it in terms of your own thoughts and actions aside from any direct interaction with them. I advocate you consult with me as this is a matter which requires a detailed explanation and response to provide you with the full and proper insight.
Thank you HG.
I voted as unsure. I know I am an empathy, however I know I have some narc qualities however now I cant remember if I acted this way before I was with him or not.
Also, even though I was incredibly dependent before him and I met ( my own car, apartment, etc and he had none of those things) it came to the point where I was too dependent on him to leave ( stay at home mom with a daughter with special needs).
The only thing I am sure of is I always have had a ton of empathy, which is actually why we were even spending time together in the first place ( giving him rides to work and a place to stay).
I looked at the results and I’m a bit surprised because I was sure Super Empaths are the rarest.
Indeed they are Anonymous
Hmmm so about 40% are in denial? I’m 99% sure I’m a Super Empath but maybe I’m just as wrong as the majority of those who voted.
Well, it may just be there is a preponderance of super empaths who read the material and thus a higher than usual number appear. It may also be that some believe they are SEs when they are not, but if that belief assists them, then so be it.
See, this is where I probably disagree with most people. I think it’s fairly essential to see yourself the way you really are, so you can analyse yourself properly and protect yourself in the future, and maybe even try to improve.
I certainly agree with you, anonymous. If we don’t understand ourselves, we’ll never really be able to understand why things happen to us or how to control our lives. True knowledge begins with know thyself.
Really interesting, thank you for this poll, HG.
I agree, the self-assessments are uhm…. surprising at times. 😉
Are you surprised by some descriptions?
On the other hand:
Part of the super empath traits are maybe just normal reactions, some kind of survival mode. Which might even be stirred in total co-dependents when enough is enough. As … there is a difference between being fixated on someone and enjoying violence and abuse, right?
While a real super empath might show these reactions and traits from day 1.
Hmm …
That is a fair and accurate observation.
Hi Ava
I agree. Much as some confuse Supernova as a category and not the event that it is. Also perhaps interpreting standing up for yourself on occasion or telling someone off as going Supernova when that is what I interpret as isolated incidences of asserting yourself. But what do I know? Im still learning too.
But are you surprised by any self-assessments?
No.
ava101: I like what you wrote. I think if pushed too far, many of us will fight back, no matter what we are.
When I have some time, I’m going to reread everything HG wrote about these different groups.
I wonder if I’m maybe “Normal”. I really only lash out when people aggravate me over and over, but then I do it in such ways that certain people wish they had never been born. That’s why I initially assumed I’m a Super Empath. My best friend says she thinks I’m a Super Empath. I have been called narcissistic in the past, but mainly by people who were…idiots…and I think their opinion was mainly based on my looks. I don’t think anyone who actually knows me would say I’m narcissistic. Although I’m sure some people think I’m a bit crazy/obsessed once I go into my hatred/revenge mode.
I want to change mine to elite empath 😄
Tough NA, you can’t!
Why not?
Why not what? Why can’t it be changed? Because I am the law.
The law. Wherever is that written HG?
I believe you are telling lies again!
Go on Narc Affair, you can be what you want to be.
Cover your ears HG 😉
it is written in HG’s Big Book of Laws, there is also one which states “SVR must not be cheeky on pain of never being told what she is.”
😜 i think all empaths are elite for putting up with the abuse they have 👍
Er, I’ll do the handing out of awards thank you very much!
Big book of laws, not at all. Utter nonsense put it in the recycle bin 😉
SVR is cheeky alright and so she can be. So you have a book with that, really?
I don’t obey narc rules, I am me, I stand tall and proud ☺
Indeed I do.
Bin it then and get some proper material on the shelf 😉
Oh I have plenty on the shelf believe me.
Plenty on the shelf, honestly I was talking about educated books not appliances if that is what you are insinuating.
I believe we empaths are elite, a rare breed and above every narc. So where is my reward?
There is no reward since your belief is incorrect but you are naturally entitled to have it.
Indeed I am entitled to my view, which I believe to be correct. So your incorrect is incorrect HG 😉
You only have a belief whereas I know.
Thats what you think. I know better.
And that is no disrespect to you, because you are the only narc I respect but you are so wrong. I do hope no items have been thrown from that lovely table as I mean it in a nice way.
HaHa!
I think I’ll change to Elite Super Tanker!
No such thing.
That’s because you haven’t met me!
Yes that sounds right Clarence 😄
Did you pick the items of the floor HG?
Yes.
Very funny HG.
Super Empath.
I genuinely don’t know which category I come in… It’s been my intention to look into this side of myself. It’s all very well learning about what makes my narcy the way he is but it’s only half the story of my life and our ‘ relationship’ if I don’t understand myself. Where do I begin…?
I used to think I was codependent because I have poor boundaries. I like to please people and I want people to like me.
However, when I have been mistreated I feel revengeful, resentful and I behave in ways that are narcissistic.
So maybe super empath.
Heyoka……(the fool) the clown that’s not afraid to show you what you are. Laughing through chaos!!! Left-handed and using the “right” side of my brain. There’s always more than one way…..like chess. Take five and look again. Narc’s ultimately fail with me….but I still attract them.
Melissa Dean
How do they fail with you? Do you chose to become ensnared?
Where to begin..? I’m going to admit I probably fall in all of the above/below categories.
Co-dependant was a diagnosis from my counselor at the age 20+.
My two relationships in the past 29 years have been with (what I now find) narco paths’. As for the Empath question, I don’t know how to explain that I feel I may be one; because some say it’s a population of minimal percentage in the world. So then if I agree to that rank, am I considered a grandiose narcissist.
My job, of 23 years, relies on my ability to feel remorse and aide in helping people. But there are some of those people I’d like to whip into shape. I do feel a lot of emotions when others are dealing with things. And I’m often fatigued but I very rarely show my exhaustion.
I’ve always been able to support myself and later in life I supported my children. I feel I do draw or maybe seek out people of your kind. I think it’s because I think of them as my drug. They seem to be a better choice than what I may have experienced before. So they cloud my negative thoughts by focusing on their negative qualities.
I didn’t know the meanings behind all of the personality disorders. Now that I’ve started recuperating I find the articles interesting, to say the least. Both my relationships were extreme. The first was with my children’s father, of 22 years, which died in a severe accident. The other relationship was a man 25 years younger than me, whom I still have sex with.
I do fall under every category of the narcissist’s desires. I’ve never cheated nor will I. And I’ve been cheated on many times.
I will admit I now am in the process of attempting the Zero Impact theory. And i love it.
I enjoy most of your writings. Thank you for giving your point of view.
Alothasoccurred
In the absence of an Avenger Empath classification I will go with Super Empath.
Practical
Give from a position of strength
Challenging and hard to break as can sustain a great deal of what others view as abuse.
Many and strong narc traits that are kept in control (for the most part).
My Supernova light show is spectacular. I will give a good fight, use the narcs manipulations against them, and wound repeatedly when Ive had enough.
Win/win.
“I am. You are. So just be.”
AH OH
If I may, I am the one that marches to the beat of her own drum.
I am constantly evolving. My strength grows with each day. I will be this until my last breath.
I can not, will not, be pigeon holed.
I do know I am not a target for any type of Narcissists. If one ever decided to tempt themselves for sport, it could only be of the caliber of HG.
I have learned that I have been involved with men that have narcissistic tendencies but I targeted them. I took what I needed and discarded.
I do not always think I win, at least at the time I can feel this, but actually I always seem to come out the winner.
I’m a super emp. It’s confusing at times. I sometimes have a hard time putting myself in other people’s shoes (which I always do), because it’s hurts so bad. I can’t stand other people suffering or in pain, especially children. I’m empathic to a fault. It makes me gullible and naive at times.
But there’s the other side of me. It’s reserved for narcissists. I can get downright evil when it comes to messing with their heads after I’ve had enough. I’m not sure if my bad side is really narcissistic because it seems more sociopathic than anything. I a high self esteem. I’m very intelligent, capable, and beautiful. So, I have a bit of an ego, but I don’t think it’s over inflated. I do not like being the center of attention and at times just antisocial. I’m not a jealous person either and have never felt the feeling. I also feel great sympathy for narcissists. They look weak and broken to me. (I do separate narcs, psychopaths, & sociopaths because they do seem very different from each other to me.)
At first, I thought I was a co-dependent. With hindsight, I can see the patterns of giving more than receiving, of trying too hard to please others. It made me happy to see them happy. But I am not masochistic enough to continue with it if I get abuse in return. I might turn the other cheek once or twice as I am figuring out what it all means, and what to do, but at their third attempt to strike, I will fight back with all I’ve got.
I want to fix and heal what’s broken, but I do not have the strength to endure lengthy and repeated abuse, to brush it off and carry on like a Super Empath would do. I get numb fairly quickly, and shut down. So, that makes me a Standard Empath (equally cerebral and somatic).
getting your prey to identify themselves now, are we? interesting hunting method.
Golly gee, I never thought I could be prey and in danger thousands of miles away on the internet!!! Good thing yet another pseudo psychologist is passing through to remind me
Wait…… whats that in the tall grass?…..
Although I do think he knows rather a lot already if you read all his articles on here so maybe he will learn nothing new. Anyway what’s eating at you?
Yes, I believe he wrote somewhere that he can tell what we are if we comment semi-regularly.
Correct.
No prey here! Only students!! Go find another blog to fly into and annoy!!! 👋
✔︎
Your comment sounds quite disturbing to me. I am not a prey, dead internet ViP. I don’t want to speak for others but I would say there are no preys here.
Actually, there are more aggressive, pissed off, waiting to get even fine examples of women.
For the prey blog you should go to http://www.myprey.com or http://www.huntingfortroubles.kissmya**.
With love, VIP.
Lapsus….I meant dear and came out dead….Freud would be proud of me.
Hello Giulia!
Lol..you made me laugh! Well put there…quite a freudian lapsus …dead instead of dear…😉
Thank you HG. This is a great segment for our community of friends. I am clearly a Super Empath. I was raised by a strong narcissistic father (bless his soul) who was raised by two HD narcissistic parents. My mother is a lifelong Super Empath at age 88 as both are my biological parents. I DO want to say that I did and do love them both very much although there are some truths in our family matter.
Because I did not know any better, I then married; by clinical standards, a narcissistic (waif) wife for 32yrs; as we dated for 7yrs prior too that.
After our two boys went off to college she served me divorce papers as she married another within 6 months. Our family life with our children were great, but she and I were completely dysfunctional as a married couple. Thank God we were pretty decent parents to our children as both our dysfunctional conditions were diminished when we focused on the proper raising of our two sons.
I then got ensnared & courted a narcissistic girl a few years after. It was finally THEN, that I had realized a dysfunctional relational pattern here within myself. I went into deep study about this for the next 5yrs alone (with this endearing community at my side) and had my eyes greatly unveiled into my life. I evolved into a “recovering” Super Empath after studying backward into my life to the point of emotional trauma at age 8, then forward to full discovery in WHO am I and HOW I became the person that I am.
I have been fully recovered now for about 4yrs now but have to stay close to our community and its trials and discoveries to maintain a healthy relational status going forward. For without this kind of regular therapy, I am afraid I will slip back into “active” Super Empath status.
I will always be grateful to you, HG and this community of friends for helping to keep my Super Empath status in full remission!
I have been single now for almost 5yrs and I could not be happier and more peaceful about life, in WHO I am as an individual and an ever-recovering Super Empath.
Thank you ALL and I wish the very best in your own relational discoveries toward your very own personal peace. ;c)
Thank you RHEFFELB.
Honestly I don’t know.
Super empath with narc traits when cornered. I do leave people. I will ice people out if wounded too deeply. But this is connected to the narc traits and how I survived a very unusual childhood of strange privilege and entitlement abd neglect anr abuse
But I saw the narc traits in myself very young and dealt with alot. This narc brought out the rest for me to see though. He really woke me up.
Are people self describing as your impression of them, HG?
Not all.
On a scale of 1-100 I’m 100% co-dependent. I have made progress though in the healthy boundary department but still vacillate between knowing personal boundaries are okay and feeling guilty that I have them when people in my life don’t like them. I do, however, feel much better about myself when I honor my boundaries.
Super Emapth. Without question. I am certain of this due to my consults with HG.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=RpimiNvcRC4
As a child I witnessed my mother Brutally beat by her boyfriend’s. I became her husband’s sexual toy at the age of 5. At 12 I became the ward of the state, foster home after foster home. Believing that no one wanted me or loved me, I began to drink.
Numbing my feelings, numbing the rage that grew as I did wasn’t easy. I became a magnet for the broken and displaced men.( I ) (They) used my body to get what I & They wanted. I learned that they were disposable just like me. I would say that I have strong Narcissistic traits and my empath side is a powerful intuition that demands that I take care of whomever I am around.
Definitely a super empath… and didn’t even realize that until I left my narc…
Someone above mentioned “Elite Empath,” so if I had to label myself, I would say that. However, it doesn’t quite adequately describe what kind of “empath” I am.
I am fairly certain that I am a super empath. I have a lot more narcissistic traits than I ever thought possible and I was conditioned to take a lot of abuse, however, I wised up and figured out how to escape.
I recognize in myself some co-dependent traits, but I’ve been recently told what gets me in trouble with a Narc is being the Truth Seeker. lol I actually think I’m in the normal range as far as empathy. I’m definitely not the bleeding heart type. Maybe I crossover between a couple?
This is a tough one to answer, so I said unsure. I really don’t know. I’m not codependent. I can be empathic but I like a lot of attention. So the narcs gave me a lot of that. There is something called an Highly Sensitive Person and I scored like 100% on that, but I don’t think that necessarily means highly empathic. I guess I need to be educated more on the variations.
And what does ‘normal’ even mean, really? There are times when I really enjoy being around people and other times I detest humanity. But if I knowingly hurt someone, or do something less than what my moral standard is, I do feel a lot of guilt. But I also have the ability to cut someone completely from my life if they screw with me, where as pre-Narc, I would tolerate it.
What can I say other than I am a complex being? Now, back onto you, H.G.
At some point I even wanted to become a nun….the sex stopped me.
I believe I am an empath and I got into my relationship for the reasons stated in the ‘super empath’ article ie emotions and thinking I had found a companion. So I put Super Empath
☆ ṦUPER ĔMPATH in ṦUPERNOVA ṂODE ☆
…. At first I identified with being codependent and had been told that was what I was from “professionals”….
There was no other “name” to label and treat until I found HG….
I am truly a Super Empath… No doubt about it and fit HG’s description seamlessly and heres why….
I haven’t “collapsed” as the co dependent does, I realize I am in Supernova Mode.
I had always been a heartfelt empathetic compassionate human being, involved in many animal (wildlife) rescue programs and Earth Day activities, anything involving nature and the earth having a soft spot in my heart. I identified with being Mother & Wife first and am a domestic goddess, lol…
I give generously to certain organizations (anonymously) My work, service oriented.
However,I CONTAIN MANY NARC TRAITS as well, to the point where I started identifying with a MIDRANGER!
However, thats not possible because I currently have what HG calls “dimmed empathy” 🔅
I possess compassion, I feel guilt, I have a conscious, I fix, I heal, I help and I loved and married three different Schools of Narcs!
I thought and was told it was my fault, all my failed marriages. I thought my fault I picked the “wrong” men….
NO THEY PICKED ME! They TARGETED ME!
I tried to “fix” the relationship, I took abuse…. after the third one now, I am DIMMED…very very DIMMED
I had a fire within, being a very typical Arie ♈︎
I am independent and (was) very self confident.
I had the ability to feel and sense what people and creatures needed to anticipate their needs and it served my profession.
No, I am not a midrange, I am not a codependent, I am SUPER EMPATH in SUPERNOVA MODE
MANY thanks Mr. HG Tudor, for showing me and helping me to understand and determine my role in these entanglements and hopefully how to move forward and get my “light within” back!
Enough about me….
You, Tudor, forever have my respect, adoration and my version of love extended to you.
I’m the worst… a codependent with way too many empathic traits for my own good. I’ve been feasted upon by narcissists beginning with my mother. Not one “normal” relationship in my life.
I think I have some narcisstic tendancies and some empathic, I tend to cry at lots of stuff but I also think it’s a bit of a healthy boundary To be a bit narcisstic however being brought up by a narcissist I inherited a lot of traits .. that I think I’ve now not got after leaving home many years ago .. but after realising I’m now in a relationship with a narc (for 15 years) it’s like I’m turning into one again and begin to feel like a victim .. still cry a lot at others peoples misfortune or if they’re hurt tho and same with animals
Oh HG! At first I thought I was co dependent and also perhaps super empath! Now I have know idea what I am except for being super f–ked up in the head!!
I hear you! Once I found out mine was a Narc I didn’t walk away. I read more and more. Now I spend my days coming up with way to screw with him. I’m 100x better at screwing with him now that I understand what makes him tick.
I would say I am a super empath. I do have some narcissistic traits as far as taking care of myself, working out everyday , wanting to look my best and certainly wanting what I want, when I want it! If I put my mind to something I figure out a way to get it or work it out, so very independent in that way. At the same time, I take care of people or help them, fix them, I want them to be ok! I see the good in most everyone and make excuses for their bad behavior for quite sometime! I have been a registered nurse, massage therapist, and holistic health practitioner because I believe in giving back to others and that to me is a beautiful thing. I am a very honest person and have strong values that I take pride in and am still shocked when someone lies to me because I believe people and what they say is suppose to be the truth!
When you asked the question before about what type of narc I have been entangled with, I now realize, with your help, that is the only relationships I have ever had! My dad is a narcissist and I watched my mom, so I guess I learned well! All of this has been revealed to me recently through reading your posts everyday! I knew I had issues with relationships because of my dad but I had no idea what all the common behaviors were and what it all meant! Huge deal for me! Wow, it really all makes sense now and I can’t thank you enough for what you do!! So much self blame has been lifted and so much freedom for me from learning!! I am truly, forever grateful! I was on the verge of getting involved with another greater narc when I started reading one day and so far have been able to stay away! It has been a daily effort that you help me with as again the attraction is ridiculous!, Thank you HG for what you do! 🙂
The closest of those choices to me would be standard empath. However I feel I’m too out there to be considered “standard” anything. I think I’d be what you’ve called a spiritual empath or energy empath.
I have always been a doormat and am at peace with that. Doormats are very useful things. I know how to shut off all emotions to protect myself when necessary and gain much personal satisfaction by being useful. It fills me with much joy to be helpful to people.
I’m not codependent because I don’t feel a need to fix people. I don’t step in and try to change things or convince people what they are doing is wrong. I am a firm believer in the golden rule and I can’t abide people trying to change me (and having many unpopular ideas, I’ve fought that all my life). We all have the God given right to be wrong.
I’m not a super empath for the same reason. I’ve suffered much from super empaths interfering in my life (no offense to those of you who are one). I think I may not have enough narcissistic traits to be one anyway. I have a ridiculous amount of empathy with everything living. I can not help but feel everyone’s pain and upset (but I do get to feel their joy and happiness too!). I dont eat meat and can’t even stand to kill spiders. If I even hit a bird with the car, I will feel actual stomach pain and be upset for days worrying about it’s mate mourning it and possible chicks going unfed. I even mourn dead trees and bushes. This painful level of empathy is a main reason I seclude myself. It is certainly much more of a curse than a blessing.
God and everyone who interacts with me knows I’m not “normal.” 😜
Thank you, HG, for this poll! I really enjoyed it and look very forward to reading other people’s responses!!
I had a very abusive father an very absent mother, I’m the oldest of 3 children. Always trying to take care of everyone. Since entering adulthood I started planing my escape from my family, then I manifested that guy, so fricking different from my father, living in culturally different country. 4000km away. I thought I was safe. Haha. I married my father, just 1000X worse. I’m very empathetic but for sure codependent.
I am a Super-Nova Empath.
The supernova is an event not a person.
I am a Super empath. My supernova mode sent him running. I can’t take a lot but when I had enough I will retalliate and you will pay!!
Love it!
Kt…im the same way i keep accepting the abuse until it gets too much and i lash out. When i lash out its verbal and i can get nasty. Its like something comes over me and possesses me. I feel terrible guilt after but at the time it feels soooo good like itching a very itchy itch. Its a release. I dont like the person i am when this happens but its from pent up feelings. Usually the narc backs off and we dont talk for awhile then he saunters back with an apology hoover. I then pay for it down the line in some way. Honestly if he wasnt the type of narc he is it would never work. If he lashed back at me itd be a done deal. Id never go back to him. I guess our codependant dynamic works this way as sick as it is 🙁
Unsure. I know I have empathic traits, mostly reserved for animals, but I don’t think I’d describe myself as fully empathic.
Animals rule!
I don’t know….I think I have all of them in my history. I’ve been treated for codipendency in the early ’90s, then I think I was normal. Happy marriage till it broke. Then mess again and another round of psychoanalysis. I know everything on Froid, Jung and later van der kolk and so forth. Diagnosys are dinamic so you grow out of something and fall in to something else. But the psychoanalysis really did something.
I’ve been noticing a better realtionship with sex and different approaces to it. For me it’s all about sex.
Sometimes I think I am a repressed sex addict.
Emotionally, ethically, morally, culturally and what have you, I feel I couldn’t be further away from narcissism.
All I’m looking for is a stable relationship based on mutual respect, trust and freedom.
In this sociohistorical moment this seems impossibile. Most men are conditioned to think and act in a certain way and it just doesn’t work for me.
This ones a toughie as well bc i dont fit neatly into any one category. First and foremost id say a codeoendant bc of my many fears of leaving the relationship. I also see super empath tho bc once im pushed too far i retaliate and leave but never permanently like other super empaths. I feel an anger inside myself once im to that point and ive lashed out verbally which feels good at the time but its not true to my nature. Im a nurturer and it angers me to have a narcs nastiness rub off on me that way. Im learning to observe rather than participate. Meaning i observe the narcs behaviors as an outsider and not the recipient. I try to understand where its coming from. Its made it easier but he still triggers my more narcissistic tendencies that i rarely exhibit. So id say a mix of codependant and super empath. Im a super empath that doesnt have the strength to leave…yet, but when i do ill go out with a bang.
I don’t know what category I fall into. I’ve been told by some that I’m codependent, but I don’t feel I fit that definition. I’ve taken online NPD tests and I tend to score higher in areas of authority, self-sufficincy, superiority, and vanity. It is curious.
Kathy, you seem to be able to describe me. 😉
I’m honestly not sure. I think I am a super empath as I know integrity, honesty, loyalty and caring are most important to me. However, I know I also have done somethings that I read in your books that I identify with. Then again, I may simple be someone who has trouble with boundaries in general and that makes me obsessive with a new person that I have targeted as my favorite at the time. I do not however – ever- intentionally hurt people. Nor do I believe I am superior to everyone. I have been known to admit I was wrong. I do like to win but not at the cost of hurting others. So I’m not really sure.
I’m a Super Empath but I believe we are all co dependent whether we admit it or not. Only the Elite Empath possess the spiritual maturity to be Super without being codependent. They also have the ability to recognise a Narc and walk away before they are ensnared.
Sorry MMS, the word Elite belongs on our side of the fence.
Lol. I could have sworn I had seen that word in the English language available for free use…lol
Ha ha, come now, you know we set the rules and everything belongs to us.
Unless your in the presence of something even you couldn’t understand HG
Unlikely.
What happened to the true empath?
I did not include it.
May I ask why you did not add it? I do not believe much if anything gets past you, or is it because you already know the answer? Or because we are all true empaths just in different spots on the spectrum
It is not a classification I have written about it.
HG
I look forward to the day you do write about the true empath, your observation skills and accuracy to detail is unmatched by anything I have ever read or witness in real life.
A true empath? As opposed to empath and super empath? I’m confused. Could someone elaborate please?
True empath are the ‘spiritual’ ones, the ones who explain how they ‘feel’ energy and such like. Something like the force I would imagine.
Ah thank you. I’m a bit hesitant to say this because of what’s already been discussed about people thinking they’re something they’re not but…. I used to do reiki healing. I genuinely could literally feel the pain of the client. Not just emotionally but physically too. If someone had a problem with their knee my knee would literally start hurting whilst giving the treatment. I would never allow anyone to tell me their ailments before treatment either so I was always blind but I could always pinpoint their pain because I felt it too. I could also, if I chose to, ‘tune in’ to people at any given time and feel what was inside of them. What was going on in their life particularly emotionally. Sometimes I would see images too that I would pass on to them. I thought at the time I had some sort of psychic ability but when I lost my spirituality (/faith) I decided it wasn’t psychic ability and I was in fact just using a part of my brain/mind that most people don’t tap into.
Is that what is meant by true empath?
Thank you for explaining.
That is along those lines, yes.
Thank you. I remember years ago a friend telling me I was a true empath. I just thought she meant I had empathy.
I learned to control my ‘tuning in’ and I haven’t really used it properly for around 15 years although I still get a ‘feeling’ about things.
I’m tempted to start tuning in again now! but I also remember the overwhelming empathy that went hand in hand with it and it was difficult to shift. I can only describe it as literally getting in someone’s head. Or when it came to reiki healing getting into someone’s body. When you literally feel someone else’s pain either emotional or physical it can be draining. And then you’re left with the fact that you have to help that person through whatever they’re going through because it becomes almost like you’re going through it too and so you can’t just walk away.
It’s draining but its also amazing to be able to help carry a burden.
KCN
It is amazing, awareness is needed it is so easy to get pulled in by another’s energy and make it your own.
Learning to move through it and not embrace and hold tightly.
We all develop at different times, yet it is in this timing that our awareness becomes.
Trust in yourself, the pieces are falling into place.
Hi Twilight,
You are sooo correct on the ease at which we can get pulled into other people’s energies. I had to learn this over a period of years. I still am working on it, though much better than a decade ago. I do certain rituals now to help me not take on other people’s energy fully. Learning how to cognitively compartmentize emotions from others and with others, like HJG, but only temporarily, is actually a great skill for energy empaths. I was taught by someone how to do it, it took about a good year to get the hang of it, but soooo worth it.
Hi KCN,
I am just so excited for you! This is a very special time, a re-awakening. A mark of healing! Beaming.
Hi Indy
I have a routine I do myself, Coming here thou and seeing that there are others that fall in the same category, I don’t feel so alone anymore.
KCN
Reading you feel this awareness, I am so excited for you!
Yes, we are not alone!!!! 👊🏼
No we are not alone, and we have an amazing man showing us his perspective and why things were done the way they were.
Hi Twilight, sorry for the late reply. Maybe timing is imperative. I was youngish when I started on my road of spirituality and looking back I can see how niave I was too. I learned to tune in to people but I didn’t consider controlling it until I completely blocked it because I couldnt cope.
I have learned much these last years and am a lot wiser for my experiences. Something that this narc experience has taught me is that I need personal boundaries in place. I never knew what that meant until my narc experience. I’m still learning and it’s a struggle to put boundaries in place as it doesn’t come naturally to me but I intend to apply boundaries to all areas in my life including this new/old found spirituality.
Hello KCN
Don’t worry about not replying until you could. I figured you may be having the same issue I am having and not getting the notification.
I am so excited for you, yet boundaries is a neccessary. For me my coping mechanisms was to hone what I could do, so long as I stayed ahead of him I was ok, my husband killed me to control. A part of me is thankful I was revived, a part of me Let’s just say I do not fear death now.
Embrace your journey, there is so much for you to discover!
Hope you have a wonderful weekend.
P.s. in reiki the actual energy used or transferred is know as ‘ki’ (rei=universal ki=energy ) it is also known as Chi in Chinese. Prana in Indian medicine and a lot of oriental martial arts and Yoga, and life force in the Western world to name a few.
It’s an interesting concept and one I fully endorse.
There’s actually a simple way of feeling your own Chi too if anyone is interested?
Sorry if I’m straying a bit too much off topic!
Maybe a true Empath as opposed to the codependent who is often labeled as an Empath. The terms have become synonymous. And are far from being the same thing
But I saw one recently on your blog.
Ava101
You saw a true empath here? How did you know they were one? I have been in and out and not able to actually spend time here.
A true empath is rare, they are on the extreme end of the spectrum. I have found your observations intriguing and thought provoking many times, why I ask.
Maybe I am misunderstanding your comment, if so sorry for the questions.
You haven’t written about the true empath because you still haven’t met one yet in rl?
Correct.
About time then.
Karen: as in the original meaning of being an “empath”, like telepathy – feeling what others feel instead of getting their thoughts.
Like in “Charmed” or “Star Trek Next Generation”, where the empath can’t leave his/her apartment, because he/she feels all the emotions, pain, fear, frustrations, desire, happiness, etc. from everyone around him/her, as if those were his/her own.
Also called clairsentience (like in clair-voyance, but instead of seeing visions, sensing things).
Yes, HG, the force, exactly. 🙂
I have no doubt you have met quite a few true empaths in real life, HG. I think they would instinctively withdraw and hide from you. They would feel the danger and dark emotions in you and deliberately stay under your radar. I know I would. I often feel these warnings of danger when I’m around people I don’t know. I instinctively avoid eye contact and don’t speak. Both elites and lessers give off tangible vibes of danger, but of different types.
I think you are correct in stating that Windstorm2. Of those True Empaths that I have interacted with through the blog they all have mentioned sensing an overwhelming sense of darkness and malevolence when they interact with me. My sceptical mind find the whole concept strange, however, since several have spoken about this ability to ‘feel energy’ in this way and also the darkness they have experienced, there are clearly those who accord with the idea.
HG
So the traits displayed by an Empath (the wearing of the red cape) is purely from your observation and interaction? There is no certain “feeling” on your part as is discussed here that some Empaths have felt?
Correct.
KCN
I have been told a bear shits in the woods.
I have never seen a bear shit in the woods.
I have never even seen evidence of a bear having shat in the woods. (Which is odd wouldnt you agree?)
Is a bear shitting in the woods fact or belief?
I question everything now.
I dont know what to believe.
This joint is making me paranoid. i belee dat.
Who ate my cookies????!!!
Omg bears are Narcs!
Did I answer your question?
Did I just make a word salad?
Help.
Narcangel, I’ve not had a joint since my late teens. Now I remember why….. 😉
Don’t worry you still made far more sense than the ex narc ever did.
Happy munchies
NA,
No invite? I see how it is! **winks**
BTW, indicas are less likely to give you the paranoid crazies lol….stay clear of those sativas. (jk)
Indy
Always willing to share and have those deep convos but alas you werent around. No salvia-thats crazy making. Lots of good weed here and soon to be legal. My brother moved to the West Coast yrs ago just for that reason and at Christmas he sent me a pkg of coffee named Kona Gold. I tore that shit apart quick, only to find…………coffee! After all I did for him…………smh………
The nerve, indeed! Ha, Ha!
Indy. Just realized you didnt say salvia. Need a reading glasses upgrade.
Oh salvia…tried once. Never again! I got hypnotized by the pattern in my rug for what felt like an hour.
Indy
That happen to me when I went back home (Colorado) I thought it was a regular brownie, first bite I was tackled by a friend hand over mouth and told to swallow I’d love it.
I have no trust when it comes to brownies
I think the ability to ‘feel darkness’ is their subconcious picking up on certain behaviours and body language.
That certainly happens too, Brian. But these feelings often occur before seeing someone. Places themselves have a feel associated with them, that is noticed often before even looking around to see what type of place it is. Often it is the feeling that makes me look up in the first place.
That said, this is not “magic”. There is a scientifically explainable cause behind it, just like with all phenomena. Many things are true but not yet understood. Figuring them out is what keeps life interesting!
Windstorm
Would you say its a heightened sense of intuition. More than say, when the hair stands up on of the back of your neck or you get goosebumps?
NarcAngel
I have no idea. Never thought about it. It’s not the same as goosebumps. I get them sometimes, too. It’s not always negative, either. I get good vibes as often as negative, probably more so. This reminds me of trying to explain what a certain color looks like!
In both of my narc personal relationships I had ‘ that feeling’ but I ignored it and went ahead with the relationship despite it. I won’t again! I also feel placed. I remember once going to a huge waterfall and getting really panicky. Thats not like me as I love nature but I ended up that anxious that I turned around before we got there. When I googled it when I got home 4 kids had lost their lives there the previous year. That’s just one instance I can think of off the top of my head.
It started with the cavemen. In order to survive they had to be aware when something was “off”. Survival of the species dictates that those who possess that quality go in to reproduce. So that “sense” has been selectively bred into us. But somewhere along the line we started ignoring it. Or dismissing it as evil. Our parents told us zit was bad. So we lost it. Some of us learned to listen to it most of the time. Sometimes our heart over rules it. But it’s still there. The more you pay attention to it, the more it will help you. It’s environmental clues. Behavioral clues. Body language. Shifts in a subtle breeze. All observed unconsciously by our brain
That sounds very wise and likely, mymasterstoy. Some people may have this trait more than others, just like all traits. And the more we use it, the better we get at it. Maybe mine is more developed because I’ve spent so much time alone, thinking and observing. Twilight said some things earlier about being sensitive to energy in the weather that were alone similar lines.
I do believe in paranormal things if real people tell me they have experienced them. That is interesting, thanks. The only paranormal thing I have experienced is with astrology but according to the bible its not good to look at it so I just let it go. It was interesting at the time, but it wasnt really helping me anyway.
Karen,
I am sorry to hear that you’ve lost your faith over this …
While it might indeed have to do with brain areas, etc. (in super monks there are also certain brain areas lighting up when meditating, and certain brain parts have been identified with “enlightenment”), it is still your inherent developed abilities, your stage of development. Maybe your kind of faith wasn’t exactly the right one for you, yet? Or maybe there were other/new aspects to be met?
There is much to be gained and learned through this experience, by facing the darkness, and you can see your own light all the better for it, once you have waded through it.
I am glad that this is the one thing my exnarc could never touch, even though he was from the same school as I. I have also left our spiritual group because of this experience and also because of his machinations; also because I had to learn that it was no coincidence that I met someone like him there. But I haven’t left my faith behind. I have also met true empaths there, those are the ones I am still connected to.
I just hope you find back.
I also sensed the darkness and had a vision of his inner void in my exnarc when touching him.
And I disagree that sensing that darkness would make an empath stay away, as I felt for him.
Hi Ava, I didnt lose faith over this it was something unrelated that happened a long time ago that made my faith disappear bit by bit.
I’m not sure I can even call it a faith as I never followed anything inparticular. I had my own ideals and beliefs and I lived my life accordingly. I’m agnostic when it comes down to religion but religion interests me and I gain a lot from ‘some’ of the teachings. Some religions resonate more than others with me. If I had to classify my faith I would probably call it ‘independant spirituality’
All that said about me losing faith, I can feel it coming back. Too many things are happening right now for me to ignore what I once believed. Ive tried to ignore it though! But I can’t. Now I’m starting to see the ‘bigger picture’ that I couldn’t see when I lost my faith. It’s almost like everything that’s happened in my life, not least the ex narc, has been leading up to this moment. Actually ‘this moment’ hasn’t actually happened yet but I now know what ‘this moment’ is and I know I have a few things I need to get in place before ‘ this moment’ can happen but happen it will!
As I am writing this I have tears running down my face. I’m not sure why. It’s almost like my life is flashing before me and now it’s MY time. This ia what its all been for. I am about to put the final piece in the jigsaw. I’ve sent the message out to the universe and the Universe is listening.
Wow, I feel a bit embarassed now haha but I think something profound just happened to me whilst writing this.
HG maybe you are a God afterall 😉
Karen, the universe is always listening. It’s always sending us signs as well. A lot of the time we just aren’t listening and looking. We’re so focused on ourselves and our thoughts that we don’t notice these signs. Then something will happen that opens us up to the larger awareness. Maybe this is what you are experiencing.
For me it’s like there is a whole different consciousness/reality around me all the time, but it stays hidden except for these glimpses. I can sense it’s there and often feel it, but I’m unconsciously blocking it somehow with my own treacherous mind and actions. I think it’s like enlightenment that the Buddhists seek. My goal before I die is to remove this barrier and live in this other awareness.
– Makes me laugh that you said you were starting to feel embarrassed for telling your experience. I’m so far beyond eccentric that I can’t even see embarrassed in my rear-view mirror!!! 😄
Windstorm, “can’t even see embarassed in rear view mirror” haha that really made me laugh out loud!
Yes that was pretty much my belief too. In fact I’m almost to the point where I can say it is again. I think I may have had some sort of epiphany today. It was so strange but also so familiar if that makes sense. Almost like walking into your house after a long period of absence away.
I spoke to a friend about it today and she commented on how many times over the years I’d been frustrated because I missed my spirituality but couldn’t just magic it back up.
Today I have been playing around a little. I tuned in to someone (with permission) and ‘felt’ them. I also played around with signs…I opened a book randomly and I put the radio on and listened to the song playing. Of course, it made sense and was for me. Nothing has changed apart from my willingness to listen again 😊
I finished a book I was reading last night and realised I had nothing else on my reading list. That’s not like me. I always have 3 or 4 books lined up ready. So in a panic I raided my shelves to see if I had anything worth reading again (I’m lost without having a book to read) and there collecting dust at the back were all my old spiritual books. Coincidence?
My reading list now is;
“Conversations with God”
“The Celestine Prophecy”
And “The alchemist”
All easy reading to break me back in gently.
KCN, glad to hear about your epiphany! Your description of missing your spirituality and how you feel now is so much like my own experiences. Even to the point that my last such experience was the last time I came home from being in Kansas for a month! I believe it was the calm peace of my home after the constant chaos at my daughter’s that triggered it.
I have always lived over the largest cave system in the world and all its smaller auxiliary caves. It came to me that this alternate consciousness I’ve been seeking is like the cave system – always present and nearby, yet mainly invisible. Caves have many openings to the outside, sometimes just cracks or holes. You can often feel when you are near one of these openings, even when concealed by brush and brambles because the air coming up out of the cave feels different.
So far since then I’ve been able to hold on to this spiritual connectedness by imagining it as a large hidden cave entrance in front of me leading to the way I want to be. I can feel it even though it is invisible. I hope you are able to hold on to yours, too! It’s so nice to talk to someone with similar experiences! 😊
Hi Windstorm, yes it’s very exciting! I’m opening myself back up to everything and it feels like ‘coming home’ it’s all very emotional.
I loved your cave story. Thanks for sharing.
Hi KarenKN,
I’m moved hearing you are experiencing this! Beyond happy for you, it is like returning home or opening another door you forgot about for years! Oh, Celestine P, my “awakening” book. I read it at a time a really needed it (it was a gift from a ex-partner of mine that now has passed on, during the death of my father). He was an energy empath as well, the only empath I was ever with. I think HG hit it on the head when he said I was one too. You might be too! Especially since you can ” feel” others energy. I would love for HGto write about it sometime 😊
I need to read Conversations. Sending happy hopeful vibes~
Indy
Hi Indy, I’m sorry about your partner and Dad. You have told me about your partner before. He sounds wonderful.
Yes it is very much like coming home. Though this time round I’m going to be very careful about my own boundaries. I used to take so much on before and it became all consuming and I couldnt rest because there was so much pain in the world. I’m 25 years older and wiser now though and just starting to learn about boundaries.
Celeatine Prophecy (I believe) comes into our life at precisely the right moment. It’s a gift. I’ve yet to meet anyone who’s read it that it hasn’t had a profound effect on.
Belated Solstice blessings to you and yours.
Exactly. A true Empath wouldn’t avoid such a darkness. But would know what they are dealing with.
Twilight,
I recently read some comments by someone who showed real insight and understanding, beyond intellectual understanding and knowledge, but true wisdom. Something that is more than reaction and interpretation.
I haven’t seen him or her here often or before, but it’s quite possible that he or she had posted before or before my time so to speak.
Ava101
Remember words are their weapons.
A few comments can look to be one thing when in reality there is much more brewing under them.
Ava I am not saying this person who you are referring to is one of HGs kind, just stating my opinion. I have not seen ther comments.
BTW:
It is my belief that a reaaaally spiritual person would be immune to HG. Someone like one of my teachers, not me. Yet. 😉
NarcAngel,
I had that feeling “when the hair stands up on of the back of your neck or you get goosebumps” when I met someone through friends (who, I learned later, had engaged in some intruiges, but those friends ignored that knowledge), also once on the street, passing someone whom I wanted to run away from.
But not with my exnarc, unfortunately, in the contrary. 🙁
Aaah, Karen, tears can be good.
I’m glad to read this. 🙂 It will happen.
I’m not religious either.
mymasterstoy:
that’s good that you mention that about co-dependency and empathy not necessarily being the same. There really is a kind of disaccord there sometimes, which tugs on my nerves.
Or, becoming too deeply ensnared. I too am most interested in seeing HG’s take on the “True Empath”
Windstorm 2…how you described a true empath i completely understand. I dont know how to explain it. Ive gone into different locations and felt the atmosphere of that place. Its like a feeling you get of the locations “personality and past” thats the only way i know of to explain it. The same is true of people ive met and sensed from the get go a feeling about them call it intuition. Many a time ive ignored that feeling only to find out over time i was right. My narc included. Early on i sensed a darkness about him despite his mask being crazy glued but ive been validated in that feeling about him thru very brief mask slips over the past 6 yrs.
Id call it intuition and i think hsp’s experience this the most altho i think everyone has this capability but many dont tap into it or find it difficult to based on their personality type.
Super empath currently destroying the sanity( so to speak) of one overt and three coverts. I know, I know, I will be going full NC soon.
olol.. I am a Super Empath, because I have one narcissistic trait: I am fearless!
But then again this trait has nothing to do with narcissism / empathy scale.
Maybe it’s simply because I am a great great great great great …great grand daughter of Genghis Khan.
As simple as that, an inherited gene of inner strength, maintained and strengthened by my ancestorial historical struggles.
I believe I am a super empath as I do have many narc traits but I am even more empathetic. Truth integrity n morality are my stsndards